justice in our time

The Terrorists Win, Because of Casey Anthony

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When terrorists roam free, not even turtles are safe.We are still trying very hard to ignore this Casey Anthony thing, but it is difficult to do this when it continues to inspire the minds of Americans with abortion jokes and dumb talking points. Oh, in case you managed to escape this horror, Casey Anthony is a lady from Florida who probably murdered her toddler (according to expert Americans across the country) but managed to get off the hook, because there just wasn’t quite enough evidence, and there’s this thing in our legal system where you’re not supposed to just give people the chair unless you’re absolutely sure they committed a crime. And this is just the sort of dangerous legal loophole that is going to let the terrorists win. Of course.

Grumpy old turtle human Mitch McConnell is very concerned about the Casey Anthony trial, because if the jurors are going to let some mentally unstable young mother from Orlando maybe murder her child and then go back to happily wrangling gators, or whatever it is they do there in between Disney parades, then what is to stop a jury from letting a terrorist do 9/11 all over the place, forever?

The Casey Anthony acquittal shows why U.S. civilian courts should not be trusted to handle terror-suspect cases, Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell said.

“We just found with the Caylee Anthony case how difficult is to get a conviction in a U.S. court,” McConnell, R-Ky., told “Fox News Sunday.”

Yes, this Anthony case has demonstrated just how “difficult” it is to give the death penalty to whoever we want. So really, Nancy Grace should just set up shop at Gitmo, since that is the best place for both terrorists and sleazy child abduction/murder suspects, because of Justice. [UPI]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

Comments

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    THAT was the problem… Nobody waterboarded Casey. I'm sure Nancy Grace would be happy to work this into her TeeVee program.

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      Too bad Casey wasn't tried here in Texas. Rick Perry would probably lethally inject her himself.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Anthony's not a Mexican.

        • OneDollarJuana

          But she IS a woman!

      • PristineODummy

        I'd ask "with what?" but I'm not sure I want to hear the most likely response.

    • hagajim

      I think I'd like to waterboard Nancy Grace – for fun!

    • Callyson

      Advertise it as a combination of torture and wet T – shirt contest. Ratings will go through the roof.

  • glamourdammerung

    It seems a bit odd that McConnell is publicly advocating Sharia Law.

    • comrad_darkness

      No, not really. The mouthbreathers will love him for it and bitch about atheists trying to enforce it. Come on. Keep up here.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      I thought he was advocating for Australian-type law. Kangaroo courts, and all. Or maybe Austrian courts: Mob Rules, ya'll!

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        If you listen to fools (Like Mitch the Bitch), the Mob Rules.

    • GOPCrusher

      Why does Yertle The Turtle hate the Constitution and Americans that made up a jury of her peers?

    • Swampgas_Man

      He doesn't want her stoned; that would be islamosocialist. He just want to shoot her in the pooper.

    • zhubajie

      What he wants is something like the PR China system, where you are always guilty, usually tortured into a confession, and you're only hope is to beg for mercy. Lots of death penalty, of course, for those without bribe money, connections, etc. Read Dai Sijie's _Mr. Muo's Traveling Couch_.

  • Tommmcattt

    We should really decide who is guilty or innocent by drawing little black and white rocks out of a black bag, like in that Shirley Jackson story. Come to think of it, we might as well elect the president that way too.

    • nounverb911

      The deadest candidate wins?

      • bikerlaureate

        Dead conscience, or dead soul ?

    • gvvt

      That's ridiculous. It leaves a chance that someone would be found innocent, even if the overwhelming majority of right-thinking lunatics can detect guilt from the emanations from their TV screen. We need call-in voting and a panel of celebrity judges.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        You missed the clause stating that the bag only contains black rocks.

      • finallyhappy

        I didn't follow this case – but like Terry Schiavo- we know that GOP congressmen can decide guilt, life, and cognizance from the TV screen

      • Swampgas_Man

        Dammit, this calls for a reality show.

    • genxr

      I'm all for doing that in the Republican primaries, as long as all the rocks are black.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Well, I for one would not feel so all alone if everybody would get stoned.

      • mog253

        exactly

      • PristineODummy

        You gotta hang out wit' da right kinda wimminz. They'll take care of that for ya.

    • GOPCrusher

      I'm surprised that they haven't proposed a system to do away with our current judicial system and implement a public voting system like Dancing With The Stars.

      • V572 der Plaatz

        Bristol Palin was robbed, so: no.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Obligatory link to my favorite* Onion headline: Watching Faces Of Students As They Finish 'The Lottery' Highlight Of English Teacher's Year

      —-
      *"favorite Onion headline" being a variable, depending on the topic being discussed. Sheesh. It's like asking someone what their favorite "Far Side" cartoon is…

    • zhubajie

      Ordeals! Forbidden by the Second Lateran Council, 1200s, I believe.

