elitism

Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms

Just call him Mr. Internet.And now it is time to check in with marshmallow human Newt Gingrich for the latest in high tech interactive multimedia. Oh hey look, Newt has discovered hip new social networking thing Google “plus,” which is just Facebook without Farmville or Sarah Palin and all her turd followers on it, which means it is still cool. So…yeah, Newt will get in on that, sure. It’s free, you said, right?

He especially seems to like the feature called “Hangouts,” which is a chat room that allows up to 10 people at a time. THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE, NEWT, but hey, dream big. Here he is, already doing crowd control on his second post: “My team and I are considering how to best use Hangouts. We believe that because they are limited to 10 people, that the topics should be very narrow so as to attract people to care specifically about those issues.” Newt Gingrich is your next president, 9 people at a time.

What kinds of topics are on Newt’s first list of things people might like to discuss? “Privatizing NASA; NIH reform; Repealing Dodd-Frank; Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley; Federal Reserve Monetary Policy, Creating Personal Social Security Accounts; Judicial Activism; Increased Funding for Brain Science.” Perennial topic “unemployment” did not make this cut, sorry. And so guess which issue won out?

From Newt’s followup post: “Thanks for all the positive comments and topic ideas for Hangouts. Many people want to discuss US space policy, so we’ll schedule that soon.” Hooray, Newt is also president of space. [Google+]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Goonemeritus

    “His Team”

    I think it’s sweet when people stay in contact with their imaginary friends in latter life.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      What, I've got a whole staff helping me write my comments for Wonkie. Including all the bad spelling/grammar and lame jokes. Excuse me someone has just informed me that I need to use the lavatory now, BRB.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Bob Livingstone, I presume.

    • bflrtsplk

      Newt has imaginary imaginary friends.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I read this as "latte life" and it sounded a bit upperclass for Newt, so I tried again.

      My team of people will get back with a critically funny remark soon.

    • tessiee

      "I think it’s sweet when people stay in contact with their imaginary friends in latter life."

      All of Newt's friends are imaginary.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Perhaps a team of brave Wonketeers should infest Hangouts. That would be interesting.

    • Terry

      In the spirit of Howard Stern and Ba-babooie, should we keep repeating "Trucknutz" to disrupt things?

      • freakishlywrong

        Or "Buttsecks".

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Or "57 States"

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            Or "Poopyhead"?

          • LetUsBray

            Or, um, what's a catchier way of saying "Serving your wife with divorce papers when she's in the hospital with cancer"?

          • DaRooster

            "Here ya go bitch… later"?

          • riverside68

            shit sack?

          • Fare la Volpe

            Newting her.

          • PristineODummy

            Butt-sechs has a much greater capacity to disrupt.

      • finallyhappy

        Totally, off topic to terry- Harambe is the flavor of ice cream created for the Obama election(I was over at Tropical Ice Cream recently and saw it)

        • Terry

          Oh, yes! I love that place. I've tried the Harambe, but have to say I prefer their Guinness ice cream or the Soursop.

          I took my nieces in there shortly after the election. My youngest niece had a long conversation with the owner about how awesome it is it "root for Obama". :)

      • AJWjr.

        T for short.
        I know, but my internets were broken yesterday…

    • Limeylizzie

      Oh snap, I had the exact same thought BaldarTFlagass, let's go.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Oh, not me. I'm an idea guy. Anyway, googleplus is blocked by the Department of the Air Force, for some reason. Plus, there might be cooties.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Might be?

        • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

          An idea guy who doesn't do the actual work…is this really Newt?

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Damn, and I would have got away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.

          • tessiee

            "An idea guy who doesn't do the actual work…is this really Newt?"

            No, Newt has an idea guy who gets the ideas for him, and also several peons who do the actual work for him. This frees up Newt so that he can spend ALL his time being a fat turd and/or cheating on his wife du jour.

          • PristineODummy

            ^^^ this.

        • finallyhappy

          I won't say where I worked but after we had a computer issue(sex related) at my agency- they started some computer security package that blocked things like BWI airport. Everytime you came up with a stupid block like that you had to inform our brilliant IT team.

