“I love philosophy,” says Glenn Beck in his goodbye show. “To paraphrase Martin Luther King, this is the dumbest show on the air!” Goodbye, Glenn. We’ll, uh, be waiting for the next nut to show up on Fox News.

And here’s his tearful farewell to America, for giving him millions and millions of dollars to call the coloreds a bunch of commie Hitler pinko gays:

Farewell, nut. Next time you come to Bryant Park we’re going to tar and feather you, for a history lesson!

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  • Barb

    Now he can spend more time with the voices in his head.

  • MrFizzy

    So Wonkers, let's weigh in on Glenn's next gig….pastor, chef, seer, soap-maker, fucker of dogs, all of the above? Is there such a thing as a fascist porn star?

    • the_problem_child

      I vote grifter on google+

    • memzilla
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Pastor of his own cult, members of which will tithe the church with gold coins while awaiting the apocalibse signaled by the second term of Obama the Antichrist.
      Unlike all doomsday preachers before him, Beck will correctly predict the exact date of the end of the world as teabaggers know imagine it, and the whole terrified lot of them will guzzle poisoned tea and perish.

      • Where do I send money to make this happen?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          An agent of Beck, masquerading as a Nigerian prince, will contact you by email.

      • neiltheblaze


    • nounverb911

      Exploding Sta-Puffed-Marshmallow Man.

    • V572 [SSAN]

      The next Wonkette Jr?

    • tihond

      Hemroid Cultivator.

    • SorosBot

      Magic underwear salesman.

    • Numbat_Dundee

      Lachrymose Professor of Banality at the University of Suspicion would be a good fit. Comely fascists btw make good porn stars. They have a commanding presence and a love of leather – but Beck is not of that ilk. He is, we are told (by him), a lover of philosophy, but, if a Beck cries in a forest, does anyone give a rat's arse?

    • Weenus299

      He's going to sell super-absorbent cloths that actually cleanse history. And ethnicity.

    • Rent Boy Trainer?

  • memzilla

    His all-union Noo Yawk TV production crew made him disappear with the magical chant: "Yahtsee… Eyeboo… Seewa… Nabet!"*


    • Warpde

      And with a kick in the nuts.

    • DaSandman


  • finallyhappy

    Damn, I thought the headline meant he was dying..

    • fuflans

      now we're going to be in trouble again. and i for one welcome a warblog as:

      1. we've had NONE since like shorts left and/or neihlist came back or something
      2. i'm really REALLY sick of the crazy

  • the_problem_child

    This is the end of a very shitty show.

    Actually, this is not the end. Any more than it was for Olbermann.

    • Fuck Toad

      He still has his radio show, which is even more hateful than the TV show and less entertaining. And now he has some kind of "TV network" slash griftopia he can use to line his pockets (10% going to LDS tax, of course).

  • user-of-owls

    "I love philosophy"

    Philosophy needs to get a restraining order. Now.

    • PsycWench

      It's not a mutual love, for sure.

      • To paraphrase Goethe, Beck is "a hollow gut, full of fear and hope that God will have mercy!" In short the perfectly modern Philistine.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Glenn Beck raped and murdered philosophy in 1990

      …through 2011

  • Radiotherapy®

    Now he can ride his Gulfstream into the sunset.

    • AnarchyWolf

      Til the plane runs out of fuel.

    • If by "sunset" you mean "side of a mountain" then sweet.

    • glamourdammerung

      Or a federal building.

      • flamingpdog

        I'm sure Federal employees posting or lurking here, as well as residents of Oklahoma City will find this comment hilarious.

        • glamourdammerung

          Then maybe the feds should stop handling right wing terrorists with kid gloves.

          • flamingpdog

            Look, I don't want to get into a pissing match with you – I've never had any problems with your posts before (or since – I commented on two subsequent comments of yours on this thread). I wish the Feds would stop handling right wing terrorists with kid gloves too. I wouldn't have minded if you'd said an empty federal building – I just see no need to threaten the proles because management blows. Let's move on.

          • glamourdammerung

            I am not threatening anyone. I was merely pointing out that there was a history of crazy folks doing violent acts after being whipped up by Beck.

