We applaud Newsweek on the headline “I Can Win” for their cover story about Sarah Palin, a person who is not actually in competition for anything and does not care to change out of her jogging outfit for a cover story photo shoot. If only there were something for Sarah Palin to compete at, to win? Palin said this “I can win” line to the reporter in Iowa, where there are certainly no competitions happening, so that’s too bad, but Sarah Palin would win if she were in Iowa, competing at something. So, thanks Newsweek for that breaking update. Here is the rest of the interview in one sentence: Sarah Palin is upset the price of beef jerky has gotten so high, she does not want Piper to get her hair cut, and she cannot show up for one single thing on time or tell anybody where she is. Hooray, we knew all those things.
Here is another journalism win, for using the terms “quantitative easing” and “beef jerky” in the same breath:
Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing, the inflationary effects of which she illustrated with a personal anecdote. “I was ticked off at Todd yesterday,” she said. “He walks into a gas station as we’re driving over from Minnesota. He buys a Slim Jim—we’re always eating that jerky stuff—for $2.69. I said, ‘Todd, those used to be 99 cents, just recently!’ And he says, ‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’ A jug of milk and a loaf of bread and a dozen eggs—every time I walk into that grocery store, a couple of pennies more…”
Redneck-onomics! So now we also know that Sarah Palin, who is paid $1 million a year by Fox News, is also cheap when it comes to gas station snacks. [Newsweek]
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Like the guy in the Slim Jim ad said: "EAT ME!"
Garbage in=garbage out. that is all.
She's just saving time. By not running, she won't have to quit.
Win!
Wait till she sees what a gallon of gasoline costs these days.
The fuel bill for the Bus Tour to Nowhere (Who Needs a Bridge?) must have been a shocker, unless it was sent straight to some Koch front for payment.
By quitting payment on the credit card bill halfway through, she saves 50% on gas.
I Can Quit would have been a better (honest) headline.
dammit – beat me to it
Cue the Lemon Song for the sourpuss queen.
NO YOU CANT!
OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!
I Can Quit.
She haz to jump in just so she can quit.
"We had to quit the race in order to save it." Vietnam, meet Alaska. Alaska, meet Vietnam.
"He buys a Slim Jim—we’re always eating that jerky stuff—for $2.69. I said, ‘Todd, those used to be 99 cents, just recently!’"
I remember when they were a nickel, (and haven't eaten one since).
It's indicative of Palin, though; she's following the wingnut talking points and whining about the nonexistent threat of hyperinflation when inflation is actually at 0%, so she just decides to lie and make up an anecdote about rising prices that have actually stayed the same for the past few years.
It's an especially weird and facile lie (also right up Lou Sarah's alley) when it's something where they frequently print the prices right on the packaging, so really, people would know if the prices went up.
Like, I spent $3.72 on a bag of chips, at that same gas station she's talking about. I remember when those same bags were just $0.99! It was like last week or something. Just to be clear, the gas station is located in Lou Sarah's imagination.
heh, eat those slim jims. There are too damn many of ya.
The folks at the gas station probably saw the Palin bus a mile away and madly dashed to jack up all the prices on their stock before the bus pulled in.
Known in tourist spots as "The Asshole Surcharge".
I Cunt Win.
Or more simply: "I Cunt."
Or to paraphrase Isaac Asimov, "I, Cunt."
I CVNTIVS (Aplogies to Robt Graves)
Notice she doesn't try to dissuade Todd from that high-sodium "snack"! Nothing like a two-fer– showing poor nutrition and poor financial sense at one whack.
She's not going to let Michelle Obama tell her family what to eat!
I wish you were being snarky, but that really is that brainless twat's attitude. You're not the boss of me!
Oh, she doesn't need to, the "story" was to show how folksy-n-stuff these multi-millionaires are. Sort of like Brisket's "I've worked hard all my life, unlike Megs McCabe". All just tryin' to create the image!
I like her jugs of milk. Not much else. I bet she like the Dicken's Cider, especially the Dicken's Cider Can.
"I Can Win."*
*a wet t-shirt contest of all Republican 'candidates' for POTUS 2012
Ron Paul would offer some stiff competition.
There is a certain current NJ governor who certainly "fills out" a t-shirt…
But he ain't running anywhere… ever…
He's got the cup size, but lacks any firmness what so ever,
I'm sticking with Lou Sarah in this contest.