          • Fare la Volpe

            "Yo, Dave, I can't access 'Sugar Daddy 4 Me dot com' on my desktop. It's for research on the Gingrich campaign. Can ya get on that?"

          • horsedreamer_1

            That's worse than Ethostream at the Majestic Theatre in lovely, Republican Waukesha County blocking Our Wonkette (for having objectionable content).

            Also blocked: El Pais, the leading newspaper of Spain. Must be all the foreign-talking.

          • V572 [SSAN]

            What material on Wonkette could possibly offend anyone in Wisconsin?

            Oh yeah, now I remember.

          • Native_of_SL_UT

            All of it.

          • An_Outhouse

            ,Katie

          • PristineODummy

            This is why it pays to be REAL nice to IT — they believed me when I said I needed total net access to check on stuff regarding our installation process. Of course, when it actually came to keeping porn-hijacking sites off our training center computers, they did a total FAIL, and my very gay boss and I (who were sharing a computer for a client training onsite) were exposed to lots and lots of pussy shots until we shut down, but hey.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      "Does it bother you that you've written more books than Moses, but they're all crap?"

      • SayItWithWookies

        That Moses guy was no great shakes either. Have you read Numbers? Makes James Michener look like freakin' Tom Clancy.

    • PristineODummy

      I was Invited, but they're already full up. And I was SO ready to play kickball with Newters.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    No wonder he wants to chat about space; Newt's already beat us all to the privatization of gravitational fields.

    • bflrtsplk

      By space, Newt means that vast empty region between his ears.

  • Sue4466

    Forget Newt, WTF is with the video ads that just start running when the page loads? It's hard to get the snark on with some ad for hard water stains screaming at me.

    And now it says "replay," like I'd want to go through that shit again.

    • PsycWench

      Any audio that starts automatically is grounds for the death penalty IMHO.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        There with Sue & Psyc on this. Loose the autostart audio ads dear Wonkette or I'll have to mark this site to block all ads, and share with the group how to do that. FWIW, I do find some of your ads interesting so I have not yet enforced the commercial banhammer on yer site.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I generally dislike the blocking that gets done by the Air Force firewalls, but one that I do like is that (on those websites that I can get to) all ads are automatically blocked. Websites look completely different here at work than they do at home…

        • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

          I like the one with Kortney fellating the cucumber. Also, just to be a dick, I think you meant lose and not loose. I think.

          Also, WTF Day of the Locus??

      • Fare la Volpe

        CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE WON!

    • ChessieNefercat

      Yes, after you irritate the daylights out of me with autoplay, of course I'll give you money by buying whatever you're selling!

      And how about the autoplay ads that you can't even close? People that respond to those ads (and there must be many of them) are undoubtedly the same droolers that believe that all Nigerian males are wealthy princes eager to give away hay bales of money to total strangers.

      • tessiee

        OT: Are you Chessie like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland, or Chessie like the cat in the old-timey ads for Chesapeake Railroad, or is it somehow that you're both?

        • ChessieNefercat

          Chessie for the railway (also name for the family cats as I was growing up) due to father's employment by one of the railroads that ended up merged with the Chessie System at some point. Also I like the Cheshire cat. :)

          • tessiee

            You might enjoy a book called, "The Cat Made Me Buy It!" by Alice Muncaster and Ellen Yanow. It's a collection of cats in book and magazine illustrations, sheet music (very popular in the pre-radio era), advertising art, etc. and includes a brief section about Chessie, her origin, the Chesapeake & Ohio Railway, and the Chessie System. There's also a book called "Rising from the Rails" which is a history of Pullman cars and Pullman porters that's worth a look.

      • Sue4466

        I was complaining about a different annoying ad to a friend and she said "but you remember the product, don't you?"

        Yes, yes I do. So well that it's name provokes the same irritation as it's advert meaning I'm unlikely to purchase it. Ever.

        • ChessieNefercat

          Exactly. And there are wonderful, witty ads for who knows what the product is.

          Two elements, dear ad execs. We have to not be annoyed by the ad AND we should remember the product. It's not either/or.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Might I recommend to Wonkette a Donate button. K-Lo does it, so there's precedent.

