GAY OLD PARTY  4:21 pm July 5, 2011

Homosexual Mafia Infiltrating, Destroying Herman Cain Campaign

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

there was this one time, at Herman Cain's campaign camp...Buried halfway through this rumor-heavy Politico INSIDE SCOOP about the implosion of Herman Cain’s campaign is one particularly fun piece of total hearsay alleging that Cain’s Iowa staff is crumbling “after weeks of swirling rumors between Cain’s staff and volunteers in the Hawkeye State accusing each other of affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct.” Yes, why hadn’t we thought of that before, it was the homosexuals, ruining everyone’s political careers again. So now the FBI will probably have to go investigate before this turns into another one of those gay Ronald Reagan Lake Tahoe sex parties from the sixties that made everyone think about naked Jack Kemp when he was Bob Dole’s running mate. If it hasn’t already, that is. 

Only in GOP circles is “I accuse” still such a fun sexytime game for closeted homosexual Republicans hanging out at Iowa political science camp that it could possibly rank up there with “professional misconduct” and “affairs” in destroying staff morale. Or maybe it does not, because it is just a rumor.

Is there a bright side? No, not really, but there’s this:

Earlier this week, after reports of [New Hampshire political director Matt] Murphy’s resignation surfaced, [Cain spokeswoman Ellen] Carmichael swatted down the idea that the campaign was in turmoil, in Iowa or elsewhere, noting that this isn’t a “Newt Gingrich situation.”

Haha, the gay mafia still cannot destroy Republican campaigns as well as Newt Gingrich. [Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 217 comments }

nounverb911 July 5, 2011 at 4:24 pm

And all along I thought Herman Cain was really Lindsey Graham in disguise.

Dudleydidwrong July 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Yeah. Minstrel shows may be coming back.

evan7257 July 5, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Our first gay black pizza president.

OneDollarJuana July 5, 2011 at 4:58 pm

I wonder if Cain was ever called "Pizza face" as a youth.

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Please, that's offensive. They prefer to be called Pepperoni-Americans.

AJWjr. July 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm
nounverb911 July 5, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Did Cain send his gay staffers to Marcus Bachmannn to get "Cured"?

weejee July 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

From the infamous Iowa cornholing contest?

BaldarTFlagass July 5, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Well, if it wasn't the homos, it would have been the Jews or the Mexicans. Just a matter of time.

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Plenty of Somali & Bosnian Muslims in Iowa to blame, for Mr "I will administer a religion test for my appointees" Cain.

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 5:54 pm

And we allow gays to marry, so it was just a matter of time.

OC_Surf_Serf July 5, 2011 at 4:25 pm

isn’t a “Newt Gingrich situation.”

The lowest bar is now set…

smokefilledroommate July 5, 2011 at 4:29 pm

How long until 'Gingrich' becomes a verb?

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 4:35 pm

"Swing and a Gingrich!"

gullywompr July 5, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Gingriched with faint praise.

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 4:43 pm

He Gingriched his wife.

Veritas78 July 5, 2011 at 5:37 pm

"…but after Gingriching on opening night, he never worked on Broadway again."

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 6:19 pm

"Spider man: Gingrich the dark"

genxr July 5, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Don't Newt me, bro!

mourningnmerica July 6, 2011 at 3:08 am

"…Dude, I really fucking Gingriched that whole fucking situation…"

Clancy_Pants July 5, 2011 at 4:50 pm

We could get lower if Newt flashed his abs and said "we have a situation".

simplyblue7 July 5, 2011 at 4:26 pm

wiggling around excrement won't get you far in a campaign apparently

BaldarTFlagass July 5, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Truth is, there was a falling out as to whether to order the staff pizzas with or without anchovies.

"Oh my god, that bowling ball, it's my wife!"

ProgressiveInga July 5, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Love STINKS, man.

Beowoof July 5, 2011 at 5:35 pm

The did agree not to order from Godfather's.

zhubajie July 5, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I forget which Iowa pizza chain offers sauerkraut and Canadian bacon pizza. Happy Joe's or something? Anyway, pizza joints in Iowa are a good place to introduce your toddler to drinking beer by the quart.

