voting is overrated

Ohio Voters Will Now Have to Read Maps

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If you live in Ohio and have a poor sense of direction, you should not bother voting now. Ohio has decided that directing confused people to the correct polls is a terrible hassle, and could result in more votes that need to be counted, which is a chore! Apparently it “is the duty of the individual casting the ballot to ensure that the individual is casting that ballot in the correct precinct.” What happened to all the friendly Midwesterners? They have all turned into angry poll workers, because this is the law.

Last week, the GOP-led House passed an election law overhaul without the highly restrictive voter ID provision. However, the House tweaked the bill to weaken a law mandating poll workers to direct voters in the wrong precinct to their correct voting location.

As the Cleveland Plain Dealer pointed out, mixing up precincts “most often occurs” in “urban and impoverished areas of the state,” leading Turner to sarcastically suggest of Republicans, “I guess the loss of votes for some doesn’t matter.” The bill now heads to Ohio Gov. John Kasich (R) for signature.


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Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  • Madfall

    Google maps thank you for the business Ohio.

  • nounverb911

    This is good news for the literate.

    • hagajim

      That's bad news for Ohioans though.

  • ManchuCandidate

    US America and maps don't mix.

    Just ask Miss Souf Carolina 2007.

    • CapeClod

      And such.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    If a scriptwriter developed a supervillain character with attributes of the current GOP, it would be rejected as being way too unbelievably evil.

    • baconzgood

      Or he'd be cast as some sort of toung-in-cheek villain played by Mike Myers.

      • BloviateMe

        We're talking GOP, so it'd be tongue-in-buttcheek.

    • FlownOver

      Or he would be campaigning in Iowa already.

  • nounverb911

    Does Diebold make maps?

    • Andrew Drinker

      Gov. Kasich probably has a buddy that runs a map-making company. That's how all Ohio legislation has pretty much trended since he was sworn in.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It should be easy for the Democrats to send mass mailings to registered Republicans to direct them to the wrong polling places, on the wrong day.

    Oh wait, that's the Republican strategy.

  • Radiotherapy®

    It's kind of like a blind squirrel looking for an acorn.

    • BlueMonkeh


  • edgydrifter

    Not to be outdone, Indiana will make showing up at the wrong polling place a felony.

    • Preferred Customer

      Well, it is attempted voter fraud. Probably already a felony.

      • JustPixelz

        Voter fraud would have to involve intentionally registering in two jurisdictions or impersonating a legitimate voter or some other nefarious deed. Merely showing up and asking "is this where I vote?" is insufficient for arrest. Your move Indiana.

      • Andrew Drinker

        But apparently being an election official and adding about 15,000 votes to some Republican's vote total isn't a felony voter fraud.


        • horsedreamer_1

          I cannot wait for the post-plastic-surgery reveal for Ms Nickolaus.

          You know it's coming. Heritage is cutting the check.

    • MinAgain

      And Tennessee, accepting Indiana's challenge, will make showing up at the wrong polling place grounds for automatic revocation of citizenship and immediate deportation.

      • BarryOPotter

        grounds for automatic revocation of citizenship and immediate deportation

        …get ready to receive, Kentucky!

    • FlownOver

      Can't match Kris Kobach of Kansas and his Felony Voting While Brown law.

    • Negropolis

      To race Indiana to the legislative bottom, the state of Texas will make it a capitol offense to show up at the wrong polling locale.

  • Callyson

    Dear Ohio Republicans:
    Get lost!

  • ttommyunger

    WILL Kasich sign it? The suspense is palpable! Hahahahaha!

    • Preferred Customer

      Shh…no one tell him if he signs it in the wrong place.

  • ifthethunderdontgetya

    I know where my polling place is, not that it did any good in 2010.

    But this is typical of Republican strategy in at least 17 different states now, not just Ohio.

    Keep people from voting, just like Kitty Harris did in Florida back in 2000.

    • GOPCrusher

      Several states have passed laws eliminating or shortening early voting. I have not heard yet, but I would imagine that the next step is to try to totally eliminate absentee voting.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    However, the House tweaked the bill to weaken a law mandating poll workers to direct voters in the wrong precinct to their correct voting location.

    Yeah, like them sweet little old blue-haired volunteer ladies down at the polling stations won't do the neighborly thing and tell people the proper place for them to vote. Nice try, Repubs, but not everyone is as mean and stingy and selfish as you.

    • baconzgood



      • horsedreamer_1

        That's his roleplay with Lynne.

    • JustPixelz

      voter: Can you tell me where I go to vote?
      blue-haired-volunteer: Do you believe in Jeebus?
      voter: Why, yes!
      blue-haired-volunteer gives detailed directions, offers cookies and a ride, etc
      next voter: Why, no!
      blue-haired-volunteer pulls comically large lever opening trap door to alligator pit under the floor

      • GOPCrusher

        Why do I picture the part of the Blue-Haired-Volunteer portrayed by John Cleese?

  • Schmannnity

    Small print proviso: if you show up at the wrong precinct and are Black, you may be shot on sight.

    • Papa_Uniform

      Mmmm, Ohio is finally catching up with Mississippi.