      I would gladly donate a dollar every time my pee goes up. (Will Wonkette send me a dollar when it goes down, as it has been, without explanation?)

  • freakishlywrong

    I'd like to see multiple marriages, plasticine blow up dolls, and goiters as heads for issues. But I probably won't. Not from this assclown anyway.

    • ChessieNefercat

      But I'll bet he will at least pause, tip his head to one side, and briefly consider the plasticine blow-up dolls…

      • riverside68

        hummm, blown plastine dolls . . .

        Blown-up plastine dolls . . .

        I'm getting close to something here . . .

    • DaRooster

      Haven't you seen enough already?

    • Urban_Achiever

      Have you considered forming a "goiters-as-heads" SuperPAC? You could tour the country in your own bus!!

      • freakishlywrong

        No bus left behind! I can paint the constitushion on it and raise monies for my vacations!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Discuss "Privatizing NASA; NIH reform; Repealing Dodd-Frank; Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley; Federal Reserve Monetary Policy, Creating Personal Social Security Accounts; Judicial Activism; Increased Funding for Brain Science"

    Sounds exciting. Where's the clicky thing to sign up?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Let's prioritize the "Increased Funding for Brain Science", Newtie. Then maybe you and your "team" will come to your senses regarding the other items.

    • PristineODummy

      You have to be on Google+ to even get a nibble in at Newtie. (I haz a sad.)

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    "Privatizing NASA"
    Since all the potential Gingrich voters are space aliens, the topic selection makes perfect sense.

    • Fare la Volpe

      He's campaigning hard for those coveted Reptilian donors.

    • BarryOPotter

      Do they understand that in order to privatize nasa, there has to be a viable commercial market to do what nasa does. That could be a big ass problem when it comes to r&d, since nasa is the big fucking buyer. Who do these asshats expect to buy zero grav experiments that have no readily apparent commercial value, but will provide data for analysis and possibly lead to a commercial application down the road? And 'reform NIH?' Uh, could you first state what the problem is, why it's a problem and what solution you propose? No? Figures…

      I couldn't keep looking at those comments. Too empty, like deep space…

    • tessiee

      "Privatizing NASA"

      Newt thought it referred to the Nassau in the Bahamas.

  • Come here a minute

    It doesn't take a brain scientist to see that Newt doesn't care how stupid he looks, as long as he can keep his grift going.

    • ChessieNefercat

      He and Palin must have identical diplomas from Bernie Madoff's little known but quite profitable sideline business, The Academy of Political Grifting.

  • Terry

    "Increased Funding for Brain Science"

    Would that be funding for the study of the human brain or funding for science in which people USE their brains. If it's the latter, brain use is something that the people remaining in the Republican Party don't especially support.

    • PsycWench

      Republicans are famously supportive of science until it disagrees with one of their main tenets, so…yeah.

    • powersuit

      So Newt apparently wants to scrap NIH (don't Republicans mean "kill" when they say "reform"?) but increase spending on brain science?

      Either he thinks "brain science" is what all the Randians at the Cato Institute do, or he's a dumbass.

      • SorosBot

        Or "brain science" is something that personally effects him or his family; funnily Republicans tend to change their tune on government programs when they are personally involved.

        • finallyhappy

          "brain science"- because anyone who stilll supports Newt has no brain? As we at Wonkette know- "brain science" could constitute many areas(ok, I used to work with research money). Yes, GOPers usually want to shoot down scientific research- and they never understand it anyway. Except for the Creation museum

      • PristineODummy

        I'm voting for "he's a dumbass."

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      File under "recipes."

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Millions for Brain Science! Not one penny for volcano monitoring!

    • http://thefastertimes.com/absurdnews/ inapewetrust

      classic goon trying to sound smart. "yeah, i'm into lots of things. war. tax cuts. uh…brain science."

      • ChessieNefercat

        Or rocket surgery.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

    It's too late.

