Everyone in this country is, one way or another, a victim of snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin. But according to the expert investigative journalists at TIME, there is one particular victim who needed to have her story told. That would be 20-year-old Sarah Palin, a college student whose parents made a very unfortunate decision back in 1991 that has resulted in suffering, ridicule, and saying things like, “Whenever I fill out a form for the first time, the store clerk or receptionist or whoever will look at me like I’m being a jerk.” And things will probably get worse for this girl, who we will call Also Sarah Palin, because once “Sarah Palin” is trademarked, Bristol and Willow are contractually obligated to ride their snowmobiles down to Heath, Texas and hack Also Sarah Palin to death with an icicle, while Tripp watches.
TIME: When did you first learn about the famous Sarah Palin?
One day in 2006 I decided to Google my name and see what showed up. I found out that someone named Sarah Palin was governor of Alaska. For my 16th birthday, one of my friends bought me a Sarah Palin bumper sticker. I have it on my refrigerator.
TIME: What was it like during the 2008 election?
I was in high school the day [Palin] was named John McCain’s running mate. I was sitting in class and suddenly bombarded with all these text-messages from my friends and family, congratulating me and saying I was going to be the next Vice President. I was like, What’s going on? After that, the Sarah Palin jokes never let up. I knew that my life would never be the same.
[TIME]
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Sarah Palin Too?
Sarah Palin #1 I say…
Actually, when you think about it, Sarah Palin is a LOT more like #2.
Also.
T.
Also: along with.
In addition to.
Electric Boogaloo.
I'd rather be a boy named Sue.
"After that, the Sarah Palin jokes never let up."
I don't think they want to be called "jokes" I think they prefer to be called "The Tea Party."
Barb, you have won the evening.
I bet this Sarah Palin graduates from college in one try.
Probably won't get knocked up by an idiot either.
and she never quit half way on any thing….
and never got drunk on wine cooler and got pregnant ….
and never have someone ghostwrite her book…
But according to the expert investigative journalists at TIME
I heard it through the Joke Line…
~
Help is on the way, honey: http://www.wikihow.com/Change-Your-Name
No, don't argue that Saint Sarah should be the one to change *her* name–you don't want to get into her gun viewfinder…
Those are just surveyor's marks!
As soon as the line of Casey Anthonys clears out, she can proceed.
"gun viewfinder."
You're from a coast, aren't you?
She can change her first name to Meghan for the lulz.
How unfortunate. I think I'd rather be named "Shit Bag".
I screamed with laughter at that, because it is true.
Shit Bag Palin, or Meghan Shit Bag?
Makes a difference, yaknow.
Wait, what? I thought that Lou Sarah was Sarah Palin. I need a program to follow this drama!
NO!! NO!! Let it go…
"Kill me. Please."
Know you're not alone in your frustration, sarah the younger. Think of how parasailin' must feel — and she's been around close to 50 years.
Yes, yes. Sarah the Younger will do just fine.
That makes for a much duller version of the John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt song.
Haha, I wonder of she got to read all of the Wonkette "GILF" jokes?
That was such an innocent time, wasn't it?
That's got to suck even worse than being named Michael Bolton.
Win!
Why doesn't he just go by "Mike"?
A+ reference right there
no talent assclown!
From Time interview with Sarah2:
Q: "How do you feel about her?
A: She seems like a good and decent person, and she's enthusiastic about what she does. But she doesn't always sound very smart. Some of the things she says are hysterical. I don't hate her, and I don't love her. I just share the same name with her."
You'll learn to hate her, young Sarah. Just like the rest of us.
Sarah2 sounds like she could be, dare I say it? A Democrat?
A Democrat from Heath (suburban Dallas), Texas? I doubt it, unless she's some kind of ethnic minority.
Groan. I just realized that Heath is Palin's maiden name. Fuckin' creepy.
& Gov. Palin was in Dallas when she "went into labour" with Trig.
You know who else was named "Sarah Palin"?
Pocahantas?
