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The president of Libya is Nicolas Sarkozy.If you had to take a test where you also got to make up all the questions, would you probably still answer all of them wrong? Yes, you would, if you are lunatic Bible-humper Michele Bachmann. A Politifact.com analysis of 24 “Michele Bachmann statements” showed that 23 of those fell somewhere between stretching the truth and utterly insane. Maybe the 6th dimension is actually just inside Michele Bachmann’s mind? In the horror movie trailer of her thoughts, America killed everyone in Libya with a bomb strike Nagasaki-style, the entire U.S. strategic oil reserve is at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico left there by Obama alongside the Newt Gingrich campaign, and the tens of thousands of dollars her family farm received in federal handouts are fictional products of everyone else’s imagination.

What if someone tried some “gotcha” questions on Michele instead, would she accidentally get those right?

From the AP:

The more the political season heats up, the more that exaggerations and sound-bite oversimplifications emanate from the Republicans going after Obama — and from the Democrats playing defense. Still, Bachmann’s record on this score is distinct.

Examining 24 of her statements, Politifact.com, the Pulitzer Prize-winning fact-checking service of the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times, found just one to be fully true and 17 to be false (seven of them “pants on fire” false). No other Republican candidate whose statements have been vigorously vetted matched that record of inaccuracy.

Meanwhile, Michele has never managed to pass a single bill or amendment that she sponsored while in Congress, because who even has time for that these days.

Oh, and UPDATE: Michele still cannot manage to even read the freaking Wikipedia entry on the Founding Fathers, one of whom was not, in fact, John Quincy Adams, who was eight years old when the Revolutionary War started. But she told George Stephanopoulos that he was “involved,” somehow, in the Bible version of American history that Michele once read. [AP/ Politico]

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  • Aide 1: [to Bachmann] Let it go. War's over, Miche. the lamestream dropped the big one… that whole John Wayne Gayce thing.
    Bachmann: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
    Aide 2: [to Aide 3] Germans?
    Aide 3: Forget it, she's rolling.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Bachmann: [pops mashed potato zit; totally wrong page of the script. Like usual.]

  • freakishlywrong

    Won't matter. The LSM has dubbed her as "serious". Overton window moves ever further right as this insane face biter is mainstreamed.

    • ablington

      Haven't you heard? She's an ultra serious Christian Feminist who is exactly awesome.

      • SorosBot

        "Christian Feminist" is a pretty big oxymoron, unless you ignore all of the old testament and Paul's writings.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Nobody puts the "moron" in oxymoron quite the way Michele does.

          • bagofmice

            Sans Oxygen.

        • PostApocalypse

          From now on oxymoron counts as truth.

    • zhubajie

      I can't make up my mind; would she be more likely to usher the total collapse of the US? Or would it be Palin?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I also noticed the Tea Party queen doesn't mind the pork when it comes to her husband's clinic and her in-laws' farm. Her motto should be: Government bad–except when it's lining my family's pocket.

    • That's pretty much the motto of most fizkal "responsability" types.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Certainly the case for Paul Ryan & petroleum subsidies.

    • freakishlywrong

      And Eric Cantor's mutual funds.

    • ArmoredBore

      I prefer the even simpler "Screw yours, I've got mine."

    • Danzig!

      The Club For Growth characterizes subsidy cutting as "de facto tax increases", so Republicans are pretty insulated from this sort of thing. Since the MSM is not really interested in such "dirty" tactics as keeping conservative candidates consistent on these issues, it doesn't really do much good to keep hammering on this supposed flaw.

  • Plowmon

    It's not that she's answering the her own questions wrong as much as she just gets all those darn answers mixed up despite all the practice…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey, for every question there's one actual-factual (and liberally-biased) answer, but dozens and dozens of fact-free teabagger/fundie/wingnut lies and distortions. You can't seriously expect her to keep them all straight.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She'll be a perfect presidential candidate for the Republicans. You go, girl!!!

    • ttommyunger

      A-Fucking-Men!

  • BornInATrailer

    So there are going to be plenty of complaints about her lack of experience, right?

    • GOPCrusher

      It's not like she was a community organizer or a half-term Governor.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Oh, hundreds. Republicans will surely call that out right away.

  • PsycWench

    Now I'm wondering what the completely factual statement was: "I am from Minnesota"? "I am female?" "I am borderline psychotic"?

    • I am a Lizard Person! My husband is a closeted "no Homo" Homosexual. I can't tell the truth to save my life.

      BTW, what do you mean borderline?

      • FNMA

        I think she meant Michele suffers from "borderline personality disorder."

