may we please have our baseball uniforms now?Hooray, we have a winner: this week’s “Most Giantest Bag of Rat Feces Award” goes to Ward 5 D.C. Councilmember Harry Thomas Jr., who is being investigated by the D.C. attorney general for opening an inner city youth sports charity and then promptly using some of the money to treat himself to several thousand dollars’ worth of golf club outings, sports equipment, Bed Bath & Beyond shopping trips (?) and… uh, dinner at Hooters, just to make it worse.

“Stealing money from children” has always been one of our favorite offenses, because it is just all so Dickensian, which is a word nobody even knows anymore because Twitter banned the use of correctly-spelled words longer than seven letters, but it means you steal grimy coins and mildewed loaves of bread from the hands of orphans to flush down the toilet while the kiddies are forced to watch but not allowed to cry. Seriously, who is this guy?

The Loose Lips blog at Washington City Paper reports:

What do a $143.71 tab at Hooters, an $84.74 bill at Bed Bath & Beyond, and a $350 payment to a Maryland-based animal trapper have in common?

They’re all charges made during a one-week span in October 2009 on the debit card belonging to Team Thomas, the nonprofit then run by Ward 5 Councilmember Harry Thomas Jr. that was supposed to help introduce the District’s youth to golf, baseball, softball, and tennis.

And they’re also expenses that you, if you’re a District taxpayer, might have helped pay for, says Attorney General Irv Nathan.

It’s not just a tasteless restaurant tab, household items, and pest control services from Bowie that seemingly have nothing to do with youth sports and may have been purchased on the public’s dime. Bank records obtained by LL through a Freedom of Information Act request show dozens of unusual expenses on Team Thomas’ debit card from 2007 to 2009, including about $7,500 at golf courses around the country, more than $10,000 worth of golf equipment, and around $5,000 on hotels.

Yep, that all sounds about right.  [Washington City Paper]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    "$143.71 tab at Hooters"
    Did he at least tip well?

    • That's a lot of bad fried food, isn't it? Kind of disappointing.

      The nation's capital should show a little more taste in spending grifted gains.

      • Arken

        The one time I ever went to a Hooters, I ordered a chicken patty sandwich because I thought, "how can they possibly make a bad chicken sandwich?" I found out.

        • Same experience, ordered the grilled one and it tasted like it had been marinated for a week in orphanage-grade chicken broth.

        • a_pink_poodle

          I don't think regulars go to a Hooters restaurant for the food.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Funniest thing is, they offer call ahead take out. So you don't get to ogle anyone, you still are stuck with crappy food – and it is all packaged in bright orange Hooters labeled containers, so people still think you're a perv.

            Never got that – or why anyone would let their pre-teen kids go there – but I've seen both.

          • Arken

            I have no idea why anyone goes to Hooters. If they want to see women in the buff or near-buff, there are strip clubs for that.

        • Bezoar

          The Department of Surgery at a major midwestern university medical center holds weekly research seminars, where attendance is encouraged by the provision of free lunch, usually catered by a Chinese, Mexican, or Italian restaurant. Once they had Hooters cater it (I still can't figure out what they were thinking). Never was a reserch seminar so well attended. So many eager young residents and interns eagerly awaiting lunch delivery. So much disappointment when some old,scraggly, seemingly homeless guy showed up with the food, LATE!. Then we had to eat the food, and sit through a lecture by a pissed-off scientist. Ha.

      • themcwow

        Hooters sounds only a little better than a craft service table at a porn shoot.

        • iburl

          Hold the special sauce.

    • NotYerGaryBusey

      Would Ben's Chili Bowl have been better?

      • OneDollarJuana

        Olde Country Buffet. Best bang for your buck. The gift that keeps on giving. Giving you heartburn and diarrhea.

    • johnnymeatworth

      He'd better have, considering the waitress told him it was dead until he got there.

    • PristineODummy

      Depends on what you mean by "tip."

    • flamingpdog

      The only time I've ever stepped into a Hooters in my life was to buy a shirt for a female friend. He was prolly buying similar trinkets for his "loved ones".

    • Negropolis

      I bet he left more than a tip. He probably gave them the (whole) shaft.

