The Earth was tired of ventriloquist dummy Jim Inhofe walking around with those sweaty Koch fingers up his butt and clacking his jaw all day long about how climate change is all super fake, so nature cold attacked Inhofe with a diseased giant green blob. No, really! Was there a clever trap? No, because Inhofe is so sure climate problems of all kinds are so fake that he willingly took a swim in a fetid lake filled with a massive, unusual algae bloom probably caused by scorching temperatures from Oklahoma’s horrific turn as new location for the third circle of hell. And, surprise, it gave him a horrible respiratory infection that caused him to miss a Koch-funded climate change skeptics’ conference in Chicago! God may not be good at doling out justice, but Mother Nature will Eff. You. Up.
Tulsa World reports:
“There is no question,” the Oklahoma Republican said, linking what he thought was a routine dive into the lake last Monday morning to a severe upper respiratory illness.
“That night, Monday night, I was just deathly sick.”
Inhofe and his wife, Kay, have had a home at the lake for decades, and he has never seen that kind of algae in the water previously.
“I didn’t think anything about it,” he said, recalling that he had encouraged his 13-year-old granddaughter to join him in the water but she declined.
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I'm more worried about the algae bloom being poisoned by Inhofe.
One of these things is a slimy, completely brainless blight on the environment, and the other is pretty much a direct consequence of the fact that that the first one is a US Senator in charge of setting our environmental policy.
Who needs a nuclear apocalypse?
We can achieve our cockroach-ruled planetary future without one.
~
Lots of cockroaches are in human form.
The People for Ethical Treatment of Algae are on it.
I look forward to the day when dumping buckets of algae on politicians is a viable form of protest.
karma's a bitch. yes she is.
Algae bloom goes in, respiratory infection comes out, you can't explain it.
Nothing a few dozen leeches can't fix!
"Algae bloom goes in, respiratory infection comes out, you can't explain it."
It's obviously a Mysterious sign from God.
It means God is broke and Jim Inohofe should chuck more money in the offering plate next Sunday…
As George Carlin puts it so well, "Gawd is omniscient, omnipotent, all powerful, and He ALWAYS needs more $$$$!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o
Algae bloom goes in, respiratory infection comes out, you can't explain it to a Republican.
Fixed.
It's god's will motherfucker!
Mother Nature will cut a bitch.
Algae blooms have a well known liberal bias.
MASSIVE FUCKING WIN! (of the day at least
unfortunately it looks like the algae bloom caught a nasty, and possibly fatal, case of the Infofe…let us all pray to Jeebus that the algae bloom survives to fight another day, can I get an Amen?
Oklahoma still exists? I thought Jeebus sent it the 10 plagues.
Being sent to Oklahoma is one of the plagues.
Inhofe is one of the plagues.
Jeebus sent a bunch of Oklahomans to populate it – that's why all the locusts departed.
Oh, like a mere ten plagues could possibly destroy the hellhole that is Oklahoma!
"“I didn’t think anything about it,” he said, recalling that he had encouraged his 13-year-old granddaughter to join him in the water but she declined."
She seems smart. Must be adopted.
I don't know, she's probably one of the ones that made that igloo in DC a winter or so ago.
Don't forget we are talking relative smartness here – Inhofe is dumber than a door nail so the threshold is quite low.
more proof that republicans don't give a shit about kids once out of the womb.
Algae bloom libel!
“That night, Monday night, I was just deathly sick.”
But not sick enough.
slime, meet sludge.
This is a wonderful parable: these idiots have no sense of self-preservation and will try to take the rest of us with them.
If only he had gone to the Krauthammer School for Diving….
The Krauthammer diving method didn't appear to slow down the founder, in fact it may have made him meaner.
Maybe they need to tweak their method so it happens from the waist up.
Whats that little fish called that swims up your penis and causes severe pain and discomfort.?
Eric Cantor.
Mark Foley Catheter Fish
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru
I showed my disdain for Sen Inhofe and I also learned something. Thanks One_
Oh no, I have to drive through Oklahoma and this means I will have to wear a condom for the whole drive. Maybe a body condom will be apporpriate.
Keep the AC on recirc, so you let less of the atmosphere in to your vehicle.
And these fish can do the same thing to a vagina, so ladies, you can join us menfolk in the nightmares.
Two wetsuits. With a condom for the dildo. I b'leev the denizens of that benighted state lost one of their fine preachers that way recently. Although perhaps that was some *other* state full of mindless green blobs.
Great. Thanks…I think…
weinerfish, silly
Twitter?
Noman?
LOL
Marcus Bachmann
Dickeater marcusbachmannii?
Microorganisms are only a theory, ya know. Have you ever seen one? Case closed, libunatics
Germ theory? Everyone knows that disease is caused by government expenditures!
And contrails.
If the tepid, stagnant water in Inhofe's pond can support that number and variety of life forms, it must be good for you, right?
Microorganisms are a FACT and they are caused by lack of tax cuts.
We must liberate the small bacteria from the oppression of taxes. The small bacteria are the disease-creators.