      • GOPCrusher

        I thought it was S.O.P. in Mississippi to hang a darkie from the tree outside the polling place? That way you don't have to worry about them showing up at the wrong precinct.

    • mayor_quimby

      I always wear my vest when voting, but damn, this shit is getting old!

  • baconzgood

    (In my Andy Rooney voice)

    Did ya ever notice…the less voters that show up at the polls the greater the chance for a republican victory?

    Then a long speal about Eisenhower and not knowing what to do with all the old typewriter ribbons I never got a chance to use.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Aww, I kinda miss that lovable old coot.

      (He's dead, right?)

    • GOPCrusher

      Watched a show on the Military Channel over the weekend. Did not know that Andy Rooney was a card carrying America Firster. In fact, even after Germany declared war on the U.S., he still didn't agree that America should get involved in a war in Europe.

  • metamarcisf

    This law may be controversial but just look at all the money the State will save by misdirecting drunken Ohio State students to the nearest liquor store.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Dreamer! That's the first thing they learn after arrival at the dorm. Anything after that is considered advanced.

    • Andrew Drinker

      "No, no, your precinct is at the Out-R-Inn. And you're not allowed to vote until you win a game of cornhole."

    • BarryOPotter

      …misdirecting drunken Ohio State students to the nearest liquor store

      How the hell is a refueling stop considered "misdirecting?" ["It says "wonkette" in the address bar, but something seems off, not quit right…"]

  • widestanceroman

    I trust conservapedia will develop an app for that.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I don't understand why Republicans don't just abandon all pretense and just say outright that they hate n***ers.

    You hear that, Herman Cain and Alan Keyes? THEY REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE YOU.

    • Reagan Still Dead

      After they vote instead of I VOTED stickers maybe they'll get YUP I'M RACIST ones.

    • Andrew Drinker

      Herman and Alan hate them too.

    • GOPCrusher

      I think Michael Steele finally got the hint.

  • ManchuCandidate

    At this point, wouldn't it be a great idea to start the ACORN Map company?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Heh. Too puzzling to find your precinct voting place on one of those babies, though.

  • Mahousu

    The Republicans may want to rethink this strategy. I know in the past disenfranchising "information-poor" voters was seen as a plus for them but, well, have they looked at their base lately?

  • Reagan Still Dead

    Not a really good vote of confidence for their own policies if they're trying to discourage voting. Makes them seem like they've got something to hide.

    • GOPCrusher

      Not really. They still believe that only white, male, land owners should be allowed to vote.

  • DaRooster

    Meh…It hasn't mattered if people show up at polls in Ohio for quite a few years.

    Diebold/Bad Map 2012

    • Andrew Drinker

      It mattered under former Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner.


  • baconzgood

    I need your help here Wonkeers.

    Does this fall under "Frog in a pan" or "Not with a bang but a wimper" category for our democracy? AHHHHHHH FUCK IT! I'm just going to be content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57. Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer….

    • Ducksworthy

      I just discovered that Soupy Sales is on public (socialist) TeeVee in MN.

    • Andrew Drinker

      They're good, fine people, Stuart. But they don't know…WHAT THE QUEERS ARE DOING TO THE SOIL!

      • baconzgood

        UP FIST! I KNOW SOMEONE WOULD GET THAT!!!! MR. DRINKER you're soooooooooo punk rock.

  • widestanceroman

    More dread in Ohio.

  • mavenmaven

    Wonder if Herman Cain will dare complain?

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Where's Ohio?

    • nounverb911

      Someplace in the middle, I flew over it one or two hundred times.

      • Andrew Drinker

        Try not to confuse us with Iowa.

        • starfanglednut

          Which one is full of corn?

          All of 'em, Katie!

      • mayor_quimby

        I am fucking lucky to have avoided visiting Ohio, even though I did have to go to Michigan, Bloomington IN, Nebraska and Idaho. Small price to pay for skipping that shithole, at least Nebraska had gigantic steaks, E-85, and the Kool-Aid museum.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Two and a half hours in *that* direction, from Texas. I visit Dayton once every quarter and have determined that Wilbur and Orville invented the airplane in order to get the fuck out of there.

    • Negropolis

      Next to the State of Denial

  • BloviateMe

    It's like the movie Mean Girls, but with fat white guys.

    There really is no low they won't sink to.

    • widestanceroman

      It's not that much of a sink from so low a starting point.

    • Preferred Customer

      You've just described all of corporate America.

  • Pragmatist2

    I think liberals should create a fund and then hire Acorn to direct people to the right polling place at all the Republican precincts. It will just cause these people to implode.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Never work. You think an old white Republican is gonna let a negro tell 'em where to go?

  • weejee

    Perhaps encourage groups of black males to congregate in front of white pollz?

    • FlownOver

      Leather jacket and beret optional.