    • PsycWench

      "Increased Funding for Brain Science.”
      "Increased Funding for Brain Science.”
      "Increased Funding for Brain Science.”
      Still too late

      • DaRooster

        "Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

        Yea! Newt loves funding…

    • Fare la Volpe

      That topic is nothing but shameless pandering to the zombie demographic.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Maybe with that funding of science, we can determine if Newt is a unethical doucebag once and for all:
    http://news.discovery.com/human/facial-bone-struc

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Seriously? The Discovery Channel is pushing junk-science from 150 years ago?
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craniometry

      Between this and the "findings" on diet pop a couple of days ago, maybe we shouldn't fund science if people are too fucking stupid to practice it, interpret it or write about it.

      • SorosBot

        Diet pop? How can you have a diet version of a loud noise?

        • BaldarTFlagass

          It's quieter.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Are you from east of the pop/soda national dividing line?

          • SorosBot

            You mean the soda/wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong dividing line.

          • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

            No, no, soda is for baking.

          • tessiee

            Haw!

            A couple of weeks after I moved out of NJ, I was in the supermarket with some roommates, and asked them for "soda". Roommate 1 came back with a box of baking soda. I said, "No, smart-ass, SODA! Coca-cola!" He said, with an air of discovery, "Ohhhh! You mean POP!" We had the predictable argument, then he pointed to the sign over the aisle, which, indeed, said Pop. They also had something called "Red Pop", which struck me as the ultimate junk food — it wasn't even pretending to have a flavor.

          • ThundercatHo

            It may be regional but soda pop is correctly called pop and soda refers to plain soda water. When I lived on the left coast and VA people could always tell I was a midwesterner because I said (correctly!) pop.

          • SorosBot

            You mean they could tell you were a midwesterner because you said incorrectly pop. Pop's a word with its' own meaning that has has nothing to do with drinks; soda only means soda, the drink, and it would be ridiculous for it to just refer to soda water because no one ever refers to soda water.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Truly you are a scholar, with your invisible citations and your "no one evers"!

          • GOPCrusher

            POP LIBEL!!! TROLL ALERT!! TROLL ALERT!!!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            For some reason, we use the multi-cultural "soda pop" down in these parts.

          • horsedreamer_1

            It's not so much a line as the Coasts call it Soda (Atlantic & Pacific, Canadian border to Mexican, no exception made for other regionalism (Southern U.S. Redneck, SoCal Beachbum)), & "Flyover Country (Red, Blue, & Purple) calls it Pop. With St. Louis & Milwaukee being the exceptions. It's Soda, correctly, in those areas, too.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Cleveland and Chicago represent for Team Pop!

            But more importantly and on-topic, people who say "soda" would steal their mother's dentures while she sleeps and sell them for train fare, according to the Discovery Channel.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Hey…it was good enough for the Nazis.

        "Between this and the "findings" on diet pop a couple of days ago, maybe we shouldn't fund science if people are too fucking stupid to practice it, interpret it or write about it. "

        Poor deluded fella…science is no longer about discovery…it's about making the next blockbuster drug or consumer product.

        • SorosBot

          Hey, we may not have cure for cancer or AIDS or even malaria, but we've got about half a dozen boner pills!

          • PristineODummy

            Well … that is where the money is.

      • finallyhappy

        Discovery Channel and science have little in common- Discovery also has TLC- Extreme Couponing/Hoarders- it is all about the crazies.

        • GOPCrusher

          The Loonie Channel

    • Angry_Marmot

      Define "unethical".

      • DashboardBuddha

        Well, for starters pretty much Newt does. I'll let the philosophers sort out the fine details.

    • tessiee

      Stuff like this, to me, is like reading your horoscope in the paper. It's kinda fun, and sometimes on-point, but it's more for entertainment than meant to be taken as gospel graven in stone.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Yeah, I know. I was just using the science to make fun of Newty newt newt. Lol…like we need a study to tell us that newt is an unethical lying sack of dung.

  • Boredw/Gravitas

    Privatizing space exploration and travel? Yeah, I don't see any potential problems with that.

    • SorosBot

      Now the Weyland-Yutani corporation has some great ideas about setting up a space colony on Planet LV-426.