            So no pissing match here. I think you either misunderstood or I was not clear, etc.

    • DaRooster

      Pay your taxes first Beck.

  • Rotundo_

    Off to his new web based show and radio and books and all that nonsense. Having cast off the weighty shackles that FOX put on him, he will be free to be the Glenn he wants to be: The dominant personality of the group inside his head arguing over who the boss is. Roopert and Ales are no doubt breathing easier. He was always on in the Chinese restaurant I went to, and I even saw him hysterically sobbing while I had my hot and sour and eggrolls. It didn't add to the experience.

    • zhubajie

      He eats Chinese? How can he not think that un-american?

  • JackObin

    I love me some philosophy too, Glenn. And I now fear Nietzsche's theme of eternal recurrence, for that means I will have to view that video again, over and over.

  • Terry

    Gawd, what a megalomaniac.

    • CapeClod

      I'm surprised he didn't stage his own assassination at the end of the hour.

  • savethispatient

    Way to tar all your employees with your crazy brush, Beck. How will they get another job now?

    • memzilla

      This is Noo Yawk… they're UNION!

  • user-of-owls

    So this is what it looks like when the Invisible Hand clips a toenail.

    • sati_demise

      oh, that is so true!

    • flamingpdog

      So Roger Ailes is The Captain and Beck is Toenail?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Refuse to watch anything Glenda has to say but maybe we should start a pool on who will replace him. My vote: Politico will just cold get their own show on Fox so they can win the day & the night.

    • V572 [SSAN]

      Aren't those Politicoons* on the teevee all the time already? "Hey, kids, let's put on a show!"
      *Pronounced "poh-lit-eh-KOH-ans" and therefore not racist, and anyway they're all white boys, aren't they?

      • memzilla


        Use an umlaut to remove teh racizmz, and leave a lemony tingle behind in the air, also!

    • user-of-owls

      Those dozy cunts couldn't win a minute and a half on QVC.

    • sati_demise

      Lou Dobbs is coming back, like a vampire

  • Goonemeritus

    To paraphrase Norma Desmond …
    He’s still big. It's the fox universe that got small.

    • SorosBot

      I thought it was the ratings that got small.

      • Goonemeritus

        I just like to imagine wandering around his compound screaming Max Max

  • cheetojeebus

    I wear a badge on my chest that says ' I did not click that clickity thing that turns on that TV show doohickey'

    • user-of-owls

      I wear a badge on my chest

      So, are you a Jew, a lobbyist or a Jew lobbyist?

      • cheetojeebus

        door number four ?

  • the_problem_child

    I wonder how all his enablers feel about being outed on the chalkboard. That's gotta be a career killer.

  • Grief_Lessons

    How many of Glenn's fans can name a philosopher who is neither Ayn Rand nor Jesus?

    • Warpde

      Ohhhhhh! Good question.
      Let me drink, sorry, think on that.

      Glug. glug, glug……

      Ahhh. Zero, natta, niltch, nothing, fuck all, jack shit?

      Am I close or do I need to drink, sorry, think some more?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Oooh… I love thinking games! Get it wrong, and you have to think again!
        Beck never got the hang of it.

    • SorosBot

      Well they probably know the name of Karl Marx, but only as an expletive.

    • LetUsBray

      Depends whether you count St. Ronnie, Rush Blimpbutt, and Chuck Norris as philosophers.

    • Doktor Zoom

      None of them, Katie

    • Kidneys4Sale

      Warren Jeffs, also.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Cleon Skousen.

    • Judge Judy and Dr. Phil?

  • edywin2

    Next stop: Pretend President or Geraldo wannabe opening Al Capone's socialist treasure storehouse.

  • 30 bucks says he arranges a fake kidnapping of himself in a couple of months.

    • sati_demise

      No takers.

      • emmelemm

        Ransom of Red Chief.

    • flamingpdog

      He'll fake a disappearance off of a beach in Aruba. Guaranteed wall to wall coverage. Except for the him being old, fat, ugly, and a guy. But WHITE!

  • CapnFatback

    We’ll, uh, be waiting for the next nut to show up on Fox News.

    We shan't be waiting long. Crazy abhors a vacuum.

    • AnarchyWolf

      The wokka wokka made that so much more lol worthy.

  • neiltheblaze

    Now we'll only hear about the shit he spouts on the radio, which at least has the advantage of no visuals. I hate watching a pudgy-faced weasel cry.

  • Warpde

    Bye Mr. Beck.
    You have been such an inspiratio­n to Conspiracy Theorists and Comics (ala Jon Stewart)
    We will miss your misguided ways and tears.
    Who will we look to. To see how if the Med's don't work, we need to change them.
    Who will we look to. To to understand we are not the only idiot on the block. We're just drunk.
    Who will we look to. To keep the workers in the chalk board factories employed?
    Who will we look to. To to see the unconscion­able ramblings of an inconceiva­ble psycho?
    Who will we make fun of now? How will we get by without our daily fix of fucking stupid?
    Who I ask, WHO?
    Who can fill your shoes with the We-tardedness?
    I feel so lost in cognoscente thought.
    I need a fix of stupid.
    Wait…I have an epiphany.

    Ladies and Gents…..­.
    I think there may be an answer.

    I give you Michele Bachmann.

    Oh yeah and the rest of the Republican field.

    • flamingpdog

      Is there music that goes with this? It seems real musical to me. But who could we get to record it?

  • Dudleydidwrong

    I gotta hand it to him–he's consistent. The fucking last show was as assholishly stupid as the first ones I saw when he was on CNN. Bye, Glenn. Don't let the door knob hit you on the way out–unless that's your big thrill for the day.

  • Mount Vernon changed the lock to their city so Glenn's key doesn't work anymore.

    • emmelemm

      I wish.

  • mavenmaven

    He's going underground to chase after George Soros.

    • AnarchyWolf

      And eventually there'll be a dramatic showdown/gun fight on the roof of an opera house, or a bank or something.

  • glamourdammerung

    There will always be a Glenn Beck as long as there are conservatives willing to blindly accept any nonsense that justifies their hate and general stupidity.

  • Glenn Beck is just a symptom.

    Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch are the disease.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ailes and Murdoch are vectors.

  • fuflans

    next up: new wingtard putting the crazy on an etch-a-sketch.

  • user-of-owls

    So this is the way the world ends,
    not with a bang,
    not with a whimper,
    but with a pathetic blogwhore.

  • chascates

    At least the loons still have Alex Jones.

  • arihaya

    ah good, it is already the time to flush him down the toilet

  • fuflans

    i for one am spilling a glass of white wine in his honor.

    no wait! i'm not doing that. i'm DRINKING a glass of wine and not in his honor.

    true story.

  • user-of-owls

    Look for a backwards "B" on his forehead as part of the GBTV rollout!

  • V572 [SSAN]

    OT, but WAPO says DSK is maybe "innocent," in the same way that Oliver North was "innocent."

    Also, those stories about levitating Chinese officials….sorry:

    • flamingpdog

      Crooks, thugs, and whores get raped, too. Sounds like it's become a case of he said-she said, only now the she turns out to have a background that makes it easy for the defense attorneys to attack the credibility of the she, so the DA is getting cold feet. If Strauss-Kahn is willing to plead guilty to a misdemeanor, I suspect they still have enough on him to twist his dick a bit.
      Hey, I'm no lawyer, but I watched Law & Order for 15 years. I'm pretty sure I saw this episode more than once.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "the issue was not necessarily about the rape accusation itself but about questions surrounding the alleged victim’s background that could damage her credibility on the witness stand."

      Well, it was a given that the fuckers would dig up dirt on the victim. The price of her silence must be more than DSK is willing to part with.

    • SorosBot

      Did you think he was going to get convicted? The only rapist with money to ever get convicted was Mike Tyson, and that's because he was an idiot who insisted on taking the stand in self-defense; hell, most rapists without money go free too, thanks to a combination of the difficulty of proof, and because this is America where most people think rape isn't really a crime and sympathize with the perpetrators instead of the victims.

      The only surprise is that they're using a different means of discrediting the victim than the usual "she's a slut!" method. But he's a rich, powerful man; of course he'll never go to jail, just like his fellow rapists William Kennedy Smith, Kobe Bryant, and Ben Roethlissberger or however it's spelled.

      • V572 [SSAN]

        Well, I had hopes.BTW, it’s “Ruthlessfucker.”

  • BarackMyWorld

    Don't you dare get my hopes up!

  • BerkeleyBear

    While I actually suggested it yesterday, I'm afraid that tar and feathering Glenn is like mud wrestling with a pig* – you wind up dirty, but the pig likes it.

    *SP or MB, whichever. Or both.

  • glamourdammerung

    So, who is going to wind up the crazies to shoot at folks now that Beck is finished? And is their first target going to be this mysterious conspiracy called "The Free Market" that got Beck's cryfest canceled?

    • flamingpdog

      Whadda you know, the Free Market won out over the Freak Market!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Good riddance. Beck's act was getting so old and redundant that not even Keith O or even Stewart could get much from that we haven't seen dozens of time.

    I, personally, cannot wait for some new fuckwit to make fun of. I'll bet they're out scouring talent agents for a black guy who can play a nutcase Teatard Republic.

    I't's like Xmas in the looney bin!

    • LowProfileinGA

      Allen West comes to mind.

  • pinkocommi

    In the end, Glenn Beck has left with what he came in with…. at least 20 extra pounds, only 20 IQ points, and no dignity.

  • Fucking magnets, how do they work?

    …and what was it with the Romney Fudge/"Firefly" Blue Sun Guys gloves?

  • glamourdammerung

    Thaddeus McCotter is in!!!!1111!!!

    Finally, a GOP presidential contender that makes Mittens AND Ron Paul look charismatic.

    • Negropolis

      I was SO happy when I read this, late last night. I'd like to introduce to America the oddest politician you've seen in years. How a guy can serve in elected offices, but hate his consituents and people, in general, as much as he does, it quite the talent.

      Look out, America! A man with a 19th cenutry name with views from the distant dystopian future.

  • mourningnmerica


  • El Pinche

    Comeon Beck. You should went with a bang…like Bud Dwyer.

  • SarahsBush

    Who the fuck is Glenn Beck?

    Seriously, though, how do you go from the 9/12 guy who influenced the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear to the, "Oh, you still exist?" guy in only a year?

    • SilverTsunami

      "Just be yourself."

  • Union_Thug

    Oh, he'll be back. He's always gonna come back. After a few months, years maybe, Beck'll be back. When you least expect it he'll erupt like an itchy, suppurating rash on the prepuce of the nation.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Familiarity breeds contempt?

  • axmxz

    Wonder if Republican sanity might not begin returning now, without at least this aspect of continuous autobrainwashing?

    • Geminisunmars

      I want some of what you're smoking.

    • flamingpdog

      [Shamelessly stealing from BarackMyWorld] Don't you dare get my hopes up!

  • Geminisunmars

    Demise we can believe in.

  • flamingpdog
  • flamingpdog

    And Newt and Herman.

  • zappadoo76

    I've never been able to watch him for longer than about 2 minutes. Not because of his rotten politics. It was his personal repulsiveness.

  • chascates

    "You will pray for the time when I was only on the air for one hour every day."
    — Glenn Beck, on the future

    • Negropolis

      Wait, he really said that?

      He's right, though. You can't kill or create crazy; you can only hope to convert it. Nobody puts Fat Baby in a corner.

  • Negropolis

    Good night, sweet, crazy prince; And flights of wayward angel-demons sing thee to thy rest.

    And, just like that, he was gone in a blink of an eye, faster than Sarah Palin could say Chugach.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    You've got the makings of a cable TV channel there, which is a blood-curdling thought. A Teatard Network would make Fox look downright fair and balanced.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    300 is 300 too many. We've got a ways to go yet.


  • Extemporanus

    With all due respect to the dearly beloved and devoted Wonketeers drunk, drugged, and/or dumb enough to have left their whip smart mark on this pasty-assed, after hours post, I don't think that anything anyone might snarkily say could surpass the sublimely simple fact that the chalk dust-encrusted-cock-scrawled cravenly cross-promotional final few words of functionally illiterate listicle-licker and at-long-last former FOX blackboard eraser-banger, rapist, and murderer Glenn Beck's idiotic epileptic-esque epitaph were literally "Murcury Radio Arts".


