Southern California County Supervisor Decides It’s Time to Secede

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

“Divided we win” or whatever: Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone is tired of all of California’s terrible unsolvable debt problems, welfare queens, crappy public schools and those annoying “greenhouse gas regulations” keeping everyone in Los Angeles alive. So he proposes to partition California into Northern and Southern, with LA officially joining Northern California because of all its libruls and poors. Stone wants Riverside, San Diego and Orange County to break off and form their own SoCal state of angry white olds:

Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone said he wants to ask about a dozen counties to split from California and form a new state with a balanced budget, secure borders, effective schools and a vibrant economy.

Stone’s plan came the same day Gov. Jerry Brown signed the new state budget, shoring up the state’s deficit through massive cuts in education and social services.

“California was once the world’s fourth largest economy and now struggles to hold onto eighth place,” Stone said. “Our taxes are too high, our schools don’t educate our children well enough, unions and other special interests have more clout in the Legislature than the general public. It has to change.”

[KESQ.com]


 
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{ 174 comments }

Madfall July 7, 2011 at 10:17 am

How are they going to have a vibrant economy? I mean presumably they'll shoot brown people on sight, so nothing will get done.

widestanceroman July 7, 2011 at 10:27 am

It will be made vibrant with freedoms and patriotisms and bootstraps (oh, my), and considerable federal subsidies they don't talk about.

Madfall July 7, 2011 at 10:31 am

Take money from the Gubmint? Never!

berkeleyfarm July 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm

It's ok when white people get it!

PsycWench July 7, 2011 at 10:45 am

Every female over 40 will wear Lilly Pulitzer by law.
Oops, sorry, that's FLORIDA.

Arken July 7, 2011 at 10:52 am

That would take a long time since Orange and Riverside counties (and possibly SD as well, I never go there) have rapidly-increasing hispanic populations.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Been a long time since I've been there, but the words "vibrant economy" do not come to mind when I think of Riverside County

berkeleyfarm July 8, 2011 at 1:40 am

Oh yeah. Wouldn't be surprised if Riverside Cty was like, say, Alabama in that Gummint Moneys Recieved >>> Tax Revenues Sent Away.

OkieDokieDog July 7, 2011 at 10:24 am

Ooooh I bet they'll have unicorns too!

weejee July 7, 2011 at 10:33 am

And the skools will be staffed with the spore of John Birch stalwarts like Mary Kay Letourneau.

PsycWench July 7, 2011 at 10:56 am

Here's the telling item about that John Birch stalwart, according to Wikipedia:

"Schmitz refused to lend financial support or assistance to his illegitimate children who became wards of the state after their mother died.["

Lascauxcaveman July 7, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Yay for "personal responsibility."

What an effed up dude. His little girl probably had some heavy-duty daddy issues.

Doktor Zoom July 7, 2011 at 6:20 pm

In 1972, my mother voted for John Schmitz. She'd been for Nixon until she saw Schmitz's half-hour TV ad a couple days before the election.

I can't really claim to be that much better, considering I threw away my first presidential vote on John Anderson in 1980.

Soylent Green July 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm

no – they want to get rid of the unicorns and their generous benifits. Oh, i thought you said unions.

justkillmenow July 7, 2011 at 1:26 pm

I thought unicorns were muslin.

emmelemm July 7, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I thought unicorns were gay.

freakishlywrong July 7, 2011 at 10:27 am

Well…8 years of Retardlican policy will ruin anything. Take your medicine, shitstain.

elviouslyqueer July 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

Yup. And to borrow from another sagacious Wonketteer:

Door.
Ass.
That is all.

ttommyunger July 7, 2011 at 6:55 pm

You dodged a bullet there, Freak. Came close to the dreaded "R" word. The Administrator is not pleased.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 7, 2011 at 10:28 am

Stone’s plan came the same day Gov. Jerry Brown signed the new state budget, shoring up the state’s deficit through massive cuts in education and social services.

So our Democrats have turned into Republicans, and the Republicans have turned into the Confederacy.