  • Canmon

    Mitch McConnell may not be the handsomest man in the world. Still, I'd like to thank you for using his picture in the post and not Nancy Grace's.

    • Terry

      Nancy Grace in full rant looks like a demonically possessed person right after they've been given a good splash of Holy Water.

  • comrad_darkness

    Republicans == Dictator wannabes.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      Serious question I've been repondering lately: are Mitch, Boner, other Congress critters, messianic evil or just opportunistic evil? I can't decide.

      • SayItWithWookies

        The banality of evil.

        • Tommmcattt

          The tedium of evil, actualy.

          • Doktor Zoom

            The droning fatuity of evil.

          • Tommmcattt

            The flabby neck-beardity of evil, perhaps?

            You know, for Jonah Goldberg and the like.

        • WriteyWriterton

          The red-flocked wallpaper of evil?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Stupidly evil … the worst kind, because it's everywhere, and impossible to get rid of. It's the kudzu of evil.

        • V572 der Plaatz

          Oh that is very nice.

      • ArmoredBore

        Chaotic Evil? Some of them only seem to behave when it's their own hide on the line.

        • Tommmcattt

          Because they are the Drow. Above-ground elves are Chaotic Good.

          • SorosBot

            But almost all Drow these days are Chaotic Good renegades, most of them dual wielding rangers.

          • Doktor Zoom

            Kucinich: I'M A BARD!

          • Tommmcattt

            Ah, we are sad, are we not?

      • Callyson

        I know this line is getting old, but…All of 'em, Katie.

        • ChessieNefercat

          I don't think that line will ever get old.

    • zhubajie

      Yes, of course. Or at least masters, with the rest of us slaves, serfs, peons, something servile.

  • nounverb911

    Who will be Nancy Grace's next missing white girl?

    • Fare la Volpe

      No one's seen Piper in a while…

      • Doktor Zoom

        Why are you threatening Sarah Palin's children?

    • El Pinche

      She should contact Glenn Beck.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Maybe Nancy will go missing. Then we can find out who really gives a shit.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Yeah, really — if you want to do something right, Nancy, you've gotta do it yourself.

        • Doktor Zoom

          There's a fine Twilight Zone script in there somewhere.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Betty Ford? Too soon?

    • http://minoritybabble.blogspot.com Minoritybabble

      This will be the next highest rated reality show.

  • Barb

    Nancy Grace's blood pressure is dangerously higher than her viewership numbers. I expect her to stroke out soon.

    • nounverb911

      Can we start a betting pool?

    • jzgplj

      We can only hope.

    • MissusBarry

      Is that calculated by treating systolic over diastolic as a fraction and dividing?

    • philpjfry

      From your lips to Gods ear

    • Guppy06

      The last thing I needed was a mental image of Nancy Grace "stroking out."

      • PristineODummy

        "Stroking out" != "rubbing one out." See Christine O'Donnell for the latter.

  • ThundercatHo

    Mitch McConnell should just shut the fuck up and go back to riding dinosaurs just like Jeebus did.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Haha, Turtle Man forgot one important fact: Casey Anthony may be a skank, but she is a white skank. No probs at all convicting the darker sorts–and this would apply to your Muslins too!

    • sati_demise

      that was so funny I threw up

      • DahBoner

        Remember, she got a fair trial in Floriduh with a jury of her White Trash peers…

    • PristineODummy

      Not to pick an unwarranted nit, or anything, but your average Muslin does tend to be of the darker sort. And hirsute. Neckbeardy, and that sort of thing.

    • zhubajie

      In the future, cruelty will be color blind. All serfs will be automatically guilty, no matter what they look like. All masters (McConnell sorts) will be automatically innocent, no matter what they do or look like.

  • baconzgood

    "We just found with the Caylee Anthony case how difficult is to get a conviction for a white woman in a U.S. court"

    (FIXED)

    • L188188

      "We have just found how difficult it is to get a white woman."

      (TRULY FIXED)

      • mumbly_joe

        Ain't it the truth.

        (BITTER)

      • guangho

        Yo where da white wimmen at?
        (Answer: Nowhere near Mitch.)

        • PristineODummy

          Not if they're planning on getting any.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Added McConnel: "I AM THE LUWWW"

    • Doktor Zoom

      Coming soon to a theater near you: Judge Yertle

    • Swampgas_Man

      Judge Dreadful

  • SorosBot

    Why should we even have a criminal justice system at all? Just allow the police to shoot anyone they think might be guilty of the crime, then we don't have to worry about someone who might be a killer but we can't really be sure going free!

    Actually, considering how cops who execute innocent men because they think a wallet looks like a gun or the like rarely even face discipline, much less murder charges, it seems we effectively do have that system in place in America today, at least if the victim is a black man.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      Thanks, you just made Down Fister troll cream his jeans.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Wait, don't you want to torture 'em before the cops shoot 'em?

