What do Democrats and Republicans have in common these days, besides a total disinterest in governance and a massive crush on Twitter slapfights? They both love those sweet-tasting Koch bucks printed on paper made of ground orphans. DSCC Chairwoman Sen. Patty Murray called up Koch Industries and left a voicemail asking for the Kochs to renew their $30,000 DSCC donation from last year, oh and, would those nice Koch boys like to join the Democrats for a special summer picnic retreat? Uh, go kochsuck somewhere else, was the public reply from Koch Industries president Philip Ellender, who is still laughing. Are we amused, also? Kind of, except it is more like a horrible burning sensation. Can this filthy kind of Koch humor give you herpes?
Ellender wrote back a letter to Murray which he published online. It goes like this: does it matter if Harry Reid sent out an email to everyone announcing that the Koch brothers love to squirt napalm at school teachers and firefighters? Yes, it matters, go the hell away:
Dear Senator Murray:
For many months now, your colleagues in the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee leadership have engaged in a series of disparagements and ad hominem attacks about us, apparently as part of a concerted political and fundraising strategy. Just recently, Senator Reid wrote in a DSCC fundraising letter that Republicans are trying to “force through their extreme agenda faster than you can say ‘Koch Brothers.’”
So you can imagine my chagrin when I got a letter from you on June 17 asking us to make five-figure contributions to the DSCC. You followed that up with a voicemail* indicating that, if we contributed heavily enough, we would garner an invitation to join you and other Democratic leaders at a retreat in Kiawah Island this September.
I’m hoping you can help me understand the intent of your request because it’s hard not to conclude that DSCC politics have become so cynical that you actually expect people whom you routinely denounce to give DSCC money.
Uh, yeah, that’s exactly what the Democrats were expecting. How long have you guys been in politics? [KochFacts via Teagan Goddard]
UPDATE: DSCC Executive Director Guy Cecil says the DSCC contacted the Koch Industries by mistake, and he wrote a snarky letter of his own, SO THERE.
{ 189 comments }
They're so used to begging for money from everyone they can't help themselves. I hate to say this, but it shows the Koch Brothers have more integrity than the DSCC.
Sadly, this was my first thought as well.
Meh. I have a lot more respect for the whores than I do for the Johns; at least Murray is being honest about her intentions.
they have more and less integrity at the same time.
I agree with your statement. And I don't.
COPS battered house wife style?
DONT TAKE MY HUSBBBEEENNNAAADDDDHHHH
Quite honestly, it is getting tiresome to open my e-mail on a daily basis and seeing another request for more money.
It's easier to be integritous if you're sitting on a few bil, yaknow? Patty's got bills to pay, she'll ask anybody for money.
Oh Demrats, never change.
Assholes. (Both Kochs and Kochsuckers.)
…go kochsuck somewhere else, was the public reply from Koch Industries president Philip Ellender
Or go smoke Koch elsewhere…
~
Well, I must say that I never get any emails from the Koch Brothers begging me for contributions. Democrats, on the other hand….
You make a contribution to the Koch Brothers every time you buy Brawny paper towels or anything else produced by Koch Industries (electricity?). they should make our forced contributions to corporate behemoths illegal.
Why should they beg when they can just take?
That's what creates the jobz! As we're learning today! No, wait….Orin says, "Leave the Riches ALONE!"
That's "job creators," V572. We don't call them "Richez" anymore. Too discriminatory — at 2% they're a minority whose rights must be protected, and "job creators" indicates the respect we accord to them. Derogatry slurs like "Richez" should be reserved for wealthy liberals.
A political party cares mores about fund raising than ethics? How shocking.
(GASP). Party ahead of country? What is politics comming….Oh, this is Emerica.
Dear Mister(s) Koch: The disparagements and ad hominem attacks were because you are fucking assholes. Now, about that donation…
Democrats playing 5-card draw with Republicans: "I got three 7s, but I'll throw one away if you let me win this hand."
Republicans: "Sure!"
And then the Democrats throw away the third 7 and lose to a pair of 9s. Hand after hand. The Washington Generals try harder to beat the Harlem Globetrotters.
