republican family values

Ohio GOP Lawmaker Celebrates Being Pro-Life By Driving Drunk

heyyyyy you, want to make an angry fetus with me?Republican “moral math” alert! Ohio state representative Robert Mecklenborg was arrested for driving around drunk on an Indiana state highway, which is sort of an “anti-life” thing to do, you might say. But just a few days ago, he also voted for the Fetal Heartbeat Bill, one of those fake “pro-life” thingies that Republicans love. Do they cancel each other out? Mecklenborg thought so, as he failed to tell anyone at the Ohio Statehouse about his arrest.  Mecklenborg was also – hey hey! – full of Viagra and accompanied by a lady, presumably on a little super-sanctified sexytime trip to make their own angry fetus. That’s worth a few very literal “pro-life” points! So whatever, Mecklenborg is still against death on balance, why should anyone care? 

The AP reports:

According to arrest and court records, Mecklenborg was driving with a female passenger on U.S. route 50 in Dearborn County, Ind., at 2:47 a.m. April 23 when he was pulled over by an Indiana state trooper for a burned-out headlight.

Mecklenborg, who was driving a 2004 Lexus with temporary Kentucky plates, failed several sobriety tests and his blood alcohol content was registered at 0.097 percent, according to the documents. A toxicology screening also picked up Viagra and another pharmaceutical drug in his system.

Yeah, sure, whatever. No Internet was used in the committing of any of these stupid crimes, so all is forgiven. [AP]

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  1. arihaya

    for GOPs, your right to life is terminated the moment you leave your mother's vagina*

    * unless you are a rich bastard

    1. V572 [SSAN]

      Thank goodness that alert state trooper was checking everyone's illumination on the highway, especially those with out-of-state plates. This guy sounds like a douche bag but it's hard to see the pertinence of the boner pills to a DUI.

    2. SarcasticNymph

      Odds are good if his ladyfriend gets pregnant, he will pay for the abortion. Also, if he is in a MVA with a pregnant lady and she loses the fetus, SHE will be held for "feticide" and imprisoned. This is the new anti-abortion tactic – imprison women for murder if they miscarry, no matter the cause. These nasty GOP white males are just nasty old douchebags.

  2. hagajim

    C'mon guys, he was just following the "Wander Indiana" motto. Didn't realize that wandering on both sides of the road while shizzfaced was inappropriate. Dick! And now Kasich has signed a bill to allow guns in bars so more non-fetii can kill one another in Ohio. Suck it downfisty troll.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      On nitghts with tallboy specials, opening up a can will take on an whole new meaning with barroom concealed carry.

  3. LabRodent

    Nothing says Pro-Life better than being Pissy Drunk with a raging hard on speeding down the Hwy. WIN

  4. MissusBarry

    Dude could've hit a preggo chick and killed the fetus (mother wouldn't matter, obvs)! Don't you know, Borgie, you have to be thinking about the welfare of potential people at all times. They're an endangered species (or so says the side of the Beverly Hillbilly Anti-abortion truck driven by a squirrelly-haired old white guy with a handicapped placard that lurks near my office).

  5. lochnessmonster

    Should lose his job for being stoopid. Yes, we can write the laws, but follow them? That's for the little people.

  6. DaRooster

    "We're gonna need all the lives we can get… since us Repugnants insist on driving around drunk, stealing trucks and trailers, and wiping out people with our war machine… oh and no healthcare for the poors… don't forget killing ill poor folks."


  7. DaSandman

    Big Bob was gonna ram him some life into a vagina while ripped to the tits on Amazon Boner Pills.


    It was gonna be a new experience because this crowd's regular playmates usually have 4 legs.

  8. baconzgood

    "don't drink alcohol in excess then vote on an anti-abortion bill while taking viagra"

    -The Voice on My Tee Vee-

        1. riverside68

          "I couldn't do this if I was sober."

          You wouldn't believe how often that shows up in the FST results narritive.

    1. TheMeatmaker

      The viagra made it hard to walk a straight line. Well, the viagra made it hard. Being a republican made the straight part difficult.

