MATH PROBLEMS  6:01 pm July 5, 2011

Rick Santorum Accuses Awful Obama of Best Employment Policy On Earth

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

we will go ahead and wager her math skills are better than his.Frozen shitsicle Rick Santorum went on CNN today to remind everyone that he cannot do math, he is illiterate and he has no idea how many people live or work in the United States, all in under 60 seconds. Here is the world according to Rick: gigantic failure Barack Obama created “only” 240 million jobs for everyone who wanted one, instead of the 280 million he promised them. So basically Obama is the “worst” best jobs president in the history of ever, since the American labor force is made up of 153 million people who now all have roughly 1.5 jobs to thank him for. Video after the jump:

Santorum is screwing up the numbers from a recent administration report about the number of jobs generated by the stimulus, which the Council of Economic Advisers put at between 2.4 and 3.6 million. So, he cannot read. When CNN host Ali Velshi asks him what in the hell he is talking about, he babbles words that end in him saying the stimulus cost America 30 million jobs because of this mystery report that said 280 million jobs, and now 240 million jobs, which equals negative 30 million. This takes place between the :30 and 1:30 mark.

Maybe there should be some math problems on the presidential campaign filing paperwork. [ThinkProgress]

 
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{ 259 comments }

smitallica July 5, 2011 at 6:06 pm

What is this asshole frothing about now?

DashboardBuddha July 5, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I see what you did there.

Radiotherapy® July 5, 2011 at 6:14 pm

I sniffed it out too.

weejee July 5, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Poo poo pee do what da dumb ditty doo

FlyOverGirl July 5, 2011 at 9:50 pm

He's always oozing something.

SpurningBeer July 5, 2011 at 6:06 pm

What's brown and frothy and can't read or do math?

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Ming the Merciless?

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 7:00 pm

root beer?

LesPaultard July 5, 2011 at 7:07 pm
genxr July 5, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Hitler?

DaSandman July 5, 2011 at 8:13 pm

LOL Me?

axmxz July 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Guinness?

trampndirtdown July 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Newcastle?

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 11:05 pm

a rabid prairie dog?

TheMightyHaltor July 6, 2011 at 12:11 am

Herman Cain?

thedeathofirony July 6, 2011 at 8:07 am

Tracy Morgan?

bflrtsplk July 5, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Well, you know, two plus two does equal 280 million. Double plus good.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Also, we've *always* been at war with Eastasia.

smitallica July 5, 2011 at 6:09 pm

You know what I hate about this guy?

Everything. Literally. I hate every fucking molecule of this horrible, horrible person.

V572 [SSAN] July 5, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Velshi's fairly repugnant himself, it must be noted. As Limeylizzie said earlier today, let's see him try that with Miche1e.

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Maybe so, but at least Velshi called him out on this. I get so tired of "news" people just blithely ignoring inanity and going along with whatever is being said, like it makes some sort of sense.

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 12:35 am

Yeah, sometimes that pugnacity can work for you instead of against you. Yes, even a broken clock is correct twice daily.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:06 am

When my cellphone runs out of battery, it never tells the right time.

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 6:18 pm

It's not just you. Of all the odious scrotes running in the Republican primaries, he's the one who makes my skin crawl the most.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 7:52 pm

That's pretty harsh, dude. I think there are some good things to be said about Rick Santorum:

* He's not going to be President
* He's provided a name for a substance which had previously not been named
* He's given Dan Savage a profitable sideline
* If he's in a horrific accident that leaves him brain dead,* there's a chance his organs could be harvested to give others a chance at a better life.

* And yes, I fully recognize the inherent challenges in reaching that diagnosis

SpurningBeer July 5, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Former Senator Santorum could donate his asshole to science, you're suggesting?

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 11:08 pm

I don't think his organs would be eligible for harvesting after the family takes him home from the hospital and holds him in their arms for five hours after he dies.

Not_So_Much July 5, 2011 at 10:21 pm

We're just alike, you and I. I think his sobbing daughter might be with us as well.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 11:39 pm

I hope you don't think that makes you, like, unique, or anything. I mean, do you know anyone who doesn't hate the fuck out of santorum?

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2011 at 1:58 am

Come, now, we're a diverse community. Some of us hate him with the fiery heat of a thousand suns, while others hate him with the fiery heat of ten thousand suns.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 2:09 am

Well, yeah, OK, if you're going to split hairs about it.

Srsly, though. He just draws my venom for reasons I'll never understand. I basically just don't care enough to hate most people, except for Rick Santorum.

smitallica July 6, 2011 at 9:55 am

Hardcore Catholics. They love his ignorant, hateful ass.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Hopefully, they constitute less than 1/10th of 1% of the electorate. If I were a hardcore Catholic, I'd be looking for someone a bit less — strange — to pin my hopes on. Anybody who brings home the miscarried fetus and puts it in the marital bed is too bizarre for the majority of people.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:36 pm

"do you know anyone who doesn't hate the fuck out of santorum?"

