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tragedy strikes in real americaIS THIS THE END OF SNOWBILLY GRIFTING? The jihadist conspiracy of elitist liberal shopping mall patrons struck with merciless force yesterday at Minnesota’s Mall of America: only 300 people showed up to attend the Sarah and Bristol Palin book signing of Bristol’s new memoir about her life as a drunk pregnant teenager. The family abandoned the stage half an hour before the end of the time slot because there was nobody left. So are we at last witnessing the sad finale of Real American Freedom? Our true patriots are no longer willing to give up fifteen of their last dollars to support the unemployed offspring of this screeching, nightmare opportunist woman. Wait wait, oh come on, uh, how about if Sarah Palin says, “The Constitution of the United States is fricking awesome” three times out loud to anyone in line? Will they hand her some of those crumpled, sweaty dollars in that case? 

From the CityPages:

The rules set up by Mall of America officials for Sarah and Bristol Palin’s book signing yesterday seemed to have been written in anticipation of an army of fans.

“‘Camping out’ is not allowed,” the rules read. “Beginning at 5 a.m., guests will be allowed to line up.”

But there was no teeming crowd of rabid Palinites at 5 a.m. And less than a half hour into the appearance of Bristol, Sarah and Todd Palin, the crowd had dwindled to a trickle of latecomers.

Palin has also dropped down to single digits among likely voters in a new Fox News poll. Can we say that America has finally started to quit Sarah Palin? Because we can’t say it any other way. [CityPages]

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  • WunkRocker

    Should have scheduled it at the Mall of Real America.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      …which may explain why she didn't sign at a bookstore.

    • GOPCrusher

      Or the book section of the Minneapolis Super Wal-Mart.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      A mall full of white people on hoverrounds?

    • genxr

      You mean the hobo beans stand they set up in the rubble of the old I-35 bridge?

    • tessiee

      Let this be a lesson to… somebody.
      What she should have done is had the event at a Costco, and given a free pallet-load of Little Debbie snack cakes with each book.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      holy crap, 355 upfists? that's the biggest p-ness I've ever seen for a Wonkette commentater…well done Wunker!

  • freakishlywrong

    Well, she can always fall back on mud wrestling Michele Bachmann after her spectacular flame out.

  • SorosBot

    She'll hire World Net Daily's lawyers and sue Tina Fey for $500 million for defamation.

  • bureaucrap

    To be fair, they were having a 50% off sale at Lane Bryant, two storefronts away.

    • Ladies' panties half-off is always an eye-catcher.

      • freakishlywrong

        Entendre is delish when doubled…

        • V572 [SSAN]

          And even moreso when grammatically incorrect!

          //Sorry, Weejee. My inner word-nerd sneaks out from time to time.

          • arr are matey, avast the pluralz

    • arihaya

      and a promotion of Hoveround™ just the next stair

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I heard the refrigeration at Orange Julius had gone down (again) and they were giving away their stock. Like, everybody, was over on the other end of the mall, I mean, free Orange Julius!

      • flamingpdog

        I didn't know he was in prison.
        Sorry.

  • Barb

    Mall of America is the largest retail shopping mall in the United States with more than 2,768,400 million feet of retail space, over 520 stores, 50 restaurants and Nickelodeon Universe®, the nation’s largest Nickelodeon® theme park with 24 amusement park rides including a roller coaster that winds around the enclosed atrium of the mall.
    ——————————
    And somehow, is still smaller than Bristol's vagina.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Yeah, but she was drunk and passed out in a tent. What did you expect.

      • NYNYNYjr

        Ha ha. The no camping out sign was for Bristol.

      • CessnaDriver

        She's do damned dumb she didn't realize that fabrication says that Levi raped her.

        Her new meme is that it wasn't consensual, but it wasn't rape.

        It's scary that they think that WE are that dumb.

      • comrad_darkness

        She made that story up to deflect attention from her actually getting preggers after Saint Sarah have him move in with them. You know, like every conservative family does with unwed kids, move in their horny boyfriends.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Reminds me of the old drinking song from college, with the Frito Bandito tune:

      Aye yi yi yi
      Your mother swims out to meet troopships.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Not just a Fritos commercial, but an actual popular folksong; Cielito Lindo.

        You learn these things when you marry into a Mexican family.

      • CessnaDriver

        Thanks for that….I almost coughed up a lung!