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Wasn't it Cain that invented the "meat lovers" pizza???

DerrickWildcat July 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm

I think his contribution was the Saturated fat Lover's Pizza.

Lascauxcaveman July 5, 2011 at 4:40 pm

"Hawkeye for the Straight Guy"

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 4:47 pm

The M.A.S.H. update was really just an excuse to get Alan Alda work, again.

Lascauxcaveman July 5, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I'm guessing Iowa has the least buff homos in the nation. But still, legally marriageable.

DerrickWildcat July 5, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Don't blame Cain, Iowa farm boys are irresistible.

Reagan Still Dead July 5, 2011 at 4:43 pm

The only difference between a farm boy and a bisexual is a couple of brewskis.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 5, 2011 at 4:49 pm

And a sheep.

emmelemm July 5, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Baaaa-sexual?

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Iowa: where the men are men, the women are women, and the sheep are all scared shitless.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:15 am

I can resist them just fine, thanks.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 5, 2011 at 4:27 pm

What does Mr. Elaine Chao Mitch McConnell have to say?

I believe he is the ranking closeted Republican.
~

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Wouldn't Mrs. Chao say "the wanking closeted Republican"?

ifthethunderdontgetya July 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

She's a Dragon Lady, so she don't care.
~

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Lots of daggers in the GOP cloak-room.

DahBoner July 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm

And lots and lots of coat hangers!

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Every ass-birth is sacred!

Larry McAwful July 5, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Okay, so I'm not the only one who noticed that. Good. Sometimes I think I'm going out of my mind. I mean, I wouldn't say I've got "gaydar," but just like you don't need radar to find a mountain on a clear day, you don't need gaydar to find Mitch McConnell.

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 5:17 pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *inconsolable weeping*

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:29 am

I'm sorry, baby. No matter what we do, we just can't keep those yobs out.

nounverb911 July 5, 2011 at 4:28 pm

"it was the homosexuals, ruining everyone’s political careers again. So now the FBI will probably have to go investigate".
How many careers did J. Edgar Hoover ruin?

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 4:34 pm

746570269_1598605

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm

All of them, Ethel.

WhatTheHeck July 5, 2011 at 5:19 pm

But J. Edgar ruined many a party dress when he cross-dressed for a night on the town.

zhubajie July 5, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Probably lots!

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Its the Man bringing him down… (the gay man…)

DashboardBuddha July 5, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Or the seMen.

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm

The SeMen agenda is going swimmingly.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:30 am

Leave the Navy outa this!

bumfug July 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Considering the goofy shit republicans will swallow, I don't know why they think a load of jizz is such a big deal.

MMathS July 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Wait…Herman Cain had a New Hampshire Political Director?!

Larry McAwful July 5, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Maybe. Or he might have been talking about the assistant manager at the Godfather's in Nashua. No one is sure.

SexySmurf July 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Someone needs to make a Nailin' Palin-esque gay porno about Herman Cain's campaign. They could call it Risin' Cane.

widestanceroman July 5, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Spermin' Cane if taste is not an issue.

Reagan Still Dead July 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm

It would be the only twist to the pizza delivery set up since 1971 when the mustache first appeared.

FlipperAZ July 5, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Memoir's of "a strong black man"

LabRodent July 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

The Gay Mafia probably got some cool Mob names………..like

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Tony the Tongue?

ProgressiveInga July 5, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Toni the Tongue

/fixed

BarryOPotter July 6, 2011 at 9:39 am

Laughed so hard I coughed up breakfast!

nounverb911 July 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Dick Nixon?

BaldarTFlagass July 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Big Pussy.

Oh, wait.

GhostBuggy July 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Cocktop? I hear Dick Tracy's THIS close to stuffing him in jail.

iburl July 5, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Herman the Fur-man

LabRodent July 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Vinny "You Go" Girlito

Reagan Still Dead July 5, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Karl Rove…uh, wait, you didn't read that!

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 4:49 pm

DO NOT WANT.

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Frankie the Flame.

SexySmurf July 5, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Sammy "the Bull Dyke" Gravano?

seppdecker July 5, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Mr. Pink?

mourningnmerica July 6, 2011 at 3:12 am

Fookin' Brilliant…

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Sticky Dick?