    • Fare la Volpe

      a black man

      We prefer the term "potential defendant."

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Or "alleged perpetrator."

    • DahBoner

      "Just allow the police to shoot anyone they think might be guilty of the crime"

      Sharia Law for people too lazy to pick up a stone and throw it….

      • Swampgas_Man

        Hey, some of those stones are sharp and heavy!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Roy Bean set the tone for The Turtle's America: "Let's give the bastard a fair trial and then we'll hang him." We all live West of the Pecos in McConnell's Amerika.

      • hagajim

        Which is funny since that dick doesn't even live west of the Pecos.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          And he probably believes that there was/is a Vinegaroon County down here.

        • zhubajie

          Kentucky. It might as well be west of the Pecos.

    • V572 der Plaatz

      …considering how cops who execute innocent men because they think are advised by PBA lawyers to "remember seeing" a wallet looks like a gun….

      //fixed

    • zhubajie

      I've heard this from relatives for decades. :-(

  • EatsBabyDingos

    That is one ugly Cigar Store Indian.

  • Andrew Drinker

    The dollar is weak, just check out the price of Slim-Jims! Our judicial system is weak, just check out the Casey Anthony trial!

    Policy brought to you by the Republican Party.

    • MissTaken

      Global warming is a hoax, just check out the fog in SF today!

      • guangho

        Actually that's one of the GOP anti-global warming talking points. "If it be all warm and stuff, how come it be snowin' in Minnesota in January?"

  • MinAgain

    Hey, now, Mitch McConnell. That's anti-Founding Father talk, right there.

    • Doktor Zoom

      The Founding Fathers never had Mahometans in mind.

    • Redhead

      But not the (few and short) parts of the Constitution they've actually read.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    What about that Football player that cut those people's heads off?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Is he Messican? If so, Jan Brewer is on the case.

  • widestanceroman

    I ignore the opinions of men with diseased scrotums for necks.

  • Come here a minute

    This verdict also shows why it's important to cut taxes on the wealthy. I don't know how it shows that, but I'm sure that it does, and that there is a Republican somewhere who will be glad to explain it for us.

    • guangho

      Too many wealthy people would love to serve as jurors but the five bucks an hour they would get pushes them in a higher tax bracket. Cut taxes, for justice!

    • LetUsBray

      According the John Bolton, it also shows why we need to bomb Iran NOW.

  • MildMidwesterner

    Terry Schiavo was happy with Republicans who issued judicial opinions based on a 10 second CNN clip. Her catatonic head nodded in agreement. Your head should shake in agreement, too.

    • genxr

      I think trial by mylar baloon can replace a jury in most cases.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They should have thrown her in the pond and seen if she floated or not.

    • fuflans

      win!

    • mog253

      She doesn't look like a duck.

    • ArmoredBore

      Pfff, floating in a pond? Any inquisitor worth their salt knows she should've been weighed against the Bible on a giant set of scales.

      • SorosBot

        Build a bridge out of her!

        • Redhead

          She turned me into a Newt! (I got better.)

          • PristineODummy

            That's Gingrich's line.

      • zhubajie

        Pull three stones from the bottom of a boiling pot of water. See how long it takes her to heal. Quick: innocent. Slow: guilty.

        • ArmoredBore

          Trial by ordeal? I hear they still use that in rural African areas and it's surprisingly effective at solving small disputes (accusations of theft, etc.)

          • zhubajie

            >

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    And yet we have such astronomic incarceration rates. Guess he forgot about that.

    • GortRay

      Exactly! How can anyone believe anything that this naked mole rat says. Sometimes it just makes me want to scream like a monkey.

  • FidoMcCokefiend

    Why does Mitch McConnell hate America? Nice job conservatives – your leader just called you too stupid to judge anything.

    And, you'll lap it up like the mental midgets you are. I want to leave this planet now.

    • GOPCrusher

      And since they were on a jury, obviously these people vote or operate a motor vehicle.
      (Not sure of how people are selected to be on a jury in Florida)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "Not sure of how people are selected to be on a jury in Florida"

        Being able to fog a mirror seems to be about the extent of it… and they probably give you three tries.

      • WriteyWriterton

        Rick Scott picks you out of a line-up.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      your leader just called you too stupid to judge anything.

      Well, he does keep getting elected, so maybe he's right.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Speaking of injustices, how long before Ken Ham gets prosecuted for taking taxpayer money and building a religious edifice with 'em in Mitch's state?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Who let Turtleman out of the closet again?

    (Mr. Elaine Chao, if people need to be formal and stuff.)
    ~

    • zhubajie

      Daughter of a Guomindang general, so probably well-acquainted with crime.

  • JimmyPete

    This is what goes out as political wisdom today. My God even Teddy Bilbo is turning over in his grave.