        • lou_sarah

          me too also!

    • mumbly_joe

      The difference being, that story about how the soon-to-be high school dropouts who got drunk and passed out inside the Mall of America? Probably true.

    • Arken

      What? Nickelodeon Universe? What happened to Camp Snoopy?

  • Eve8Apples

    The bells on my special Andy Warhol 15 minutes of fame alarm clock are ringin' like Paul Revere on meth right now.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      I evinced a tear, that was so wonderfully said.

    • PsycWench

      This is the very best sentence ever written on the Internet, possibly excepting those in Barb's diatribe yesterday about the gay bulling advocate.

    • tessiee

      "Andy Warhol 15 minutes of fame alarm clock"

      Unfortunately for all of us, that particular clock seems to have a snooze alarm, which the Palins have somehow figured out how to keep hitting.

  • LetUsBray

    Who knew getting Paul Revere wrong meant jumping the shark even with Dumbfuckistanis?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      They would have ripped her to shreds if she got the John Quincy Adams part wrong.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Wednesday is bowling/Red Lobster/Christian Science Reading Room night in Real America. No time for Sister Sarah.

    • No mules for Sister Sarah.

      • Beowoof

        Bite your tongue, with Bristol and Sarah moving to Arizona, how long do you think it will be before they are broke and heading down to Mexico to perform in some Bride of the Burrow shows?

        • Soon I hope, I got a stack of old peso coins to throw.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Soemwhere a gay cowboy in Montana is saying "St Sarah of the Stupids, I jus' caint quit you. No, wait, si se puede!"

    Dern messicans.

    • TeaNuts

      Please don't use Montana and Sarah in the same sentence, it hurts our image. Sheep lie!

  • memzilla

    Next time, Mooselini should make sure that she puts her signing table next to a Hoveround™ charging station and a food court.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Yeah, the signing was probably in the cobwebbed Waldenbooks that Mall of America denizens think is haunted. Just poor placement choice.

  • Barb

    I wonder if security had to fish Willow out of the fountain and make her put the pennies back?

    • widestanceroman

      That a female guard took her into the ladies room to "check" is disturbing.

    • To be fair, SHINY THINGS!

    • Radiotherapy®

      You can't have a fish picker in Minnesota.

    • comrad_darkness

      How do you do it? Every comment is such a gem.

  • JoeHoya

    "Dropped down to double digits" in the latest poll? Was she in triple digits before?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Remember, this is Fox Nooze, home of polls with results adding up to 187%.

      • tessiee

        Not intended to be a mathematical statement.

    • Come here a minute

      The previous Fox News poll had her at 130 percent, just behind Mitt.

    • Since when is 8 not a double-digit number?

    • DaRooster

      I figured it to mean "actual" supporters (under 100)… hell a college football team has more supporters… in their pants.

    • Dimitrios_M

      If you had been properly home schooled you would know that 2 is the double digit.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Double digits" means you need the fingers of both hands.

  • GuanoFaucet

    According to Palin's wikipedia entry, one million people attended this book signing.

    • Barb

      We should go to Wikipedia and say that they stayed at a cheap motel, Big Dick's Halfway Inn.

    • arihaya

      wingnuts should've been quarantined in Conservapedia for internet's sake

    • comrad_darkness

      Including Paul Revere and John Wayne.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Well, she can always go back to bobbing for "apples" in the Don's John.

  • Kinda expected this to happen.

  • Ohforcripessake

    I've said it once and I'll say it again..

    DAMN YOU MCCAIN!!1!

    • I know! I thought he was against torture. Yet he foists Sarah Palin™ and her family on us.

      • arihaya

        in McCain's defense, during his 231 years of life, he never for even once imagine that torture can come in the form of a snowbilly grifter

  • Lou Sarah is the bridge to nowhere.

  • Come here a minute

    I blame the lizard people.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Leave Rick Scott out of this conversation!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Maybe some crazy rock guitarist had all those Minniebraniacs in a Stranglehold, and they couldn't make it.

  • Apparently you had to buy a Sarah Palin book to get a Sarah scrawl and you had to buy a Bristol book to get a Bristol scribble. I think the Teabaggers were just intimidated by all that reading.

    • freakishlywrong

      Or, maybe after three fucking years the griftees are finally seeing the cracks?

