Overhyped reality neutron starlet Bristol Palin continues to grift across the country shilling her new book about doing whippets on the backs of snowmobiles as a toddler growing up in Alaska, so we know at least one person in America still has a job. Oh look, and she has appeared on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show because her mother works there! We imagine several hundred young ladies will be very excited to get Bristol Palin’s book for Christmas this year from those same creepy Hannity-fan uncles who obsessively forward Tea Party emails to the rest of the family.
Hannity asks Bristol Palin about date rape, which is terrible and awkward. Bristol also makes fun of Meghan McCain, because Meghan is blonde and was not a teenage mother like the other cool kids, but then also weirdly she mocks her for being another unemployed grifter whose only income is the result of being famous idiot offspring.
Bristol dodges the only question anyone could possibly “care” about, which is “will your mindless grifter mother ever end our hollow agony and tell us whether she is running?” The answer is, probably she will say something in 2026. Until then, buy their family’s books.
Oh yeah, and Bristol and her mom will be at Mall of America tomorrow signing books if Sarah Palin does not also decide to quit that, so HUGE DISS TO MICHELE or whatever this means besides “Sarah Palin and her children want your money, give it to them.” [Fox News]
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Seeing a Palin late at night (UK time) makes me want to tear up my passport and stay out of the United States forever out of sheer terror.
Pity us
American Xceptionalism is fearsome to other nations, as you have demonstrated.
USA! USA!
Just think of her as Fergie, minus the talent.
I could accept that for Bristol, but Mom Palin seems to have the potential for real harm.
She'll quit halfway through.
"Mom Palin seems to have the potential for real harm."
All the more so because (I can hardly believe these words even as I type them), there are people here who are registered to vote who think she should be President.
Just come to California and don't venture inland of the 5 Freeway and you'll be fine. We may be surrounded by mexicans who want to burn our christian homes, with fire, for passports, but we still be toking and banging each other and making beautiful mixed babies. What's not to like?
Actually, I am leaning towards Oregon. I don't like the sun too much.
Of course, limey, we should have guessed. You probably like good public transportation and fine liberal education too, damn you. (And you'll stay for the food.)
I do like all those things, curse my obviousness. Also rain and my honey who lives there though.
Today is June 29th. As I type this at midday, it's 62 degrees, overcast, and drizzling here in Portland.
On the plus side, we do have the world's largest bookstore (Powell's), microbreweries, and lots of coffee shops.
All of those things sound just about perfect, but my honey is there so barring actual running lava or her moving to Arizona not much in the way of weather would dissuade me.
Sometimes, when I see a Palin on a plane, and they identify as such, I get a little nervous.
Is Bristol there to pick up her Mother of the Year award?
That's a damn fine blingee. I think I'll celebrate by having some wine coolers and begin to write a memoir on how life is so unfair and other stuff.
I am living my life wrong. I somehow got a job after college and kept it. I never did remember to have a child out of wedlock, and to make matters worse, my mother's crazy but not a hate filled shrewish monster whore.
I hope you don't wake up with your sheets "askew"
Who's minding the Meth Lab?
Levi, perhaps.
Is that the name of her latest kid?
I'm sure if Sean had a penis, he would've fapped it plumb off by the end of taping.
But he would respect her in the morning. Also he would send her a cask of wine cooler and a bunch of flowers because he's a gentleman.
…because he's a gentleman."
No, he's not! You're thinking of civilized behavior! Hannity would send her an autographed dvd of the movie he made with the hidden sexcam.
Before or after he gave her lice?
Bedbugs.
No, really.
Oh, he has one all right, it's attached to someone else, but he has one.
Hate is such a strong word. But yes I really really really Hate them both. Good Day
Aw, it's bring your daughter to work day.
Seems slightly low on Bieber, or however you spell that flappy headed kid.
The kid that is always turned right of the wind?
"Oh yeah, and Bristol and her mom will be at Mall of America tomorrow"
What happened to jury duty?
Sarah quit.
Judge quit. Didn't want a Fox News/Glenn Beck blood libel shitparade on his hands.
"Sarah quit."
And lied.
It's a real toss-up over what will make me toss my cookies first; that roller coaster or LouSarah.
Bristol & Sarah are the new Paris and Nicole. Reality tv stars. Attention seekers. Famous for being famous. Lacking any substance or real ability to contribute. Spouting stupendously nonsensical word salads. Ultimately meaningless to the lives of most Americans.
