funny pictures

Wingnut Camper Art Project Shares How-To Secrets For Sexing Obama

nobel prize for literature times twentyHere is what a Teabagger stream-of-consciousness novel looks like self-published on the back of a camper, like all major wingnut tomes. Tea Party, meet your T. S. Eliot. 

It is almost as if we are looking at a Teabagger brain scan, or “draft one” of Michele Bachmann’s campaign tour bus, or the lyrics to a song Teabaggers use to sing to their children to sleep at night. There are some important questions, though. Why is most of it spelled correctly? Why is the handwriting so legible? Is Satan actually a bisexual? Why is it called even called “Revelation” when every wingnut already knows about all of these things?

“Obama wants soldiers to wear to pink uniforms, nylon stockings, and high heels, it turns him on” is probably our favorite verse. Does TEA S. Eliot know for sure that this works, from practice? We will try to remember it for future chances to sex the prezident. [Reddit via Wonkette Operative “Leo S.”]

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  • nounverb911

    Is this where the Bachmannn's send their kids for indoctrination?

  • nounverb911

    Does the tow car run on santorum?

  • Barb

    "The bible says you will know queer Obama by his fruits" Kumquat?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Certainly not melons.

      • Barb

        Black Barry's?

        • Fare la Volpe

          The Blacker the Barry, the sweeter the juice.

      • Geminisunmars

        Nor fresh figs.

    • Guppy06

      Arugula.

    • PristineODummy

      I thought it was spelled "cumtwat." No?

  • OurHoboSenator

    I thought Sarah Palin quit her bus tour.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      This one is the "Palin 2016" tour bus.

      • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

        "Palin 2016 Econo-Tour: Sarah Needs the Money!"

    • Terry

      This would have required a good bit of work, something Palin is demonstratively allergic to.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        If it was Palin's work, the camper would only be half-covered with gibberish.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Reads like a bottle of Dr Bronner’s Peppermint Soap only evil.

    • alaninthecastro

      You know those refrigerator magnet sets full of words, where you put them together at random and make a free-verse poem? Wingnut version.

    • DahBoner

      All One Queer!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Great Minds….d'oh!

    • Goonemeritus

      Holey crap Dr Broonner’s peppermint Soap, I feel my youth coming back to me in a giant Patchouli stinking cloud.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Guaranteed Fair Trade! I still use it.

        • Doktor Zoom

          Mother Cat teaches her kittens the moral ABC. Obama's a Queer (Satan).

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    "National queers month, is national Satan month"

    Unnecessary comma, is unnecessary

    • Fare la Volpe

      Be glad he knows what a comma is. I'm looking at you, Faulkner.

      • V572 der Plaatz

        Hey, easy on old Bill. Bit of a racist, sure, but he could actually write when he was sober, or maybe when he was drunk. And like so many great writers, he worked for the Post Office.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      More, commas, equals more, credibility.
      ~

      • GOPCrusher

        When I read that, I heard William Shatner's voice.

      • mumbly_joe

        It certainly makes the dining pandas, more credible.

    • finallyhappy

      Shouldn't it be National SATIN month?

    • Doktor Zoom

      This mus't be reported to the Ankh-Morpork Greengrocer's' Guild.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I didn't know that June was National Satan month. I feel bad that I didn't send out Satan cards, or sacrifice a goat.

    • Barb

      Get some at Hallmark in the "when you care enough to send the hairy beast" section. The glue on the envelopes taste like ass though.

      • jus_wonderin

        Oh my. LOL.

        But, do I put Forever stamps on them?

        • WriteyWriterton

          I would recommend the Whatever Stamps.

          • Negropolis

            I'd recommend sealing it with a blood of your choosing.

      • Limeylizzie

        One of your best ,there, Barb.

    • Geminisunmars

      Oh crap. I miss it every year.

      • PuckStopsHere

        That's okay. It's gotten WAY too commercial. Just gets worse every year, you know?

        • Come here a minute

          I hate it when stores start putting out their "National Satan Month" decorations out before it's even All Queers Eve.

          • jus_wonderin

            However, after…"There's a sale at Penney's!!"

          • Negropolis

            There's always a sale at Penney's. Penney's is one giant, continuous sale.

        • Mahousu

          Wouldn't the problem be if it hadn't gotten commercial enough?

    • insidebeltway

      Is it ok to say "Happy Satan" or do we have to say "Good summer month"?

      • Doktor Zoom

        Keep Satan in Satanmas!

        • ShaveTheWhales

          It's that blasted "War on Satan", again.

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Where is Bill O'Reilly when there is something important like this?

    • comrad_darkness

      I never sacrifice my goat since I like the goat cheese, but I do weave it a nice garland of flowers for the occasion.

      Does that make me a Bad Satan Worshipper? And what does that imply about being a Good Satan Worshipper anyway?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "Satan it with Flowers"

  • nounverb911

    What happens when this teabagger finds out the Marcus and Lindsey are gay?

    • jus_wonderin

      "KOA Campgrounds – Over 400 camp site and RV park camping locations offer everything from basic tent sites to cabins, cottages and luxury lodging."

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Who is going to tell him, Mitch McConnell? Rush Limbaugh? FAUX Nooze?

      The secret is safe.
      ~

    • Barb

      What happens when this teabagger finds out Marcus and Lindsey are gay? I don't know the answer to that. I only hope that he's wearing a condom when he does. : )

  • Fare la Volpe

    Makes more sense than Atlas Shrugged.