With giant Moobs O'Fat.
""I Can Win."*
*a wet t-shirt contest of all Republican 'candidates' for POTUS 2012"
Not so fast, missy. Depends on if we limit it to real boobs. If so, Newt could be a real contender. (Wait, are wet t-shirt winners based on size or attractiveness of the chestal area?)
Was just thinking, is that a quote from her, or is the left hand Zeppelin yelling it at the right hand Zeppelin?
Since when do Alaskans allow others to dry their meat products?
"Dry my meat product" is a Wasilla High School pick-up line. It worked on Snowbilly Grifterette, Jr.
‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’
If only we knew how that happened.
Yeah. Like it isn't fucking conservatard economic theory, aka Voodoo Economics, at work. Are Americans just stupid, or what?
What a stupid question. I live in Oklahoma, but since we have about 90 acres to protect us from being near the Rednecks, I forget how STOOPID my fellow okies are.
If only that were grammatical, also too.
The passportless dumbfucks who love this woman have no clue that the dollar lost half its value under Bush.
Damn, the dollar's sure worth nothin' at all if she's getting paid six figures to spout off her ignorant mouth.
By "I can win" I think she means probably either a grifting or hot dog eating contest.
I shout "I win" whenever "I win" first during fornication. This annoying act ensures that my one night stand leaves immediately, thus allowing for a good night's sleep on my part.
"I Can Win"
Now would be an appropriate time for Barry's infamous Special Olympics joke.
Yay! I run the race! Yay!
ETA: LEAVE TRIG ALONE!
"Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing,"
You know what I'd like to see a "quantitative easing" of? Media coverage of Sarah Palin, for starters.
You just won the…well, its morning somewhere. In any event, thou art upfisted.
Palin is well known for quantitatively easing the boundaries of truth, dignity, and decency.
And qualitively, also. She doesn't even lie well.
He got that she's versed in "quantitative easing" from her beef jerky story? Fucking 'filter' of the Lamestream Media strikes in her favor – again.
As if either of the dolts in that article (writer/writee) have the faintest idea what quantitative easing is.
I hope the Lame Stream Media grow tired of her real soon.
Have you lost your Goddamn mind? She is like Beluga to them. They can't get enough of the insipid bitch.
I read the article, and the best part is that they did a photo shoot, and she shows her tits. Pushed together, with an American flag between them. She tried to lick them, but they weren't big enough. Pretty nice pics, though.
You almost got me to look.
"I can stick my chest out at the camera".
Full booby thrust indeed.
Maybe Rupert Murdoch will shore up his sagging empire by making her a Page 3 model.
Or hacking her voice mail.
It's beginning to look like a list of people whose voice mail he and his henchmen haven't hacked might be shorter.
starnipplebursts!Isn't this her second gym cloths, chest out cover? She'll be naked on a bear rug before it's all over.
barbara feldon redux!
Ah, Barbara Feldon on a tiger skin rug, how '60s.
She paid top dollar for those new tits, you betcha she's gonna show 'em off.
Just bare'm, Sarah, so we can see if there's really anything there besides a padded bra! Even if they really look like a pair of deflated balloons!
OT: From the top of the picture – That Murdoch thing seems to getting some traction.
and it's just DELICIOUS.
and appalling at the same time.
For once I am proud of my people, I hope this craters the whole Murdoch Empire, it's looking worse with every passing day.
I just hope that someone on this side of the pond is looking into if Murdoch's papers here have been up to the same thing.
If they aren't, I have lost what little respect for American journalism that I had left.
Well, last I heard , they tried to get an ex-NYC cop to get the numbers of 9/11 victims phones, so it seems to be creeping across the pond.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/11/business/media/...
Many upfists (or as many as allowed, anyway) for that link.
Lookie here!Rupert Murdoch's efforts to contain the scandal within the UK received a further set back on Monday after a Washington campaign group,Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics, called for an investigation into whether any journalists working for NI had hacked into the voice mail of Americans.In a letter to the Senate commerce committee and the House energy and commerce committee, Crew asked the Republican and Democratic members of Congress to overlook their politician differences and investigate reports, which appeared in the Daily Mirror, that 9/11 victims had their phones hacked by journalists.”Congress should immediately investigate whether and to what extent “News of the World” journalists hacked or attempted to hack the voicemails of American terrorist victims, politicians and celebrities as well as whether journalists working for any other News Corporation media outlet in the United States engaged in such tactics,” the letter from Crew's executive director, Melanie Sloan, said.