    • kissawookiee

      I don't know. Hollowed-out books are great places to stash your oxy, or to hide your ammunition from the British.

    • comrad_darkness

      >I think the Teabaggers were just intimidated by all that reading.
      To be honest, so would I. o__O

    • Hagar7

      I don't think they read. I think it's just tough to hold two full-sized hardback books under your arm when you're already juggling the 2011 Special Edition Precious Moments Collection and three full shopping bags from K&G.

  • LesBontemps

    Palin has also dropped down to double digits among likely voters in a new Fox News poll.

    To be fair, she couldn't stay at 163% support forever, even among Fox viewers.

  • widestanceroman

    We grow some great people in our mall towns.

    Sarah had to make bank on the day by having Tawd give dry hand jobs in the parking lot, while she pretended to be Bachmann and got some free clothes from Claire's Basement.

  • archikvetch

    Well, to be fair…

    Screw that…. FAIL REDUX!

  • freakishlywrong

    Time to retire the bumpit, and the stuffed monkeys, beeyatch. See ya!

  • x111e7thst

    I guess people are starting to say nope to dope.

    • GOPCrusher

      Finally, Nancy Reagan's plans come to fruition!

    • WriteyWriterton

      Not "Yeth!" to meth?

  • nounverb911

    At least the Palin's are consistent in their quitting.

  • DaRooster

    All that friggin' bell ringin' drives folks away!

    AMEN!! Thanks for not showing people… there is hope!

  • And no one glittered her. How disappointing.

    • widestanceroman

      Once teh geiz dump you, you really are nobody.

  • exmartinette

    On any given day, the MOA has over 100k visitors, (no shit!) That means that at least 99,700 people who were already there actively avoided seeing the Palins.

    • And bless them every one.

  • cheetojeebus

    The savoring…the savoring.

  • Eve8Apples

    I suspect people were afraid to "camp out" anyway near the Palins fearing they would wake up hungover on cheap wine coolers and knocked up.

    • LesBontemps

      Don't forget the hookworm!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      If you went camping and got all drunk, and woke up in the morning with a sticky, sore ass, would you tell anyone? No? Wanna go camping?

      • Eve8Apples

        Actually, that's the line Levi used to invite Bristol on the camping trip.

    • finallyhappy

      I have a friend(who must be losing it) who told me Bristol was raped and had been a virgin. I laughed – and then realized this person was serious. I told her that she needed to get some serious educational help if she bought that crap.

      • GOPCrusher

        If that idea gains traction, wouldn't Levi have a good reason to file a lawsuit?

    • Nothingisamiss

      I just realized this can be my next Halloween costume…go with a tent, a 6 pack of wine coolers and a funny look on my face.

      • Eve8Apples

        Pick -up line — "Hey there, I could sure use some help pitchin' my tent."

  • Show some skin, Sarah.

    Not you, Bristol.

  • DaSandman

    The dream is fading, time to return with their shabby loot to Meth Town.

  • Thanks a lot Bristol for scaring away all the people that wanted to see your Mother!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Everyone defected, and went to Ken Layne's book signing instead. Yay!

  • CapeClod

    So after three years of jerking people around, America is finally starting to catch on?

    Should I dare to hope?

    • Ohforcripessake

      No

    • SorosBot

      It makes me less Afraid of Life.

  • widestanceroman

    Nah, they shafted the maid as usual.

    • PsycWench

      On the ball, I see

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Not what she meant by "getting stiffed."

        • But it made her a little testy.

          • Fare la Volpe

            They knocked the price up just for Bristol.

  • SorosBot

    Oh I think they can be proud that almost none of them showed up to see her.

  • widestanceroman

    I'd flame out for some lingonberry jelly.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Let's see — Bristol's a single mother preaching abstinence, fronting for a charity whose only purpose is to pay her, and her last big media appearance, on Dancing with the Stars, was under the category of "neither" — the dipshit's lucky she hadn't played out a loooong time ago.

  • fartknocker

    I bet Bristol Brisket Thighs is probably re-thinking paying cash for that palace in Maricopa, AZ. If she would have taken out an ARM, she could just not pay the bill and default – since quitting seems to be so easy for that family.

