OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  4:28 pm July 8, 2011

Obama Failed To Create Jobs For All, On Twitter; Unemployment Soars

by Wonkette Jr.

Jobless men keep going, for chrissakes ....Unemployment shot up to an official 9.2% as Barack Obama failed to magically create millions of new jobs via Twitter the other day. The real rate, depending on which real rate you like, is somewhere between 11% and 25%. So, no jobs for anyone, ever. The stock markets reacted by briefly going into freefall, but then investors realized it doesn’t much matter to them if one-tenth or even one-third of the workforce is unemployed forever, so stocks recovered most of the losses by afternoon. Twitter, meanwhile, is now valued at something like SEVEN BILLION DOLLARS, so hooray?

An economist tells the WSJ:

As a result of the latest exodus from the labor force, the participation rate fell to a 27-year low of 64.1%. The employment-to-population ratio fell to 58.2, from 58.4, matching the lows set in December 2009 and then November 2010. The upshot is that exactly two years after the recovery began, broad labor market conditions haven’t improved at all.

[WSJ blogs]

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nounverb911 July 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Someone's lying. Santorum said Hopey created 240 million jobs on TV so it must be official.

x111e7thst July 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Clearly the president is at fault for not cutting the top marginal tax rate and rescinding any government regulation ever imposed. And don't even get me started on the job killing effects of Obamacare..

OneDollarJuana July 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Looks like Wal Mart coutourers still have jerbs, though.

smokefilledroommate July 8, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Has Michelle weighed in on the nutritional value of hobo beans yet?

hollywooddood July 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Needs more tax cuts for wealthy job creators.

baconzgood July 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm


Swampgas_Man July 8, 2011 at 5:33 pm

TAX ABORTIONS. Then everybody's happy!

Barb July 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Hey, if any of ya'll can afford to go to McDonald's, could you bring me back an application, please.

Negropolis July 9, 2011 at 12:23 am

Bring me back a large McApplication w/cheese, hold the onions. Oh, and a Diet Koch, por favor. Oh, and two Crapple pie. Also.

gullywompr July 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Don't worry, the extension to the Bush tax cuts will take effect in 3… 2…

Rosie_Scenario July 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Is Glenn Beck still unemployed?

Barb July 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Yes, beck is unemployed. Didn't you see him on Rt 66 with his chalkboard sign "will work for Prozac?"

flamingpdog July 9, 2011 at 12:08 am

No, that was Mitt Romney you saw. He's unemployed, too. He even bragged about it, the slacker.

tessiee July 10, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Neither Beck nor Mittens is cool enough to be anywhere near Route 66.
Also, I don't want them to get their kicks.

bureaucrap July 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I've already arranged to sell my internal organs to the chineeeze for food money.

Rosie_Scenario July 8, 2011 at 4:38 pm

If you sell your stomach, you won't need to buy food. Problem solved.

AJWjr. July 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm

It's a trap! An hour later, you're hungry again…

donner_froh July 8, 2011 at 6:26 pm

In Communist China, internal organs sell you.

PristineODummy July 8, 2011 at 10:21 pm

It's not like you'll need them for that long anyway.

tessiee July 10, 2011 at 1:04 pm

So, like that O. Henry short story?

FlownOver July 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Second Amendment remedy: Get your gun, go to the nearest corporate HR office, and yell "Hire me, biotch!! Now!!"

hollywooddood July 8, 2011 at 5:10 pm

l like it! Will try Monday.

JustPixelz July 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Trust me. That actually doesn't work as well as FlownOver makes it sound.

Swampgas_Man July 8, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Yeah, they just give you a shitty office in the janitor's closet, and fire you the next day.

tessiee July 10, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Sheeeeeeyit, if that worked, I'd skip the middlemen, and go directly to the banks.
Of course, then you miss out on the beneficial effect of ridding the world of a few evil HR assholes (pardon the redundancy).

nounverb911 July 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Reagan raised taxes, why can't Obama?

FlownOver July 8, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Because he's near.

Negropolis July 9, 2011 at 12:32 am

Would it be better if he was far?

ProgressiveInga July 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Because he's halfrican.


JustPixelz July 8, 2011 at 5:20 pm

You forgot OKIYAR rule. Also skin color rule. Also Reagan used his charisma to make Repubicans stop blowing him and "raise the damn taxes you cocksuckers."