    • BarryOPotter

      "Boerderline?" LIAR!!!

    • CthuNHu

      "I have never been treated for a psychological disorder."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Meanwhile, Michele has never managed to pass a single bill or amendment that she sponsored while in Congress

    Given her tendencies, she probably voted against them all.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Given the fact that she's batshit crazy, it's a safe bet that pretty much everybody else voted them down as well. The batshit crazy faction remains a small one … for now.

  • franco_pinyon

    What do think the Repubs (and Faux News, for gosh sakes) would be saying about this woman's qualifications if she were a liberal?

    • genxr

      Being a liberal disqualifies you from anything. It's their only criteria.

      Republican Party: Are you "us" or "them?"
      MB: I'm "us"
      RP: Okay, you're in.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Faux News doesn't even consider "qualifications" — they go straight for character asassination. The ad hominems outnumber the ads.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Fembot needs software update.

    • genxr

      That's so sexist. Do you have any idea what it's like trying to make it as a fembot in a manbot's manputer's world?

      • OC_Surf_Serf

        Sexist…naw, just Seventiesist from watching way too much Six Million Dollar Man and hoping he'd marry the Bionic Woman.

        (God damn…most of my memes are pre-interntez. I am olds…excuse me while I go buy a off-white Camry and leave the left turn signal on as I drive 43 in the left lane)

  • She is, in so many ways, a perfect Republican.

    I started yelling at the radio (again) when several yahoos from Iowa were going on and on about Michele and how she always tells the truth.

    Truth is Michele's torture victim.

    • ganmerlad

      The first thing I saw when I started reading your comment was:

      "She is, in so many ways, a perfect Reptilian".

    • Then don't read the comments on the Politico article. Apparently Politico is just another lefty media outlet working for Barry and trying to bring Teatard Queen down.

    • user-of-owls

      You can't torture something that has no conceptual or empirical contact with the 'torturer.'

      Now Truth, on the other hand, could potentially feel tortured by all her argle-bargle, but again the first principle obtains.

    • HELisforHEL

      It appears we were both listening to the same broadcast. And like you, I had to scream.
      She's a supreme fucknugget of the first order. How anyone can be fucking stupid enough to think she's a viable candidate is beyond the…wait…oh yeah.
      The christian right. The tea party assclowns. Scared old white people.

      sigh.

    • Negropolis

      Truth is Michele's torture victim.

      Oh, that's good. That's real good.

  • Serolf_Divad

    "No other Republican candidate whose statements have been vigorously vetted matched that record of inaccuracy."

    Oh, Fuck. This means she's gonna be the GOP nominee, doesn't it?

    • PsycWench

      Not if she says she is.

      • genxr

        She's clever. She'll say she's not and she'll be wrong.

    • That is till all the stories about her office lunacy and her husband's creepy "No Homo" "psychiatry" practice start showing up.

      On second thought… you're probably right.

  • PsycWench

    Maybe this is a politically naive question, but how effective is a legislator who never has a sponsored bill passed? Isn't that like someone who reads Wonkette and boasts about it but has never posted any snark?

    • Ahem… downfister… ahem.

    • Minus the reading part. How about, 'someone who once clicked on Wonkette by accident and boasts about it'?
      ~

    • Ramon X

      I frequently boast about reading Wonkette for the obvious social advantages which accrue to my person because of such boasting , but I don't read it and I shall never post there.

      • mog253

        Wait, social advantages???? What am I missing?

        • HempDogbane

          Social advantages begin after you reach 105p. (I'm told) Wouldn't be prudent to tell you what they are. (I wasn't told)

          • zhubajie

            Discount at the Massage Parlour of the Goddess

    • hollywooddood

      An important part of her job is to be the bagger chick standing behind Tammy Faye Boehner for photo ops.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Now PsycWench, don't be so judgmental. After all, sucking the public teat in order to get moneez to subsidize your family farm and clinic operating expenses legislating iz HARD.

    • riverside68

      I represent that allegation!

    • People boast about reading Wonkette?

  • hollywooddood

    Leave Michele alone! It's not okay to insult a candidate for president until he becomes president and then it's okay to insult him as long as he's a Democrat (black). Otherwise it's not okay.

    And she's comedy gold, also.

  • Our Next Pretzeldent, People!

    USA! USA! USA!
    ~

    • Swampgas_Man

      Will she choke on one?

      And how many different ways can YOU interpret that sentence?

    • I can't imagine she'll last long, what with constantly stepping on upward facing rakes and absentmindedly walking off of cliffs. That's what I imagine it's like for her, anyway.

