ELITISM  9:16 am July 7, 2011

Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Just call him Mr. Internet.And now it is time to check in with marshmallow human Newt Gingrich for the latest in high tech interactive multimedia. Oh hey look, Newt has discovered hip new social networking thing Google “plus,” which is just Facebook without Farmville or Sarah Palin and all her turd followers on it, which means it is still cool. So…yeah, Newt will get in on that, sure. It’s free, you said, right?

He especially seems to like the feature called “Hangouts,” which is a chat room that allows up to 10 people at a time. THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE, NEWT, but hey, dream big. Here he is, already doing crowd control on his second post: “My team and I are considering how to best use Hangouts. We believe that because they are limited to 10 people, that the topics should be very narrow so as to attract people to care specifically about those issues.” Newt Gingrich is your next president, 9 people at a time.

What kinds of topics are on Newt’s first list of things people might like to discuss? “Privatizing NASA; NIH reform; Repealing Dodd-Frank; Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley; Federal Reserve Monetary Policy, Creating Personal Social Security Accounts; Judicial Activism; Increased Funding for Brain Science.” Perennial topic “unemployment” did not make this cut, sorry. And so guess which issue won out?

From Newt’s followup post: “Thanks for all the positive comments and topic ideas for Hangouts. Many people want to discuss US space policy, so we’ll schedule that soon.” Hooray, Newt is also president of space. [Google+]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 243 comments }

Goonemeritus July 7, 2011 at 9:21 am

“His Team”

I think it’s sweet when people stay in contact with their imaginary friends in latter life.

Reagan Still Dead July 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

What, I've got a whole staff helping me write my comments for Wonkie. Including all the bad spelling/grammar and lame jokes. Excuse me someone has just informed me that I need to use the lavatory now, BRB.

horsedreamer_1 July 7, 2011 at 10:11 am

Bob Livingstone, I presume.

bflrtsplk July 7, 2011 at 10:43 am

Newt has imaginary imaginary friends.

Nothingisamiss July 7, 2011 at 11:44 am

I read this as "latte life" and it sounded a bit upperclass for Newt, so I tried again.

My team of people will get back with a critically funny remark soon.

tessiee July 8, 2011 at 1:19 am

"I think it’s sweet when people stay in contact with their imaginary friends in latter life."

All of Newt's friends are imaginary.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:23 am

Perhaps a team of brave Wonketeers should infest Hangouts. That would be interesting.

Terry July 7, 2011 at 9:27 am

In the spirit of Howard Stern and Ba-babooie, should we keep repeating "Trucknutz" to disrupt things?

freakishlywrong July 7, 2011 at 9:36 am

Or "Buttsecks".

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:39 am

Or "57 States"

weejee July 7, 2011 at 9:54 am

Or "Poopyhead"?

LetUsBray July 7, 2011 at 10:07 am

Or, um, what's a catchier way of saying "Serving your wife with divorce papers when she's in the hospital with cancer"?

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Butt-sechs has a much greater capacity to disrupt.

finallyhappy July 7, 2011 at 10:22 am

Totally, off topic to terry- Harambe is the flavor of ice cream created for the Obama election(I was over at Tropical Ice Cream recently and saw it)

Terry July 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

Oh, yes! I love that place. I've tried the Harambe, but have to say I prefer their Guinness ice cream or the Soursop.

I took my nieces in there shortly after the election. My youngest niece had a long conversation with the owner about how awesome it is it "root for Obama". :)

AJWjr. July 8, 2011 at 9:33 am

T for short.
I know, but my internets were broken yesterday…

Limeylizzie July 7, 2011 at 9:32 am

Oh snap, I had the exact same thought BaldarTFlagass, let's go.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:38 am

Oh, not me. I'm an idea guy. Anyway, googleplus is blocked by the Department of the Air Force, for some reason. Plus, there might be cooties.

elviouslyqueer July 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

Might be?

Reagan Still Dead July 7, 2011 at 10:05 am

An idea guy who doesn't do the actual work…is this really Newt?

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 10:12 am

Damn, and I would have got away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:26 pm

"An idea guy who doesn't do the actual work…is this really Newt?"

No, Newt has an idea guy who gets the ideas for him, and also several peons who do the actual work for him. This frees up Newt so that he can spend ALL his time being a fat turd and/or cheating on his wife du jour.

finallyhappy July 7, 2011 at 10:25 am

I won't say where I worked but after we had a computer issue(sex related) at my agency- they started some computer security package that blocked things like BWI airport. Everytime you came up with a stupid block like that you had to inform our brilliant IT team.