      • Fare la Volpe

        I just popped a raging nerd boner. From my chest.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, it certainly has worked out well for the British railway system.
      http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?ar

      • DashboardBuddha

        that's just commie propaganda. We all know that the free market will run things efficiently. What Britain should do is lower corporate taxes and forbid lawsuits for any reason, but especially injuries.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          "Well, you didn't lower the taxes, so of course the bridge collapsed sending 240 train commuters to their deaths in the inky depths of the Firth of Forth. You stupid socialist."

          • riverside68

            Thereby lowering healthcare and pension expenses

    • http://www.udargo.com MaxUdargo

      Well, he made a good point in the last debate about NASA "standing in the way" of private space travel. Because, you know, space is really narrow and small, and with NASA clogging up space with all those shuttles and probes and rovers and stuff, there really hasn't been any room for anybody else. I think it's time we free up some space and make room for the small businessman. Stop hogging all the space, NASA!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    The marshmallow human in his later years…

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4

    Newt-In-A-Jar

    • ttommyunger

      Hopefully he is in his later years. I'm guessing his arteries are as hard as a preacher's dick.

      • PristineODummy

        Now that's the kind of snark I live and breathe for. May I use that? "hard as a preacher's dick." Mmm-mm good.

        • ttommyunger

          Might as well, I stole it from someone else.

          • PristineODummy

            That's even better. I won't have to pay royalties in my precious new potatoes. (Hey, I'z a Poorz. You want royalties, talk Koch.)

          • ttommyunger

            Royalties! We don't need no stinkin royalties!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "the topics should be very narrow"

    to go with the minds.

    • SorosBot

      But not the waists.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Mandatory first question for all hangouts, no matter what the topic is always a/s/l.

    • ThundercatHo

      Next question: Newt Gingrich f/m/k?

  • PsycWench

    If he wants to draw people in, a better topic would involve Monday-morning quarterbacking the Casey Anthony trial.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Casey Anthony trial
      How many bazillions of eyeball hours were lost to that poof? Sad, yes, but the above-the-fold item for the last couple of weeks. Geesh.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      At least Professional Loser Marcia Clark is getting work now, doing butt-hurt color commentary.

      • riverside68

        Like I needed one more reason to shoot my TV, but thank you anyway.

    • GOPCrusher

      Never paid attention to it until the last couple of days, but it has been worth it to see Nancy Grace stroking out on T.V.

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Where's the rocket surgery panel?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Whoops, I had not seen this before responding to an earlier comment. I just knew there was something wrong with brain science…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Newt is still running?

    I'd cheer if this was the Special Olympics or something like that…
    ~

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Newt has the runs

      fixed

    • GOPCrusher

      And, according to a report on NPR yesterday, his campaign is already a million dollars in the red.
      This is the kind of fiscal responsibility America needs!

  • http://www.muthalovin.com muthalovin

    More like Google-, ammiright?

    • BarryOPotter

      Are you here all week?! Google-! HA! Me likey…

      • http://www.muthalovin.com muthalovin

        Please tip your waitresses.

  • Grief_Lessons

    This is the new face of campaigning in the 21st century: using the vast, world-wide penetration of the internet to find nine people who want to hear from you. Much easier than standing on a street corner yelling and handing out Xeroxed pamphlets.

    • GOPCrusher

      Have to admit, does cut back on the sun block usage.

    • PristineODummy

      Also less likelihood of getting pinched by the coppers.

  • riverside68

    US space policy: How come we got so dang much space out west and so little back east?

    What will it take to get some of that out west space back east?

    If we could move an acre of Wyoming to Manhattan, we could wipe out the Federal debt!

    • ttommyunger

      Or better yet, move Texas and Arizona to Mars.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Soon, he'll be challenging the Paultards for the presidency of Second Life and World of Warcraft. (New word: irrelevanter)

    • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

      My level 45 irrelevangelist is riding his irrelephant!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I'm going to visit Chat Russian Roulette now.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Hopefully you'll find Newt there playing with an automatic.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    So, nine people are stuck with Newt in a chat room? Where' s the panic button?

  • horsedreamer_1

    This is Good News… for Apollo 440!