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 5:08 pm

"Flannel" Maria Gambino.

drrty_martini July 5, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Bruno the Bear?

DashboardBuddha July 5, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Fingers McWriggle.

Schmannnity July 5, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Joe Bananas, RIP

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Got some cool Mob names………..like is this generation's You know who else.

Negropolis July 5, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Pussy Galore?

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Rudy the Ghoul?

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Jimmy the Whacker? Dick Armey?

weejee July 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

So raising Cain has become a fairytale?

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Why do I totally imagine this as a combination of South Park and grade school?

Staffer 1: We could do a pizza where the ingredients spell "USA" and call it the "Freedom Pie"!
Staffer 2: That's totally gay
Staffer 1: You're gay
Staffer 3: I'm reporting you both to Herman!
Staffer 2: Only because you're gay for him.
Staffer 3: Professional misconduct!

gullywompr July 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Well, you you can't exactly toss around the racial epithets in the Cain campaign staff. They have to accuse each other of something.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:34 am

Well, don't you think they went just a teensy bit overboard with all those accusations? I mean, "gay" by itself would've been just fine, but honestly! The sniping in the Hermanator's campaign is getting downright bitchy. And that mean, mean comment Herman's spokesweasel made about Newt! Girl, I haven't heard such trash talk since the last drag queen contest.

baconzgood July 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GhostBuggy July 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

In the new, Pizza America that is surely coming (har!), what will be the price for being accused of homosexuality? Will the punishment be President Cain topping your pizza himself?

Well, I just made myself throw up a little.

Reagan Still Dead July 5, 2011 at 4:47 pm

And that, class, is how new sex moves are named!

GhostBuggy July 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm

But was it worth the haunting mental image I conjured up?…Yes. Yes, it was.

PsycWench July 5, 2011 at 11:46 pm

I bet Cain is a bottom.

Negropolis July 6, 2011 at 6:04 am

Pizza topping? Genius!

Rosie_Scenario July 5, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Is that the gay GOP elephant's trunk or is he happy to see me?

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 4:34 pm

& the proprietors of Mons Venus just heaved a sigh of relief that their GOP convention business will not be hurt.

johnnymeatworth July 5, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Sounds like he might have sampled a little too much Crazy Bread….

mourningnmerica July 6, 2011 at 3:21 am

Oh, my God !!! That's it, you've done it !! …Herman "Crazy Bread" Cain…

samsuncle July 5, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Cain just can't seem to deliver.

Larry McAwful July 5, 2011 at 5:08 pm

His staff doesn't seem to have much trouble with pickups, though.

DahBoner July 5, 2011 at 4:37 pm

The Secret Homosexual Mafia Infiltrated the GOP long ago!

If by "Secret Homosexual Mafia" you mean ordinary, everyday, closeted Gay Republicans:

1989 News—Call boys in Bush Sr's Whitehouse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5OJPeHCmhA

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Jeff Guckert was legal, then? (I thought he was a pretty young guy, even in 2003.)

DahBoner July 5, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Did Jeff Guckert's Daddy accept credit cards? That was probably pretty new for hookers back in 1989.

Like Father, like Son. On Earth as it is in Heaven…..

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Reminds me of the Mango "origin story" sketch on late '99 SNL. Chris Kataan returned home to see his parents, with his father, also a showboy, named Guava (& played by Danny De Vito).

LetUsBray July 5, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Speaking of Guckert, did we ever find out what, or who, he was doing in the Shrub White House?

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:36 am

I thought it was KKKarl. Or George and KKKarl.

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Can we name the elephant? Please?

Noah?

DashboardBuddha July 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Stampy!

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Loggy (short for Mr Log Cabin)?

ProgressiveInga July 5, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Maximus.

Reagan Still Dead July 5, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Gotta be a Julian.

KeepFnThatChicken July 5, 2011 at 4:49 pm

"Noah" really means "Yessah"

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Sissy.

ProgressiveInga July 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Bud.

SayItWithWookies July 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Pachy?

BloviateMe July 5, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Trunk in da junk?

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 5:01 pm

And speaking of trunks 'n junk.

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I am appropriating this from poster fartknocker.