  • Steverino247

    Every new Republican candidate is going to zoom to the top of the polls, which only indicates how bad all the others are. Or how most Republican voters are easily attracted to shiny objects.

    • PsycWench

      Every time I read this I can't stop thinking of this scene in Toy Story 3 (which I've seen way too many times) in which Team Woody meets the daycare toys, and the latter jumps up and down excitedly screaming "New toys!!".

  • freakishlywrong

    From Steve Benen this a.m.
    Host George Stephanopoulos began by noting, “In your announcement you said ‘my voice is part of a movement to take back our country.’ From whom?” Bachmann replied, “Well, from the people all across the nation.”

    Heeeeennngggg?? Can you imagine the flying monkeys response had the Kenyan usurper said that?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      He'd be pilloried in all 57 states with Heinz 57.

      • There are 60 states.

        Dear Leader said he visited 57 states, skipped two (Alaska and Hawaii) due to time constraints, and still had one state to visit. 57 visited plus two skipped plus one to visit = 60 states.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpGH02DtIws

        • BaldarTFlagass

          And a math major to boot!

          Your "57 states" hog-flog is becoming a meme here at Wonkette. Good job!

          • Would you leave him nothing but his teleprompter-myth to cling to?!

        • GOPCrusher

          At least, President Obama will not end the year with santorum on his lips like the young Republiklans.

    • genxr

      This is why we can't have nice things countries.

    • PsycWench

      Stupid mistake or Freudian slip?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Yes.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wrong question.
      ‘my voice is part of a movement to take back our country.’
      "How far?”"

      • finallyhappy

        This deserves many thumbs up but I am prevented from giving more than one

    • riverside68

      [From] all of them, Katie-George and the rest of the coal-fired-lame-steam-media . . . whatever, also.

    • GOPCrusher

      In the last debate, she made the comment that President Obama was not capable of leading America back to being an economic superpower like the other economic superpowers.
      Which led me to think, what economic superpower does she want America to be like? China? Michele Bachmann is advocating that America become a Communist country?

      • zhubajie

        I don't think Michele Bachmann could get anywhere near the top of the CPC. Whatever else you may think of China's leaders, they all have to be smart and cunning, and usually successful at something outside of politics.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Now, it really looks bad that the ONION doesn't have a Pulitzer: "PolitiFact" got one!?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    When Michele speaks, only the Swedish Chef from the Muppets applauds, because he can translate "hune de boren une de skeweren," which means "skewer the stupid"

  • LabRodent

    Im pretty sure if I could convince the Sandwich Lady in the break room to run for the Repub nom she'd have a fighting chance to win.

    • HELisforHEL

      I just said the same thing about our beyond-stupid cat to my husband.
      Seriously, he's an idiot. He doesn't accomplish anything. His world view is limited to 4 walls.
      Oh wait, he's friendly and loving. I stand corrected–that instantly disqualifies him as a repug candidate.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Evil lying vag-thing is evil, and lying.

  • horsedreamer_1

    The cross-bar in the h of Bachmann looks like a strip of bacon. Is Michele pandering to our own BaconzGood?

    • freakishlywrong

      It's representative of all the pork and gubbmint money the bitch gets.

    • AJWjr.

      It's pink and raw, too.

      • horsedreamer_1

        You know what else is pink & raw?

        • AJWjr.

          YES I DO!

          • bagofmice

            And if it's not, Yes we can!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    You mean she wasn't eaten by lesbians?

  • What's worse, a flake or a quitter?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Q: "What's worse, a flake or a quitter?"
      A: Yes!

      Do I win?

      • I'm sorry, but the correct answer is "All of 'em, Katie." Thanks for playing, please try again.

  • littlebigdaddy

    This would matter if the Iowa Republican primary voters were part of the reality-based community rather than delusional diabetic or meth-addled pig fuckers. But they aren't!

    • ttommyunger

      A potent sector of our electorate, witness eight years of Dubya.

    • zhubajie

      It's the Iowa Dems who have the caucuses where everyone speaks in favor of this or that and then vote by walking to different corners of the living room.

  • Steverino247

    All across the nation such a strange vibration
    People in motion
    There's a whole generation with a new explanation
    People in motion people in motion

    For she who comes from Minnesota
    There is no rhyme or reason to be found
    For those who vote for Ms. Minnesota
    You've got as much chance to elect a hound.