~
See, Dems? Just because the Kochs gave you money for a while for turning into the right-wing-but-not-as-far-right-as-the-GOP party, doesn't mean they're gonna keep funding you for selling out.
If only Rupert Murdock could be Preznit. Then he could just fold up the old 235 year old failure we call America.
Speaking of which, the London cops have just confirmed they're searching the offices of a different paper, this just gets better and better.
Hahaha…
The night they took old Murdoch down the people were singing… (not the people employed by him though.)
Hugh Grant on Question Time made the tabloids and the politicians look like vermin. It was fantastic http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkTs1Ayq8qo
Damn. Mega-pwn.
Good for Hugh.
"And all the paychecks were bouncing
Haaaaa ha ha ha ha haaaaaa"
Oh, some of *them* are singing too. Admittedly, it's a somewhat more depressing song, but as long as their singing brings Murdoch down, I ain't complaining.
I just hope there's some American cops (and newspapers) who are non-stupid enough to realize that there's a good chance his media over here were doing the exact same thing and start investigating.
You mean wire tapping is illegal here?
Only by private parties. But, as David Byrne advised, "Don't Worry About the Government."
I imagine the Legal Attache at the American embassy in London has a call into the Met right now to find out if any US papers, celebrities or phone numbers are showing up in the evidence.
Murdock should open a Chinese laundry, he's so good at folding….
Dear Kocks
See, the request for the donation was so that we could make a big deal of then publicly refusing it. It's like the popular girls who pretend they're letting the loser girl join their group so they can turn on her more effectively when she lets her guard down. So there. I guess we showed you.
Girls play games so subtile the boys don't even know there is a game on.
I just thought Patty, the Senator in tennis shoes, never bothered to look at the name attached to the number she was dialing, and thereby allowed the Koch's to make her, and the Party, look like hacks.
How dumb am I?
Donor gave last year, donor can give this year. Who can explain it?
Chutzpah.
Can you really fault Patty Murray for asking for money from someone who gave the Democrats money last year, even while they were demonizing them as socialists and abortionists and devil worshipers and the like? Considering the way the Kochs treated the Democrats in the past, while they were giving the Democrats money, you can hardly blame them for thinking they might get money from them again, kind of like how a kicked dog will still go to its master, thinking he'll get fed again. He usually will.
Something is up, though.
In the past, corporate dickmutants would donate to both parties "just in case." I think with Citizens United, they know they don't have to worry about any of these "insurance" donations anymore.
AKA we're so fucked.
Big deal. I take money off people I hate every day at work.
Amen brother!
Me, too. I work in the public sector. Fuck-o off, taxpayers!
We have a surcharge for people we hate.
I call it the "PITA" fee. Pain In The Ass.
For you, an extra 20% and you'll like it!
Sounds like Dale's buying Jimmy John's sandwichs for the whole team!
…and you provide a good or a service for it. What, I wonder, was Patty offering in return?
Demo group sexytime in South Carolina!
I know the Kochs would feel comfortable there. Now that I think about it, they prolly would. Everybody would be sucking up to them for money, just business as usual.
If they wanted to, couldn't they just buy the fucking place?
Yes, I own a business and take money from people I am indifferent too very often. I kind of thought it was part of the whole "being an adult" thing.
….wake up sheeple ?
Wasn't Murray the target of some death threats from the Tea Party not too long ago?
Politics makes strange bedfellows. Or, it just plain makes strange.
O/T but in the Tea Bagger theme, heard an interview on NPR with a Tea Bagger Congressman that parroted the meme that the American people will not stand for a tax increase.
Where do these people get their information?
From the same orifice that they use to shit. Why do you ask?
Shorter Phillip Ellender: WTF?
Does anyone really want money from the Koch brothers? If they bought me a beer at a bar I'd pour it down the drain
ps yes, I know
If they bought me some TruckNutz I'd put them in a blender.
The Nutz, that is.
Oh, c'mon, Sharkey! You'd do the world a much bigger favour if you put the Kochs in a blender.
And for a relatively measly 30 freakin' grand, which they got slapped down for, they now have kochtorum all over their faces.
Sick, sad and wrong.