  • Goonemeritus

    I think any cursory look at American jurors will conclude that we love executing the browns. Unless we are suddenly overrun by cute little white girl terrorists I think we’re ok.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "…cute little blond white girl terrorists…"

      Gotta be careful. It's a short step from brown hair to brown skin. Could be "one drop" in there somewhere.

      • guangho

        Casey had brown hair. But she had tits so not guilty.

        • glamourdammerung

          But she had tits so not guilty.

          So is that how Rush Limbaugh got out of those drug charges as well as defying the plea deal within a few hours of getting it?

  • hagajim

    Maybe fucking Mitch McConnell ought to focus on preventing the country he professes to love from going down the proverbial toilet. Who gives a flaying fuck about Casey Anthony, except her, her family and the poor dead kid anyway. Why don't we see how much time/money we can fucking waste making idiots, whores and murderers celebrities in this country. Stupid fucks!!!!

    • smitallica

      Good points. But please don't ever say "fucking Mitch McConnell" ever again.

      • hagajim

        My apologies…I will make sure I say fucking dickwad Mitch McConnell…is that better?

        • zhubajie

          No, it's the thought of him having sex with anything, human or non-human, which is disturbing. Even the girls at the Brass Ass in Newport (KY) would find him hard to take.

          Anyway, he might enjoy it! So let him bugger himself with a beer bottle, if he must have some kind of erotic satisfaction. :-(

  • fuflans

    asshats love constitution til constitution bites asshats in ass.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Constitution protects people we like, constitution protects people we don't like. How do you explain it?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Ya can't explain it. C'mon.

  • Crank_Tango

    If we uphold our system of justice, then the terrorists chin. What?

    • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

      Wattle we do then?!

  • PsycWench

    I should never read the comments on CNN stories but I have. One comment (barely paraphrased) about the acquittal that stood out
    "I'm worried that juries get so caught up in the instructions and doing things by the rules that they don't use their instincts".

    I'm not sure if that's a very good troll or reason to move to another country, but I suspect McConnell would agree.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Isn't this the same crowd who nearly screamed themselves into an aneurism when a recent SCOTUS nominee said something about "empathy?"

      Balls and strikes, people!

    • mog253

      Let's not let a pesky thing like evidence and law get in the way of a good hanging.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Wow — who knew Dubya spent his sunset years learning to use the internets?

    • C_R_Eature

      "I'm not sure if that's a very good troll or reason to move to another country"

      – Can't it be both?

    • PristineODummy

      Jeezus. Fuck me blind. Salt of the earth, you know, morons. I think I'll start drinking now.

    • zhubajie

      It's why many countries do not have juries.

    • zhubajie

      Go for the food or the people. Court systems are always bad news, wherever you go. :-(

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Caylee was the kid's name.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Indiana was the dog's name.

  • MARCdMan

    Yes, those civilian courts are completely broken. Might as well just do away with all that pesky jury trial stuff. Think of how much money we could save. Maybe even enough for another tax break to the top half-percent and ExxonMobil!

  • glamourdammerung

    You know who else thought trials were an annoyance and instead went off just killing folks they disliked?

    (I know, but sometimes it is sad that the conservatives do not even try to hide their anti-American nonsense anymore.)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Charles Bronson?

    • SorosBot

      Dictator Lucius Cornelius Sulla Felix?

    • anniegetyerfun

      The parents of the modern Ebola virus?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Henry Kissinger?

    • GOPCrusher

      Idi Amin?

    • Barrelhse

      Pat Garrett!

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Casey Anthony?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Cylons?

    • PristineODummy

      Oh, that's easy. The answer is "All fascist dictators." Right?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Verdict first. Evidence later.

  • Radiotherapy®

    McConnell also said that raising taxes on the job creators will not bring that child back.

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    Mitch did it.

  • Weenus299

    In an alternate universe, Abraham Lincoln is an ex-prosecutor who hosts a tee vee show that covers terrorist trials exclusively, live from Afghanistan.

  • Weenus299

    Just settle this like we did with the Cold War, with professional wrestlers.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Turtle Man’s logic is as flawed as:
    Newt’s moral compass.
    Palin’s work ethic.
    Boehner’s natural skin color.
    Bachmann’s sanity.
    Murdoch’s integrity.

    It just goes on and on….

    • Radiotherapy®

      T-Paw's charisma.
      Limbo's satiety.
      Cain's taste.
      Santorum's cleanliness.

  • pinkocommi

    "managed to get off the hook, because there just wasn’t quite enough evidence"

    Get it right. Casey Anthony wasn't convicted because she isn't black.

    • finallyhappy

      If she was black, you would have never heard of her and the trial would have taken 2 days

    • hagajim

      She isn't black and has tig ol' bitties.

    • GOPCrusher

      And a fetus wasn't harmed.