DahBoner July 10, 2011 at 11:51 am

Reagan was a rich, white Republican.


tessiee July 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Because if he did, the richest 1% would have a screaming, pants-wetting, foaming at the mouth tantrum like the spoiled brats that they are, and they'd hate him forever and ever infinity plus one.
Then they'd arrange for him to "die in his sleep".

mavenmaven July 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm

And the predictable lie from the repubs: "Now it just does not make sense for Americans to suffer under higher taxes in an economy like this," said Cantor, R-Va.

Of course, the unemployed aren't the ones being taxed, it would be the rich folks who are busy profiting by taking their factories, etc, overseas…

PristineODummy July 8, 2011 at 10:23 pm

But Orrin Hatch already said Teh Poorz need to do more!

SarcasticNymph July 13, 2011 at 9:35 am

I pay taxes on my fucking unemployment checks. You try living on less than $24,000 a year. Of course the alternative for me is what? The second amendment solution? Begging at the freeway offramp?

pukebot July 8, 2011 at 4:40 pm

if everyone stops looking for jobs we can get the unemployment rate down to 0%.

WhatTheHolyHeck July 8, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Holy shit, my aim sucks. I meant to UPfist you.

I am become downfister, the destroyer of pee.


Swampgas_Man July 8, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I upfisted for you.

FlownOver July 8, 2011 at 6:33 pm

And I for you.

Probability factor of one to one…we have normality, I repeat we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem.

PristineODummy July 8, 2011 at 10:24 pm

That only works if we also devour each other when we get hungry. Otherwise you just have a lot of hungry Poorz sitting around annoying the Richez.

inapewetrust July 8, 2011 at 4:42 pm

"oh boo hoo, people are unemployed, wah. i wish i didn't have to work. you think i like coming into the office every day? no way, i'd rather be on welfare or whatever like those millions upon millions of lucky bums out there. i mean, not literally of course – you get what i'm saying. i despise the poor, is what i'm saying. phi delt!"

-some dumb douchebag whoremonger guy

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm

TPM says this: The private sector accounted for 57,000 new jobs, but the total was dragged down by 39,000 public sector layoffs.
Which is odd, because John Boehner has been saying for several years now that government jobs aren't real jobs — so if they didn't count when they were being added, how come they count when they're being taken away? Anyway, the conservative plan to boost the economy by slashing state budgets has — um — caused even more pain, so mission accomplished?

GOPCrusher July 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm

What's really odd, is that the Republiklans have been bitching that the problem isn't that people aren't taxed enough, it's that government spends too much. You cut government spending, employees are going to get laid off. Are the Republiklans going to start giving Obama credit for cutting government spending?

Buckminster July 8, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Yep, better to lose employment, if it's government employment, they say. Neglecting that many public jobs do not pay as well as private sector jobs requiring the same amount of education, experience and training.

I went to a seminar once where the presenter said it's a much tougher job to be a public employee because the average citizen is your boss. In other words, you have a hella lot of bosses, none of which wants to know anything but, "What are you going to do for me? My taxes pay your salary."

mumbly_joe July 11, 2011 at 9:37 am

it's a much tougher job to be a public employee because the average citizen is your boss

In other words, instead of just having one idiot boss, you have 320 million of them?

V572 [SSAN] July 8, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Just like I heard Michael Steele say this afternoon that 51 percent of taxpayers don't pay any taxes. It's all very simple.

AJWjr. July 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm

That must be their new meme, I heard Orrin Hatch say the same thing the other day. I make around $28K/yr in pensions, and I pay income taxes on it. Are they suggesting that 51% of us make less than me? If so, we're even more fucked than I thought.

tessiee July 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"Anyway, the conservative plan to punish the poor and gut what's left of the middle class by slashing state budgets"


Rotundo_ July 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm

And still we wait for that invisible hand (what-30 years now?) and all of those great ideas like trickle down and tax cuts that will crank up the wealthy into job spawning saviors of the american dream. Hmmmm. Sitting on plenty of available capital, but there's no demand for stuff. Maybe it's because the grifting bastards have rendered us collectively broke? Nahhh, jus the *right* tax cuts, that will get us there…

Buckminster July 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Yep, that steady "trickle down" was actually smaller and smaller paychecks for the working class. No argument makes me madder than the one that the filthy rich millionaires are building infrastructure and creating jobs. Far more of them are playing the market, feathering their nests, endowing their offspring with more swag and bling than you and I have ever dreamed of and hiding their wealth in offshore banks.

Swampgas_Man July 8, 2011 at 5:37 pm

The invisible hand is giving us the finger.

