Take heart, angry war fetus! The cranky olds of the Ohio House of Representatives have imaginary-heard your testimony and finally passed their “Fetal Heartbeat Bill,” an unconstitutional law that prohibits abortion after six weeks. In other words, this was a law passed “for fun,” as it has no chance of becoming actual law. Here is something funny, tho! Governor John Kasich’s budget proposal cuts Medicaid spending by 30%, state aid to municipalities by 25%, and education by 11.5% after federal stimulus funds expire, which means while all of Ohio’s poor slobs go sick and stupid from these budget cuts, politicians still get to use taxpayer money to employ lawyers to lose at defending their dumb law.
These lawyers will ultimately lose because Roe V. Wade still means abortion is legal up until 24 weeks no matter how much Jeebus weeps himself to sleep every time a woman misses out on one of those sexytime back alley abortions, but GUESS WHO STILL WINS? Maybe the politicians who get to go around to their batshit insane pro-lifers constituencies and claim they are the most PRO-LIFE CANDIDATE EVAR? Yeah, those guys.
From Reuters:
If enacted, the law would be a challenge to the U.S. Supreme Court’s 1973 Roe v. Wade ruling which upheld a woman’s right to an abortion until the fetus is viable outside the womb, usually at 22-24 weeks.
Republican Ohio House Speaker William Batchelder said he knows this bill will face a court challenge.
“We’re writing bills for courts,” he said.
The bill now goes to the Republican-dominated Ohio Senate.
In America, we no longer write bills “for people,” we just write them “for courts.” Screw people. [Reuters]
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Trig looks like hell these days.
Or is that Track?
Budget fixed!
As an Ohioan, I haz a sad. Kasich is a douchier douche than Walker, if that's possible.
As an Ohioan, it may time to get the fuck out of the state for a while; at least if you have a uterus.
Nozzle to Nozzle.
In better news: Right now there is a parade in downtown Columbus being lead by a semi-truck full of SB5 repeal petitions.
I'm getting tired of these juvenile arguments between Ohio and Indiana, over whose legislature has the bigger dicks.
How are those job making bills coming along there Ohio congresspeople?
Hmmmmmmmm?
So fetuses have hearts. That's one thing Kasich and co. will never have.
Roe v. Wade means nothing with this SCOTUS. I'm sure the "originalists" are champing at the bit to kick Roe to the curb…just like they are working to overturn a century of rulings so we can go back to the 1800s.
Kennedy was one of the swing justices on Planned Parenthood v Casey, which upheld Roe but weakened it; so for now there should be only 4 votes to overrule it. That's not to say that isn't in danger though, and if Obama should lose in 2012 Kennedy might get replaced by an even more right-wing justice as happened with O'Connor and Rehnquist, plus Ginsburg is old and in fairly bad health.
Unless either Roe or Wade are a corporation, the current SCOTUS won't touch it with a ten foot pole.
So if you need a heartbeat to be a person in Ohio, does that mean we can abort Dick Cheney?
More dead in Ohio.
And what does this have to do with the evil forced birth movement getting their way in Ohio and passing this horrific bill designed to oppress women?
They tried that when he was born, but he strangled his parents with his umbilical cord and pure spite.
Youse louses gonna loosificate:
Generic Republican Candidate 46%, Obama 42%
Generic's not running in 2012. You have to choose one of the numerous Ass-clowns the GOP has offered up.
And what does this have to do with the evil forced birth movement getting their way in Ohio and passing this horrific bill designed to oppress women?
Shhh, Noman's a wittle cwanky. It's time for his nappy-byes.
He's had such a busy day of jacking off, Cheeto-snarfing, jacking off, writing Red Dawn fanfiction, and jacking off. This trolling's got him all tuckered out.
Hey, don't bad-mouth Cheetos! That's serious stuff!
57 states.
60 states
57 visited
2 skipped
1 more to visit
60
Check that out! Obama's even DUMBER when you take that "57 states" and add the dumbness of Noman!
His dumbness could become infinite with a few more Republiunatics!!!1 LETS GO PEOPLE!!!
ALTERED STATES RIGHTS!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ONE!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dick Cheney said Obama would be a one term president. And he's been wrong about absolutely everything. Hooray! Four more years.
