Some Like It Hypocritical.Back when rat-faced 9/11 pornographer Rudy Giuliani was just another cross-dressing sleazebag New York politician kicked out of his house for banging his mistress, the only two people who would take him in were two kindly homosexual gentlemen. And so, for months, Rudy Giuliani was the third leg of this curious tripod: a supposedly straight, serial-marrying power-mad big city mayor sharing an apartment with two nice gay men — sort of like The Odd Couple + La Cage aux Folles × Richard III. And Rudy promised his friends that if gay marriage ever became legal in the state of New York, he would happily perform the wedding ceremony. Can you guess what Rudy da Rat is doing now? Hiding. Not answering his phone.

The New York Post reports:

“I asked if he would marry us,” recalled Howard Koeppel, the unlikely provider of an emergency Midtown crash pad to Giuliani for six months when his marriage to Donna Hanover was crumbling and Gracie Mansion was a war zone.

“He said, ‘Howard, I don’t ever do anything that’s not legal. If it becomes legal in New York, you’ll be one of the first ones I would marry.’ ”

Ten years later, Koeppel is distressed that his former house guest hasn’t returned the many calls he began making before the legislation was passed last week.

Thanks for popping back in the news, Rudy, during this summer of Bachmann/Palin/Gingrich idiocy, to remind us that you are truly America’s #1 Asshole. [NY Post via Monsieur Grumpe]

(Note: While the City of New York still makes it very difficult for “anyone to officiate a wedding,” because of the Wedding Officiate Industry of part-time rabbis and reverends and judges who pocket a lot of cash for 15 minutes of generic inanity, all mayors of New York have the curious legal authority to perform marriages both during and forever after their term of office.)

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  • memzilla

    Rudy hates Cuomosexuals but loves Teabaggers. Weird, huh?

  • Lucidamente1

    "Rudy Giuliani was the third leg of this curious tripod": what a nice way of calling him a dick.

  • nounverb911

    Ann Coulter to be "Best Man"?

    • franco_pinyon

      Hahahaha… Yes!

    • And Breitard the Maid of Honor.

      • LesBontemps

        Scott Walker the Koch-ring bearer?

      • SayItWithWookies

        Poor Andrew — always an asshole, never a bride.

        • CZL

          We just need to pressure Riley into popping the question!!

          • horsedreamer_1

            How can we expect Riley to bite the pillow and present the ring on it?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Rudy Giuliani still being dickishly dickish.

  • edgydrifter

    9/11 changed everything. EVERYTHING!!1!1!

  • mavenmaven

    He now will only agree if the marriage can be done Catholic.

    • nounverb911

      Needs more annulments.

    • Negropolis

      So, one of them has to be (non-showing) pregnant?

  • LesBontemps

    A real NYC mayor would have given them crabs.

  • jus_wonderin

    I am not sure. Is that skirt to short?

  • franco_pinyon

    Rudy looks a little too pleased with himself in that photo to be an opponent of gay marriage.

    What an issue-whore.

  • "Rat-faced 9/11 pornographer Rudy Giuliani "


  • StarsUponThars

    Hand fulla gimme, mouth fulla much obliged.

  • gullywompr

    "I now pronounce you nine and eleven".

  • bloodandirony

    Note the weasel-words "first ones I would marry," not "yes, I will officiate for you". No doubt Rudy has delusions that he could still be viable in GOP politics and doesn't want to get any of teh gay on him.

  • edgydrifter

    Funny how fate bites you in the ass every now and then when you make bold promises that you can't imagine will ever have to be kept. As the silky-voiced bard Mr. Green might opine, "ain't that some shit?"

    • PsycWench

      Or better yet, roommate ->Rudy: "Fuck You!"

  • Goonemeritus

    He to busy trying to compose a wedding service that mentions 9/11.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Well, nobody's perfect!

  • I wonder what Rudy’s answering machine message is like?
    *Cue some cheesy flash back music*

    Hi. This is Rudy the man who single handily saved New York City from the terrorists on 9/11. I can’t come to phone right now because I’m either killing Bin Laden again or rehearsing for an off, off, off Broadway production of Spring Time for Stalin. Leave a message after the tune!

    *A few measures of 9 to 5 from Dolly Parton plays…. BEEEEEEP!*

  • widestanceroman

    And these guys are 'distressed' by the total lack of integrity NOW? Have they not paid one iota of attention over the last 10 FUCKING YEARS?!?

    They stupid.

  • MozakiBlocks

    I'm sssssssooooooo glad to know that I'm not the only one thinking this. I still feel like I need a shower though.

  • Oblios_Cap

    He's just doing it "his way".

  • maybe they could tell giullani that they'd like him to conclude the ceremony by beating a homeless person with a plumber's wrench – you know, sweeten the pot for the rude boy.

  • fuflans

    now is the winter of our discontent
    made glorious summer by this sun of new york.

  • bureaucrap

    The Odd Couple + La Cage aux Folles × Richard III. — FTW!!!!!

    Someone needs to tell Rudy — obviously his pollsters aren't — that he stands about as much chance of getting the 2012 presidential nomination as he has in joining the rockettes in his normal office attire (pictured above).

    • bureaucrap

      Alt text win too!!! Nice work!

  • Are we surprised? Rudy the Weasel in his Easter bonnet.