Fare la Volpe July 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

"Yo, Dave, I can't access 'Sugar Daddy 4 Me dot com' on my desktop. It's for research on the Gingrich campaign. Can ya get on that?"

horsedreamer_1 July 7, 2011 at 10:37 am

That's worse than Ethostream at the Majestic Theatre in lovely, Republican Waukesha County blocking Our Wonkette (for having objectionable content).

Also blocked: El Pais, the leading newspaper of Spain. Must be all the foreign-talking.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:34 pm

This is why it pays to be REAL nice to IT — they believed me when I said I needed total net access to check on stuff regarding our installation process. Of course, when it actually came to keeping porn-hijacking sites off our training center computers, they did a total FAIL, and my very gay boss and I (who were sharing a computer for a client training onsite) were exposed to lots and lots of pussy shots until we shut down, but hey.

Reagan Still Dead July 7, 2011 at 10:03 am

"Does it bother you that you've written more books than Moses, but they're all crap?"

SayItWithWookies July 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

That Moses guy was no great shakes either. Have you read Numbers? Makes James Michener look like freakin' Tom Clancy.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I was Invited, but they're already full up. And I was SO ready to play kickball with Newters.

HobbesEvilTwin July 7, 2011 at 9:23 am

No wonder he wants to chat about space; Newt's already beat us all to the privatization of gravitational fields.

bflrtsplk July 7, 2011 at 10:44 am

By space, Newt means that vast empty region between his ears.

Sue4466 July 7, 2011 at 9:24 am

Forget Newt, WTF is with the video ads that just start running when the page loads? It's hard to get the snark on with some ad for hard water stains screaming at me.

And now it says "replay," like I'd want to go through that shit again.

PsycWench July 7, 2011 at 9:34 am

Any audio that starts automatically is grounds for the death penalty IMHO.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 9:58 am

There with Sue & Psyc on this. Loose the autostart audio ads dear Wonkette or I'll have to mark this site to block all ads, and share with the group how to do that. FWIW, I do find some of your ads interesting so I have not yet enforced the commercial banhammer on yer site.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 10:05 am

I generally dislike the blocking that gets done by the Air Force firewalls, but one that I do like is that (on those websites that I can get to) all ads are automatically blocked. Websites look completely different here at work than they do at home…

gurukalehuru July 7, 2011 at 10:38 am

I like the one with Kortney fellating the cucumber. Also, just to be a dick, I think you meant lose and not loose. I think.

Also, WTF Day of the Locus??

Fare la Volpe July 7, 2011 at 10:33 am

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE WON!

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 10:52 am

Yes, after you irritate the daylights out of me with autoplay, of course I'll give you money by buying whatever you're selling!

And how about the autoplay ads that you can't even close? People that respond to those ads (and there must be many of them) are undoubtedly the same droolers that believe that all Nigerian males are wealthy princes eager to give away hay bales of money to total strangers.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

OT: Are you Chessie like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland, or Chessie like the cat in the old-timey ads for Chesapeake Railroad, or is it somehow that you're both?

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Chessie for the railway (also name for the family cats as I was growing up) due to father's employment by one of the railroads that ended up merged with the Chessie System at some point. Also I like the Cheshire cat. :)

tessiee July 8, 2011 at 1:28 am

You might enjoy a book called, "The Cat Made Me Buy It!" by Alice Muncaster and Ellen Yanow. It's a collection of cats in book and magazine illustrations, sheet music (very popular in the pre-radio era), advertising art, etc. and includes a brief section about Chessie, her origin, the Chesapeake & Ohio Railway, and the Chessie System. There's also a book called "Rising from the Rails" which is a history of Pullman cars and Pullman porters that's worth a look.

Sue4466 July 7, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I was complaining about a different annoying ad to a friend and she said "but you remember the product, don't you?"

Yes, yes I do. So well that it's name provokes the same irritation as it's advert meaning I'm unlikely to purchase it. Ever.

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Exactly. And there are wonderful, witty ads for who knows what the product is.

Two elements, dear ad execs. We have to not be annoyed by the ad AND we should remember the product. It's not either/or.

deanbooth July 7, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Might I recommend to Wonkette a Donate button. K-Lo does it, so there's precedent.

I would gladly donate a dollar every time my pee goes up. (Will Wonkette send me a dollar when it goes down, as it has been, without explanation?)

freakishlywrong July 7, 2011 at 9:24 am

I'd like to see multiple marriages, plasticine blow up dolls, and goiters as heads for issues. But I probably won't. Not from this assclown anyway.

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 10:11 am

But I'll bet he will at least pause, tip his head to one side, and briefly consider the plasticine blow-up dolls…

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:25 am

hummm, blown plastine dolls . . .

Blown-up plastine dolls . . .

I'm getting close to something here . . .

DaRooster July 7, 2011 at 10:16 am

Haven't you seen enough already?