Including his immediate family?

Mahousu July 5, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Santorum's right – I have way too much work to do, and it's all Obama's fault.

BeWoot July 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm

How did that guy on the left there get on CNN? He's questioning fake facts? The man has no future in television.

Santorum, though, that guy is obviously angling for a job making stuff up for Fox by auditioning on CNN.

Callyson July 5, 2011 at 6:34 pm

They've got to replace Glenn Beck somehow.
Jesus, Ricky actually makes Beck look *less* insane…

SexySmurf July 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Who knew Santorum is a blond.

LowProfileinGA July 5, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Though I despise repeating myself, "Barbie libel!"

DrunkIrishman July 5, 2011 at 8:06 pm

"Thinking too much gives you wrinkles…"

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 11:11 pm

"Santorum" is eewwy, gross!

V572 [SSAN] July 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Manful resolve and brave face on the failed candidate, weary resignation in the dutiful spouse, no-White-House-wedding-for-me thinking oldest daughter, son envisioning his Columbine-style rampage, and youngest with doll in matching dress just telling it all in one face: "Why, Jeebus? WHY?"

Can't resist every time I see that wonderful picture.

HistoriCat July 5, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Top Wonkette pictures :
Santorum losing
Pam Gellar shaking her finger
Mitt packing fudge

the_problem_child July 5, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Palin's head resting on the lectern.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 9:43 pm

.gif of Floating tongue-extended McCain heads.

PuckStopsHere July 6, 2011 at 12:06 am

Uh…bloated furry on a stretcher; girl on toilet peeing while drinking a pitcher…Jenna Bush passed out on the floor of some dive (Jenna or the other one, whatshername). Anything with Truck Nuts

An_Outhouse July 6, 2011 at 10:17 am

"whatshername"

Not-Jenna

gurukalehuru July 6, 2011 at 6:25 am

Oompah loompah on a stretcher, absolutely number 1, although I feel guilty about that… gif of Nancy Pelosi with snake tongue Monster John McCain following the Big O off stage…and many, many more

not that Dewey July 6, 2011 at 8:20 am

Barry looking down on the mushroom cloud, laughing maniacally.

Reagan Still Dead July 5, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Well, now I'm mad at him fer makin' me like Ubuma!

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I guess he pulled those numbers out of his… oh, forget it.

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 6:13 pm

There you are, insisting on use of that reality-based math instead of the faith-based alternative of unintelligent adding.

CapeClod July 5, 2011 at 7:14 pm

At its core, creationism is making up any story you want to and insisting that it is the the God's honest truth.

Sue4466 July 5, 2011 at 6:14 pm

With all the layoffs and the resulting work speed-ups for corporate profiteers, it just feels like the employed are working one-and-a-half jobs.

Pragmatist2 July 5, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Santorum is using Biblical arithmetic.

Nothingisamiss July 5, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Frozen shitsicles deserve better than this.

emmelemm July 5, 2011 at 6:53 pm

After all, at least flies like a good shitsicle to cool down with.

Larry McAwful July 5, 2011 at 6:16 pm

It's about time one of the Republican candidates called Obama out on skyrocketing overemployment.

Nothingisamiss July 5, 2011 at 6:18 pm

I'm sure this will be picked up by faux news as a comparison to a "57/60 states" statement from a tired candidate.

GunToting[Redacted] July 5, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Don't you have to, you know, DO something to be a tired candidate? I suppose fucking up this much can wear one out.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Well, that's not it, exactly. It's all the incredible workouts he gets from sticking both his feet sideways in his mouth when his head is crammed firmly up his … but you get my drift. Ew.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Stupid idiot is stupid and idiotic.

Sue4466 July 5, 2011 at 6:21 pm

I do love how belligerent Santorum is about being so completely fucking stupid and so stupendously wrong.

"Look it up!"

In what, the Dictionary for Dumbasses? The Dumb Richard's Almanac?

Tundra Grifter July 5, 2011 at 6:23 pm

He probably "looked it up" on Duh Guv'Nor's palm.

Callyson July 5, 2011 at 6:35 pm

And you know that Ricky's supporters (all ten of them) are headed to Wikipedia right now to make their entries based on babbling Santorum…

LesPaultard July 5, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Conservapedia.