    And let's not forget that it was not so many years ago that Giuliani was on his knees blowing-up Bernard Kerik (now a resident of the Feral Prison System). First Rudy put his boy Bernie in as NYC Police Commish, and then after 9-11 pushed Kerik as the God all freakin' mightiest terrorist defender. Rudy's a total weasel – 110%er.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It doesn't count as a broken promise because Giuliani never thought the conditions where he'd be called on it would ever come to pass. Same reason that putting the terrorist response command center on WTC #7 wasn't a bad idea.

  • DaSandman

    I really find this 2 faced ferret looking rat bastard a disgusting piece of work. He should be tacked to the cross alongside Beck on movie night.

    I hope the gentlemen in question have a long and happy life together. But start choosing better friends, guys.

  • Radiotherapy®

    The couple was double cross dressed.

  • Crank_Tango

    By the power vested in me by the state and city of 911…
    seriously, by what authority could he marry them? I guess just anyone can perform a wedding ceremony these days, huh.

  • So is he a Rabbi or Reverend or whatever you have to be to marry people?

  • Schmannnity

    He forgot to mention the caveat: first he has to be ordained a priest, and even the Catholic Church is too debauched for that.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Rudy checked out of the Y.M.C.A. and can’t be seen at the drag races no more.

    • Fare la Volpe

      He joined the Navy.

  • jus_wonderin

    Not totally Off Topic:

    I have been so busy lately and I am finding it hard to do my 911 shopping. Sure, I pulled the tree and decorations out of the attic; so I am ready there. Though, I can't seem to find my Ground Zero scene with all the first responders. I am still looking for that. Maybe I stuck it in a 911 fruitcake tin.

    But really, it is just difficult to do the shopping, decorate, get the invites out and plan the festivities like I did only a few years ago. Age, maybe? Iron deficiency? More excercise? Colon cleanse?

    That reminds me to get the kids special outfits to the cleaners. Oh, and pick up a flag bandana for Fluffy.

    I will be really pissed off if Mom regifts my present from 2010.

    • V572 [SSAN]

      What about the family letter?

      "Cody graduated from the Fire Academy now and is officially a first responder. We're so proud! Lance is recovering from the flu and we're sure he contracted it during the cleanup…We're planning our Ground Zero visit weeks ahead of time this year, because we don't want to get caught in the last-minute rush again…"

    • Geminisunmars

      I'm working really hard to get this all done ahead of time. After all this is the 9/11/11 – and 10th anniversary and all. The malls will be crazy by August.

      • Seriosuly, the 9/11 Porn will be off the charts crazy in the media this year because of the anniversary.

        • GOPCrusher

          It just won't be the same without President Obama dragging Bin Laden's corpse behind his war chariot through downtown Manhattan.

    • Get your 9/11 shopping done ASAP. Those assholes on 5th really tighten up their returns policies for anything bought after July 4th. You need a receipt AND a sample of Joe Lieberman's DNA.

  • e_z

    9-11…9-11…Butt Buddies…9-11…9-11……

  • neiltheblaze

    It's a pity, because obviously Rudy would fill out a wedding dress really fetchingly.

  • MissTaken

    Oh thank God Rudy is back in the news. 9/11 is just around the corner and I didn't want to miss out on the annual "It's the Great Mayor, Charlie Brown" special like I did last year.

    • AJWjr.

      It's a real shame that Vince Guaraldi isn't around to write the score for it.

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    I guess if "less progressive than Wall Street" is a goal, then rudy9011one achieved it.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    “He said, ‘Howard, I don’t ever do anything that’s not legal. If it becomes legal in New York, you’ll be one of the first ones I would marry.’ ”

    And you believed a politician and an adulterous politician at that, and are surprised that he's a lying two faced rat?

  • YasserArraFeck

    Giuliani R(odent)-NY

  • DemonicRage

    Who takes this guy seriously any more? Who are those 6 people, and where do they live?

    • SorosBot

      CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN, the New York Times and the Washington Post.

  • LesBontemps

    How is that different from last/every year?

  • From the "I'll leave my wife soon, I swear! Then we can be together!" school of liars.

  • user-of-owls

    That's a colossal no-brainer there: He'd eat the host of that grotesque show Man vs. Food. After the episode was filmed. As a snack.

    • sezme

      Ha ha, speaking of no-brainer, you're thinking of Chris Christie, the fat-fuck Governor of Jersey. I was referring to the closeted former Governor of Florida.

  • but does he know how to use them?

  • PubOption

    Spend several days in a tanning booth, and then run as an independent.

  • For Rudy, "if it becomes legal in New York" meant "when hell freezes over."

  • zhubajie

    "Americas #1 Asshole."

    There's a lot of competition for that title!

  • Negropolis

    You have to admit, he once had the legs to run for president. Those gams go on forever. He coulda' been a contender…

    Seriously, why would anyone want to be married by him, anymore? I'd be ashamed to even admit that.

  • Negropolis

    Unisexuals of the world, UNITE!

    We're here! We're alone! We…well, kinda got use to it.

  • Negropolis

    "Howard, I don’t ever do anything that’s not legal…"

    Says the fucking mayor of NEW YORK CITY. Bwahahahaha! You don't get elected the mayor of a city that big unless you do something illegal.

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