AMERICA'S CRUCIAL ISSUES  10:35 am July 5, 2011

Levi’s Sister Says Bristol Palin Was Part of Teen Sex Tent Party, With Levi

by Wonkette Jr.

BFFs back in the sexy summer of '08.Are we still talking about the sex lives of former teenagers in Alaska during the Sexy Summer of ’08? Well then, Levi Johnston’s sister, Mercede Johnston, has a hot new blog review of Bristol’s teen vampire fiction, Not Afraid of Publicity. According to Levi’s sister, who knows all about what Bristol did that summer because duh, Levi, there are reasons to question Bristol’s heartbreaking account of being accidentally knocked up in a tent due to Levi being a sketch artist who knew the secret magical powers of Wine Coolers. This is important to American Politics, so let’s see where Mercede is going with it!

To recap, this Bristol Palin person was a teenager who got knocked up in the woods by her boyfriend, the guy she swore she was going to marry, because for inscrutable reasons John McCain picked this gal’s nutball mom to be the Republican vice presidential candidate in 2008, and now, many years later, this Bristol Palin is still somehow cashing in on being an unwed teen mom with literally no shame.

So Mercede — please don’t add an “s” to that name, because the Johnston kids all have singular versions of famous consumer brand names — writes some Wasilla hot gossip in her blog post, apparently because Bristol is claiming she was raped … by her longtime boyfriend, who she dated for years and went on National TeeVee to claim (after this alleged drunken date-tent rape) she was going to marry and love forever, until she got an agent. Oh who even knows, but Bristol Palin will somehow get another $250,000 chastity sponsorship out of all this.

One of the things that I remembered was that my much older cousin (he is in his 30′s) came up from the lower 48 to stay in our house while working with my father. We made him a bed in our downstairs living room which happened to be very close to my brother’s room. Apparently Bristol, the virgin, woke my cousin up several times with all of her …..well let’s just say “enthusiasm.” And by the way this was BEFORE that now notorious camping trip!

The next morning my cousin called my brother aside and had a talk with him. I think Levi was far more embarrassed than Bristol was because the next night she wasn’t any quieter.

And now you know … the rest of the story. Or not, who cares. [Mercede Johnston blog]

 
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{ 201 comments }

DrunkIrishman July 5, 2011 at 10:37 am

Palins Gone Wild.

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Palins Flailin' & Wailin'.

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Palins Gone Away would be good.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 8:01 pm

They're pretty damn feral already, how much wilder could they possibly get?

ManchuCandidate July 5, 2011 at 10:39 am

Shouldn't there be air quotes around virgin?

MissusBarry July 5, 2011 at 10:41 am

Ew, I just don't want to know anything about Brisull's brand of "abstinence" and/or "drunky-wine-cooler-nonconsensual-sex." Vom.

LabRodent July 5, 2011 at 10:41 am

I JUST DONT CARE. Really I just do not care!

Come here a minute July 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

Yes, but do you not care enough to not comment? No, no you don't not.

riverside68 July 5, 2011 at 10:59 am

You don't see me commenting, do you?

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 10:51 am

You're Herman Cain's father?

trampndirtdown July 6, 2011 at 12:09 am

Hd1 I am very disappointed in you. I've been through the entire thread and didn't see one mention. With the absence ( I hope temporary of Extemporanous) I have come to expect you to pick up the slack.
"Pics or it didn't happen".

neiltheblaze July 5, 2011 at 11:34 am

You don't have an enquiring mind then.

NorthStarSpanx July 5, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Every time someone doesn't care, a Palin makes another quarter of a million dollars.

DaSandman July 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

"Virgin" appears to be an honorary title in Wasilla.

nonbeliever7 July 5, 2011 at 11:28 am

Like "Governor"

BaldarTFlagass July 5, 2011 at 11:46 am

Didn't she get the reconstructive surgery for her hymen?

user-of-owls July 5, 2011 at 12:29 pm

So kind of an Eskimo Viscount?

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 12:31 pm

If that's not the name of a sex position, it should be.

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Or an act that involves poop.

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:08 pm

""Virgin" appears to be an honorary title in Wasilla."