  • SayItWithWookies

    On the bright side, figuring out how to read a map will be more education than most poor Ohioans get from their public schools.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      STEP ONE: Find ass in dark room with both hands. (allow sufficient time)
      STEP TWO: Find map (allow sufficient time)
      STEP THREE: Unfold map (allow a lot of sufficient time)
      STEP FOUR: Orient map (too hard, too hard. Return to STEP ONE)

  • SorosBot

    "leading Turner to sarcastically suggest of Republicans, “I guess the loss of votes for some doesn’t matter.” "

    Wrong, Turner, it matters, it is the entire point of this law, because the Constitution now prevents the Republicans from just banning black people from voting or instituting poll taxes they've got to find some slightly sneakier way of preventing many black people from voting.

    • GOPCrusher

      Jimmy Carter needs to stay in the U.S. to investigate unfair voting practices. Third world countries are in better shape then us.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    If we lived in Ohio, my wife would never vote again.

  • BloviateMe

    I never trusted that damned state. The gaudy proliferation of vowels breeds odd behaviors.

    • emmelemm

      Iowa, also, too.

  • inapewetrust

    i don't see what all the fuss is – they're just finally cutting all the fat out of the, uh…direction-giving portion of the state, um, budget. yeah, that's the ticket. nothing to see here!

  • KotBR

    Kasich will sign this, then send an email to Scott Walker. Subject line: Your Move

  • freakishlywrong

    When does all this rigging of elections just start screaming "voter fraud"? Remember, what ever the wingnuts accuse filthy libs of doing, it's already in the works.

    • SorosBot

      Not fraud; this is voter intimidation. They scream about "voter fraud", which doesn't exist, as an excuse to pass legislation designed to prevent poor black people from voting. Whenever a conservative screams about "voter fraud", what they really mean is they want to bring back Jim Crow, even in states that didn't have it.

      • GOPCrusher

        But they use the Messicans and other undocumented immigrants as their excuse.

    • Sue4466

      When the GOP does it, it's not voter fraud. It's "ensuring fair elections."

      • FlownOver

        "Sanctity of the ballot" and "sanctity of the bullet."

        Potato, potato.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Ohio Republicans also announced that in minority districts, all voters must be able to swim across a full size pool to vote.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      While carrying a bowling ball.

      • GOPCrusher

        Filled with alligators.

        • Negropolis

          Whilst chummed. Also, piranha. Lots and lots of piranha.

  • SorosBot

    It looks like this is Blair third non-Monday FLOTUS File post this week; does this mean she's been promoted from weekly specialist to regular contributor?

  • MissusBarry

    It just makes me sad. I mean, sure, I expect nasty Ohio rethugs to dream up ways to disenfranchise people. More compelling and tragic, to me, is that we still have individuals and groups who will be disadvantaged by this particular move. 'Murkkkin fucking exceptionalism. Now tell me more about how vouchers are good for education because they create competition.

  • JustPixelz

    Oh jobs, jobs, jobs this new Republican law creates.

  • not that Dewey

    I went back to Ohio, but my polling place was gone.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      You're in deep shit, Dewey. Not only can you not vote now but they'll charge you with destruction of property. (Uh, can you work on making the whole state disappear?)

  • ThundercatHo

    You know, there are some really nice people in Ohio and then there's the Republicans.

  • tymberwolf817

    Meanwhile each of the urban polling places will have, like, three machines per school auditorium, only two of which are actually functional. While the rural districts will have vast acres of machines, swaying in the breeze like graceful Iowa corn.

  • mumbly_joe

    Of course, lack of information and misinformation about where and how to vote are collectively the single greatest source of dropped votes, with votes cast in the wrong presinct being the second largest source of disqualified votes, alone. And, the rationale for Ohio doing this "just because". It's not even about those scary people voting under fake names thing that never happens.

    I mean, come on. If the New Black Panthers with their one nightstick had intimidated two people from voting, then this would literally ten thousand times the civil rights violation that that was. Of course, the New Black Panthers actually intimidated ZERO people out of voting, but nevermind that, it's clearly the voter rights case of the century and this thing is actually really just about FREEDUMB

    no snark, only lengthy rants.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This just shows that there is a vast difference between voter fraud (ACORN helping minorities vote) and voting reform (Republicans keeping minorities from voting).

  • Redhead

    Better them than Alaska voters

  • Arken

    The Ohio government then announced all polling places in central Cleveland and Cincinnati could be found in various locked basements.

    • Negropolis

      Actually, I hear all of central Cleveland precincts have been moved to a location off the coast of Cleveland in Lake Erie.

  • sportshort

    But if you forget that you are black, or poor, or otherwise disenfranchised, they will happy to remind you and guide you to your respective margins. Where you shall remain marginalized for the duration of the election cycle. And beyond. Forever. So die, already.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    You KNOW this is either following up a buttload of polling location changes, or will be followed up with polling location changes. Only in "certain areas," of course.

    Dirty trickster shitbags.

  • Negropolis

    Honestly, how horrible are these people? This is cartoon-level villainy. These idiots seem like they are absolutely trying to get Barack Obama re-elected, and some of their asses tossed out in 2012.

  • glamourdammerung

    It is strange that the conservatives sure are trying to rig the polls considering how confident they keep claiming to be about next year. One might think they do not even believe their own nonsense at this point.

  • Negropolis

    Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels;

    Jesus much, you souless, hypocrite Bible-thumpers?