*And, yes, I realize this comparison is unfair to Paris & Nicole.
The only difference is, Paris and Nicole were rich to begin with. Not that that makes any difference in the scheme of things, really.
And to be fair, neither Paris nor Nicole claim to be capable of running the country. Which I think means they're both more self-aware than Sarah.
Also, my salad is starting to get annoyed.
How apropos. A set of big, fat, ass-kissing lips on that blingee.
But who's using whom?
"All of them, Katie."
This meme should not die out. So useful!
On American television not very long ago, Ed Murrow interviewed Albert Einstein. I now leave without comment.
nao i haz a sad
While at the same time on American television Howdy Doody was joking with Buffalo Bob, and stereotypical indigenous American Chief Thunderthud was saying, "How, Little Peanuts," to the kids in the Peanut Gallery.
And meanwhile, somebody's probably doing something worthwhile or interesting on PBS or Al Gore's podcast thingy.
So in the end, it's all the same.
Howdy Doody would not have been a viable candidate for public office back then. Today, he'd be a front-runner among the 'baggers.
A "real" American indeed.
Only difference is now the Kochs prefer the strings of control be a little less visible, whenever possible.
Also, the Peanut Gallery would be yelling "Show us ur titz" at Princess SummerSpringWTF.
I'll personally go to the Mall of America and leave a huge load of poo by the Hooters if this stupid bitch makes the NYT Best Seller list.
This gives me the idea (don't ask me why or how) that we need a Geo-Poo game. All you need is a GPS, transportation and bowels full of poo.
Though, I am not at all sure where to shart.
Don't ask how I know, but someone is already on it…
http://www.poopsenders.com/
Start loading up now. WorldNetDaily is probably buying them by the boxful.
if your antics make meghan fucking mccain look classy (or at least less loathsome) by comparison then, man, it's really time to take stock and get your life straightened out.
She also makes Megs look intelligent, well informed and in touch with the real world by comparison.
My God, she really is just like her mother!
Hannity interviewing Bristol –I wonder if anything could beat that for breathless, pointless vapidity — maybe Lara Spencer interviewing Pippa Middleton? Jay Leno interviewing Drew Barrymore? A bottle of soap bubbles interviewing Sarah Palin?
"Tonight, for the hour, on Larry King Live: Loni Anderson!"
Ah, Larry, come back!
Three words: Soap Bubble Libel.
More fun with Seannity
"Sean also loves John Wayne Gacy, and look Obama said 57 States!!!"
~
A very close second was Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity talking with Ann Falter about what a media whore Anthony Weiner turned out to be.
I saw the soap bubbles. They were very incisive. They got in her eyes and made her cry.
Typical soap bubbles gotcha moment.
PALIN [re: Megs]: I do things for myself, you know. I've had a job since I was really little. I don't know if she does stuff like that, I don't know if she goes out hunting and fishing and stuff like that.
Bristol, honey, grifting off your mother, whoring yourself out as a spokesperson for abstinence after you've popped out a kid, extorting Levi for a little ass cash, and shaking your hairy butt on national TV like an epileptic bonobo does not qualify as "having a job."
Your move, Meghan, also.
I love you man!
Now then! Comparing Brisdull with any bonobo, much less an epileptic one is very disparaging to all bonobos. Having seen them in action, they are really pretty laid back and mellow for chimpanzees and much more intelligent and far more ethical and moral than anything that came out of Snowbilly Griftettes' plumbing. Except for Trig, Trig has more class than the rest of the family squared. But back to bonobos; Brisdull would have to really work out intellectually and ethically to get to their level.
It may not be 'a job,' but apparently, it's a living.
Giving jobs is not the same as having a job.
Oh, well, shit.
"I don't know if she goes out balling teenage boys in tents and getting pregnant and stuff like that."
There's lots of crap you don't know, honey. Lots.
Probably Meg knows about birth control.
"shaking your hairy butt on national TV like an epileptic bonobo"
"She's presenting like a mandrill!"