OK, I am seriously thinking about a new country to live in.
~

Arken July 7, 2011 at 10:53 am

Unfortunately, Brown had no choice. The legislature was pretty much united on the 'no new taxes' thing and was supported by the idiots who live in this state who vote down every ballot referendum which asks them to spend half a penny of new taxes on anything.

ShaveTheWhales July 7, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Correction: The Republican minority but more than 1/3 of the legislature was united on the "no new taxes thing".

Radiotherapy® July 7, 2011 at 11:55 am

That SoCal place seems nice.

MLHencken July 7, 2011 at 10:28 am

North California: Wine and Whine. Alice Waters, et al.

South California: Idiotic overpaid celebritards, browns and poors.

PartyMarty July 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

No no, the celebritards, browns and poors (Los Angeles) would technically be northerners. California/Dixieland Adventure would be Real Housewives/spoiled kids in BMWs (Orange County), meth lab technicians/toothless west coast rednecks (Riverside), and bulging neck-vein Military brahs, illegal messicans and zookeepers (San Diego).

weejee July 7, 2011 at 10:30 am

Kin u spell Propuhincision 13?

widestanceroman July 7, 2011 at 10:31 am

Governor San Andreas will divide the state just fine without any political ideologies.

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 12:59 am

W.I.N.

DaRooster July 7, 2011 at 10:33 am

"We should be able to spew whatever crap we want into the atmosphere, get rid of all the brown people and quit giving money and health to poor folks…"

Sounds like a new Repugnant Presidential candidate is coming up.

ThundercatHo July 7, 2011 at 10:34 am

Has he called Lex Luthor yet?

ManchuCandidate July 7, 2011 at 10:53 am

Sounds more like Otisburg to me.

James Michael Curley July 7, 2011 at 10:36 am

I'll be back when somebody kills that flashy thing to the right.

widestanceroman July 7, 2011 at 11:00 am

I just wasted 10 minutes staring into it with no trippy after effects to show for it. Sonofabitch.

James Michael Curley July 7, 2011 at 1:30 pm

You got out just in time. After 11 minuets you fall on the fall and start shaking like they did in Animal House.

JustPixelz July 7, 2011 at 4:18 pm

didn't notice. can't take my eyes off Kortney

bagofmice July 9, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Was it Kortney, or her Kukumber?

bureaucrap July 7, 2011 at 10:37 am

Let's do them one better and give those counties back to Mexico. That'll solve their illegal immigrant problem, fer sure.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 7, 2011 at 10:39 am

What are they going to call this new state Reaganland?

Barrelhse July 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Probably has a "NO GIRLS ALLOWED!" sign at the border.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 10:39 am

Wait, this guy confuses me. He says he wants "a balanced budget, secure borders, effective schools and a vibrant economy", but then he proposes cutting social services, including education, removing business regulations, and lowering taxes, which would result in a bigger deficit, ineffective schools and a failing economy. Which is it?

Radiotherapy® July 7, 2011 at 11:57 am

All of 'em, Katie.

Pragmatist2 July 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

In the Free Lunch world of the Tea Party there is a perfect and pain free solution for all problems.

metamarcisf July 7, 2011 at 10:39 am

Geographically they should just merge with Arizona. How does Chairman Joe Arpaio sound?

Winnie_Cooper July 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm

If that happens, can Southern Arizona please secede? There is already a movement to create Baja Arizona. Let's get it done, people!

starfanglednut July 7, 2011 at 10:40 am

What will be their exports? Anorexia, plastic surgery, and hair dye?

PsycWench July 7, 2011 at 10:47 am

Only some plastic surgeries will be exported: rhinoplasty, breast implants and whatever they call that vagina improvement surgery.

starfanglednut July 7, 2011 at 10:56 am

Vaginaplasty? Twatplants?

Radiotherapy® July 7, 2011 at 11:58 am

OJ?

bagofmice July 9, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Don't forget the pearl implants. For his pleasure.

ProudLibunatic July 7, 2011 at 10:40 am

Good luck with the harvest, Republic of South California!

Riverside (*shudder*).

bureaucrap July 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

There are worse places than Riverside…uhhh…hmmm…er… Barstow?

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Fontucky, errrr, Fontana?

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 1:01 am

Bakersfield FTW. Really, anything in the high desert is hell.