Herm???

glamourdammerung July 5, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Spanky.

ThundercatHo July 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Harvey

Fare la Volpe July 5, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Doesn't matter what his name was. As soon as he graduated he bleached his trunk blond and renamed himself "Cody."

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm
flamingpdog July 6, 2011 at 12:01 am

Gaybar the Elephant?

Nah, I think he's Kenyan.

iburl July 5, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I was afraid that the last word of the headline was going to be "booty" instead of "campaign".

assistantatlas July 5, 2011 at 6:56 pm

DO. NOT. WANT. TIMES A BILLION.

KeepFnThatChicken July 5, 2011 at 4:40 pm

A "Newt Gingrich Situation"? Is that like the Bowery Boys doin' "Routine Twelve, fellas!"?

I can't imagine any homosexual agenda in a "Newt Gingrich Situation". It'd be more like a "I know your hands are weak and atrophied, but sign the dissolution agreement anyway."

DashboardBuddha July 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Thank god Cain didn't run a chain of Asian restaurants.

"Did you order the…Korean Beef?"

Callyson July 5, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Or the Hot & Spicy Beef?

SudsMcKenzie July 5, 2011 at 4:43 pm

The next time I burn my frozen Pizza, I'm blaming teh Gayz.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 5, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Herman Cain: ‘You don’t need foreign policy experience to know who your friends are and who your enemies are’
~

SenileAgitation July 5, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Noah the gay elephant?

Callyson July 5, 2011 at 4:46 pm

it was the homosexuals, ruining everyone’s political careers again.
Can they please go to Boneheader's and Mittens' offices next? Then there's McConnell and Cantor to deal with, then…
Please, gays, for the sake of us all we are begging you here…

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:40 am

I swear to deity, a faggot's work is never done.

pinkocommi July 5, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Cain's staff members are accusing each other of affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct — or, in other words, engaging in Republitard foreplay.

Rosie_Scenario July 5, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Staff. Members. Hee hee hee.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 5, 2011 at 4:51 pm

You know who else's rise to power was ruined by teh ghayez?

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm

King Leonidas of Sparta?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 5, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Hmmmm. One could say the same about Xerxes.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 5, 2011 at 4:58 pm

The Wicked Witch of the West?
~

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Oh please, have you seen Margaret Hamilton? Her dick was bigger than Ann Coulter's.

nounverb911 July 5, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Lindsey Graham?

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 5:05 pm

The First Evil?

Dudleydidwrong July 5, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Alexander the really, really great?

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Marcus Bachmann?

Geminisunmars July 5, 2011 at 5:29 pm

You know, um, you know…ol' whats his name?

SayItWithWookies July 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm
assistantatlas July 5, 2011 at 7:00 pm

David Dreier. And seriously, thanks again for that one, gheys.

Also, Mel Gibson. Also, for different reasons, Tom Cruise.

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Dianne Feinstein?

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 12:41 am

Oh, well, everybody knows it was Hitler. I mean, Night of the Long Knives and everything, right? No?

thedeathofirony July 6, 2011 at 8:56 am

Tracy Morgan.

But he was asking for it.

tcaalaw July 6, 2011 at 9:12 am

Everyone who was involved in the making of Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark?

Radiotherapy® July 5, 2011 at 4:52 pm

His pizza was reminiscent of santorum.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Question for the day: How do you determine which of your Republican/Conservative/'bagger staff members is the homosexual, and which are married, have kids, and are successfully closeted homosexuals?

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm

A tanned ring finger and/or white pants, turquoise shirt and white mesh belt??

BerkeleyBear July 5, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Shh – you can almost hear Rep Schock's closet creaking open to reveal even more fabulousness.

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Closeted homosexuals think nothing about paying Elton John to perform at their wedding/funeral/anniversary/bar mitzvah, whereas true 'mos wouldn't be seen within 100 miles of that tacky, washed-up queen.

assistantatlas July 5, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Drop the soap?

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Nobody could have suspected a businessman who never ran for any political office before would put together a completely amateur and dysfunctional campaign staff.

Swampgas_Man July 5, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Be fair, Cain only promised to discriminate against muslins. As long as they're XTIAN homos, they're home free.

