ANTI-HISTORIANS  10:55 am June 28, 2011

Pat Robertson: History Will Reverse Itself To Punish Gay Marriage Law

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Zombie hate turd Pat Robertson has issued his Official Statement regarding New York’s new gay marriage equality law, and it is not pretty. Is everybody ready? Here it is: history’s immutable cycle of birth and decay and the periodic rise and downfall of each and every human civilization is hereby canceled, because from now on, owing to the New York gay marriage law, all the 100% straight-mandatory civilizations will get to stay, and the non-gay-hating civilizations will perish forever. 

From Right Wing Watch:

“We’re heading that way as a nation. In history there’s never been a civilization ever in history that has embraced homosexuality and turned away from traditional fidelity, traditional marriage, traditional child-rearing, and has survived. There isn’t one single civilization that has survived that openly embraced homosexuality. So you say, ‘what’s going to happen to America?” Well if history is any guide, the same thing’s going to happen to us,’” he predicted.

Pat Robertson seems to think that the Aztecs, the Romans, the Ottomans, the Mongols and the Native Americans were all pretty gay, otherwise they would still be here. [Right Wing Watch]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 258 comments }

RoboGuppy June 28, 2011 at 10:57 am

I thought he was dead. Damn… this ruins my day.

LabRodent June 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

He's Dead inside, Robo.

Ducksworthy June 28, 2011 at 11:09 am

Dang. Great minds though.

Ducksworthy June 28, 2011 at 11:05 am

If its any consolation, he is dead. But just inside.

ProudLibunatic June 28, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Really.
My first thought: "Isn't he dead yet?"
My second thought: "I hate him with the white-hot heat of a thousand burning suns!"

hagajim June 28, 2011 at 10:58 am

When did marriage get co-opted by Christians? Last I checked it was originally set up to provide stability and wealth accumulation, well before Christianity ever existed. Stupid fucktards. Besides – the gayz should be able to have the opportunity to be as miserable as the straights.

tessiee June 28, 2011 at 6:40 pm

"the gayz should be able to have the opportunity to be as miserable as the straights"

Yeah! Let *them* try to write six slightly different thank-you notes for six identical Mr. Coffees!

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:13 pm

What got the earliest Xtns in trouble was declining to get married!

cheetojeebus June 28, 2011 at 10:59 am

"Zombie hate turd", Need one say more?

RoboGuppy June 28, 2011 at 11:04 am

How about 'closeted zombie hate turd'. Feel free to add.

LabRodent June 28, 2011 at 11:12 am

Conservative Closeted Zombie Hate turd?

cheetojeebus June 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

Conservative zombie hate turd packer with a santorum mustache??

Who are we kidding, this guy prolly hasn't had sex with anyone but himself for decades and he doesn't even enjoy that.

DahBoner June 28, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Zombie Hate Turds are always on the wrong side of history.

tessiee June 28, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Zombies in general, actually.

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Great band name?

Billmatic June 28, 2011 at 11:01 am

The Romans were very gay. They were also child molestors. And people wonder why the Catholic Church coddles boy touchers…ancient tradition, yo.

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 11:15 am

The Romans were actually just as homophobic as Americans were until recently; it's the Greeks who loved boy-touching, and most people mistakenly apply that to both ancient cultures.

Billmatic June 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

There you go again SorosBot, hell bent on destroying the world through facts and humanitarianism.

Fare la Volpe June 28, 2011 at 11:53 am

True. The Romans only tolerated boy-touching if it was a Roman citizen touching his slave. And then only if the Roman was on top during the rape.

Otherwise it'd just be obscene.

HistoriCat June 28, 2011 at 11:57 am

Oh, well the Greeks. You know they had all of that elitist "learning". Except for the Spartans of course. They were real men's men – you know? After all – that's what it looked like in the movie 300. Wasn't it Allen West who spoke approvingly of the movie and the manly men portrayed therein?

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 12:08 pm

The Spartans had very manly, tough soldiers, who were encouraged to fuck each other to bond.

WhatTheHolyHeck June 28, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Well, the Greeks structured it mostly as a part of a more complex mentor/trainee relationship, which ended when the student reached maturity and (usually) married a woman.

Hey, look, the Greeks are still around! Unless the ancient gay is responsible for their current debt crisis.

Rotundo_ June 28, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Pat is probably thinking about their going from empires to "just countries". He either is ignorant or omitting the whole "costs of maintaining an empire" which had a whole lot more to do with the empire surviving long term. The whole "murkin sepshunalism" thing has been a nice run, but thanks to poor planning and greed it's done. The asians are where the money and power reside these days. Then they'll sputter out and it will be the roaches turn for empire. Though they seem to have a pretty good foothold already.