— MST3K, Space Mutiny (also famous for the Bulk Manmuscle meme)
Sarah Palin and her children want your money, give it to them
It's time some Wasilla League of Bible Backwater squatters started spilling about this godforsaken viper-bitten spawn. After all, Christian yokels, the real sign of deity-worthy piety is giving your kids names straight from the bible's cast of characters. Out of her entire brood, only Sarah herself can claim this honor — and that's the name of a woman who laughed out loud in God's [or some angels'?] presence at the notion of her conceiving/ giving birth to the child of her equally-oldgeezery husband Abraham…
…We'd all be better off if Lou Sarah had done the same as her namesake. God would not have shut her up, he'd admit she was right to stay barren.
Are you saying we're stuck with her for like 900 years? I'm not OK with that, not at all.
I would expect that if you hung around the bars and coffee shops and massage parlors of Wasilla you'd hear a lot of Palin family stories. Levi's written a book. Shaily Tripp has a website and may do a book some day. Probably there's a village atheist or ten who could be persuaded to tell scurrilous stories in exchange for MD 20/20 and a share of the royalties.
Here is the best sentence ever uttered by a human being, a true Zen Koan:
" I just wanted to note that we come from two completely different worlds. Her dad is a politician and my mom is a politician."
The student then turned off the TV and was enlightened.
Derp!
That's nearly a Ken Zoan.
What is the sound of one hand slapping Brisdull?
Did Sean have a tent ready for her?
No doubt he made sure there was an ample supply of Bartles & James in the green room. If Sarah hadn't drunk it all last time she was in-studio, that is.
I'm sure World Net Daily is right now clearing warehouse space for however many copies of this piece of shit they have to buy to get it onto the best seller lists. Say hello to their next free giveaway with subscriptions.
I like the "neutron starlet" there. That would mean that Bristol is made out of a form of degenerate matter which is the second most dense form of object in the universe (beaten only by black holes), which seems right.
Or perhaps neutinos, since with her nadda is the operative word?
"…Bristol is made out of a form of degenerate matter…"
Doesn't fall far from the tree.
Ok, I'd just like to apologize to every sensible human being in the world for the Palins foisting themselves on us all..
DAMN YOU MCCAIN!!
And right after that, she starts filming her new reality game show, "Clubbing the Halibut"
I'm waiting for Track (or Truck or whatever the fuck his name is) to start his reality TV show called "Who Wants To Fuck My Sisters?"
Filmed live on deck on the Cornelia Marie.
That comment was so fully of win that it's weeping win.
The contestants will perform feats of skill and strength.
The winner gets to fuck Brisdull.
Then all the other contestants get to fuck Brisdull.
Is the theme song "Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?"
Overhyped reality neutron starlet
Overhyped reality neutrino starlet – fixed
KBJ, to follow up on JackObin's comment above, it should be neutrino star, rather than neutron. With neutrino, like Bristol, essentially there is nothing there.
Well at least she didn't have to eat "street pizza," if you know what I mean. Although maybe she did anyway because she wanted to.
"eat "street pizza," if you know what I mean."
Whaddya mean?
Time for WonketteMart to re-open – we need competing "Team Bristols" and "Team Megs" t-shirts.
Here is why Bristol is one of the few Merikans with a job. http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Bridge-Comes-to-San...
How do you compete with $12 a day wages?
Let's see one of them Chinese steelworkers write a book that the teabaggers get all hot and bothered about, and cough up $12 for a single copy. Hah! Who's laughing now?
How many of these books will SarahPAC buy?
All of 'em, Katie!
Lordy, forgot about SarahPAC. This book will be on the best seller list for years. Thanks for donating, rubes!
Shorter Sarah and Bristol Palin: Damn that Michele biotch! She cunt-blocked us both.
~
I wish it didn't have so many pages as my computer desk is a bit wobbly and I want to shore it up.
I was going to wait for the Lifetime Network movie, but the book is always better.
The super-deluxe gift edition of Bristol's book comes with a bottle of Ripple, an eight pack of home pregnancy tests, and a GED.
“Sarah Palin and her children want your money, give it to them.”
Harumph!
Sarah Palin making a documentary called "The Undefeated" is like Anthony Weiner making a documentary called "The Unaroused."
Lulzed out loud, I did.
Isn't that redundant?
Uhhhhhhh — I'm confused.
Sarah Palin cut short her "bus tour" because she has jury duty.
But Monday she went to Iowa where she spent all day Tuesday preparing for the premiere of her "documentary," then, she'll be at Mall of America on Wednesday.
What happened to the jury duty thingy??
SHUT UP COMMIE!!!!!!1111!