Nothingisamiss July 8, 2011 at 9:25 am

Victorville, for the absolute win.

PartyMarty July 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

Good point. Have fun importing ALL your food and water.

hagajim July 7, 2011 at 10:41 am

Hey Jeff Stone – why don't you just fucking move to Mississippi – with fat jackass Haley Barbour! See how living in a 3rd world state works for ya.

elviouslyqueer July 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

If you've been to the Mississippi Delta, you'd know that "3rd world" would be a marked improvement.

Grief_Lessons July 7, 2011 at 10:41 am

"..our schools don’t educate our children well enough, unions and other special interests have more clout in the Legislature than the general public. It has to change"

You know, he'd be right about some things if he wasn't fundamentally wrong about everything.

Arken July 7, 2011 at 10:55 am

The schools apparently didn't educate him well enough since he fails to understand basic economics.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 10:43 am

Secure borders? That's not a new state, it's a different country.

horsedreamer_1 July 7, 2011 at 10:43 am

Another narco-state, methamphetamine edition.

Sue4466 July 7, 2011 at 10:44 am

Stone wants "a new state with a balanced budget, secure borders, effective schools and a vibrant economy."

He also wants a pony.

SenileAgitation July 7, 2011 at 10:59 am

And to be a fireman or a baseball player when he grows up. He should ask his smooth brother Keith how to make his dream come true.

Arken July 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

I would have thought he wanted to be an astronaut. He's already a space cadet.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

It's easy; steroids.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Hold my Stones!

Barrelhse July 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Burma!

user-of-owls July 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Myanmar!

Boojum_Reborn July 8, 2011 at 8:16 am

Why'd you say Burma?

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 1:03 am

Maybe he should just move to Masschusetts, then.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 10:49 am

The comments are, as is typical for local news, horrifying; including one that was so overtly racist it could even give a Breitard pause:

"With all the illegal roaches pouring into Mexifornia, it's no wonder the taxes are high… Gotta give the parasites a nice welfare check, give them free health care, etc."

For some reason, I've felt compelled to jump into the sewage there.

FakaktaSouth July 7, 2011 at 10:59 am

You know what's funny about this? Down round these parts, where the new immigration laws have dispersed with the skilled laborers, we are now suffering from a lack of skilled laborers. Weird, eh? The local sheriff and community leaders have been complaining because the people who know how to rebuild our tornado-ravaged town have left and the Mexican work ethic is being missed and publicly praised. It's bizarroworld at its finest.

samsuncle July 7, 2011 at 11:10 am

But at least you still have Saban.

FakaktaSouth July 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

ROLL TIDE!

Monsieur_Grumpe July 7, 2011 at 11:10 am

Also Funny. The Browns figured out that the USA kind of sucks anyway and they're better off in their home country. USAUSAUSA!
http://www.startribune.com/nation/125053169.html

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 11:25 am

Georgia or Arizona? Whichever it is, you'd hope that the racists would learn from this that they actually need "illegal" immigrants and chasing them out for being brown hurts them; but those people never learn.

FakaktaSouth July 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Oh no, this is Bama baby – home of THE MOST racist immigration law in the country.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 2:44 pm

What's even funnier, is these companies are now complaining that they have jobs but can't get skilled workers to work them. Rather than train Americans to work those jobs, they close the plant and ship the manufacturing to Mexico or China to get unskilled workers to build stuff for a dollar a month.
Fucking hilarious!

fuflans July 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

i really don't understand how you guys read comments. i get stabby reading comments on 'the economist' webite much less local papers with racist shithead commentators.

ProudLibunatic July 7, 2011 at 11:17 am

So true. If anything makes me want to leave US America, it's these comments.
( I just hope they are old, and will "leave" soon.) *sigh*

Arken July 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

A couple of years ago, after a Spanish language radio station had silly billboards up that said "Los Angeles, USA" with USA crossed out and Mexico written in, there was a big protest outside their headquarters which I drove by. The only thing whiter than the faces was the hair, so I'm guessing your hope will be fulfilled.

Barrelhse July 7, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Let's hope that they really are only 20%, or we can just give it up now.