    Minus the 500 idiots in attendance, thank you remaining people of Minnesota for not acknowledging these two tin-foil hat twittering twats with book purchases.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Sarah's spectacular flame-out was prompted by her more-than-usual fucked up speechifying the day before at her Not-About-Me movie premier.
    http://www.themudflats.net/2011/06/30/palins-rema

    What will it take for people to realize this family is simply crazy Valley Trash? Sarah shaving her head like Brittany but looking like Gabby's surveyor-mark shooter?

  • Goonemeritus

    The free market has spoken, expect a product re-tool in the near future. May I humbly suggest a blast from the past tour with other conservative legends from the past like Tom Delay?

    • tessiee

      "The free market has spoken, expect a product re-tool in the near future."

      *ponders*
      Now let's see, which of her children hasn't been exploited enough yet?

  • LesBontemps

    184%. It's a Fox News poll.

    • It's FOX math we're talking about. Reasonably, we could even assume they are including the digit after decimal point., as in 26.4% is TRIPLE DIGIT SUPPORT!

  • DaRooster

    New Mall of America signs (posted for this "event")

    Absolutely NO drinking and sex on the roller coaster!

    Please pick up your own wine cooler bottles

    Do not shoot the stuffed wolves at KB Toy Store

  • Barb

    Wonder how many guys asked Brizzly to sign the book "Heywood Jiblomy ?"
    Bristol, "No, I already know how to spell it, thanks"

    I would have asked her to sign mine: "Anna Bortion" Bah, ha ha!

  • CapeClod

    TV converters on local access channels.

  • Mumbletypeg

    Is it possible to reach a level of Too Stupid for even Teh Stoopids to put up with anymore?

    I think it's called The Law of Diminishing Ret[dacted]..

  • DemonicRage

    Sad, delusionary grifter! Still thinks she is the cat's pajamas! How fickle the public is!

  • Crank_Tango

    Mall libel!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Mom, there's no one here. Let's go get some Zimas and a pack of smokes."

    • AJWjr.

      2 packs a peace?

    • tessiee

      "Mom, there's no one here. Let's go get some Zimas and a pack of smokes."

      And some of those cakes we like.

  • "Camping out’ is not allowed”

    This is bad news for Willow's bf.

  • fuflans

    looks like america quit sarah.

  • "Palin has also dropped down to double digits among likely voters in a new Fox News poll."

    But her wikipedia says her approval rating is still in the triple digits.

    • PsycWench

      One "author" tried to use scientific notation but was shouted down because anything scientific is the work of the devil.

      • AnarchyWolf

        Measuring is junk science.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Wait… Sarah and Bristol were at a mall… trying to convince Americans to read?!

    • Terry

      No, not to read. Just to cough up money for Bristol's book.

  • Eve8Apples

    1. Commemorative grifter coins featuring a picture of the Palin clan. On the other side, they read "Keep the change, I'll keep my freedumbs, you betcha!"
    2. Wolf jerky made from Alaskan wolves gunned down by Snowbilly from a helicopter.
    3. Bristol would make an excellent spokeswoman for Trojan condoms.
    4. Palin rifle scopes so you can keep those damn librule, communist, 'Merikan hatin' politicians in the crosshairs.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Palin rifle scopes surveying instruments

  • CapeClod

    Also, "Sarah Palin's Bag-O-Hammers" would be an excellent marriage of product and personality.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Quitters quit.

    You just can't explain it.

  • AJWjr.

    This is not the hot dish you were looking for.

  • Don't be in a rush. She still has yet to demonstrate her ping-pong tricks on YouJizz.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I saw enough banana cutters, vag-smoking, and peso shows in Bangkok and Subic to last a lifetime, thanks.

  • Soon she'll be in a booth next to Pete Rose signing trading cards.

    • SorosBot

      Maybe that's her latest grifting plan – she'll run for President, then make a bunch of anonymous bets against her own campaign while intentionally tanking it.

      • DaRooster

        Intentionally… NOW THAT'S FUNNY!!

      • WriteyWriterton

        Short her own campaign on InTrade, in other words. That gives me an idea…

  • riverside68

    hoverounds?

    • cheetojeebus

      A series of 'blind leading the blind' tomes :

      "American History for Dummies"
      "Family Planning for Dummies"
      " Plucking a Turkey for Dummies"

      I could go on….

    • Barrelhse

      my 1st choice, too, then bibles for history books.

  • mavenmaven

    Minnesota is Bachmann territory. They already have their own crazy person to applaud for when talking trash.