What's the difference between Rebekah Brooks and the Sun?
One's an ugly, lying, dirty little red-top, and the others a newspaper.
There's already multiple stories hitting the news about the involvement of the Murdoch tool who now runs the WSJ. I'll be glad to see the Murdoch version of that rag go. The pre-Murdoch version was bad enough, but at least they faked being nonpartisan fairly effectively. Sometimes. For the lobotomized.
I hope the UK citizens stay strong on this one, and Nick Clegg would keep up the demands on Newscorp and thereby proves the Liberals aren't completely lame. He should ask himself everyday, "'What would Gladstone do?"
(Disraeli, of course, would host a toney cocktail party to each Murdoch's worries and line the Tories pockets.)
Could this whole situation end up toppling Cameron?
From your lips to the ears of any benevolent deity or otherspace dweller.
Jesus, all their "marriage of convenience" needs now is a Slurpee machine to go along with the Slim Jims.
I think Slurpee Machine is her daughter's nickname, no?
Yes, this is true. They ran out of cherry flavor and Levi got the blame.
Slightly, but not much off topic, my boss informed us this morning via e-mail that today is "Free Slurpee Day" at 7-11. (Today's 7-11, get it? Unless you're Limeylizzie and then it's 11-7.)
Do they go to the truck-stops with the little sheds to "sleep" in?
If Palin wins will she convert Air Force One to a float plane so she can land on the lakes?
Though tis hard to win if you quit. Just sayin'
"Okay, Sarah, that's a great pose. Now just step back another foot toward the lake. Yeah, another foot, and maybe another. A little more . . ."
It's that radical pinko FLOTUS who is busy pricing Slim Jims beyond grifterbillie's grasp. Hey beyotch, grow a garden.
What time of year do you plant Slim Jims?
Well, everything's more expensive at the gas station/convenience store, you stupid twat. That's what you're paying for, convenience. Get it? You shoulda got the full pallet at Sam's Club, they're a lot cheaper in bulk.
Oh the humanity, a PALLET of that crap????
They did but it was a long drive back home.
‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’
Todd disagrees….Wasilla's methwhores will do anything for five bucks.
I'd buy THAT for a dollar!
Sarah loves the role of political prom queen that never puts out. I would be cool with that if she would extend her political abstinence to her need to update us on every inane thought that forms in her cranial orb.
Actually, they form in her colon.
Tina Brown's magic is much in evidence here. Newsweek is on its way to Total Media Domination. The secret (just between us) is always being in top of the Latest Trends! Plus your news was always a week old when it go to the reader even in the pre-Web days.
Nothing pithy to add here, other than Newsweek's quality has dropped by a thousand percentage points since it became "NewsBeast"…….
I like the headline above her head "Murdoch's Watergate" Is she "deep throat?"
yes
Nah…deep vagina.
Newsweak: If we put boobs on the cover, we can haz pageviews?
P.S. Shorter JNS @ TIME: Newsweak is even worse than we are!
~
But whose boobs? Mine are old, like me, so that's a no-go. (And how many of you are going to start answering "Sara B"?
All of us, DB.
By November of 2012 Sarah Palin will have more appearances on the cover of Newsweek than Pamela Anderson does on Playboy.
Yes, but I still contend that Bible Spice will do a Playboy pictorial. Somebody is going to completely take the spotlight away from her, and that will be her nuclear option.
Could be–Playboy has some amazing Photoshop artists they can call in for extreme cases.
Who will then go home and rip out their eyeballs and then pour vodka in the empty sockets.
Is she just wandering around the upper mid-west delivering her word salad messages or is she ringin' bells and firin' guns and warnin' folks? It is hard to tell the difference.
Mostly cashing checks.
Oh, she's "warnin' folks" alright. Warning them of what a disaster it would have been if McCain had defeated Obama.
At least we now know Newsweek doesn't airbrush their covers.
Didn't they alter OJ Simpson's post-arrest photo to make him look blacker, though? (Or was that Time?)
Shut up, ya dumb cow. Michele Bachmann is the new queen on the teabaggie label. Only because she has not quit and BONUS! she's even a dumber cow than you.