Lascauxcaveman June 28, 2011 at 11:50 am

The Neaderthals were totally gay. That's why we Cro-Magnon dudes got all the hottest chicks. So Pat's like, totally right, on this one.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Check-out Plato, on how the most important part of your son's education was the right older man as lover!

Goonemeritus June 28, 2011 at 11:01 am

One he is full of shit most civilizations didn’t even think it was that strange. And two you could just as easily say there has never been a civilization that embraced televangelists and survived.

Sparky_McGruff June 28, 2011 at 12:06 pm

No civilization has ever embraced Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Shake and survived. Just sayin'.

ShaveTheWhales July 1, 2011 at 3:40 am

Even more simply, there has never been a civilization that has survived forever.

Terry June 28, 2011 at 11:02 am

Without his TV show, old Pat would be writing his manifestos on pieces of cardboard taped to his old broken down car and driving around town all day to spread the word.

BaldarTFlagass June 28, 2011 at 11:02 am

Well, I guess if we're doomed anyway, I may as well go out and have some gay sex.

johnnymeatworth June 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

Good move, I think Pat gets down to the Chain Drive around 9 or so every night.

Fare la Volpe June 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Then he snorts a line of K over at the Cock Pit, shimmies down the pole at the Man Hole, and finishes out the night with a rousing game of "who's in my mouth?" down at the Tight End.

johnnymeatworth June 28, 2011 at 12:38 pm

And then tomorrow night is Uniform Night at the Iron Bear. God really DOES work in mysterious ways!

PeaceWithHonor June 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

No civilization has ever survived, regardless of who they're fucking.

mumbly_joe June 28, 2011 at 11:36 am

That's the thing that gets me. As far as I can tell, wouldn't it be every bit as accurate to say that no civilization that has refused to accept as an equal and equally valid variation of human sexuality has ever survived, either?

Swampgas_Man June 28, 2011 at 4:03 pm

The dinosaurs were totally gay.

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Pat Robertson will not survive, and I highly doubt he's doing any fucking.

ShaveTheWhales July 1, 2011 at 3:41 am

Ah shit, I shoulda kept reading comments

nounverb911 June 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

Isn't the world scheduled to end in October now? So who cares.

DaSandman June 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

Is this that really old vampire fuck from True Blood?

Why doesn't he have a stake in his chest?

Apparently mindless hate makes you immortal albeit really really ugly.

Speaking of which, where's Dick Cheney ?

DaRooster June 28, 2011 at 11:20 am

"Speaking of which, where's Dick Cheney ?"

Don't start conjuring… fuck.

Chillwaver June 28, 2011 at 11:24 am

"Is this that really old vampire fuck from True Blood?"

Well, they don't call it "The 700's Club" for nothing.

DaSandman June 28, 2011 at 12:01 pm

LOL!

BaldarTFlagass June 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

In history there’s never been a civilization ever in history that has… turned away from traditional fidelity, traditional marriage, traditional child-rearing, and has survived.

So, it's Newt's fault!!!

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] June 28, 2011 at 11:04 am

Sodomy comes from a town named Sodom, just like fisting comes from a town named Fist, amirite?

Geez, Pat is looking downright sepulchral these days.

Madfall June 28, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Not fucking sepulchural enough.

Swampgas_Man June 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Wasn't that a spaghetti western, "A Town Named Fist"?

Ducksworthy June 28, 2011 at 11:04 am

Pat, regarding Sodom and Sodomy, please tell us how Lot managed to reproduce after his wife was turned into a salt shaker (no offense meant to any surviving shakers).

BaldarTFlagass June 28, 2011 at 11:06 am

Ain't them the ones that make the nice hand-crafted wood furniture?

Dudleydidwrong June 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

Lot's wife became useful with the invention of the margarita, so Lot was able to impregnate her once her work at the local cantina was finished for the evening.

mavenmaven June 28, 2011 at 11:58 am

Not a happy answer, but I guess one that's ok with most of Robertson's followers- he impregnated both his daughters. "uh, but at least he weren't gay"

elviouslyqueer June 28, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Well, the complete answer would be "impregnated both his daughters after they got him stinking drunk." But you're right, because "Getting dad drunk and then incestuously raping him" just screams wholesome family values.

mavenmaven June 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm

he said she said :)

Pithaughn June 28, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Lucky for them they did rape, otherwise the SCOTUS would outlaw this thread.

not that Dewey June 28, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Saline-Americans?

baconzgood June 28, 2011 at 11:05 am

WRONG Pat! All civilizations collapsed because of their lack of Silly Puddy technology….Think about it.

Barrelhse June 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm

You mean like the newlyweds who confused vaseline and window putty? and all their glass fell out?

donner_froh June 28, 2011 at 11:05 am

Pat, just cut to the chase:
In history there’s never been a civilization ever in history that embraced homosexuality and turned away from traditional fidelity, traditional marriage, traditional child-rearing, has survived.

