HYPOTHETICALS  1:02 pm July 11, 2011

BREAKING Newsweek Cover Story: Sarah Palin Still Not Running

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

that's sexistWe applaud Newsweek on the headline “I Can Win” for their cover story about Sarah Palin, a person who is not actually in competition for anything and does not care to change out of her jogging outfit for a cover story photo shoot. If only there were something for Sarah Palin to compete at, to win? Palin said this “I can win” line to the reporter in Iowa, where there are certainly no competitions happening, so that’s too bad, but Sarah Palin would win if she were in Iowa, competing at something.  So, thanks Newsweek for that breaking update. Here is the rest of the interview in one sentence: Sarah Palin is upset the price of beef jerky has gotten so high, she does not want Piper to get her hair cut, and she cannot show up for one single thing on time or tell anybody where she is. Hooray, we knew all those things.

Here is another journalism win, for using the terms “quantitative easing” and “beef jerky” in the same breath:

Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing, the inflationary effects of which she illustrated with a personal anecdote. “I was ticked off at Todd yesterday,” she said. “He walks into a gas station as we’re driving over from Minnesota. He buys a Slim Jim—we’re always eating that jerky stuff—for $2.69. I said, ‘Todd, those used to be 99 cents, just recently!’ And he says, ‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’ A jug of milk and a loaf of bread and a dozen eggs—every time I walk into that grocery store, a couple of pennies more…”

Redneck-onomics! So now we also know that Sarah Palin, who is paid $1 million a year by Fox News, is also cheap when it comes to gas station snacks. [Newsweek]

 
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{ 326 comments }

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Like the guy in the Slim Jim ad said: "EAT ME!"

sati_demise July 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Garbage in=garbage out. that is all.

nounverb911 July 11, 2011 at 1:05 pm

She's just saving time. By not running, she won't have to quit.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Win!

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Wait till she sees what a gallon of gasoline costs these days.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

The fuel bill for the Bus Tour to Nowhere (Who Needs a Bridge?) must have been a shocker, unless it was sent straight to some Koch front for payment.

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 1:48 pm

By quitting payment on the credit card bill halfway through, she saves 50% on gas.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 11, 2011 at 1:05 pm

I Can Quit would have been a better (honest) headline.

BlueMonkeh July 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

dammit – beat me to it

WunkRocker July 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Cue the Lemon Song for the sourpuss queen.

LabRodent July 11, 2011 at 1:05 pm

NO YOU CANT!

DahBoner July 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm

OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!

BlueMonkeh July 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I Can Quit.

weejee July 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

She haz to jump in just so she can quit.

memzilla July 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"We had to quit the race in order to save it." Vietnam, meet Alaska. Alaska, meet Vietnam.

nounverb911 July 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm

"He buys a Slim Jim—we’re always eating that jerky stuff—for $2.69. I said, ‘Todd, those used to be 99 cents, just recently!’"
I remember when they were a nickel, (and haven't eaten one since).

SorosBot July 11, 2011 at 1:58 pm

It's indicative of Palin, though; she's following the wingnut talking points and whining about the nonexistent threat of hyperinflation when inflation is actually at 0%, so she just decides to lie and make up an anecdote about rising prices that have actually stayed the same for the past few years.

mumbly_joe July 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm

It's an especially weird and facile lie (also right up Lou Sarah's alley) when it's something where they frequently print the prices right on the packaging, so really, people would know if the prices went up.

Like, I spent $3.72 on a bag of chips, at that same gas station she's talking about. I remember when those same bags were just $0.99! It was like last week or something. Just to be clear, the gas station is located in Lou Sarah's imagination.

WunkRocker July 11, 2011 at 3:06 pm

heh, eat those slim jims. There are too damn many of ya.

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

The folks at the gas station probably saw the Palin bus a mile away and madly dashed to jack up all the prices on their stock before the bus pulled in.

Rotundo_ July 11, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Known in tourist spots as "The Asshole Surcharge".

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I Cunt Win.

DahBoner July 11, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Or more simply: "I Cunt."

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Or to paraphrase Isaac Asimov, "I, Cunt."

WunkRocker July 11, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I CVNTIVS (Aplogies to Robt Graves)

Ancient_Hacker July 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Notice she doesn't try to dissuade Todd from that high-sodium "snack"! Nothing like a two-fer– showing poor nutrition and poor financial sense at one whack.

berkeleyfarm July 12, 2011 at 12:50 am

Oh, she doesn't need to, the "story" was to show how folksy-n-stuff these multi-millionaires are. Sort of like Brisket's "I've worked hard all my life, unlike Megs McCabe". All just tryin' to create the image!

EatsBabyDingos July 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I like her jugs of milk. Not much else. I bet she like the Dicken's Cider, especially the Dicken's Cider Can.

Lascauxcaveman July 11, 2011 at 1:16 pm

"I Can Win."*

*a wet t-shirt contest of all Republican 'candidates' for POTUS 2012

genxr July 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Ron Paul would offer some stiff competition.

OC_Surf_Serf July 11, 2011 at 1:24 pm

There is a certain current NJ governor who certainly "fills out" a t-shirt…

chicken_thief July 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm

But he ain't running anywhere… ever…

riverside68 July 11, 2011 at 2:32 pm

He's got the cup size, but lacks any firmness what so ever,

I'm sticking with Lou Sarah in this contest.