LowProfileinGA July 5, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Conservapedia™, my compliments

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Dumb for Dummies.

gurukalehuru July 6, 2011 at 6:32 am

In your gut.

btw, Dumb Richard's Almanac=stroke of genius

samsuncle July 5, 2011 at 6:21 pm

If I had Santorum's math skills I could end every month with a positive balance in my checking account.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Well, yeah, but it would have no relation whatsoever to, you know, the bank's figures. Or reality.

snarkycomments July 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Hell, with math like that applied to my checking account I could retire to an island somewhere that doesn't get cable.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 5, 2011 at 6:24 pm

♬ Ricky Don't Lose That Number ♬
~

genxr July 5, 2011 at 6:24 pm

112% of Fox News viewers agree.

ManchuCandidate July 5, 2011 at 6:24 pm

It's a rare thing for me to congratulate Ali Velshi on doing anything right not that outwitting Santorum is anything to really cheer about.* Way to go Ali…

*I went to the same skule as Ali and he was active in student gubbiment (but not all that well liked.)

Maths has a liebrul bias.

ttommyunger July 6, 2011 at 8:49 am

Traits he no doubt continues to this day.

Radiotherapy® July 5, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Yeah, but Obama said something about 57 states.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm

57 state primaries, which he meant 57 primaries in states and territories.

(Wait….are you being ironic?)

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 8:10 pm

No, no, no–we do NOT have to play the Sarah Palin "he was really right" game.

He was tired and misspoke. It's nicely described by Snopes.com, and it's just an obvious flub:

"Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in fifty…seven states? I think one left to go…."

Unlike Santorum, who apparenty gave some real thought to his mathematical fuckup, Obama's brain started with the stock phrase "50 states," conflated that with the 48 contiguous states, subtracting the one he hadn't yet visited, and sent a signal to his mouth to say something mildly dumb, and that should be it. He never tried to insist that he was actually right.

Hell, it's not even the sort of genuinely funny screwup as we got at the 1980 Democratic Convention, when Jimmy Carter, linguistic gears slipping, gave tribute to the late "Hubert Horatio Hornblower." (And hey, credit where it's due–it's a flub that depends on a bit of misplaced literary knowledge. Has Santorum read CS Forrester? I think not.)

On the other hand, if Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachman ever slipped and called one of their kids by the dog's name, their supporters would edit Wikipedia to explain that the child's middle name actually was "Princess Moochy Muffin."

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Fair enough, sir.

Radiotherapy® July 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Dok, BMW,
It was joke. Obama hardly misspoke one time three years ago and Föx would have you think he was a babbling idiot, glutted with gaffes. Any time one of these right wing idiots bumbles (on a daily basis) they go to the video tape: 57, 57, 57.
The reality of this false equivalency is that Palin and Bachmann and Cain and all of them speak with shit coming out of their mouths. Word salads and youtube boats (4:34) and Cain saying Obama isn't a "real black man."
Fuck it, I'm tired. And these phonies are wearing me thin tonite.
Thanks for the specific reference Dok.
And, BMW, thanks for the stupid jokes.

trampndirtdown July 5, 2011 at 10:53 pm

I dunno Zoom Forrester had a lot of Rum,Sodomy and the Lash in his writing, I can see Ricky liking him some of that.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Once again, my hat is off to the good Doktor.

[except that I wouldn't put it past Screechy to name one of her kids "Princess Moochy Muffin"]

imissopus July 5, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Seems everyone's snark detector broke down here for a minute.

Radiotherapy® July 5, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Thanks, im, I owe you one too.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 11:25 pm

I feelz bad now.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 5, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Santorum needs to go back to home school.
Is there an Ali Velshi fan club?

ManchuCandidate July 5, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Is there an Ali Velshi fan club?

No.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 11:47 pm

His mom kicked him out of homeschool. Maybe Michele BatShitKrayZMann can spend a little quality class time with Ricky. I hear she's done it (so to speak, you feelthy creatures) with 28 kids so far.

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 12:37 am

No, not until you start one. Nobody likes the guy enough for there to be a fanclub.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:31 pm

In college, Santorum's algebra test said "Find x," so he circled it and said "there it is."

finallyhappy July 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm

That is one of those really old stupid math jokes- anyway, Santorum couldn't find x and circle it.

fuflans July 5, 2011 at 6:31 pm

to be fair, santorum doesn't have a job.

Callyson July 5, 2011 at 6:32 pm

I wish math worked the way Ricky says it does for the 2010 election: the Dems would have gained seats under Santorumland math…

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Santorum is so stupid he stares at an orange juice carton every morning for an hour cause it says "concentrate."

BTWBFDIMHO July 5, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Best Joke of the Day.

finallyhappy July 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm

If this is an oLd one- I never heard it- EXCEllent!!!!

PuckStopsHere July 6, 2011 at 12:12 am

And he gets up at 5am because it says, "Shake well before using."

gurukalehuru July 6, 2011 at 7:00 am

You can always tell when Rick Santorum has been using the computer, because of the whiteout on the screen.