  • Goonemeritus

    I am somewhat surprised that it hasn’t been broken up into “true relics” to be worn around the necks of the faithful.

    • GOPCrusher

      If/when President Obama gets re-elected in 2012, we may very well see that happen.

    • tessiee

      "worn around the necks of the faithful"

      ATTN Judge Prosser

  • Pithaughn

    alright, from now on just tell us when they don't quit something or other.

    • WriteyWriterton

      THAT would be news.

  • Serolf_Divad

    "Camping out’ is not allowed”

    This reminds me of used car salesmen hyping their Summer Sale-Athon by adding the phrase "Door open to the Public at 9:00. Absolutely No Dealers Allowed!" to their Sunday circular ad.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Or the 1950's horror movie promotion: "Nurses will be on duty in the lobby!"

  • philpjfry

    "only 300 people showed up to attend the Sarah and Bristol Palin book signing of Bristol’s new memoir about her life"
    Dawn is breaking in America. Finaly

    • Our long national nightmare, etc.

    • Dawn of the (brain) Dead. We still have a few more years with the Tea Bagger crowd. They will likely get all patrioty again once the election cycle gets fully into motion.

  • neiltheblaze

    I never believed "people" generally were ever very much into Sarah Palin. She's a media creation, primarily – and they're the ones who loved her most because she is what they imagine to be so cartoonishly gosh-darn "folksy".

    Most regular people have been laughing at her for a year and a half, and her "fanbase" is sort of like the same 20% who think the moon landing was faked and fluoridation is a Communist plot.

    Selling bad ghost-written books to illiterates isn't really something you can do indefinitely. Actual readers don't care and the illiterates have no attention span. Maybe they're finally bored with her.

    • AnarchyWolf

      Fluoridation is actually a capitalist plot to dispose of potentially dangerous toxic chemical waste by diluting it in the masses' water.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Selling bad ghost-written books to illiterates isn't really something you can do indefinitely. Actual readers don't care and the illiterates have no attention span. Maybe they're finally bored with her."

      She should have skipped the book thing and just sold used panties to her base. Same thing, really.

      • WriteyWriterton

        And…we're back to scratch and sniff, I think.

    • GeneralLerong

      Re that 20% figure that is forever bandied about….doesn't it give you pause that one in five of your fellow citizens is fucking insane and proud of it?

      Are we supposed to be relieved or something that the figure isn't 50%?

      Oh. Neurologists and behaviorists say the figure is actually is greater than 50%. Nevermind.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Time for her and Todd to go back to AK where he can lick her wounds.

    • DaRooster

      Eeew…

    • AJWjr.

      I could say something about the hellish gash that meat axe left, but I won't.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Time for her and Todd to go back to AK where he can lick her wounds."

      Is that wise? Shouldn't he just slap some disinfectant and strong antibiotics on "those" wounds?

    • Barrelhse

      Ooh- that's a nasty gash, alright.

  • ttommyunger

    To be fair, that venue is just too large for her fans. Fox News reported thousands of Lard Rovers stranded in the parking lot and bowels of the site having exhausted their batteries riding at full tilt to see their Heroine.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "…riding at full tilt to see their Heroine."

      That is the funniest mind picture!
      "Hyeah! Hyeah! Hang on, Gladys, I'm gonna try something!"

    • zhubajie

      Maybe they were exhausting their bowels at a toilet somewhere?

      • ttommyunger

        Hmmmm. “Depends”.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Still don't want to see her chin. Just the top of her head, please.

  • Weenus299

    Bachmannia, all you Foster Babies! BACHMANNIA!!!!1!!!!

  • jus_wonderin

    Bag of Good Ole American Air. 9.99 and if you act now, you can get two Bags of Good Ole American Air for 19.00. Call now. Operators are standing by.

    • DaRooster

      That's $19.95… everyone knows everything is $19.95… just pay separate shipping and handling.

    • AnarchyWolf

      Never mind that that air was in socialist haven Canada two days earlier.

  • jus_wonderin

    I can't wait to see who Sarah blames for the low turnout.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Comment on the Grifter's Facebook page:

    I am an UN-APOLOGETIC AMERICAN!! I Pledge Allegiance to the FLAG of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA, and to the REPUBLIC (not democracy) for which it stands, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, with LIBERTY and JUSTICE for ALL. I grew up reciting this every morning in school. It is a shame we do not do this any more for fear of offending someone. I do not care if this offends someone because I am Proud to be American.