    • WriteyWriterton

      I thought this was "Atlas Shrugged."

      • DahBoner

        No, this is Queer Eye for the Atlas Shagged Guy

        • WriteyWriterton

          Bravo! (See what I did there?)

    • MLite

      I always find it humorous though that Ayn Rand would also despise people like this.

    • AlaskaGrrl

      Better written too.

  • jus_wonderin

    Isn't it a violation when you can't see out of the rear of your vehicle? Or when you have your ranting head so far up your sorry ass you have to drive with your feet?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Should be fun when they're rear-ended* by a nearsighted driver trying to read their vehicle.

      *GET IT??????

  • nounverb911

    Now we know who writes the verbal section of the SATs.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Queer : Obama :: Satan : ______

    • prommie

      From the LSAT: Four teabaggers are sitting in a row of 5 chairs in the waiting room of the government disability office, waiting for their government check. Teabagger A is a paranoid conspiracy freak who always sits on the end of a row, so he can avoid being surrounded by gay aliens trying to probe him. Teabagger B is a libertarian Ayn Rand devotee. He has to sit on the end also, with the empty chair on the other side of him, because he is an individualist who despises collectivist activities such as sitting with others, or dating or having sex with or civil conversation with others, as well. Teabagger C is wearing a tri-corn hat and carrying a Gadsen flag, on a flagpole. Teabagger D has a handgun in a holster on his right side, and has an AK-47 slung over his left shoulder, and a KKK membership card hidden in his wallet.

      Assuming Teabagger A is sitting on the far left, where are the rest of the Teabaggers sitting?

      • PuckStopsHere

        Is this an ad for Netflix?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Is this the Wonkette Troll Convention? Because I'm pretty sure you got Neilist in there, for one.

      • Geminisunmars

        Trick question. None of them would sit on the far left.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    There it is, the old rusted-out camper, America's most trusted journalist.
    ~

    • anniegetyerfun

      I've seen this before! He travels to Washington occasionally.

      Hey, at least he doesn't tap your phone like Murdoch.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He's hearing enough voices as it is.

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    June is National Queers Month
    National Queers Month is National Satan Month

    Dammit! You mean I missed it?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I would like to think that every month is National Satan Month.

    • BeWoot

      Yeah, me too. Whoever is in charge of that Gay Agenda thing needs to up their game.

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    Also, this guy is a total troll: too few misspellings for a Teahadi. I call shenanigans

    • Zombie_Reagan

      Do failure to use proper grammar and crimes against parentheses count?

      • SorosBot

        And what about his, seeming belief that, every few words,should be a comma.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Brain-damaged former English major, methinks.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    GAH! I've begged Mom to park that goddamn thing in the garage.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Today in other Teabagger Favorite Founding Fathers history:

    Alexander Hamilton was shot by Aaron Burr 207 years ago today in their infamous morning duel in Weehawken, New Jersey. Hamilton would die of his injuries the next afternoon, July 12, 1804.

    To put it in a modern context, imagine Joe Biden and Timothy Geithner rowing to New Jersey and shooting at each other.

    No, really. Just imagine it. And try to keep from laughing.

    • GOPCrusher

      Can't do it.

    • Terry

      Biden would win hands down. Not even a contest.

    • CalamityJames

      Did this happen before or after they abolished slavery to warn the British that ringing bells meant two if by sea for freedumz?

  • samsuncle

    Needs more queer, satan, and Obama but not necessarily in that order.

  • prommie

    Dr. Bronner, is that you?

    • Andrew Drinker

      This is what I was gonna say, but I say you're a dirtier hippy than I. I salute you, prommie!

  • WriteyWriterton

    Another blow for, excuse me, to US literacy.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    tl;dr

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Truck Nuts or STFU.

  • Zombie_Reagan

    Now THIS is a GOP Manifesto worth signing.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm sort of surprised that Michele Bachmann hasn't spray painted her signature at the bottom.

      • riverside68

        It's Michele's trailer, full of the remains of the 234 foster kids.

        DON"T OPEN THE TRUNK!

    • PuckStopsHere

      Michele Bachmann signed it this morning.

      • comrad_darkness

        It was ALL preamble, turns out.

    • genxr

      Better check the front bumper for a preamble, first.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    RV actually stands for Really Vile? Redneck Voter?? Rapture Victim???

    • CalamityJames

      All of them, katie.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It is good to know in this day and age, as print media becomes less and less important, there is still a place for the printed word on the back of beat up RVs and Pickup Trucks throughout this land.

  • WriteyWriterton

    Who knew the marketplace of ideas was a parking lot?

    • Doktor Zoom

      He's set up a rickety card table in the flea market of ideas.

      • WriteyWriterton

        More like a teevee dining table, over which hangs his sagging beer belly, as he consumes corn-syrup and cheese curls to the dulcet tones of Steve Doocy, et al.

    • genxr

      More of a flea market of ideas, but yes.

  • Blendergoathead

    If that's not a mobile meth lab, it sure as hell looks like one.

    • riverside68

      Most excellent cover!

      • genxr

        Yes, nobody would suspect the driver of paranoia, or staying up for days on end working on bizarre projects.

        • WriteyWriterton

          Totally!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    He drives from gun show to tea party rally to gun show, across the nation, selling T-Shirts that say "Yup, I'm a racist." This is what he does between shows.

