dick moves

Unliked Pundit Mark Halperin Is Suspended From TV, World Happy Now

No YOU'RE the dick, ya dick.Mark Halperin is that guy nobody likes who writes/jabbers about politics and Washington. In this way, he is also every pundit jabbering about Washington and politics on the cable news, but he is also especially awful. So the world rejoiced a few minutes ago when MSNBC suspended Halperin for calling Barack Obama a “dick.” This is what Halperin said, on live television: “I thought he was kind of a dick yesterday.” Well sure, everybody thinks Obama is kind of a dick, or totally a dick, but in every case “a dick,” but one cannot say this on the teevee, so good-bye forever, Mark! Video? Yes, we have video.

Joe Scarborough and his co-host, Mika what’s her name, both fall into fits of terrified giggling, with equally imaginative responses like, “Wow, wow, woah, just yeah, woah, that was, wow, oh boy,” because this is what is called “rich white people humor.” Naughty words!

But Halperin did not call Obama a Muslim, Kenyan, racist, socialist or Hitler, so technically we would call this an “elevation” of discourse.

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    1. ArmoredBore


    1. fuflans

      reading this 12 hours late, i literally had exactly the same reaction.

      i don't remember and don't care who he is.

      well. a dick for sure.

  1. An_Outhouse

    First its weiners, now its dicks. What will the media be discussing tomorrow? John McCain's erectile dysfunction?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      That's Bob Dole's domain, boy, and Bob Dole don't take kindly to young whippersnappers musclin' in on Bob Dole's boner money.

      *hock, p'ting*

  2. DaSandman

    He's was actually thinking about the President's unit on TV.

    I'm down with whatever but maybe you should leave your favorites fap fantasy at home when you're at your paying gig.

  3. Tundra Grifter

    On the other hand, had Mr. Halprin called Mr. Obama un-American, or said that he hates America, white people and white KKKulture, he'd have his own show on Fox News by now.

    1. AnarchyWolf

      He should have chosen is words more carefully.

      I mean yeah, Obama is kind of a dick who basically reneged all of his campaign promises, but you gotta phrase it carefully in all sorts of political jargon.

      Its MSNBC, not an informal discussion in your apartment.

  4. genxr

    Dude, the President totally bogarted. I'm a pundit who talks like a frat boy. It's my schtick. Now let's go live to Snooki from inside the budget negotiations.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Skip the drinks and idle conversation. Let's just go live to Snooki for some snooki.

  5. noodlesalad

    First they came for the pundits, and I said "fuck yeah, here's 20 more you can throw in jail."

      1. WriteyWriterton

        Leave us lawyers alone, dang it! (At least us excessively librul, Obama-whipped lawyers. We're good peoplez.)

  6. SorosBot

    On the one hand, I can't stand Mark Halperin.

    On the other, I can't stand the stupid "civility" rules our media abides by, and think pundits should be allowed to say what they really feel on air; certainly if one of the rare liberal pundits called Bush a fucking cockface during his presidency, I would be against suspending him.

    On the other other hand, all the conservatives would call for that pundit to be fired, but probably will support Halperin, because they like double standards.

    But ultimately, as a matter of principle, I don't think he should lose his job for this.

    1. LowProfileinGA

      He won't; he's a serious person. His day job is editor-at-large and senior political analyst for TIME. And an asshole.

    2. mumbly_joe

      Honestly, the only suspension that suspension-happy MSNBC has ever done that even comes close to this on the left was of the also-insufferable Ed Shultz, so I have mixed feelings. We've apparently finally figured out what it takes for a right-winger to get suspended on MSNBC, at least.

      I think my hatred of the abject hypocrisy of shit like the Dixie Chick blacklist over saying they were embarrassed to be from the same state as Shrubya and the willingness to call Barry everything under the sun up to and including Hitler and the Anticrist, openly on the air ultimately wins out. Respect the office, or don't. Don't fucking treat the president as an object of veneration until the day after his complete, constant fuckups lose you the White House, and then start piling on.