  • Sue4466

    Since Justice Scalia is on record as saying actual innocence is not a bar to imposition of the death penalty, I don't think the jury's verdict stands in the way of executing Casey Anthony. America has watched cable news' completely fair reporting and it's verdict is the one that counts. Sorry "justice."

    • guangho

      Yes but would the founding fathers have hung a pretty white lady?

      • Sue4466

        Hmmm. Interesting question. Our esteemed Justice Scalia has also said the drafters of the 14th Amendment didn't mean women when they used the word person, so wouldn't the same hold true of the rest of the Constitution? So, she can for sure be killed without trial since the whole Bill of Rights doesn't apply to her.

        But then there's the tricky question whether the drafters of Florida's criminal code meant "person" to include women? Might not have been able to try her at all.

  • zappadoo76

    Casey Anthony is the O.J. Simpson of the new century. Perhaps justice will eventually be served when she gets busted for trying to steal her baby memorabilia from the people who bought it on ebay.

    • not that Dewey

      If I Duct-Taped her Mouth

  • SheriffRoscoe

    “We just found with the Caylee Anthony case how difficult is to get a conviction in a U.S. court,” McConnell, R-Ky., told “Fox News Sunday.”

    They know what plays with the pitchfork-mob, yes?

    • SenileAgitation

      They do. I don't know what McConnell is so worried about, Texas managed to execute that Mexican fellow over the protests of the US Govt., Mexico and some international court. Surely we can rightfully convict a bad mad man terrorist type whose testimony is in no way tainted by torture, etc.

    • Barrelhse

      Roscoe, did you watch the Freedom movie? They're using Aristocrats and Rakes instead of Torches and Pitchforks.

  • CapeClod

    Yeah, it's just so hard dealing with that whole 'evidence that proves beyond reasonable doubt' thing. The Star Chamber handled the law sooo much better

  • Limeylizzie

    Between this twat and the Alaskunt I am feeling depressed.

    • prommie

      I was depressed but then I see here "twat" and "cunt" in the same sentence, and for some reason this cheered me. "Twat" reminds me of the 1970s, along with "muff," and, the best of all, "snatch."

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "Twat" works a lot better for me when pronounced in an English accent, and rhyming with "hat," than the American version that rhymes with "hot."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm sure there will be another Bachman post soon to complete the trifecta.

      • SorosBot

        Don't look at the sidebar.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Just call me Nostraflagass.

    • Barrelhse

      OT, but there is fun to had reading the Guardian these days, Lizzie!
      Cheers!

      • Limeylizzie

        Absolutely! They are delighting in NOT being a rag of Murdoch's!

  • BarackMyWorld

    By, Mitch, she was tried under state law and I thought state law was better than federal law…

    Wait, it's almost as if conservatives contradict themselves whenever it's convenient to get their way! Who'd have thought?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Federal law would have been brutal … a federal judge could find her guilty of lying to the cops, and sentence her to life because it was a murder she lied about. This, AFTER a jury verdict of not guilty.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    “We just found with the Caylee Anthony case how difficult is to get a conviction in a U.S. court when you have no evidence that the defendant is guilty,” McConnell, R-Ky., told “Fox News Sunday.”

    Statement fixed.

  • jus_wonderin

    What does the Casey Anthony verdict/aquittal say about the Global Warming?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Corpses are decomposing faster these days.

    • Crank_Tango

      chewbacca is a wookie and al gore lives in a big house, cogito ergo sum, it's all bullshit.

  • freakishlywrong

    He makes me want to make a cooter pie outta his ass and then throw that pie in Cantor's face.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I honestly have never disliked anyone on site so much as I dislike Mitch McConnell. I am not sure why – Sarah Palin, Lou Doobs, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh all naked and writhing around together would bother me roughly half as much as having to see McConnells fucking lower teeth.

      ETA: You are welcome for that mental image.

      • freakishlywrong

        The timbre and hatefulness aurally is also unbearable.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Yes. Again, nails on a chalkboard + Coldplay concert = More Enjoyable Sound than McConnell's voice.

          I can't pinpoint what exactly it is about his voice that is so annoying. The fact that all that air is whistling through those horrible bottom teeth? The accent? The slow, awful way you just know he is relishing every horrific though that spills from his gaping maw? I don't know; I only know that viscerally, this man raises my blood pressure by sevearl points.

          • Limeylizzie

            It's the complete lack of chin that does it for me, that and his utter cuntery demeanour.

          • anniegetyerfun

            Ah, yes, the weak chin. I shouldn't react so strongly to that, but I do.

          • Limeylizzie

            Like the fucking monarchy, all chinless wonders.

          • freakishlywrong

            I'm the same way. I find him utterly repugnant. The ugliness on the inside has manifested itself on the the outside. He is also downfisting us…I got Lizzie

      • GOPCrusher

        He's a smug asshole.
        And in the middle of the tsunami and the meltdown of the nuclear reactor in Japan, he had the balls to say that he wasn't going to debate future U.S. nuclear energy policy while events were still transpiring in Japan.