  • Rotundo_

    WTF? is this the Westboro mobile unit? Are they too broke to buy hotel rooms or do a meth binge to get to the graveside protest of the day? Or is this one of the old boys' disciples striking out on his own as a prophet (or should that be spelled profit?)? Yay for our open 'murkin' society and for tolerance!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Oooh, somebody's still using PrintShop 1.2!

    I'm just surprised it's not dot-matrix….

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think those are mailbox letters.

    • Giveusabob

      More likely generated using The Print Shop for C64, by Brøderbund. I should ask him if he still has a working Galaxian cartridge. Mine finally died a couple years ago.

  • SexySmurf

    I wonder how he knows that Obama (bi-sexual) Satan isn't circumcised?

    • PuckStopsHere

      From when he was sucking on his dick, on account of he's a cocksucker. (God, it's been weeks since I've been able to work the word "cocksucker" into a post. I feel so much better. Cocksucker, cocksucker, cocksucker).

    • riverside68

      Does that mean he's not Muslin? And not part of ZOG?

      Weird. who would have thunk it?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Alright, Oregon Wonketeers — run those plates! (And send the info to the Secret Service, please!)

    • Pat_Pending

      Probably from Bend, Oregon. Known colloquially as 'Bend Over Again'

  • jus_wonderin

    I do think there is a point at which you have used a word beyond it having any remaining meaning. QUEERS!!

    • tessiee

      Also, there comes a point where, if you repeat a word enough times, it starts sounding really weird.

  • Weenus299

    Fuck, that reads like Howl for idiots.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I am not allowed
      To ever come up with a single original thought
      I am not allowed
      To meet the criminal government agent who oppresses me

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpRTjKXxXRo

    • exmartinette

      I dunno, seems more Joycean to me:

      "Stately, plump Communist Buck (Queer) Mulligan Satan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed…"

  • prommie

    Cheeta? GM? Soldiers in pink uniforms, nylon stockings, and high heels? This is beautiful. I think this guy might be a little too fixated on the "queer" thing, though. Its queer, in fact, its the queeriest queer queerness, how often he finds it necessary to use the word "queer."

    • GOPCrusher

      Why does this character hate Miroslav Satan?

      • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

        Must be a Rangers fan.

    • V572 der Plaatz

      He's queerly got a problem along those lines.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      I suspect his rant and the use of the queer word has something to do with a closet…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think this guy has some issues.

    • WriteyWriterton

      This guy has nothing BUT issues.

      • jus_wonderin

        His issues have issues.

        • Doktor Zoom

          His issues have this guy.

    • JoshuaNorton

      More issues than a magazine stand.

    • riverside68

      You really are a pretty sensitive guy . . . are you sure you don't happen to be QUEER?

    • insidebeltway

      That RV is actually his closet. Come on out, we don't bite.

    • Come here a minute

      Yes, back issues of Blueboy.

    • tessiee

      "I think this guy has some issues. "

      "Some"? He's got more issues than Time-Life.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I'm thinking National Geographic – huge piles of issues that he won't ever part with.

  • PuckStopsHere

    In which issue of "Better Homes and Gardens" did you find this picture?

  • El Pinche

    Doesn't the driver know never get political when you're trying to pick up 9 yr old boys?. It's a turn off.

  • SorosBot

    His spelling mostly correct might be mostly, but he grammar are atrocious. So bad it.

    • Barb

      Dude, how does he know the POTUS is uncircumcised? The bagger doth protest too much, methinks.

      • SorosBot

        He probably knows because the President's giant black cock is uncircumcised in his visions where Obama forces the driver to suck it. These visions are nightmares, and not at all fantasies he jerks off too.

    • tessiee

      I accidently the insane RV.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    This guy must want to suck a cock so bad.

    • Zombie_Reagan

      The self-projection in that schizophrenic screed is truly unbelievable.

    • prommie

      Like the comedian who said he wanted to rebel against his Dad so bad, he fantasized that he woul move to the city, and get a little dolly, like a furniture dolly, and push himself down the street, sucking every cock he saw, just rolling along, surrounded by dongs, sucking one after another. Thats what this guy wants so bad.

      • Radiotherapy®

        Like this guy.
        apologies to el pinche

      • Tommmcattt

        I think I have a movie like that somewhere.

    • V572 der Plaatz

      Must be related to Bruce Heffernan.

    • PristineODummy

      How can you tell? I mean, what's the give-away, here?

  • LabRodent

    Whats his problem?

  • Weenus299

    (Satan) God (Obama) Queer (The Bible) Thinks (Hates God) Politicians (Fags) AND ARE (Un-American).

    • ShaveTheWhales

      QED.

  • MaxNeanderthal

    I sense that black goop starts to run down the owners face whenever a rational thought flits across the alkali desert of his mind. Think Gary Oldman in "The Fifth Element" when he's under pressure from his demon…

  • alaninthecastro

    I can't believe I missed National Satan Month! Why didn't Wonkette notify us? Goddamn Beelzebub didn't even mention it on his Facebook page.

    • HistoriCat

      It's because Wonkette is morally weak.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What does this guy have against Santa?

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Santa makes him Claustrophobic.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        That rubs unpleasantly against my pun receptors. Good job!

    • Doktor Zoom

      He's sick of his hard-earned tax dollars going to all those Dependent Clauses.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I dunno, Faldar.

  • samsuncle

    This guy is just pissed off because Obama wants to take away his corporate jet tax deduction.

  • freelancer

    Who knew Livonia was actually in Oregon?