Gleem_McShineys July 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

To be fair, those are the spots where "click" was written on the screen in ink, because someone told him to "right-click on the icon."

Rotundo_ July 5, 2011 at 6:34 pm

It *IS* making sense now, all of this Laffer curve, supply side cut tax to enhance revenue shit is all making sense: FAITH BASED MATHEMATICS! Now normally mathematics are something somewhat cut and dried, but add the element of FAITH into the mix and well there ya go! Jeebus told me that 8 times 8 is 57. If it was good enough for him, it's good enough for me. Numbers mean nothing in the face of faith and belief. Damn, I have been enlightened.

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Wow, that could be a whole field. Santorum-math, where the results are Santorum-think.

You'd start with assigning numbers genders.

1m + 1w = marriage
1m + 1m = sin, cast into the pit

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 6:58 pm

1m + 2w = dear penthouse

BarryOPotter July 5, 2011 at 8:30 pm

2w + 1cup =ew^2

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 8:48 pm

1m – 0.00001m = bris

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Dude went Full Timecube. You never go Full Timecube.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Santorum's so stupid when he read on his campaign finance disclosure report to not write below the dotted line, he put "O.K."

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Santorum's so stupid when he saw the "under 17 not admitted without parent" sign at the movie theater, he came back later with 15 staffers and his mom.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Santorum is so dumb his staff asked if he could buy a to color TV for the campaign office and he asked "What color?"

FlipOffResearch July 5, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Mind-bogglingly stupid, yet frothy.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Santorum is so stupid he took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Santorum is so stupid it took him 2 hours to watch himself being interviewed on "60 Minutes."

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

OK, this one actually made me spit out coffee.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Santorum is so stupid he talked into a mailbox and when the mail carrier came and asked him what he was doing and he said he was sending a voicemail.

weejee July 5, 2011 at 6:41 pm

'Murican candidates having problems with the maths is the result of the curse by the famous Native American Chief Highpotuhnoze and is codified in the differential:
dee why / dee hex.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:27 am

I've got 63 problems, but Santorum ain't one.

Hexadecimal, good for deadbeef.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Santorum is so stupid that when the computer said "press any key to continue," he looked for the key labeled "any."

LetUsBray July 5, 2011 at 10:40 pm

It's either funny or sad depending how many of these jokes I was introduced to by Homer Simpson.

But one that I think missed him: Santorum is so stupid the power went out and he was stuck on an escalator for 3 hours.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:50 pm

How about the time he locked himself in his car?
Thank God it was a convertible, or he might have suffocated!

fuflans July 5, 2011 at 11:58 pm

you are baracking my world.

SayItWithWookies July 5, 2011 at 6:44 pm

To the really and truly faithful, every goddamn thing in the whole fuckin' world is a big giant mystery. So he doesn't give a shit if he gets his numbers, facts, invaded nations or anything else wrong — God'll sort the whole mess out later. Now isn't that the sort of person you want with the power to destroy nations and millions at his fingertips?

emmelemm July 5, 2011 at 6:58 pm

"every goddamn thing in the whole fuckin' world is a big giant mystery"

So staggeringly, precisely true. These people are idiots, and they compensate for being idiots by saying, "Well, I believe in God, and God knows everything." News flash: God may know everything, but he hasn't shared it with you, cuz you're still a fucking idiot.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 7:06 pm

If 2 + 2 = 5, it's just because that's the Lord's will!

BarryOPotter July 5, 2011 at 8:33 pm

The Lord just told me to tell the world that anyone who says 2 + 2 = 5 because He said so is getting their ass kicked. Hey, I'm just the messenger…

HobbesEvilTwin July 5, 2011 at 8:29 pm

isn't that the sort of person you want with the power to destroy nations and millions at his fingertips?

it worked out so very well for USMerka under w. what are you saying?

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm

"To the really and truly faithful, every goddamn thing in the whole fuckin' world is a big giant mystery."

Also, to every single goddamn fuckin person from New Jersey.

Limeylizzie July 5, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Downfister McCuntington is about, silently downfisting and trying to work out what is wrong with Santorum's math because it seems right to him and he read an article on WND that said the same thing.

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 7:13 pm

The name ain't "baby," its Downfister. Miss McCuntington if you're nasty.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:52 pm

"an article on WND that said the same thing"

Although I do like their stories about Bat Boy.

AlaskaGrrl July 5, 2011 at 6:45 pm

It's not Ricky's fault; there was some sort of frothy brown stain on the page he was reading from and numbers were blurred.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Fister Roboto doesn't like us making fun of His Frothiness.

Arken July 5, 2011 at 6:47 pm

That photo never stops being funny.