    2. tessiee

      I watched part of "Cops" where the guy in mullet and wifebeater fled the cops by cutting across the yards of the other trailers. The best part, though was his words:
      "You'll never catch me! Never! NEVER!!"
      *stumbles, falls down*
      "Oh, MAN, I'm hung over."

  9. YasserArraFeck

    Everyone celebrates a 4 hour boner in their own way….give the guy a break – at least he wasn't sending pics of it to all and sundry

    1. LesBontemps

      WLWT has been working to confirm reports that the woman works as a stripper at a club in Lawrenceburg. No one at the club would confirm her employment, but an employee at the club told WLWT they would pass along a message to her.

      No punchline necessary.

      1. Terry

        What are the odds that he'll step down from office? Given that he's a Republican, slim to none and slim just left town.

    2. Doktor Zoom

      Colon shut his eyes… 'I think I could do with a breath of fresh air,' he groaned.

      'Oh, not yet, Sarge. Broccolee's on next. She can touch the back of her head with her foot, you know–'

      'I don't believe that!' said Fred Colon.

      'She can, Sarge, I've seen–'

      'I don't believe there's a dancer called Broccolee!'

      'Well, she did use to be called Candi, Sarge, but then she heard that broccoli is better for you–'

    3. Tundra Grifter

      According to the story, he said ""Being human, I have made a mistake…"

      Not much to add to that start…

      1. V572 [SSAN]

        Indeed. Considering that being a gentlemen kind of begins with forswearing such loutish behavior as going to strip clubs.

        1. tessiee

          I once commented to a friend that I thought the euphemism "gentleman's club" was kinda ironic:
          Me: I mean, what part of gentleman involves staring at naked strangers?
          Friend: That would be the "man" part.

    4. Jukesgrrl

      They were off to do a historic reenactment of the Wilbur Mills/Fanne Fox scandal. It's like a Civil War reenactment, except with a politician and a hooker instead of a Yank and a Reb. (I know, the only people who remember that are old.)

  10. SayItWithWookies

    Of course he didn't tell anyone — Mr. Mecklenbourg didn't want the media circus to serve as a distraction from the real issues — like Anthony Weiner's crotch shots.

  11. chascates

    And Chris Hanson of To Catch A Predator has been caught (on tape, allegedly) cheating on his wife.

    1. Guppy06

      Not interesting, unless the homewrecker is a burly FBI agent who types like a twelve year old girl.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Her name is Krystyn Caddell, & she's an affiliate reporter in South Florida. I am trying to confirm if she is the daughter of certified maniac Pat Caddell (former Carter pollster, turned FOX News pundit). If so, would explain the obvious daddy issues of being 31 & hooking up with a 50 years old molo-buster.

          1. horsedreamer_1

            I deserved that.

            Pat Caddell jokes were all the rage in the late nineties, when he was a regular on Hardball, but never since then.

  12. elviouslyqueer

    "Being human, I have made a mistake and this has caused great hurt to my family, and I'm deeply sorry for that. I've served tirelessly and well my constituents and I want to apologize to them as well. While the discovery process in this case goes on, I am entitled to the same presumption of innocence as any other citizen."

    Enjoy prison, motherfucker.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      This is one 'borg that's going to be well and truly assimilated by the boys in the Big House

    2. Guppy06

      A presumption of innocence doesn't protect one from unnecessary medical procedures in Ohio.

    3. riverside68

      The presumption of innocence is a legal term used in court when considering criminal charges.

      Got no relevance in public opinion, case closed:

      A. douche bag
      B. shit sack
      C. Santorium
      D. All of the above.

  13. DaRooster

    Ohio Idiot… Kentucky plates… Illinois Highway…

    …lost yet Jerk-Face? Of course you are… you're Republican.

  14. JoshuaNorton

    Ummm. They're not so much pro "life" as they are pro "die for having sex, bitch".

    Biiiig difference.