PristineODummy July 11, 2011 at 4:49 pm

With giant Moobs O'Fat.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:32 pm

""I Can Win."*
*a wet t-shirt contest of all Republican 'candidates' for POTUS 2012"

Not so fast, missy. Depends on if we limit it to real boobs. If so, Newt could be a real contender. (Wait, are wet t-shirt winners based on size or attractiveness of the chestal area?)

MaxNeanderthal July 11, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Was just thinking, is that a quote from her, or is the left hand Zeppelin yelling it at the right hand Zeppelin?

Goonemeritus July 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Since when do Alaskans allow others to dry their meat products?

memzilla July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

"Dry my meat product" is a Wasilla High School pick-up line. It worked on Snowbilly Grifterette, Jr.

BloviateMe July 11, 2011 at 1:09 pm

‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’

If only we knew how that happened.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Yeah. Like it isn't fucking conservatard economic theory, aka Voodoo Economics, at work. Are Americans just stupid, or what?

What a stupid question. I live in Oklahoma, but since we have about 90 acres to protect us from being near the Rednecks, I forget how STOOPID my fellow okies are.

comrad_darkness July 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm

If only that were grammatical, also too.

The passportless dumbfucks who love this woman have no clue that the dollar lost half its value under Bush.

Sparky_McGruff July 11, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Damn, the dollar's sure worth nothin' at all if she's getting paid six figures to spout off her ignorant mouth.

MLHencken July 11, 2011 at 1:09 pm

By "I can win" I think she means probably either a grifting or hot dog eating contest.

MildMidwesterner July 11, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I shout "I win" whenever "I win" first during fornication. This annoying act ensures that my one night stand leaves immediately, thus allowing for a good night's sleep on my part.

Chillwaver July 11, 2011 at 1:09 pm

"I Can Win"

Now would be an appropriate time for Barry's infamous Special Olympics joke.

anniegetyerfun July 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Yay! I run the race! Yay!

ETA: LEAVE TRIG ALONE!

memzilla July 11, 2011 at 1:09 pm

"Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing,"

You know what I'd like to see a "quantitative easing" of? Media coverage of Sarah Palin, for starters.

MLHencken July 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm

You just won the…well, its morning somewhere. In any event, thou art upfisted.

Terry July 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Palin is well known for quantitatively easing the boundaries of truth, dignity, and decency.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:34 pm

And qualitively, also. She doesn't even lie well.

NorthStarSpanx July 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

He got that she's versed in "quantitative easing" from her beef jerky story? Fucking 'filter' of the Lamestream Media strikes in her favor – again.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 11:43 pm

As if either of the dolts in that article (writer/writee) have the faintest idea what quantitative easing is.

LabRodent July 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I hope the Lame Stream Media grow tired of her real soon.

mourningnmerica July 11, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Have you lost your Goddamn mind? She is like Beluga to them. They can't get enough of the insipid bitch.

I read the article, and the best part is that they did a photo shoot, and she shows her tits. Pushed together, with an American flag between them. She tried to lick them, but they weren't big enough. Pretty nice pics, though.

flamingpdog July 12, 2011 at 12:27 am

You almost got me to look.

LetUsBray July 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm

"I can stick my chest out at the camera".

Monsieur_Grumpe July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Full booby thrust indeed.

Callyson July 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Maybe Rupert Murdoch will shore up his sagging empire by making her a Page 3 model.

genxr July 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Or hacking her voice mail.

LetUsBray July 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

It's beginning to look like a list of people whose voice mail he and his henchmen haven't hacked might be shorter.

comrad_darkness July 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm

starnipplebursts!

chicken_thief July 11, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Isn't this her second gym cloths, chest out cover? She'll be naked on a bear rug before it's all over.

SenileAgitation July 11, 2011 at 2:14 pm

barbara feldon redux!

mog253 July 11, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Ah, Barbara Feldon on a tiger skin rug, how '60s.

SorosBot July 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm

She paid top dollar for those new tits, you betcha she's gonna show 'em off.

zhubajie July 11, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Just bare'm, Sarah, so we can see if there's really anything there besides a padded bra! Even if they really look like a pair of deflated balloons!

DashboardBuddha July 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm

OT: From the top of the picture – That Murdoch thing seems to getting some traction.

fuflans July 11, 2011 at 1:16 pm

and it's just DELICIOUS.

and appalling at the same time.

Limeylizzie July 11, 2011 at 1:26 pm

For once I am proud of my people, I hope this craters the whole Murdoch Empire, it's looking worse with every passing day.

SorosBot July 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I just hope that someone on this side of the pond is looking into if Murdoch's papers here have been up to the same thing.

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

If they aren't, I have lost what little respect for American journalism that I had left.

Limeylizzie July 11, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Well, last I heard , they tried to get an ex-NYC cop to get the numbers of 9/11 victims phones, so it seems to be creeping across the pond.

Limeylizzie July 11, 2011 at 2:21 pm
PristineODummy July 11, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Many upfists (or as many as allowed, anyway) for that link.

Limeylizzie July 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Lookie here!Rupert Murdoch's efforts to contain the scandal within the UK received a further set back on Monday after a Washington campaign group,Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics, called for an investigation into whether any journalists working for NI had hacked into the voice mail of Americans.In a letter to the Senate commerce committee and the House energy and commerce committee, Crew asked the Republican and Democratic members of Congress to overlook their politician differences and investigate reports, which appeared in the Daily Mirror, that 9/11 victims had their phones hacked by journalists.”Congress should immediately investigate whether and to what extent “News of the World” journalists hacked or attempted to hack the voicemails of American terrorist victims, politicians and celebrities as well as whether journalists working for any other News Corporation media outlet in the United States engaged in such tactics,” the letter from Crew's executive director, Melanie Sloan, said.