And a little-understood one, also too.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Well, back in the old days, it just meant "woman who is not married, and therefore not subject to men." Or something. Anywho, that's Bristle's interpretation.

johnnymeatworth July 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

Arnold Schwarzenegger's available now, maybe Bristol could start fucking him in hopes of producing an heir to run yet another western state.

CessnaDriver July 6, 2011 at 11:19 am

All he'd have to do is show her the last six digits of his bank account balance.

Radiotherapy® July 5, 2011 at 10:43 am

News Update:
Bristol Palin Likes to Fuck!

ManchuCandidate July 5, 2011 at 10:46 am

Nothing wrong with that at all… except if you make your monies telling other teens not to fuck.

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 12:32 pm

And then writes a book about how fucking is horrible!

Maybe she's doing the capitalist thing and angling for a state-sponsored monopoly on fucking.

Chillwaver July 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

Fuck the Snobilly Grifter Klan and the grifters that grift after them. Seriously, if I don't hear about Wasilla ever again, I'll die a happy man.

Terry July 5, 2011 at 10:54 am

Wasilla should go back to being known only for two things. One, being a town you drive through on the way from Anchorage to Denali, and two, for lots of police arrests for meth related crimes.

gvvt July 6, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Uhm… Sorry.

weejee July 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

Arizona sweatshirt shows Bristol had an early love affair with cacti too, also.

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 10:46 am

Wait, is Mercede suggesting that a Palin may actually have lied about something? How could that be with such an upstanding, honest, hard working and moral family?

NorthStarSpanx July 5, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Don't forget thick skin.

“I think we have some of the thickest skin,” 20-year-old Palin said of her family during an interview with the Arizona Republic. “We’re really tough, and what people say negatively about us, it’s like, ‘OK, whatever, they are entitled to their own opinion.’ But at the end of the day, we’re a close-knit family, and we have God on our side.”

So there, wait, what?

GuanoFaucet July 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

Bristol's new t-shirt line: Yup, I'm a screamer.

BaldarTFlagass July 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

"You can't be first, but you can be next!"

CessnaDriver July 6, 2011 at 11:19 am

Or, "I'm a hummer".

gullywompr July 5, 2011 at 10:50 am

Hey, give Brisket a break – she was obviously so drunk she didn't realize that guy was somebody else's cousin.

Mumbletypeg July 5, 2011 at 10:50 am

aha so when the expression of ardor, worn on one's ring finger, is your former boyfriend's / fiancé's rapist's? let the record be revised to show tattoo's in wasillabillyspeak are a "map, not a contract!"

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 12:34 pm

They aren't intended as factual statements.

Gleem_McShineys July 5, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Perhaps there is more to that tattoo around the finger that is not visible from this angle, like "insert into" and "up to here"

JustPixelz July 5, 2011 at 10:50 am

Mama Grizzly Sarah Palin™ sure knows how to be a mama — trusting her 17yo daughter to be on these sleep-overs at the Johnston's and camping trips with Levi. "They're just teenagers, what's the worst that could happen?" she undoubtedly told hubby Todd as he came home from another massage.

And that's why the Tea Party loves her. She understands Real Americans.

Terry July 5, 2011 at 10:55 am

Wasn't Mama Grizzly in a family way when she married the First Dude, too?

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Apparently, yes, she was. As was her mother. Tradition! The Palin way!

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:10 pm

"And that's why the Tea Party loves her. She understands Real Americans."

Yeah, she's thick as a brick, too.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Thick as two short bricks.

bflrtsplk July 5, 2011 at 10:51 am

But Bristols is still a virgin, though, amirite?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 5, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Sorry, but "I know nothing" isn't the same as "nobody's known me."

When I think of Levi, more and more I think of Alice's trips down the rabbit hole and through the looking glass. I just hope the guy gets his bearings back, and adjusts well to the real world now that he's back.

zhubajie July 5, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Maybe nasally.

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 10:51 am

Bristol nicknamed that hoodie "foreshadowing".

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 10:52 am

"OH. YES. LEVI!!!"

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Sounds like rape to me.

tribbzthesquidz July 5, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Hennggghhhh!

mannacler July 5, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Drill, Baby, drill.