  7. Barb

    It's a holiday weekend! Everyone should call their boss a "dick" and take the whole week off. Baconz, you go first, Sweetie.

    1. SorosBot

      Apparently a bunch of Senators are whining because Harry Reid is insisting they stay in session until the debt ceiling is dealt with instead of getting the whole week off for the 4th.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Damn. My immediate boss is actually NOT a dick, he's actually great to work for. Can I borrow somebody's boss to call him/her a dick?

        1. jus_wonderin

          Lizzie, stage or screen?

          I wish I had followed my dream instead of being so darn practical. By now (50) I might have been a good actor.

          Oh, not that you are not practical.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Mainly Broadway, off-Broadway and regional theatre, a little TV, but as MrLimeyLizzie says, “You are too vivid for television , but Fellini would have loved you”

    3. LesPaultard

      Mine would better classify as a c**t, but I'd never call her that, ever. Especially with paid time off starting in a couple hours.

      I can hear beer calling me from my fridge already.

    1. mumbly_joe

      Where "being a dick" means "being nearly a quarter as confrontational as Shrubya was on a good day". No, sorry, not seeing it. If this is Barry being a dick, he should do it waaaay more often, and also I'm not sure what words we're left with when describing Bush's constant prickishness to reporters, his boorishness around other heads of state, the eagerness of his entire administration to call their critics unamerican, or their same abject refusal to ever admit fault for anything, even when they shoot colleagues in the face.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Calling the Republiklans assholes, makes him a dick? Should have done it a lot sooner.

  8. Nopantsmcgee

    I thought Obama was a kinda dick, too. But, I celebrated that and hope he's even more dickish to the Evil Party in the coming months.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Really. I hope he becomes a raging hard-on; a blue-veiner, a diamond-cutter, one that a cat couldn't scratch.

    2. GOPCrusher

      I hope he drags Mitch McConnell out of the Senate chambers, whips out his dick and starts smacking him in the face with it.

  9. Canmon

    It's okay to criticize the President, but to compare him to Dick Cheney is beyond the pale.

  10. freakishlywrong

    Well, Republicans are assholes, so it stands to reason that Barry is a dick. Buttsecks them all, Barry! (He's also a loving husband and father, fuckwits).

  11. ttommyunger

    Poor Mark, always thinking about something to eat. Announcing his new position at Faux News in 3….2…..1……

    1. Rotundo_

      I was thinking WaPo since Broder kicked and none of the "best and brightest" over there are getting any younger. Maybe saying "Dick" will land him a job replacing "Dick". It wouldn't be any worse than the crew they currently have.

  12. Eve8Apples

    Maybe Hopey will invite them over to the White House for a "cock" tail summit.
    Hopey – "You wanna dick? I'll show you a dick"

  13. SayItWithWookies

    I'm with Greg Sargent on this — at what point in the dust storm of McCarthyite teabagging apocalyptic xenophobic brinksmanship of our current political discourse does one punish Halperin for this little pebble of stupidity? At least "I think he was being kind of a dick" is an overt expression of opinion, and not a blatantly unmoored statement expressed as fact, like "Tax cuts for the rich create jobs," or "giving adequate access to healthcare is going to turn America into the Soviet Union." MSNBC nitpicks the mote in Halperin's eye and ignores the beam in its own.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Ahhh..but MSNBC and Time also present this hack as an "impartial journalist". He is neither, and just had a partisan pop-out today on the teevee.

    2. Eve8Apples

      The MSNBC uproar over the remark will generate alot more buzz than Halperin's comment. MSNBC knows it too. It's free advertising for Morning Joe on other media outlets.

    3. KeepFnThatChicken

      The difference is MSNBC and The Daily Show. This is almost as stupid as engaging in a police chase around the Four Corners Monument; 25% of the time, you're in the right jurisdiction.

  14. Terry

    “I thought he was kind of a dick yesterday.”

    You mean when he said that the Republicans have to get realistic if they really want deficit reduction and taxes will have to be raised on the rich?

    That's only dickish if you have a private jet and were looking forward to the tax break.