MinAgain July 5, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Rick can only count as high as 140, and he has to use his children's fingers and toes to manage it.

Veritas78 July 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Even the one in the jar, and those are really hard to count.

BlueStateLibel July 5, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Well, I think I've found the winner of my "Most Odious and Stupid Teabagger Contest" at least. By the way, even David Brooks today called out the teabaggers…the stench is just too awful to ignore for long.

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Laugh all you want, bitches…but Santorum's not afraid to divide by zero.

Recognize.

emmelemm July 5, 2011 at 6:58 pm

WIN.

weejee July 5, 2011 at 7:01 pm

But considering from where he's starting, wouldn't that be one of Cantor's small infinities? Very, very small.

not that Dewey July 6, 2011 at 12:08 am

Are we talking about the Cardinality of the Santorum? An infinite amount of santorum can ooze between each irrational number (or CNN would have us believe).

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:39 am

Santorum only believes in whole numbers, like the good book intended.

not that Dewey July 6, 2011 at 10:01 am

He's aleph-null. But mostly null.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:38 am

Santorum does tend to lead to a brown screen.

simplyblue7 July 5, 2011 at 6:51 pm

don't have time to comment, must get to my other job, damn you Obamar!

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Quit whining, there are kids in Somalia that would kill for a .5 job!

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I saw this on an earlier comment (Unrecalled commenter FTW!), and though I am very rarely compared favorably to Henri Poincaré, I seemed to detect a rather blunt error that 'irregardless' of how you do teh plussing and teh minusing, appears pretty obviously imposserible:

Any way you cut it, the difference between 280 and 240 cannot equal 30, right?

weejee July 5, 2011 at 7:04 pm

My feathered friend would those missing millions be the vigorish? Gotta pay the house, amirite?

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:13 pm

The vig, la mordida, still beating human hearts….tomato, tomahto.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Wait, wait! For Ajax' sake, how could I forget that the prescient commenter referenced about was our Fantasy Blog League's All-Time Greatest Playah, Lizzie!!

[more like a fuck pas if you ask me. 'unrecalled.' jesus.]

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 11:53 pm

That's "disirregardless" to you, owlet — or so I've heard it said at one of our fine Institutions of Higher Learning.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 5, 2011 at 6:58 pm

If we insist on holding Republicans to factual statements, this will not be a fair election. As FOX News proves every day, facts and logic have a well known liberal bias. Employment goes up, employment goes down. How do you explain that? Other than Employment going down must be related to there being a black man in the presidency.

BarackMyWorld July 5, 2011 at 6:59 pm

In college, Santorum only took Geometry because he heard there'd be Pi.

finallyhappy July 5, 2011 at 7:53 pm

I am going to use all these jokes- I must live a limited life- I haven't heard them

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 11:23 pm

But he got upset when the prof told him that Pi r squared, and he shouted back, "NO, PIE ARE ROUND!"

not that Dewey July 6, 2011 at 12:15 am

…CORNBREAD ARE SQUARE!

__kth__ July 5, 2011 at 7:02 pm

I really can't even get my snark up about this wanker, who will return to permanent obscurity about 5 minutes after the polls close in New Hampshire (at the latest).

Fred_Wertham_Jr July 5, 2011 at 7:07 pm

You've got to go a ways before you come off dumber than Ali Velshi.

ttommyunger July 6, 2011 at 8:53 am

Ha, ha, ha! So fucking true! Only Ricky could pull off making this little cunt look good.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:09 pm

What are you pussies on about now? Don't you realize that Rick is at the tip of the spear protecting our beloved republic. Only he has the courage to speak openly about the mortal threat that we face today: The possibility that the terrorist group Al Gebra could obtain Decimals of Mass Destruction, or worse yet, Improvised Euclidean Dyads (IEDs).

He, unlike Herman Cain, was privy to the Presidential Briefing entitled, "Al Gebra Determined Strike Numerators in Seventh Grade Math Club. Rick knows how grave the situation is.

weejee July 5, 2011 at 7:18 pm

How many sizes larger than a D-cup is a Gebra?

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Duh, negative 30 million, of course.

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Sounds menacing, next thing you know, they'll be attacking innocent L'hopitals.

genxr July 5, 2011 at 7:33 pm

There was bound to be some collateral derivatives.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Obama needs to put a cap in their leader, Abu Aboolean.

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 7:58 pm

It's the logical course of action.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:48 am

Seemed to be more of a "Chuck" to me…

trampndirtdown July 5, 2011 at 11:16 pm

God sent him a sine?