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Now we know where Mama Palin got that saying from.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 5, 2011 at 10:55 am

Can we use the word "Wirgin", in the service of greater truthiness?
~

nounverb911 July 5, 2011 at 10:57 am

Was there a prize for the first one knocked up?

philpjfry July 5, 2011 at 10:58 am

fuck this family and the horse they rode in on……if they haven't fucked it already because you know, that stuff sells

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 10:58 am

When Malaria and Shariah go to sex parties, they're smart enough not to get punished with babies.

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 11:04 am

Proudly, I was the first to downfist this. But I think it's due the seeming-opacity of the reinterpretation of the kids's names.

As is: thinking about pre-teens, at a sex-party… You're lucky Chris Hansen has bigger things to worry about, right now.

comrad_darkness July 5, 2011 at 11:12 am

But conservatives are never racist. Never ever. So there.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 11:18 am

What racist connotations do you perceive (project ?) in the terms malaria or shariah or in the phrase, "punished with babies?"

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 11:26 am

please no one feed the troll. He's lonely down in the basement, when he gets bored of this he'll go back to fapping to Founding Fathers fan fiction.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 5, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Fuck off.

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 11:16 am

So 1) continuing the use of racist "jokes" about little girls, 2) "joke" about said little girls going to sex parties, and3) the weird use of "smart enough not to get punished with babies" as if that's somehow mockery, when most parents of girls old enough to be having sex (which the girls you are "joking" about aren't) would want them to be smart enough not to have babies.

Congratulations, you have made the scumbag trifecta you pathetic little man, in addition to making another comment that's so nonsensical I can't tell what point you're trying to make, other than just throwing random racism, sexism and pedophilia out there.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 11:19 am

You gots a kewt obsession there. How's that law practice? Keeping you bz?

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

Ah, the rarely seen non sequitur troll; more palatable than the rage cage troll but also less entertaining.

2/10

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 11:26 am

And his random ramblings are pretty much all copies of crap he's posted before; the guy doesn't realize that saying the same thing over and over and over again makes him seem like even more of a deranged moron.

bflrtsplk July 5, 2011 at 11:26 am

Hey, rich tycoon ex-business creator who sold out for megabucks, seems you would have better things to do than make a fool of yourself on this blog, unless, of course, you fabricated the whole big shot thingee yesterday.

PristineODummy July 5, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Well, duh. You really think a rich tycoon ex-business creator who still HAS his bux would waste time piddling around on the InnerTubes?

ifthethunderdontgetya July 5, 2011 at 11:21 am

Spanky2's second account, Spanky2b, is now following 1,076 intense debate users.

Anyone care to guess how his double-downfist script works?
~

bflrtsplk July 5, 2011 at 11:26 am

And he has posted over 9,000 comments. How is that possible?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 5, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Being unemployed and full of hate makes it possible.

mumbly_joe July 5, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I have 9,300 posts in 100 weeks.

That's about 13 per day.
SorosBot has almost 9,000 posts in 44 weeks.

That's about 30 posts per day.
Per day, SorosBot has made about THREE TIMES the number of posts I have made.

What are you saying about SorosBot?

http://intensedebate.com/people/JMPEsq

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 1:03 pm

He's three times better than you?

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Hey Sorosbot. You've got a fan club!

bflrtsplk July 5, 2011 at 1:48 pm

SorosBot is entertaining. You're not. When you spend all day typin', how do you get to any of that volunteerin' that makes you so proud?

SarahsBush July 5, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Sorosbot also only has one account.

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 11:45 am

He's perfected hands-free fapping, which leaves both his fists free for some carnal, hardcore double down-fisting action

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm

No script.

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Sounds like you frequent sex parties with 10 year olds. Probably your sister.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Pedophile.

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 1:34 pm

You have frequently posted nasty comments about Obama's children under your various spanky names, and you call others pedophiles? I'd hate to see what kind of nasty kiddie porn is stored on your hard drive.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:44 pm

You seem to fantasize a lot about kiddie porn and attribute to others that which you do yourself.

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I can only assume that you typed this while wiping away those tears of impotent rage at the fact that your heroine has one daughter who is a confirmed drunken slut and the other is a foul-mouthed criminal.

flamingpdog July 5, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Banned on Wonkette??

When I tagged Noman as Nomind, you switched to Gaetun Dugas. When I tagged you GayTom Dogass, you switched to Immolate Heretics. As soon as I tagged you HimmlerAte HairyDicks, you became Banned on Wonkette. You can't even deal with the world's lowest form of humor, and we're supposed to take anything you post seriously?