  • Poindexter718

    That chat room couldn't even contain all his wives, if the cancerous dead ones are allowed to join.

    • PristineODummy

      Not dead yet!

  • SorosBot

    So Newt wants our brains; sorry has-been, you ain't getting mine, you'll have to make do with the barely functional one you've got.

  • Weenus299

    I'm superpokin' him.

  • samsuncle

    Why no picture of Calista? Oh, thats right they put her in a wax museum.

    • riverside68

      How can you tell?

    • widestanceroman

      And they charged all the people $1,500 just to see her.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And for an extra five-hundo, you get an upskirt of the Barbie-doll pudenda.

        • widestanceroman

          Then we'll know if the carpet matches the drapes, which is to say, whether it is also a snow white igloo shape.

        • PristineODummy

          Which is undoubtedly bald and chicken-like from repeated pluckings of teh hairz. And flabby. Ew, I think I has a soft-on.

  • neiltheblaze

    See? Newt has been unchained – unleashed even – now that all his advisers have all deserted him. Let Newt be Newt!!!1!

  • metamarcisf

    Increased funding for brain science is the winner here. Especially if it involves using the entire field of GOP candidates as guinea pigs.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      To paraphrase the United Negro College Fund slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing."

      • riverside68

        Richard Pror's Ignited Negro Fund: A mind is a terrible thing to baste.

        • Weenus299

          Watched Brewster's Millions several times recently. Reminded me how coked up he was, all the time.

      • BarryOPotter

        Alien Jourgensen's greatest album: "A mind is a terrible thing to taste"

  • DaSandman

    The Salamander lives in a complex world where he is either considering the dire issues that face our great nation or spending hundreds of thousands a week bedazzling Callista's twat.

    Brain science indeed. They ought save his for further study.

  • Poindexter718

    Didn't that witchy woman from Delaware who ran for senate warn us about Brain Science and its efforts to graft a human brain onto a mouse (or do I have that backwards?)?
    Why does Newt Gingrinch want to create a new race of rodent that will take over America? Didn't he see "Ben" back in 1973?

    • riverside68

      Does anyone remember a Schrub SOU address where he vowed to stop human-animal hybrids?

      WTF is this about? Is this something that is only on FauxNews/GlenBeckistan so no rational person has heard about it?

      (Love me the Ben BTW.)

      • horsedreamer_1

        It's prolly an abortion/stem-call dogwhistle, on the order of Dred Scott (but even more opaque).

      • finallyhappy

        My mom had a pig valve in her heart-that says it all.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Newt is sure looking like an older, puffier and meaner version of killer doll Chucky

  • baconzgood

    Here are some other ideas for your topics.

    Who the fuck names thier kid Newt?

    How to shut down the country during economic prosperity cause the prez (who you've been slinging mud at) doesn't want to sit next to you on a plane.

    How to leave your wife on a cancer bed. A step by step tutorial.

    slush funds and you.

    Baconz didn't forget about "rubbergate"

    Oh and this website is worthy of a little discussion. http://www.realchange.org/gingrich.htm

    • PubOption

      I assume that his full name is Newton, if it is, he should use his full name, for the gravitas.

      • riverside68

        Newton was rong bout gravitas-Our jew says it's warped space

        Newt is probly imbareassed about the connection

      • Boredw/Gravitas

        I'm bored with gravitas.

        • PristineODummy

          Nicetomeetchu.

    • BarryOPotter

      Who the fuck names thier kid Newt?

      Gussie Fink-Nottle: "At the time, I thought it quite clever. Didn't imagine it would come to this, did I…"

  • ttommyunger

    Oh, Newt! You so hip, so horny, so fat, so ugly. Me hate you long time!

    • James Michael Curley

      Somebody spent a day or two on Tu Do Street.

      • ttommyunger

        Not me. Never went there.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Or Magsaysay Drive.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    My research indicates that Newt brains cost $1,000 a pound, while normal brains are $1.98 at the $1.98 Store. Something about needing a dozen Newts to make a pound of brains.

    Newt needs to fling more monkey poo.