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 11:54 pm

No, Rick believes that God sent us his only sine. To die, ironically, for our sines.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2011 at 2:02 am

Wait, I thought nothing more could be done after sine die.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:53 am

I think you're going off on a tangent.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Boehner is a tangent, but I'm pretty sure no one is going off on him, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

not that Dewey July 6, 2011 at 12:18 am

I gauss we'll have to hope for the best.

not that Dewey July 6, 2011 at 12:19 am

Hilbert no criticism of his policy positions.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2011 at 2:03 am

But he'll accuse anyone who disagrees with him of being a fibbin' nazi.

not that Dewey July 6, 2011 at 8:17 am

His rhetoric is a little on the Heaviside.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:54 am

I see this spiraling out of control.

user-of-owls July 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Now you're just being stochastic.

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I think we found one man-child who was left behind…

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:22 pm

The polls would certainly seem to indicate as much.

SudsMcKenzie July 5, 2011 at 7:12 pm

This is good news for Newt Gingrich

BTWBFDIMHO July 5, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Santorum knows every worker needs at least four jobs right now, so please do the math.

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Wait, Ricky is fluent in higher math! His use of imaginary numbers proves it.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:55 am

Are you calling Ricky a square?

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 10:02 pm

No, but he needs to shut his Pi-hole.

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Even Giuliani called bullshit, insisting it was actually between 9 to 11 million jobs lost.

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:57 am

I believe that the correct grammatic construct is noun-verb-9-11. That right there is 9-11-noun-verb.

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm

"the American labor force is made up of 153 million people"

Not when you repeal those communist child-labor laws and push the retirement age up to 105!

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm

AL: A pitch and a called strike three on Santorum, who appears to be disputing the call on a mathematical basis.

OTHER AL: On deck is the extreme right-handed batter Herman Cain.

AL: That's right Al. P-Za is fresh up from the Triple A Macon Mozzarellas, where he is best known for breaking the color barrier in the Skoal Rebel League. Remarkable story.

OTHER AL: Looks like there's action in the bullpen with the ambiguous-lefty Anderson warming up. Things could get interesting if C-Oop is brought in to face Cain.

AL: Yup.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Well, he just lost Trig's vote.

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Win in so many ways. Upfists all round!

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Poor Santorum–he doesn't even have supporters willing to edit Wikipedia to bring reality into line with his idiotic teevee misstatements.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Really. I mean he can't even motivate the base number.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 8:28 pm

That fancy cipherin' is for elitists, and Real America don't want none of it.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 8:44 pm

None is a number!1! Burn him!1!

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

She turned me into a Newt!

I got better.

But not before I abandoned my cancer-stricken wife for a younger woman.

Tundra Grifter July 5, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Today we are all frozen shitsicles, clueless about math and seeking one or more jobs.

And probably all a tad bit hungover. Also.

Come here a minute July 5, 2011 at 7:59 pm

I bet Rick's parents paid for his learning disability treatment in chickens.

Left_Leftie July 5, 2011 at 8:07 pm

They took our 1.5 jobs!

BTWBFDIMHO July 5, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Santorum is so stupid he sold his guitar so he can buy it new strings.

weejee July 5, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Well if teh Santorum juggernaut has crashed on the ever so festive political reef of reality, along with Cain and Neutie, the beloved Klansman and racist turd David Duke is lighting a cross for freedumbz and hoping the fill the void blivet.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Well, at least he knows who can handle the T-Shirt concession.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Someone really ought to sidle up to him and whisper in his ear, Jy is nie 'n boer en dit is nie Oranje-Vrystaat.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 10:14 pm

I dunno about that. I'm quite sure he IS a boor.

Beowoof July 5, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Liberals, tricking him with math again.

emmelemm July 5, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I was told there would be no math.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:01 am

It's that "gotcha" maff that doesn't realize that 280M-240M=30M. No wonder Ricky has a butthurt.

Chet Kincaid July 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Well, neither Veshi nor Santorum seems to have a clue that they are adding too many zeros by talking about "hundreds of millions of jobs". It pains me to do it, but I am going to have to cut him some "57 states" slack on that one. However, arguing that Obama "lost jobs" by not creating as many as he thought he would is just a spew of pure Santorum.

weejee July 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Yeah, clearly the decimal is not the only thing he misplaced.

AJWjr. July 5, 2011 at 9:10 pm

After airing the clip tonight, Shouty Keith quipped "That man is a Palin!"

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Really? I would have thought something more along the lines of, You, sir, are no more than a Palin!"

the_problem_child July 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Except that engaging in something that gets you Santorum doesn't get you pregnant.

Warpde July 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

And here I never knew Sanatorium went to school in Texas.
Now that must have been one hell of a commute.

iburl July 5, 2011 at 9:25 pm

2 + 2 equals umm… 5? 10? 15? Hey…the point is, the president is a mooslim!!