MaxNeanderthal July 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm

What's the difference between Rebekah Brooks and the Sun?
One's an ugly, lying, dirty little red-top, and the others a newspaper.

PristineODummy July 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

There's already multiple stories hitting the news about the involvement of the Murdoch tool who now runs the WSJ. I'll be glad to see the Murdoch version of that rag go. The pre-Murdoch version was bad enough, but at least they faked being nonpartisan fairly effectively. Sometimes. For the lobotomized.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I hope the UK citizens stay strong on this one, and Nick Clegg would keep up the demands on Newscorp and thereby proves the Liberals aren't completely lame. He should ask himself everyday, "'What would Gladstone do?"

(Disraeli, of course, would host a toney cocktail party to each Murdoch's worries and line the Tories pockets.)

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Could this whole situation end up toppling Cameron?

PristineODummy July 11, 2011 at 4:54 pm

From your lips to the ears of any benevolent deity or otherspace dweller.

Barb July 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Jesus, all their "marriage of convenience" needs now is a Slurpee machine to go along with the Slim Jims.

BloviateMe July 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm

I think Slurpee Machine is her daughter's nickname, no?

Barb July 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Yes, this is true. They ran out of cherry flavor and Levi got the blame.

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Slightly, but not much off topic, my boss informed us this morning via e-mail that today is "Free Slurpee Day" at 7-11. (Today's 7-11, get it? Unless you're Limeylizzie and then it's 11-7.)

zhubajie July 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Do they go to the truck-stops with the little sheds to "sleep" in?

weejee July 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm

If Palin wins will she convert Air Force One to a float plane so she can land on the lakes?

Though tis hard to win if you quit. Just sayin'

Rosie_Scenario July 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm

"Okay, Sarah, that's a great pose. Now just step back another foot toward the lake. Yeah, another foot, and maybe another. A little more . . ."

freakishlywrong July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

It's that radical pinko FLOTUS who is busy pricing Slim Jims beyond grifterbillie's grasp. Hey beyotch, grow a garden.

OhNoGuy July 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm

What time of year do you plant Slim Jims?

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Well, everything's more expensive at the gas station/convenience store, you stupid twat. That's what you're paying for, convenience. Get it? You shoulda got the full pallet at Sam's Club, they're a lot cheaper in bulk.

mog253 July 11, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Oh the humanity, a PALLET of that crap????

LouBristol July 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm

They did but it was a long drive back home.

Chillwaver July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’

Todd disagrees….Wasilla's methwhores will do anything for five bucks.

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I'd buy THAT for a dollar!

Goonemeritus July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Sarah loves the role of political prom queen that never puts out. I would be cool with that if she would extend her political abstinence to her need to update us on every inane thought that forms in her cranial orb.

Steverino247 July 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Actually, they form in her colon.

V572 der Plaatz July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Tina Brown's magic is much in evidence here. Newsweek is on its way to Total Media Domination. The secret (just between us) is always being in top of the Latest Trends! Plus your news was always a week old when it go to the reader even in the pre-Web days.

Urban_Achiever July 11, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Nothing pithy to add here, other than Newsweek's quality has dropped by a thousand percentage points since it became "NewsBeast"…….

Barb July 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I like the headline above her head "Murdoch's Watergate" Is she "deep throat?"

BlueMonkeh July 11, 2011 at 1:16 pm

yes

MissTaken July 11, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Nah…deep vagina.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Newsweak: If we put boobs on the cover, we can haz pageviews?

P.S. Shorter JNS @ TIME: Newsweak is even worse than we are!
~

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2011 at 1:37 pm

But whose boobs? Mine are old, like me, so that's a no-go. (And how many of you are going to start answering "Sara B"?

flamingpdog July 12, 2011 at 12:31 am

All of us, DB.

donner_froh July 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm

By November of 2012 Sarah Palin will have more appearances on the cover of Newsweek than Pamela Anderson does on Playboy.

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Yes, but I still contend that Bible Spice will do a Playboy pictorial. Somebody is going to completely take the spotlight away from her, and that will be her nuclear option.

donner_froh July 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Could be–Playboy has some amazing Photoshop artists they can call in for extreme cases.

ChessieNefercat July 12, 2011 at 9:03 am

Who will then go home and rip out their eyeballs and then pour vodka in the empty sockets.

qwerty42 July 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Is she just wandering around the upper mid-west delivering her word salad messages or is she ringin' bells and firin' guns and warnin' folks? It is hard to tell the difference.

Terry July 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Mostly cashing checks.

Steverino247 July 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Oh, she's "warnin' folks" alright. Warning them of what a disaster it would have been if McCain had defeated Obama.

SexySmurf July 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm

At least we now know Newsweek doesn't airbrush their covers.

SorosBot July 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Didn't they alter OJ Simpson's post-arrest photo to make him look blacker, though? (Or was that Time?)

OkieDokieDog July 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Shut up, ya dumb cow. Michele Bachmann is the new queen on the teabaggie label. Only because she has not quit and BONUS! she's even a dumber cow than you.