    • PristineODummy

      I thought it was because *Newt's* brain has never been used, unlike normal ones.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    He knows a ;ot about computers. He could probably fix yours.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Brain Science? Why bother? Any increases in intelligence will make Newt's gang Democraps or Liebruls anyway.

  • x111e7thst

    Is there a special "Hangout" for Repuke losers that Bachmann is kicking the shit out of? Newty could go hang out there with TeePaw.

    • BarryOPotter

      Is there a special "Hangout" for Repuke losers that Bachmann is kicking the shit out of?

      Yes, but Michele's boudoir has a weight limit, and she's not a chubby chaser like that Calista woman, but to be fair, Calista's not really hotty-for-Newt's-body, but, uh Tiffany's…

  • CapeClod

    Maybe he can talk about human/animal hybrids, since he is 30% tapeworm.

    • tessiee

      His appearance and (shudder) sexual behavior suggest at least some pig in the mixture.

  • fuflans

    this guy.

  • mumbly_joe

    Actually, Hangouts sound pretty perfect for reaching every person who's going to vote for Newt and hosting a conversation between them.

    Hell, they could even loop in Callista and the Gingrich campaign's remaining staffers with room to spare.

  • Eve8Apples

    "Hooray, Newt is also president of space."

    No space blimp = no space presidency.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      He is a space blimp, but fueled by Reese's Peanut Butter Cups not Hydrazine.

  • fuflans

    can we get wonkette spin on murdoch crisis?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    For one of Neut's topics how about "what can the gubbermint do for you if you haven't seen your penis in 40 years"?

  • Weenus299

    Hey Newt? What if a democratic-party president considers cutting Social Security and Medicare? Would that be a pigs-fly scenario or a mere end of the fuckdog US of A?

    • freakishlywrong

      And the thugs still won't make a deal. They'll just demand more and more. That's why you don't negotiate with terrorists.

  • Weenus299

    Brain science. Fuckall. It's called Newtrology.

  • elviouslyqueer

    My team and I are considering how to best use Hangouts

    Um, Newt? The voices in your head do not count as a "team." Also, the only thing interested in hanging out with you is your distended, porcine adipose tissue.

  • DarwinianDemon

    I want to hear his policy on slave girls and capturing rebel thug Han Solo

    • tessiee

      And a cookie.

  • mereoblivion

    Do his Hangoutees get Reese's Cups?

  • DaRooster

    "…Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

    Uh oh… someone has discovered a precursor to Alzheimer's… does 'splain a lot…

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    He's using John Edwards' "Two Americas" argument. There's the one America that can currently use Google+, and the one that cannot.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    ugh – It's too early in the morning for looking at Mr. marshmallow fluff'n'stuffed. Unless America's grossest lard-Peep wants to weigh in on (again):Hersey's vs. Reese's?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Please don't associate Peeps (finest food ever) with bloat boy. Thank you for your consideration.

  • genxr

    Republican brain science = Rush Limbaugh imitating someone with Parkinsons disease.

    • finallyhappy

      How that didn't sink that disgusting drugged out tub of lard- I will never understand. And by the way, his tea ads are on bus stops in downtown DC- and as most of the people who ride the buses are people of color(and me- I ride the Green line and the bus that runs along the green line)- I do not think they will be buying that shit.

      • tessiee

        "How that didn't sink that disgusting drugged out tub of lard- I will never understand."

        Apparently, nothing can sink those people.
        Rush, Sarah, the whole gang of them — they could run down the street with the severed head of a Cub Scout in one hand, and their supporters would still follow them, while bleating about how Dems are fanatical about Obama.

  • iburl

    9 books x $39.99 x 50 hangouts = $17,995.50

    Callista, we're going back to Santorini!

    • riverside68

      Callista: "Oh Newt that is so sweet. I guess that means I am going to have to let you touch me again."

  • DaRooster

    "Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms Broom Closets"

  • genxr

    And with that, Google+ officially stopped being cool on July 2, 2011.

  • hagajim

    “My team and I are considering how to best use Hangouts" to get me a newer wife, Calista is old news now.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Newt's campaign is obvs going nowhere. He should take a page from Ron Paul and break out the Newt Gingrich blimp.