AJWjr. July 8, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Invisible (down)fist.

PsycWench July 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm

you'd think Twitter would be hiring.

V572 [SSAN] July 8, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Why hire anybody when everybody generates all your content for free? The whole thing is probably a couple of kids in the basement with Dell servers and a T1 line.

simplyblue7 July 8, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Between Santorum's number and these numbers I'm confused. Am I unemployed or do i have 1.5 jobs???

mog253 July 8, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Based on all the downsizing, you probably have 4 jobs, what with taking one for the team and helping the company through this bad economy, no raises this year either. heh.

GOPCrusher July 8, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Seriously, I just heard a talking head on the radio say, that despite the fact that the stock market is going up and companies are awash with cash, the reason companies aren't hiring is because of the uncertainty of taxes going up and Obamacare.
And I ask again, you've had tax cuts for the last ten years, WHERE ARE THE JOBS?

MissusBarry July 8, 2011 at 5:06 pm

But those tax cuts could end some day. If they use their cash reserves on normal payroll and have to maybe pay $3.25 in taxes in 2017, where would the golden parachute and executive bonus money come from?!? Tragic and disastrous stuff.

Buckminster July 8, 2011 at 5:16 pm

In China?

Callyson July 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm

And yet, Kortney still has her job.

JustPixelz July 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Kortney loves her job. And I love Kortney.

Negropolis July 9, 2011 at 12:34 am

That job is recession proof. Always has been.

4TheTurnstiles July 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Dear GOP,


we're bored with your current line of bullshit, thanks

fartknocker July 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Excuse me while I go to the bathroom and show my toilet how Trickle down economics works.

Mumbletypeg July 8, 2011 at 4:51 pm

This news is gonna get Paul Ryan and Rick Santorum more pumped up and high on their horses than Hans and Franz at a YMCA lock-in.

WhatTheHeck July 8, 2011 at 4:52 pm

The reason we have this situation is because the President never signed a pledge to actually create more jobs. When one signs a pledge, the problem magically goes away.

Buckminster July 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Really? In that case, I pledge the Republican party.

tessiee July 10, 2011 at 1:19 pm

One million upfists for you, good sir or madam.

orygoon July 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm

If I get a couple of more part-time "jobs" it will add up to an actual job and then I'm sure we'll all be in clover.

The current estimate, based on present progress, is this will take 15-18 years.

Swampgas_Man July 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Having been unemployed for a year and a half, I'd give my left nipple for ONE part-time job.

LiveToServeYa July 8, 2011 at 5:09 pm

When the private sector and the public sector fail to create jobs, there's always the pubic sector.

GOPCrusher July 8, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Not after you sign the Family Leader Pledge.

Buckminster July 8, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Really? There's still a market for porn? Who knew?

Swampgas_Man July 8, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I want Kortney's job w/ veggies.

DaSandman July 8, 2011 at 5:13 pm

You could actually make a fine career out of caring for David Vitter's diapers and diaper rash.

ThundercatHo July 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm

I'd rather be Lewis Black's ball washer. He said the job comes with a fabulous benefits pkg.

GOPCrusher July 9, 2011 at 12:29 am

But who would you rather pay money to see in concert? Lewis Black or David Vitter?

SorosBot July 8, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Wonkette Jr.'s getting depression as hell; are we sure this one isn't really Ken in disguise?

JustPixelz July 8, 2011 at 5:29 pm

This is like Christmas in July for the Repubicans. "Obama's high taxes are killing jobs." Which reminds me that back when it was Christmas in December the Repubicans got Bush's tax cuts extended. That worked out real well, didn't it?

I think we're seeing the first vibrations of the deficit default earthquake. Businesses and markets are uncertain if, when or how the debt ceiling will play out. Inflation, high borrowing costs, lack of consumer confidence, slowdown as spending decelerates — all those risks are on the horizon. I wouldn't hire right now either.

GOPCrusher July 9, 2011 at 12:32 am

Maybe once we start seeing protests on American streets like Greece is having, companies are going to start wondering if holding on to all that money was a great idea?

edgydrifter July 8, 2011 at 5:32 pm

This is too easy. Listen, Barry. You declare unemployment as "Personal Career Transition Services" and reclassify everyone as an independent contractor. Shazam! You just created eleventy-million jobs and made the unemployment rate 0.0%!

No, it's cool. You don't need to thank me or anything–this one's on me.