Oh, and thanks again, Old Man McCain.
Thought process: Let's find a maverick with boobs to fool American women voters into thinking she's just like Hillary.
And . . . to entice GOP men into thinking she's their “girlfriend.”
I wouldn't put "thought" in that sentence at all. Clearly, none was applied at the time.
A GrIFT that keeps on grifting……..
Not quite as bad as collaborating with the North Vietnamese, but definitely more annoying.
At first I thought the logo on her sweatshirt said "HUGE PENIS." But I was wrong.
Wonder how much she bilked "Edge Fitness" out of for her promise to wear the sweatshirt in the photo shoot. She is such a conniving, scheming sack of crap.
Jeebus, how fucking hard up is Newsweek?
all the way, katie?
Why is it when looking at this cover I end up imagining her as the Griftertron-2000, gazing out over a scorched landscape in the dystopian future that would result were she to become president. That, and the shape of her skull/jawline just seems…unnatural.
I didn't even like typing that.
If you think her head looks unnatural, have a gander at her claws.
we’re always eating that jerky stuff
yes sarah, i'm sure you are.
It doesn't make as many crumbs in the car as pork rinds and doesn't turn everyone's fingers orange. She's tidy, if nothing else. But what about the Mt Dew bottles? What do the Palins do with those?
Burn them in the trash hole in the front yard.
55 gallon drum with holes punched in the side so the fire can breathe, if they are good bubbas they have some sort of screen to keep the big burning chunks from escaping and landing on the neighbors (or their own) roof and trees. Great time to have a beer and burn stuff, if you want to make it more festive, throw in an aerosol can (Lysol rocks!) and get explosion and flames! Burning trash is the equivalent of a bubbas' golf outing if done right.
Jerky is as jerky does.
Brain food, you betcha!
While Saint Sarah is whining about paying a couple of pennies more (from her seven – figure salary), people who are really poor are truly hurting:
But for the planet's poorest 2 billion people, who spend 50 to 70 percent of their income on food, these soaring prices may mean going from two meals a day to one. Those who are barely hanging on to the lower rungs of the global economic ladder risk losing their grip entirely. This can contribute — and it has — to revolutions and upheaval. http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/04/25/...
Please, trolls, do explain how tax cuts for the wealthy are going to solve this problem…
"Feeding people is jawb killing".
More to the point, there is nothing that tax cuts and tort reform can't fix. Ask our ignorant guv or, well, any Republitard.
That's what should be on the front cover of Newsweek instead of that stupid person.
Desperate magazine puts the world's most annoying attention whore on its cover. How depressingly predictable.
It is Newzweak.
What is their full up paying subscriber base these days? You know the dentists and doctors offices must get a sweetheart deal, so what, full cash subscriptions might be in the tens of thousands now? When it was almost free I subscribed to it for a few years, but it just got to the point where even for almost nothing it wasn't worth the space it occupied in my mailbox. Credit card offers were more anticipated…
Did anyone tell her what Newsweek costs? A dollar. Not for an issue — for the whole damn company. That's a bargain. But if you don't read much, you're better off paying the extra $1.69 for the jerky.
I'm betting she has no clue what a magazine costs. Or a newspaper.
Or anything with the little wordy-lettery readey things, really.
I am glad that Palin has noted that gas stations snacks are over priced because of the Fed's policy of quantitative easing. I cannot wait for her substantive essay on gas station food prices to be published in The Economist.
With three pages of peer-reviewed citations, you betcha.
Prices expressed in terms of their Big Mac Index?
You know you else was big on "Winning" and recently disappeared form the face of the earth?
Jon Cryer?
Jimmy Hoffa?
Betty Ford?
What, too soon?
(If you're old, like me, you remember the W.I.N. buttons from her dead husband's campaign – whip inflation now or some shit.)
Is "Adolf Hitler" just way too easy for this one?
Every Olympic gold medalist?
Randy "Macho Man" Savage?
Carlos Santana?
Bo Bice? Ruben Studdard? Taylor Hicks? Hell, just about anyone who's ever been on American Idol?
Jeebus?
That basketball player from Cleveland, who went to Miami … what's his name…
Space Shuttle Astronauts?
Lance "DOPESTRONG" Armstrong?
Jim van de Hei?