Honey, I am le poor. If a rich, elderly gentleman asked to spend a night with me in exchange for a million of his delicious whore diamonds, it'd be downright rude AND stupid to turn him down, wouldn't it?
I understand entirely!
They'd be trying to roofie you, for sure.
In answer to your question, Psyc, DEMOCRATS!
Fuck that! That's a perfectly good waste of a beer. I'd pour it on one of the Kochwhores.
I too also take extreme umbrage at the DSCC, the nerve to ask the Gazillionaires for only a five-figure contribution when they get seven-figure subsidies from the same government. Cheap whores.
I welcome the new tag "everybody just go move to Canada" to our Wonkette.
How about Belize? I kind of like the ocean, especially the parts where it's warm enough to go swimming…
~
Plus they speak English there. Just don't refer to Belize as an island – they hate that.
They hate "British Honduras" even more.
Maybe New Zealand? They're far enough from anything else that people will likely survive the nuclear war that will inevitably start fifteen minutes after President Bachmann's inauguration; and we can find some way to deal with all the Orcs.
"They're far enough from anything else that people will likely survive the nuclear war"
Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, and Fred Astaire disagree (although that was Australia).
New Zealand is a bit earthquake-prone and overrun with sheep. The former means those of us from the west coast are going to be more comfortable there, although the latter may make the residents of Montana and Wyoming excited enough not to notice all the shaking.
The lazy ones from Montana and Wyoming will welcome the shaking.
WAY too many earthquakes.
Guyana is more than OK, I'm told.
Public financing of campaigns, spending limits, and 4-5 more political parties would go a long way toward making this country a better place to live.
If the majority of those in power or authority were actually interested in making this country a better place to live, I would not be asking you what color unicorn you prefer.
I see Wonkette has become a site where you can write down your fantasies.
Letters to GetBenthouse.
Bet the little fucker wouldn't be so shitty if we scrapped the Sub S status that protects his bosses from having to pay taxes. Wish Ellender would change his first name to "William," shorten it to"Will," then write his Last Testament, and finally Execute a Will.
Preferably without the blindfold or final cigarette, because cigartettes will kill you!
Democrat$.
What do they expect 30k only makes you a silver level donor. If they move up to Platinum status they would get burning effigies as well signed parchment certifying them as Nazi shitsticks.
Once a whore, you're nothing more.
….now we're just negotiating a price.
Spread your legs for money, you're a whore forever.
Spread your legs for wine coolers, you're an author.
spread your legs for free…..and you're everybody else.
Photo needz moar sandwich protestors
Politician v Prostitute?
The prostitute provides a service.
Yeah. I wrote my congress person and asked for a blow job. I was told that I hadn't contributed enough in the past 12 months but that if I wanted to leave my credit card numbers with him he would get back to me in a week. Bastard hasn't called…
There was some big public opinion survey in China a year or do ago. Most thought prostitutes more honest and reliable than politicians.
Chinese prostitutes are! Did you ever read Lao She's "Rickshaw"?
I get all my opinions about the world from books.
>
I would say this will hurt the reelection chances of Democrats, what with the hypocrisy and all, but that would require the general public to actually know anything about this story. At all.
Sounds to me like the Dems went with the philosophy behind that old, time-saving pickup line, "Wanna fuck?" Sure, you get shot down most of the time, but you never know…
Republicans are trying to “force through their extreme agenda faster than you can say ‘Koch Brothers.
You said it, Phillip.
That alt-text is WINNING, Kirsten.
While unseemly it does appear to be bad management on the part of the Koch's, if per chance the democrats win they remember this go eff yourself letter when it comes to legislation that affects the Kochs. Happy days if that happens.
Sadly, fundraising dictates that dirty fund holes never close or sleep, lest they miss a penny.
That would require them having the balls to exact such retribution.
Exactly what I was going to point out.
Although, the democrats are giant pussies, they are politicians and when you mess with their cash they won't forget.
In Murray's defense, at this point the Koch Brothers are more likely to donate to the DSCC than are Democrats: http://front.moveon.org/a-facebook-status-obama-n...
I can't wait to donate some money so Ben Nelson can get reelected.