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I have dealt in real life with a couple of nasty, unbalanced, anger-filled stalker types. Call me a queasy coward, but it is no more pleasant to deal with these types online.

This sick, twisted, perverted dirtbag contributes nothing, nothing, nothing to the Wonkette discussion. Nothing. I just have no problem at all with banning someone like him permanently and repeatedly as necessary. I really wish that could happen.

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 10:59 am

Yes, we came.

tihond July 5, 2011 at 11:03 am

<Bristol Palin Picture>
GROPE

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 11:00 am

She's just following her mother's footsteps, f@#%ing over as much of Merka as possible.

Ducksworthy July 5, 2011 at 11:01 am

So. It's true. Being a drunken slut can pay off big time. Who cares?

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm

More drunken sluts in this country is change I can believe in!

arihaya July 5, 2011 at 11:01 am

well, Bristol Palin's Alaska may win AVN Awards

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 11:05 am

Selena Rose will play her turn in the lead into mega-stardom on the adult scene, & even legitimate roles in non-adult drama.

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of Sasha Grey playing the role of Brisket

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Sasha's too narrow/thin to play Bristol. Plus, she's too serious to do porn, anymore.

tcaalaw July 6, 2011 at 8:50 am

If that second sentence is true, I weep for America.

tcaalaw July 6, 2011 at 8:50 am

Eh, needs more DP just to have a shot at a nomination let alone a win these days.

DaRooster July 5, 2011 at 11:02 am

So… a Palin lied? Hmmm… what is the world coming to?

tihond July 5, 2011 at 11:03 am

New addition to the AP Style Guide: "The Virgin Bristol Palin" on all references, as with The Virgin Connie Swail.

Weenus299 July 5, 2011 at 11:07 am

The Wasilla chapter of MOMMA/PAGAN demands it!

Weenus299 July 5, 2011 at 11:06 am

I wasn't there during the immaculate conception, but post Jesus-birth bible gossip shit went down this way, too.

Manhattan123 July 5, 2011 at 11:07 am

Please tell me the cousin's name was Pringle, in keeping with the family's naming tradition.

Terry July 5, 2011 at 11:13 am

Tacobell

GortRay July 5, 2011 at 11:21 am

Cheeto

under_score July 5, 2011 at 11:27 am

Adida

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Coincidentally, that's the name of the STI Levi gave Bristol, or Bristol gave Levi. (Who knows who had it first: chicken-egg scenario.)

kissawookiee July 5, 2011 at 11:56 am

Skecher

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Malaria and Shariah are already taken.

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Skoal.

tribbzthesquidz July 5, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Dangle

GhostBuggy July 5, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Hummer.

BklynIlluminati July 5, 2011 at 11:07 am

Wait the one time Levi can probably out grift the grifters he decides to sit on his hands??? Levi buddy you need to be suing the pants off that family for that sweet sweet book money that is libeling you and there isn't even any blood involved oh wait it was her virginity. VIRGIN BLOOD LIBEL here people!!!!

jus_wonderin July 5, 2011 at 11:13 am

Maybe Levi is taking the hymen road.

An_Outhouse July 5, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Maybe Levi loves his kid and wants to see it again.

An_Outhouse July 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm

First I thought, 'What the fuck are you talking about?' then I realized what is going on around here and I realized 'the terrorist/troll has won'.

zhubajie July 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Well, I've been wondering who's been tending the kid while Bristle is off dancing, buying houses in AZ, etc.

aguacatero July 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

This is fine, but Mercede's sister Oldmobile dishes the scandal much faster and bitterer.

FannyBurney July 5, 2011 at 7:13 pm

That would be Oldsmobil, in keeping with the family spelling tradition of dropping the last letter in a brand name. See Grandma Pepto Bismo.

lumpenprole July 5, 2011 at 11:14 am

Abstinence Ed Rep Bristol Palin sez "Wanna hear some Fucked Up Shit?"
- wine coolers & stuff –
"And that's why you should listen to me about teens not having sex."
Am I missing something?

