How was that Fourth of July long weekend? Did everyone act like a real American for one day? Let’s say it was a contest to see who could be the most American of all, and in that case Maria Shriver automatically wins, for officially filing her divorce papers from her cheating politician husband, the stoner robot-with-a-heart Arnold Schwarzenegger guy who was in charge of watching California’s debt problems get worse for a few years. So, to sum up this whole tragic thing: Arnold, whose main legacy is the fact that millions of hillbillies can pronounce at least one hard-to-sound-out furriner surname without too much trouble, screwed around on his Kennedy wife who gave up her career in journalism (haha, she had one to give up) so he could run for governor, and this is how it ends:
The former television journalist and Kennedy family heiress cited irreconcilable differences but offered no additional details about the breakup.
Shriver did not list a date when the couple separated, although they announced they had done so on May 9.
A week later, the former California governor admitted he fathered a child with a member of his household staff years ago.
The filing, which Shriver signed nearly two weeks ago, signals an end to a union that brought together a rising film action star and a princess of the Kennedy clan, herself an up-and-coming network newscaster.
[AP]
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Consider this a divorce, Ahnold.
"I let him go."
-Maria S.
I guess that's why they call it Independence Day. Huh.
ZING!!!
The day we celebrate the bizarre compatibility of our alien invaders' computers' compatibility with 90s Mac OS, allowing America (and yeah those other countries that don't really count too) to deus ex machina our way out of the invasion.
Now Arnold can say "hasta la vista" to a good chunk of royalties — Kennedys know lawyers.
I was reading where she has people checking for secret bank accounts and secret children.
Hard to imagine there wasn't an elaborately researched pre-nup. Arnold was never dumb about money.
his own money, you mean
Ha ha! All Schadenfreude-seeking Colly-forn-yans were a bit disappointed at Arnold’s earnest near-competence and serious attempts to fix things. But as everyone knew, he was up against the same forces that brought down “Grey” Davis: Prop 13 and the 2/3-supermajority requirement for budget that allows a few Republicans in the Assembly to impose their will over the majority.Oh, and the prison guards union, which apparently runs everything.
"Oh, and the prison guards union, which apparently runs everything."
When you put half the voting-age population in prison, what exactly do you expect?
I bet he wishes Cruz Bustamante won the election now. Or Mary Carey.
The report I read in the SF Comical said there was no pre-nup, so she's likely to terminate his bank account.
By all reports her lawyer is one of the best at Hollywood divorces.
OMG, it’s a race to Wells Fargo for the safe deposit box!
Oh, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down…
I kinda doubt that, actually. Shriver wasn't some cocktail-waitress gold-digger ingenue, but a scionette of an astronomically prominent family, as well as a moderately big deal in her own right. Any prenup would have been double-edged for sure.
It makes perfect sense that a narcissist like Arnie would be so completely in control of his image and not his money. There (according to TMZ, so, maybe this is complete bullshit) is no pre-nup. I wonder did she have more'n him when they hooked up?
Like I said just above, you can only insist upon a prenup if there is an asymmetry in money, status, or power. In the unlikely event that Maria herself had lacked the fortitude to tell Arnold to go fuck himself if a prenup were broached, she could have easily called in Uncle Teddy to deliver the tidings.
Anyone can have a pre-nup.
Of course they can, but you are in a position to insist upon one only if you are significantly wealthier or otherwise a bigger shot than your fiance[e].
Couples bringing a lot of assets into a marriage might find a prenup mutually advantageous, but generally the terms won't be slanted to one of the parties (meaning a Schwarzenegger prenup (though there seems not to be one) probably doesn't have a banging-the-help exception).
Teddy: "Ahnold, let's go for a ride, I'll drive, I got experience at this sort of thing."
Hasta la vista, Arnie.
How do you solve a problem like Maria? He needs some Von Trapps up on his side.
This is good news for John McCain.
He's already offered Schwarzenegger asylum in Panama.
Or at one of his (?Cindy's) extra houses.
Poor girl, what will she do for money now?
Which of them get a reality TV show on the air first?
Ahnold. Kennedy broads tend to have at least a modicum of class about them.
Kennedy men, not so much. Running around drunk without pants … good times.
He is also going be the one desperate for $$$$$
If only the damn state of California had ever done so.
"Maria Shriver Officially Tells Arnold Schwarzenegger To Go Suck It!" As if this big dumb cunt ever needed encouragement.
"irreconcilable difference" AKA "putting his dick in the help".
The thing she has GOT to be the maddest about is how she starved herself into an angular Picasso painting-face for Arnold and the housekeeper lady he wanted to fuck for fun was all soft and mushy.
Now that she doesn't have to eat Sacramento meat-and-potatoes fare, Maria can finally get rid of those last few vanity pounds.
Hey now! There's a lot more than meat-and-potatoes available in Sacramento.