    • PuckStopsHere

      OMG. First I've heard of this guy. I can walk to Livonia from my house. I never have, but I could.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Oh, my…

      For a moment there, I thought he was this guy

      • Geminisunmars

        "I am from the village of Minerva".
        Sheer poetry.

    • Barrelhse

      Livonia's a town?
      I thought it was that black-haired broad with big tits who always shows up on TV at Halloween.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Oregon plates mean this is Hipster Irony ™.

    & you will know the Blue Collar Parody Tour by the Fleet Foxes soundtrack on the ipod.

    • emmelemm

      OH please oh please oh please let it be hipster irony. Now THAT would put a smile on my face.

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      Um, guys, I live in Oregon, you do realize like anything on the east side of the Cascades is pretty much the worst of redneck country from California, paranoid desert dwellers from Nevada and white supremacists from Idaho.

      It is only like 10% of the population of the state though.

      • Sparky_McGruff

        Who are you kidding? You don't have to go east of the cascades. You just have to take the right exits from I-5. Springfield, REPRESENT!

        Then again, half of Portland makes me nervous for one reason or another, for that matter. There's a reason that Tonya Harding felt so at home in the greater Portburgh area.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Our downfister troll has been busy.

    • fuflans

      it's downfister's camper after all.

    • comrad_darkness

      He luvs the crazy.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Geeze — throw in some more circumcision references and you've got the lost letter of Paul to the Romans.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Just like the Bible says.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Dilute! Dilute!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Great minds.

    • tessiee

      All-one! OK!

  • littlebigdaddy

    the "stiff-necked weiner" bit reveals some sexual ambivalence, in my opinion.

  • Barb

    OH SHIT! OT, but Westboro plans to picket Betty Fords funeral. Man, they should just tazer those bastards!

    • ThundercatHo

      Tazer, nah, RPG.

    • Rotundo_

      They go to every celeb and political funeral, I'm sure that the secret service will keep them at a safe distance on this one. I'm surprised they don't sell tee shirts or something. If they really wanted to make some money, they could set up a spitting booth and charge folks five bucks to hock a loogie on them.

      • C_R_Eature

        I'd pay to throw pies. If the pies were filled with Durian fruit puree, habanero pepper and LSD, that is.

        • PristineODummy

          You'd waste good durian on those scum? Hai-yah, what is the world coming to, lor.

          • C_R_Eature

            That's a very good point, thanks.

            Whipped cream and Butyric Acid, then.

  • edgydrifter

    If the choice is between being a gay satanic communist or this guy's buddy, I'll be the one giving out handies and vials of goat blood down at Lenin's tomb.

  • gullywompr

    Every summer, there's one or two of these vehicles that drive around and around downtown DC, spreading their message, and looking for cheap parking. It really destroys the beauty of the National Mall.

    • MissusBarry

      Ah, you must know the Beverly Hillbilly anti-abortion truck that indicates brown babies are an endangered species, then? Often by Union Station. Always makes the bile and the blood pressure rise.

      • gullywompr

        Yep, I see that yahoo every couple of days.

        Ya know, that contraption looks like a real fire trap. I'd hate to see anything happen to it.

        • MissusBarry

          Indeed, and a relatively dry summer. I should probably delete this account, now, and erase all electronic evidence of wonkette participation.

        • Barrelhse

          It gets terribly hot in DC during the summer months. Perhaps these fine folks would enjoy a cocktail, eh, Molotov?

          • gullywompr

            That probably won't be necessary. I'm not joking when I say that vehicle is a fire trap – it appears to be constructed primarily from plywood and poster board. Also, it doesn't look like it's been inspected recently. I'm guessing his muffler mount will rust away pretty soon, and the resulting sparks will give us a new entry to the Darwin Awards Hall of Fame.

    • finallyhappy

      I did see the trucks for the Rapture around the mall but I'll have to look for these losers.

      • Barrelhse

        Those Rapture assholes won't be back. They're homeless, jobless, and saddled with huge payments on their gasoline charge-cards.
        And fucking stupid, ha ha!

  • baconzgood

    Jebus…..I need a fucking flow chart to understand this shit.

    "The truth is nasty as queer Obama"? Can you even diagram that sentence?

    • Geminisunmars

      Truth>>>>>>>nasty<<<<<<<<++++
      +
      +
      ^^^^^^^^Obama[[[queer]]]] The Is Ass

    • Doktor Zoom

      I saw something nasty in the camper.

  • pinkocommi

    It is amazing how obsessed by sin are the people who secretly commit so much of it.

    There's a lesson there.

    • Barrelhse

      I'm going to guess it's a little crusty inside that rolling cum-wipe.

  • petehammer

    (crosses fingers)

    Please not Oregon, please not Oregon, please not Oregon…

    DAMMIT!

    • baconzgood

      WIN.

    • hagajim

      Gotta be eastsider

    • Barrelhse

      Drifted down from WA, no doubt.

      • riverside68

        Hey, you got no call to bring WA into this.

        Far more likely he drifted up from Californication, or over from SLC

    • __kth__

      take it easy, even money says the trailer isn't registered and OR is merely the home state of the previous owner

  • gullywompr

    They've got to stop selling those magnetic poetry kits.

  • LabRodent

    I wonder what the inside looks like…..

    • jus_wonderin

      Oh my god, you are brave. I can't even bring myself to wonder.

      • __kth__

        he meant the trailer

        • tessiee

          A whole lotta Sudafed and nail polish remover.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Hundreds, literally hundreds, of empty boxes of ephedrine tablets. And the rest of this list, in profuse quantities: http://citizensagainstmeth.org/meth_ingredients.h

    • Radiotherapy®

      It's like watching Föx 24/7.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Think Jame Gumb's basement, only not as roomy.