NYNYNYjr July 5, 2011 at 8:15 pm

So wine coolers and fucking and stuff, and then I got pregnant and everyone was like, that's cool Bristol, and then I went on TV, and wrote a book and got this job- plus this awesome baby! Anyway- don't fuck and don't use condoms if you do! Goodnight!

El Pinche July 5, 2011 at 11:15 am

*sigh* I love sluts. Too bad Bristol looks like Jig Saw without the clown make-up these days..

FakaktaSouth July 5, 2011 at 11:16 am

Ew she even squeals like a pig.

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Probably best not to get the audiobook version.

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 11:16 am

So who can convince me this isn't some sort of intricate reality soap opera or something that is being perpetrated on us as a nation. They are turning into caricatures of themselves; this can't be real… please tell me it can't be real?

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I'm just waiting for Jerry Springer. Maybe this will be the Thanksgiving Pay Per View, the Johnston's and Palin's getting together for a food fight/clothes rending/ wrestling match.

DaRooster July 5, 2011 at 11:19 am

"Apparently Bristol, the virgin, woke my cousin up several times with all of her …..well let’s just say 'enthusiasm.'"
"My cousin told me about it when we were making love… it is Alaska after all."

horsedreamer_1 July 5, 2011 at 2:50 pm

"My cousin told me about it when we were making love… It is Alaska after all".

Must have been a Wednesday, too.

It's Business… It's Business Time.

deanbooth July 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Indirectly: "You're not as loud as Bristol."

KeepFnThatChicken July 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

How come this transcript reads like a Miss USA contestant's depiction of events?

El Pinche July 5, 2011 at 11:23 am

Back from reading Mercede's blog. Excuse me while I go wash off all this white trash.

SenileAgitation July 5, 2011 at 11:25 am

The comments on Ms. Johnston's blog seem to indicate Bristol had a black boyfriend in Juneau? How do you explain it? A black man in Juneau who likes pigs?

GortRay July 5, 2011 at 11:26 am

Some semi-famous guy once said in reference to Britney Spears that Murica just loves white trash jailbait ass. I guess Bristol took that as career advice.

valgal2342 July 5, 2011 at 11:27 am

In vino cooler sexy time veritas.

tihond July 5, 2011 at 11:27 am

Drink idea: The Virgin Bristol Palin… It's everything that's in a Virgin Bloody Mary, but also includes some wine cooler and lots of Vodka.

Chet Kincaid July 5, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Abstinence On The Beach: Hawaiian Punch and vodka hidden in a Thermos.

Sparky_McGruff July 5, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Definitely a shot of spoiled whine, as well.

NYNYNYjr July 5, 2011 at 8:17 pm

and semen.

neiltheblaze July 5, 2011 at 11:33 am

Like water, Alaskan white trash seeks its own level.

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 11:34 am

I think we should adopt Mercede here on Wonkette, there's a sad truth to these words and it does provide a perspective on the entire Palin victimhood scam :

As for that "rape" allegation, I have to wonder if any of the millions of girls out there who truly have been sexually assaulted take offensive at Bristol claiming that her consensual sexual encounter in that tent gives her the right to place herself in their company? After all it is people like Bristol, girls who claim they were sexually assaulted when in fact they weren't, who give excuses for people to doubt the claims of REAL victims of assault or rape.

Redhead July 5, 2011 at 12:04 pm

"I have to wonder if any of the millions of girls out there who truly have been sexually assaulted take offensive at Bristol claiming that her consensual sexual encounter in that tent gives her the right to place herself in their company?"
Yes, very much so. It happens anytime there's a false rape report in the news – this one just happens to be getting national media attention.

Her claim that she got engaged to her "rapist" for attention makes me want to vomit. I wish it made her want to vomit – girl could stand to lose a few pounds, or 50.

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Considering her mom's treatment of rape victims in Wasilla, I don't think these self-centered scum care at all how they may effect real victims.

Schmannnity July 5, 2011 at 11:56 am

So says Mercede. What's Porsche's take?

FannyBurney July 5, 2011 at 7:15 pm

That would be Porsch, please.

mumbly_joe July 5, 2011 at 12:09 pm

So it's really not clear why she "wondered why it's called 'losing' your virginity" to paraphrase her terrible book, as all evidence suggests that she LITERALLY misplaced it.