  • nounverb911

    "Councilmember Harry Thomas Jr. "
    How much did he spend on his pubic hair collection? Oops, sorry wrong Thomas.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, wow — you are going to get an angry phone call in nineteen years.

  • Lucidamente1

    Figures he's a Democrat. A Republican would've spent a whole lot more and not resigned.

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      A repuglican would have spent it on rent boys.

      • tessiee

        So, if the charge shows up as "Bob's Big Boy", that's not the restaurant with the kid in overalls?

    • Doktor Zoom

      A Republican would have let a defense contractor pay for all of it and then assfucked* some of the children.

      *With ballots, of course

      • Ballots being the rightwing code word for penii that are the shape, smell and texture of snausages.

    • PristineODummy

      What? No!! A Republican would have sponsored legislation to make it OK for him to do this. Didn't you read about James Inhofe's latest effort in that direction?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      A Republican would have killed the fucking program. In utero.

      • flamingpdog

        Wait, you're telling me programs aren't people?

        • tessiee

          People aren't even people.
          Only corporations and feti are people.

  • SexySmurf

    The bitch set him up.

  • nounverb911

    "Most Giantest Bag of Rat Feces Award"
    Eric Cantor is jealous he didn't win it again this week.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Rupert Murdoch was robbed.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Pshaw–what else, after all, are Lifetime Achievement awards for?

    • Barrelhse

      Eric hasn't quite finished the first one yet, but he should be ready next week.

  • metamarcisf

    This sounds like the plot of that lost episode of The Office, involving Michael, Dwight and the search for that elusive "hot girl"

    • jjdaddyo

      how does one go about getting a -95 rating anyway?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Go to the BrightFart site and post some facts.
        (Or post a juvenile racist joke for an instant 200 upfists.)

      • Beowoof

        Make rational comments over at

  • Wilcoxyz

    He would have spent it on crack, but the dealers don't take debit cards. And he knew to be careful after that bitch set up Marion Barry.

  • Sounds more like Team Titleist rather than Team Thomas.

    It seems to me the most appropriate way Washington DC taxpayers should get reparations is for everyone in Thomas' district to each take one hard swing at his balls with a 9 Iron.

    As for Hooters… well… I never understand why some folks consider it a famibly restaurant and their wings suck.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Hey, these balls say Tit on them.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      take one hard swing at his balls with a 9 Iron.

      I think I'd go with the sand wedge here. Heavier and better loft.


      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Get him to lie down and have at 'em with the driver, I say.

        That'd introduce impoverished children to golf in a fun, inclusive manner.

      • Beowoof

        No way a Big Bertha is my club of choice.

  • BarackMyWorld

    *Reads headline*

    Pfft….silly Wonkette….poor kids don't have any money!

    • Swampgas_Man

      Even sillier– these days, TAXPAYERS don't have any money.

      • Beowoof

        Those who don't pay taxes have it all.

  • SayItWithWookies

    An animal trapper? I'm assuming his snake got loose and he needed help catching it, right?

    • Buckminster

      I'd like something a bit more intimate of his to get caught in a trap. Douchebag.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Perhaps he saw a ferret in the mirror.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It was a mink, dammit!

        • Beowoof

          Maybe Pepe LePew is the image in his mirror.

      • Angry_Marmot

        Also, let's not forget– let's not forget, Dude– that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city– that ain't legal either.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I thought it was a marmot.

    • PristineODummy

      His trouser-snake, yeah.

    • tessiee

      "I'm assuming his snake got loose and he needed help catching it, right?"
      *poorly suppressed snicker through nose*
      That's ONE way of putting it!

  • OkieDokieDog

    Those kids didn't need that sports equipment. American kids are supposed to be fat and lazy, so he did them a favor. He is a true Patriot.

  • rambone

    Not to nitpick, but is it really consider stealing from children if the charity was set up solely as a front to channel bribe-money to said councilman?

    I learned everything I needed to know about the legislative process from The Wire. Certainly seems more accurate than that Schoolhouse Rock bullshit.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Hell, the first three minutes of the entire series pretty much achieved that goal.

      "This is America, man."