    I bet that this person also recited the "not a democracy" part, too.

    Also, too, and further, as a substitute teacher, I can attest that schools still require the pledge (In Idaho, at least). It's interesting to see the students' waning enthusiasm for the pledge when I sub in junior high schools–while I would attribute that to the kids seeing it as an empty ritual, no doubt it's LIBERAL UNION TEACHERS at fault…

    Oh, and a lover of free speech replied to the comment above: " It should be mandatory – if you don't like it then leave this country!"

    • DaRooster

      So, this person is gonna give up voting? Good…

      I didn't even know what half of the stuff in that poem meant until I was about 15…

    • AnarchyWolf

      Don't they realize that it's shockingly similar to the evil commie indoctrination that they all complain about all the time?

      They say they want to be free, but I suspect they just want to be controlled by specific kinds of people.

    • GOPCrusher

      I recited the Pledge every morning in school too. I'm also a veteran.
      It didn't make me a retard.

    • tessiee

      "Oh, and a lover of free speech replied to the comment above: " It should be mandatory – if you don't like it then leave this country!" "

      Good idea, but it doesn't go far enough.
      What this country really needs is mandatory loyalty oaths, signed in blood, to declare the allegiance of all good Amurrcans to Jebus, America, the flag, and the Presid–
      Um…

  • thefrontpage

    It was probably a bad idea for the Payins to set up their book-signing encampment in front of the Victoria's Secret store and the Sunny's Surplus store.

  • thefrontpage

    Here's a passage from Bristol Palin's book, Chapter 13:

    "I actually got drunk with my mom and Todd a bunch of times. Mom likes weird old-people drinks, like Tom Collins, Manhattans, Whiskey Sours and those icky martini things, but she doesn't like flavors in her martinis!! How can anyone drink unflavored martinis!! Mom also downs about four Bloody Marys every Saturday and Sunday, and she puts a lot of Tabasco and Frank's Hot Sauce in them! Ew! Ick! Todd–I've always called him Todd because, well, you know, he's always been my very 'special friend,' you know, heart, heart–likes bourbon, whiskey and rum, and he drinks several shots of Wild Turkey and Southern Comfort with every meal, including breakfast! Some days, that's the only thing he has for breakfast!! Levi used to like to drink these fruity drinks like Mad Dog, Tinkled Pink and Boone's Farm. We have fun drinking in our family! Myself, I love screwdrivers. I could have a big ol' screwdriver every day, sometimes twice a day!!"

    • zhubajie

      If you were Todd, stuck with Sarah for life, you would drink too. Especially at breakfast!

      • Barrelhse

        Yes, but Tinkled Pink? In the morning?

    • tessiee

      "martini things, but she doesn't like flavors in her martinis!! How can anyone drink unflavored martinis!!"

      A drink that tastes like raspberry lemonade, a butterscotch sundae, or Oreo cookies, may be many things.
      It may even have good qualities in its own way.
      It is not, however, a martini.

  • So let's see….300 people x $15 book = not enough to cover trip expenses. Sounds like Bristol is gonna get a Jury Duty call soon…

  • ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!!!!!!! Please, America, just ignore them until they go away.

  • glory hallelujah

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I stole this idea from another Wonketeer (sorry can't remember who, but it was brilliant), it kind of fits:

    "Listen, and understand. That griftinator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until your wallet is bled."

  • guangho

    Nooooo! I need her and Michele Bachman to be the 2012 GOP ticket!

  • Steverino247

    A little perspective here. I was at the Mall of America in late 2004 when Sean Astin (the actor who played Samwise Gamgee in the Lord of the Rings movies) was there for a book signing. He had written a book ("There and Back Again: An Actor's Tale") about his experiences making the popular movie. The line was very long and the people polite while waiting. I was on the level above and pretty much directly over the podium they had set up. Any security was discrete and there were likely no problems.

    So, for the Girfters to have only sold 300 books in that period of time must have been very much below their expectations. I'd say the word will get out to other potential venues very quickly and signings will be inside the actual bookstores from now on. No special set ups for them again. Ever.

    • Doktor Zoom

      One does not simply grift into Mordor.

    • Barb

      Loved Sean Astin in "Rudy"

      • AnarchyWolf

        I liked him in Goonies. A good Oregon based film.