  15. Doktor Zoom

    No, Obama was finally showing a bit of backbone. Halperin, having so seldom seen that in a Democrat, mistook it for another stiff portion of the anatomy.

  16. SorosBot

    His apology should be, "I meant to say that Obama has a big dick, and he showed it when he tore Congress a new one."

  17. mavenmaven

    He's just lucky he didn't call him a "poopyhead" or else he would have been in REAL trouble.
    Though I would have figured that a guy named Halperin would know to use "putz" or "schmuck" instead of the wasp-y "dick" .

    1. finallyhappy

      Putz really means prick- so I think that is worse than dick – a direct translation would be schlong.

    2. tessiee

      I think the connotations are slightly different.
      As I've heard the words used:
      A "schmuck" is a screw-up, a dumb guy who does everything wrong. Joe Biden could fairly be called a schmuck.
      A "putz" is a wimpy guy who can't assert himself. Obama may not be a putz at heart, but is at least acting like a putz when he tries to be "bipartisan".
      A "dick" is a nasty guy who is mean to people for no good reason. Bush the Lesser was a dick (he was also a schmuck, but I digress).

  18. freakishlywrong

    Oh, and Mark? Good luck with that "access" for your next un-deserved, drooled over by idiots best seller; Game Change II

  19. hooray4anything

    Calling the President "a dick" is probably too much even for Fox. Calling him a Commie sympathizer who studied politics with Saul Alinsky and Mao Tse Tung, however, is another thing.

  20. Goonemeritus

    Many moons ago the Village Voice split the worlds population into only two camps, Assholes and Creeps. I have always found their logic unassailable. By their criteria Obama would be a Creep not a Dick I myself am a proud Creep. I hazard a guess that every Republican vying for the nomination is almost a pure Asshole.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      If you're not ideologically pure (as an asshole) you cannot win the repub primary.

  21. powersuit

    So this is the guy who started writing THE NOTE, his daily upchuck on inside-the-beltway garbage, got popular, got arrogant, ditched ABC and The Note to go be a hotshot somewhere else (where was that?) faded into oblivion because no one cared what he had to say except Karl Rove, comes back to blow hot air on Morning Joe, and now gets "suspended" for being an arrogant prick. Next stop: Politico!

  22. hooray4anything

    It goes without saying that Halperin's burst of anger at something related to politics is not actually related to anything about politics but at a perceived lack of ass-kissing the President did to the press.

  23. Texan_Bulldog

    Isn't the biggest sin that MSNBC thinks Harold Ford Jr.'s opinion counts for anything?

    Alex Pareene has a great article about this saying that Mark shouldn't be fired for the 'dick' comment but because he is always WRONG about EVERYTHING. Favorite quote:

    "It seems wrong, to me, that in a conversation involving Joe Scarborough and Mark Halperin, a third party was somehow called a "dick,"…."

    1. freakishlywrong

      Harold Ford Jr. is another one I'd like to cold punch in the cock. He is also presented on the Sunday Blows as the "liberal" or "Democrat" on the panel My ass.

    2. Negropolis

      Isn't the biggest sin that MSNBC thinks Harold Ford Jr.'s opinion counts for anything?

      THANK YOU!

      I never liked this guy. I hate Bob Corker even more (long story), but Harold is an entitled, smug prig of the highest order.

  24. baconzgood


    1. Eve8Apples

      Scarborough's holding for you on line 2. He's inviting your potty mouth to appear on tomorrow's show. He says he needs a ratings boost.

      1. baconzgood

        Seriously. I hate when fucking bitch cunts can't control thier fuckin shit hole mouth. I don't need to have a swear cock jammed into my ear pussy.

  25. CapeClod

    That's the usual reaction when someone who goes about his job in a half-assed fashion sees a person who takes a serious, disciplined approach to real problems.

  26. littlebigdaddy

    Yeah, Barry needs to be *more* of a dick. Channel LBJ, and whip it out (maybe while picking that stupid dog of his up by the ears). He is starting to learn that fear is the most important factor in his relationship with Congress. (We might have been spared all this had Barry read The Prince in college).