        • glamourdammerung

          Actually, I am pretty sure turtles do not have balls. Though in fairness, I have never checked.

  • Preferred Customer

    Now we know what Mitch thinks. But what does his waddle think? Has anyone asked for its opinion?

    • ChessieNefercat

      I think that is wattle. Newtie has a waddle.

      • Preferred Customer

        I think you are right, though I'm pretty sure ole Mitch has both.

  • sportshort

    Suspects should just be killed right away in a public spectacle that we can all drink a cup o' blood at, then hold the investigation, where they get exonerated in a public spectacle where we all drink a cup of good whiskey (like the Oirish!) and spend a week on Facebook self flagellating while we drink a cup of bitter, bitter tears. OK. That should do it.

  • proudgrampa

    Aah, McConnell is yet another example of the Dumbing of America: totally ignorant of the basis of the American judicial system. He is such a despicable old turd.

  • freakishlywrong

    IF Obamar wins a second term, my freude is going to totally schaden watching these ratfuckers scramble around knowing he really is a lame duck and won't be a tenth as cautious as he is now..That's IF.

  • sati_demise

    http://blogs.forbes.com/erikkain/2011/07/06/did-p… of course, we all know if you are brown you go downtown.

    • PristineODummy

      That is truly depressing, disgusting, and infuriating. I hope all the cops involved lose their jobs, their homes, their families, their dicks, and then DIAF.

  • prommie

    Convenience is the cornerstone of Justice!

  • BlueStateLibel

    Yeah, let's just scrap that whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing and that "fair trial" thing, the Founding Fathers probably didn't want that in the Constitution anything. And for the millionth time, I ask, why are the same shitheads who are always whining about "protecting the Constitution" the first ones who want to scrap it? I need a drink, and not some shitty Diet Coke.

    • C_R_Eature

      Oh, the answer to that is easy. These very shitheads do not believe in the Enlightenment inspired Constitution and Bill of Rights that you & I use. They have a heavily redacted, misinterpreted and mythologized version that they've taken great pains (and constructed several whole industries) to craft. For instance, that bit about "…for the purposes of establishing a Well-Regulated Militia" in the 2nd Amendment is practically Whited-Out.
      They also invariably think that their Constitution is handed down entire from an aggressively edited, poorly translated cobbled together 2000 year old book of Middle Eastern Tall Tales.
      Drinks are on me. Literally, they just fell in my lap. Shit!!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I forgot the section of the Constitution that made Mitch McConnell the final arbiter of who is guilty and who is not.

    • anniegetyerfun

      And THAT is why they pay him the big bucks.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Article VIII, Section 1 of the US Constitution states that all important trials involving emotional things shall be decided by one former prosecutor and one member of the US Congress. Section 2 states that the former US prosecutor shall be named "Nancy Grace" and the US congressperson shall be named "Mitchell McConnell." Section 3 says that their decisions shall be final and they alone shall have the power to carry out the sentences so handed down. Section 4 says this shall be done on television, in prime time, and is to be sponsored by Georgia Pacific.

      This is the essence of originalism. Those Founding Fathers were really prescient.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I had missed that section during law school Damn Liberal Law Teachers!

        Still, I had no idea that "Nancy Grace" was a title. I guess sort of like "Surgeon General"? I assume there have been many different Nancy Graces over the years, each holding this constitutionally important office?

        On the other hand, I assume there has been only one "Mitch McConnell," but that is only because turtles are so incredibly long-lived.

    • Zombie_Reagan

      It's the clause right next to Madison's doodle of Jeebus riding a T-Rex.

  • prommie

    If only we could come up with some kind of extra-judicial process, that would solve this problem, what could we do? In the South, they knew better than to trust the courts to convict teh Blacks, they used a procedure called "lynching." Maybe we could update this, something like, oh, how about a "high-tech lynching?"

    • jus_wonderin

      Adding to that (albeit poorly) we could put the defendant's name in to the Google search field and press the "I'm Feeling Lucky" tab.

      • PristineODummy

        No good. You just get Yertle the Turtle's official page. Feck. Now I need ANOTHER drink.

    • SenileAgitation

      I like your thinking. Sadly, it has been tried, and that high tech lynching proved to be ineffective in punishing you-know-who…

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    I find his lack of faith in our legal system disturbing…is he choking yet?

  • carolinaswamp

    Why does Mitch McConnell look like an unformed fetus? Is it too many facials in the Senate spa? Is he getting botox treatments?

  • ChessieNefercat

    Am I missing something? Because it sure sounds as though if you are a " terror-suspect", then you are, in fact, guilty of being a terrorist.

    Why have trials? If you are a suspect, the most important thing is making sure you are convicted, not that you get a fair trial? What could be more just than this?