    • LowProfileinGA

      "I learned everything I needed to know about the legislative process from Wonkette."

      • Doktor Zoom

        OK, now you're starting to scare me.

  • Next time, Harry, start a PAC, not a charity.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Well, it's not like he wants to raise taxes 3% on billionaires or something.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Maryland-based animal trapper" – now that's a euphemism I haven't heard before.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      That's what the Maryland attorney general is called when he goes after corrupt politicians. I don't know what the bag limit is but he's one busy SOB, especially if he has a license to work in DC.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Has the 2011-2012 season opened already? I thought only the bow hunters were out at this time of year.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Beavers are our specialty.

  • edgydrifter

    Those kids may not have gotten to play baseball, but I think they learned a little something about America's true national pastime. The more you know…

  • LiveToServeYa

    To be fair, 'Dickensian' means more than that, but the man certainly puts the 'Dick' in it.

  • Rotundo_

    At least he didn't bugger any children that we know of, and if he was a republican, the golf stuff would have been written as "team property" and the greens fees as research fees and the Bed Bath and Beyond tab could have been itemized as "towels, the kids gotta clean up afterwards don't they? The hooters tab- a dinner strategy meeting. It wouldn't have raised so much as an eyebrow.

  • Buckminster

    Yeah, why spend money on poor children when you can be stuffing your face, pampering your skin, playing golf with rich guys and ogling underpaid, underdressed waitresses?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    grifty douchebage doesn't even have any imagination. Hooters? Golf? Shit, at least drive around drunk with a stripper half your age.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Dems just don't have that kind of imagination.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Wilbur Mills! thou should'st be living at this hour: Washington hath need of thee!

  • Dudleydidwrong

    I hope that Harry Thomas Jr gets sentenced to, among other things, serving as one of the Ts for T-ball games. Harry, you're a dick wipe.

  • elviouslyqueer

    There's also this:

    Thomas secretly took a $400,000 earmark for “youth baseball” and spent it mostly on himself, including the purchase of a $69,149.60 Audi SUV.

    Oh silly grifter, a friggin' Audi? You could've at least gotten a Mercedes for that amount of coin. GO BIG OR GO HOME.

    • flamingpdog

      Don't bring Levi's sister into this!

      Oh, it's got an "s".

    • Lascauxcaveman

      These days, Audi is considered on par with the other mid-luxury brands, Cadillac, Mercedes, Jaguar and BMW. It's not so much about the relative status of each brand, but the more narrowly targeted message you send about yourself.

      Cadillac – I have too much money and I'm a pimp.
      Mercedes – I have too much money and I'm a European pimp.
      BMW – I have too much money and I drive like an asshole 100% of the time.
      Jaguar – I have too much money and I'm a masochistic pimp.
      Audi – I have too much money, but slightly subtler tastes than those other pimps.

      Oh, and I forgot Lincoln drivers:

      Lincoln – I am an elderly woman.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Aston-Martin – I have too much money, period.

      • emmelemm

        That's pretty on-point analysis. (Seriously.)

      • Barrelhse

        Jaguar- this is a rental.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Hey! I drive a merce…. oh wait. I'm European.

        Never mind.

        punches self in balls

        • Lascauxcaveman

          And really, those statements I listed above only apply to late-model cars. If you're driving a 1970 Mercedes (or similar vintage) or BMW for example, you're actually pretty awesome. If you're driving a 1970 Jag (or similar vintage), you are (or know) a good mechanic.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            If you're driving a Jaguar, you've got a tail light out.

      • mayor_quimby

        That is an extremely accurate profile of drivers, especially for a Caveman.
        Me, I drive a high performance japanese coupe, but not one of the ricey ones. any thoughts?
        And I should add:
        Audi – I am a pimp that beats his whores severely. And they appreciate the discipline!

      • Negropolis


        Except for Lincoln, I'd say:

        Lincoln – They still make those?

        BTW, I must be the only 20-something I know that actually likes modern Buicks.

        • BarryOPotter

          Not if you live in Beijing!

      • Doktor Zoom

        I drive a 1973 Impala named Vlad. The message it sends is that I apparently haven't noticed that gas no longer costs 43 cents a gallon.