Thank you OR I've been scratching my head over that myself.
"What happened to the jury duty thingy??"
Oh, how I'm going to enjoy this:
SHE QUIT!
*ahhhhhhh!*
I need a cigarette after that.
Very afraid. Most of them are running for higher office…
With ignorance a proud plank in their horrifying platforms.
I'm thinking of buying one for my 13-year-old daughter as a what-not-to-do guide. She really dislikes Sarah Palin, though, so maybe not.
I am reminded of wise words from those vintage songsmiths who sang the immortal words….."If I had a hammer….."
Did I read this right? Is this Sean Hannity guesting on the latest episode of "16 and Pregnant"? Or is it "Are You Smarter Than A Meth Addict"?
Instead we must bear the load of her neutron star density. Do ya think Fermilab could create an anti-bristol? That would give her a bang like she's never seen.
Kristen Boyd Johnson: You write "Grifter" like it's a bad thing…
But she was so rude to Bristol when she didn't want to spend time with her! Because if there's something that recently out-of-college young adults just love to do, it's hang out with sixteen-year-olds.
Breitbart often does.
I thought the best question Hannity asked was "Just how many more of these wine coolers do you need to drink before you put out."
"Doing whippets"?!?!?11??!!?
Looks like Santorum was right – human-canine sex will be the next big thing.
Not the dog kind of whippets.
It's a colloquial spelling of "whip-its" = chargers for whipping cream = nitrous oxide.
So, since the only reason someone that is not employed by FOX News or Dick Morris goes on Hannity is because something terrible is about to come out about them, and they need the softest interview possible, just what has our dear Bristol done? Is her Meth Empire about to be taken down (Hannity "Bristol, you can share a lot with the kids of today about the dangers of drugs") or is she knocked up again (Hannity "Bristol, I am so glad you have decided to choose life again.") Place all bets.
I'm going with preggers with biracial (urban) baby or she's coming out of the igloo.
She took the LSAT and passed. Which is bad because that means one is not really that ignorant.
If I were only a science teacher! Watching these people interview themselves again and again in the incestuous FOX echo chamber would make for a great way to teach kids about inbreeding and autosomal recessive disorders.
You know who else gets drunk and appears on Hannity?
Hannity?
Most of them. *sigh* Katie.
Tom DeLay.
His wife?
Audiobook narrated by Keith Richards
Given the author's love of wine coolers, I thought it would be fun to have the old guys from the Bartles and James commercial read the audiobook and end the recording with "and thank you for your support."
"Audiobook narrated by Keith Richards"
Which would have the benefit of making it impossible to understand.
Does the noise in my head bother you?
I was going to make a joke about Meagan's boobs but I'm just so tired.
"I was going to make a joke about Meagan's boobs but I'm just so tired."
Aw, well, if you like boobies (far be it from me to assume), just lay your tired head down on those fine pillows of hers.
Who hsa the baby book? Let's paste this one in so we can look at it later and smile.
Anyone afflicted with a copy of the book should immediately peddle it on Amazon, so as to siphon off the teatard money that would otherwise end up in the Palins' pockets.
What do y'all have against nutria, anyway?
Did Sean stock the green room with wine cooler?
I was looking at the blingee, and I could swear that I kept seeing the word "sexy." I don't get it. The only two people in the blingee are Hannity (barfity barf barf) and L'il Grifter, proud ghostwritee of "Diary of a Teenage Slut."* So where's the sexy?
*I think that was the name of the "book"; it is so hard to keep up with the ever expanding Palin memoir oevre. Who knew they would be so prolific at owning the copyrights to books**, when they have never actually, you know, read them?
**owning the copyrights to books; note, not at all the same as the writing of books.
"Hannity asks Bristol Palin about date rape, which is terrible and awkward. "
I think that pervy weasel really truly was being a journalist for once. In that I think he really did want an answer to his question. An answer that did not leave out a single fap-worthy detail of her oh-so-yummy "stolen virginity" experience. Oh, yeah, tell me more, Brissie, baby!!!
Perhaps knows too much about date rape?
"In that I think he really did want an answer to his question."
More of a how-to guide; no point in wasting money on eight wine coolers when five will do the trick just fine.
How long before Bristol does her first porno? She's already had her first plastic surgery. And Mama Grifter's allowance ain't gonna last forever…
So who looks after her kid while she's running around? Who looks after Trig, for that matter?