Jim vandeHei actually ever had any winning?
Bob Barker?
Chris Crocker?
Oh wait, you said WINNING, not WHINING.
Tiger Woods?
A Photoshopped, resurrected Lady Di had more relevance, Newsweek.
Blah, blah, blah… tell me when she actually does something.
And we have the Newspeak author implicitly advancing the notion that QE has caused a big increase in inflation, despite the fact that, you know, it hasn't.
Notice that their food choices are the EXACT POLAR OPPOSITE of what you'd find in a Michelle Obama Victory Garden, in Michigan or elsewhere!
She has to run. You cannot quit something you haven't started.
So this won't be the Palin-free week of the Summer???
I'm surprised that she did an article for Newsweek. They are the ones who sold that extreme close up cover that showed dark course lip hairs, a couple of chin hairs, a pulsing pimple and crows feet on her face "She's One of Us' Fox news went ballistic and had to show the cover over and over again, bringing tons of attention to something that few would have noticed because Newsweek sucks and few buy it.
For any other magazine, she would have shown some nipple
Yes, her nipple and a story on global warming, "It's Colder Than Sarah Palin's Tittie"
For even more fun, they re-published the cheesecake photo from her "runner's world" spread, and she yelled "SEXIST!"
I wonder what Tina Brown promised her? I want to see if the cover is "corrected". I know that Sarah might have done her own "correcting" with the water bra she wears when she's feelin' frisky.
PIty party of one.
I would send her a new pair of scissors to clip coupons, but I do not care to have her private security visit my home.
Quitters<>winners, etc… too easy. One requires reality to deal with gracefully; and the other, humility. You have a grasp of neither, $arah, but it's not too late to go rogue! Take a page from the original Straight-Talkin' Gov't candidate as he quoted General Sherman: "I will not run if nominated, and if elected I will not serve."
Please please please put your grifting money where you whiney victim mouth is and go out there and get your ass handed to you by Hopey. Again. Please.
She can be a strong negotiator at the G8 summit — provided the other nations can describe all underlying issues in terms of beef jerky.
She won't attend unless they guarantee bendy straws for her. Also. Too.
Those are some high end store bought titties there.
Why did she wear a top?
Waterbra, photoshop, or both.
The only jerky Sarah ever eats is the figurative dick she's munching of Reagan's literal decaying corpse every time she steps up on stage.
"The only jerky Sarah ever eats is the figurative dick she's munching of Reagan's literal decaying corpse every time she steps up on stage."
I would believe that if I thought she knew anything at all about Reagan besides his name ("say Reagan, people clap, Reagan, Reagan, Reagan!").
As it is, I think the dick she would most like to munch is her own.
Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing
I just hope that Sarah Palin gets paid more than LiLo to opine on matters economical like.
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2011/06/linds...
You would think Todd would already know how much it costs to eat jerky. He's married to her.
Yeah, but Todd don't lick it where he stick it…
huh. i don't remember her being that busty.
She's not. Google Palin Belmont. The girls come and go depending on which bra she drags out from under the bed on a given day, and whether there's some old white Republican guy around that might give her money.
I have been informed that the old goats on her C4P site think she is just like Loretta Young!
Waterbra!
If you ask Sarah Palin about liqidity traps, her answer will involve Joe the Plumber.
Don't forget the waterbra!
Slim Jims count as health food in Wasilla.
Yeah, they got one of them there health food stores in Wasilla. It's called "Circle K"…"
Slim Jims are one of the most challenging targets in small-game hunting. Have you ever tried to skin one? Well, Sarah can field dress one, you betcha!
Beef jerky will be the new blood diamonds of this decade.
JERKY LIBEL!!!!!!
That magazine cover makes her look fat. Why is Newsweek supporting the communists?
Those expensive Dijon ketchups…
Fuck…bitch couldn't even pronounce quantitative easing much less define it.
That's not what the cover says "I Can Win"
It's a fold out cover and the whole thing reads, "I Can Wink My Way Through Anything, Because I Think American Men Vote With Their Penises"
Voting with my penis is a lot easier since they replaced the punch card lever machines with electronic voting. Now it's like – Whack! Beep! Done.
I could see some dude, showing up and saying, "I didn't get my chad blown"
Take a look at the demographics of who voted for Walnuts!/SnowbillyGrifterQueen and they pretty much show that. They were pretty popular with the male half of the population base. Griftette can do it again if the noise machine does its magic.