Urban_Achiever July 7, 2011 at 10:26 am

Have you considered forming a "goiters-as-heads" SuperPAC? You could tour the country in your own bus!!

freakishlywrong July 7, 2011 at 10:38 am

No bus left behind! I can paint the constitushion on it and raise monies for my vacations!

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:25 am

Discuss "Privatizing NASA; NIH reform; Repealing Dodd-Frank; Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley; Federal Reserve Monetary Policy, Creating Personal Social Security Accounts; Judicial Activism; Increased Funding for Brain Science"

Sounds exciting. Where's the clicky thing to sign up?

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 10:13 am

Let's prioritize the "Increased Funding for Brain Science", Newtie. Then maybe you and your "team" will come to your senses regarding the other items.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:40 pm

You have to be on Google+ to even get a nibble in at Newtie. (I haz a sad.)

donner_froh July 7, 2011 at 9:25 am

"Privatizing NASA"
Since all the potential Gingrich voters are space aliens, the topic selection makes perfect sense.

Fare la Volpe July 7, 2011 at 10:38 am

He's campaigning hard for those coveted Reptilian donors.

BarryOPotter July 7, 2011 at 10:43 am

Do they understand that in order to privatize nasa, there has to be a viable commercial market to do what nasa does. That could be a big ass problem when it comes to r&d, since nasa is the big fucking buyer. Who do these asshats expect to buy zero grav experiments that have no readily apparent commercial value, but will provide data for analysis and possibly lead to a commercial application down the road? And 'reform NIH?' Uh, could you first state what the problem is, why it's a problem and what solution you propose? No? Figures…

I couldn't keep looking at those comments. Too empty, like deep space…

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

"Privatizing NASA"

Newt thought it referred to the Nassau in the Bahamas.

Come here a minute July 7, 2011 at 9:26 am

It doesn't take a brain scientist to see that Newt doesn't care how stupid he looks, as long as he can keep his grift going.

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 10:18 am

He and Palin must have identical diplomas from Bernie Madoff's little known but quite profitable sideline business, The Academy of Political Grifting.

Terry July 7, 2011 at 9:26 am

"Increased Funding for Brain Science"

Would that be funding for the study of the human brain or funding for science in which people USE their brains. If it's the latter, brain use is something that the people remaining in the Republican Party don't especially support.

PsycWench July 7, 2011 at 9:37 am

Republicans are famously supportive of science until it disagrees with one of their main tenets, so…yeah.

powersuit July 7, 2011 at 9:38 am

So Newt apparently wants to scrap NIH (don't Republicans mean "kill" when they say "reform"?) but increase spending on brain science?

Either he thinks "brain science" is what all the Randians at the Cato Institute do, or he's a dumbass.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 9:45 am

Or "brain science" is something that personally effects him or his family; funnily Republicans tend to change their tune on government programs when they are personally involved.

finallyhappy July 7, 2011 at 10:30 am

"brain science"- because anyone who stilll supports Newt has no brain? As we at Wonkette know- "brain science" could constitute many areas(ok, I used to work with research money). Yes, GOPers usually want to shoot down scientific research- and they never understand it anyway. Except for the Creation museum

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:41 pm

I'm voting for "he's a dumbass."

GunToting[Redacted] July 7, 2011 at 9:40 am

File under "recipes."

gurukalehuru July 7, 2011 at 10:39 am

Millions for Brain Science! Not one penny for volcano monitoring!

inapewetrust July 7, 2011 at 11:53 am

classic goon trying to sound smart. "yeah, i'm into lots of things. war. tax cuts. uh…brain science."

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Or rocket surgery.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:26 am

"Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

It's too late.

PsycWench July 7, 2011 at 9:31 am

"Increased Funding for Brain Science.”
"Increased Funding for Brain Science.”
"Increased Funding for Brain Science.”
Still too late

DaRooster July 7, 2011 at 10:19 am

"Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

Yea! Newt loves funding…

Fare la Volpe July 7, 2011 at 10:35 am

That topic is nothing but shameless pandering to the zombie demographic.

DashboardBuddha July 7, 2011 at 9:28 am

Maybe with that funding of science, we can determine if Newt is a unethical doucebag once and for all:
http://news.discovery.com/human/facial-bone-struc

Chet Kincaid July 7, 2011 at 9:42 am

Seriously? The Discovery Channel is pushing junk-science from 150 years ago?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craniometry

Between this and the "findings" on diet pop a couple of days ago, maybe we shouldn't fund science if people are too fucking stupid to practice it, interpret it or write about it.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 9:47 am

Diet pop? How can you have a diet version of a loud noise?

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:49 am

It's quieter.