And maybe Michele Bachmann
Will be there by the fire
We'll sit and talk of Koch Brothers
And the good things there for hire
And the MSM
and the blood libel
Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin and me
Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin and me
Sarah Palin.
Casey Anthony?
Hitler?
Lou Sarah?
Hannibal Lecter? Moose isn't the only thing that goes well with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Sarah Palin. Doh.
Tina Fey?
Aimee Semple McPherson?
Lisa Ann?
Nina Hartley?
Dangerous Dan McGrew?
John Wayne Gacy?
(suggested by my kiddo. I suppose I shouldn't have read the "shit bag" post to him, maybe)
Annie Sprinkle?
Julianne Moore?
For once, I don't have anything clever to add to this meme.
The Whore of Babylon?
'Divine', a.k.a. Harris Glenn Milstead?
And if she should someday become engaged to a young man named Timothy Pedophile, I doubt she'll have even a moment's hesitation about taking his name.
Not even if his last name was actually Shit Bag.
She should change her name to Not Sarah.
My niece just recently married this great young man. She made the mistake of calling him her per name in front of me. She called him Squishy. When I called him Squishy, he got upset and said "I'm Not Squishy!" So now I call him Not Squishy. Love that boy.
or Trig.
How about "No, Not That Sarah"?
Sarah Palin # 2 has her work cut out for her.
But she doesn't always sound very smart. Some of the things she says are hysterical. I don't hate her, and I don't love her. I just share the same name with her.
I like this girl.
More perceptive than 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999%of Teabaggers…
My heart goes out to someone named Sarah Palin, also too. For the first, and likely the last time.
Everyone, quick! Let's think some really great thoughts for this beset-upon young woman, and hope that somewhere down the line, she ends up with misdirected royalties and/or donations to her super PAC.
And lots of fawning Facebook friends.
Fuck that. Give me the money.
Actually, setting up a sarahpac.net would be hilarious. Too bad you'd have to deal with the domain squatters.
Her very existence is now trademark infringement. Or it would be, if SP1 hadn't half-assed that, too.
No, Crassus, I am Sarah Palin!
I'm Sarah Palin, and so is my wife!!!
frosting a cake with a paper knife
Zappa reference on a Friday! Win!
I totally upfisted that.
Oh, thanks. Now I get to spend the weekend giving my kid a Zappa tutorial. Or should I just let him discover Frank on his own, so he can feel that thrill of finding something illicit and subversive and wonderful?
Sometimes I worry that his teen rebellion move will be to say, "You know, Dad, there's the book I've been reading that really explains everything so clearly…" and then hand me either the Book of Mormon or Atlas Shrugged.
Yahoo,
♫ ♬ ding-dong the witch is dead♫ ♬,
14:59.
Or so we hope, a Palin post gets pushed to the side bar…..Oh wait, it's not the real grifter.
it's kind of like being named John W. Gacy.
Or Teddy Bundy?
or Rupert Murdoch.
or George Bush
well being named "George Bush" isn't that bad before year 2000
Or "Vic Hitler."
Or Nancy Grace.
You won.
A friend of mine's cousin is named Rebekah Brooks. She's been fairly unpopular lately.
You'd think she could at least get some free clothes out of the deal.
We need her to start contributing to Wonkette – stat.
Sarah Palin Jr?
oh yes please,,, she is a college student from People Republic of Austin, her snark should be well recieved by us
And people wonder why the news magazines are losing circulation. Is this the one that merged with a blog? Or the one that hired Original Wonkette AMC?
We need Ana Marie to sort this out for us. Wither thou goest, Ms. Cox.
The Palins are trademarking their names?
Great. Now, not only do corporations have the same rights as people, people can be incorporated?
I have a fairly common name which, Google informs me, I share with a Scottish football player, a Cricket player from New Zealand, a blues musician who was also a black panther, and a rather obscure 19th century poet. I keep checking Google to see if I've overtaken any of them. So far, no luck.
Is it Matt Stirrbait?
Me too and I share it with many others, I was commenting on this on Wonkette recently and shared the joy of Google Images , when you have a common name.