Slim_Pickins July 5, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Maybe, just maybe, his combination of innumeracy and incomprehension is reason enough to shitcan him.

MilwaukeeKent July 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

This is absolutely bizarre. Ali corrects Santorum's math, but on a mythical 30 million number when clearly the correct answer is 40 million. That is, if the figures themselves weren't over the top by a mere 238 million plus. Santorum has no idea what his mistake is, but Ali's insistance that he might be wrong creates enough doubt that he takes out the figures entirely.
Did he just pull these figures out of his ass?…Oh.

Come here a minute July 6, 2011 at 8:34 pm

He didn't have to pull, they just slid out.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:03 pm

So, the problem is that Santorum's mistake was not the correct or approved mistake?

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Better question to maybe at least make him pause and think about what he's saying: "Senator Santorum, you DO know the population of the United States, right?" Proceed from there.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:03 am

You don't know anything about jobs for all those poor aborted unborn babies, do you? Don't you understand? That's how much Santorum CARES! He truly wants jobs for EVERYONE!

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm

"Senator Santorum, you DO know the population of the United States, right?"

No good, he'd include fetuses in the total.

imissopus July 5, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Many years ago, a buddy of mine did an impression of a bullshitting Hollywood producer that went something like (in a very gruff voice): "Sure, the movie lost a hundred million dollars. But it made twenty-five million dollars." This is the same thing.

No snark here. That's just an unbelievable piece of video. I'm curious as to how the wingnuts are going to wrap their heads around it.

HistoriCat July 5, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Gah – I worked for people like that at one time. They were so dazzled by the big money coming in from one client that they could not grasp that they were blowing all the money jumping through hoops in a vain attempt to make the client happy.

If profit < fees-expenses then you = not succeeding in business.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:04 am

We must have worked for the same bunch of dolts.

PsycWench July 5, 2011 at 11:54 pm

This is like the gambler who won five hundred dollars. yay! But he lost two thousand.

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 12:42 am

Never trust a man who doesn't understands nets, whether he works in the circus or in a boardroom.

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I have an older relative who lived through the first Depression, and who, although intelligent, doesn't seem to grasp the concept of value for money. If something costs five dollars, it is by definition a better deal than something that costs ten dollars, even if the ten-dollar purchase has twice as much, or three times as much, or ten times as much. This person is otherwise reasonably good at math; it's just a weird blind spot.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 10:03 pm

We have a political culture in which R's insist that closing a tax loophole is EXACTLY THE SAME AS increasing taxes, so maybe "not reaching a projected increase in jobs" really IS the same as "losing jobs"–with the added advantage that we don't have to pay additional unemployment benefits to those nonexistent people who "lost" those jobs.

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 11:16 pm

So — you're implying that that isn't logical?

thedeathofirony July 5, 2011 at 10:19 pm

"Math is hard. Let's go shopping"

Redhead July 5, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Velshi: "You can't go on a national campaign with this kind of math Senator. It's just not correct."
Santorum: "All of them, Katie."

obfuscator2 July 5, 2011 at 10:53 pm

now rick, let's put this into a context that might be easier for you to grasp. if you combine 100 million ounces of lube and 140 million ounces of jizz and distribute them evenly to 160 million closeted white male conservatives, that's 1.5 loads of santorum for every puckered butthole.

ttommyunger July 6, 2011 at 8:58 am

All Republican buttholes are smooth and gaping, not puckered. Don't ask me how I know that…

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm

OK, so, HOW exactly do you know that? (Am I angling to have ttommyunger shoot my ass off, or what?)

ttommyunger July 6, 2011 at 12:43 pm

After repeated buggering, the human anus loses its puckered appearance. Visual inspection of this orifice in that state was considered proof of homosexuality in puritan l8th Century Societies and beyond. How do I know this? I know a lot of things I have no use for. You just pick up stuff in 70+ years….You didn't ask, but I'll save you the trouble, I am well-puckered and hope to stay that way. ;)

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Isn't it amazing how much information one can accumulate, provided it makes ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY and serves ABSOLUTELY NO PRACTICAL PURPOSE?

I didn't have the anus information, specifically, but my entire memory is full of stuff like this, instead of where I parked and whether or not I actually paid the electric bill, or just meant to.

Dr_pangloss July 5, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Why didn't the news model correct him. I'm guessing all the Fetuses baby jesus saved are working hard on Rick Santorum's campaign.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:05 am

See? At least ONE Wonketteer gets it!

fitley July 5, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Boy oh boy that's the kind of thing that makes the froth in your mixture go flat. Maybe with a good rogering this Closeted Clown can build the effervescence back up.

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 11:33 pm

No snark, am I the only one here that would love to hear what Velshi had to say after 2:23 on the video clip?

