Sarah Palin Victim Sarah Palin Breaks Her Silence

Everyone in this country is, one way or another, a victim of snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin. But according to the expert investigative journalists at TIME, there is one particular victim who needed to have her story told . That would be 20-year-old Sarah Palin, a college student whose parents made a very unfortunate decision back in 1991 that has resulted in suffering, ridicule, and saying things like, “Whenever I fill out a form for the first time, the store clerk or receptionist or whoever will look at me like I'm being a jerk.” And things will probably get worse for this girl, who we will call Also Sarah Palin, because once “Sarah Palin” is trademarked, Bristol and Willow are contractually obligated to ride their snowmobiles down to Heath, Texas and hack Also Sarah Palin to death with an icicle, while Tripp watches.

TIME: When did you first learn about the famous Sarah Palin?

One day in 2006 I decided to Google my name and see what showed up. I found out that someone named Sarah Palin was governor of Alaska. For my 16th birthday, one of my friends bought me a Sarah Palin bumper sticker. I have it on my refrigerator.

TIME: What was it like during the 2008 election?

I was in high school the day [Palin] was named John McCain's running mate. I was sitting in class and suddenly bombarded with all these text-messages from my friends and family, congratulating me and saying I was going to be the next Vice President. I was like, What's going on? After that, the Sarah Palin jokes never let up. I knew that my life would never be the same.

[ TIME ]