  • baconzgood

    I'm not an up fist whore but this needs to be said:

    What the fuck is with this stupid cunt? She's worse than Quitter Snow Bunny. What the fuck is with Minnesota's 6th congressional district? Does she accurately represent you? If so you should check your watershed because it is poisoned with UFB (uber-fucking-stupid). I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU 6th congressional district of Minnesota for voting this fraud. THIS CUNT DOESN'T HAVE THE COMPETENCE TO BE A COAT CHECK GIRL MUCH LESS INTRODUCE LEGISLATION!!! YOU SUCK 6TH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT AND I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

    • Barb

      Wow, we need to switch you to decaf.

    • I'm not an up fist whore but

      WHO HACKED INTO BACONZ ACCOUNT?????!!!
      ~

    • So macho!

      • bagofmice

        And as we all know, your "macho" score is determined by web page postings. Your p'ness, however…

    • freakishlywrong

      You don't happen to work for the fightin' 6th do you baconz? The only time I see you use all CAPS is when you're pissed at some tool you work with.

    • For a sec I thought your comment read '…..GOAT CHECK GIRL' and I disagreed, thinking it was just her speed. Anyway, as you were, nothing to see here.

    • Boy I feel sorry for Dale today.

      • baconzgood

        Yeah I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and then to see her as my first snark…….Things are going to deteriorate quickly in the office today.

    • FNMA

      Personally, I think the people of the 6th Congressional District simply have a very twisted sense of humor.

    • ttommyunger

      …But what do you really think?

    • ChessieNefercat

      "I'm not an up fist whore but this needs to be said:
      What the fuck is with this stupid cunt? …<snip>… THIS CUNT DOESN'T HAVE THE COMPETENCE TO BE A COAT CHECK GIRL MUCH LESS INTRODUCE LEGISLATION!!! YOU SUCK 6TH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT AND I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

      Thank you from someone usually too repressed to yell that much. {curtsies}

    • HELisforHEL

      Nicely put, Baconz. I couldn't agree more.

    • KAVE

      In defense of MN-06 (born, raised and living as an adult – God help me), in the last two elections, more people have voted against her than voted for her (thank you to the douchey 3rd party candidate who is really a Republican). If you really want to know why she gets re-elected, you'd have to see the gerrymandered demographics. Think lots of pro-life Catholics and evangelicals, McMansions and lots of gun-toters who hate books.

      Holy crap. I need to move.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Needs more lutefisk…or maybe all that lye is bad for you after all.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The fact that she has been re-elected twice does not speak well for the average intelligence of the voters of Minnesota's 6th Congressional District. Perhaps the federal government is conducting some kind of nefarious experiment with their drinking water or something up there. Chemtrails!!!

    • zhubajie

      Maybe they want to force her to leave MN for a while.

  • With Mittens & Huntsman splittin' what's left of the rational Repugs, Bachmann could fill the inside straight take control of the Repug asylum.

    / runs from room screaming

  • MARCdMan

    Oh how nice, the GOP has found its Dukakis.

    • Dems have a number of Dukes of Cock Kiss.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Keep trying, Timmeh!

        • SorosBot

          At least, unlike most of Spanky's dada "humor", you can see how he's trying to make a joke, albeit one that's homophobic, not funny and just doesn't work.

          • ganmerlad

            I have a feeling once he finally figures out how snark actually works, he may end up coming over to our side. "The snark shall set you free." I haven't seen any worthy snotty sarcasm from a conservative, so logically speaking…

      • elviouslyqueer
      • bagofmice

        You say that as if it's a bad thing…

    • horsedreamer_1

      I'd like to think of Michele as a cross between Barry Goldwater & Spiro Agnew, with a dash of Perot-Stockdale at its kookiest.

      • Tundra Grifter

        As time goes by, Perot looks better and better. At least he turned the national conversation to serious issues – and he was certainly correct about the decline of quality jobs and the rising debt.

        • horsedreamer_1

          True. But you never knew which Ross you would get on a given day.

          Kind of like the Snowbilly, in that regard. (Manic-depression.)

          • ChessieNefercat

            "True. But you never knew which Ross you would get on a given day.
            Kind of like the Snowbilly, in that regard. (Manic-depression.)"

            Well, Perot was at least reasonably bright, wasn't he?
            Unlike Snowdunce. Sigh.

        • Doktor Zoom

          He also gave us the memorable phrase "a giant sucking sound," which has come to accurately describe our political discourse.

    • Tundra Grifter

      While the former Governor had his faults, I don't recall such a long series of lies, half-truths, and general mis-statements.

    • fuflans

      i can't wait to see michele in a tank.

      • flamingpdog

        I'd better a lot happier if I could see her in the tank.

  • genxr

    As I recall, Trumps retired with a career record of 0 and 1.