Fuck you and your Amerikkkan exceptionalism.

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

NO NO lalala I can't hear you America will last forever and it will always always be the most powerful and bestest country in the world~!

Pithaughn June 28, 2011 at 2:41 pm

If the gay don't get you then the imperialism will. Pat does not understand how to determine cause and effect. There were plenty of "civilizations" that were neutral regarding who played with who under the blankets, but there are no civilizations that survived as imperialistic adventurers. The US style of imperialism is sold to us as the one true way to be imperialists, but to the folks where the rubber meets the road? The new imperialist is the same as the old imperialist. I doubt the rebel fighters in Libya give a rat's ass about the status of gay marriage in NY. However, the tacit US support of Quaddafy all these years is something they will never forgive us for.

GuyClinch June 28, 2011 at 11:06 am

Fetid corpse Pat Robertson: Still utterly irrelevant after all these years!

nounverb911 June 28, 2011 at 11:07 am

When does the tsunami take out Virginia Beach?

EatsBabyDingos June 28, 2011 at 11:13 am

Soon as the Canary Islands collapse, which will be at 2:14 pm today.

weejee June 28, 2011 at 11:14 am

Or perhaps program a drone to club the 700 Club?

LabRodent June 28, 2011 at 11:07 am

Getting Married is sooooo Gay.

Lascauxcaveman June 28, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Jimbo: (Seeing Lisa and Nelson kissing) "Dude, you're kissing a girl! That is so gay!"

Ohforcripessake June 28, 2011 at 11:08 am

Too bad Jesus wouldn't make an appearance on Pat's show to tell him what's what. What a hateful sack of shit Pat is.

fartknocker June 28, 2011 at 11:10 am

I didn't watch the video and I won't. The last thing I need is some bible thumping turd telling me how I should live. And worse is that he sticks his nose into the straight versus gay argument. I don't care because I just the couple to be happy. Pat, go sell some bumper stickers and Jesus bobbleheads while your pandering for money.

And show us your tax records and demonstrate your giving your proceeds to something more valuable than an I-Pad app called "Pat's favorite Jesus sing-a-long songs." You're nothing but fucking used car salesman – your more dangerous because you think you have some special spiritual power because of the tee-vee.

Ducksworthy June 28, 2011 at 11:16 am

There's good money to be made in blood diamonds.

Mumbletypeg June 28, 2011 at 11:11 am

*sigh* Another day, another Marion[nette] in the news.

Geminisunmars June 28, 2011 at 12:30 pm

It was great that he traded one sexually ambiguous name for another.

EatsBabyDingos June 28, 2011 at 11:12 am

Needz moar Charles Taylor blood diamonds. What a blob of gelatinous maggot-vomit, but I mean that in the nicest way!

BaldarTFlagass June 28, 2011 at 11:12 am

Yo, Pat. "Embracing homosexuality" is not the same as "being tolerant." One thing I cannot personally tolerate is intolerance.

EatsBabyDingos June 28, 2011 at 11:21 am

I hate hate and myself for hating it. My new nickname is SID: Standard Issue Democrat.

ArmoredBore June 28, 2011 at 12:34 pm

There are two things I can't stand: Intolerance… and the DUTCH.

ManchuCandidate June 28, 2011 at 11:13 am

China. Cough.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Yes, quite friendly to gay sex, historically!

DaRooster June 28, 2011 at 11:14 am

So you can't reproduce from gay sex? How will we ever survive? 'Cuz we know there aren't enough people havin' passels of kids.

philpjfry June 28, 2011 at 11:14 am

It seems odd to me that God will destroy america because we want everyone to be equal and not discriminated against, but he seems to be OK with us declaring war against the rest of the world, punnishing poor people for being poor and just being hatefull to one another. God has strange priorities.

baconzgood June 28, 2011 at 11:22 am

Don't think just send Pat a check! K?

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Well, we are discussing the same deity that picks one football team over the other on Sunday afternoons in the Fall.

fuflans June 28, 2011 at 11:15 am

and yet, the pride parades went by without a hitch.

Doktor Zoom June 28, 2011 at 11:44 am

Yeah, but God sent floods to Minot ND as punishment.

Maybe I should start a TV ministry and solicit donations to buy God some glasses.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 28, 2011 at 11:15 am

Someday the Westboro Baptist Church will be protesting and screeching outside the funeral home where Pat's corpse is laid out.

And I'll laugh.
~

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Be better to Rick-Roll them while wearing a sequined Speedo.