    1. MissusBarry

      Bitch doesn't have to die, although it's perfectly fine and steps to avoid it are unacceptable; what's important is that bitch's life (and the life of the actually born child) is ruined. They should rename pro-life to "ruining-life"…for more apt.

      1. tessiee

        If women can have sex without it ruining their lives, how are they ever going to learn?

        1. MissusBarry

          And thus I carry on with my heathen fornicating ways. To the fetus that tried to kill me and the rethugs: suck it.

  15. Doktor Zoom

    Gaahhh! That one level where you're trying to crush the abortion doctors under the glass wall is driving me crazy!

  16. EatsBabyDingos

    Indiana: "No Longer Ohio's Armpit" "Is That a Thimble in Your Pants?" "Can the Cows Watch?" "OOO, I Saw Cloris Leachman and Now My Woody is Won'ty" "No Matter What You Can't Get There From Here."

  17. JoshuaNorton

    "While the discovery process in this case goes on, I am entitled to the same presumption of innocence as any other citizen."

    And if I ever get on your jury, I'll keep that in mind. Meanwhile, as a private citizen, we can spread the word that you're a drunk driving, drug riddled asshat with absolutely no compunctions about it.

  18. Doktor Zoom

    Oh golly, the AP totally missed the money quote from another story about the incident:

    The trooper who pulled over Mecklenborg also noted in his report that Mecklenborg "endangered a person."

    Now, is that an actual person, or an unborn person? Because only one of those matters.

    1. user-of-owls

      You can point your ute? That is genuinely more impressive than the chicken that can do math!

          1. V572 [SSAN]

            Poultry have a hard time remembering their identifites, as in sin²Θ + cos²Θ = 1

    2. MrFizzy

      Put that thing back in its container for god's sake – it's going to dry out in this heat.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Wasilla may not have cockroaches, but I'm sure there are enough meth dealers to make up for it.

  19. edgydrifter

    In case there was any doubt… his passenger was apparently an exotic dancer from the Concepts Show Girls Club (classy!) who is not his wife or the mother of his as-yet acknowledged children.

  20. randcoolcatdaddy

    "Sir! You are drunk."

    "Oh yeah? Well, you're pregnant!"

    "I beg your pardon."

    "Yeah … tomorrow I'll be sober. And you'll still be pregnant."

  21. comrad_darkness

    Maybe it was a convincing trannie…

    (not that there is anything wrong with that.)

    1. Barrelhse

      To be fair, he hadn't had a drink for more than a week, which explains the wimpy BAC.

  22. Texan_Bulldog

    Lighten up, people. Dude was just celebrating voting on OH's 'I hate women' bill and warming up for this country's Independence Day celebration. Who doesn't celebrate happy occasions and long weekends with vodka, Viagra and a stripper? So judgmental…

  23. comrad_darkness

    Obama clearly needs to take 150 vacation days a year like Georgie boy. Working too hard, the bastard.

    1. riverside68

      And the reason you think he wasn't is?

      (I don't think the cops checked the passinger's equipment.)

  24. WhatTheHeck

    Is it any wonder that a drunk driver produces sperm which can't keep between the lines and end up breaking a few eggs along the way.
    Very pro life and death.

  25. Goonemeritus

    “According to arrest and court records, Mecklenborg was driving with a female passenger”

    Republican involved in a drunken sexy time with a woman? This has got to be a setup.

  26. user-of-owls

    Mecklenborg was also – hey hey! – full of Viagra and accompanied by a lady, presumably on a little super-sanctified sexytime trip

    So what you're telling us is that he is most assuredly not pro-wife.

  27. ttommyunger

    "Burned-out headlight". Not likely on a 2004 Lexus. Hope the cop remembered to break it before the wrecker got there. Damned dashcams have spoiled the old favorite: "crossed over the center line" ruse. Anyway, good police work. This turd will get off with a slap on the wrist; prolly get reelected in the bargain but at least it will be more difficult for him to pass himself off as anything but a lying asshole from now on. Win!

  28. ifthethunderdontgetya

    This is just the kind of Government Interference in private life that the people hate.