DerrickWildcat July 5, 2011 at 11:42 pm

I don't expect anyone that cute to be smart.

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 12:32 am

I simply can not watch this. Nah gonna do it. Everything I needed to learn about conservatism, I learned in 2008.

glamourdammerung July 6, 2011 at 12:58 am

Everything anyone needed to know about movement conservatives could be learned when they threw a temper tantrum over the death of Osama bin Laden.

In before our Breitard whines about how killing bin Laden was an example of "leftist Demoncrap hate".

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 12:43 am

1+ 1=3 'cause Jesus.

/fin

Idiocracy is not far away; it is not nearly far enough away.

metamarcisf July 6, 2011 at 7:38 am

If you stop and listen for a moment, it's evident that the 240 million mentioned here refers to the number of foster children Michele Bachmann has raised to be teabagging nitwit assholes.

BaldarTFlagass July 6, 2011 at 8:34 am

I'm sure this has been beat to death in past posts incorporating this particular photo, but the squinch-faced girl in the foreground, is she a Mennonite?

ttommyunger July 6, 2011 at 9:00 am

Moononite, as in "Adult Swim, Aqua Teen Hunger Force".

Poindexter718 July 6, 2011 at 8:55 am

OK, so we already knew that Santorum is a frothy mixture of stoopid and duplicitous, but what about this Ali Belshy dude, CNN's resident economist…This guy is the sorriest excuse for a newsman since Greta Van Clusterfeck. He didn't seem to be correcting the fired senator on the ridiculous 240 million jobs created figure but, rather, was quibbling over whether the stimulus has cost jobs over the last three months (this debate stems from a ponderous Evening Standard article that ran Sunday and is making the rounds among Boner et al, which somehow argues that a decline in stimulus-related jobs over the last month, which coincided with a decline in stimulus dollars going into the economy, somehow shows that the stimulus–rather than a reduction in stimulus–is "costing jobs.") Thus we learn that this bald cretin in poorly fitting suits is plugged into the Washington zeitgeist, but is utterly bereft of common sense…

ttommyunger July 6, 2011 at 9:04 am

Again didn't watch clip; don't have to. I know Little Ricky is a sad case. A moron who has no clue that he is a moron. My only question: who dresses this fuck in the mornings? BTW, I'll bet Ali's ass is smarting from the ass-chewing he got for pointing out the obvious to the Santman. Rules now are that you let the flat earthers rant at will and then give equal time to the other side.

MLite July 6, 2011 at 10:00 am

Jesus, when did CNN grow balls?

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:33 pm

So, Santorum actually stood up in public and claimed that Obama and the stimulus are responsible for unemployment?

Noman's identity is secret nomore.

PristineODummy July 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

For some reason, I'm unable to reply to comments, which aren't even showing up for me. Oh, well. So, ttommyunger, thanks very much for that instructive comment on anal smoothness and all.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 8:09 pm

You clid my people, I clid your people. Law of the jungle.

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 8:55 pm

I heard he skipped integration for "moral reasons"

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Sorry, radio–I was responding to BarackMyWorld's comment, not your initial joke, which was identical to what I've said elsewhere. I've seen too many attempts to "defend" Obama's slip as referring to total primaries or states plus territories, when in fact it was a simple brain fart of the sort that all of us make from time to time, and which, in a sane media culture, would have been forgotten almost immediately. And BMW, my apologies if I let my collected grumpiness spill into an excessively testy tone. God knows I'm sensitive to the tone of my testes.

I'd have a hell of a lot more respect for Palin* if she'd simply acknowledge that when she talked about Paul Revere, she'd made a dumb mistake. And as you point out, Barry's gaffe output is nowhere near on a level with that of Palin's, Bachmann's, or for that matter, his own vice-president's.

Oh, hey, and have you guys noticed how Obama uses TELEPROMPTERS all the time?

* i.e., something infinitesimally above the current Zero

tessiee July 7, 2011 at 12:44 pm

"Obama hardly misspoke one time three years ago and Föx would have you think he was a babbling idiot, glutted with gaffes. Any time one of these right wing idiots bumbles (on a daily basis) they go to the video tape: 57, 57, 57."

It's the false equivalency meme that they cling to in order to prove that he's just as big an idiot as their guys. It's the Obama equivalent of, "Butbutbutbut, Clinton got a bloooooooowjob!!!"

Radiotherapy® July 5, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I have to get up at 5 AM — which is worse than watching Föx and Fiends. I'm delirious, and yet your TELEPROMPTER remark was like a bottle of Ambien.
This is the last time I'm snarky or sarcastic.
Love,
Radio

bagofmice July 6, 2011 at 9:49 am

Now you're just being irrational.

ttommyunger July 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Welcome to my world.

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