Just a guess…That tall fence Todd built?
No, I doubt it.
That book of hers is a milestone in American Literature. Every high school class should read and discuss all the chapters in it, but especially the chapter where Levi Johnson takes advantage of her when she is drunk. You know who was weeping up in the sky, when that occurred.
Satan? Or Santa?
Hitler?
Zelda Fitzgerald?
Luna?
So we're saying Bristol Palin is kind of a numb-skull and unaware of how ridiculous her life seems to people outside of her family and her mother's supporters?
Well, that's a shock.
Not to be one to rush to the defense of Meghan McCans, but the woman at least pretends to work at a real job, one that doesn't involve lying on her back and downing wine coolers.
The Daily Beast is Tina Brown's Internet Tendency, & employs Meghan.
SarahPalinUSA is the Halfguv's. & gives h/t to Bristol.
I don't know which is worse.
Easy: the one where the nepotism is more blatant.
Possibly she has better taste in hooch.
Affirmed!
It's hard to avoid the conclusion that Mama Grisly lets Brisdull parade around because it makes herself look serious and dignified by comparison.
"It's hard to avoid the conclusion that Mama Grisly lets Brisdull parade around because it makes herself look serious and dignified by comparison."
Too bad it's not working. Too bad it hasn't occurred to Mama Grisly to just actually be serious and dignified.
Bristol: Ooops! I was trying to make the father of my child sound like a cad (because that's what's best for my baby!) but went to far and wrote out a date-rape scenario. My Bad!
there is not much 'there' there is there?
There is more life and spark in a Cabbage Patch doll's eyes.
Yes. Wet. 20 years in the area cured me of all fondness for moisture.
Palin's brood has fewer scruples than the Children of the Corn.
How I hope that is true.
Mike Judge's "Idiocracy" is rapidly becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
"Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species."
"Help! I'm talking and I can't shut up!!"
What would happen if you brought Bristle and Glenn Beck together?
My wife works at the Mauled of America and she is not looking forward to the Palin infestation.
This book teaches us teenage girls consider wine coolers an aphrodisiac, so the sale of wine cooolers will skyrocket amongst the horny teenage boy demographic.
Okay, I was gonna make a snarky comment about Bristol just being proud because this was the first time she'd been in a room with a man for that long and not taken her pants off…
But "Hannity asks Bristol Palin about date rape" WHAT THE HOLY FUCK. no. Sorry. You do NOT get to speak on behalf of all the women who have been date raped. Getting drunk and CHOOSING to spread your legs like it's your job (oh wait…) is NOT date rape, and you can't claim so just because it later had negative consequences and you were criticized for it. Not to mention, you are the spawn of a brainless twat of a shedevil who wants rape victims to pay for their own fucking rape kits – which you would know nothing about, since you were not raped! Good fucking christ Bristol, rape victims and especially date rape victims have a hard enough time dealing with the aftermath and the victim-blaming that goes on and just being taken seriously without you attaching your dumbass name to the issue and speaking on behalf of them! So what, your mom wants to make life worse for all rape victims but you, now that you've decided that you want to be one so maybe you won't get called a slut so much for CHOOSING to spread your legs? This just infuriates me. It's all the idiocy and hypocrisy and lying and attention-seeking and manipulating and double-standards that we've seen from this whole family since McCain unleashed their shittiness on the country, but this just takes the fucking cake. Go smoke some more meth you worthless twat (god knows you can stand to lose the weight), or go decide to speak for prostate cancer patients. God knows you have as much reason to speak on behalf of them as you do on behalf of rape victims.
Sorry, done ranting now.
That's it. They're officially working for SATAN now. It's the only explanation.
Sean is just betting on the sure thing. Like we said in back in southern party college, "if she smokes, she f*#ks."
Sean realized that scouting report is far more accurate in this sense, "if she had an out-of-wedlock kid with a high school hockey player, promotes abstinence, had plastic surgery and later claimed medical necessity, and is the daughter of a 1st rate media whore, then she definitely fucks old white dudes who will put her on the teevee." Sean Shoots, Sean Scores! Five Hole!!
"Hey, Sean – wanna go camping?"
Ah, except for the honey part, I was going to recommend outer Marin County (like, Inverness), which is so full of ex-Brits you have to worry about what side of the road to drive on (oh, they're also high).
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