    • DaRooster

      Them's all wrong.

  • metamarcisf

    What is even more worrisome is her latest statement in which she claims to have raised "over 250 million foster children per day".

    • zhubajie

      I suspect she was a rather abusive foster mother.

  • Barb

    I think that it's amusing that this woman is so gung ho for the states rights and she can't get her states right.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Where's No Man with the fifty-seven sixty states hoohah?

      • Barb

        Thanks for inviting the troll to my post. It smells of troll urine now. I think Baconz and I should just go out to lunch today and stay out to lunch. Baconz!

        • horsedreamer_1

          I was trying to build up antibodies to No Man. My snark was a vaccine.

          • ChessieNefercat

            Share! Please!

        • SorosBot

          Spanky is very tiresomely predictable that way. But don't worry about the trolling; he's easy to rip apart, and on the troll scale he's on the level of those old plastic troll toys you stick on the end of pencils.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            *surreptitiously hiding my pencil with troll eraser*

      • Above.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Last Sunday (June 26th) Bob Schieffer on "Face the Nation" asked her about this. He quoted the same article, including the "pants of fire" lies, and then gave as a specific example Ole Crazy Eyes saying the Obama Administration had only issued one permit for oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, when in fact it had issued a couple of hundred.

    She blew through that question like a drunken driver through a stop sign.

    What-the-L Michele just doesn't care about "facts."
    http://www.cbsnews.com/htdocs/pdf/FTN_062611.pdf?…

    2.0: Within ten minutes I got downfisted TWICE for this Comment? I would hope a Congressperson would have better things to do than troll Wonkette. No wonder none of her bills ever got passed.

    • GOPCrusher

      Facts have a liberal bias. And are "gotcha" reality.

    • HELisforHEL

      I've been avoiding the Ruin-Your-Sunday Yell shows; did Schieffer actually call her on it? Because it seems he's getting as bad as the rest of our do-nothing-ask-nothing media (who all seem to live in constant fear off pissing off the Murdoch empire, in case they have to work for it someday).

    • bagofmice

      That was actually creepy. It was as if she had answers for questions memorized, and just ran through the next part of the script, oblivious. If only Bob Schieffer had been pithy and held up notecards with the numbers written on each, and asked "Are these numbers equal?".

      Alas, he's not filled with bile and withering sarcasm, which is why he still has his job.

      • Tundra Grifter

        You betcha Bob Schieffer did! I'd been looking forward to that interview all week. Mr. Schieffer does his homework, and is ready for a public figure's pat answers (remember years ago when he ate Ollie North's lunch before the Super Bowl?).

        He's polite, but persistent and knows his stuff.

        Unfortunately, What-the-L Michele is too dumb to understand she didn't answer the questions. Additionally, she generally only goes on Fox for infomercials – she's not really ready for a real interview.

        I sincerely hope we get to see her debate Mr. Obama. That would be a show worth watching!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts.

    • ChessieNefercat

      I can picture Sgt. Friday finally losing his cool with this one. "I SAID, JUST THE FUCKING FACTS, MA'AM! CLEAN THE FUCKING CRAZY OUT OF YOUR FUCKING EARS AND FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! JUST THE FUCKING FACTS! FACTS! FACTS! {whimpering sobs, the facts, that's all I wanted, just the facts, here, you can have my badge; I don't want it any more; shuffles off}

    • flamingpdog

      Just the facts, maa'am. Just the facts.

      If that rule were enforced, that would shut her up real quick.

  • Goonemeritus

    She does, to me that makes her more scary, it speaks to the band width of information she exposes herself to. If I were to guess it would be three Helium light bands wide and to the right of the Arian Brotherhood.

  • Splitters!

  • *gets on knees

    "Dear Lord, I know you're probably pissed about the me not ever believing in you thing, but pleasepleasepleaseplease let Michelle Bachman get the nomination? Amen."

    • freakishlywrong

      Be careful there. They cheat. And they're going to rig this one big time.

      • GOPCrusher

        They have already started changing early voting rules in order to prevent people from voting when their schedule allows. And several states are working on trying to pass a Photo ID law to further disenfranchise as many potential voters as they can.

    • nonbeliever7

      Nonbeliever fully joins your prayers. Except I do my fake praying in the missionary position.

    • prommie

      It would be like Kucinich being nominated.

      • GOPCrusher

        Except Dennis doesn't lie and then accuse others of being against him if they point out a misstatement.

  • I think the crazy statements and bizarre ravings are designed to put off for as long as possible any direct queries about her odd private life, including the flaming gay husband and the 3-foster-kids-per-year gravy train she depended upon.