SayItWithWookies July 7, 2011 at 10:49 am

Yeah, forming a new state instantly solves all one's problems, and renders one debt-free, secure and empowered. Just ask South Sudan.

user-of-owls July 7, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Surely you are not implying that this gentle and amicable partition might face some minor difficulties, are you?

SayItWithWookies July 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Let's just say that the only advantage about drawing a line across that particular swath of desert is that now we all know where the next war's going to be.

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 1:04 am

Just ask Israel.

Oblios_Cap July 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

And they have oil!

FakaktaSouth July 7, 2011 at 10:54 am

As a resident of a state that closely resembles what they are trying to form here, I say, let these assholes have it. They deserve it and the people trying to fix things in the rest of the state deserve to be shed of them.

OC_Surf_Serf July 7, 2011 at 11:02 am

California was once the world’s fourth largest economy

Uh, and now what, break off the residential communities without farming, manufacturing and hi-tech research facilities to form a new vibrant State of, of… Condominiums?

Help!!!!

horsedreamer_1 July 7, 2011 at 11:20 am

This is just viral marketing for Dignity.

Ducksworthy July 7, 2011 at 11:56 am

Can a state economy based on SSA and navy pensions survive?

revmatty July 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

The partition California thing comes up about every 10-15 years. It's unworkable, and the vast majority don't really want it. They want to pick and choose which stuff goes with which version of California and gerrymandering is woefully insufficient to describe it.

It essentially comes down to rich white people wanting to take all the upscale areas and high profit margin businesses and create a new state and leave all the debt and problems to the rest of the population. Showing a basic failure to understand integrated economies, or really anything about economics. Or reality.

A more realistic partition would be coastal -vs- inland empire (with most of Orange County thrown in with the inland empire) from a practical perspective. Still a stupid idea, but at least logistically more reasonable.

tymberwolf817 July 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

The partition Massachusetts thing also comes up like clockwork, basically during any sort of economic downturn that makes denizens of Western MA feel like they're having money taken away from them for things they don't get to (or rarely) play with. Boston MBTA, MassPike, etc. It basically boils down to Boston resentment with a healthy dose of "our industries all left or went belly-up except for tourism."

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Which is ironic, consider that if Massachusetts is like every other state out there Boston probably actually subsidizes the rural parts of the state.

Barrelhse July 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I'm assuming a San Andreas 10 on the Richter, plus a lot of inundation of the coast from global warming, will render Cali small enough to be just one happy little state.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Maybe the answer is to give everything in California east of the Sierra Nevada, Nevada, and Arizona to the wingnuts and let them them form their own little country, where they can live out their Road Warrior Utopia and leave the rest of us alone. All they do is bitch, moan, and whine about paying taxes anyway. They won't pack up and move to Somalia, so let's give them a little area they can call their own where they can slaughter each other in the search of daily subsistence.

arihaya July 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

LIBERTARIANS ;

noun: people who want all the fun of being liberals without its responsibility or without any willingness to pay for it

mavenmaven July 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

I suppose it is Orange County's proven success in securities investments that will make their region oh so profitable…

mumbly_joe July 7, 2011 at 11:15 am

Don't Riverside and Orange counties actually bear substantial blame for that whole original idea of making it impossible for the state to finance itself? So basically, now that they broke it, they want to leave so that their mess is someone else's problem. Klassy.

ManchuCandidate July 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

That's pretty much my understanding from friends who live in Kaliphonya.

berkeleyfarm July 7, 2011 at 10:39 pm

I am really laughing at the idea of someone from Riverside County thinking that a split-the-state is the magic wand that is going to turn his economy "vibrant". Put down the meth pipe and stop breathing that brown air, dude.

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 1:05 am

lol! Nice!

CapeClod July 7, 2011 at 11:20 am

"Stone wants Riverside, San Diego and Orange County to break off and form their own SoCal state of angry white olds."

Dementiafornia.

ProudLibunatic July 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

He can have Riverside and Orange County, but San Diego still has potential to be cool. (Even with their appalling signs of families fleeing across the border. With suitcases.)

BarryOPotter July 7, 2011 at 11:21 am

"…unions and other special interests have more clout in the Legislature than the general public. It has to change."