Rosie_Scenario July 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Oh, and thanks again, Old Man McCain.

hollywooddood July 11, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Thought process: Let's find a maverick with boobs to fool American women voters into thinking she's just like Hillary.

Rosie_Scenario July 11, 2011 at 4:18 pm

And . . . to entice GOP men into thinking she's their “girlfriend.”

PristineODummy July 11, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I wouldn't put "thought" in that sentence at all. Clearly, none was applied at the time.

krazyvladimir July 11, 2011 at 4:37 pm

A GrIFT that keeps on grifting……..

glamourdammerung July 11, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Not quite as bad as collaborating with the North Vietnamese, but definitely more annoying.

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

At first I thought the logo on her sweatshirt said "HUGE PENIS." But I was wrong.

jakegittes July 11, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Wonder how much she bilked "Edge Fitness" out of for her promise to wear the sweatshirt in the photo shoot. She is such a conniving, scheming sack of crap.

Papa_Uniform July 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Jeebus, how fucking hard up is Newsweek?

Crank_Tango July 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm

all the way, katie?

MLHencken July 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Why is it when looking at this cover I end up imagining her as the Griftertron-2000, gazing out over a scorched landscape in the dystopian future that would result were she to become president. That, and the shape of her skull/jawline just seems…unnatural.

I didn't even like typing that.

LetUsBray July 11, 2011 at 1:26 pm

If you think her head looks unnatural, have a gander at her claws.

fuflans July 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

we’re always eating that jerky stuff

yes sarah, i'm sure you are.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm

It doesn't make as many crumbs in the car as pork rinds and doesn't turn everyone's fingers orange. She's tidy, if nothing else. But what about the Mt Dew bottles? What do the Palins do with those?

tribbzthesquidz July 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Burn them in the trash hole in the front yard.

Rotundo_ July 11, 2011 at 6:20 pm

55 gallon drum with holes punched in the side so the fire can breathe, if they are good bubbas they have some sort of screen to keep the big burning chunks from escaping and landing on the neighbors (or their own) roof and trees. Great time to have a beer and burn stuff, if you want to make it more festive, throw in an aerosol can (Lysol rocks!) and get explosion and flames! Burning trash is the equivalent of a bubbas' golf outing if done right.

Terry July 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Jerky is as jerky does.

mog253 July 11, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Brain food, you betcha!

Callyson July 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

While Saint Sarah is whining about paying a couple of pennies more (from her seven – figure salary), people who are really poor are truly hurting:
But for the planet's poorest 2 billion people, who spend 50 to 70 percent of their income on food, these soaring prices may mean going from two meals a day to one. Those who are barely hanging on to the lower rungs of the global economic ladder risk losing their grip entirely. This can contribute — and it has — to revolutions and upheaval. http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/04/25/
Please, trolls, do explain how tax cuts for the wealthy are going to solve this problem…

freakishlywrong July 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm

"Feeding people is jawb killing".

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm

More to the point, there is nothing that tax cuts and tort reform can't fix. Ask our ignorant guv or, well, any Republitard.

Steverino247 July 11, 2011 at 2:57 pm

That's what should be on the front cover of Newsweek instead of that stupid person.

CapeClod July 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Desperate magazine puts the world's most annoying attention whore on its cover. How depressingly predictable.

ManchuCandidate July 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm

It is Newzweak.

Rotundo_ July 11, 2011 at 6:23 pm

What is their full up paying subscriber base these days? You know the dentists and doctors offices must get a sweetheart deal, so what, full cash subscriptions might be in the tens of thousands now? When it was almost free I subscribed to it for a few years, but it just got to the point where even for almost nothing it wasn't worth the space it occupied in my mailbox. Credit card offers were more anticipated…

Wilcoxyz July 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Did anyone tell her what Newsweek costs? A dollar. Not for an issue — for the whole damn company. That's a bargain. But if you don't read much, you're better off paying the extra $1.69 for the jerky.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I'm betting she has no clue what a magazine costs. Or a newspaper.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Or anything with the little wordy-lettery readey things, really.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I am glad that Palin has noted that gas stations snacks are over priced because of the Fed's policy of quantitative easing. I cannot wait for her substantive essay on gas station food prices to be published in The Economist.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:39 pm

With three pages of peer-reviewed citations, you betcha.

zhubajie July 11, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Prices expressed in terms of their Big Mac Index?

Chillwaver July 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

You know you else was big on "Winning" and recently disappeared form the face of the earth?

MLHencken July 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Jon Cryer?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Jimmy Hoffa?

BlueMonkeh July 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Betty Ford?

What, too soon?

(If you're old, like me, you remember the W.I.N. buttons from her dead husband's campaign – whip inflation now or some shit.)

Andrew Drinker July 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Is "Adolf Hitler" just way too easy for this one?

SexySmurf July 11, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Every Olympic gold medalist?

CapeClod July 11, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Randy "Macho Man" Savage?

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Carlos Santana?

SexySmurf July 11, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Bo Bice? Ruben Studdard? Taylor Hicks? Hell, just about anyone who's ever been on American Idol?

samsuncle July 11, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Jeebus?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2011 at 1:33 pm

That basketball player from Cleveland, who went to Miami … what's his name…

Sharkey July 11, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Space Shuttle Astronauts?

Chet Kincaid July 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Lance "DOPESTRONG" Armstrong?

horsedreamer_1 July 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Jim van de Hei?

PristineODummy July 11, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Jim vandeHei actually ever had any winning?