    1. tessiee

      "We might have been spared all this had Barry read The Prince in college"

      Instead of just listening to him.

  27. KotBR

    "Do we have the delay? Do we?" ('Look at me! I'm edgy!')

    Way to be ballsy, you incoherent zero.

  28. V572 [SSAN]

    Halperin's own dickishness is apparently hereditary:

    [pappy Morton Halperin] authored the book Contemporary Military Strategy in 1967, where he defended "large-scale American bombing in South Vietnam" on the grounds that although it "may have antagonized a number of people" it nonetheless "demonstrated to these people that the Vietcong could not guarantee their security" — thus "illustrat[ing] the fact that most people tend to be motivated, not by abstract appeals, but rather by their perception of the course of action that is most likely to lead to their own personal security".

    One of Halperin's famous quotes is: 'The NATO doctrine is that we will fight with conventional forces until we are losing, then we will fight with tactical weapons until we are losing, and then we will blow up the world.'

    Haha, large scale bombing in South Vietnam, our fucking ally, "may have antagonized a number of people." Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke, or a Mk-82 500-pounder. You just can't get that kind of Kissingerian Realpolitik anymore.

    1. genxr

      "antagonize a number of people"

      Is that what napalm, cluster bombs, and high explosives do? That doesn't sound so bad.

    2. Nothingisamiss

      I had no idea of this….Wonkeratti(V572), I love you.

      Another legacy, unaware of his unawareness.

    3. Chet Kincaid

      The MK-82 500 Pounder is a joint venture of McDonald's and Burger King. Not a menu item, it is rather the code name for their most loyal customers.

  29. Chet Kincaid

    Nothing good ever comes of that time-slot on MSNBC. For years, we were "entertained" by the slow-motion train wreck of Don Imus holding his kennel of nigger/fag/bitch/liberal-hating cast-members on a mile-long leash, while mainstream pundit regulars called in to chuckle it up and pretend to be uncomfortable, before the old bastard got his inevitable public beat-down. Now we've got insufferable Scarborough and prevaricating/plagiarizing Reagan-white-ethnic Barnicle insinuating the wingnut POV with a "reasonable and intelligent" veneer as Mika frowns and sputters uselessly, with Willie Geist covering the Kardashians in case any shallow youngsters might accidentally stumble across the program. If "dick" was really offensive to MSNBC, they would never have put this show on in the first place.

    1. V572 [SSAN]

      Why is it so easy to hate Barnicle? I can feel the anger radiating out of my head every time he opens his mouth or shows his ugly mug.

    2. freakishlywrong

      Perfection. I also love when they trot Noonan out as though she adds intellectual heft.

  30. OneYieldRegular

    He should really stick to writing novels for adult children. They were half-way decent, albeit, like Halperin himself, moralizing, infantilizing, and annoyingly libertarian, but at least the language occasionally had something to recommend it.

  31. Barb

    You work for a gaming company? As in making things or doing something that applies to the casino industry? My husband, Jeffery is a corporate executive over 3 casinos. Do give details, please.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Barb, I replied though email. Looks like it didn't post.

      I am in the computer games biz. Been doing this for 22 years.

      I am originally from (farm) Shreveport, La. We have many casinos on the Red River. I don't go much though.

  32. DarwinianDemon

    If suggesting the rich pay more than their current record low taxes is dickish, Im the dickiest dick that ever dicked in this whole dickin' dick town.

  33. Billmatic

    How could you do it Mark? How could you? Coming out with stink like that poop, you poop-mouth, there's poop coming out of your mouth.

  34. sportshort

    Eh, like most of the privileged, he'll wait a week, apologize without apologizing, blame everyone else in four weeks, and in five weeks…oh look, something shiny!

  35. Radiotherapy®

    He called Obama a dick for wanting to raise taxes on the job creators….then he lost his job…hahaha.

  36. Melissa511

    Steve Benen, as usual, gets it right:

    Let me say this as plainly as I know how: Republicans are threatening to deliberately cause a global recession. The president is willing to strike a deal that leans heavily in the GOP’s direction, and Republicans are refusing. Who, in this scenario, is being dickish?