"But it won't, so… Welcome! Is this your first visit to reality?"

Guppy06 July 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm

He lives in California, what do you think?

Steverino247 July 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

"…unions and other special interests have more clout in the Legislature than the general public."

Well, guess which union is the most powerful in the state? That's right, the correctional officers union. And how did they get so powerful? Because the Republicans wanted Law and Order and lots of prisons to make people think they were safe while rewarding their developer/contractor buddies and supporting law enforcement. The prison system is essentially what bankrupted California, along with an idiotic devotion to Howard Jarvis (Saint of Prop. 13). Punish, but don't educate. Hire high school graduates at master's degree wages to watch high school dropouts train in a series of gladiator academies throughout the state. Oh, and give them safety retirements so they can leave at age 50 and bust the budget there, too. Real fucking smart.

Ducksworthy July 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

Do you mean privatizing the prisons might have been a mistake?

V572 [SSAN] July 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Don't fergit the 2/3 majority to pass a budget or tax increase, which allows a small group of wingnuts to impose their will on the majority.

Steverino247 July 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Privatization is very bad as the people lose accountability and corruption gets worse. Prop. 13 has fucked this state and put a small minority in control. It gets worse with each generation, too. My house is worth the same as my two sons' houses not far away, yet one pays four times what I do in taxes. The other gets disability exemptions or his liability would be worse than his older brother's. As I keep telling people, the money's out there to make things work and get people back to work. We just have to take political action.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 11:25 am

Question for the Wonkette Californicator contingent. Why is SFO & the rest of the Bay Area considered Northern California? The Bay is almost exactly smack dab in the middle of the state. Using 37°46' for San Francisco puts it just 31 miles north of the exact latitude midpoint.

ProudLibunatic July 7, 2011 at 11:34 am

It's a state of mind thing.
Plus we have the Giants and they have the Dodgers.

Arken July 7, 2011 at 11:35 am

Everything north of Solvang is Northern California, silly.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

Now I really haz a confused. San Louie Abysmal and Cal Pollywannacracker is in Northern California?

PartyMarty July 7, 2011 at 11:51 am

SLO and Solvang, etc. are thought of as central California.

But in general, if you're from LA/OC/SD, once you pass Santa Barbara, you consider yourself in NorCal.

berkeleyfarm July 7, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Those are the Debatable Lands, although "Central California" is the usual term.

notreelyhelping July 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

It's a state of mind, dude. Not a state of…of…uh…um…. Well, state…yeah, but…. You know! The map thing, man! The map thing!

Whew. What the hell fell in this batch? Plutonium?

natoslug July 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

As a Humboldt County resident, I don't consider myself in Northern California until I'm north of the Novato narrows. And to Supervisor Fuckface: Secede you worthless shitstain, and take the Inland Empire with you (Sorry, Ken). When you start getting thirsty, don't come whining to us for water.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

So north of Pedobear's Pedaluma?

natoslug July 7, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Fuck. I forgot about Petaluma. Aren't there some "U.S. out of the U.N." or "U.N. out of the U.S." signs along that stretch somewhere? And some really shitty outlet malls? Maybe the cutoff should be Rohnert Park. Too much further north and our only economic engine will be marijuana. It'd be nice to have at least a little variety.

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 12:57 pm

can I haz grass valley?

ShaveTheWhales July 7, 2011 at 2:17 pm

In Northern California, you go for a drive on, e.g., "Highway 5", or just "5".

In Southern California, you take "the 5".

Simple.

ProudLibunatic July 7, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Speaking of driving…
Have you noticed that Norcal drivers are mellow, speed limit followers (for the most part), and Socal drivers are aggressive death-defiers?

berkeleyfarm July 7, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Where do YOU drive in Norcal? It's a lot of passive-aggressive, or just aggressive-aggressive around Berkeley IME.

ProudLibunatic July 7, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Good point.
I seem to have been lulled into mellowness by all the Prius fumes here in Silicon Valley.

berkeleyfarm July 7, 2011 at 10:34 pm

If you look at population density/distribution it makes more sense.