        Of course, now that it's gone from 3.98 to 3.62, I've decided it's time to put that Edelbrock carburetor in.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Restored a 1965 Impala sport coupe while I was in college. Gussied it up with the SS trim, slapped a modified 427 w/4-speed in it, sumbitch would pass everything on the highway except a filling station. I love them big old cars. "It's got a bench seat, baby."

        • tessiee

          "Impala named Vlad"

          Freaking awesome.

      • tessiee

        There's a subset of Cadillac drivers that comprises cigar-smoking Guidos with pinky rings. The really fat ones drive Escalades.

  • Left_Leftie

    Dude had to see every golf course in the country if he was gonna teach it to the kiddies. Right?

  • WhatTheHeck

    Jesus, Wonket. Next you're gonna tell me politicians shouldn’t be making any money on the side. Or take bribes. Or…

  • Doktor Zoom

    Wow–talk about good timing! I hear CNN is looking for a new anchor!

  • hagajim

    It’s not just a tasteless restaurant tab – Tasteless? I thought Hooters was Hawt cuisine nowadays.

    • The fries were so salty when I ate there that they burned my tongue.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I'm in favor of the government using spending on public works to spur employment, and I also think that such spending will expand economic growth in the long term, even if it results in short-term deficits. Thing is, I advocate these policies in a really abrasive, overbearing manner that utterly disregards the personal boundaries of anyone I'm talking to.

    So, yeah, I'm kind of a Dick Keynesian.

    • BarryOPotter

      I feel your pain. It's just so frustrating that this shit isn't OBVI-FUCKING-OUS! Sorry, I get shouty when I'm going for economic disciplinarian…

  • V572 [SSAN]

    The worst crime here is patronizing merchants in Bowie.

    • Limeylizzie

      I was more disturbed by the purchases at Bath and Body Works, that is a foul and malodorous emporium of crap.

      • V572 [SSAN]

        Mmmm: lotions'n'potions!

      • mayor_quimby

        But you can't find 1 million thread count satin sheets anywhere else. How am I to appease my girlfriends without them?

      • tessiee

        It was Bed, Bath, and Beyond, which is towels and schmancy placemats and stuff.
        Bath and Body works is the one that sells soap that makes you smell like a papaya.
        The Body Shop is that nice hippie store that sells soap that raises the self-esteem of the Rain Forest.

        • Limeylizzie

          Right you are, I also loathe Bed, Bath and Beyond, overpriced linens and ridiculous bath accoutrements. The Body Shop is good , however.

    • finallyhappy

      Really- he stole the money from DC- spend it in DC! They have Hooters and Bed, Bath and Beyond at Gallery Place now. And there are plenty of "animal-trappers" in DC

      • V572 [SSAN]

        Embezzle locally, spend locally!

  • Callyson

    nonprofit then run by Ward 5 Councilmember Harry Thomas Jr. that was supposed to help introduce the District’s youth to golf, baseball, softball, and tennis
    Oh, but it did: now the kids understand how professional athletes piss their money away (BB&B being explainable,perhaps, by a picky bed partner who wanted a specific brand of sheets for those sexytimes.) Valuable life lesson.

    • Barrelhse

      And just which White people do ya think would let a bunch of "them" near their tennis courts? This program never had a prayer, anyway.

  • geez, relax people. how is he supposed to teach kids how to golf if he doesn't have top-of-the-line golf equipment, play rounds at some of the most luxurious courses on the eastern seaboard, and pay a professional to trap the rats that keep pooping in his golf shoes?

    • PristineODummy

      Those aren't rats, inape.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Not any more…

        • PristineODummy

          Oh, you were there too, huh? Next time bring TP, dude.

  • SorosBot

    He spent the money at Hooters? Pfft, how tame; lesbian bondage strip clubs or GTFO.

  • sati_demise

    Fuck this fucking fucker.

    that is all. eat shit and die, scumbag.

    • Barrelhse

      And fuck his dog. He does.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Hey, do they serve gruel at Hooters?

    • Mapmonger

      Hell, if they did, it'd be an improvement on the crappy frozen fried food they serve.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Please, sir, can I have More Than A Mouthful®?