  • Obama dumped the strategic oil reserve in the gulf? Thank God and Gov. Christie we still have the strategic fat reserve.

  • Goonemeritus

    I just threw up in my mouth a little.

  • Callyson

    No other Republican candidate whose statements have been vigorously vetted matched that record of inaccuracy.
    That's it, send the other candidates home. We have a winnah!

  • For this Crampedtown Rethug prez whorserace, maybe Bachmann is the green one?

  • PsycWench

    Damn downfister has a sock puppet.

    • It's Spanky2 (currently running around as 'noman') and Spanky2b.

      So clever! And what a life: day after day, week after week, downfisting comments he (mostly) doesn't even read.

      A perfect example of today's gooper base.
      ~

      • Ducksworthy

        What would be the point of reading comments he can't understand? All that work sounding out the phonemes would be wasted.

        • PsycWench

          And all the words are spelled correctly, which he finds confusing.

  • I think it's the crazy eyes, they're best evolved for huntin' killin' and herdin' not reading teleprompters.

  • elviouslyqueer

    No no. "Pants on fire" is what happens to Marcus's trousers every time he works his anti-gay mojo on some young, hunky strapling.

  • ttommyunger

    She is no more gaff-prone or self delusional than Dubya. She has a real shot at the nomination, sadly.

  • johnnymeatworth

    "I'm proud to bring my campaign here to Lincoln, NE–home of Charlie Starkweather…."

  • Terry

    "Meanwhile, Michele has never managed to pass a single bill or amendment that she sponsored while in Congress, because who even has time for that these days."

    How did she ever manage to pass the bar exam in Minnesota? Remember that she was a tax attorney before running for office.

  • "Everything we do with those forms is in an abundance of caution," she said, insisting she and her husband receive no farm income despite the forms reporting it.

    If that were the case (obviously not) it is more like an abundance to stupidity, reporting income you never received.

    • flamingpdog

      Michele's a good Christian women and a patriot. She was just reporting the income that Clarence and Ginny Thomas weren't reporting.

  • SorosBot

    She wants to stop the Others? But, despite their slaughter of the Dharma Initiative, they turned out to be a bit more morally complex than the simple bad guys they appeared to be at first.

    • finallyhappy

      I am going to re-watch all my DVDs and the extras and still not understand what the hell happpened. I am waiting for the movie.

  • ttommyunger

    Are any of her hundreds of Foster Kids old enough to be recalling suppressed memories? There is something pervy about that lardbutt hubby of hers. What "normal" man would want to live with this nutcase harpy anyway? Oh, by the way, he is a "Christian Counselor", whatever the fuck that is. I guess that means he beats you over the head with a Bible and then asks you how you feel about it.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh, by the way, he is a "Christian Counselor", whatever the fuck that is. I guess that means he beats you over the head with a Bible, plies you with crystal meth and an "innocent massage" in order to get in your pants and suck your dick, and then asks you how you feel about it.

      /fixed

    • BaldarTFlagass

      There's a big-ass article in this month's Mother Jones (unfortunately it's not available online yet) about these scary Jesus Homes for Wayward Teenage Girls. Some pretty sadistic abusin' going on in them places.

      • ttommyunger

        Why am I not surprised?

  • horsedreamer_1

    Chele was never eaten by lesbians, but she did eat Bush.

  • StarsUponThars

    I can smell the guano from here.

  • Ducksworthy

    Why is it that only Wonkette can accurately describe Michele Bachmann ideas?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    No big deal, that's just Michele being Michele.

  • metamarcisf

    Bachmann has made it clear that she favors both a state's right to outlaw same sex marriage when put to a vote of the people and a federal constitutional amendment to ban it in states where legislation currently allows it. In other words, she is a graduate of the Mark Levin School of Legal Bullshit.

  • Ducksworthy

    I'm calling for a constitutional amendment that will require any candidate for the Presidency (also SCOTUS) to take and MMPI and disclose the results.

  • prommie

    Donald Rumsfeld used to do the same shit, ask himself questions, and then, well, he didn't so much get the answers "wrong" per se, its just that they were deliberate, and breathtakingly bold and evil, lies.

    • V572 [SSAN]

      Why do we restate questions from MSM in terms we know how to answer most favorably to our interests? Because if we do it with a sufficiently authoritative-sounding tone of voice, the MSM pussies are too intimidated to ask a follow-up.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Does this verbal habit come from being indoctrinated as a child with the Baltimore Catechism?

      It almost certainly does.