Most people in the state draw their own personal lines between "northern" and "southern" somewhere in the middle third of the state south of the Monterey/Stockton axis and north of Santa Barbara. It is a subject of lively discussion among Californians – excellent way to break the ice or cause a slapfight ;).

For extra kicks and giggles, "North California" is a different state of mind entirely that starts north of the Bay Area population centers and Sacramento. Look up "State of Jefferson" some time. One of the "split the state" initiatives that actually got on the ballot left Sacramento County in "original" California – the line was immediately north. I'm from there originally (it put the "farm" in berkeleyfarm). It definitely would have been a largely rural state.

As I tell people – it's a big state!

elviouslyqueer July 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

Your move, Mexico.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

Si!. Give them Riverside, San Diego and Orange County but they have to take Tejas as well. Santa Anna was correctamondo.

natoslug July 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

You really don't like Mexico, do you? Since we're giving away our Southern hellholes, can we toss Arizona in there as well? It's beautiful, but much too infected with Palinitis.

Redhead July 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

"unions and other special interests have more clout in the Legislature than the general public."

I thought unions represented the average working man, who comprised the vast majority of the general public. When did working people, lower class or lower middle class, become special interests?

V572 [SSAN] July 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

In California state politics, "unions" = "prison guards."

Steverino247 July 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

The Big Three Problem Children: California Correctional Peace Officers Association, California Nurses Association and the California Teachers Association. SEIU gets a lot of blame, too, but are competing with the CNA nationwide to represent nurses (Disclosure: CNA supported a Republican candidate against me and I negotiated the first SEIU contract with my county, so fuck the CNA)

V572 [SSAN] July 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I’ve been a union member, as were my father, mother, brother, sister, etc. I believe in the labor movement and recognize its many contributions to society. But Sweet Jeebus on a Popsicle stick, when the prison guards openly oppose a cell-phone ban in prisons because it will cut into their illegal income selling them to prisoners, and hardly anybody even says WTF, I’m beyond astonished.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Because they do not represent our corporate overlords, whose interests government is supposed to represent in the wingnut mind.

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Legislator's time: 99% with wealthy donors, 1% with senior centers

Obviously wealthy donors are the general public

LocalGirlMakesGoo July 7, 2011 at 11:43 am

Which is a great idea, except for that whole "no water" thing.

natoslug July 7, 2011 at 11:51 am

They can build a wall on their southern border, and us Northies will build a dam on their northern border.

user-of-owls July 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Shhh! You might give them pause for reconsideration!

inapewetrust July 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

what's their main industry going to be – being square as fuck?

Tommmcattt July 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

Meth. Sales, distribution, and marketing.

natoslug July 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

And Mormonism. Riverside has a large Mormon community*. There's gotta be money in Mormonism . . .

*I only know this because of some incredibly loathesome incest/child rape cases coming from there a few years ago, where the bishopric felt the police should leave it to the church to handle it, especially since the men involved had already made peace with Jesus and it was all better now. And a note to the youth out there: If you start getting emails from God telling you that you are supposed to submit your body to your father, it's probably spam. Have I mentioned before that I absolutely fucking hate any organisation, religious or otherwise, that institutionalises the marginalisation and exploitation of part of its members to the benefit of "select" other members?

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 1:07 am

Square my ass. This is Meth Valley, man.

Tommmcattt July 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

As I come from the beautiful and blessed city of Chico, Ca, nestled in the foothills of the Sierras in fabled NoCa, I respond to this with a hearty "Hell Yeah", even though I CURRENTLY live in the fetid swamps of West Hollywood for the purposes of having a jerb.

Northern California is too good for the rest of the state. And we should put a wall around Orange County and rename it "Mordor" while we are at it.

Steverino247 July 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Now, there's Knott's Berry Farm and Disneyland in OC, so be careful with that Mt. Doom placement, buddy. Unless you're suggesting that it's Walt's eye atop that tower, because that would be fucking cool. One Mouse to Rule Them All.

user-of-owls July 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Californian janjaweed is this generation's Crips.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

The new Joe Camel?

user-of-owls July 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Didn't the Dead Kennedys put out a single, "Genocide in Modesto" a number of years back? Jello being ahead of the times, as always.

johnnymeatworth July 7, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Hey, with a 51 state national flag in the works, maybe we can all make some hobo bean money selling our "collectible" 50 state flags to each other on eBay.

poorgradstudent July 7, 2011 at 12:25 pm

This is a plot by West Virginia to take the heat off them.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 12:28 pm

I went to high school in Redlands, and was devastated when we moved to Texas 35 years ago. Not looking like such a bad choice after all.