    Constitution be damned (if it doesn't shoot itself in the head first).

    Edit: I realize now this looks like a list of stumbling half-points. I think it is because I just can't fathom a US senator coming right out and telling the entire basis for the US justice system to just fuck off. I can't snark coherently?

    • Papa_Uniform

      Nefercat, just remember you are dealing with Mitch Shitforbrains McConnell. Now does it all make sense?

    • finallyhappy

      Really, so you still have some respect for elected officials? That kind of faith makes me feel shallow.

      • ChessieNefercat

        “Really, so you still have some respect for elected officials?” Well, not any more. Try thinking of me as hopelessly naive, a pop-eyed optimist, or impressively stupid. Then you are not “shallow”, you are “smart.” Ta-da!

  • mumbly_joe

    Because everyone knows that the only good criminal justice system is one where everyone who is accused of a crime is convicted, and executed, irrespective of piddling things like "burden of proof". Just ask Rick Perry.

  • SorosBot

    Now, she may have been acquitted by a jury of her peers, but she was convicted by the jury of the media, so why not execute her anyway?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Now, if Anthony had been a black guy trying to cash a check, we might have had a different outcome. At least we can take comfort in that, yes?

  • Hollywooddood

    But terrorists don’t do wet t-shirt contests after they terrorize. So, bullshit.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    there’s this thing in our legal system where you’re not supposed to just give people the chair unless you’re absolutely sure they committed a crime.*

    *except in Texas. That whole "burden of proof" thing and "beyond a reasonable doubt" is changed to "Meh, close enough. Fry 'em."

    • Barrelhse

      Funny, isn't it, how worthless God's children are in Texas.

    • PubOption

      I seem to remember one case in Texas where the defense attorney slept through part of the trial, but no grounds were found for appeal.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Come on, people, it's very simple logic Mr. McConnell is using here:

    Terrorists have no evidence against them;
    Casey Anthony has no evidence against her;
    Therefore Casey Anthony is a terrorist.

    What more explaining needs to be done, really?

  • iburl

    One thing Democrats and Republicans agree on: U.S. civilian courts are no substitute for state torture and indefinite detention. God Bless Amurikah.

  • metamarcisf

    Casey Anthony should be treated no differently than Tilikum, the killer whale, and be held as an enemy combatant, detained at Guantanamo Sea World and tried by a military tribunal.

  • GOPCrusher

    Its amazing that their brains just can't make the next logical leap. If you're so afraid that the evidence against the Gitmo detainees is flimsy enough to not guarantee a conviction, maybe they aren't guilty?
    You cannot call yourself a civilized country when you are holding people against their will, with no hope of a trial or release.

    • LetUsBray

      "You cannot call yourself a civilized country when you are holding people against their will, with no hope of a trial or release."

      Sure, you can. You'd be lying, but that's never stopped these people before.

  • mumbly_joe

    Wait, so if Casey Anthony were a furriner, that would have somehow made her more dangerous, by magic? One could just as easily argue that the fact that Casey Anthony got off (and foreignerwise, that DSK is about to get off, most likely) and the world hasn't ended in a nuclear fireball is proof that failing to convict a few "obviously guilty" sorts isn't actually the end of the world.

    Also, for the record, foreigners *are* supposed to be protected under the constitution, as well. This is actually a very big deal, because this was one argument Bush and Co. tried to float to justify gitmo and torture, and got smacked down by the courts on that one because it's actually pretty unambiguous- the constitution generally says citizens or some equivalent when it means citizens, and speech, writ of habeus corpus, protection from cruel and unusual punishment, etc. etc. etc. are kinda clear on who they apply to: anyone in US jurisdiction.

  • GortRay

    It's time for me to reread A Man Without A Country by Kurt Vonnegut. His sincere belief that Murica is the dumbest country on the planet is somehow soothing.
    McConnell is just playing to the tens of millions of slobbering white trash CHUD moron redneck methhead snake-handling WalMart-shopping halfwit fucking idiots that vote Repubelickin' every time. And there isn't a damned thing we can do about it, so might as well just try to get some laughs out of the situation.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Dumb all over, and a little ugly on the side. FZ calls it yet again.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "there’s this thing in our legal system where you’re not supposed to just give white people the chair unless you’re absolutely sure they committed a crime."

    Fixed that for ya.

  • DailyGrumbles

    Exactly Turtle man. What's next?? KBR getting away with Gang Rape??

    • Sue4466

      Well, duh, maid was a brown.

  • metamarcisf

    Remember, McConnell is the senior senator of a state bent on creating jobs by building a life-size replica of Noah's Ark as a sort of in-bred hillbilly Disneyland.

    • mavenmaven

      He may personally remember hunting dinosaurs with Jesus.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Mitch McConnell feels that it is better that one hundred innocent people are executed than one guilty person escape.