BaldarTFlagass June 28, 2011 at 11:16 am

Spanish Conquistadors?

widestanceroman June 28, 2011 at 11:16 am

Rejoice ye mighty gays, and bring on the Crisco Inferno!

jus_wonderin June 28, 2011 at 11:25 am

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified,
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side,
But then I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew stong
And I learned how to get along
And now you're back
From outer space,
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon you're face,
I should have changed that stupid lock,
I should have made you leave your key,
If I'd known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me.

widestanceroman June 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

Now I'm gonna be chair-dancing all day–and I know I'll get spotted eventually.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 28, 2011 at 11:16 am

A plague.

For instance, a plague of religious hypocrites.
~

elviouslyqueer June 28, 2011 at 11:16 am

No no. God damned America.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:26 pm

With people like Pat Robertson!

EatsBabyDingos June 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

You are not saying that with profound sorrow in your heart. Thanks for making my day!

baconzgood June 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

Civilization? Seriously? Have you been to East New York lately Pat?

Schmannnity June 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

Irrelevant much?

EatsBabyDingos June 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

Cornholio works, too, also.

MildMidwesterner June 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

Pat Robertson is such a butt f*cking pole smoker.

DerrickWildcat June 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

Yes, and the Rev,. Jeremiah Wright is the radical one.

BaldarTFlagass June 28, 2011 at 11:18 am

Guess Noman will be weighing in with some lame "5700 Club" joke here momentarily.

Or did I beat him to it?

horsedreamer_1 June 28, 2011 at 11:25 am

You're a regular Jonas Salk. (I'm the other guy.)

Bigger than Rod June 28, 2011 at 11:36 am

Nomo is beating himself at the moment in anticipation of the homosexual embracers here, if you know what I mean.

Noman June 28, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Is no man bothering you?

Slim_Pickins June 28, 2011 at 11:19 am

Sounds like ol' Pat is on another Jihad.

Chillwaver June 28, 2011 at 11:21 am

"But Obummer said there were 57 states!" What? Sorry, I know it's not related to this, but that's all I've seen today, on every board, every site. Seriously, does anybody under 65 still listens to Pat?

weejee June 28, 2011 at 11:24 am

57 Sauce. Barry was asking for Kerry Heinz 57 Sauce for his dead beastwich.

donner_froh June 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

Even if Obama had said there were 157 states he would still be a smart, articulate person while all the right wing assholes are still just right wing assholes.

Noman June 28, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Is that you Joe Biden? Don't forget to mention that he's clean!

metamarcisf June 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

If by 65, you mean I.Q., then no.

proudgrampa June 28, 2011 at 12:16 pm

"Seriously, does anybody under 65 still listens to Pat? "

Unfortunately, he is the reason I had to take away the checking account from my 96-year old Mom.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:31 pm

The over-65s vote, though.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 28, 2011 at 11:22 am

Pat has done more for the Atheist movement than anyone else.
Carry on Pat.

PsycWench June 28, 2011 at 11:22 am

Which is why Massachusetts, the state with the longest tradition of gay marriage, has had multiple earthquakes, tsunamis and floods.

Schmannnity June 28, 2011 at 11:32 am

Well, it did have the Bulgers.

RedNM June 28, 2011 at 11:35 am

Don't forget all those wildfires in the Berkshires

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 11:41 am

But it has something even worse: Red Sox fans.

Negropolis June 29, 2011 at 12:34 am

I wouldn't so much call them "fans" as I would a militia or an organized gang.

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 11:23 am

The Goths?

riverside68 June 28, 2011 at 11:53 am

And the Vandals. (Not to be confused with the Vandelles, although I'm not too sure about them either.)

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I don't think you can confuse Alaric with Martha.

jus_wonderin June 28, 2011 at 11:23 am

Pat seems to ignore that civilizations/empires have a limited shelf life anyway. Can anyone locate our Use By date??

FlownOver June 28, 2011 at 11:23 am

Health care? Education? Clean air & water? Honest pols?

Screw it – where'd I leave my ladder and that rope?

horsedreamer_1 June 28, 2011 at 11:24 am

Wealth aggregation?

baconzgood June 28, 2011 at 11:26 am

3 Bucks is a pretty good price.

metamarcisf June 28, 2011 at 11:28 am

It's time Pat underwent a below the belt, bottoms-up review.

natoslug June 28, 2011 at 11:28 am

Yes, but the very-very old tend to linger forever. Or what feels like forever.

freakishlywrong June 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

Right wing propaganda masquerading as a news channel?

Doktor Zoom June 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

Here's a fun question to ask Believers:

"So, can you give me an example of something that you and God disagree on?"

mrblifil June 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

Pat's avid focus on the ways and means of the gay community is hard to ignore. Perhaps he should start exploring some sort of outreach initiative.

spinozasgod June 28, 2011 at 1:00 pm

oh….I think there has been plenty of "exploring" going on……

BaldarTFlagass June 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

Menage a trois, with Falwell.