When you have an uncommon name (so uncommon you were led to believe growing up no one from outside of your nuclear family had it in North America) the pictures can be both amusing and shocking.
You know, that's how I found out about wonkette, when I tried googling my childhood penpal Ba Tsechs.
I have all of gurukalehuru's albums. I love the Blues.
Robert Johnson, Bessie Smith, "Blind Lemon" Gurukalehuru — all the blues greats have common surnames.
Sarah # 2: "Why should I change my name? She's the one who sucks!"
Yes, things have been difficult for this Sarah Palin, but just imagine the shock when her classmate Ricky Santorum first Googled his name.
Can I upfist you 100x for this?
Just try not to forget to google Santorum once a week to keep it on top.
That's one way to get to Santorum.
I just want you to know that no one works harder than Li'l Ricky to keep Santorum on the lips of every Republican.
Sorry "Sarah Palin" but the *real* Sarah Palin already has the copyrights to both the name Sarah Palin and also victimhood.
So, basically, this 20 year-old Sarah Palin is illegal? I thought so.
She needs to make a clean break, were I in her situation I would change my name to Trotsky Palin.
I think Michael Palin might have a strong damages lawsuit.
Trostsky is the name of her youngest child, right? Trig, Tripp, Track, Trotsky, Todd…meh, same thing.
I think I love you.
Nah, Trotsky has too many syllables. They could just call him the Trots.
There are some unfortunate free association crossovers that might arise when considering the intersection of Trotsky and Palin, to wit, Alaska, Ice, Ice-Pick, etc.
To be sure, it's highly unlikely that Coyoacan would make this list, but nonetheless…
Sure, there may be many synonyms. Now if you could just get to the point…
It's important that amid all this, we not forget who the real victim here is: Sarah Pal- oh.
I once worked with a lady named "Gay Butcher." I never thought it could be topped…until now…
I once knew someone through work named Lance Spear – and he wasn't a gay porno actor either.
Did he wonder why people snickered when they were introduced to him?
Fantastic! I knew someone called Candy Beaver, which I thought was excellent, as long as it wasn't my name.
I had two friends named Peugh and Beaver, they started a company called Stinky Beaver Plumbing.
Speaking of pew, Detroit's openly-gay city council president is named Charles Pugh.
I went to school with an actual Mike Hunt.
High school.
I used to get orders for document processing 20+ years ago from a Secret Filet. No one in the department had ever met her. We never figured out why the hell anyone would either keep that name or make it up for business purposes.
I also knew a girl in school named Hroang Huey but pronounced (correctly) as Hwrong hway. I hope for her sake that her English got better and she either figured a way to explain it cleverly or has a thicker skin than I do.
My mother once worked with a woman named Randi Dick. And no, neither of them were strippers.
There's a real estate agent here in Maryland actually named 'Gay Horny.' She's really really old, though, and seemingly completely unaware of the double meaning. It's…awkward.
What's her angle?
By the way, I just read that the REAL Sarah Palin said that she "felt her circle of trusted advisors was 'shrinking daily.'" You know who ELSE felt like their inner circle of trusted advisors was shrinking daily?!
Newt Gingrich?
Jesus?
Oh, I KNOW this one: Hitler!
Sarah Palin is hiding in Fuhrerbunker now ?
Wouldn't that be just too perfect?
Sorry, it's still occupied by several billion Downfall parodies. (at least this one is something other than the usual clip….)
Julius Caesar?
Stalin – but only because he kept shooting them.
Muammar Gaddafi?
Addy in his Führerbunker? Did I just break the meme?
Damn! Someone beat me to the Führerbunker reference. Grr….
Billy Milligan
Ed Gein?
Jean Neidich?
Think of the fun she could have on Twitter!
Wait — Sarah Palin lives in Heath, TX? And Other Sarah Palin's last name is Heath?
It's just like that Kennedy-Lincoln thing. I think I just blew my own mind, again.
Wow (takes another hit)
Sometimes the shortest commments are the BEST comments.