In line with other scientific beliefs, Inhofe probably still believes in the theory of the four humors, and treated his illness with a good leeching.
Where in Genesis did God create algae? Clearly this is the Devil's work.
Once Inhofe is released from the hospital, he's going to go read that algae bloom an article about how we're currently in a nine year global cooling trend, so it knows what's what.
And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee
“I didn’t think anything about it,” he said …
In just just six words, Sen. Inhofe has succinctly summed up his entire life.
Beat me to it, dammit. Mandatory upfist.
“I didn’t think anything about it,” he said .
And then he said the most heard 4 words in Oklahoma:
Here, hold my beer….
Exxon made a great purchase, didn't they? He actually BELIEVES their fake science.
I heard from WALNUTS! that there were illegals and Muslins afoot when that happened. Just sayin'.
That was Walnuts running by chasing them to the gates of Hell?
Poisoning the well is microbe libel!
Anybody check that algae's papers? I bet it sneaked across the border. (I know, the border is with Texas, but still…)
I wonder if the Koch Brothers did like the Mayor of Amity Island in Jaws, telling Jim to "Get in the water. No one's swimming!"
She is your new Oklahoma Senator.
even at 13, she can't be more uneducated than most of Senators…
Phew, thank Zeus he didn't swim in a pool of Diet Sprite.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Asshole.
Succinct and to the point.
+1 to you!
Finally, a constituency that can really relate to conservative Republican politics — algae!
Please. Algae serves a purpose.
I'm not sure "relate" is the right word here. It's a constituency that's dumb enough not to object, but the GOP already has that.
Actually, algae believes in evolution. So, no go on Grand Ol' Phytoplankton.
I hope he turns into a CHUD or something.
turns into?
He's a choad. Will that do?
"a routine dive into the lake"
What? No concrete ponds in Oklahoma?
Who's smarter than a 13 year old?
It's sad. As the climate changes, opportunistic species will thrive in new locations, food production will be disrupted, diseases will travel in new vectors, storms and weather will destroy live and infrastructure. People will die. But Inhofe and his ilk want to whistle past our future graveyard.
About 100 years ago there were virtually no cars and little fossil fuel consumption (compared with today). It took 100 years for us to replace railroads with automobiles. The railroad industry suffered, people lost their jobs. But we gained a flexible, powerful transportation system. We can replace our current system with something else. It might take 100 years. But we've done it before.
well fucking said, but sadly not 'snarky' enough to get you the 100+ upfists you well deserve for this! *golf clap*
He's stupid enough to jump into a fetid, toxic stagnant pond, but is he stupid enough to be a Republican senator?
Why, yes. Yes he is.
Oklahoma: Land of the half-dozen lakes.
Yes, but not all the lakes in OK have houses on them.
Some are just too dangerous, what with all the dumb people jumping into them….
Ironically, Algae and Al Gore have the same effect on Inhofe.
Our new enemy: Algae Queda
ahhh, now THERE'S the snark…double WIN!
Naw, anything that infects Inhofe is a friend to us all.
Maybe after a while he realizes the algae bloom affected his body chemistry and he is now a super villian, able to vomit all over innocent people and turn them into zombies.
Score a win for the greenz.
Inhofe didn't give it a thought because, as a Republican, he is used to swimming in shit, and rather likes it.
Inhofe didn't give it a thought because, as a Republican.
/fixed.
How stupid do you have to be? This stuff kills cattle almost every year in Montana.
OK so now have a range, Inhofe is at least as dumb as some cattle but no smarter than a 13 year old.
Cattle? Unless you can get
TexasOklahoma Tea from those udders, who cares about cattle?Wait. How does Oklahoma algae Montana cattle?
It's just the same stuff we get in small lakes here. You have to be smart enough to notice the blue algae bloom on the surface of the water, which apparantly, Inhofe isn't.
Except, in Montana, they blame it on the wolves.
Jim Inhofe’s 13-year-old (grand)daughter is smarter than he is…She is your new Oklahoma Senator
Why does she remind me of a certain young man from a place called Hope…?
In all fairness, that algae bloom also probably had more than a little to do with runoff from fertilizers and other agricultural chemicals. The heat might only speed their growth.
For once, I'm cheering for Monsanto. But just this once.
"In all fairness, that algae bloom also probably had more than a little to do with runoff from fertilizers and other agricultural chemicals"
Nice theory, but wouldn't that imply that folks in Oklahoma are actually smart enough to grow stuff?
Well hey, let's hope some cyanobacteria turn up for the party:
Drink 'N Die
"And, surprise, it gave him a horrible respiratory infection"
One weird trick to stay asleep all night?
Scum sucking comes naturally to a Koch Sucker like Inhofe.
Mother Nature has very subversive sense of humor.
And a liberal bias.
That sucker is lucky he didn't get this: http://www.valleyhealth.com/Article.aspx?content_...
Just looked at the symptoms of naegleria:
A change in the sense of smell or taste
Fever
Sudden headache
Stiff neck
Sensitivity to light
Nausea and vomiting
Confusion
Loss of balance
Sleepiness
Seizures
Hallucinations
Looks like my last hangover.