    • Steverino247

      Come to think of it, I want a sword that glows when Sarah Palin is near, too.

  • sezme

    This is good news for John McCain?

  • It's a good day to be alive.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Hey, buddy, I've seen enough horror movies to know that you can never relax when you think the horrific zombie nightmare psycho grifter creature is dead. It always rises again and eats someone (usually the black sidekick) before it's finally subdued.

      KILL IT WITH FIRE!

      • GOPCrusher

        Beat em or burn em. They go up pretty quick.

  • In retrospect I should really have inserted Loboutin into my line somewhere.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    The free market is now a librul socialist plot to keep Sarah and Bristol from getting all the Stupids to give them their money, though you won't know this as the lamestream media won't tell the truth.

  • Spam, spam, spam, spam….

  • BlueStateLibel

    Bitch Slapped by the Invisible Hand of the Free Market

  • GOPCrusher

    Probably didn't even notice. It's walleye fishing season.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Pan-fried walleye…uhhhmmm…

  • prommie

    I'm playing the "schaden frueden" part from Beethoven's Ninth real real loud! Thats the part that The Killers suddenly break into at the end of Mr. Brightside.

  • GOPCrusher

    Reverse mortgages.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Finally, our long national nightmare is over?

  • SorosBot

    That's assuming there is a football season this year.

  • GOPCrusher

    If the numbers that showed up for the book signing are indicative of the people that voted for Bachmann, someone needs to investigate how votes are being counted in that district.

  • AnarchyWolf

    Dunno, my parents did a better job to help me understand math than my math teachers. Of course I still barely understand it anyway.

  • It happened to Yahoo Serious, and it was bound to happen to Sarah.

  • genxr

    It's definitely time for Sarah to announce her candidacy.

    Also, a missed opportunity for me. I could have asked her to sign my copy of Nailin' Palin.

  • genxr

    Looks like the reading public is abstaining.

  • AnarchyWolf

    That might make her followers head explode.

  • Redhead

    "IS THIS THE END OF SNOWBILLY GRIFTING? "

    No. That will never end. She quit this one gig halfway through because she's Sarah Palin and she never completes anything. I'm surprised she hasn't started just going by Sa Pa, so she doesn't even have to finish spelling her own name.

    But she'll never GIVE UP grifting. She'll just quit gigs the minute they don't provide enough money/attention, and move on to the next one, leaving someone else to cover up for her and telling three different "excuses" for why she's leaving at the same time. It's the Palin way.

    • zhubajie

      She'll end up on late night TV, between the ads for fly-by-night colleges and the redneck knife segment on Home Shopping Network!

  • Steverino247

    This just in…
    http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/169213-palin

    Donate $100 and get a copy of the new movie. Gee, I seem to remember hearing she had nothing to do with the picture.

    I don't know when the absolute deadline is on presidential declarations and filing campaign documents, but it can't come soon enough.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's funny when embarrassing shit happens to people that you don't like.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "It's funny when embarrassing shit happens to people that you don't like."

      So simply, and eloquently, and truthfully, put.

  • greenpatches

    Looks like it's time for Sarah to look into Celebrity Apprentice.

  • problemwithcaring

    Out in Middle Dumfuccinstan, where liberal arguments based in "logic" don't mean a thing because the citizenry doesn't know "things," the main draw of Lou Sara was the idea that she "made liberals so angry." Once the citizenry of glorious Dumfuccistan realized (after 3 years!) that liberals were pointing and laughing, but not at all upset by Sarah Palin, they dumped her shit like half-drank lukewarm strawberry lemonade from Sonics.

  • sportshort

    Maybe Bristol could get pregnant again. By Todd. And Sarah could become a rescuer AND a victim. They could all go to heaven in a little row boat, clap hands.

    • Barrelhse

      Trig could be the little man in the boat.

    • zhubajie

      Maybe all the females in the family can get pregnant, all-together and all at the same time!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Amen and amen.

  • ChessieNefercat

    ♪♫Discount Chins and Cheeks!♫♪

  • GortRay

    If Screechin' Sarah, Bangin' Bristol and Re-Todd can't draw a big crowd at the freakin' Mall of Murica does that mean it's game over? Nah, I'm sure they'll come up with a new grift to drain TPers cash.