SayItWithWookies July 5, 2011 at 4:55 pm

So now that they've destroyed the institution of marriage, the gays are turning their sights on the GOP? Way to go, gays — get 'em!

seppdecker July 5, 2011 at 4:55 pm

It's more of a "Lindsey Graham Situation" than a "Newt Gingrich Situation."

Weenus299 July 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm

It's like this trojan horse? Into which lots of skirted fellas climbed up through its butt, and other skirted fellas rolled out to a beach, where the Cainenites wheeled in behind the walls of Cain Ville? Only it's not a horse? But an Elephant? Or not an elephant, but pizza?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 5, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Wait. I hate to reveal what an old timer around here I am, but has the ban on linking to Politico articles been lifted? Or did no one inform KBJ?

Come here a minute July 5, 2011 at 5:01 pm

THE POLITICO has WON the end of the LINK BAN.

LiveToServeYa July 5, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I think the ban vanished long ago due to the unending stream of humor Politico produces. More importantly, what of the fate of Wonkbot?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 5, 2011 at 5:25 pm

My money is still on Wonkbot having gone sentient and is now Barb. Especially since I have never gotten the nude photos I was promised.

prommie July 6, 2011 at 9:45 am

My jet-pack is late in arriving, as well.

Reagan Still Dead July 5, 2011 at 4:59 pm

This could be like Tiananmen Square but with better outfits and drinks.

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 4:59 pm

What, the Hobby Lobby is out of glitter??? Oh the horrors!!

DaRooster July 5, 2011 at 5:02 pm

“after weeks of swirling rumors between Cain’s staff and volunteers in the Hawkeye State accusing each other of affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct.”

Staffer 1: "Don't be so friggin' gay."
Staffer 2: "You're gay!"
Staffer 1: "Nuh uh… you're the homo."
Staffer 2: "So… you have sex with Newt Gingrich."
Staffer 1: "That's not fair! Mr. Cain…"

Fukui_sanYesOta July 5, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Didn't I already do this?

</confused>

DaRooster July 5, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Sorry… its my inner Chuck Norris…

(I glanced for a like comment but didn't think I would see one. I did however less than a minute ago… I did fist you in the upward direction)

fartknocker July 5, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I'll bet the memo on this campaign conondrum is like all of Old Herm's proposed legislation: it's < 3 pages in length and can be read at the dinner table.

tihond July 5, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Got to have a free schedule when "Project Runway" comes on.

Slim_Pickins July 5, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Will the "Gingrich situation" become known as a Newtron bomb? (Kills the staffers but not the candidate).

LiveToServeYa July 5, 2011 at 5:11 pm

When you get so many closets together, they're bound to rub against each other.

ClydeMydia July 5, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Needs moar meaty toppings!

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 5:15 pm

I will say this. I never want to know if Herman's cain has a cheese filled crust!!

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 5:25 pm

"swirling rumors (…) of affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct"

Wait, isn't that our racket? What the hell!?

ManchuCandidate July 5, 2011 at 5:35 pm

"Godfather's Pizza the perfect pizza for your gay pizza sexy time parties."

LetUsBray July 5, 2011 at 9:15 pm

"…so much grease you won't need Vaseline!"

WhatTheHeck July 5, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Hope Herman has a thick crust and can weather this situation anyway you slice it.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 1:13 am

Actually, given his snipefest at Jon Stewart, I'd say Herman's crust is as thin as Parasailin's.

smitallica July 5, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Look for the newest entry on urbandictionary.com, a phrase meaning "To be inside someone else while cancer is inside your wife." Also called a "Newt Gingrich Situation."

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 5:48 pm

This seems appropriate, somehow. When Dems lose, we usually accuse the campaigns of failing to present a coherent message, or some other sort of incompetence. When R's lose, it's because they were STABBED IN THE BACK.

OK, except for Gingrich. That's just Pure Essence of Fail from top to bottom.

flamingpdog July 6, 2011 at 12:15 am

or stabbed in the ass.

fletc3her July 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I thought they were accusing each other of "professional conduct" which would never be allowed in a Republican campaign.