I'm more of a glass half empty sort of guy: The rest of us were unlucky that he didn't get it.
There is a brain-eating amoeba that lives in warm, spring-fed lakes throughout the South.
But obviously, Inohofe is immune from any harm from that…
New Headline: "Brain-eating amoeba starves to death in Senator Inhofe's skull cavity"
“I didn’t think anything about it,” he said
Obviously, he's never seen the horror movie where the protagonist stupidly decides to spend the night in the abandoned house.
So to sum up, Jim Inhofe’s 13-year-old daughter is smarter than he is at detecting gross abnormalities in the environment. She is your new Oklahoma Senator.
Surprised….anyone….anyone at all…..Didn't think so.
When you pee in Mother Nature's pools you are just asking for trouble.
I hope he tries faith healing. That would pretty much make this story perfect.
Algae/Palin 2012!
This goes well with Mother Nature casting lightning bolts at Confederate Civil War reenactors².
Maybe? those fucktards will eventually get it.
Nobody likes you because you are stupid, racist assholes.
² Details
~
In Oklahoma, it is hardly worth diving into water if it is not covered with a layer of filth. It is just one of the many benefits of global warming that there is more scum to go around.
Jim Inhofe will never take away our freedom to suffer severe upper respiratory illness. God bless the USA!
Jim Imhoff jumped into an algae filled pond and lowered the IQ of the pond by 10 points.
The Emperor's New Swimsuit
That activist judge who stayed the anti-sharia amendment deserves to be held responsible for the algae infiltration.
You can get rid of that algae with a few 100,000 gallons of Exxon Mobile Montana crude.
So to sum up the average algae bloom is smarter than Jim Inhofe is.
Algae Bloom 2012, I say!
Hey Jim, next time don't place your outhouse so close to the water.
Wait?! He was skinnydipping with his granddaughter? That's just gross.
No that's republican
That'd be grandson, no?
He's a Family Values pol, so of course he was skinny dippin' with the grands.
Not in Oklahoma.
i got nothing. the stupidity here is utterly depressing. i attempt to console myself with the thought that we've managed to survive many other idiotic know-nothing populist 'representatives' – but the world is moving a lot faster these days.
as is global warming.
I was thinking about what a
Friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie.
Neil Young never sleeps……✌
Sounds like Republican presidential material, to me.
Isn't this the same fool who nearly killed some mechanics on a runway recently? He is a fucking genius!
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/04/13/faa-sen-inh...
Yes, an arrogant fucking genius.
Where are the Water Moccasins when you need some.
Facts meet ideology. Facts win. Who knew?
It's because of the facts' damned librul bias.
“I didn’t think anything about it,” he said
As if Imhoff ever thinks about anything.
Next let's get him to prove the other favorite wingnut canard that carbon dioxide is completely "natural" by pulling a plastic bag over his head.
I was just in southeastern China, where every body of water looks like this, thanks to the heinous pollution there (from factories contracted by American business to produce t-shirts, children's toys, bobble-heads, and pretty much every item sold at WalMart or featured in SkyMall). At least the Chinese are smart enough not to swim in it.
So, Inhofe’s 13-year-old (grand)daughter wouldn't hop in for some slimi'n
She's gotta be a damn Liberal.
I sympathize with the granddaughter. For the first time it turned out that the boiling bubbling methane blasts were not Grandaddy's farts.
It wasn't global warming or pollution. He was poisoned by eco-terrorists, just like in that Chriton book.
I'm with the poster who realizes this has everything to do with phosphates in run-off (fertilizer and manure – a favorite Okie combo).
I'm also willing to bet the ranch that Inhofe has blocked attempts to control agricultural pollution, so it's the same story, same karma, same stupidity, and same corporate campaign contributions that determine his "beliefs" and buy his votes.
Reticulated filamentous Ulvophyceae – 1
Retxrdicus Blowhardus Moronae – 0
Oh yeah, well Al Gore is fat, and sometimes it still snows in the winter, therefore there's no such thing as global warming.
And Clinton got a blow job.
And Obama said he'd visited 57 states.
Don't you see, it's a liberal conspiracy! Algae=Al G=Al Gore! Gore's behind all this. Wake up sheeple!
OK, looks like Downsydrome McFistula has been here, defending the honor of his equals. (That would be the algae.)
Inhofe looks forward to serving his green filamentous overlords.
DO NOT FUCK WITH THE SWAMP THING!
Needz more Adrienne Barbeau.
I am for anything that attacks Jim Inhofe; I , for one, welcome our new Algae Overlords.
I see that Inhofe is also a creationist. I hope that, for the sake of consistency, he rejected any treatments that relied on the theory of Evilution. Antibiotics are tools of the devil.
I'm surprised he didn't take some polar bears in there with him.
Waitaminnit, how is God not good at doling out justice? Didn't he send all those tornadoes, hurricanes and floods to the red states because of all the queers and browns in the blue states? Seems spot-on to me!
Oklahoma’s horrific turn as new location for the third circle of hell.
New? NEW?!?
meanwhile, at the shallow end of the gene pool…
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