GregComlish June 28, 2011 at 11:30 am

No modern civilization has been able to survive without Craigslist casual encounters m4mw, mw4w, etc.

Only true bisexuals will survive. All other must perish.

starfanglednut June 28, 2011 at 11:46 am

Misc. romance, don't forget misc. romance.

Fare la Volpe June 28, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Noman June 28, 2011 at 12:13 pm

In order to graduate from high school, students should be required to engage in interracial homosexual encounters.

Only then will we eradicate homophobia and racism.

Fare la Volpe June 28, 2011 at 12:27 pm

You'd like that too much.

Noman June 28, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Racist homophobe!

Fare la Volpe June 28, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Yes, you are, especially considering you find just the concept of interracial sex to be somehow a punishment.

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Your attempts at sarcasm show that you don't really get this whole freedom thing that liberals support, do you?

Noman June 28, 2011 at 12:35 pm

How's that obsession working out for you?

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 1:03 pm

And now you've gone back to just not making any sense.

Native_of_SL_UT June 28, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Still thinking about Weiner's wiener, I see.

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm

But at least he/she took down the gay pride flag. Must be going back into the closet.

samsuncle June 28, 2011 at 11:31 am

Lactose intolerance?

Doktor Zoom June 28, 2011 at 11:31 am

Where does one find a good concubine these days, anyway?

jus_wonderin June 28, 2011 at 11:33 am

Mob controlled construction companies?

El Pinche June 28, 2011 at 11:35 am

Pat is what happens when daddy touches your butthole.

prommie June 28, 2011 at 11:36 am

So he has declared Christian Fatwa?

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Only difference between Pat Robertson and Mullah Omar is facial hair.

SayItWithWookies June 28, 2011 at 11:36 am

I love me some freaky Christian fundamentalists — here are all the normal people wandering around at the scene of a car crash trying to figure out what went wrong — someone says it happened because it was raining and the pavement was wet; someone supposes that the driver was on the phone or otherwise distracted. Someone guesses that maybe an animal was crossing the road and the driver swerved to avoid it. And then there's Pat Robertson, authoritatively declaring that the accident was God's punishment for the driver getting a blowjob from a stranger in a parking lot five years ago. One world, different planet.

Steverino247 June 28, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Well, to be fair, it WAS a helluva blowjob and the driver was remembering it in such detail that the red light ahead could not be seen through his squinting eyes as he masturbated to the memory.

trondant June 28, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Newt Gingrich crashed his car?

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:36 pm

The rhetoric can be entertaining if you don't take it personally. Listen to a lot of preachers and you'll find their rhetoric amazing, and their messages entertainingly stupid. Radio is the best medium: it's far cheaper, so the preacher doesn't have to please as many listeners. Short Wave or podcast is the best of all!

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 11:37 am

White people?

Dudleydidwrong June 28, 2011 at 11:37 am

Thanks for that link. I'm glad that Pat helped us win the war in Korea. (Uh, what's that? We didn't win? Oh, well, at least the officers drank well…)

starfanglednut June 28, 2011 at 11:39 am

And 12 year olds bearing children in forced marriages to gross old men, also too.

Doktor Zoom June 28, 2011 at 11:39 am

Seriously, we are going about this all wrong. Maybe we should start editing Wikipedia to say that there actually are 60 states.

starfanglednut June 28, 2011 at 11:40 am

I'll get right on it.

weejee June 28, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Edit Wikipedia the goto reference of so many Teatard post docs?

BornInATrailer June 28, 2011 at 11:40 am

Die already.

Doktor Zoom June 28, 2011 at 11:41 am

Gojira and other daikaijū?

baconzgood June 28, 2011 at 11:51 am

Mecha King Ghidorah is pretty bad ass.

simplyblue7 June 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

a civilization full of gays is just his fantasy and mine too. Ugh, great, we have something in common.

Fare la Volpe June 28, 2011 at 11:58 am

Feels icky, don't it?

franco_pinyon June 28, 2011 at 11:46 am

Tornados and floods ripping through the "heartland." Arch-conservative Arizona spontaneously combusting. Newly gay paradise New York due for a high of 84 and a little light rain today.

Are you sure you're listening to the right voice, Pat?

WhatTheHeck June 28, 2011 at 11:46 am

Wait. I think he has a point. Where is the ancient civilization of the Amazonian women today?

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 12:18 pm

In the wake of the (atrocious) Amazons Attack! crossover, most have had their memories wiped and are living as normal women scattered throughout the world, with only Hippolyta, Diana herself and a few others remaining on Themyscira; however, the upcoming reboot of the DC universe yet again will probably reset the status quo.