V572 [SSAN] July 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm

OT, but Tweetie just said, "Do you think the world isn't going to notice when the most powerful country in the world is just dicking around instead of paying its debts?"

1. Weiner: Tweets dick pix
2. Halperin: Characterizes the President of the United States as "a dick"
3. Matthews: Calls the United States of America a dick

It's a trend!

flamingpdog July 6, 2011 at 12:17 am

"Dick Nixon before he dicks you."

thefrontpage July 5, 2011 at 6:05 pm

All of the Republicans running for president are the homosexuals, including BachMANN.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi July 5, 2011 at 6:05 pm

one more establishment puppet

Herman Cain will obey AIPAC orders
Herman Cain will protect the 911 cover-up
Herman Cain will obey Federal Reserve orders

No candidate ever brought so many different groups together in one place.
nader paul kucinich gravel mckinney baldwin ventura sheehan perot carter

Barrelhse July 5, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Oh, those darned queers.
Someone should speak to Dorothy about her friends.

Beowoof July 5, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Really, this is where were at in 2011, everyone still worried who's sausage is stuffed in who's crust. Please wake me when someone in the republican party has a reality check.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 5, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I like pizza. I like pizza a lot. but Godfather's pizza is one of the very few that makes me feel like shit after I eat one. Does this mean I'm a racist or just intolerant of shitty ingredients?

finallyhappy July 5, 2011 at 8:03 pm

I don't eat any chain pizza- so I think it is intolerance of grease.

fuflans July 5, 2011 at 6:27 pm

lighten up francis.

SudsMcKenzie July 5, 2011 at 7:17 pm

I hope their resignation letters were less than 3 pages.

voodooeconomics July 5, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Lots of penetration going on inside the Cain Cabal. Get a hold of it Cain.

zhubajie July 5, 2011 at 7:50 pm

You know, there are probably more Muslims in Iowa than there are Black people.

finallyhappy July 5, 2011 at 8:05 pm

I wasn't in Iowa long the last time -about 4 days in the summer. I saw a few darkskinned people near the University – but they appeared to be South or East Asians

HobbesEvilTwin July 5, 2011 at 8:33 pm

such a shame. Herman would have been president if not for this unfortunate incident*

* and the fact that he's a stupid motherfucker.

PristineODummy July 6, 2011 at 1:16 am

And the fact that nobody supports him enough to, you know, actually send him money or anything.

WordSaladNation July 5, 2011 at 8:53 pm

The Herman Cain campaign has taught me that there truly is an Indigo Girls song for every occasion.

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Good choice…I really don't see him ever being any Closer to Fine.

Warpde July 5, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Ahhhhh!
Ron Reagan’s homosexual parties.
Now those were the day's.
Ridding big bronc's, if you know what I mean.
The stable boy's. The Big boy's. Hell, any boy.

S'cuse me while I wipe a tear.

You know? They don't call him Ray's-gun for nothing.

Redhead July 5, 2011 at 10:34 pm

So Cain's been dipping into the Palin family meth stash?

Doktor Zoom July 5, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Huh. I guess that does put Cain's new campaign video into some sort of context.

flamingpdog July 6, 2011 at 12:23 am

Thanks to you, I'll never be able to play MarioKart with the kidz, no more.

Doktor Zoom July 6, 2011 at 2:06 am

Yeah, for some reason, my kid is now afraid of Segways.

ttommyunger July 6, 2011 at 9:16 am

“Newt Gingrich situation.” : Kind of like relative humidity-you know, when the sweat off your balls is running down your Campaign Manager's taint.

prommie July 6, 2011 at 9:42 am

Ahem. Ahem hmm hmm ahem. EVERY campaign is infiltrated by homosexuals. "Campaign staff" is a euphemism for "mostly closeted, but some not, homosexuals." Campaign staffers make The Village People look straight. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Its the drama, I think; a campaign is like community theater, in its special little way.

Limeylizzie July 5, 2011 at 5:30 pm

We call her Grammy, really just put a bonnet on her and you've got Irene Ryan.

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Oh, I dunno about Irene Ryan. I rather think Yertle McTurtle rather favors Miss Jane Hathaway.

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Don't besmirch the good name of Irene Ryan.

Negropolis July 5, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Gingrichflected

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: