she said it first

Michele Bachmann Reminds Everyone She Won’t Mud Wrestle Sarah Palin

stop thinking about this immediately.Okay fine, Michele Bachmann, we will go ahead and picture you and Sarah Palin together NOT having a big sexytime mud fight, but only because YOU MADE US DO IT. “They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” Bachmann said of herself and Palin, out of absolutely nowhere. We are not sure why Michele Bachmann is being sexist against herself? Maybe that is just how two professional, adult women resolve disputes in the Bachmann house? We do not (want to) know. But she has now publicly put that nauseating and tragically satisfying image into the world for every commentator to exploit free of recrimination, forever, since PRECEDENT.

From Politico:

“They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” the Minnesota congresswoman said. “And I’m not going to give it to ‘em.”

The first question at a morning rally came from a woman who wanted to know if media reports of divisions between the two tea party darlings are true.

She said she has “great respect” for Palin.

America, we give you Michele Bachmann, the first presidential candidate to express “respect” for another female candidate by talking about fighting her in the mud. [Politico]

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208 comments

  1. MrFizzy

    There's only one thing that could make the two of them less appealing – wetness. In either sense.

    1. Negropolis

      I was thinking exactly the same thing. No, Michele. Do not flatter yourself; we do not want to see you and Saint Sarah any dirtier than you already are.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    OT, but—I was informed by a helpful board member today that, when Intense Debate spazzed out for him and showed the funky 90s-style message board format with the gigantic font and weird little monster avatars, he found my board name and my email address down at the bottom of the page in the boxes where that information is required for adding a comment. I could not replicate this, and he informed me shortly thereafter that it was no longer there, but since he emailed me this information it’s obvious that he wasn’t making it up. No harm, no foul, but still, should this be happening? I don’t mind my p-ness going to zero now and then, or some of the other weird idiosyncrasies that Intense Debate sometimes exhibits, but having my email address out there for the world to see is a bit off the reservation. WTF?

    1. Geminisunmars

      Kind of like having a dream where you are giving a speech naked. What? You don't have dreams like that?

    2. MissTaken

      I've noticed a couple of times when I go to comment it has spots underneath the comment box for me to put in my id to be displayed and my email address, which it says will not be displayed. Hmm.

    3. proudgrampa

      This shouldn't be happening. I've always been concerned that this Intense Debate thingy has a number of "idiosyncrasies," as you put it, "bugs," as I call it.

      Having been in the software development industry for years, I know that programming errors as you describe are all too common. Just wish the Intense Debate people would give us some assurance that they are doing everything they can to protect our identities.

    4. assistantatlas

      Um, why were you using an actual email address of yours? People, that's why you create secret identities with their own email addresses–fake throwaway email addresses: they're what Hotmail (and increasingly, Yahoo) are for…

      Don't trust and then you don't have to verify, either.

  3. nounverb911

    "She said she has “great respect” for Palin."
    She knows that Palin would have whooped her ass.

  4. WinterOuthouse

    So mud is out…

    How about throwing shitty diapers at each other?

    Jello?

    Creamed corn?

  5. emmelemm

    Ah, but a mud wrestling match between the two might settle the age-old question: Crazy-person strength vs. r*tard strength?

    (Yes, I hate myself for the last bit. Thank you.)

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I thought it was funny, and I don't hate myself because I don't know which was supposed to to be which.

      1. emmelemm

        They both suffer some form of mental impairment, but I'd put Michele's strictly crazy-o-meter above Sarah's any time.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    “And I’m not going to give it to ‘em.”

    Because right now she knows she's winning.

  7. memzilla

    I believe we now have the subject for our next Taiwanese animated video. Paging Ken! Oh, Ken.. ?

      1. flamingpdog

        I'd like to see which one of them would make me toss my cookies the farthest. Well, maybe not.

  8. YasserArraFeck

    You can bet Mama Grizzly would "bring a rock to a mud fight"

    Crazy Eyes is fucked.

  9. OkieDokieDog

    Will she mud wrestle Bristol? Didn't that bratty daughter of Palin's say something snotty about Bachmann?

    1. Rotundo_

      Eww. Brisdull's badonkadonk is bad enough in a skirt, but in mud with ol' crazy eyes it would be grounds for the FCC to yank licenses if anyone broadcast it. As for the snotty part, who hasn't had something snotty said about them by Brisdull?

  10. Billmatic

    I mean I'd be ok with Bristol and her New Chin going up against Meaghan and her Big Boobs in an octagon full of mud but I'll pass on this one.

  11. YasserArraFeck

    "Michele Bachmann, aged 23, is the youngest ever Representative to serve in the US Congress…etc etc"
    Among her myriad accomplishments, she was, in fact, her own foster child

      1. not that Dewey

        Which is more appropriate — foundering mother or floundering mother? I'll leave it to the Lit majors to sort this one out.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Vince McMahon is lining up a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match for Wrestlemania XXVII

  12. ManchuCandidate

    Why would she? Like the old "saying" goes when you wrestle in mud with a loser you become a loser.

    Mish's got Bachmentum (till the next bullshit thing that comes out of her lying mouth) and Snowbilly Grifter's bus tour is turning into the farce everyone (but her braindead idiot supporters) thought it would be.

  13. ifthethunderdontgetya

    “They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” the Minnesota congresswoman said.

    What she did not add: "Based on emails from my campaign contributors…"
    ~

  14. WinterOuthouse

    Maybe Sarah isn't 'fresh' enough? Perhaps she needs to try Massengil disposable…

    1. Rotundo_

      In the old National Lampoon they had a spoof "Negligent Mother Magazine" and one of the ads was for "Formula 747 Industrial Strength Douche" it came in 55 gallon drums. Something like that might get the dank and stank tamed down.

    1. Giveusabob

      By which you mean the concealed essence of a satyr? Oooh, I believe I need to wash my mind out with soap now … and/or bleach.

  15. WinterOuthouse

    Sarah out. How about Bristle? Will she fight the Bristle?????? Bristle will do it for CA$H

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Bristle will do it for CA$H"

      Or a wine cooler. Twice if you throw in some nylons and a piece of chocolate.

  16. owhatever

    Nooo! Michelle Batshit isn't allowed to quit the non-existent mud wrasslin match before Sarah. Nobody quits before The Snowbilly.

  17. Goonemeritus

    If Sarah ever announced this pledge would be shorter lived then a Promise Keepers pledge on free wine cooler night.

  18. chascates

    Just the image of the two of them conversing together is disturbing enough. And they're both young enough to be public squawkers for decades to come. Can the Magic Space Giant just Rapture these two ahead of time?

  19. bumfug

    Michele and Sarah are way too classy for mud wrestling so they're going with the Roller Derby idea instead.

  20. prommie

    I don't want to see those two come together. But the mud wrestling, that could be fun, though I'd prefer Jello.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Myself, I'd like to see them thrown together into a vat full of starving rats. Well, actually, that would gross me out to watch, but I'd like to hear that it happened after the fact.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Bachmann's worried about Sarah and Brisdull cornering her in a ladies' room?"

      Well, wouldn't anyone be?

  21. SorosBot

    Ugh; just the use of the word "sexytimes" in an article about those two hags is horrifically boner-killing. Ew; brain bleach please.

  22. Texan_Bulldog

    How about a face slapping, hair pulling bitch fight? All clothes need to stay on, though.

  23. ChessieNefercat

    "Michele Bachmann Informs Everyone She Won’t Mud Wrestle Sarah Palin"

    Oh goody, I won't have to scrape out my eyeballs with a shrimp fork, after all.

    1. Steverino247

      Mr. Taggart: Send down a couple of candidates…

      Line boss (pointing at Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin): Uh, you and you.

      Sarah Palin: Mr. Taggart, sir. You distinctly said "two candidates." Well, to tell a family secret, I'm collecting cash from rubes who think I'm running for office.

  24. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, he did not reveal his secret identity to me, so I only know this gentleman's real name, he therefore has the advantage of me. Since I only do this when I'm at work or early evening, no drunk emails are in the offing. But I would be happy to be drunk emailed by you, Barb.

  25. Grief_Lessons

    Does Bachmann have a drunken knocked-up daughter with no other career prospects?

      1. ChessieNefercat

        But isn't it lovely that we don't know?*

        *It must be noted, however, that refraining from shoving your trashtastic kids in our faces does not qualify you in any way, shape, or form to be president.

  26. ChessieNefercat

    "They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” the Minnesota congresswoman said.

    Well then, you silly dolt, what made you think they were talking about you two aging hags*?

    *I am about the same age as Michele, and I would not expect people to refer to me as a "girl."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Aren't they supposed to come together at the end of the fight? This woman can't get ANYTHING right.

  27. user-of-owls

    I'm goin' with Palin on this one. ZanyEyes has pooped out so many axe-murderers-to-be that Palin could just jump all in that cavern and wait 'til Bachmann wallows herself out.

    It's a variation on rope-a-dope: cunt-a-cunt.

  28. notreelyhelping

    I dunno. Has Palin respondent yet? Cause if she says the wrong thing, well, then it's game on. The world breathlessly await her, uh, tweet.

  29. mumbly_joe

    Honestly my main fantasy involves a bit less mud wrastlin' and a little more Bloodsport. No matter who loses, I win!

    …and America. Also too.

  30. Jukesgrrl

    Palin would want to wear that enormously padded bra she wore to the Belmont Stakes last year and the prelim would dissolve into a Don King-style brouhaha.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Yes. Less chance of a wounding that could leave one of them in a vegetative state that my tax dollars would have to go toward keeping them on life support.

    1. Barb

      Hey, I only did it the once! It was the night of the concert and when I saw Yoko Ono walk in I just had to tell someone. I pushed "send" and knew I should have deleted it. I love that you ignored it. LOL

        1. Barb

          You did get it! My best friend and songwriting partner, Bill was with us in Vegas and I went storming to his room and whining about being blown off. We wrote a song about it.

          Starting on the 4th, I have to write a song every day for a month. I will draw on my horror of being ignored by you. You are my mean spirited muse.

          1. Crank_Tango

            might I suggest, "Friday"? Oh, not a song about every day of the month…never mind.

          2. Barb

            There is a theme to the songwriting. It's like comedy improv. They pick a category and we have to crank them. The "Hillary" day was great and we wrote "Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire" in 10 minutes.

          3. tessiee

            I just got a book out of the library called, "I Still Dream About You". If I had any songwriting talent whatsoever, I'd write a song about that.

          4. SorosBot

            Ignored? No, I just had nothing to say back; and am very bad about replying to emails period unless they're work related.

    2. Noman

      Fed's Massive Stimulus Had Little Impact: Greenspan
      The Federal Reserve's massive stimulus program had little impact on the U.S. economy besides weakening the dollar and helping U.S. exports, Federal Reserve Governor Alan Greenspan told CNBC Thursday.

      In a blunt critique of his successor, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, Greenspan said the $2 trillion in quantative easing over the past two years had done little to loosen credit and boost the economy.

      "There is no evidence that huge inflow of money into the system basically worked," Greenspan said in a live interview.

      1. SorosBot

        Because Greenspan is a worthless Objectivist hack who has proven himself to be completely ignorant about the subject he claims to be an expert in and was a complete failure as Fed chairman, why should anyone care what he says?

      2. ShaveTheWhales

        Right. And we all worship Alan Fucking Greenspan, whose "keep the interest rates low so it looks like the economy is working" policy led us to fucking Econopalypse.

  31. Jukesgrrl

    One L is missing a great opportunity. If she was victorious in this one, she could conclude by shouting, "Bring on Kim Jong Il" and she be taking the oath of office January 2013. It's all theater, people.

  32. widestanceroman

    Judging by how fast Bachmann's voice is already deteriorating doing speeches, I think a Bachmann/Palin screech-off would be swell, provided attendants signed a hearing loss waiver first.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      This is a good idea, but how could we protect unsuspecting nearby wildlife? For that matter, those two in a screech duet could probably make plants wilt and keel over.

  33. JoshuaNorton

    How can wingnutia preach American exceptionalism when apparently these 2 are the best they could come up with?

  34. Ohforcripessake

    All "snark" aside, WTF are we doing watching this sideshow when we should be looking for a qualified candidate? I mean really! I feel like I'm in a Douglas Adams novel for cripes sake!!1!

    1. SorosBot

      Speak for yourself; I'm looking for the least qualified, the craziest who will guarantee an Obama reelection and hopefully take the down-ticket candidates down to defeat with her.

  35. Eve8Apples

    “They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight”

    Ole Crazy Eyes has been lurking in the Wonkette shadows. I bet she's a downfistin' troll.

  36. WhatTheHeck

    Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder.
    It's me from Camp Alaska.
    Girls are wrasslin
    Boys are fappin
    Mud is flyin
    and I'm dyin.
    Wouldn't you come
    an take me home.
    Take me home…

  37. DemonicRage

    Between Romney's dark helmet of hair with two little twinkles of white at his sideburns and Bachman's Amy Winehouse triangles of eyeliner at the far corners of the eyes, this Republican pre-Campaign sparring period could do with a little grappling in mud energy infusion. Could one of them be wearing a Wonder Women latex outfit? Maybe the other one could wear a pair of the silk boxers that the Alaskan grifter clan scored when McCain's handlers were paying the bills.

  38. MissTaken

    “They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,”

    As if Michele One L even knows how to come, much less come together.

  39. daakardior

    Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin will star in a new Reality show "2 girls 1 Presidency" You will be able to find it on chatroulette or wherever you get off you fucking perverts.

  40. JackObin

    I'd rather see them have a "Dumb Off", perhaps hosted by Alex Trebeck. All questions will be filtered throiugh Glenn Beck, of course.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "So…them just making out is probably out of the question?"

      Dear God, I hope so.

  41. ttommyunger

    After having this picture imbedded in my brain along with the added prospect of not one but two giant rancid mud-encrusted twinkies….I seriously doubt I will ever be hard again.

  42. Lascauxcaveman

    That's right, he was saving his energy for the footlocker-wrestling scene with P.J. Soles. Cannot say as I blame him.

  43. Kgprophet

    If Palin runs and they both are in a debate together, will they cancel each other out?

    <like those noise canceling headphones>

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "If Palin runs and they both are in a debate together, will they cancel each other out?"

      I think their voices together will shatter every light bulb in the room.

      1. flamingpdog

        And any bulbs that might survive will have to shine even brighter than before to counteract the double dimness at the podiums (?podia).

  44. AlaskaGrrl

    Sarah would totally be up for it but only if she got a guarantee plus a percentage of the gate.

  45. Swampgas_Man

    The only thing I want these two to do w/ mud is bury themselves up to their eyebrows. And stay there.

  46. Dudleydidwrong

    Shit. If that were Palin and Bachmann everyone would root for the lily pads to drown them both.

    1. flamingpdog

      Even better if you two wrestle dressed as Republican GW Bush – the Emperor with no clothes.

  47. FlyOverGirl

    Well, this will screw with Nikki Haley's plans for SC's revamped role in the presidential primary/caucus.

  48. Warpde

    “They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” the Minnesota congresswoman said. “And I’m not going to give it to ‘em. But if she want's to bring out that two headed dildo again. I'm in. Or the Caribou horns, oh yeah, they fill every hole.”

  49. scionkirk

    boooring… Mike Huckabee vs Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman mud wrestling match, NOW we're talking.

  50. tessiee

    Nice homage to Marilyn, but there's no way Silly Sarah looks that good. With all those kids, you *know* she's got stretchmarks that look like a plowed field.

Comments are closed.