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Bob Barker?

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Chris Crocker?
Oh wait, you said WINNING, not WHINING.

mumbly_joe July 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Tiger Woods?

freakishlywrong July 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm

A Photoshopped, resurrected Lady Di had more relevance, Newsweek.

Maman July 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Blah, blah, blah… tell me when she actually does something.

ShaveTheWhales July 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

And we have the Newspeak author implicitly advancing the notion that QE has caused a big increase in inflation, despite the fact that, you know, it hasn't.

Andrew Drinker July 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Notice that their food choices are the EXACT POLAR OPPOSITE of what you'd find in a Michelle Obama Victory Garden, in Michigan or elsewhere!

PeaceWithHonor July 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

She has to run. You cannot quit something you haven't started.

OC_Surf_Serf July 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

So this won't be the Palin-free week of the Summer???

Barb July 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I'm surprised that she did an article for Newsweek. They are the ones who sold that extreme close up cover that showed dark course lip hairs, a couple of chin hairs, a pulsing pimple and crows feet on her face "She's One of Us' Fox news went ballistic and had to show the cover over and over again, bringing tons of attention to something that few would have noticed because Newsweek sucks and few buy it.

YasserArraFeck July 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm

For any other magazine, she would have shown some nipple

Barb July 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Yes, her nipple and a story on global warming, "It's Colder Than Sarah Palin's Tittie"

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 8:56 pm

For even more fun, they re-published the cheesecake photo from her "runner's world" spread, and she yelled "SEXIST!"

I wonder what Tina Brown promised her? I want to see if the cover is "corrected". I know that Sarah might have done her own "correcting" with the water bra she wears when she's feelin' frisky.

widestanceroman July 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm

PIty party of one.

I would send her a new pair of scissors to clip coupons, but I do not care to have her private security visit my home.

Mumbletypeg July 11, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I CAN WIN

Quitters<>winners, etc… too easy. One requires reality to deal with gracefully; and the other, humility. You have a grasp of neither, $arah, but it's not too late to go rogue! Take a page from the original Straight-Talkin' Gov't candidate as he quoted General Sherman: "I will not run if nominated, and if elected I will not serve."

Crank_Tango July 11, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Please please please put your grifting money where you whiney victim mouth is and go out there and get your ass handed to you by Hopey. Again. Please.

genxr July 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

She can be a strong negotiator at the G8 summit — provided the other nations can describe all underlying issues in terms of beef jerky.

chicken_thief July 11, 2011 at 2:04 pm

She won't attend unless they guarantee bendy straws for her. Also. Too.

DaSandman July 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Those are some high end store bought titties there.

Why did she wear a top?

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Waterbra, photoshop, or both.

TanzbodenKoenig July 11, 2011 at 1:26 pm

The only jerky Sarah ever eats is the figurative dick she's munching of Reagan's literal decaying corpse every time she steps up on stage.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:00 pm

"The only jerky Sarah ever eats is the figurative dick she's munching of Reagan's literal decaying corpse every time she steps up on stage."

I would believe that if I thought she knew anything at all about Reagan besides his name ("say Reagan, people clap, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan!").

As it is, I think the dick she would most like to munch is her own.

smashedinhat July 11, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing

I just hope that Sarah Palin gets paid more than LiLo to opine on matters economical like.
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2011/06/linds

Thurman Munster IV July 11, 2011 at 1:27 pm

You would think Todd would already know how much it costs to eat jerky. He's married to her.

DahBoner July 11, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Yeah, but Todd don't lick it where he stick it…

fuflans July 11, 2011 at 1:27 pm

huh. i don't remember her being that busty.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:03 pm

She's not. Google Palin Belmont. The girls come and go depending on which bra she drags out from under the bed on a given day, and whether there's some old white Republican guy around that might give her money.

I have been informed that the old goats on her C4P site think she is just like Loretta Young!

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Waterbra!

Come here a minute July 11, 2011 at 1:27 pm

If you ask Sarah Palin about liqidity traps, her answer will involve Joe the Plumber.

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Don't forget the waterbra!

Buckminster July 11, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Slim Jims count as health food in Wasilla.

DahBoner July 11, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Yeah, they got one of them there health food stores in Wasilla. It's called "Circle K"…"

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Slim Jims are one of the most challenging targets in small-game hunting. Have you ever tried to skin one? Well, Sarah can field dress one, you betcha!

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Beef jerky will be the new blood diamonds of this decade.

baconzgood July 11, 2011 at 1:28 pm

JERKY LIBEL!!!!!!

metamarcisf July 11, 2011 at 1:29 pm

That magazine cover makes her look fat. Why is Newsweek supporting the communists?

comrad_darkness July 11, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Those expensive Dijon ketchups…

hagajim July 11, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Fuck…bitch couldn't even pronounce quantitative easing much less define it.

Barb July 11, 2011 at 1:29 pm

That's not what the cover says "I Can Win"

It's a fold out cover and the whole thing reads, "I Can Wink My Way Through Anything, Because I Think American Men Vote With Their Penises"

genxr July 11, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Voting with my penis is a lot easier since they replaced the punch card lever machines with electronic voting. Now it's like – Whack! Beep! Done.

Barb July 11, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I could see some dude, showing up and saying, "I didn't get my chad blown"

Rotundo_ July 11, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Take a look at the demographics of who voted for Walnuts!/SnowbillyGrifterQueen and they pretty much show that. They were pretty popular with the male half of the population base. Griftette can do it again if the noise machine does its magic.