GunToting[Redacted] June 28, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I believe it's on the moon.

tessiee June 28, 2011 at 7:16 pm

My house.
*flexes biceps*
Where beautiful man for snoo-snoo?

oldmayfly June 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

Yes, and then Pat sued the congressman who Did serve in combat in Korea for telling the truth about Pat's "service" when Pat was promoting himself as a "combat veteran." This was when Pat was running for president. Pat lost the suit, of course.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:24 pm

USMC vets I've spoken to uniformly have a very low opinion of Pat! Abandoning your comrades on the eve of battle is unforgivable! It is NOT Semper Fi.

ganmerlad June 28, 2011 at 11:54 am

"In history there’s never been a civilization ever in history that has embraced homosexuality and turned away from traditional fidelity, traditional marriage, traditional child-rearing, and has survived."

In history, no civilization that has embraced heterosexuality, fidelity, man/woman marriage and homeschooling has survived.

Typically, the reason civilizations keep dying is that they are taken over by narcissistic power mad crazies. God really hates them. (Pat, look up! There is a huge anvil heading your way.)

mavenmaven June 28, 2011 at 11:54 am

So is he for or against doing angels?

PsycWench June 28, 2011 at 2:43 pm

For! Did you know Pat Robertson has a tattoo ?

Radiotherapy® June 28, 2011 at 11:55 am

Relax everybody, when Palin becomes president, even fag-states like California and France will be wiped out.

LiveToServeYa June 28, 2011 at 11:59 am

It … is … ALIVE!

Lascauxcaveman June 28, 2011 at 12:00 pm

You just brought back to me a whole flood of memories from when I was living in Hawaii.

HistoriCat June 28, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Too much pressure from barbarians before you can build up your forces? Using cheat codes doesn't count people.

proudgrampa June 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm

We got Fundamentalist Muslims.
We got Fundamentalist Jews.
We got Fundamentalist Christians,
They'll blow the whole thing up for you!

- Tom Russell

Chet Kincaid June 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Thread-killer!!

Limeylizzie June 28, 2011 at 2:16 pm

OT for everyone else, but so T for you, baby. I am reading a book about Americans in London in WW2-of course I am- and there is an amazing description of the Negro soldiers and how they were treated by us Brit women, who found them to be " polite, soft-spoken and self-effacing, that is , much like the British themselves" There is a quote from a wonderful Englishman, working-class-natch- ' I don't mind the Yanks, but i don't care much for the White fellows they've brought with them".

Chet Kincaid June 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm

My Dad was one of those Negro Yanks, an Artillery Sergeant in an (of course) all-black unit. He fought in the Battle Of The Bulge, and I think family legend has it that he was kissed by de Gaulle during some kind of victory review. He wrote my mother some very lovely, formal, rhyming poems while he was over there; I found them in his office when I was a teenager. I wish I still had them, but they're buried in a box somewhere in some siblings' basement now, both parents having passed away.

Limeylizzie June 28, 2011 at 6:05 pm

My Dad fought at Al-Alamein having joined up in 1939 when war was declared, he was 19, fought throughout Europe, had many, many sexytime encounters and met my Mother when he was nearly 40 and she was about 22.

Limeylizzie June 28, 2011 at 6:06 pm

You should try and find those poems, you must be very much like him.

samsuncle June 28, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Chet, I had an uncle that was a tank driver in the Battle of The Bulge. I remember him talking about it and crying one Christmas Day. Turned out it was to be his last Christmas.

Thurman Munster IV June 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm

"In history there’s never been a civilization ever in history that has embraced homosexuality and turned away from traditional fidelity, traditional marriage, traditional child-rearing, and has survived. "

So, that's what happened to the Third Reich.

SheriffRoscoe June 28, 2011 at 12:06 pm

If I recall from the story of Sodom, Lot should have marched his daughters out to be gang-banged by the crowd of homos so as to appease merciful almighty penis-obsessed God. That's so common sense to an evangelical like Brother Pat.

Fare la Volpe June 28, 2011 at 12:22 pm

He knew the homo mob just hadn't met the right girl yet.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:41 pm

He was defending his guests, which took precedence over everything else.

Weenus299 June 28, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Mr. Magoo will not bring me down today. Athens and Europe and China and Michele Bachmann, maybe, but not Pat.

mumbly_joe June 28, 2011 at 12:08 pm

You seem to have forgotten the equally Biblical traditions of women being forced to marry their rapists, guys marrying their brothers' widows, people getting their best friends killed in order to make it with their wives, and also too men offering their daughters to be gang-raped in the streets, and then later impregnating both of said daughters.

Traditional family values!

anniegetyerfun June 28, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Hey, that sounds a bit like that shariah law that I keep hearing so much about!

(Actually, shariah law, as horrific as I find it, does not instruct women to marry their rapists. So, there's that.)

Lascauxcaveman June 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm

The Soviets spent too much on their military and not enough on infrastructure and their oligarchs got rich while everyone else suffered.