Chet Kincaid July 7, 2011 at 9:54 am

Are you from east of the pop/soda national dividing line?

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 10:03 am

You mean the soda/wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong dividing line.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 10:07 am

For some reason, we use the multi-cultural "soda pop" down in these parts.

horsedreamer_1 July 7, 2011 at 10:15 am

It's not so much a line as the Coasts call it Soda (Atlantic & Pacific, Canadian border to Mexican, no exception made for other regionalism (Southern U.S. Redneck, SoCal Beachbum)), & "Flyover Country (Red, Blue, & Purple) calls it Pop. With St. Louis & Milwaukee being the exceptions. It's Soda, correctly, in those areas, too.

DashboardBuddha July 7, 2011 at 9:57 am

Hey…it was good enough for the Nazis.

"Between this and the "findings" on diet pop a couple of days ago, maybe we shouldn't fund science if people are too fucking stupid to practice it, interpret it or write about it. "

Poor deluded fella…science is no longer about discovery…it's about making the next blockbuster drug or consumer product.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 10:05 am

Hey, we may not have cure for cancer or AIDS or even malaria, but we've got about half a dozen boner pills!

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Well … that is where the money is.

finallyhappy July 7, 2011 at 10:31 am

Discovery Channel and science have little in common- Discovery also has TLC- Extreme Couponing/Hoarders- it is all about the crazies.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 12:20 pm

The Loonie Channel

Angry_Marmot July 7, 2011 at 9:52 am

Define "unethical".

DashboardBuddha July 7, 2011 at 10:05 am

Well, for starters pretty much Newt does. I'll let the philosophers sort out the fine details.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Stuff like this, to me, is like reading your horoscope in the paper. It's kinda fun, and sometimes on-point, but it's more for entertainment than meant to be taken as gospel graven in stone.

DashboardBuddha July 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Yeah, I know. I was just using the science to make fun of Newty newt newt. Lol…like we need a study to tell us that newt is an unethical lying sack of dung.

Boredw/Gravitas July 7, 2011 at 9:28 am

Privatizing space exploration and travel? Yeah, I don't see any potential problems with that.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 9:36 am

Now the Weyland-Yutani corporation has some great ideas about setting up a space colony on Planet LV-426.

Fare la Volpe July 7, 2011 at 10:40 am

I just popped a raging nerd boner. From my chest.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:57 am

Well, it certainly has worked out well for the British railway system.
http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?ar

DashboardBuddha July 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

that's just commie propaganda. We all know that the free market will run things efficiently. What Britain should do is lower corporate taxes and forbid lawsuits for any reason, but especially injuries.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 10:11 am

"Well, you didn't lower the taxes, so of course the bridge collapsed sending 240 train commuters to their deaths in the inky depths of the Firth of Forth. You stupid socialist."

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:30 am

Thereby lowering healthcare and pension expenses

MaxUdargo July 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Well, he made a good point in the last debate about NASA "standing in the way" of private space travel. Because, you know, space is really narrow and small, and with NASA clogging up space with all those shuttles and probes and rovers and stuff, there really hasn't been any room for anybody else. I think it's time we free up some space and make room for the small businessman. Stop hogging all the space, NASA!

Monsieur_Grumpe July 7, 2011 at 9:28 am

The marshmallow human in his later years…

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4

Newt-In-A-Jar

ttommyunger July 7, 2011 at 9:46 am

Hopefully he is in his later years. I'm guessing his arteries are as hard as a preacher's dick.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Now that's the kind of snark I live and breathe for. May I use that? "hard as a preacher's dick." Mmm-mm good.

ttommyunger July 8, 2011 at 8:50 am

Might as well, I stole it from someone else.

PristineODummy July 8, 2011 at 1:18 pm

That's even better. I won't have to pay royalties in my precious new potatoes. (Hey, I'z a Poorz. You want royalties, talk Koch.)

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:28 am

"the topics should be very narrow"

to go with the minds.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 9:37 am

But not the waists.

donner_froh July 7, 2011 at 9:28 am

Mandatory first question for all hangouts, no matter what the topic is always a/s/l.

ThundercatHo July 7, 2011 at 10:27 am

Next question: Newt Gingrich f/m/k?

PsycWench July 7, 2011 at 9:29 am

If he wants to draw people in, a better topic would involve Monday-morning quarterbacking the Casey Anthony trial.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 10:13 am

Casey Anthony trial
How many bazillions of eyeball hours were lost to that poof? Sad, yes, but the above-the-fold item for the last couple of weeks. Geesh.

Chet Kincaid July 7, 2011 at 10:29 am

At least Professional Loser Marcia Clark is getting work now, doing butt-hurt color commentary.