Oh wow. It's amazing* that Sarah can not understand that when the price of oil goes up so must everything that's made from it and transported by it.
*not really.
It would probably blow Sarah's mind even more if someone told her that Slim Jims are not made from real meat.
"We're always eating that jerky stuff" – I smell a campaign ad here.
"Where's the beef jerky?"
Where's the tuna, moron?
"Vote for the jerky stuff" would be more accurate.
Messing with Sasquatch
"I know beef jerky. You, Slim Jim, are no beef jerky."
Damn it. I think I went almost a whole week without reading anything about America's favorite grifter.
I'm a driver, I'm a winner
Things are gonna change, I can feel it
She'd really be gettin' crazy if Todd had bought the Cheez Whiz. Yo, cut it.
Drive by boob job.
What is quantitative easing?
Is that like an in public handy or something like that? Is it a Wasilla deal?
Is that how Brisket started before she discovered wine coolers?
It's when store owners raise the price of jerky for fear of a black preznit.
America's Sweetheart is going to win Iowa in a landslide.
Didn't she pose on the cover of Runner's World during the McCain veep days? Maybe that's what she's running for (they do have cameras, after all).
I believe she dressed up for that one. She wore pantyhouse under her running shorts (ew!) and tossed the American flag sloppily over a chair as a suitable backdrop for her hootchie-cootchie-hot-mama posing (not a single shot of her actually, you know, running).
I also remember that same picture was used again and the wingnuts went ape shit screaming "That's Sexist!"
Shoot, Sarah herself bitched that it was sexist. Dim cow.
In Newsweek, yet!
I think it was after. She said she could beat Obama in that one, IIRC. Not sure she said at what
.
Newsweek is still in business? Why?
That cunt.
Check out the SI swimsuit edition pose on the dock in the article. Even Newsweek has clued into MILF as her sole qualification for attention.
two words: Tina Brown
If there hadn't been so many Wonkette articles about her before the election, $arah would have never ended up on Grandpa Walnutz' casting couch – HENNGH! – and gotten the backup role.
So we have no one but ourselves to blame. But I'm not commiting seppuku over it.
I still blame Jim Newell for the whole thing.
Why do you think Ken Layne is writing articles about green building/renovating now? He hopes in some small way to atone for the early stories on Palin.
GILF indeed.
Bill Krystol gets that load o'blame, and dammit he just won't do the honorable thing and get the sword and sake out and have it over with. If only we were Japan…
Of course she she was ticked off at Todd …..for paying the asking price for Jerky!
She could have gotten it for free, by just pretending she needed it for jury duty and America, so she could be undefeated in jogging suits, also. .
She's like a walking Saturday Night Live sketch…Appalachian Publicity Whore.
I thought Jug was the oldest Palin kid.
Some people ask me why I hate Sarah Palin so much. I guess it's just a knee jerk reaction to a dumb, photogenic and ambitious politician. You know, after the mess GWB caused.
She wins at quitting. No one ever better.
The fact that Lou Sarah considers Slim Jims, which are mostly mechanically separated chicken, to be in the class of "that jerky stuff" is honestly just another clear sign that her redneck credentials are fundamentally phony. Real jerky is actually pretty good, and readily available in real 'merica, if my one trip to The Mountains of Rural North Carolina Where Everyone Stares At Me For Being Brown is any indiciation.
Oh, and also, where the fuck is Lou Sarah, that slim Jims cost $2.69. I live in the middle of Highcostoflivingville, Manhattan, and I've never seen a fucking Slim Jim break $2.00. Even the extra-thick gluttony-sized ones.
repeat posting
Don't you remember that interview with Lou Sarah blathering on while, in the background, a turkey was being mechanically separated from its head? Bitch has been methodically separating the TeaTards from their cash ever since.
I had a strip of (possibly) artisanal jerky in my Bloody Mary at yesterday's brunch.
Good eating.
Sure. And there's a really great organic jerky place in Brooklyn, that promotes at the botanical garden's cherry blossom festival every year for some reason, and also sells its wares out of a bar the rest of the year.
But, I think that case is really just a consequence of the fact that hipsters started as/still are an appropriation/affectation of redneck culture.
Git 'er Donne!