Chet Kincaid July 5, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Consider me whet–I cannot WAIT for Levi's book to come out!! This is the "Rashomon" of teen sex farces!!!

tcaalaw July 6, 2011 at 8:53 am

If I had to put the Palin family drama into the context of a Kurasowa film, I'd probably go with The Bad Sleep Well with Levi in the Toshiro Mifune role.

StarsUponThars July 5, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Teen Sex Tent Party: greatest punk band name ever.

Mahousu July 5, 2011 at 12:29 pm

It is a blood libel to call Bristol Palin an "unwed teen mom with literally no shame." She is 20 years old now.

LiveToServeYa July 5, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Man, this drama is in-tents. Also! If Mercede's missing 's' migrated to Levi, think of all the jeans commercials he could make.

HobbesEvilTwin July 5, 2011 at 12:42 pm

humpy teenagers hump

Guppy06 July 5, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Not according to Alaska Public Schools they don't!

proudgrampa July 5, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Too tired to even type. Thanks, LabRodent:

I JUST DONT CARE. Really I just do not care!

elviouslyqueer July 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I for one am waiting in breathless anticipation for the next installment of "Tundra Trash Tales." Breathless, I say!

zhubajie July 5, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Yeah, me too! Too bad none of them have any literary talent. What would Mark Twain or Faulkner do with this material?

starfanglednut July 5, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Wasilla = Yoknapatawpha County

Ducksworthy July 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
And it made me think my vision was failin'
Was the sight of a pregnant virgin Palin.

MiniMencken July 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm

So, where was the "Momma Grizzly" while all these sleep-over shennanigans were going on?

proudgrampa July 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Can't we just move on, ferchrissake???

(OK, I wasn't as tired as I thought!)

MMathS July 5, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Is Mercede on the left? I would wreck that chick.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Any woman on the left is already a wreck.

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Hey, spanky, word on the street is that your mother was a wreck.

MMathS July 5, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Don't feed the trolls on my posts!

MMathS July 5, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Troooooolllllllllllllllllllllls!

PubOption July 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I think that is Mercede, probably before the boob job.

DashboardBuddha July 5, 2011 at 1:52 pm

"Levi…turn left a bit…no left DAMMIT! Fuck it, it fell out again…here, let me, DAMN! If only your cock was as big as dad's. What? You FUCKER! Well then throw your hotdog down some other hall! I'll finish myself.

Oh god oh God oh GOD OH GODDDDDD!

Darklady July 5, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I'm no fan of Bristol Palin's, but she does NOT claim she got pregnant when she had sex with Levi in that tent.

She claims she had her virginity "stolen" in that tent… the pregnancy came a couple of years later.

According to Mercede, it was an intentional pregnancy, too, which could explain why miss "I'm only on Birth Control Pills for my cramps while Levi sometimes uses a condom" managed to get pregnant.

Given that she talks about herself as a "slut" who liked getting drunk & stoned, as well as her mom thinking she was pregnant, I'm not buying the whole "I was a good girl until Levi introduced me to wine coolers" bit.

Whatever July 5, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Video/Audio recordings please.

fuflans July 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

bristol was much better looking in '08.

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Great. Bristol's a screamer. The Nation Needed to Know This.

Fuck you, John McCain, to hell (i.e., living with the Palins forevermore) for all eternity for choosing as your running mate the dimmest, nastiest, griftiest, cuntiest person ever to grace a presidential ticket .

And for thereby sentencing the nation to have to listen to these trailer trash classless dolts and their moronic prattlings on "You're a slut!", "No, you're a slut."

Mercede may be a nice girl. Who knows? Certainly Bristol the lying, skanky, trashy grifterette is not a nice girl. But geez Louise, how did the squabbling of two teens and their unfortunate tawdry couplings become anything that anyone beyond the immediate families ever had to know a damn thing about?

SaintRond July 5, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I don't care what Bristol Palin sounds like in bed. However, for perverse reasons of my own, I rather would like to hear a recording of Sarah Palin being fucked really, really hard. I mean, come on.

Gleem_McShineys July 5, 2011 at 3:31 pm

So this earlier time, I guess Levi only pick-pocketed her virginity coinpurse?

deanbooth July 5, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Everybody loves log!