By the end of the year, santorum will be on the lips of every young Republiklan.
Fine, Ohio. So when are you going to pass a bill helping to support all those babies after they come flooding out of mama's wombs, eh? Oh, right, every fetus is sacred; once they're "people," not so much.
Prolife. From conception to birth.
They are sacred as long as they don't unionize.
That's OK … if a former fetus ends up brain-dead, the fundies and conservatards will be back to protect his or her Constitutional right to mechanical ventilation, as the founders intended. It's just during that pesky in-between stage that they don't care about your health, education, or welfare. (But at least you get a gun, which is helpful.)
Today we are all angry war feti.
Next up, four-week abortions will only be available in Ohio on Tuesdays. Next up after that, Tuesdays will only be available in Ohio during months ending in "z."
More likely, four-week abortions will be available once every fifth week.
You can get an abortion in the first six weeks, after a mandatory seven week waiting period.
Next up: legislation that directly challenges Brown vs. Board of Education. Aim for the sky, right? Maybe women's sufferage could go down next.
Off-topic.
Something about this asshole cyclops just makes we want to blind him with a fire-hardened sharpened stake.
I don't want to steal his sheep, though.
Yes you do, for the socialisms.
That word you're using. I don't think you know what it means.
No, it's completely on-topic when we are tallking about Republicans passing bills designed to challenge landmark Supreme Court decisions that only bigoted monsters like you could oppose.
There is actually a right-wing douche on that other site I frequent that advocates scaling back on women's rights.
My new bumper sticker: "Abort them all, let god sort them out."
So legislation is forthcoming that will increase funds for birth control and sex education so that abortions will be much less in demand….right?
….and for an improved economy so that women who would like to bring their pregnancy to term know that they can support the child when it's born.
As though knowledge and adequate care ever solved anything. No wonder the liberal movement is out to sea. Of course the solution is the time-tested and conservative one: a judiciously-applied combination of ignorance and prayer.
And entrails examining. Always, always, the entrails examining.
Let's talk about fetuses!
Wankette is off-topic, hiding from the obvious signs that Barry is on the way out.
"A generic Republican candidate now holds a four-point lead over President Obama in a hypothetical 2012 election matchup. It's a fifth week in a row that the GOP candidate has been ahead and the widest gap between the candidates to date. "
You seem to conveniently omit the second half of that poll.
Every time Obama is stacked up against a specific Republican, he wins every time. And unfortunately for you, specific candidates are the ones who race elections.
It must be terribly soul-crushing to be so consistently wrong.
The fundamental issue is that poll respondents don't like Obama.
By the time the election rolls around, libunatics will have shot their wad and voters will be tired of their irrational hatred.
No, the "fundamental issue" is that people would rather vote for a fantasy than for an actual living person.
And in case you never noticed, this is usually the case.
Fantasy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P36x8rTb3jI
Honestly, it's probably not even worth engaging with someone who needs to cite Rassmussen "systematic right-ward polling bias while its founder offers right-wing commentary in his spare time" Reports to make his claim. An average of 3.9 points of systematic polling bias for Republicans means that a 46-42 split for "Generic Repubican" actually means GR and Obama are polling roughly even and Spanky's fully of shit.
That's because there is no such thing as a "generic" Republiklan candidate. Only the criminally insane stand a chance of winning the Republiklan nomination.
Too bad the repubs don't have a generic republican candidate; just a crop of freaks and brain-stems.
I dunny, Pawlenty is just about as generic as a human being can actually get, while actually being alive. There are slabs of granite less generic than Pawlenty
Walnuts needs to lay off the Botox. That pic, yarbles.
"Lennon was a closet Republican: Assistant"
http://www.torontosun.com/2011/06/28/lennon-was-a…
…And?
Haha, unsourced rumors about dead John Lennon from 30 years ago. Highly relevant to this topic!
Yeah, the guy who wrote Imagine was a closet Republican. Sure, pal.
Oh yeah, Lennon was a big supporter of conservative causes. Remember his hit song, "We could have won Vietnam if those pussy liberals hadn't cut off funding for B-52 bombing missions." Yoko Ono co-wrote that one.