So when I ponder the merits of our President, the C-in-C of our Armed Services and the Leader of the Free World, I don't want to waste my time with "Intellect", "Gravitas" and all that bumf – I want to be able to say "Good tits"
Helmut Kohl/Boris Yeltsin 2012!
Yeah yeah…perky. A victory of engineering over gravity.
President Perky. I like that
I CAN WIN.
That's just what Juan Antonio Flecha and Johnny Hoogerland were thinking yesterday afternoon, until the media had it's say.
Even in the bloody Tour, cyclists get fucked by cars
"Sarah Palin on why she's so confident"
So someone explained the Dunning-Kruger effect to her?
I looked up the DK effect, very interesting. Kind of like: the more I know, the more I know that I don't know. Given this, I can see why Palin thinks she knows everything.
Yeah, it certainly explains a lot about politics. I like to summarize it as "too stupid to know you're stupid".
All newsmagazine covers must be compared to this one. You wonder what it looked like before the Photoshop wizards went to work on "her."
Talk about jerky – a long string of gristle in a dress
Jeesus, that head doesn't look right. Looks like they actually (badly) photoshopped that head on there.
Oh, and nice wishbone she's got there on her chest. Dibs on making a wish with it.
I saw Coulter on Bill Maher. (M)ann has kinda nice tits, too.
For what species?
Tranny Ann: LGBT for the Trans Am / Camero crowd….
She could undoubtedly win anything she didn't compete for.
Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative easing, .
Based on the comments on this post, I'd say Palin has also become conversant on the subject of quantitative cock-teasing.
This is the most attention Newsweek has gotten since… ever.
Real Americans hate overpaying for meat by-products. They have the Ronco Food Dehydrator.
I call bullshit. That is not Sarah's body, and her face is shopped on.
"I Can Win"
And I can fart with sufficient force to escape Earth's orbit and can actually fly to the moon!
But I just don't want to.
So there! NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH!!!!!!
OMG LOL
That was at least as plausible and a lot more authentic-sounding than her yammerings on what she thinks she can do.
I see Newsweek didn't go the full mile with nipple shots and/or cleavage. Even her magazine covers are half-ass.
Maybe in a couple of months!
It is early in the election season.
"I Can Win'
Prove it.
Slim Jim? Is that Todd's name for it???
1. Put Palin on cover.
2. ???
3. Profit!!!
"And he says, ‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore."
So, just try to pay for it in GOLD and STFU dumbass…
Ameros!
Dear Newsweek, I am a private citizen who is not running for President but am technically qualified to do so and might run maybe; I have political opinions but have no influence in politics. Now where's my cover story?
She and Todd buy their own beef jerky? That settles it. Palin in 2012!
Man, you gotta admit – that's a nice pair of casabas.
If you write and tell her that, maybe she'll tell you where you can buy a pair just like them. Well, I mean if you offer to pay her.
You need to get out more, Grampa!
Newswhat?
Does Lou have a hairy chest???
Better caption for Sarah pic: "Hi! I'm Sarah Palin, and these are my breasts!"
"….and they're better qualified to run the country than I am….."
and they're quantitatively easy.
"Vote for me, and I'll show you my tits!"
Puts me in mind of a turkey neck sammich.
These Tits Don't Run.
She "warns" Boehner not to raise the debt ceiling?
What's she going to do when it happens? Throw a fit?
Look sister, there's a whole lot of Social Security and Medicare recipients out there, that would be more than willing to rend you limb from limb, if that check doesn't show up on Aug. 3rd.
At last, a good reason not to raise the debt ceiling. The cost (global economic catastrophe?) would almost be worth it.
No line-jumping, please, fellow Wonketeers.
I claim dibs as the first in line in my state to render Palin on Aug 3 and I'll trip your asses if you cut in front of me. 
I would be pleased and proud to do nothing but hold your jacket for you and watch you rend away at the silly cow.
They're more likely to blame random Jews/Muslims.
Guys, don't worry:
Quitters never win.
Grifter always quits.
SLIM JIMS! GAS STATIONS! HOW FOLKSY!
Real Americana!
She meant "win" in the Charlie Sheen sense of the word.
Now that one &/or both goddesses have left him, Charlie has an opening. Bring on Sarah &/or Bristol to your harem, Wild Thing!