    Now when the government regulates lady parts, on the other hand, Wingnut Jebus pops a boner.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      At least the Idaho asshole managed to get himself well and truly rat-arsed, almost twice the legal limit, and committed a major act of theft in the mix. This Ohio pantywaist was very nearly sober by comparison, and driving his own vehicle, though not, apparently, with his own wife's head in his lap.

      Why, yes, I am from Idaho. There is a certain amount of regional pride at stake here.

  29. ttommyunger

    He may look to Jesus to forgive and forget, but his old lady prolly ain't cut from that cloth. Hee, hee.

  30. fuflans

    we are on a mission, from God. it's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, t's dark and we're wearing sunglasses we're drunk.

  31. donner_froh

    Mecklenborg's statement–a second take:

    "Being human, I have made a mistake I got caught and this has caused great hurt to my family, embarrassed the hell out of me and I'm deeply sorry for that," it said. "I've served tirelessly and well my constituents managed to slide by doing nothing for the idiots who elected me and I want to apologize to them as well. hope they forget about this before the next election. While the discovery process in this case goes on, I am entitled to the same presumption of innocence as any other citizen. even though I am guilty as hell"

  32. DashboardBuddha

    If lost elections last more than 4 terms stop taking Viagra immediately and call your doctor.

  33. prommie

    Dude is totally doing it wrong. Ted Kennedy's B.A.C. was higher than that the next morning, and I say that with love and respect. Thats how you parrrr-tay. Back in the day, .09 was legal, its not even worth driving with a .09.

  34. Eve8Apples

    It isn't safe for a fella to expose his precious sperm babies to Viagra and booze. It could prevent his sperm babies from producing a fetus heartbeat baby. Ohio must pass a law to stop men from poisoning their innocent sperm babies with pills and liquor.

  35. DahBoner

    Ohio GOP state representative drunk driving in Indiana on temporary Kentucky plates.


  36. comrad_darkness

    "Being human, I have made a mistake "

    Being a worthless douchebag, I did a worthless douchebaggy thing, which was not a mistake, it was just me being me. –Fixed

  37. Barrelhse

    In his confusion someone slipped him a Viagra, possibly the artist, being skilled at the art of Conception.

  38. Buckminster

    I love when these scheiss-for-brains teatards crash and burn. Hope he likes his cellmate Bubba.

  39. Buckminster

    Who the heck thought this was a good idea? In Montana, the lege is known for causing the alcohol consumption rate to skyrocket when it's in session. Even the Governor berated the lege for the drunken tomfoolery.

  40. Redhead

    He was planning to hit (and kill) a young pregnant woman on her way to the abortion clinic. See – dead women can't get abortions! So he's still anti-choice!

  41. ThundercatHo

    Damn, there goes my fantasy of them all getting drunk and shooting each other (at least the R;s.)

  42. elburritodeluxe

    He's married with three kids but it doesn't sound like the lady in the car was Mrs. Rep. Drunklingfetus. Maybe he was driving this nice lady to church!

  43. owhatever

    He HAD to drive because Obama stole his private jet and he could no longer pick up a hooker and fly like a normal person. The Kenyan hates America.

  44. JustPixelz

    Wine coolers, Viagra, a female passenger and a Lexus. Somebody needs a hug. OH WAIT. I meant kick in the balls.

    I know it's totally undemocratic, but I think only lady legislators should be allowed to vote on laws about lady parts. And — to be fair — boy legislators only vote on laws about boy parts.

  45. JustPixelz

    59 year old Mecklenborg "…was accompanied by 26-year-old Tiona Roberts, who is not his wife."

    At least it's not something he should be ashamed of.

  46. Jukesgrrl

    Not unlike the Devil's Triangle that was the birthplace of your Jukesgrrl: Ohio/Pennsylvania/West Virginia. Very scary.

  47. Negropolis

    Elmo/Muppet Libel!

    Do not besmirtched the sterling reputation of America's favorite muppet. He may only be three-and-a-half years old, but he has more sense and wisdom than humans many times his age.

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