left tilt

Chris Christie Makes Fox News Tilt Left

We're gonna need a bigger couch.Icon of personal responsibility Chris Christie paid a visit to the fiends at Fox News yesterday, and as this screenshot shows, he nearly caused the entire right-wing cable news channel to tilt left and vanish into the ether. But, sources say, the other side of the couch was secured with special ropes made from the tears of scared old white people.

Chris Christie is a darling of the far right because he likes to pretend he’s in the Mafia, and he has taxpayers send him new helicopters so he can go to his kids’ sports events at school. Also, he is enormous. [Thanks to Wonkette operative "Bill D." for the screenshot]

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155 comments

  1. DrunkIrishman

    Chris Christie's so fat, when he was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave him ten years to live.

    1. memzilla

      You can actually see the light bend around him from his gravitational distortion. Ow, my eyes.

      1. poncho_pilot

        i see what you mean. i thought they had just turned the Reality Distortion Field to a higher setting.

      1. Negropolis

        One of his greatest dsappointments is that he's unable to reach his nape, 'cause it'd be in trouble if he could.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Chris Christie's so fat, when he went to the Jersey Shore the Situation tried to hit on him.

        1. BarackMyWorld

          Yeah…who is that in the middle?…Too purty to be Gretchen, even at that resolution.

  2. MiniMencken

    I also like to calculate how much energy would be released if we harpooned Chris Christie, Rush Limbaugh, Roger Ailes, Newt Gingrich and Haley Barbour and rendered them in the old cast iron trypots of my Nantucket ancestors and then made candles or lamp oil. It would light up the entire New England coast, I surmise.

      1. MiniMencken

        Then, if I may be permitted to take up the quill in the manner of my ancestors, who oft preferred, when confronted with the possibility of a public action, to demur as regards physical action, in favor of a purely mental action, may I, with my Wonkette brethren, encourage us all to vividly contemplate (to employ a Romish usage) these sinners in the hands of an angry God? Or, since I am so very fond of dogs, in the paws of an angry Dog?

        1. tessiee

          SInce you're apparently posting from Nantucket, how about sinners in the mouth of an angry whale, a la Jonah and Pinocchio?

    1. PsycWench

      If Oxycontin is taken up extensively into fat tissue, there would be no pain felt around Point Rush Limbaugh.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      They catch fat wingnuts in Nantucket
      and render their lard in a bucket.
      Conservatives fallow
      make excellent tallow;
      mad-cow in their brains, though, so fuck it.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      Huckabee's gonna be pissed you left his fat asss out of it. And then there'll be no Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey left within 50 miles of wherever his show tapes.

  3. flamingpdog

    Jeeze, Junior, do you ever go to bed??? I'm two hours behind you, and beer is the only thing keeping me awake.

  4. poncho_pilot

    i'm not exactly thin, but if i fell over at a gay pride parade i wouldn't make Skittles.

  5. bflrtsplk

    He's as big as those three "newspersons" put together, with room left over for a little Rush.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        What about the esteem for Robert E. Lee?
        How did it get so high?
        I wonder if he commits treason
        Like an ordinary guy

  6. BarackMyWorld

    THERE'S my beloved Fox News headline question-mark.

    Lucky its on the other side of the couch, a safe distance from Gov. Dumptruck.

  7. FlipOffResearch

    In all fairness, he was stress testing that copter for the state police. You never know when the state police heli might be needed to save a whale or a herd of elephants, or a bunch of Sams Club shoppers. Maybe a half a dozen Golden Coral patrons will need to be rescued from a tragic turnstile jamming.

    Classic question for Christie: who's on Frist?

  8. FlipOffResearch

    The alt text say we're gonna need a bigger couch. Correction: they're gonna need a new couch. Lardos like that absolutely destroy furniture. The next person that sits on that couch is going to feel the frame.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Now now…I'm almost as big as he and my sofa is still in good shape. (Although, I do steer clear of dainty chairs)

  9. gullywompr

    He may be 400 lbs. of bullshit stuffed into a single suit, but Ann Coulter would still do him.

    1. hagajim

      Now that would be worth paying for. I just hope Coulter was on top, otherwise she is a shitstain on the bed.

  10. Negropolis

    I love how he told that constiuent that asked about his children's private schooling and how it should relate to his cuts to public schools to basically mind her own damned business. Stay klassy, Jabba the Gut.

    Dems hold in high regard the little person speaking truth to power. Republicans practically get off on power screwing over the little person who so as much questions the unfairness of his or her station in life or even just how they are being treated. It's why I can't imagine a single scenario in which I could ever go over to become one of them.

    Fuck Chris Christie, and the cattle car he rode in on.

  11. Negropolis

    Look at fearless Governor Christie giving that socialist couch the what-for. For a $10 contribution, you can help the brave governor continue his worthy battle against Big Couch and its thug union.

  12. James Michael Curley

    Since Lady Curley and I watch so much news, especially the now deceased New Jersey News netwrk, this Governor has cost us more than any of his alleged 'tax savings'. We had to buy a 55 inch wide screen TV to see him on one TV at a time.

  13. Goonemeritus

    Michelle Obama is going to pass a law that naked pictures of Chris Christie need to be on all fast food packaging

  14. Big_Lebowski

    I saw him on the Today Show and thought he looked exactly like Bobby Bacala. Anyone know if he has a train set?

    1. GeneralLerong

      Located as I am at the edge of the Pacific, I didn't get to this one until late…but it made me spew enough oatmeal all over my laptop to save for a mid-morning snack.

  15. Naked_Bunny

    Just because Chris Christie is a terrible (and very fat) man does not mean we should be making fun of the pile of blubbery flesh that is his disgustingly lardy body. At least, not without also wondering if his penis is as small as the rest of him is enormous.