SaintRond July 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Will show my wiener for food.

littlebigdaddy July 8, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Here's your jerb strategy in a nutshell. Legalize weed and prostitution, let the magic of the marketplace do its work. Happy days are here again!

Negropolis July 9, 2011 at 12:36 am

This would make the Invisible Hand very happy! And, what's good for the Invisible Hand is good for U.S. America.

DahBoner July 10, 2011 at 11:58 am

Ron Paul?

Is that you?

Negropolis July 10, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Ron Paul would never utter the phrase "happy days" in any context. In fact, right after he got through talking about weed and prostitution legalization he'd go off on some tangent about UFOs and the gold standard and building your own private highway.

lochnessmonster July 8, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Out of everything I've been reading….is there ANYONE who REALLY knows what the hell is going on????

weejee July 8, 2011 at 7:32 pm

This jerbs newz has the Retugs greasing their fundaments for a new, and louder round of jerbeling.

Jerbeling, for the uninitiated, is when you take some labor statistics, well any stats at all really, and use them for furious buttsechs. The result is immediate metafiscal rapture and you start raving that any and all gubberment infrastructure spending must stop and all taxes that rich people pay be cut. This will lead to jerbs for all real 'Muricans.

Jerbeling, what the Conservetards do best.

Slim_Pickins July 8, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Unemployment goes up when you layoff public sector employees, what Republican would have guessed that?

tessiee July 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm

A1: None of them Katie, because they're dumbasses.
A2: All of them Katie; it's a deliberate part of their fiendish plan.

Warpde July 8, 2011 at 11:33 pm

That's it.
I am never posting my sexy sexy pic's on the net again.


PS. I like my smiley face outfit.

tessiee July 10, 2011 at 1:46 pm

You can leave your hat on!

Negropolis July 9, 2011 at 12:15 am

"Shot up"? You mean like a whole tenth-of-a-percent?

BTW, why isn't anyone in the media making note that the net job gain was so week because Republicans and/or their ideology was responsible for the gutting of tens-of-thousands of local and state government jobs, last month? The private sector job growth was still way weaker than it should be, but the 18,000 net jobs wouldn't have looked so bad were it not for the suicidal public sector job cuts we're becoming accustomed to expecting.

Sorry about the lack of snark, but I'm tired of Obama getting blamed because Stupid (Real) America has an economic death wish. But, if Obama wants to keep dicking around and not saying much about public sector cuts, then he should be blamed. In all actuality he should be pressing states not to cut. Hell, he should be pushing for a massive public works program. Fuck public teabagger sentiment. They are going to blame him, anyway. This is an emergency; just pull the trigger, already. If your re-election is meant to be, it'll happen.

GOPCrusher July 9, 2011 at 12:39 am

The real problem was that President Obama said that with the Stimulus spending, we could keep unemployment around 7%.
He didn't plan on the financial sector being as bad as it really is, nor did he plan on companies refusing to hire people in retribution for voting for a Black man to be our President.
That whole idea of rounding up conservatives and locking them away in FEMA built concentration camps sounds better every day.
Either that, or setting their houses on fire and gunning them down in cold blood when they come out.

Negropolis July 9, 2011 at 7:26 pm

The private sector is undoubtedly weak, but believe it or not, a lot of folks are hiring, particularly in manufacturing. But, so long as we stick to this belief that public sector jobs aren't "real" jobs so it doesn't matter if we cut them, that's going to overshadow any jobs gained in the private sector. We need to stop indiscriminately sacrificing public workers to the deficit god.

My city just layed off dozens of firefighters and police for the first time in the history of the city, because some teabaggers narrowly defeated a slight millage increase for public safety. This shit has got to stop. These are real people, with real jobs, who spend real fucking money in the community.

Negropolis July 9, 2011 at 7:29 pm

BTW, the stimulus didn't work like it was supposed to because some ridiculous fucking amount of it was nothing but tax cuts and tax relief. An embarrassingly small amount of it actually got spent on infrastructure and other things that, you know, create jobs. Lest we forget, the stimulus actually included within in the biggest general tax cut in American history. It wasn't really much of a stimulus, at all. And, this was all because the president keeps folding to Republicans.

ttommyunger July 9, 2011 at 10:01 am

I wonder what would happen if a Country had divided Government and one half of it was furiously working to make its economy fail and the other half was preoccupied with lining up blowjobs and raking in campaign contributions? Oh, right.

BZ1 July 10, 2011 at 12:32 pm

In the spirit of bipartisanship, the repubs say no way, but likely the demos will give in anyway…

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