    Oh wait…

  • kissawookiee

    so as to attract [nine] people to care

    Oh, Newt, always aiming for the sky.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Ten people, huh? That's just about the perfect number for a circle jerk.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Ten fat naked puzzled people looking at each other and trying to figure out what exactly they are supposed to jerk.

      • tessiee

        I have told you and told you, stop looking in my windows!

  • mavenmaven

    Nothing about cutting funding for volcano research? RINO!

  • V572 [SSAN]

    Can we please have some Casey Anthony news on this Web site?

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    "You could narrow cast, but record it (if possible) and than offer it up via itunes, and other services.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    It would be vastly outsold by the weekly soundtrack from Glee.

  • http://drtomatoipresume.wordpress.com/ tymberwolf817

    Google+ devolves into a hideous version of livejournal thanks to Newt in 3 . . . 2 . . .

  • Nothingisamiss

    Iconoclastic, KKK-colored Bard of the googles.

  • user-of-owls

    It’s free, you said, right?

    Are you sure his campaign can afford that?

  • phlox✔

    There's a handy link to Google + on Newt's Friendster profile.

    • tessiee

      Yeah; unfortunately, you need a Betamax to access it.

  • Redhead

    "Increased Funding for Brain Science"

    No matter how much funding you throw at it, Newt, you're never going to be able to find the teabaggers' brains (at least not without a proctologist)

  • comrad_darkness

    That picture is so out of date. In reality, the man resembles a hag.

  • comrad_darkness

    >Repealing Dodd-Frank; Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley;

    Also, gosh, tiny little bits of financial regulation enacted after the second worst financial debacle in U.S. history caused by three decades of systematic deregulation. My god! The horror! They have to go!!

  • An_Outhouse

    When I heard Newt was polling at 4 +/- 10% in New Hampshire I figured he must have relatives there. Who the fuck are all the losers posting over there? "Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley would make my job in IT better!" What the FUCK does that even mean? They definitely should be researching brain transplants or at least brain plants.

  • An_Outhouse

    plus.google.com/u/0/108373054660269328912/posts/52DV3fDTSf3#108373054660269328912/posts/52DV3fDTSf3

    That's a handy URL to remember. Good job, Google!

  • Andrew Drinker

    I'm surprised he's still taking himself seriously when absolutely no one else anywhere is anymore.

  • lochnessmonster

    How about discussing the space between your ears, Newt?

  • GortRay

    They should have a hangout thing to repeal relativity and quantum mechanics. They're just too danged hard for real Muricans to unnerstand and that means thay ain't true.

  • tessiee

    "Increased Funding for Brain Science"

    I can haz moar munnys 4 big an smart thinkz?

  • tessiee

    "Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

    No more having to rely on cheapo suppliers like Abby Normal.

  • OldRedneck

    Is anyone CERTAIN that Newt Gingrich is a real person?

    I mean . . . his "wife" is a latex blow-up doll and I'm betting he's a hologram image projected by a little guy behind an emerald-colored curtain.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Well, that would explain a lot, wouldn't it?

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    If the Constitution was written in a Hangout, we wouldn't have had the 3/5ths clause.

  • BarryOPotter

    Biggie Pop got capped!!!!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Yes! We must save our flames for the REAL enemy–the smug bastards who use charcoal instead of propane!!

  • genxr

    We build it, conservatives invade and claim it.

  • tessiee

    "Sorry Google – if you're going to let lowlifes like Newt Gingrich supporters on before me, I'm just not that into you."

    I recently read a library book by Patton Oswalt where he relates an anecdote about a boss who was not only obnoxious but also unethical, and says something like, "I suddenly realized that I actually *wanted* him to dislike me. He was such an awful, worthless, crappy person, that if he thought I was OK, it would injure my self-esteem."

  • PristineODummy

    Interesting. I'm pretty annoyed about it too.

  • HistoriCat

    Hank Hill – is that you?HANK: Now, you'll think about what I said? WYNONA JUDD: I was raised with charcoal, I'll die with charcoal. So back off!