ManchuCandidate July 11, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Oh wow. It's amazing* that Sarah can not understand that when the price of oil goes up so must everything that's made from it and transported by it.

*not really.

It would probably blow Sarah's mind even more if someone told her that Slim Jims are not made from real meat.

metamarcisf July 11, 2011 at 1:30 pm

"We're always eating that jerky stuff" – I smell a campaign ad here.

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 2:20 pm

"Where's the beef jerky?"

metamarcisf July 11, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Where's the tuna, moron?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2011 at 2:53 pm

"Vote for the jerky stuff" would be more accurate.

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Messing with Sasquatch

genxr July 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm

"I know beef jerky. You, Slim Jim, are no beef jerky."

SilverFox July 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Damn it. I think I went almost a whole week without reading anything about America's favorite grifter.

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:32 pm

I'm a driver, I'm a winner
Things are gonna change, I can feel it

She'd really be gettin' crazy if Todd had bought the Cheez Whiz. Yo, cut it.

genxr July 11, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Drive by boob job.

DaSandman July 11, 2011 at 1:32 pm

What is quantitative easing?

Is that like an in public handy or something like that? Is it a Wasilla deal?

Is that how Brisket started before she discovered wine coolers?

genxr July 11, 2011 at 6:05 pm

It's when store owners raise the price of jerky for fear of a black preznit.

Fox n Fiends July 11, 2011 at 1:33 pm

America's Sweetheart is going to win Iowa in a landslide.

Redhead July 11, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Didn't she pose on the cover of Runner's World during the McCain veep days? Maybe that's what she's running for (they do have cameras, after all).

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I believe she dressed up for that one. She wore pantyhouse under her running shorts (ew!) and tossed the American flag sloppily over a chair as a suitable backdrop for her hootchie-cootchie-hot-mama posing (not a single shot of her actually, you know, running).

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I also remember that same picture was used again and the wingnuts went ape shit screaming "That's Sexist!"

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Shoot, Sarah herself bitched that it was sexist. Dim cow.

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 8:59 pm

In Newsweek, yet!

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I think it was after. She said she could beat Obama in that one, IIRC. Not sure she said at what ;).

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Newsweek is still in business? Why?

SaintRond July 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm

That cunt.

comrad_darkness July 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Check out the SI swimsuit edition pose on the dock in the article. Even Newsweek has clued into MILF as her sole qualification for attention.

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 9:00 pm

two words: Tina Brown

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2011 at 1:40 pm

If there hadn't been so many Wonkette articles about her before the election, $arah would have never ended up on Grandpa Walnutz' casting couch – HENNGH! – and gotten the backup role.

So we have no one but ourselves to blame. But I'm not commiting seppuku over it.

b[redact]opple July 11, 2011 at 1:58 pm

I still blame Jim Newell for the whole thing.

Rotundo_ July 11, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Bill Krystol gets that load o'blame, and dammit he just won't do the honorable thing and get the sword and sake out and have it over with. If only we were Japan…

5thstate July 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Of course she she was ticked off at Todd …..for paying the asking price for Jerky!

She could have gotten it for free, by just pretending she needed it for jury duty and America, so she could be undefeated in jogging suits, also. .

MinAgain July 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm

She's like a walking Saturday Night Live sketch…Appalachian Publicity Whore.

DerrickWildcat July 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

I thought Jug was the oldest Palin kid.

FlipOffResearch July 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Some people ask me why I hate Sarah Palin so much. I guess it's just a knee jerk reaction to a dumb, photogenic and ambitious politician. You know, after the mess GWB caused.

Weenus299 July 11, 2011 at 1:44 pm

She wins at quitting. No one ever better.

mumbly_joe July 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm

The fact that Lou Sarah considers Slim Jims, which are mostly mechanically separated chicken, to be in the class of "that jerky stuff" is honestly just another clear sign that her redneck credentials are fundamentally phony. Real jerky is actually pretty good, and readily available in real 'merica, if my one trip to The Mountains of Rural North Carolina Where Everyone Stares At Me For Being Brown is any indiciation.

Oh, and also, where the fuck is Lou Sarah, that slim Jims cost $2.69. I live in the middle of Highcostoflivingville, Manhattan, and I've never seen a fucking Slim Jim break $2.00. Even the extra-thick gluttony-sized ones.

YasserArraFeck July 11, 2011 at 1:50 pm

repeat posting

YasserArraFeck July 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Don't you remember that interview with Lou Sarah blathering on while, in the background, a turkey was being mechanically separated from its head? Bitch has been methodically separating the TeaTards from their cash ever since.

horsedreamer_1 July 11, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I had a strip of (possibly) artisanal jerky in my Bloody Mary at yesterday's brunch.

Good eating.

mumbly_joe July 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Sure. And there's a really great organic jerky place in Brooklyn, that promotes at the botanical garden's cherry blossom festival every year for some reason, and also sells its wares out of a bar the rest of the year.

But, I think that case is really just a consequence of the fact that hipsters started as/still are an appropriation/affectation of redneck culture.

horsedreamer_1 July 12, 2011 at 10:44 am

Git 'er Donne!

YasserArraFeck July 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm

So when I ponder the merits of our President, the C-in-C of our Armed Services and the Leader of the Free World, I don't want to waste my time with "Intellect", "Gravitas" and all that bumf – I want to be able to say "Good tits"

horsedreamer_1 July 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Helmut Kohl/Boris Yeltsin 2012!