      • glamourdammerung

        I was thinking Jame Gumb's basement but with more paperwork for "entitlement programs" myself.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Yes, that was my first thought and it was not pretty. Also, too imagine what it *smells* like.

    • Steverino247

      Um, let's see. Jack Chick pamphlets up the ass?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        That's novel — apply them at the seat of the problem!

    • C_R_Eature

      It's one Fructose-Spattered Fantasy in there.

    • Eve8Apples

      There has to be a cage containing a blindfolded, bound and gagged missing child.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    "Quick, to the Batshit-mobile!"

    (I know I recycled this one, but it's still funny)

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Needs more "Good Sam RV Club" stickers.

  • BornInATrailer

    One is almost left with the feeling he has an issue with homosexuals.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wouldn't like to have a beer with this person.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    This kind of redefines the bumper sticker.

  • Barrelhse

    Something VERY queer about this guy, eh?

  • baconzgood

    "THE WHOLE WORLD LOVES A WINNER. NOT SATAN (QUEER) OBAMA A WIENER WITH EARS, STIFFED NECKED, AND UNCIRCUMSIZED WHICH MEANS HE HAS A HARD ON FOR GOD (AMERICA) BUT HE'S NOT SHOWING IT"

    That statment confuses me. Isn't a hard on for God a good thing? This guy's thought process is as clear as tar.

    • Barrelhse

      Yeah, if the "whole world loves a wiener," then what's the problem?

    • Steverino247

      And since we all know that "God has a hard on for the Marines…"

  • JoshuaNorton

    Someone has spent waaaaay too much time fixating on what's "queer".

    Next thing you know the neighbors will be telling the camera crews "but he seemed so normal" after the SWAT team and ambulances pull away.

    • voodooeconomics

      lmao. hopefully before he hurts someone in a wild shootout with the queeerrrrrss

    • finallyhappy

      Amazing- when I hear that one- and then you see the photo of the guy. I worry about the neighbors too.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Check his crawlspace, NOW.

    • tessiee

      "the neighbors will be telling the camera crews "but he seemed so normal""

      Somehow, I'm inclined to doubt that.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Yeah, he strikes me as more the "Pretty quiet, kept to himself. We had no idea!" type.

    • PristineODummy

      Not *his* neighbours, bud. They'll be the ones who called SWAT on him.

  • Fare la Volpe

    The whole world loves a winner, not Satan (queer) Obama, a weiner, with ears, stiff necked, and uncircumsized which means he has a hard on for God (America) but he's not showing it.

    Trust me, honey. He's showing it.

    • SexySmurf

      Who says Obama's stimulus package was too small?

    • Limeylizzie

      He is so beautiful, I will miss him next year and won't feel the same about President Michele and Mrs. Bachmann.

  • SexySmurf

    "The truth is as nasty as queer (Satan) Obama, (has to be)…"

    Is this a reference to Obama's brief stint as hype man for 2 Live Crew?

  • WriteyWriterton

    Does the "HC" on the Oregon plate stand for "Howling Crazy"?

  • ThundercatHo

    "Hard on for God (America)", I thought that was Newt's gig.

    • zhubajie

      I'll bet Neut hasn't been really hard for a long time!

  • Guppy06

    That camper is made of pure Time Cube!

  • prommie

    Whats the over/under on the number of dead hookers buried in this guy's crawlspace?

    • MaxNeanderthal

      8 male, 6 female, +/- 2

      • PristineODummy

        I was thinking in the hundreds, surely. Too ambitious?

    • WriteyWriterton

      I'll take the over.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    IF THIS CAMPERS ROCKIN QUEERS CAME A-KNOCKIN. CALL 911 & MARCUS BACHMANN STRAIGHT SQUAD STAT. GOD BLESS

  • axmxz

    "Satan Obama forks everybody" is an anagram for "Fat Yank sodomy observer, baa."

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!?..

    • Barrelhse

      maxzx- is that you?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    America is now under communist command.

    And yet, we can't seem to raise taxes on corporate jet owners.

  • Rotundo_

    When this one breaks down for the last time, I'll bet some poor yardman in some godforsaken shithole of a junkyard is going to run into some surprises that will rattle him down to his core. If the outside is that fucked up, imagine how the author lives inside. I'm thinking lots and lots of newspaper clippings, rat turds and many bottles of distilled water and urine with dates written on them. And a few partially consumed bottles of various antipsychotics buried in the layers below.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Yup ;"Wonder what that lampshade's made of?………uh-oh….."

    • jus_wonderin

      I bet he's waiting for the next Cash for Clunkers program.

    • zhubajie

      The roof is held up by piles of porno tapes, porn books, full runs of Hustler, Blueboy, etc. I doubt he can afford to hire a yardman, so you can bet the grass and bushes are tall and bushy.

    • PristineODummy

      What, no feces?

  • baconzgood

    NEEDS MOAR "()" AND "," AND CAPS!!!!

  • Doktor Zoom

    I think I'll skip this movie, now that I've seen the trailer.

    • bureaucrap

      wish I could double upfist that one. Nice!

    • Radiotherapy®

      And to think the book is usually better than the movie.

  • 5thstate

    All valid points, of course, but the real question is; What is GOD going to fucking DO about It, then?