Hint-hint.

real_dc_native June 28, 2011 at 2:23 pm

The perils of socialism!

smitallica June 28, 2011 at 12:17 pm

There is not one single civilization in the history of the world that has ever embraced reality television or texting or driving cars and survived, either.

Fuck off and die, you old hateful piece of shit.

Oh, and here's a news flash: Angels aren't real, Pat. And the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is a myth.

flamingpdog June 28, 2011 at 12:17 pm

The death of Kenneth Clark?

mumbly_joe June 28, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I may be a straight guy, but I have to admit, I would totally go gay for Pat Robertson.

And by "for", I mean, "in order to spite".

Noman June 28, 2011 at 12:25 pm

"I may be a straight guy, "

Sure. We believe you.

mumbly_joe June 28, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Sorry to get your hopes up there.

axmxz June 28, 2011 at 12:22 pm

There is no one out there more homophobic than old gay men. Hey Pat, deathbed called – said you've got something to confess?

ArmoredBore June 28, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Yup, the Romans went down because of hot, sweaty buttsex. It had nothing whatsoever to do with an endless tide of Visigoth invasion.

Billmatic June 28, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Frank Miller is that you?

drrty_martini June 28, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Frank Miller would have added "AND WOMEN ARE WHORES!"

elviouslyqueer June 28, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Oooh, oooh, I got this one!

Endlessly unfunny posts from Noman, amirite?

ProudLibunatic June 28, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Broken ban-hammers?

Callyson June 28, 2011 at 3:58 pm

FTW!

Rotundo_ June 28, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Post of the day! I am done, I cannot top this. Take a bow EQ!

Beowoof June 28, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I am sure Pat will have an unpleasant meeting with the almighty upon his arrival. In the alternative his new lord will welcome him to the underworld with a red hot dildo butt secksing

tessiee June 28, 2011 at 6:38 pm

"will welcome him to the underworld with a red hot dildo butt secksing"

Administered by a demon Jerry Falwell in garter belt, pasties, spike heels, and fishnets.

real_dc_native June 28, 2011 at 12:49 pm

There isn’t one single civilization that has survived that openly embraced homosexuality obscene income disparity.

or
There isn’t one single civilization that has survived that openly embraced homosexuality endless wars.

Fixed.

starfanglednut June 28, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Queer and proud here, asshole,

spinozasgod June 28, 2011 at 12:59 pm

why is it taking god so damb long to destroy america? hasn't pat been saying this stuff for years and years and we are still here…geeze it's like watching grass grow…..DESTROY US ALREADY!

real_dc_native June 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm

As George Carlin commented: "When I was young, I used to read about the decline of Western Civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to contribute to."

Turns out all you have to do is accept gay people. Who knew?

Barrelhse June 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm

It's all right there in the bible, the history of Human Civilization.

SheriffRoscoe June 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Along with an encyclopedia of medical knowledge.

Toomush_Infer June 28, 2011 at 1:12 pm

This is all just hearsay – Pat's already gay-married to himself….

whiterabid June 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

More work for lawyers. Huh? Is that what gay marriage is all about?

thefrontpage June 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Is it true that Pat Robertson, Larry Craig, Mark Foley and James McGroovy all get together for "poker parties" three times a week at that "special house" on C Street in D.C.?!! Apparently, Weiner, Spitzer, Schwarzenegger and Lee attended a couple of times, but, well, they just weren't into it.

HolyCow!! June 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Dear Pat,

Your god is fake and operation a scam. You should have been imprisoned decades ago for fraud.

xxo

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Used to be that people that claimed to hear voices would be put in "special" hospitals where they couldn't hurt themselves or others.

Andrew Drinker June 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I'm surprised he's commenting on something that isn't directly or indirectly affecting his side business smuggling blood diamonds.

whiterabid June 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I don't care about homosexuality. I want to hear more about angel raping. Is that from an Arlo Guthrie song?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

But how does he explain the French?

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:44 pm

I don't what he says about the French, but a few years ago he accused the Scots of being 100% gay, because of kilts (and because a scam involving a Scottish bank didn't work out). Most Scots had not heard of him before that.

PubOption June 28, 2011 at 1:48 pm

So, according to Pat, things will turn out well for Saudi Arabia and Iran. Is that the message right wingers want to hear?

glamourdammerung June 28, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Christianity?

real_dc_native June 28, 2011 at 2:25 pm

The Internet?

thefrontpage June 28, 2011 at 2:35 pm

7. The ancient civiliazation of StreiMinGaLiberTaylor ruled over vast swaths of PopCultureLand for decades, and that hasn't died out yet!