      • BarackMyWorld

        (As seen on Fox and Friends.)

        • Radiotherapy®

          That was audio-visual gruel.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Food Deep-fried crap, Glorious food deep-fried crap!

    • PristineODummy

      What? No! That would just encourage an influx of Teh Poorz.

  • DaRooster

    Dear Mr. Thomas,
    Call me when you decide to go big time.
    Newt Gingrich

  • He should have used the donations to take his family on a bus tour.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Golf: The Sport of Marxists.

  • The golf bills could be explained by how he defines youth.

  • crybabyboehner

    City councilmen have needs too, you know.

    • Oinkie boinkie?

      • Negropolis

        Which is the English translation of the Italian "Bunga Bunga".

  • flamingpdog

    "Team Thomas collected about $80,000 from corporate donors with promises of using the money to teach kids about swing sports."

    Swing sports? Isn't that what helped pave Barry's path to the White House?

  • MinAgain

    I wonder if he'll ask the club golf pro to stand supportively by him when he gives his mea culpa speech.

  • mormos

    what is it about politics that attracts the absolute scum of the earth?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And why is this story not originating in Florida?

    • Limeylizzie

      Lobbyist pussy?

  • pinkocommi

    If you are going to spend a nonprofit's money on the sexual exploitation of women, then go all out on a lesbian bondage strip club like Michael Steele. Hooters is so lame, it's like you're not even trying.

  • genxr

    He payed $350 to have Bill Murray set animal-shaped plastic explosives around the golf course?

    • trondant

      At least he has that going for him.

  • fuflans

    i think this is a little harsh. he's just reflecting the american zeitgeist: pull yourself up by your bootstraps, let wealth trickle down and to those in power / with money all things will be given.

  • Tobacky

    What the slippery fuck does one pay an 'animal trapper' for? To make coonskin hats for him to trade for bonnets and salted meats? I'm so confused.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Hey kids! Get hold of your benefactor's clubs. Say, a 3-Iron. Take a few swings at his Mercedes. Then one to his noggin. In golf-speak, that's known as a ‘Stinger.’

  • ttommyunger

    The Cloak Rooms in both Houses of Congress are alive with the derisive hoots and guffaws of our esteemed Congressmen and Senators snorting one thought in unison: "PIKER".

  • Come here a minute

    If this charity gets shut down, the City Paper's Loose Lips will be responsible for preventing DC from creating the next Tiger Woods. (I'm not talking about the golf equipment and expenses — I'm talking about the Hooters tab, obviously.)

  • rocktonsam

    who gives a crap about kids anyway?

    certainly elected officials and juries don't.


    • rocktonsam

      and Nanzi Graze also!!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I think we found a new job for Michael Steele.

    • The new Steele Curtain?

  • Terry

    $350 for an animal trapper? This is DC. The worst he could have been vexed with is a possum, raccoon, or a harmless rat snake. The worst would be if he called a trapper to get a pigeon or sparrow out of his living room.

    • What about a lobbyist nesting in the crawl space?

    • flamingpdog

      What about a Republican congressperson hiding in his closet?

  • Gopherit

    It warms my heart to see something as quaint as basic graft coming back into politics.

  • Tommmcattt

    Not to get too far off thread, but where is the Gimp lately? I see no random downfisting.

  • x111e7thst

    Hooters and golf stuff? What a waste of good money that could have been spent on crack and crack-whores.

  • user-of-owls

    $143.71 tab at Hooters

    Harry loves big tips.

    • Negropolis

      Two big honkin' tips.

  • alaninthecastro

    Dude read the instruction manual wrong. The $143 was supposed to go to hookers, not hooters.

  • You can't spell Dickensian without Dick.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Wow, that cute "penis-breath" kid from that E.T. movie really turned out to be a dick.

  • jus_wonderin

    "How do we blame this on the kids?"

  • thefrontpage

    The D.C. government is just one long-running corrupt, criminal, unethical and laughable exercise in corruption and stupidity, over and over and over and over again.

Previous articleAtlanta Teachers Save Newspaper Industry With Valiant Cheating Effort
Next articleBarack Obama Sr. Wanted to Drop His Kid Off at the Salvation Army