    • Geminisunmars

      Send dust storms, fires, tornados…oh, wait

    • zhubajie

      Sit back and laugh, of course. Say something like "Hey, Satan, have you seen this dipshit in Oregon who's saying my servant Obama is queer? What do you think?" Satan: "As I go up and down and to and fro in the world, I have more fun with the conserva-cookies in the US than with anything else. I don't even need to tempt them much!" "Drinking the Kool-aid, are they?" "You betcha!"

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    What's really queer is that Agent Orange has absolutely lost control over the shits in the Rethug House macaucus. He needs Depends moar than Vitter.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Needs a bumper sticker: How is my UPPERCASING?

    • GOPCrusher

      My Co-Pilot is Jesus.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      WIN

  • prommie

    You have to admit, its more coherent than Palin's platform. He is something of a single-issue guy, but, well, he does get his message across: QUEERS.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      We don't know if anyone's told him how much a Slim Jim will set you back these days.

  • Limeylizzie

    I would like to fuck Wonkette Operative "Leo S.".

    • Barb

      Quick someone! How do I change my user name to Leo S?

      • WriteyWriterton

        Too late. I've already done it! Oh, wait, I haven't!

      • Limeylizzie

        Hubba Hubba.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Oh, you. How've you been otherwise?

      • Barb

        Bad day, got smacked by a Wal Mart employee. Wondering if I should go back and kick his ass, lol.

        • jus_wonderin

          Barb, don't tell us you attended Bristol's book signing.

          • Barb

            LOL! That was really funny, thanks!
            Stopped by Wal Mart, paid for my propane gas tank refill, asked for a pack of Marlboro and the cashier couldn't find them. They were past the register and beyond the bagging area, so he can't say he feared for my snatching money out of the till that wasn't opened. There was a waist-high door between us and a good 7 feet between he and I. I pointed to what he was looking for and he spun around, lunged forward, smacked my hand out of the air and snarled "RELAX"

            I was stunned and couldn't speak. It was so humiliating! He didn't smile or chuckle or act like it was a joke. The dude has anger issues.

            I called the manager and I am waiting for them to watch the security tape of it. My friends are voting for me to have him arrested. I am voting for him to lose his job.

          • Geminisunmars

            Was there a trailer out in the parking lot with Oregon Plates and lots of "queer" writing on it?

            Wow. That sounds like a bizarre incident. But, at the risk of sounding all blame-the-victimy – what ever were you doing at Walmart?

          • sati_demise

            I have not stepped foot in a Wal Mart in over 25 years. just sayin' You can get all the same shit in other stores. I bet you can even get cheap cigs from the Natives

          • Barb

            Husband works for the Natives, you are correct that they are cheaper. he's still on vacation until tomorrow. We took 10 days off to renew our marriage vows after four years and take another honeymoon.

            I'm never going back to Wal mart! I really needed that gas for my grill. I fear driving around with those canisters in my car. I just imagine my Genesis Turbo Coupe turning into a Ford Pinto if I get dinged from behind.

          • Limeylizzie

            Barb, we can sneak a fag together, it'll be like high school.

          • Barb

            Are we wearing plaid skirts, crisply starched white blouses and knee socks?

          • Geminisunmars

            You know what you are doing to all the (straight) guys here, don't you?

          • Limeylizzie

            Of course we are!

          • Tundra Grifter

            And then you girls can sneak off and have a cigarette.

          • Doktor Zoom

            "My friends are voting for me to have him arrested. I am voting for him to lose his job."

            Honestly, why argue? If he's arrested for assault, he'll lose his job. Win-win!

          • tessiee

            "Stopped by Wal Mart, paid for my propane gas tank refill, asked for a pack of Marlboro and the cashier couldn't find them. They were past the register and beyond the bagging area, so he can't say he feared for my snatching money out of the till that wasn't opened. … I pointed to what he was looking for and he spun around, lunged forward, smacked my hand out of the air and snarled "RELAX"

            Jeez, I'm happy as hell you didn't ask him to let you deposit a check.

        • WriteyWriterton

          Sorry to hear that. Go back and loosen the nuts on his Hoverround wheels. That'll show him!

        • zhubajie

          Piss in his gas tank.

      • Limeylizzie

        All is well, Writey!

        • WriteyWriterton

          Excellent, L!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          No love for the last installment of Lionel & Antoinette's adventures? I put extra Nazi-killing in it for you…

          • Limeylizzie

            Oh, goody, I am heading back to the hayloft right now…

          • Limeylizzie

            We need to write some really good war / espionage soft-core porn.

          • Doktor Zoom

            In this one, does Lionel have a trailer caravan with insane rants about Obama Churchill scrawled all over it?

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I fuckin' hate pikeys.

          • Barrelhse

            "Babes in Khaki"

          • zhubajie

            Something like the Flashman series, but WW II era?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Can't believe an hour in and no one has gone with the "I'm Leo S!" meme.

      I'm Leo S!

      • Limeylizzie

        C'mere you.

        • Barrelhse

          lol

        • Tundra Grifter

          Today we are all Leo S. If we're lucky.

          You go [at it], girl!

      • tessiee

        "I'm Leo S, and so is my wife!"

        • Doktor Zoom

          She's frosting a cake with a paper knife….

          ("I have amnesia and deja vu at the same time"–Steven Wright)

          • C_R_Eature

            All what we got here's American Made.
            It's a little bit Cheesy, but it's nicely displayed.

            so it's All Good.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I'm just trying to figure out the connection between crucifixion scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian and Frank Zappa's "Flakes". Twice in two days, yet.