Doesn't matter. With your money, without your money, Wario is going to win.
I'MMA GONNA WIN.
Maybe now the Dems can finally get on with the business of regulating some of the crap Koch Industries does.
Oh, who am I kidding: They'll spend the rest of this legislative session pandering to them now, hoping to get this piddly $30K back.
Is Nader running again?
Never tried it, but we talked about it a lot in my misspent youth. I think it's more apocryphal than anything else. If I recall, there was a character in the original M*A*S*H book called Me-Lay Marston, who would accost women with the line "Me-Lay, You-Lay?" I think Hawkeye said it only worked now and then, but saved him a lot of time and money.
You are correct. I believe he was an anesthesiologist. I regret loaning my copy of that finest kind work of prose to a chick who never returned it.
And the Dems are surprised they got Kochblocked? I'm sure Patty would put on some nice pink lipstick and deep throat the Koch's for that $30K….after all, it's fundraising amiright?
Maybe she ought to send the Koch's that photo of Kortney and say "$30K – wink wink…"
This gives me an idea. Do you think Breitbutt would agree to a partnership with wonkette? Let's all go over to his BigDouchebag sites and ask.
30,000$
Well, this settles it: both sides do it. They're equally beholden to the Kochs.
/politifack'd
I'm not a democrat…I'm a liberal. Democrats go to meetings.
This Country is doomed.
I was saying that years ago and everyone told me I was just bitter. We were both right.
Sadly.
Confucius say, those who lay down with plutocrats wake up with shame.
I'm sorry, but how fucking stupid can we be? How about a modicum of situational awareness for once. Goddammit, being a democrat is like dating a fat girl sometimes…
Ok, now I feel a little better.
Please explain how being a democrat is like dating a fat girl.
They're both more fun, both more genuine and both try harder to please.
But, they also both have self esteem issues that trip them up. Every fucking time.
Are we talking gravitational pull, wedged in the Taco Bell doorway fatness, or Rubenesque? 'Cause some of us like our democracy soft around the edges.
I like teh laydeez who are squeezable.
Sometimes (most times?) being a Democrat is like being a cheerleader for Charlie Brown while Lucy holds the football.
I understand the righteous indignation, however, as my spouse says, if we only do business with businesses that practice the highest of ethics, we'll be grubbing for our own roots and berries and fashioning our own clothes out of whatever, and so on.
–this message sent via Comcast
Your spouse has my admiration for his/her blunt but accurate assessment of the situation.
This is the one company that they didn't have to go to. It's not like they are that desperate, and in a case like that, there is actually room for dignity and self-respect. The only excuse for this is a dumb mistake/oversight.
An absolutely no win situation for the Dems. Kochsuckers have all the money, Dems come on their knees as supplicants like Henry IV at Canossa, and as one would predict the Kochsuckers tell Murray to go fuck herself while the Republican slaves of the Kochsuckers just laugh and giggle like school kids in a group where one of the outsider kids just farted. No hope and change here. Just move on…to Belize or Costa Rica or New Zealand.
Someone once used that on me at a bar, the full line was "Wanna fuck? Would you mind laying down while I have one?"
And?
That was one of the times I actually said "No".
My delivery is a lot smoother now, Lizzy…
Another good line used on me was by a large Texan who said "You know what would look good on you….me."
Except they never do, really. Unless, of course, you skin them first and disinfect the skin.
OT, but of importance to Wonketteers…
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/07/08/bachmann-pl...
She can take my porn when she pries it from my cold, dead, freakishly strong right hand.
Got a right forearm that looks like Popeye's.
Uh oh. She's done.
Yes, thank you for posting. This pledge is the single most awesome thing I've ever read. Full stop.
Bachmann the iconic twatwaffle archetype.
Well there goes her chances of getting 95% of the male vote in the US and an undetermined proportion of the female vote.
I guess she's planning on amending the 1st Amendment?
"Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President," the document said.
Until the child was eight years old and sold to a Plantation owning pederast.
If this is what Bachmann, running second in the head (but brainless) count of people who will vote for a republican, considers her platform; she has passed humorous, took a quick turn around ridiculous and slid head first into dangerous.