Callyson July 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm

“Our housing costs are too high, our politicians don’t support our schools well enough, anti – tax extremists and other special interests have more clout in the Legislature than the general public. It has to change.”
/fixed

Callyson July 7, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Seriously, what is bothering this guy is the fact that Californians–not just Northern Californians (seriously, LA as part of Northern Cali? I can see my Bay Area buddies now: they are either laughing their asses off or foaming at the mouth in fury over that prospect) have had it with the Reeps, and thanks to redistricting reform their days as the obstructionists may be limited…
Analysts: California redistricting may benefit Democrats http://www.dailybreeze.com/elections/ci_18371681

Steverino247 July 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm

It only takes two more D's in the State Assembly and State Senate and all this 2/3 stuff happens, despite R whining. Watch the R's then try to change it to 3/4 with another ballot proposition.

SilverTsunami July 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

San Diego's pretty, so I might fight for it, but the OC and Riverside? Buh-bye.

Exports? They could export their lavishly irrigated emerald-green golf courses that they built in the middle of the desert.

OneYieldRegular July 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Give me Palm Springs and Joshua Tree National Park, and you can have San Diego for free. I'll even throw in Temecula, Riverside, San Bernardino, Anaheim, and Mission Viejo.

fuflans July 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

maybe all these bagger sessionists could go away forever together and we could watch the 'cats in a bag fight' from the safety of the 21st century.

Soylent Green July 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

And I was starting to think that riverside was'nt so red-necky. Despite the fact that Laughlin, NV. is their French Riviera.

pinkocommi July 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I like this plan because, without all the right wing anti-tax idiot legislators from San Diego, Orange and Riverside County, maybe the California legislature could finally pass a budget that makes sense.

berkeleyfarm July 8, 2011 at 1:49 am

Amen!

OneYieldRegular July 7, 2011 at 1:40 pm

So he wants to move his precious anachronistic version of California back up from the world's eighth largest economy to the world's fourth largest by eliminating Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Jose, and Silicon Valley, not to mention pretty much the entire growing area of the state's largest black market crop. Makes sense to me. Duz it – to you?

James Michael Curley July 7, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Where's Howard Jarvis now that we need him? That plan work our so well it needs to be done again.

unclejeems July 7, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Shakespeare got that one right.

ShaveTheWhales July 7, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Dead, but far too late.

BlueStateLibel July 7, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Republicans and "vibrant economy" go together like wine coolers and good family planning.

emmelemm July 7, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Nicely said.

CrankyLttlCamperette July 7, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Sadly, this will probably happen before DC gets statehood…

MinAgain July 7, 2011 at 3:04 pm

I'd give my left arm if unions really had all the clout these ideological idiots think they have. Alas, no.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

So, just what do those thugs do?

ttommyunger July 7, 2011 at 6:56 pm

The Palin "Quit First" Policy is catching on, I see.

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 1:09 am

Meh. Michigan's UP does this every decade, but up there, they are gun-toting, abortion-hating Finnish communists instead of gun-toting, abortion-hating Oakie fascists.

horsedreamer_1 July 8, 2011 at 9:22 am

Stupakistan!

Negropolis July 8, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Ha! Good one.

Diabeetis July 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm

The rest of California should go right ahead and let 'em. And when "South California" remains an economically depressed shithole, they can say "told you so."

berkeleyfarm July 8, 2011 at 1:49 am

I've noted a fair amount of both passive- and aggressive-aggressive driving down in the Valley (As well as a large amount of HERP DERP, which we have up here.) When I was trawling south on I-5 lots for familial maintenance I used to enjoy reaching I-5 and leaving the bay area – people would, like, let me merge and stuff.

My BFF and I got a gun brandished at us on 880 in Hayward once.

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