          • Doktor Zoom

            …and so is my wife.

    • C_R_Eature

      Today, We are all want to be Leo S.

      (Fixed.)

  • Fox n Fiends

    Its missing one more sticker: "Log Cabin Republican Inside".

    • Tundra Grifter

      How far is the Olde Log Inn?

    • PristineODummy

      But soft and creamy on the outside.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Some people need an entire camper to haul their closet around.

  • axmxz

    So that's what Tourette's looks like on paper.

  • http://www.burndownblog.com evan7257

    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    Barack Obama is a Queer.

    • Barb

      When I read this I imagined The Talking Heads singing it, lol.

      • Geminisunmars

        same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was…

    • Doktor Zoom

      Some say the world will end in fire,
      Some say in ice.
      From what I've tasted of desire
      I hold with those who favor fire.
      But BARACK OBAMA IS QUEER (SATAN).

    • __kth__

      not with a bang but with a rimjob?

  • WriteyWriterton

    O/T: In the book ad for "A Stranger Like You," they call it the best book about the underbelly of H-wood since "Day of the Locus."

    I missed that one. Read "Day of the Locust," though. That was pretty darn good.

  • BornInATrailer

    The Master's tardis in the latest Dr. Who incarnation is fairly disturbing.

    • JoshuaNorton

      OK, I LOL'd on that one, I did.

    • Doktor Zoom

      This is more of a Fucktardis

    • zhubajie

      Hey, everyone knows that Dr Hu is having fun in China! The Tardis is disguised as your classic Beijing brick shit-house.

  • axmxz
  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    It's kinda like a mean Howard Finster without the cool art.

  • DrunkenPalmetto

    If you read it backwards its just "I buried Russert" over and over.

  • Eve8Apples

    The only things holding that piece of shit tin can together are packing tape and hate.

    Imagine the look on the other campers' faces when Mr. Enlightment rolls into the RV park for the night.

    • __kth__

      I'm guessing the swankier "RV resorts" probably don't rent to the likes of him (the side panel is probably a long screed on the fascism inherent in requiring trailers to be of a more recent vintage than 1966, and to have a functioning suspension system). Nothing the state parks can do to keep him out, though, sadly.

  • Rotundo_

    Imagine sitting at your pic-a-nic table in front of your winnebago and having this charmer pull upside in the next camping space. What a veritable feast for the senses: The smells, the taste (no doubt from the strong smells) the sound of him ranting all night, the chills running up and down your spine when he starts chanting Obama Faggot! over and over again until he comes all over himself.. The sight of it all…

    • SorosBot

      The screams from the back of the wagon…

    • Barrelhse

      And the pale, thin, bruised young boy they would occasionally glimpse…..

    • tessiee

      "Imagine sitting at your pic-a-nic table"

      I doubt this guy is smarter than the average bear.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Last time this guy was in New York, I'm sure he dined at the Algonquin Round table with like-"minded" Illuminati.

  • fuflans

    man that's a LOT of tape.

  • hagajim

    Hapyness not gay? Shit, I thought hapiness and gay were synonymous…WTF happened to my language?

    Oh – and I am confused, is queer Obama bi-sexual, or satan, or both? And if he is queer and satan how does that make him bi-sexual?

    • Barrelhse

      I dare you to ask him!

    • tessiee

      I think the queer Satan's name is actually Satin.

  • fuflans

    where's the stuff about elvis?

  • WhatTheHeck

    That's one long pre-amble to saying he doesn't like a black president.

    • 5thstate

      Not at all, just one mention of a monkey as far as I can see.

      One things for sure, this guy (HAS to be a guy, right?) obviously missed both the free blogging trend of a few years ago and the more recent Facebook thing.

      • SorosBot

        Mention of a monkey and an ape, all in the same sentence; at least he seems to know that apes are not monkeys. There may also be racial subtext to the uncut thing; but yeah he seems a lot more focused on his assertion that Obama is queer (Satan).

  • fuflans

    i think this is more james joyce than ts eliot.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I was thinking this is exactly what Kerouac would be up to today if he survived, but pickled his brain with the booze and drugs. Alzheimer's and paranoia also.

  • WriteyWriterton

    In Oregon, everything eventually disintegrates. Well, on the windward side, anyway. On the lee side, everything dries up and blows away.

  • jus_wonderin

    I see an offer of spokesperson coming from the Cracker Barrel Resturant chain.

  • glamourdammerung

    Spanky bought a vehicle?

    • emmelemm

      I think if we look carefully, we'll see a little satellite dish on the roof for the internet connection.

    • C_R_Eature

      spanky2b's Mobile Keyboard Kommand Post. Awesome.

      Oh, boy. We're going to get a Serious Downfisting from this and maybe even another "hurt feelings" reply I'll have to ignore.

      • Doktor Zoom

        He's "followed" me three different times over the past few days. He seems to think the auto-notification emails will somehow steal my mana. But, hey, if it makes him feel like he's winning his war on liberalism, sure.

        Help, Help. I am being followed by Spanky2B. I am so very intimidated. Gosh, maybe I should rethink my political beliefs and stop being a communist. Golly. He sure has shown ME.

        • glamourdammerung

          At the end of the day, I have pretty swell life and am happy. They are a deviant obsessed with trolling a website. I am really not sure what they think they are going to show any of us acting like a moron simply for the sake of it outside of what a bad joke American conservativism has become.