DaSandman July 11, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Yeah yeah…perky. A victory of engineering over gravity.

President Perky. I like that

BaldarTFlagass July 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I CAN WIN.

That's just what Juan Antonio Flecha and Johnny Hoogerland were thinking yesterday afternoon, until the media had it's say.

YasserArraFeck July 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Even in the bloody Tour, cyclists get fucked by cars

DangerHelvetica July 11, 2011 at 1:47 pm

"Sarah Palin on why she's so confident"
So someone explained the Dunning-Kruger effect to her?

FlipOffResearch July 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I looked up the DK effect, very interesting. Kind of like: the more I know, the more I know that I don't know. Given this, I can see why Palin thinks she knows everything.

DangerHelvetica July 11, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Yeah, it certainly explains a lot about politics. I like to summarize it as "too stupid to know you're stupid".

V572 der Plaatz July 11, 2011 at 1:47 pm

All newsmagazine covers must be compared to this one. You wonder what it looked like before the Photoshop wizards went to work on "her."

YasserArraFeck July 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Talk about jerky – a long string of gristle in a dress

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Jeesus, that head doesn't look right. Looks like they actually (badly) photoshopped that head on there.
Oh, and nice wishbone she's got there on her chest. Dibs on making a wish with it.

chicken_thief July 11, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I saw Coulter on Bill Maher. (M)ann has kinda nice tits, too.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:12 pm

For what species?

DahBoner July 11, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Tranny Ann: LGBT for the Trans Am / Camero crowd….

gvvt July 11, 2011 at 1:53 pm

She could undoubtedly win anything she didn't compete for.

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing, .

Based on the comments on this post, I'd say Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative cock-teasing.

L188188 July 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm

This is the most attention Newsweek has gotten since… ever.

SheriffRoscoe July 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Real Americans hate overpaying for meat by-products. They have the Ronco Food Dehydrator.

KeepFnThatChicken July 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I call bullshit. That is not Sarah's body, and her face is shopped on.

DahBoner July 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

"I Can Win"

And I can fart with sufficient force to escape Earth's orbit and can actually fly to the moon!

But I just don't want to.

So there! NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH!!!!!!

jus_wonderin July 11, 2011 at 2:16 pm

OMG LOL

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:13 pm

That was at least as plausible and a lot more authentic-sounding than her yammerings on what she thinks she can do.

El Pinche July 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I see Newsweek didn't go the full mile with nipple shots and/or cleavage. Even her magazine covers are half-ass.

berkeleyfarm July 11, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Maybe in a couple of months!

El Pinche July 12, 2011 at 1:03 am

It is early in the election season.

4tehlulz_lite July 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm

"I Can Win'

Prove it.

jus_wonderin July 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Slim Jim? Is that Todd's name for it???

BarackMyWorld July 11, 2011 at 2:08 pm

1. Put Palin on cover.

2. ???

3. Profit!!!

DahBoner July 11, 2011 at 2:09 pm

"And he says, ‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore."

So, just try to pay for it in GOLD and STFU dumbass…

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Ameros!

SorosBot July 11, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Dear Newsweek, I am a private citizen who is not running for President but am technically qualified to do so and might run maybe; I have political opinions but have no influence in politics. Now where's my cover story?

sportshort July 11, 2011 at 2:13 pm

She and Todd buy their own beef jerky? That settles it. Palin in 2012!

proudgrampa July 11, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Man, you gotta admit – that's a nice pair of casabas.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:15 pm

If you write and tell her that, maybe she'll tell you where you can buy a pair just like them. Well, I mean if you offer to pay her.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 12:46 am

You need to get out more, Grampa!

littlebigdaddy July 11, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Newswhat?

jus_wonderin July 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Does Lou have a hairy chest???

zappadoo76 July 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Better caption for Sarah pic: "Hi! I'm Sarah Palin, and these are my breasts!"

YasserArraFeck July 11, 2011 at 2:22 pm

"….and they're better qualified to run the country than I am….."

flamingpdog July 11, 2011 at 2:26 pm

and they're quantitatively easy.

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm

"Vote for me, and I'll show you my tits!"

crybabyboehner July 11, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Puts me in mind of a turkey neck sammich.

Chet Kincaid July 11, 2011 at 2:33 pm

These Tits Don't Run.

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 2:35 pm

She "warns" Boehner not to raise the debt ceiling?
What's she going to do when it happens? Throw a fit?
Look sister, there's a whole lot of Social Security and Medicare recipients out there, that would be more than willing to rend you limb from limb, if that check doesn't show up on Aug. 3rd.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm

At last, a good reason not to raise the debt ceiling. The cost (global economic catastrophe?) would almost be worth it.

q_tion_evrythng July 11, 2011 at 4:01 pm

No line-jumping, please, fellow Wonketeers. :-) I claim dibs as the first in line in my state to render Palin on Aug 3 and I'll trip your asses if you cut in front of me. :-(

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I would be pleased and proud to do nothing but hold your jacket for you and watch you rend away at the silly cow.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 12:47 am

They're more likely to blame random Jews/Muslims.

mumbly_joe July 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Guys, don't worry:

Quitters never win.
Grifter always quits.

greenpatches July 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm

SLIM JIMS! GAS STATIONS! HOW FOLKSY!

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Real Americana!