Yeah. Lennon especially loved Nixon and that whole attempted deportation thing.
Imagine there's no Noman
It's easy if you try
No clue what he's up to
What's with this fucking guy?
Let me guess. Martin Luther King Jr. was a Republiklan too?
Being curious, I checked out the front page of the Toronto Sun, and it looks like it's nothing but a tawdry gossip rag about as trustworthy as the National Inquirer; and, according to Wikipedia, it is modeled after its British namesake, a tabloid which combines celebrity gossip and right-wing propaganda with 0% credibility.
Nothing beats the accuracy and fairness of Wankerette headlines, a great place to get libunatic yapping points.
They're writing bills for votes and cash, not the courts.
And let me say that it goes without saying that those heartbeats mean absolutely nothing after birth (also).
Well, next they can pass a law to repeal Federal Child Labor Laws. Then the little urchins can be put to work in the coal mines.
Does Kasich have a heartbeat?
Where do I apply for the back alley abortionist job, the only job the Reeps can create?
If you put "conservative aborted fetus" on the ballot in Ohio, it would probably be their next governor.
Or inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame.
You know, Republicans have by and large become so retrograde that, while the rest of us march forward to expanded freedoms (i.e., NY SSM), they will just keep on going until they mentally find themselves in the 1880s, where they can happily end their terrible lives.
As much noise as these shitty state GOPers and teabaggers make, aided and abetted by the likes of Bachmann, santorum and shit-eaters like Steve King and Gohmert, they really are ultimately in the minority, and US America will continue to improve. These are last gasps. These feculent assholes are not raging against the dying of the light, rather they are raging against the arrival of a new enlightenment.
Yeah, I know — my optimism is probably misplaced.
A little optimism goes a long way these days, so I thank you for it. I try to remind myself that the 'right' is like all cornered beasts: at their most dangerous.
Oh, where would we be without an occasional shining beam of optimism?
Judging by demographic maps of diabetes, life expectancy, warming climate, etc, the conservatard southeast is gonna die sooner and more painfully, not to mention having their homes and towns devastated by hurricanes, floods, and tornadoes.
And the conservatard olds retired to the southwest are gonna be baked and parched like so many buckets of bulgur, so there's that to look forward to.
All bad things must come to an end. That's where my optimism comes from.
The rightiest of the rightmost tend to be pretty old and the youngs have the internets to corrupt their little souls, no matter how narrowly they were brought up.
I'm so glad I no longer reside in buckeye crazytown. I can't even do snark on this topic, it just makes me so mad. A chick would be lucky to realize she was late and get a doctor's appointment within six weeks of conception, ferfuckssake. Of course a zygote-embryo-fetus-parasite-thing tried to kill me last week, so perhaps I'm especially hateful towards fetuses and Rethug assholes today. Nah, I always fucking hate fetuses and Rethugs.
You're missing the point; he knows HTML, man. Red bolded words are unassailable.
It's the new all-caps.
We can't fight against all-caps, and we don't stand a chance against this new doomsday font.
It doesn't HAVE to become actually law. There are plenty of people who believe that the US House repealed the healthcare reform.
Yet another cunning stunt by the Ohio legislature.
they're a bunch of
running cuntscunning runts!What's the difference between a juggler and a chorus line?
Or a girls' track team and a band of pygmies?
Jesus would just be so proud of the things that Republicans do in his name.
Oooh — so the courts are basically going to let this bill be born, then before the head is finished coming out, stab it in the medulla with a pair of rusty scissors?
That's a funny way of putting it. At least it's kinda funny, if you're not an Ohio taxpayer.
Never mind about abortions, did Ken leave that banhammer lying around somewhere, Kirsten?
*wistfully looking off into distance* There was once a simpler time when the wages of repeated thread hijacking was virtual death.
Yes, when the rage monkeys were quietly euthenized, (sometimes not so quietly), by the great bearded omnimind.
Those who demand tolerance
and respect for diversity of opinion
the most from others
rarely exhibit the traits themselves
See, the thing is, the first amendment protects you from the government telling you to shut up. Our Wonkette is a community of largely like-minded individuals. Anybody may participate in this community, but there cannot be realistic expectation that somebody diametrically opposed to the basic ideas we generally share will be greeted with an outpouring of upfists. We all respect your right to have differing opinions, but, in this forum, have no obligation to respect the opinions themselves. And, since we are not the government, we can and will tell you to shut it.