  • lochnessmonster

    Kelly from The Office probably had a larg following when she went on her shopping spree there

  • DaniloTifoso

    needz moar bellz ringing

  • krazyvladimir

    To keep up with the family's grifting tradition, Todd needs to write a book. I wonder what the title will be.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "A Joe for Sarah's Shoe."*

      *"Put yourself in her shoe’s Joe for one day."

      • Veritas78

        "Two Meth-Heads for Sister Sarah"?

    • zhubajie

      Help! I'm Being Held Prisoner!

    • tessiee

      "If I Did It"

  • genxr

    Oh to think of the life lessons we've all learned from Bristol's book.

    • zhubajie

      Yeah, don't drink cheap booze with teen-age boys when you've forgotten your birth control devices at home!

      • genxr

        And if you do, don't write a book about it because nobody wants to read that crap.

  • WriteyWriterton

    Maybe she was talking about being able to see "Russia House," the novel.

    No? Never f*^#in' mind.

  • JackObin

    Kinda reminds me of when Spinal Tap was left high and dry during a record store signing of "Smell the Glove". Maybe the Palin hicks can milk it for a few more years in North Dakota.

    • genxr

      Does Trig get to kick Paul Shaffer in the ass? Cause that would be awesome.

  • CessnaDriver

    Letting those scum into the MOA is an insult to the spirit of Metropolitan Stadium.

    • Barrelhse

      Hubert would shit his pants.

  • The rules ensure that you have to buy a Mini-Grifter book to get an autograph from Mama Grifter…

    You must have a copy of “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far” in order to purchase a copy of “America by Heart” and/or “Going Rogue” signed by Sarah Palin. Limit 4 books per guest.

  • toxicorange

    No one came because Bristol's story hit too close to home.

  • ChessieNefercat

    So they had little Tripp, the Bristol/Levi spawn with them? How lovely for him to listen to his whorish mother happily tell her mouth-breathing fans how much she hates his father.

  • zhubajie

    She has the runs?

  • zhubajie

    Isn't someone in the brood going to run away, allege abuse or molestation or something, then write a scurrilous memoir?

  • __kth__

    "She never said she could see Russia from her house! She only said that sharing a strait with a nearly uninhabited part of the former Soviet Union qualifies as foreign policy expertise! Lieberals are so unfair!"

  • Barrelhse

    Maybe Esquire could work on that one.

  • rocktonsam

    speech sayin $he$ leavin public life to $pend more time with her family on the who gives a fuck about you channel in 5,4,3,…

  • Negropolis

    I see she didn't have the guts to visit the Real Minnesota, you know, the actual cities of Minneapolis and Saint Paul.

  • OldRedneck

    Reminds me of these memorable lines from "Tombstone:"

    Curly Bill: Well… bye.
    Johnny Ringo: Smell that, Bill? Smells like someone died.

  • comrad_darkness

    Who says Wonkette never has uplifting articles?

  • Sarah Palin next seen lining her children up for Children's Crusade II to retake the holy land, for Jesus. Donate Now!

  • tessiee

    *inhales deeply*
    Ahhhhhhh…
    Smells like schaedenfreude…
    And fail…
    And comeuppance.

  • comrad_darkness

    Hey guys, Sarah was actually the victim this time! Had to happen eventually.

  • tessiee

    Serves them right for hiring Artie Fufkin to do their event publicity:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv5FwzRBc_Y&fe

    "Do me a favor, kick my ass."

  • comrad_darkness

    I just had a thought. What if Sarah is naive enough to take another huge advance from the publisher and then spend it on stupid shit. Should could end up dead broke.

  • tessiee

    Needz moar dancing midget leprechauns.

  • tessiee

    "Palin has also dropped down to single digits among likely voters in a new Fox News poll"

    Fortunately, the wimmenzfolk in that fambly are pretty used to poles by now.

  • tessiee

    I think everybody has pretty much gotten their nickel's worth of "Bristle with her clothes off" by now.

  • Arken

    A long time obviously.

  • fitley

    If I bought "The Chin's" book I would insist that Trigg sign it too. I'd settle for a footprint even.

  • translegalhistorian

    Wow. This incident of a mall populace exhibiting sanity might have been what it would have taken for Bill Hicks to say something nice about a mall.

  • carlgt1

    why does every Palin commitment end up with the word "half"?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Wine coolers, for sure.

  • freddymcmurray

    Boner cream. Er, anti-boner cream, I mean.

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