HelmutNewton July 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm

She meant "win" in the Charlie Sheen sense of the word.

horsedreamer_1 July 12, 2011 at 10:47 am

Now that one &/or both goddesses have left him, Charlie has an opening. Bring on Sarah &/or Bristol to your harem, Wild Thing!

not that Dewey July 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Wait until she finds out that my $145k house originally sold for $8k, in 1967. ZOFMG THERE MUST BE A BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE PUT ME ON YER MAGAZINE COVER

Guppy06 July 11, 2011 at 2:46 pm

‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’

Maybe we should stop printing paper dollars and move to coins.

Oh, wait, that's a cardinal sin…

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 2:46 pm

All the speculation that has been put before us over all these years, and finally we get this, that explains everything about that fucking imbecilic scraggly yowling hag:

"He buys a Slim Jim—we’re always eating that jerky stuff—for $2.69."

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 2:53 pm

And what's up with that stupid photo shoot? It's a cross between the output of a slightly pervy untalented twenty-something that has convinced some sweet young thing she can be a model, and the unimportant shots surrounding a Playboy centerfold: "I like long walks through mountain meadows filled with flowers, sunsets over the lake, and jogging while wearing a tight, thin hoodie over my voluptuously bouncing breasts."**

**I found the black water bra I wore under the thin white t-shirt at that Belmont horsey thing last summer. Also too I have nothing else to offer. Boobies! Look at me!

prommie July 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm

She has the largest smirk of any human being ever to have lived. That is truly the mother of all smirks.

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm

And it's a smug smirk.

Oh for the good old days of Dubya's heh-heh smirk.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 12:49 am

There's something weird about her whole expression. Too much surgery? The Be'elzebub face starting to come out?

mavenmaven July 11, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Can't wait for the day when this comment of hers will be taken for granted, because no one will give a rat's "jerky":

“Our hotel was right down the block from The Des Moines Register,” Palin later told me, plainly pleased. “Nobody knew we were there.”

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Yes, but does Lou $arah "Love" her vegetables like our zucchini munching friend Kortney?

genxr July 11, 2011 at 3:39 pm

"I can win"

2008 called, and would like to have a word with you.

q_tion_evrythng July 11, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Since running for President is probably out & w/Cindy Anthony and/or Casey Anthony most likely having a lock on "Worst Mother of the Year," what WILL Sarah do next?
Because they are both GREAT moms and are both great big IDS ( of "id, ego, superego" OR idiots), maybe Sarah Palin and Casey Anthony could start a child care center.

GOPCrusher July 11, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Well, Michele Bachmann has stated that she won't get into a mud wrestling contest with Bible Spice. Maybe this Casey Anthony chick will?

flamingpdog July 12, 2011 at 12:48 am

Guess I better run downtown and grab the trademark for the JW Gacy KiddieGarden before Sarah and Casey do.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 12:50 am

Fist-fight with Michele Bachmann!

smitallica July 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm

First photoshopped Dead Diana, now this.
You stay classy, Newsweek.

Angry_Marmot July 11, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Newsweek was saved from extinction why, exactly?

BTWBFDIMHO July 11, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Newsweek of the World.

krazyvladimir July 11, 2011 at 4:34 pm

You know what still costs only 99 cents ??? a bottle of rubbing alcohol, known in Alaska as "Wine cooler"

BTWBFDIMHO July 11, 2011 at 4:46 pm

By Quantitative Easing she meant to go on the cover page without a bra.

Gomez571 July 11, 2011 at 5:07 pm

“I was ticked off at Todd yesterday,” For what? The price of jerky? Has she ever blamed a problem on the correct cause?

JackObin July 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I seriously doubt she can even spell win. Nice tits, however.

franco_pinyon July 11, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Her head may be empty but that hoodie is plenty full, brutha! Whooey! She got the Costco/Sam's Club size.

Looks like Newsweek might be angling to capture the News of the World audience.

jakegittes July 11, 2011 at 6:36 pm

How much of Larry Flynt's money do ya think "Tits for Brains" would settle for to show some big time snatch, et al., in Hustler Magazine? Let's face it. Everybody's gotta price. And nobody in the world proves that principle more than Palin.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 12:52 am

Larry's a lefty, though. Also, he's seen a LOT of tits, and would probably prefer one of the younger Palins'. Willow, are you ready?

rocktonsam July 11, 2011 at 6:39 pm

T
I
T
S
!

iburl July 11, 2011 at 8:59 pm

"I CAN WIN" a useless idiot contest.

Warpde July 11, 2011 at 10:19 pm

I had the run(s) once.
Ok, Ok, more then once.
Still, what a shitty time.

Only winner was Charmain Super Soft.

Negropolis July 12, 2011 at 5:35 am

The Little Idiot That Couldn't.

lochnessmonster July 12, 2011 at 7:02 am

"We're always eating that jerky stuff" explains a lot.

ttommyunger July 12, 2011 at 10:54 am

"Newsweek" comes in, vomit goes out, never a miscommunication.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 11, 2011 at 3:02 pm

You can see their lobbyists outside GOP senatorial offices, fighting with Archer-Daniels-Midland lobbyists to be first in the door with their sacks of money.

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Peckers and Lips! Yum, Yum!

ChessieNefercat July 11, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I wish you were being snarky, but that really is that brainless twat's attitude. You're not the boss of me!

Oblios_Cap July 11, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Thank God no one talks about cutting farm subsidies!

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