        • C_R_Eature

          Ditto that. You must be pissing him off. Either those "follows" are some half-assed intimidation tactic (look, see, I'm watching You!") or it's a poke at us for attention. Sad either way and I'd almost feel sorry but for the fact that he's such a Smeghead.

          • glamourdammerung

            After the stupid remarks about the girl murdered in the Giffords shooting, it was pretty obvious they were either a world class jerk or severely mentally/emotionally disturbed. Given all the time they obsess over us, I would pick the latter if I had to guess.

            It was funny though seeing how fast they would scurry off if their behavior got pointed out though. Besides, I have a suspicion that our other moron poster with multiple accounts is probably the same clown, so they can still whine here in impotent rage in between sobbing about bans "for no reason".

        • PristineODummy

          He followed me twice today, in the space of ten minutes or so. ??? Why would anybody want or need to follow someone else TWICE? It's not like it makes any difference to my p-ness or anything. And certainly not to my life. Plus, he's got a headshot of himself in serious bondage gear. Something tells me he's a bottom.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Didn't somebody confirm a long time ago that he's just some asshole kid using javascripts to automate all this nonsense?

  • comrad_darkness

    So, mister RV Teabagger, tell us about your mother . . . tell us about the time she caught you in her pink hosiery and high heels . . .

  • Pat_Pending

    Hmm… is the author of this tome a hollow man or a stuffed man?

  • glamourdammerung

    Needs at least three "wonKKKette bans non-communists" in there to remind me of a certain someone.

    • Tommmcattt

      Nah. Far too literate and well-spoken.

  • __kth__

    The loony doth protest too much, methinks.

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    I didn't know Michele Bachman's husband was from Oregon.

  • pinkocommi

    I am sure we all can sleep a little sounder knowing that the NRA continues to fight for the right of this guy to buy as many handguns and assault weapons as he wants.

  • raygotaway

    Fuck Schoolhouse Rock when you got toothless, cousin humping, bagger learning.

    • Barrelhse

      Ray, where you been posting lately?

  • Buckminster

    I've never felt a desire to take up vandalism with a shotgun before I saw that trailer. However, I'm reconsidering.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    If I had a nickel for every cock the owner of that trailer dreamed about sucking I would have a lot of nickels.

  • smitallica

    I propose a law that anyone who purchases more than two sheets of those stick-on letters is instantly thrown into a jail or insane asylum. Nothing good can come of it.

  • flamingpdog

    I bet Barry's not a happy camper today.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I bet that truck is going to get rear-ended a lot, both from people who were to busy reading to notice the break lights coming on or people getting pissed off and just following to close.

    He might as well have a bumper sticker that says "PLEASE TAILGATE ME!"

  • anonymousryan

    Man, Xzibit and the guys at West Coast Customs have really taken a strange direction on this season of Pimp My Ride.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Yo, dawg, we heard you like to write right-wing nonsense…

  • rocktonsam

    YOUR PLATES ARE EXPIRED GENIUS,PROBABLY.

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    It gets a little hardcore gay at the end with the whole "weiner, uncircumcised, hard on for America/God" The man is clearly a power bottom.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Have you seen those Pakistani or Guatemalan buses? This trailer is like those buses, but without any imagination.

  • iburl

    People laughed at Ayn Rand too. And for much the same reasons.

  • C_R_Eature

    You just know that this guy dreams every night of a half-Naked platoon of Marines cavorting onstage to "It's Raining Men" & wakes up with a raging Woodrow.

  • zhubajie

    Is it Gannon or Guckert or whatever his name was, in retirement?

  • tessiee

    I see that Tonya Harding has been busy these days.

  • HolyCow!!

    When I get to hell, I'm going to do a three-way with Obama and Satan!

  • tessiee

    "Mission Accomplished" was Bush, not Obama.
    Is this guy stupid or something?

    • C_R_Eature

      Well, now THERE'S a question that answer's itself!

    • C_R_Eature

      "But of Course!" (in nasal Clouseau voice)

  • Doktor Zoom

    Huh. Who knew that this guy had a campaign committee in Oregon?

  • Negropolis

    Surely, this is a man of Almighty God.

    The best – the VERY best – line of this is "Love Not Hate." Irony just had a massive stroke as it heard this one.

    Monkeys | typewriter | Shakespeare QED

  • lochnessmonster

    I couldn't finish reading it…thanks to you though so I didn't have to.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Somebody is just begging to have his trashy trailer painted pink.

  • comrad_darkness

    He's just saying that black presidents were better off under slavery.

  • EBGrey

    Atlass Buggered?

  • dyedwool

    Hold on a sec…I can't find the preamble.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    Quote the Bard. "I think the Lady doth protest to much."

  • ttommyunger

    Please don't tell me this ignorant fuckwad can qualify for a Driver's License.

  • keepintime1592

    Someone PLEASE tell me this isn't real. Freaktards like this are why the POTUS can't even visit the crapper without a Secret Service escort. If the outside is this scarey, just imagine what the INSIDE must look like! Probably gots an altar and some holy statues and stained glass and stuff. Oh, and wine. LOTS of wine. Or really really cheap beer. Pathetic doof.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The side of this marvel is equally fabulous: http://www.eatliver.com/img/2011/7024.jpg

    Driver is fueling his rage at B.K. — "you want flies with that shit?"

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    It's like the Ted Kaczinski Manifesto Road Show.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    Isn't it rich?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Send in the ass-clowns.

  • zhubajie

    My Secret Life, the Gay version!