  • mavenmaven

    I think we learned all we need to know about Americans and judging when Bristol almost won Dancing With the Stars.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Mitch McConnell: Terrified by the U.S. Constitution.

  • Guppy06

    "We are still trying very hard to ignore this Casey Anthony thing"

    I won't pay attention until she spontaneously breaks out into her own rendition of "All That Jazz."

    • guangho

      That's seriously only 15 years away.

  • whiskeybaby

    Q: What looks like a dick, acts like a dick but has none of the fine attributes of a dick?
    A: Mitch McConnell

  • not that Dewey

    McConnell is taking a page outta the Nixon playbook, only Nixon must have had slightly better kung-fu, and timing, than McConnell does.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Mitch McConnell AND Rand Paul. Does any state have a worse one-two Senatorial punch?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I was gonna lay claim for Texas, with Kay Bailey and Cornyn, but then I remembered Coburn and Inhofe just to the north of us and conceded.

    • BeWoot

      Arizona. McCain and Kyle? I'd even put them up against Oklahoma's Coburn/Inhofe bidumbverate.

    • GOPCrusher

      What's better is Mitch McConnell endorsed Rand Paul's opponent. Maybe when you can't effect the political process in your own state, you should take that as a hint to go ahead and STFU.

  • smitallica

    I think the only way to get justice for little Caylee is to send Nancy Grace to the chair.

  • alaninthecastro

    It really is impossible to get a conviction in a U.S. court, which is why our prisons are empty.

  • BeWoot

    By bad-mouthing mentally unstable jurors Mitch McConnell runs the risk of alienating ~88% of GOP voters. Bold? You betcha. Mentally unstable? Also too.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Obligatory Jon Stewart clip.

    "You know what we do better than any other country? We imprison people! … Let's stop pretending these Guantanamo guys are all super villains–they’re thugs and jackasses, not Magneto. If they had mutant powers, we'd know by now…So until we can come up with an actual Limbo–a Phantom Zone, so to speak–I'll take my chances with the system that's been able to contain the Brain Eater Guy."

  • Redhead

    But don't forget – if EVERYONE, across the US, leaves their porch light on for twelve hours overnight, it will honor this girl who died awhile ago and whose parents can't see the lights (cause they're 42 states away) and if enough people do it and we waste enough electricity, it will TOTALLY bring Caylee or Catie or Caydiddlydoo or whoever back from the dead and we'll all be safe from terrorists!

  • Radiotherapy®

    The turtle is making for a slow news day.

  • ArmoredBore

    Like everything else, justice is better with robots.

  • mumbly_joe

    Linking this to that ridiculous anti-porn pledge thing, has anyone ever noticed that Rights are only "Creator-endowed" up until the point someone wants to make sure the wrong people have them?

    At which point, they revert to being the sorts of "rights" that are granted by the US government, instead of innate and universal, and thus revocable for any or no reason by the same. Or, in a word, privileges, which is another word used in the Constitution, in order to distinguish the two concepts for clarity.

  • HedonismBot

    The Tea.O.P. and the Real Americans tell us we should love and revere the Founding Fathers and the U.S. Constitution. But the Founding Fathers created a thing called "trial by jury" that is in the Constitution, and the Tea.O.P. and the Real Americans tell us "trial by jury" is bad because it doesn't lead to a conviction, always and 100 percent of the time, when the Tea.O.P. and the Real Americans have decided the defendant deserves it..
    I is confoozed. Can anyone help me here?

  • zhubajie

    Two court systems, one with torture and presumption of guilty for most of us, the other with the traditional rights and presumption of innocence for the rich and well-connected few. Isn't that a victory for the terrorists?

  • zhubajie

    McConnell has no excuse for being so ignorant. Acc. to Wikipedia, he has poli-sci and law degrees, and was a judge in Jefferson County, Kentucky, which includes Louisville. He's chosen to reject the rule of law, probably because repeating extreme nonsense and bigotry seems to be the road to greater power these days.

  • ttommyunger

    If his hot asian wife would just give him some pussy more frequently than Birthdays and New Year's, he wouldn't be so jack-batty. A deal's a deal, though.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    How much do you have to hate America to repudiate trial by jury? The answer is measued in McConnell units — I scientific scale that runs from zero McConnells (love her the way Kortney loves her veggiesl) to one McConnell (utter contempt).

    It seems like trial without jury has come up before in American history. WAIT, it's in the list of Britain's offenses against us in the Declaration of Independence: "For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury" Like I said, 1.0 McConnells.

  • glamourdammerung

    Michele Bachmann signed a pledge about that very same thing. Well, in Mitch's case at least.

  • SorosBot

    We could go back to the justice of the Old West! Why, according to all the Western movies Mitch McConnell's seen, that works just great (PS McConnell hasn't been to the movies since 1965, and wouldn't believe you if you told him Unforgiven was a lot more realistic than anything John Wayne ever starred in).