    *[Fuck every single fucking one of you for failing to point out that glaringly apropos typo and forcing me to shit all over my own soul crushing, self-imposed fucking exile, you goddamn fucking retards.



    • genxr

      Now that's not just drunk. That's wonkette-drunk. Kudos!

      • Extemporanus

        Does it still count as falling off the commentaholic wagon if one has absolutely no recollection of having left said comment?

    • SorosBot

      So wait, are you not Wonkette Jr. like many of us had guessed?

      • Extemporanus

        I can assure you that I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the columnist party.

        I did happen to catch some of that, uh, flattering(?) speculation—as well as Lascauxcaveman's erroneous (and deeply *sniff* hurtful) accusation that I was "off in the corner sulking" after having my attempt to join Borgette, Jr. shit-canned by Ken Layne—though I figured that my last few comments made it clear that I'd simply chosen to make like an Eagle and check out any time I liked (but nevvver leeeave…*cue bitchin' guitar solo*).

        That said, in retrospect, the (purely coincidental!) timing and content of my embarrassingly self-indulgent wee hours Rapture Eve jeremiad*—coming as it did on the heels of Jack's portentous parting post, and on the cusp of Ken's scattershot explanation of our Wonkette's American Idol-cum-Battle Royale endlessly ongoing auditionation process—makes such conflation completely understandable, and moreover, makes me feel kinda like a Mark Halperin for not piping up and tamping it down sooner.

        You know what else makes me feel like a total fuckin' Mark Halperin? This here pretentiously empty stupid word soufflé of an overwrought reply to your simple and straightforward comment, that's what.

        Man, I shoulda fuckin' just kept walkin'…

        *(A brave Wonketeer in the last week or so suggested creating a sort of "Devil's Dictionary" of cherished Wonkette memes. I second that emotion, and refer said hero to my like-minded "final" comment to help get the bawl rolling.)

        • It's great to get closure on something, even if it's only once in a while. Riley recently explained his abrupt and profane departure – that was cool too.

          Perhaps you have noticed the wingers making comments today. They are making this blog unfunny and need to be hammmered. Oh well, at least you're okay.

    • Negropolis

      The fuck?!

  • comrad_darkness

    Aren't the righties all hot and bothered for people being productive and get all whiny about those who suck up vast sums of monies while failing to contribute to the economic system? Ranting on a teevee show is about as unproductive as it gets.

  • DashboardBuddha

    "Glenn Beck Says Farewell In Usual Crazy Way"

    Yeah? How else would he say farewell if it wasn't crazy? He says hello in a crazy way, he waves in a crazy way, he blows his nose in a crazy way, he takes a shit in a crazy way. He even has sex in a crazy way, but his wife thinks he's just fucking nuts.

  • Poindexter718

    Beck repeatedly referred to himself not as a show, but as a "movement," which shows that not everything he says is inaccurate.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Bowel movement?

  • tcaalaw

    I'm assuming that Beck will now devote himself to finding the real rapist/killer of that young girl whom Beck has been accused of raping and murdering in the early 1990s.

  • arihaya

    however, he did go Barnum..

  • DaRooster


  • Tundra Grifter

    First they came for the right wing gas bag bigots.


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And I said "help yourselves!"
      So they came back for more of them.

  • glamourdammerung

    He went Galt from reality. Does that count?

  • MiniMencken

    I am glad he posted a list of his crew. After La Liberation, they can be interviewed for my documentary, "The Sorrow and The Pity, Part II."

  • Beowoof

    His TV show wound up losing money for Fox, his radio show ratings are declining and he plans GBTV on the web. Ladies and Gentlemen, the next meme will be that Wonkette and Daily Kos et al were mean to him which is why his web bullshit didn't work

  • sportshort

    Who's Glen Beck? And LOVE the girl with the dick/zuchini to my right over there. Oh baby let's play hide my private part in your private part.

  • lulzmonger

    Amusing Trivia

    Poppy Bush's policy initiative involving "the Mussolini thing" was retconned into "the vision thing" by his cunning handlers.

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