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

Like I needed one more reason to shoot my TV, but thank you anyway.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Never paid attention to it until the last couple of days, but it has been worth it to see Nancy Grace stroking out on T.V.

trampndirtdown July 7, 2011 at 9:30 am

Where's the rocket surgery panel?

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Whoops, I had not seen this before responding to an earlier comment. I just knew there was something wrong with brain science…

ifthethunderdontgetya July 7, 2011 at 9:31 am

Newt is still running?

I'd cheer if this was the Special Olympics or something like that…
~

weejee July 7, 2011 at 10:14 am

Newt has the runs

fixed

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

And, according to a report on NPR yesterday, his campaign is already a million dollars in the red.
This is the kind of fiscal responsibility America needs!

muthalovin July 7, 2011 at 9:31 am

More like Google-, ammiright?

BarryOPotter July 7, 2011 at 10:50 am

Are you here all week?! Google-! HA! Me likey…

muthalovin July 7, 2011 at 10:55 am

Please tip your waitresses.

Grief_Lessons July 7, 2011 at 9:33 am

This is the new face of campaigning in the 21st century: using the vast, world-wide penetration of the internet to find nine people who want to hear from you. Much easier than standing on a street corner yelling and handing out Xeroxed pamphlets.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Have to admit, does cut back on the sun block usage.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Also less likelihood of getting pinched by the coppers.

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 9:33 am

US space policy: How come we got so dang much space out west and so little back east?

What will it take to get some of that out west space back east?

If we could move an acre of Wyoming to Manhattan, we could wipe out the Federal debt!

ttommyunger July 7, 2011 at 9:48 am

Or better yet, move Texas and Arizona to Mars.

LiveToServeYa July 7, 2011 at 9:38 am

Soon, he'll be challenging the Paultards for the presidency of Second Life and World of Warcraft. (New word: irrelevanter)

Gleem_McShineys July 7, 2011 at 6:30 pm

My level 45 irrelevangelist is riding his irrelephant!

KeepFnThatChicken July 7, 2011 at 9:38 am

I'm going to visit Chat Russian Roulette now.

weejee July 7, 2011 at 10:15 am

Hopefully you'll find Newt there playing with an automatic.

NorthStarSpanx July 7, 2011 at 9:39 am

So, nine people are stuck with Newt in a chat room? Where' s the panic button?

horsedreamer_1 July 7, 2011 at 9:39 am

This is Good News… for Apollo 440!

Poindexter718 July 7, 2011 at 9:39 am

That chat room couldn't even contain all his wives, if the cancerous dead ones are allowed to join.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Not dead yet!

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 9:40 am

So Newt wants our brains; sorry has-been, you ain't getting mine, you'll have to make do with the barely functional one you've got.

Weenus299 July 7, 2011 at 9:40 am

I'm superpokin' him.

samsuncle July 7, 2011 at 9:42 am

Why no picture of Calista? Oh, thats right they put her in a wax museum.

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 9:58 am

How can you tell?

widestanceroman July 7, 2011 at 10:08 am

And they charged all the people $1,500 just to see her.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 10:24 am

And for an extra five-hundo, you get an upskirt of the Barbie-doll pudenda.

widestanceroman July 7, 2011 at 10:34 am

Then we'll know if the carpet matches the drapes, which is to say, whether it is also a snow white igloo shape.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Which is undoubtedly bald and chicken-like from repeated pluckings of teh hairz. And flabby. Ew, I think I has a soft-on.

neiltheblaze July 7, 2011 at 9:42 am

See? Newt has been unchained – unleashed even – now that all his advisers have all deserted him. Let Newt be Newt!!!1!

metamarcisf July 7, 2011 at 9:43 am

Increased funding for brain science is the winner here. Especially if it involves using the entire field of GOP candidates as guinea pigs.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 9:47 am

To paraphrase the United Negro College Fund slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing."

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:01 am

Richard Pror's Ignited Negro Fund: A mind is a terrible thing to baste.

Weenus299 July 7, 2011 at 10:07 am

Watched Brewster's Millions several times recently. Reminded me how coked up he was, all the time.

BarryOPotter July 7, 2011 at 10:55 am

Alien Jourgensen's greatest album: "A mind is a terrible thing to taste"

DaSandman July 7, 2011 at 9:44 am

The Salamander lives in a complex world where he is either considering the dire issues that face our great nation or spending hundreds of thousands a week bedazzling Callista's twat.

Brain science indeed. They ought save his for further study.

Poindexter718 July 7, 2011 at 9:44 am

Didn't that witchy woman from Delaware who ran for senate warn us about Brain Science and its efforts to graft a human brain onto a mouse (or do I have that backwards?)?
Why does Newt Gingrinch want to create a new race of rodent that will take over America? Didn't he see "Ben" back in 1973?