BerkeleyBear July 5, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Mrs. Bear and I have been catching up on the early episodes of Glee on Netflix (yep, I'm a straight man who loves himself some cheesy musical theater) and in about the fourth episode, the cheerleader who gets knocked up says she only cheated on her boyfriend (breaking her Celibacy Vow or some such shit) with a bad boy because he "got her drunk on wine coolers". I'm guessing Bristol's ghost writer likes to fap to the porcelin skinned Mr. Colfer belting out showtunes and hoped no one would notice the lift.

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Really?! Well, if we must have this trashfest shoved in our faces, it would be nice if this got some traction. So not only didn't sub-literate Bristol write this stupid "book", her ghost-writer didn't write it either?

Barrelhse July 5, 2011 at 11:49 pm

A few of the singular brand-names in use by the aforementioned trash would include Clorok, Maalok, Xerok, CV, Smith Brother, and Vick (VapoRub) Johnston.
(Should be Johnton, probably.)

FightingBill July 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm

So Bristle likes to ride the hockey stick–Wasilla to you? She's a virgin, the Madonna kind.

zappadoo76 July 6, 2011 at 12:46 pm

This is so exciting! Like watching an R-rated beach party movie with Annette and the gang.

DailyGrumbles July 11, 2011 at 5:50 pm

well let’s just say “enthusiasm.”…Yahtzee?!?

SorosBot July 5, 2011 at 11:47 am

Besides which, the racist connotations are so glaringly obvious (and the troll obviously knows it or he wouldn't use those names) that no response is necessary.

mumbly_joe July 5, 2011 at 11:51 am

Obummer! Libunatics! EXTREME!! Double-standard! Robert Byrd, Democratic Plantation, the KKK wer libruls Demcrats, but also slavery wasn't actually so bad really and the Confederates were the good guys and Africans and Arabs did more of it if you pretend that all slavery practiced was equivalent and decide to stretch back through all of recorded history, so if anything, it's their fault.

Did I miss any of the "important" ones?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 5, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Repeating the same moronic shit over and over gets him tons of upfists from the BrightFart crowd. They think he's hilarious — which says a lot about them.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:07 pm

JMP, Esquire.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Take a look at the repetitive nature of your own posts, oh dear obsessed esquire.

mavenmaven July 5, 2011 at 1:50 pm

He's also a racist mofo, here's a good example of his "wit":

1 week ago @ Breitbart.com – Medvedev says wants to… · 0 replies · +5 points
Barack babymomma, do she be's off-limits?

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 11:55 am

George Soros and his SEIU thugs

Chet Kincaid July 5, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Get off my shtick, you damned kids!!

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm

All of them, Katie!

T.

57 states.

Cheney's shotgun.

Yeah, there's lots of originality among the libuneratti.

I do sort of miss them screaming "Enron" every third word.

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm

You should have quit while you were ahead, friend

0/10

Please don't troll unless your going to bring your A game

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm

You think you deserve someone's A game. Good for you! A positive attitude is important.

bflrtsplk July 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm

This is his A game.

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Great example of double standards there skippy.

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 1:10 pm

ATTENTION!

For your remedial teabilly-trolling education please the comment below…

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Thanks for joining us

To continue improving your pathetic trolling skills, please see the above comment!

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Don't worry guys, this should keep him occupied for a while

Immolate Heretics! July 5, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Gotta love libunatic eloquence.

TanzbodenKoenig July 5, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Green is not a pretty color on you

Biel_ze_Bubba July 5, 2011 at 2:30 pm

It's all the eloquence you deserve.

Banned on Wonkette July 5, 2011 at 3:01 pm

There are plenty of similarly in-eloquent posts between libunatics here on Wankerette. You folks sure do hate anyone who doesn't go along with your communist agenda.

Gleem_McShineys July 5, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Poor little martyr, you're just trying to get The Good Word to those heathen Wonketters, and they go and hit you with the naughty words! What is a poor little saint doing such good works to do?

"Communist agenda!" Jesus, you're confused.

I would just like to offer the amendment and Die

GOPCrusher July 5, 2011 at 4:54 pm

If Communism is bad, why do they have all of our money? Was Communism bad, when we were borrowing money from the Chinese at a frightening pace to fund the illegal war in Iraq? How and or when were the Republiklans planning on paying these loans off?

ChessieNefercat July 5, 2011 at 7:40 pm

SPAM

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