Teevee MILF Learned Hard, Gross Way Not To Sleep With NY Pols

  not that anyone is surprised

Sirens woo woo BREAKING NEWS update: did you know that 1960s New York City was dirty, and Hollywood actresses have sex? In a detail from her upcoming book that was surely picked at random, not to promote the book whatsoever, Florence “Mrs. Brady” Henderson reveals that she got the crotch crickets this one time she sexed New York City mayor John “Poor Man’s Roger Moore” Lindsay, and it was as foul and sleazy as you would expect. Typical dirty New York liberals:

“I was lonely. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do,” writes Henderson, who was married at the time.

Henderson returned home after the romp. When she awoke the next morning, she spotted “little black things” crawling over her body.

Henderson immediately called a doctor who helped her get rid of the tiny parasitic insects also known as pubic lice.

Lindsay, ever the politician, sent Henderson flowers and an apology letter.

[NY Daily News]

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112 comments

    1. BloviateMe

      Yeah but he was thinking of Bobby the whole time, I bet. I never trusted that Sam bastard. Enjoyed hacking up meat and talking with the kids just a little TOO much.

      1. BeWoot

        Barbara Billingsley once served me milk and cookies … while the Eddie Haskell guy was behind us, hitting on some local girls. I swear this is true. And I will always cherish the memory.

    1. ifthethunderdontgetya

      How about an @Pete Hoekstra?

      Mrs. Brady getting crabs from Mayor Lindsay is just like when the Khmer Rouge forced the people to leave the cities and live in the countryside, resulting in the deaths of between 1.4 and 2.2 million.
      ~

  1. edywin2

    And John Lindsay was…a moderate Republican! Whoohoo! Just another reason to run a primary tea party candidate against his rotting corpse.

    1. SorosBot

      A moderate Republican who switched parties to run for President when the racist former Dixiecrats began to take over the party with the dawn of Nixon and Reagan's southern strategy.

    1. V572 [SSAN]

      Pretty low bar you've set there. Like saying, "Well, at least Dane Cook is funnier than Carrot Top."

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      If you ever get your chance with Michele Bachman, I hear she likes it when you turn her over and drive.

  2. BarackMyWorld

    There was that hinting that Betty's husband was going to leave Rockefeller to work for Lindsay. I can totally see Henry Francis pimping out Betty to his boss.

    And then she turns into a diamond-telepath and kicks everyones' asses.

  3. catchtheflava

    I hear Lindsay got 'em from when Shanker and Quill gangbanged him.

    God, but THOSE were labor unions!

  4. littlebigdaddy

    Keep those Shakes the Clown references coming…we could be on the verge of a meme!

    1. bumfug

      "Shakes the Clown" had the best movie-poster slogan ever: "The Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies."

      1. not that Dewey

        That raises more questions than it answers. What is the "gone with the wind" of alcoholic clown movies?

      1. V572 [SSAN]

        Which would mean that Leonard Cohen gave them to Rebecca de Mornay. Where does it all end?

  5. BloviateMe

    The crabs reported they woke up with a case of the Hendersons.

    I don't know who to believe anymore.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    Helpful hint, if you ever have to use the crab cream, make sure you read the directions. DO NOT just apply to the "affected area." Although they prefer the coziness of the groin area, they are not averse to immigrating to the more-lightly-but-still-forested regions of the torso when chemical weapons are brought to bear, as I learned to my regret during my first experience with the critters after my ship left Subic Bay lo these 30 years ago. Thank Christ I caught on before they got to the Viking beard I had going back then.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Join the Navy and Learn a Trade!! Ha! Sleazery and debauchery amongst the various fleshpots of the Orient was what attracted me in my dissipated youth, certainly not the technical training. Who gives a fuck about running a lathe?

        1. catchtheflava

          Maybe the crabs did, but I guess we'll never know now.

          If you had kept them around for long enough, maybe you could have gotten them to qualify as dependents. Hellooo, tax-free money.

  7. Lascauxcaveman

    There isn't one really; just an excuse to use that fantastically hilarious term "crotch crickets."

    1. zhubajie

      It's quite possible to get'em without having any fun. If your shipmate in the next bunk has them, they may jump to your bunk, too!

  8. fartknocker

    Florence was nothing but a cock tease but I did fantasize about lesbian lovefest with her and the Golden Girls. Raquel Welch my friends is definately a MILF.

    Letting the fapping begin.

  9. ingloriousbytch

    Careful Florence. Levi Johnston may invite you over for wine coolers now that he knows you're easy.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    I must say that I have a newfound respect for Mayor Lindsay now. Oh, Mrs. Brady!!

  11. dr_giraud

    the moral of this story? the moral of this song? simply that one should never be where one does not belong

    which is anywhere, banging a Republican

    1. flamingpdog

      If Lindsay were alive today, he wouldn't even be a Blue Dog DINO, much less a RINO.

    1. HistoriCat

      Does FTD have a "sorry I gave you an STD" bouquet?
      Does 1800FLOWERS have a "oops – forgot to tell you I'm married and have 4 kids" arrangement?

  12. V572 [SSAN]

    A lot of people don't know the correct treatment for genital lice. It is as follows:

    1. Get an ice pick, a straight razor, a can of lighter fluid and a lighter.
    2. Shave off half your pubic hair.
    3. Douse the remaining pubic hair with the lighter fluid, and light it with the lighter.
    4. When the lice run out into the shaved area, stab them with the ice pick.

    You're welcome!

  13. Guppy06

    "Lindsay, ever the politician, sent Henderson flowers and an apology letter."

    Does Hallmark make a card for that?

  14. Tommmcattt

    I never saw what the big deal was about crabs. If you give them names they become tiny pets!

  15. jus_wonderin

    "Lindsay, ever the politician, sent Henderson flowers and an apology letter."

    Who, in their right mind, would take receipt of the letter after the first "correspondence"?

  16. finallyhappy

    I am old so I don't know if "crotch crickets" is a new term or not but it is funny.

  17. user-of-owls

    Brady' Bunch porn? Ha, surely you jest. Amateur Hour at best. Consider that at the same time, Linc (a Negro, btw) was poking Julie (strung out, btw) who was strap-on poking Pete (ookie that way, btw) on the Mod Squad, and that the incest within the Partridge Family is so lurid and criminal that it's best not raised even here.

  18. Negropolis

    You see? Yet further proof that our elders were some klassy bastards. Well, at least more klassy than we are. I mean, to give both the gift of crabs and apology flowers? How selfless. Us kids, today, will give your skanky asses a shout-out on Facebook, and that's about it.

Comments are closed.