Bachmann believes that Americans should only fap to hideous old right-wing hags who wingnuts pretend are attractive because they share the same political beliefs.
Government small enough to catch you touching yourself.
Oops. She just lost the entire state of Utah with that one . . . and every voting male (and probably more than a few voting women). Hopefully next she'll pledge to ban premarital sex and that dangerous rock and roll music.
[Edit: I just read your link and have to ask -- How the fuck is same-sex marriage like polygamy? They might as well say same-sex marriage is like a flourless cake (yes, I know, delicious), or a rusty hamster wheel. Is opposite-sex marriage like polyamory and rainbows?]
One L may want to double check but I'm pretty sure that infanticide is already banned. But, I love the implication that african americans were better off under slavery. That will go over big.
REALLY dumb move on her part. The only reason 99% of her supporters support her is because they like to fap to her and are still holding out hope for that bikini mud-wrestling show with her and Palin.
No, they're hypocritical enough to vote for her, then go look at japangirl.com .
Oh my lord, I actually read the thing.
"As a part of the pledge, Bachmann promised to ban 'all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.'
The Minnesota Republican also agreed that Sharia law is a 'form of totalitarian control.'"
Can't.Stop.Laughing.
Heard about this Pledge last night that The Family Leader was going to ask the candidates to sign.
These people are seriously considering trying to advance the idea of making divorce illegal in the U.S.
It never once occurred to me that Lisa Ann would be working well into the 21st century thanks to GOP candidates.
Let's face it Ll – with that statement, she just lost the vote of every man in this nation (OK, maybe except two); and the entire LGBTQ contingent, not that that makes a heckuva lot of difference to her.
And a large percentage of the African American vote as well, I would hope. Not that she had much to begin with. She just peed in her chips.
can i haz money?
Yes, that's worked, although I was slightly acquainted with the lady (we had met and chatted once before), and what I said was closer to "Wanna come back to my place and have sex?" and that was after about an hour of actual conversation. But I would never use that as a starter on a complete stranger.
Upfist for saying it in a rather sweet way!
I just remembered what inspired me to try that — I had been reading Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman at the time, about the physicist Richard Feynman, and he had recounted an occasion when he was a poor lonely college student and asked some lothario friend of his what his trick was for getting laid, and he said, "Just be very straightforward and ask." So Feynman tried it one evening on a date, and it worked. I figured if being up front about wanting a little action got a geeky physics student laid, it was worth a try.
I would have said “Yes, please”.
So polite and well-mannered, this Lizzie is.
He was probably talking to other lonely geeky grad students.
I agree, but politeness doesn't even always work. I had a friend whose father was a printer and he ran us off some calling cards that said, "Pardon me, but do you ball?". I never had the balls (sorry) to use the card myself, but another friend of mine used mine at a Beach Boys concert. He got turned down, fortunately for him, because she looked like she was about 13.
Huh. I thought guys like the Kochs liked it when women they despise beg for it. Has… has all that internet pron been wrong all this time?
Hey, the Republicans call the Democrats communists, America-hating, big-government-loving liberal atheists who keep poor people ensnsared in a culture of dependency, undermine our foreign policy, destroy our values, kill babies and burn the flag — and then whine about how they're being shut out of any legislative efforts. But that's probably completely different.
Koch Bros just let the contribution slip because they have such fond memories of Donor Pass.
Wanna be a politician, get your tin cup out.
Democrats: That took balls to ask for Kock-money. Thank you for showing some. No matter how FAIL it was bound to turn out.
I've only tried it maybe three times, but it did work once. 33.3% isn't that bad, unless you consider that I made the mistake of still being there in the morning and it took 3 years and a marriage to someone else to get her to let go, then another 20 years to convince her that it's truly over. She hasn't called or written in the last few days, so I think she has moved on. Yeah, I didn't try the line again after that.
Did she look like Glenn Close?
No, that would have been the friend she was with that night. In my defense, all I could tell was that they appeared to be female and were friendly to me in my overly-drunk state. I mainly remember asking for sex, waking up naked a little while later in a state park with her on top, then being in my own bed the next morning with her next to me. While the drunk bit was something I did a little too much, the going home with what would turn out to be an enthusiastic bundle of crazy was not.