    1. tessiee

      Awhile back, I saw a political cartoon with a bunch of guys in a bar. They were watching a very stressed-looking Obama (with a cigarette burning in the ashtray), saying, "My fellow Americans, I am sorry to tell you that in ten minutes, a comet will hit the earth and wipe out all life on the planet".
      The guys in the bar were all cheering, and high-fiving each other and yelling, "WOOHOO! OBAMA FAILS AGAIN!"

      This pretty much sums up everything that Congress has done since January 2009.

  37. imissopus

    Sure Mark, because what's important here isn't WHAT he said, but HOW he said it. And now this will eat up the news cycle for the next 24 hours.

    Taking a slightly wider view, I find it interesting/obnoxious that whenever Barry gives a press conference or speech in which he shows some feistiness (see the speech he gave in response to the Ryan budget a couple of months ago or his calling out the Citizens United decision in the SOTU) the response of the pundits and political class is to essentially call him a dick. But when he doesn't show much feistiness, they write articles about his cool-headed cerebral approach turning people off and ask why he doesn't use the presidency as a bully pulpit to communicate his positions more often.

    Anybody else and the media would be giving us the approving "President Obama has decided to fight fire with fire" narrative, or "President Obama is taking the fight to Congress" or "President Obama is a lone warrior bouncing back from the disappointing midterms…will he be the next Comeback Kid?" But no, it's "How dare he lecture us?" Well shit, Bill Clinton taught law school as well and I don't recall this kind of complaining when he gave a lecture.

    I really hate playing the race card, but I do wonder how much of it is a subconscious "How dare a Negro lecture us 'Mericans," even among the supposedly enlightened and educated pundits who went to Harvard like Halperin.

    1. tessiee

      "Well shit, Bill Clinton taught law school as well and I don't recall this kind of complaining when he gave a lecture."

      I recall the mainstream media being up Clinton's ass for everything he did. The news was wallpapered with headlines like, "Clinton's Failed Presidency: Day 3" (OK, I may have made that up). You're probably too young to remember it.

      With that said, however, I do agree that there's an ugly note underlying (and sometimes they don't even bother to make it underlying) the same kind of criticism when it's leveled at Obama, that can only be attributed to racism, although they'll *never ever* admit it. Clinton may have been "slick Willie", or whatever their damn problem was with him, but at least they weren't calling him "uppity".

  38. mumbly_joe

    Meh, Halperin will be back before you know it. It's not like he pointed out the hypocrisy of Joe presuming a sitting congressman was a murderer because he was romantically linked to a dead staffer, or anything like that.

  39. Tommmcattt

    Hey, the Gimp is back out of his box, doing the downfist.

    Fists up for you all! Except for you, Gimp, you get the hose.

    1. Tommmcattt

      The only thing you'll get out of this hose is composed of mostly water, with organic solutes including urea, creatinine, uric acid, and trace amounts of enzymes, carbohydrates, hormones, fatty acids, pigments, and mucins, and inorganic ions such as sodium (Na+), potassium (K+), chloride (Cl-), magnesium (Mg2+), calcium (Ca2+), ammonium (NH4+), sulfates (SO42-), and phosphates (e.g., PO43-).

      Lap it up, Gimp-boy!

  40. neiltheblaze

    That's pretty much true – but Barnacle does it with a particular form of fake blue-collar preening that's particularly loathsome. He used to be a writer for the Boston Globe, so I was exposed every few days to his faux populist everyman crap for years before he got his second chance on TV (after his little plagiarism kerfuffle) – so my animus is of long standing in his case. He's such a….dick!

  41. DemonicRage

    That show only rocks when Joe Scarborough is reminiscing about his years in the House of Representatives. Everything else on the 4 hours or so of random chat is a total waste. Also good when Scarborough crinkles his nose, smiles, and turns around any criticism made of Conservatives by saying something disparaging about Liberals. Such a rewarding investment of time watching that show!

  42. donner_froh

    Halperin's second take–"the President was posturing" went perfectly with "the President was a dick."