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:06 am

Does anyone remember a Schrub SOU address where he vowed to stop human-animal hybrids?

WTF is this about? Is this something that is only on FauxNews/GlenBeckistan so no rational person has heard about it?

(Love me the Ben BTW.)

horsedreamer_1 July 7, 2011 at 10:16 am

It's prolly an abortion/stem-call dogwhistle, on the order of Dred Scott (but even more opaque).

finallyhappy July 7, 2011 at 10:34 am

My mom had a pig valve in her heart-that says it all.

OC_Surf_Serf July 7, 2011 at 9:46 am

Newt is sure looking like an older, puffier and meaner version of killer doll Chucky

baconzgood July 7, 2011 at 9:46 am

Here are some other ideas for your topics.

Who the fuck names thier kid Newt?

How to shut down the country during economic prosperity cause the prez (who you've been slinging mud at) doesn't want to sit next to you on a plane.

How to leave your wife on a cancer bed. A step by step tutorial.

slush funds and you.

Baconz didn't forget about "rubbergate"

Oh and this website is worthy of a little discussion. http://www.realchange.org/gingrich.htm

PubOption July 7, 2011 at 9:54 am

I assume that his full name is Newton, if it is, he should use his full name, for the gravitas.

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:40 am

Newton was rong bout gravitas-Our jew says it's warped space

Newt is probly imbareassed about the connection

Boredw/Gravitas July 7, 2011 at 11:11 am

I'm bored with gravitas.

PristineODummy July 8, 2011 at 12:01 am

Nicetomeetchu.

BarryOPotter July 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

Who the fuck names thier kid Newt?

Gussie Fink-Nottle: "At the time, I thought it quite clever. Didn't imagine it would come to this, did I…"

ttommyunger July 7, 2011 at 9:49 am

Oh, Newt! You so hip, so horny, so fat, so ugly. Me hate you long time!

James Michael Curley July 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

Somebody spent a day or two on Tu Do Street.

ttommyunger July 7, 2011 at 10:06 am

Not me. Never went there.

BaldarTFlagass July 7, 2011 at 10:25 am

Or Magsaysay Drive.

EatsBabyDingos July 7, 2011 at 9:49 am

My research indicates that Newt brains cost $1,000 a pound, while normal brains are $1.98 at the $1.98 Store. Something about needing a dozen Newts to make a pound of brains.

Newt needs to fling more monkey poo.

PristineODummy July 8, 2011 at 12:02 am

I thought it was because *Newt's* brain has never been used, unlike normal ones.

DerrickWildcat July 7, 2011 at 9:50 am

He knows a ;ot about computers. He could probably fix yours.

ManchuCandidate July 7, 2011 at 9:52 am

Brain Science? Why bother? Any increases in intelligence will make Newt's gang Democraps or Liebruls anyway.

x111e7thst July 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

Is there a special "Hangout" for Repuke losers that Bachmann is kicking the shit out of? Newty could go hang out there with TeePaw.

BarryOPotter July 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

Is there a special "Hangout" for Repuke losers that Bachmann is kicking the shit out of?

Yes, but Michele's boudoir has a weight limit, and she's not a chubby chaser like that Calista woman, but to be fair, Calista's not really hotty-for-Newt's-body, but, uh Tiffany's…

CapeClod July 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

Maybe he can talk about human/animal hybrids, since he is 30% tapeworm.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:46 pm

His appearance and (shudder) sexual behavior suggest at least some pig in the mixture.

fuflans July 7, 2011 at 9:54 am

this guy.

mumbly_joe July 7, 2011 at 9:55 am

Actually, Hangouts sound pretty perfect for reaching every person who's going to vote for Newt and hosting a conversation between them.

Hell, they could even loop in Callista and the Gingrich campaign's remaining staffers with room to spare.

Eve8Apples July 7, 2011 at 9:56 am

"Hooray, Newt is also president of space."

No space blimp = no space presidency.

ManchuCandidate July 7, 2011 at 10:14 am

He is a space blimp, but fueled by Reese's Peanut Butter Cups not Hydrazine.

fuflans July 7, 2011 at 9:58 am

can we get wonkette spin on murdoch crisis?

weejee July 7, 2011 at 10:01 am

For one of Neut's topics how about "what can the gubbermint do for you if you haven't seen your penis in 40 years"?

Weenus299 July 7, 2011 at 10:04 am

Hey Newt? What if a democratic-party president considers cutting Social Security and Medicare? Would that be a pigs-fly scenario or a mere end of the fuckdog US of A?

freakishlywrong July 7, 2011 at 10:11 am

And the thugs still won't make a deal. They'll just demand more and more. That's why you don't negotiate with terrorists.