Wait until she finds out that my $145k house originally sold for $8k, in 1967. ZOFMG THERE MUST BE A BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE PUT ME ON YER MAGAZINE COVER
Slim Jims are not jerky, by the way. They're made from, among other things, "mechanically separated chicken parts," in, I believe, 40-ton batches. The price may have gone up when the old plant in North Carolina was closed down by the owners, Con-Agra, in May of this year. Or maybe Con-Agra just needs to make more money, as they only had $12.5 billion in sales last year. Con-Agra, by the way, is the company that gave us salmonella-flavored peanut butter and is rated the least green of the top one hundred US corporations. So very Palin.
You can see their lobbyists outside GOP senatorial offices, fighting with Archer-Daniels-Midland lobbyists to be first in the door with their sacks of money.
Thank God no one talks about cutting farm subsidies!
Peckers and Lips! Yum, Yum!
‘Man, the dollar’s worth nothing anymore.’
Maybe we should stop printing paper dollars and move to coins.
Oh, wait, that's a cardinal sin…
All the speculation that has been put before us over all these years, and finally we get this, that explains everything about that fucking imbecilic scraggly yowling hag:
"He buys a Slim Jim—we’re always eating that jerky stuff—for $2.69."
And what's up with that stupid photo shoot? It's a cross between the output of a slightly pervy untalented twenty-something that has convinced some sweet young thing she can be a model, and the unimportant shots surrounding a Playboy centerfold: "I like long walks through mountain meadows filled with flowers, sunsets over the lake, and jogging while wearing a tight, thin hoodie over my voluptuously bouncing breasts."**
**I found the black water bra I wore under the thin white t-shirt at that Belmont horsey thing last summer. Also too I have nothing else to offer. Boobies! Look at me!
She has the largest smirk of any human being ever to have lived. That is truly the mother of all smirks.
And it's a smug smirk.
Oh for the good old days of Dubya's heh-heh smirk.
There's something weird about her whole expression. Too much surgery? The Be'elzebub face starting to come out?
Can't wait for the day when this comment of hers will be taken for granted, because no one will give a rat's "jerky":
“Our hotel was right down the block from The Des Moines Register,” Palin later told me, plainly pleased. “Nobody knew we were there.”
Yes, but does Lou $arah "Love" her vegetables like our zucchini munching friend Kortney?
"I can win"
2008 called, and would like to have a word with you.
Since running for President is probably out & w/Cindy Anthony and/or Casey Anthony most likely having a lock on "Worst Mother of the Year," what WILL Sarah do next?
Because they are both GREAT moms and are both great big IDS ( of "id, ego, superego" OR idiots), maybe Sarah Palin and Casey Anthony could start a child care center.
Well, Michele Bachmann has stated that she won't get into a mud wrestling contest with Bible Spice. Maybe this Casey Anthony chick will?
Guess I better run downtown and grab the trademark for the JW Gacy KiddieGarden before Sarah and Casey do.
Fist-fight with Michele Bachmann!
First photoshopped Dead Diana, now this.
You stay classy, Newsweek.
Newsweek was saved from extinction why, exactly?
Newsweek of the World.
You know what still costs only 99 cents ??? a bottle of rubbing alcohol, known in Alaska as "Wine cooler"
By Quantitative Easing she meant to go on the cover page without a bra.
“I was ticked off at Todd yesterday,” For what? The price of jerky? Has she ever blamed a problem on the correct cause?
I seriously doubt she can even spell win. Nice tits, however.
Her head may be empty but that hoodie is plenty full, brutha! Whooey! She got the Costco/Sam's Club size.
Looks like Newsweek might be angling to capture the News of the World audience.
How much of Larry Flynt's money do ya think "Tits for Brains" would settle for to show some big time snatch, et al., in Hustler Magazine? Let's face it. Everybody's gotta price. And nobody in the world proves that principle more than Palin.
Larry's a lefty, though. Also, he's seen a LOT of tits, and would probably prefer one of the younger Palins'. Willow, are you ready?
T
I
T
S
!
"I CAN WIN" a useless idiot contest.
I had the run(s) once.
Ok, Ok, more then once.
Still, what a shitty time.
Only winner was Charmain Super Soft.
The Little Idiot That Couldn't.
"We're always eating that jerky stuff" explains a lot.
"Newsweek" comes in, vomit goes out, never a miscommunication.
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