Maria and the kids never lived there anyway, but getting off the rubber-chicken political circuit can't hurt.
Forgot about the catfish…
And Frank Fat's, which was going strong as a Capitol lunch venue during Jerry's first term as governor.
Not to mention, very unattractive. That probably pissed her off, too.
NYAAAAAAAAA!!!!
And a little Austrian Death Machine: Who Is Your Daddy?
~
She won't be back.
(You get it)
Skeletor vs. Terminator. Sounds like a summer blockbuster to me.
YES – I was beginning to think I was the only one that thought "skeletor" every time I saw her.
A cartoon in CA when he was running, depicts Maria hang-gliding to a campaign appearance. She is shown using her cheekbones as sails, (and cutting off some heads).
Does this mean the Governator's cartoon is back on? Because that show looks like the real victim here.
Ha ha he got the best years of her life and shat all over them as if she were a protein shake with supplements. And she allowed it to happen because it caused people to pay more attention to her than they otherwise would have. Fuck them both with a spoon, say I.
Yep. Agreed. She was telling all the haters and accusers to fuck off during his gubernatorial campaign, leading to his successful election and subsequent veto of the legislature's 2005 neat-n-tidy same-sex marriage bill. Fuck 'em both I say.
"supplements", heh heh
Isn't she one of the few spurned political wives who actually divorced their cheating douche bags (other than Jenny Sanford and Jim McGreevey's wife because he was the gay)?
Good for her–I hate the 'standing by their man' Tammy Wynettes of the political world. If my husband was caught cheating, divorce would be the least hurtful thing I would do to him.
I told MrLimeyLizzie that if he ever cheated on me the only sound he would hear would be the snapping shut of my suitcase and the clicking of my heels as I walked down the hall and out of the door.
Amen, sista. But I'd probably wreak just a tiny bit of havoc on my way out!
Oh, no kidding, he is an only child so he HATES anyone touching his stuff, so I would have to break some shit before I left!
Didn't Wendy Vitter say something similar?
I think she just put on that ghastly leopard print dress, wept and never played 'diaper dan' with him again.
Don't forget Arianna, who also divorced her hubband due to teh ghey. At least I think that was the reason, I can never understand a word out of that woman's mouth.
Ah-nold and Ah-rianna – now there's a (unintelligible) match made in Aryan Hell.
It's all Greek to me.
I'm more for two enter, one leaves kind of resolution myself.
My husband and I both come from "broken" families and we made a death pact before getting married, i.e., I'll be a widow before I'm a divorcee (and vice versa). I was engaged to a guy before him but he spooked when he realized I was serious about this. On the other hand, I knew my husband was the one because he agreed w/o hesitation.
21 years since and both of us are still alive.
Upfists for you both!!
Mazel Tov!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFuw8u5xngo
Maria: Don't come back!
So we're to be worrying that poor Maria is headed for full-body tats & a methlab singlewide?
Kris Jenner to dump Bruce in 3… 2…
This is good news for Gray Davis.
Schwarzenfreude.
How could it have come to this comical and sordid end? It's not like the recall that brought him to power was a spectacularly corrupt circus. No, wait.
It wasn't just a recall… it was a TOTAL RECALL.
"The former television journalist and Kennedy family heiress cited irreconcilable differences but offered no additional details about the breakup."
No, really – we don't need more details. Please.
…the fact that millions of hillbillies can pronounce at least one hard-to-sound-out furriner surname without too much trouble
To be honest, I've never really considered 'Arnold' to be a terribly foreign-sounding name, but I suppose for some, any name without a '-Bob' appended to it likely poses pronunciation challenges.
Billy-Ahnold-Bob does roll tripplingly off the tongue to be sure.
Sho' 'nuf-zungheit!
Now Maria can join forces with Connie Raigosa (former wife of LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who also lost the wife due to zipper issues) and have a talk show. Maybe a less insipid version of The View or something.
Less? With Maria? Not sure about that.
"a less insipid version of The View"
You may as well say "a less wet version of the Pacific Ocean".
I had heard that Ahnold had heart problems, but didn't realize that the problem was he had no heart at all. Seriously, how can a guy fuck over his wife like he did and ever have respect for himself or from anyone else again?
He's a Republiklan.
Maria Shriver Officially Tells Arnold Schwarzenegger To Go Suck It
Geez, Maria. Don't encourage him.
Oh God. Maria's not going back doing journalism, is she? Because journalism's got enough problems as it is….
Btw, I have a friend who works for the National Enquirer who insists that Maria Shriver and Oprah were scissor sisters back in the day when they worked together in Baltimore. #truefact
That image does not go in the slideshow.
Now he's got more time for Plo Chops.
Arnold, marry Bristol Palin!
9 months later, the tardinator was born.
GET TO DA LAWYAH!
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