      • prommie

        Those papists and their confounded jesuitical deceivery!

      • zhubajie

        Not unique to the Cats by any means. Lutheran fundies (like 'chele) are often ultra-mental, not unlike Luther himself.

  • proudgrampa

    Given her propensity for not getting facts straight, it's occurred to me that maybe her campaign is merely part of a longer-term strategy to get hired by FUX News. It worked for Sarah.

    FUX News – We make shit up.

  • V572 [SSAN]

    Or Juan McCain following GWB…

  • DaRooster

    I say cover her in Bar-B-Q sauce and show her to Chris Christie…

    • prommie

      Chris Christi Amin Dada?

    • user-of-owls

      Naught but a trifle. Cover Minnesota in BBQ sauce and now we're talking.

  • nonbeliever7

    Absolutely. She's clearly crazier than snowbilly and doesn't posses the quitters survival instinct to run away when the going gets tough. Michelle will ride the crazy to the bitter, santorum slathered end.

    • GOPCrusher

      After New Hampshire, when it's apparent she has a snowball's chance in hell of winning the Republiklan nomination, I can see her trying to run as a third-party candidate.

  • FlyOverGirl

    Sooo … we have:

    President Michele Bachmann
    Vice President Rick Perry
    Secretary of State Sarah Palin
    Secretary of Treasury Ron Paul
    Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney
    Secretary of Interior Tim Pawlenty
    Secretary of Health and Human Services Mitt Romney

    • DaRooster

      Sounds like a great show… for me to leave the country planet.

    • freakishlywrong

      …and a one way tickie to Costa Rica.

      • DaRooster

        That's where I'm a goin' to… see ya there.

    • HELisforHEL

      And Moving-Outta-The-Country HELisforHEL

  • PuckStopsHere

    Yeah, but at least she's not A FLAKE!

  • prommie

    Its a topic of vigorous debate, the "crazy strength" versus "retard strength" issue. crazy is a kind of frantic, out of control flailing strength, but retard strength, thats frightening. Nothing scarier on the playground than an angry tard with a bat.

  • Lucidamente1
    • proudgrampa

      I think Taibbi is absolutely correct. Bachmann has just the sort of charisma, attractiveness, whatever, that could appeal to a lot of voters in this country. To her constituency, any attempt at getting her to answer a straight question is merely "pickiing on her" and thus, gets her sympathy.

      It's not all that clear to me that Obama is anywhere near a shoo-in for re-election.

      So we should be very afraid. Which is why I'm already in the liquor cabinet this morning.

  • Vonnegut: "There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president."

    • Eve8Apples

      The teatard ambition is to take back their country from reasonable people. They will not let little things like truth, facts, history, science or logic get in their way.

  • OT

    We are trying to deal with a lutefisk-addled Minnesota Prez candidate who is part of the nonstop shill chorus about 'Murica being invaded by Messicans. Meanwhile Mexico has their own blues to sing. No sillies, not teh drug wars, Mexico has been invaded by Smurfs.

    • flamingpdog

      SMLOOD SMIBEL!

  • Ducksworthy

    If Upton Sinclair didn't say that about how Facism would come to Amurikka, he would now.
    (He lived in what is now her district.)

    • Lucidamente1

      Sinclair Lewis

      • Ducksworthy

        Thanks for that. My bad.

        • Doktor Zoom

          John Wayne Sinclair, actually.

          • flamingpdog

            John Quincy Lewis Revere

  • Barb

    Oh dear, Bachmann named John Quincy Adams as "one of the founding fathers who worked tirelessly to end slavery" this morning.

    • zhubajie

      Not totally false, but I doubt he'd have any use for her. He was with his father, John Adams, when the Treaty of Paris was signed, 1783. Much later, he was an abolitionist member of the House. Anyone remember the movie Amystad?

  • FidoMcCokefiend

    Jesus fucking Christ. DERP

  • Redhead

    "No other Republican candidate whose statements have been vigorously vetted matched that record of inaccuracy."

    They obviously haven't "vigorously vetted" Palin.

  • ganmerlad

    Not quite what you are asking for, but along those lines:

    "[…]and that God personally chose her to become both an IRS attorney who would spend years hounding taxpayers and a raging anti-tax Tea Party crusader against big government."
    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/michele

  • metamarcisf

    Okay, even I am willing to cut the woman some slack, but when she starts getting John Quincy Adams mixed up with John Wayne Gacy, maybe it's finally time to call in the rubber truck.

  • ganmerlad

    On the other hand, the repressed are the ones who tend force it/pay for it/mind-fuck it rather than do it consensually. They still do it, but not in a happy way.