    Put them together and he would have a posturing dick–not unlike Anthony Weiner. Halperin must not be able to get those images out of his mind.

  43. Bigger than Rod

    All this fuss over a dick which we can't even see in a photo! What's the point of having a male dominated society if daddy can't whip it out once in a while to keep the help in check?

  44. __kth__

    Assuming Halperin speaks for the Gang of 500, which I don't doubt in the slightest, apparently if you respond to the Republicans with anything but a fetal crouch as they kick you in the kidneys, you're a dick. If so, then we might as well give the teabaggers the keys to this country and let them drive it off a cliff. Some days, that sounds like poetic justice to me.

  45. sati_demise

    Oh, of course the President has to re-frame the debate.

    The Repulicans dont have to do a damn thing?

  46. WriteyWriterton

    Steve Benen and Greg Sargent got this right: this remark is a misdemeanor. It's all the utterly lazy fictitious equivalence-peddling and Kenyan/muslin/birther/socializm/fact-free/don't challenge-Boehner-Cantor-McConnell-on-their-lies- stuff that warrants the public floggings. THAT'S the felony.

  47. __kth__

    Fox News wouldn't call Obama a dick. They would merely have a big chyron that asked "IS OBAMA A DICK?", because it's out there.

  48. Gleem_McShineys

    In 2009, Let me stop you right there, Daily Caller.

    1.3 million minutes of airtime have passed since then, and during all that time, nobody, not a single pundit, called the President of the United States a dick.

    In that minute or so, a million-ish broadcast minutes ago, they also weren't calling the Tea Party movement a dick.

    Look, if you expect anyone to believe that anyone could still be butthurt about something 'borderline-inappropriate' that happened in 2009, you might want to buy some serious industrial-strength anus aspirin, 'cause this is going to hurt:

    Seriously, fuck off you hypersensitive little cunts. Shut the fuck up. Only whiny little tittybabies like yourself have the need to come up with some kind of fucking 'equivalency' that 'somehow' excuses some shitty thing one of 'your team' is caught dead-to-rights doing. I say 'somehow' because it only holds water with your own smug asshole pundit/parrot club. Seriously. Quit with the false equivalency shit, it's the most pathetically crap kind of rationalization, ever.

    How's that for borderline-inappropriate? You gonna put it down in your little notebook? YOU GONNA CRY NOW, DAILY CALLER??

  49. OneYieldRegular

    To tell the truth, I've only been able to read him Palin-style – quitting half way through the two books I tried, so when I said they were "half-way decent" I meant that literally.

  50. tessiee

    "sucked off every fucking mule in a mile-long mule train"
    Look, prommie! An unattended bottle of Jack Daniel's!
    *steals perfect phrase while prommie is distracted*

  51. tessiee

    "Chris Matthews has made outrageous statements including saying the country should “put Exxon signs up over Arlington Cemetery” and has also alleged tokenism from the Bush administration by calling former Secretaries of State Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell “showcase appointment[s].” And former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has also been a target – calling her “profoundly stupid,” “a dolt,” and an “empty head,” all having gone unpunished."

    Chris Matthews said that?
    The guy whose hair looks like a lemon ice?
    AND he got away with it?
    I like him slightly better than I did five minutes ago.

  52. Negropolis

    I've always hated Halperin with a burning passion, so this makes me happy. It's not his politics – I think he politics are whoever happens to be paying him any one minute -, it's that he's a total and utter representation of the Beltway press. He is just plain awful. Smug, duplicitous…he is every single thing that's wrong with the press. Him and John Heilmann or however in the hell you spell it. Oh, and fish-faced Dana Milbank. Gawd, I can't wait until they are ignored and just go away.

  53. Negropolis

    Honestly, Rachel is the only thing they've got left. I was not surprised to hear that he's was one of the few shows that have gained viewers over the last monhts. I even liked Olbermann, well, at least his show, and that is all that mattered.

    The rest of them are too self-serious or just plain poseurs or both.

  54. Tundra Grifter

    Off-the-Mark Levin calls people "schmucks" several times a show and nothing happens.

    Is that because no one is listening?

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