I don't mind some of the trolls. The ones who actually try to argue and make points, or convince us that conservatives are right, those I don't mind. The ones who insult us are kind of entertaining too. It's when they run out of things to say and get repetitive and boring, that's when I'm inclined to say okay and go away. This one has definitely hit the scratched track in the record (kids can look that up in their history books).
But do not worry, corporations, here's your binky!
Bypassing the traditional process for making laws – or in this case, enacting a tax cut – a proposal that Kasich announced on June16 to cut taxes on investments in Ohio companies was inserted into the $55 billion-plus state budget last night by a House-Senate conference committee.
Don't need no activist legislature currying favor by courting the courts to be writing the legismatation. Curry ain't "Murican no how.
Ohio it’s how you spell Arizona in the North East.
Korn & Bean Cunts?
Ohio, of course, is the state that thought it would be a great idea to invest public pension money in rare coins. Somehow, that one didn't turn out so good.
While Illinois probably has more state officials sent to jail during the past decade than any other state, I'm guessing Ohio isn't far behind.
Obviously, the state legislature isn't worried about stuff like jobs – 'cause they have time for this…
"While Illinois probably has more state officials sent to jail during the past decade than any other state, I'm guessing Ohio isn't far behind.
Obviously, the state legislature isn't worried about stuff like jobs – 'cause they have time for this…"
And what does this have to do with the evil forced birth movement getting their way in Ohio and passing this horrific bill designed to oppress women?
Jesus, you're tedious. BE MOR FUNNIE!!11!1!!
Noman:
Because it's Ohio?
I've asked a lot of people.
Nobody likes you.
Back alley abortionist, the only job the Reeps can create…
No abortion after the first six weeks of pregnancy, huh? I guess these Ohio folks don't realize that abortion can't be performed before 7 to 8 weeks. Oh wait, maybe they do.
It really is too bad that the Right thinks they are living by the Bible. In the Bible, when a woman was pregnant uncleanly (raped, unwed, etc…) they would take her out of town and stone her belly…
What the fuck does the heartbeat have to do with anything, anyway? All it means is that the developing fetus is now pumping blood; that's it, it's still nowhere near being human and most importantly does not yet have a functioning brain, and so can't think, has no emotions, and can't sense anything, it feels no pain.
Just because a bunch of ancient and medieval doctors were idiots who fucked up and decided the heart was the center of our thoughts instead of the brain, leaving us with a bunch of metaphors which equate it with love and emotions in general, doesn't mean it's anything more than a bunch of muscles evolved to move blood and its' development is still no more significant than that of our liver, lungs or kidneys.
Since Cheney doesn't have a heartbeat does that mean we can abort him in Ohio? Pretty, pretty please!!
I've seen billboards saying "unborn babies have fingerprints at 5 weeks" (or whatever the number was). Presumably to make the heartbeat ones sound less stupid.
"Tax cuts for the wealthy will create the jawbs that this asshole of a bill will not. "
And what does this have to do with the evil forced birth movement getting their way in Ohio and passing this horrific bill designed to oppress women?
Poopyhead.
(And yes, poopyhead is always on topic here.)
Obsession with poop is OBVIOUSLY always on topic here.
Is that your good Sunday shaming finger you're wagging at us??
Your mom's gonna kill you when you get that thing all covered in poop, in here!
Hey Mr. Downfisty I know you’re a proud Ohioan and a conservative so why did you downfist me for comparing your state to Arizona. I would think you would see it as a complement. And furthermore now that you are back on and Trolling to your hearts content why are you still randomly downfisting at all. I can only assume that all your previous rationalizations for your behavior were simply bull shit.
It is getting harder and harder for right-wing, nutball governors and state legislators to compete for headline space. The competition is growing by the day. It's like watching a promo for the WWF to see who can get farthest out on the thinnest limb of the nuttiest of the nut trees.
It's cool that he calls himself "noman". It works on sooo many levels.
One eyed, like the dick he is.