    • ttommyunger

      Some absolutely will NOT. Not receive, not give. Not forcibly, not any way. They have that mindset and won't be moved. They are true believers, as I suspect Michele is.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Why obsess over the factuality of her statements? She says shit which is pleasing to the Conservative ear. Whether they are true or not is meaningless. Elevating the debate has always been a losing proposition in politics.

    • AJWjr.

      It's like saying anything in a sing-song voice will put a baby to sleep. Like that new thing, Go the fuck to sleep.

  • Billmatic

    By the way, I noted a lot of people talking about how civilizations don't survive…

    What about China?

  • HistoriCat

    You're talking about a country which elected Ronald Reagan twice. How can you not be scared?

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Even when she says "good morning", she lies twice.

  • WilliamHTaft

    Sure she's incompetent and constantly lying, but SOMEBODY'S gotta hate those Muslims.

  • user-of-owls

    Li-bu-natics! LIBUNATICS! Get it right! Sheesh, kids these days.

    • GOPCrusher

      It does sing when you see it in all caps.
      LIBUNATICS! LIBUNATICS!

      • bagofmice

        Libunatics! Libunatics!
        Wonk shed it's snark on thee!
        And crown thy good with brotherhood (Just like a socialist!)
        From page to ad-filled paaaaaage!

        • flamingpdog

          Needs more "fruited" plains buttsecks.

  • sportshort

    Who is fucking this woman? I mean, really, who?

    • user-of-owls

      Who? Who?

      We speak the same language, friend.

  • user-of-owls

    E Pluribus Absurdum

  • AJWjr.

    Thank you for your service!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Coos Bay… shit; I'm still only in Coos Bay… Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle… Every minute I stay at my little desk in my third-grade classroom, I get weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger.

  • Buckminster

    The crazy is strong with this one!

  • GOPCrusher

    This is the Xtine O'Donnell Political Model. When Michele's political career is snuffed out like a cigarette butt, she will stand in front of the tens of supporters and tell them how they lost but they won. The Tea Bagger Movement will not be denied!

  • x111e7thst

    John Quincy Adams helped Paul Revere preserve our Precious Second Amendments from the British.

  • GOPCrusher

    Which explains Faux Noise and every right wing AM radio personality.

  • HELisforHEL

    They're probably all olde white people. Or younger people who think like olde white people–you know, frightened of anything new, of different skin tones, of music written after 1974, of Tina Fey & uppity women of all stripes, of people who don't drive Cutlass Supreme Broughams, of people who refuse to shop at WalMart…

  • Andrew Drinker

    Okay, I admit it. Bachmann is not stupid.

    Ignorant as all fuck, yes, but not stupid.

  • HELisforHEL

    Mom?

  • Mojopo

    Ever watch "American Idol" tryouts? Watching the GOP get it's best and brightest together is a lot like that process. They're at the William Hung/Crazy Scat-singing Lady phase.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Glad to see the musical hero of my youth, young adulthood, and middle age is still fighting the good fight. Tom Petty asks Bachman to cease and desist using his American Girl: http://www.rawstory.com/rawreplay/2011/06/tom-pet

    And, not to be outdone by the Palinistas, Bachman's followers caught editing Wikipedia to conform to her fractured history lessons: http://www.oliverwillis.com/2011/06/28/bachmann-f

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    I believe we established yesterday that there are; go for the nose cartilage and you'll end your misery swiftly.

    It's been nice knowing you, friend.

  • lochnessmonster

    Just gets better and better. The scary thing is that the people in MN voted her into office. Yikes!!!

  • JackObin

    Michelle Bachmann is the Simone De Bouvoir of modern America.

  • unclejeems

    OK, but where are Turner and Overdrive? Went back to la Canada, I guess.

  • finallyhappy

    Hy, she must be a real liberal. She said ending slavery was a good thing.

  • Negropolis

    I feel very, very dirty. I have a visual of Michele Bachmann sensually grinding against the spin of a Bible, and purring like a kitten.

  • ttommyunger

    …up some poor kid's bum, prolly.

  • zhubajie

    Part of my definition of "conservative" is "refuses oral, anal, between the tits."

  • flamingpdog

    Paul Revere explains the bell ringing 24/7, but I don't get the bats.

  • OvercomingLies

    Maybe you all should let me in on the 57 states your genius commander and chief quoted and stated from his teleprompter. You try to make yourself look good by trying to make others look bad. When will the left discuss the issues and not attack the individual….because your community organizer has has made plenty of just plain stupid remarks!

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