The President and CEO of the company I work for is named John McCain — referred to as President McCain. We have a Vice President named Tim Conway. And another Vice President named Vice. Also a Vice President Dick. Pretty sure young Ms Palin can write her own ticket in my office.
Anything I could write would pale in comparison.
You fooled me once with your eyes now honey
You fooled me twice with your lies and I say
Sarah smiles – like Sarah doesn't care
Sarah lives – in the world so unaware
You know who else was the namesake of bad '70s slow songs that were performed by sexually ambiguous singer/songwriter duos?
No.
Oprah Winfrey?
i pity all the adolf hitlers and osama bin ladens out there, too.
well the good thing for sarah palin (2) is that it's all coming to an end. and when she cures cancer or develops spacepac technology or creates some hot new dance move – the other sarah palin will be merely a footnote in a very bad smelling period of american history.
Sarah Palin the Good – as opposed to that horrible Half-Term Governess Palin – should go all Highlander on her ass. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
Imagine my horror when the Simpson's named a character Lionel Hutz.
Ha! And imagine my horror when those indian bastards that wrote Popol Vuh commandeered my name!
As long as a Sarah Palin is a victim, the world will continue to turn.
Someone needs to put a stop to the Wassabilly meth monster for this sake of this poor girl.
Either that or she should just change her name, cause you know Palin's never going away if she can help it.
"What's in a name? A Rose by any other name would be a half-quitting grifter from Tundra Town." – Albert Yawkey. Odd side note: One of the current senior office holders in the United States Army Ranger Association is Mike Ranger. ..You're welcome.
Instead of Also Sarah Palin you should call her Good Sarah Palin.
She should grow a goatee to make that even clearer.
KHAAAAAAAN!!!
Oh, wait, wrong member of the bridge crew.
She should change her name to, "He Hate Me."
And then glare at her father.
Does this girl not have a middle name, for crying out loud?
Yes. Sadly, it's Lou.
"Everyone in this country is, one way or another, a victim of snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin."
But what I've been hearing is that everyone is this country, one way or another, has victimized snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin.
During the Middle Ages (a.k.a. the good old days, to the religious right), names were in short supply, so they had to tack on distinguishing suffixes like "the Elder".
This woman could go with "Sarah the Smarter" — and totally eliminate the confusion.
Taking this too far gets you into Pratchett territory, viz. No'-As-Big-As-Medium-Sized-Jock-But-Bigger-than-Wee-Jock Jock
True … "Sarah the Smarter" merely tells you who you're not talking to.
Sarah mini-me?
She should write a book, obvs. Doesn't matter about what, just slap that name on the cover.
She can just change her name to mine. Sarah Drinker has a much nicer ring to it.
Do you know how many sobriety checks I'm given just based on my name alone? *hic*
Maybe she ought to see about changing her name to Michael (using the frenchie to make it sound like Michelle)…then at least the Palin she was named after would be funny. Or she could just say she was named after America's two favorite teatards (Bachmann and Palin).
It's only fair that the Sarah Palin who has ruined the name Sarah Palin ought to have to changer HER name. Otherwise it's too much like asking a person who's been robbed to pay back the thief for his troubles.
I propose "Gotcha Mamabear Snowbilly"
Just play him the music. That's how I got hooked. No explanations, nuthin'. One day I was a teenage innocent; next I was howling the lyrics to "Titties and Beer" out loud.
You'd have to disown him if he handed you "Broke: The Plan to Restore our Truss…" or "The Overton Window" both by Glenn Beck. You simply would not have a choice.
I suppose this is the appropriate time to trot this quote out again:
" There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs." –John Rogers
give me
your dirty love
Just like yo' mama make that nasty little poodle do
Frank has the perfect voice for that song, too. Lechy.
I respond:
"On the exegesis of the philologist I assert the following: a young man cannot possibly know who ancient Greeks and Romans are, and he cannot possibly know if he is suited for finding out about them." — Nietzche
The man is a genius, pure and simple.
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