    1. prommie

      I can't see how he can possibly even reach it. He must have to sit down to pee. I imagine it spends its time hidden in the darkness between folds of flesh, like a little man-clit to go with his man-boobs.

  16. freakishlywrong

    Mornin' Blow practically jizzed through my teevee when they were talking about how fat Jesus fucked over the public workers by making them pay more into pensions/healthcare, etc. When is it going to occur to these millionaire assholes that the more these wingnuts keep scraping off the middle class, the less they'll be able to buy the books and shit that they shill. Know your Worth Mika?

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Nobody buys their books, anyway. Other rich people, e.g. the Heritage Foundation, do bulk orders, then give away the copies for free. The left hand (so to speak) is paying the right hand.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      How can you watch that shit? Scarborough's smug George-Allen-doppelganger face fills me with revulsion in the morning on the way over to CNN. I will watch that show again when Mika starts horsewhipping him while wearing a slinky cocktail dress and Noonington-approved fuck-me pumps.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Yeah, but if she does that, she'll end up dead soon enough (after Joe Scar's gotten tired of the latest thing).

    3. Negropolis

      Mika thinks whatever Joe tells her to think. The irony of her writing that book can't be lost on her.

  17. Texan_Bulldog

    That picture reminds me of my playground teeter totter days–3 little people on 1 end and the fat chick on the other end.

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    KILMEADE: And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

    MR. CHRISTIE: Nah.

    KILMEADE: Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little, thin one.

    MR. CHRISTIE: No. Fuck off. I'm full.

    You know where it goes from there….

  19. arihaya

    what can we learn from New Jersey?

    never vote a GOP leader , especially the one that make Rush Limbaugh look slim

  20. MARCdMan

    Christ, looks like they are doing everything they can to resist his gravitational pull.

  21. mumbly_joe

    So, here's the thing. I'm a bit of a chunky kid. I weigh a lot more than I look like I should, and have even when I've been extremely athletically active. I take care of myself, and eat healthy, for the most part, but I'm just built to be heavy. And, I work in a health care setting, so I do understand that when obesity is a problem, it can be a very serious medical problem. Obesity is no laughing matter, and I applaud our sexy First Lady for her efforts combatting obesity amongst our nation's youths.

    But then, there's Chris Christie. I'm sorry, but it's one thing to be chubby, and it's another thing to be fat and to act and have political policies that are literally every caricature of fat people that exist, anywhere. Getting choppered to your kid's game? Having a personal driver take you the remaining hundred yards to the bleachers? Literally taking food out of the mouths of the poor to give money to the wealthy? Yeah, no. If ever fat jokes were warranted, this is the guy.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Well, if Mitch Daniels, Our Little Friend, is not going to run, at the very least, we can get another movie character in the GOP Prexy field: Chris Christie, Fat Bastard ("Get in my belly!").

    2. ttommyunger

      Not to mention the poor State Trooper assigned to wipe his ass…..Well, you KNOW he can't reach it himself.

  22. Ohforcripessake

    Well at least now I understand why he killed the New Jersey to New York train tunnel project. It was either that or his per diem. Or possibly the fact that by the time it was built, he wouldn't fit in it.

  23. Steverino247

    He doesn't have the right wingers hovering on his every word. They're orbiting him.

  24. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I normally don't rag on people because they're fat but for this piece of crap I'll make an exception. Christie probably got this way cause he’s lazy and a glutton with no self control. With his money he could eat high quality food, have a private coach and afford the time to work out. This is not the kind of person who should be in charge of anything more important than his own asshole much less a state.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      Yeah but he still has his old nemesis 'Gravity.' And Gravity is a mean fuckin' bitch.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      There's a story told about another heavyweight, Henry Knox, a general in Washington's army and Washington's first secretary of war. Knox was in charge of getting Washington's army across the Delaware river to surprise those famed Hessians. Knox was in Washington's boat and when he got in, the boat rocked heavily and went down to near the gunwales. Washington is alleged to have said to Knox, "Henry, sit your fat ass in this boat or you will surely sink us all." Knox served his country well (although he went to hell in his later years.)

      Christie would make a great buoy or anchor, depending upon whether he stayed up or went down when his boat/yacht/raft sank. Picture him in a canoe…

  25. LiveToServeYa

    He'd make a fine president. Actually, he'd make some three or four fine presidents. Small dogs must tremble when they fall in the shadow of his girth.

  26. Plowmon

    Rendered and then made into biodiesel he might drive down the price of crude a few cents…

  27. horsedreamer_1

    When the Good Lord took the "Big Man" from New Jersey, why did it have to be Clemons?

  28. philpjfry

    As a New Jersey resident I can say this arrogant fuck has not done anything constructive for the people in our state. I suppose he has helped defeat global warming by providing shade for a few small cities.

  29. bigdupa

    What's the over/under on the number of Febreeze bottles they used afterwards? I say 3.

      1. Negropolis

        Obviously not enough to prevent him from being elected.

        Anyway, I blame Canada. That's what patriotic Real Americans are supposed to do, right?

  30. Beowoof

    Does he have a bypass scheduled soon? If not he should be making the appointment.

    Cornary or gut bypass either applies.

  31. widestanceroman

    Oh, how I would love to see Little Britain's Marjorie Dawes go OFF on this mountain of a man.

  32. Redhead

    He looks like he ate Huckabee. Christie/Huckabee and 2 of Bachmann's personalities for pres in 2012!

  33. hagajim

    The fact that this fat douche is even in office is a prime indicator on where this nation is headed….down Christie's shitter.

  34. flamingpdog

    He's gonna have to lose a couple hundred pounds before anyone with a foot smaller than Delaware can kick him around.

Comments are closed.