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:31 pm

8. Aztec culture survived homosexuality until Spanish Conquistadors came in and had buttsechs with Aztecs while laying under smallpox diseased blankets.

trondant June 28, 2011 at 2:39 pm

No, don't worry. We understand. You're not gay. It's very common for people conservatives to claim that on the internet. Happens all the time.

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm

And Larry Craig has a wide stance.

proudgrampa June 28, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Civilization has survived and will continue to survive. What will not survive is Empire.

British Empire.
Roman Empire.
Babylonian Empire.
Japanese Empire
Great Moravian Empire.

Most empires end badly. Are you listening, America?

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Visit Mongolia and see how much good Genghis Khan has done the average person.

Pithaughn June 28, 2011 at 2:46 pm

The strong exploit the weak instead of protecting them?

Sharkey June 28, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Crossbeams made of balsa wood?

Pithaughn June 28, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Herder and flock, they love that analogy. The sheep don't know where the good pasture and clear water is, so they love the shepherd who leads them. I guess they just gloss over the part where the shepherd fires up the Weber to grill some lamb chops that have been marinating in garlic, rosemary, lemon juice and olive oil, every other day.

Swampgas_Man June 28, 2011 at 3:59 pm

But-but, he can leg-press 2000 lbs after one of his "special shakes"!

ArmoredBore June 28, 2011 at 4:15 pm

God doesn't play dice with the universe. It's apparently more like Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:23 pm

How do they survive?

GOPCrusher June 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I had thought America gave up caring what him and Ayatollah Falwell had to say when they blamed the 9/11 attacks on the gays and lesbians.

tessiee June 28, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Hey, you guys!
I just figured out why the dinosaurs went extinct!

tessiee June 28, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Jeez, why are you even here?
I mean, besides the fact that the question is a slightly encoded form of "Go away, already!",
Why
are
you
here
?
Just out of my own curiosity, what is it that you want?
What benefit can you possibly attain by trolling here?
Are you really that tone-deaf that you don't realize that everybody here considers you a complete jackass, and not even a particularly entertaining one?
Or are you so pitifully desperate for attention that you really don't care?

Rotundo_ June 28, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Fuckin' Expealodocious! Noman will be so jealous of your usage!

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:27 pm

"Ill fares the land, to hastening ills a prey,
Where wealth accumulates and men decay."

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:28 pm

The offense of the Sodomites was against hospitality, anyway. Sex was not the issue.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:29 pm

I sent him Hell money once. Didn't put an address on the envelope, though.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Enthusiastic whore-monger, too. Not to mention pulling strings to avoid combat!

headphase June 28, 2011 at 9:10 pm

The angels were asking for it!

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Speaking seriously for a moment, I am an ancient historian and archaeologist. I can assure everyone that civilizations are very, very, sturdy. Like Sequoias and bristle-cone pines, they out last the millennia. Moreover, all the familiar virtues and vices always flourish. This is what the theologians call "total depravity": morals never get worse, never get better. There are only variations on the theme over time.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:30 pm

The oldest surviving written documents, on clay, 5, 000 years old, include professional moralists whining about how morals have declined, that things were better in the 'good old days,' etc.

zhubajie June 28, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Professional moralists like Pat Robertson (and a mosquito cloud of others) need to keep their donors in a frenzy at all times, so that they keep donating without thinking. But if Pat, et al., condemn popular sins, like gluttony or avarice, they'll lose them. So they concentrate on "sins" that don't actually tempt many people — like gay sex.

Negropolis June 29, 2011 at 12:22 am

There isn’t one single civilization that has survived that openly embraced homosexuality.

What about the ones that behind-closed-doors embraced it?

Honestly, what kind of filth is this? Do they honestly belive that if you don't acknowledge the existence of the ghey that it someone innoculates you against God's ever-present wrath? Do they honestly believe that Christian God's ever-present, x-ray vision can't see into closets?

Pat's so far in the closet, that bastard's finding decades old Christmas presents.

Neoyorquino June 29, 2011 at 12:34 am

Sodom disappeared from the face of the earth, too. Ezekial 16:14 "Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy." (Just sayin' . . . )

Doktor Zoom June 28, 2011 at 11:34 am

Just goes to show how far America has fallen–in some places, they let people marry ants.

tessiee June 28, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Pat's no great shakes when it comes to ant husbandry, either.

HistoriCat June 28, 2011 at 11:59 am

Rick Santorum was right!

not that Dewey June 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Gone back to?

SorosBot June 28, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Sometimes, you can tell what he's trying to get at with his "jokes", though they are always not funny, and often based on ludicrous right-wing memes & conspiracy theories, or racist/homophobic/misogynist etc, or both.

not that Dewey June 28, 2011 at 11:02 pm

This troll has occasionally made me chuckle. It's as though he almost gets it. He could be funny, if he wanted to, but the urge to be an idiotic troll almost always gets the better of him.

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