I think I must have been with a sister or close relative of your great flame there.
Batting .300 will get you a 250 million, ten year contract. Especially if you hit for power.
Hitting for power CRAZY, unfortunately, gets you much less.
Interesting, very interesting
That is an outcome I had not considered.
It does not, however, even if I were single, make me want to try the line.
If I find myself single again, or if the wife and I find a single woman we both are interested in again, I'm still staying away from that line as well. "What's the longest you've ever stalked an ex-boyfriend, one night stand or guy who bumped up against you in the line at Starbuck's?" I might try, however. Followed by several days of more in-depth questioning and background research.
Yes, but not as the first thing I would say to someone. And politeness matters.
I don't see why Koch Industries is unhappy. Didn't the Democrats do everything they wanted? I'd say that's one hell of a return on investment from last cycle's donations.
"Stickers and stoners may break our Koch boners but words will always make us squirt Santorum."
I officially give up on the Democrats. I want change and they need the corporate money too much to challenge the status quo. If I ever see the Koch brothers in a limo, I'm going to throw a milkshake at them. At this point, it looks like the closest shot at justice we'll ever get.
I'm gonna go ahead and pretend it's noon already so I can start drinking…
Okay folks….I'm pretty sure unless I heard the voice mail that she didn't specifically call the Koch brother because they are the Koch brothers but instead because they contributed. Notice how it says "want to RENEW your contribution?" this is probably just some generic phone call that the Koch suckers are turning into a BIG THING because after all, they're the Koch suckers. Until I hear the voice mail saying "all hail the Koch brothers!" (the GOP call to them) I'm just going to assume it's a list w/phone numbers and a script…even the whole "if you give enough you'll be invited blah, blah, blah" sounds generic. It's not even an issue…Koch industries gave all of 30k to the DSCC last year while pumping in millions and millions and millions to the teabag party. Until I hear the voice mail or read what she actually said (if she called them by name, for instance) I'm just going to assume this was a generic voice mail and as usual the Kochs are scumbags. Oh…and I've done fundraising, which is why it all seems generic to me.
Wait….the Kochs donated to Democrats?
Not wrapping my head around this at all…
Oil companies do the same thing. Donate to Democrats, donate several times more to Republicans so they can say they are not playing favorites.
They probably donate to everyone except the Communist Party USA.
There is a list of those individuals or organizations that are so foul the Democrats won't ask them for money.
But they lost it and have had to substitute a blank sheet of paper.
Yes. It's always worked for me, but then again, I tend to get indiscriminate after the third drink.
Amateur hour at the DSCC. Really, how embarrassing is this, being lectured by a Kochbot?
EDIT: Looks like a mistake, which only makes it slightly better. So they are incomptent instead of duplicitous. How comforting. **as my eyes roll so far into the back of my head you'd think you were on the set of a horror movie**
well at least the riposte was worthy and puts me in mind of touchstone:
Upon a lie seven times removed as thus, sir:
I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word,
if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the
mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous.
If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he
would send me word, he cut it to please himself:
this is called the Quip Modest. If again 'it was
not well cut,' he disabled my judgment: this is
called the Reply Churlish. If again 'it was not
well cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this
is called the Reproof Valiant. If again 'it was not
well cut,' he would say I lied: this is called the
Counter-cheque Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie
Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we
measured swords and parted.
From the look of him, Philip Ellender seems like a nice, sweet boy, just like the ones all the neighbors say, were so quiet and sweet before they turned…
At one point (can't find a clip, sadly) he referred to the Prime Minister as 'Murdoch's little helper' on live TV.
Such cheek to upbraid the Etonian dandy on the television feed of the Commons. Why, the PM needed not present himself to the plebes this way; it was out of the goodness of his soul he deigned to speak directly to the riff-raff.
Let this be a lesson to all politicos: opacity is the way to go.
The rich never do anything that won't turn a profit for them, and soon. And these two old farts probably mean "imminently" when they say soon, as they're (fortunately) not long for this realm. I hope.
You betcha!
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