I like feta.
How come these guys are so concerned about fetuses? They could give f* all about the kids once they're here.
We have universal energy and education already, and have for a long time, so they wouldn't "follow" universal healthcare.
We have universal energy? GREAT! I guess that woman was right about not having to worry about putting gas in her car any more. It's great that the federal government also pays for electricity, natural gas, and heating oil, transferring the costs to the wealthy.
And I'm delighted that I can stop paying for my kids' college educations, that's fabulous.
You're a fount of knowledge.
Did you even read what I wrote there? I guess you think you're clever by pretending I said something that I didn't, and then discrediting what I didn't say. Note that the word free is not in my comment, dipshit; and we do have universal free education up until 12th grade anyway.
Possibly you are unaware that public K-12 education is funded 90% at the state and district level. Curriculum, graduation requirements, class length, NCLB measuring, etc., are also set by the state and district.
In the state in which I reside, I can move between districts, choosing to pay more or less for public education.
Public K-12 education definitely does not currently match the libunatics fantasy of universal.
Hopefully you'll do better than Pro-Life did in his run in Idaho. He lost, so apparently the whole state is an abortion.
I wonder if the issue of exactly how they plan to enforce this was brought up. A special ultrasound police squad?
this is only tangentially related, but this put me in mind of 'children of men' and DAMN that was a fine movie.
clive owen is pretty fine too.
Yeah, it was pretty good. Especially when clive kills that guy with the car battery.
That is a lie.
There are more than 50 states that vote in Federal elections, because the U.S. has territories, such as Guam and Puerto Rico.
Go ahead and admit Obama was right….
Guam and Puerto Rico are states? Thanks for correcting me. I thought they were territories.
Muslim Canyon: You can rent a camel to go down into it.
Burqa not optional…
I'm intrigued by this "universal clothing". It feels a lot like those sci-fi shows from the 60s. Does this mean we get to pick someone to design a uniform that we all wear? I hope they don't choose yellow, I look like shit in yellow.
Don't take the red shirt, because that's who always dies first in the landing party.
Life begins at erection.
Bravo!
I'm so mad, I could spill wine on Glenn Beck.
that was awesome
Guess what statement will cause the bill to be rejected by the courts? "We're passing bills for the courts."
If the only reason you passed a bill is to fuck with the legal system, the legal system will notice that, you dipshits.
Wait, wait… When are my groceries coming?
Felons and the mentally ill are legally prohibited from owning firearms due to the "Marxist" federal gun laws.
Obamunism is a form of religion.
Prostrate yourself towards Washington, D.C., five times per day, chanting:
Obama akbar!
Obama akbar!
Obama akbar!
Obamunism is a form of patience. Weary, weary patience.
p.s. Does your mother know you're a douche?
p.s. Does your mother know you're a douche?
"*Sigh* yes, I know. I've been trying to recreate that preternatural freshness ever since Noman slid out the old hoo-ha…"
Shouldn't have dropped it so hard on its head.
just look at all the hatred espoused on wonkette.
How can I squeeze them if they aren't here?Are you just a random text-string generator?
If you want to find out how long until something comes, try squeezing it.
The long pause between "fifty" and "seven" was there for emphasis, not because he was tired and lost his place.
Did you know that Obama is the only president stupid enough to have to use a teleprompter? Bush never used one, ever!
You can't really be Neilist, because I see two comments in a row without a discussions of guns.
I used the word I meant to use.
But no hate here. Your taste in bad taste is different from the prevailing temperament, but teh funneh is always there, and you are thus redeemed. And apparently chastened after the Giffords thing.
I find it amazing that the Left rails against "Big Oil" that gives us inexpensive energy, rails against "Big Pharma" that gives us inexpensive innovative new drugs to prolong our lives, but fully supports and demands huge subsidies for "Big Abortion," whose entire existence is based on the business model that makes huge profits by killing unborn babies.
Where are all the cries about obscene profits from the abortion corporate mills that are in existence solely to make profits at the expense of the innocent who can't defend themselves.
Today's teens will be so surprised when they try to use the plastic hangers!
You were funnier on the Eleanor Roosevelt and dida accounts.
Needs really small grips, I should think.
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