Weenus299 July 7, 2011 at 10:06 am

Brain science. Fuckall. It's called Newtrology.

elviouslyqueer July 7, 2011 at 10:08 am

My team and I are considering how to best use Hangouts

Um, Newt? The voices in your head do not count as a "team." Also, the only thing interested in hanging out with you is your distended, porcine adipose tissue.

DarwinianDemon July 7, 2011 at 10:09 am

I want to hear his policy on slave girls and capturing rebel thug Han Solo

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm

And a cookie.

mereoblivion July 7, 2011 at 10:13 am

Do his Hangoutees get Reese's Cups?

DaRooster July 7, 2011 at 10:13 am

"…Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

Uh oh… someone has discovered a precursor to Alzheimer's… does 'splain a lot…

KeepFnThatChicken July 7, 2011 at 10:19 am

He's using John Edwards' "Two Americas" argument. There's the one America that can currently use Google+, and the one that cannot.

Mumbletypeg July 7, 2011 at 10:20 am

ugh – It's too early in the morning for looking at Mr. marshmallow fluff'n'stuffed. Unless America's grossest lard-Peep wants to weigh in on (again):Hersey's vs. Reese's?

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 11:00 am

Please don't associate Peeps (finest food ever) with bloat boy. Thank you for your consideration.

genxr July 7, 2011 at 10:20 am

Republican brain science = Rush Limbaugh imitating someone with Parkinsons disease.

finallyhappy July 7, 2011 at 10:37 am

How that didn't sink that disgusting drugged out tub of lard- I will never understand. And by the way, his tea ads are on bus stops in downtown DC- and as most of the people who ride the buses are people of color(and me- I ride the Green line and the bus that runs along the green line)- I do not think they will be buying that shit.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:49 pm

"How that didn't sink that disgusting drugged out tub of lard- I will never understand."

Apparently, nothing can sink those people.
Rush, Sarah, the whole gang of them — they could run down the street with the severed head of a Cub Scout in one hand, and their supporters would still follow them, while bleating about how Dems are fanatical about Obama.

iburl July 7, 2011 at 10:23 am

9 books x $39.99 x 50 hangouts = $17,995.50

Callista, we're going back to Santorini!

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:46 am

Callista: "Oh Newt that is so sweet. I guess that means I am going to have to let you touch me again."

DaRooster July 7, 2011 at 10:27 am

"Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms Broom Closets"

genxr July 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

And with that, Google+ officially stopped being cool on July 2, 2011.

hagajim July 7, 2011 at 10:42 am

“My team and I are considering how to best use Hangouts" to get me a newer wife, Calista is old news now.

starfanglednut July 7, 2011 at 10:42 am

Newt's campaign is obvs going nowhere. He should take a page from Ron Paul and break out the Newt Gingrich blimp.

Oh wait…

kissawookiee July 7, 2011 at 10:50 am

so as to attract [nine] people to care

Oh, Newt, always aiming for the sky.

OneDollarJuana July 7, 2011 at 10:51 am

Ten people, huh? That's just about the perfect number for a circle jerk.

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 11:03 am

Ten fat naked puzzled people looking at each other and trying to figure out what exactly they are supposed to jerk.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I have told you and told you, stop looking in my windows!

mavenmaven July 7, 2011 at 10:58 am

Nothing about cutting funding for volcano research? RINO!

V572 [SSAN] July 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

Can we please have some Casey Anthony news on this Web site?

starfanglednut July 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

"You could narrow cast, but record it (if possible) and than offer it up via itunes, and other services.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

It would be vastly outsold by the weekly soundtrack from Glee.

tymberwolf817 July 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

Google+ devolves into a hideous version of livejournal thanks to Newt in 3 . . . 2 . . .

Nothingisamiss July 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

Iconoclastic, KKK-colored Bard of the googles.

user-of-owls July 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

It’s free, you said, right?

Are you sure his campaign can afford that?

phlox✔ July 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

There's a handy link to Google + on Newt's Friendster profile.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Yeah; unfortunately, you need a Betamax to access it.

Redhead July 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

"Increased Funding for Brain Science"

No matter how much funding you throw at it, Newt, you're never going to be able to find the teabaggers' brains (at least not without a proctologist)

comrad_darkness July 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

That picture is so out of date. In reality, the man resembles a hag.

comrad_darkness July 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

>Repealing Dodd-Frank; Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley;

Also, gosh, tiny little bits of financial regulation enacted after the second worst financial debacle in U.S. history caused by three decades of systematic deregulation. My god! The horror! They have to go!!

An_Outhouse July 7, 2011 at 12:32 pm

When I heard Newt was polling at 4 +/- 10% in New Hampshire I figured he must have relatives there. Who the fuck are all the losers posting over there? "Repealing Sarbanes-Oxley would make my job in IT better!" What the FUCK does that even mean? They definitely should be researching brain transplants or at least brain plants.

An_Outhouse July 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm

plus.google.com/u/0/108373054660269328912/posts/52DV3fDTSf3#108373054660269328912/posts/52DV3fDTSf3

That's a handy URL to remember. Good job, Google!

Andrew Drinker July 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I'm surprised he's still taking himself seriously when absolutely no one else anywhere is anymore.

lochnessmonster July 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm

How about discussing the space between your ears, Newt?

GortRay July 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm

They should have a hangout thing to repeal relativity and quantum mechanics. They're just too danged hard for real Muricans to unnerstand and that means thay ain't true.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm

"Increased Funding for Brain Science"

I can haz moar munnys 4 big an smart thinkz?

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

"Increased Funding for Brain Science.”

No more having to rely on cheapo suppliers like Abby Normal.

OldRedneck July 7, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Is anyone CERTAIN that Newt Gingrich is a real person?

I mean . . . his "wife" is a latex blow-up doll and I'm betting he's a hologram image projected by a little guy behind an emerald-colored curtain.

ChessieNefercat July 7, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Well, that would explain a lot, wouldn't it?

deanbooth July 7, 2011 at 6:31 pm

If the Constitution was written in a Hangout, we wouldn't have had the 3/5ths clause.

Reagan Still Dead July 7, 2011 at 10:07 am

No, no, soda is for baking.

ThundercatHo July 7, 2011 at 10:23 am

It may be regional but soda pop is correctly called pop and soda refers to plain soda water. When I lived on the left coast and VA people could always tell I was a midwesterner because I said (correctly!) pop.

GOPCrusher July 7, 2011 at 12:19 pm

POP LIBEL!!! TROLL ALERT!! TROLL ALERT!!!

DaRooster July 7, 2011 at 10:10 am

"Here ya go bitch… later"?

riverside68 July 7, 2011 at 10:21 am

shit sack?

Fare la Volpe July 7, 2011 at 10:29 am

Newting her.

V572 [SSAN] July 7, 2011 at 10:45 am

What material on Wonkette could possibly offend anyone in Wisconsin?

Oh yeah, now I remember.

BarryOPotter July 7, 2011 at 10:47 am

Biggie Pop got capped!!!!

Chet Kincaid July 7, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Yes! We must save our flames for the REAL enemy–the smug bastards who use charcoal instead of propane!!

genxr July 7, 2011 at 10:50 am

We build it, conservatives invade and claim it.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm

"Sorry Google – if you're going to let lowlifes like Newt Gingrich supporters on before me, I'm just not that into you."

I recently read a library book by Patton Oswalt where he relates an anecdote about a boss who was not only obnoxious but also unethical, and says something like, "I suddenly realized that I actually *wanted* him to dislike me. He was such an awful, worthless, crappy person, that if he thought I was OK, it would injure my self-esteem."

PristineODummy July 8, 2011 at 12:06 am

Interesting. I'm pretty annoyed about it too.

Native_of_SL_UT July 7, 2011 at 11:00 am

All of it.

SorosBot July 7, 2011 at 11:06 am

You mean they could tell you were a midwesterner because you said incorrectly pop. Pop's a word with its' own meaning that has has nothing to do with drinks; soda only means soda, the drink, and it would be ridiculous for it to just refer to soda water because no one ever refers to soda water.

Chet Kincaid July 7, 2011 at 11:44 am

Truly you are a scholar, with your invisible citations and your "no one evers"!

Chet Kincaid July 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

Cleveland and Chicago represent for Team Pop!

But more importantly and on-topic, people who say "soda" would steal their mother's dentures while she sleeps and sell them for train fare, according to the Discovery Channel.

An_Outhouse July 7, 2011 at 12:18 pm

,Katie

HistoriCat July 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Hank Hill – is that you?HANK: Now, you'll think about what I said? WYNONA JUDD: I was raised with charcoal, I'll die with charcoal. So back off!

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Haw!

A couple of weeks after I moved out of NJ, I was in the supermarket with some roommates, and asked them for "soda". Roommate 1 came back with a box of baking soda. I said, "No, smart-ass, SODA! Coca-cola!" He said, with an air of discovery, "Ohhhh! You mean POP!" We had the predictable argument, then he pointed to the sign over the aisle, which, indeed, said Pop. They also had something called "Red Pop", which struck me as the ultimate junk food — it wasn't even pretending to have a flavor.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 11:31 pm

^^^ this.

ttommyunger July 8, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Royalties! We don't need no stinkin royalties!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: