Old white people in Arizona were warned to unplug their ‘puters Thursday night, because a group of mysterious hackers called “Lulz Security” broke into the state’s law enforcement network and released millions of illegal Mexican computer things into the computer world, the New York Times reports. The virtual Mexicans might somehow get through the Internet Explorer with the Drudge Report set as the home page, or through the AOL accounts many elderly Arizonans continue to pay $15 a month for, despite also paying for cable Internet or DSL. While the same hacker group reportedly also broke into secure systems such as the CIA.gov and Eater.com, the fear in this case is that the illegal code virus released by LulzSec may force white children to speak Spanglish and also spread Latino music and the Catholic religion, both of which are a serious threat to retired whites who moved from Midwestern suburbs to Arizona in the 1980s because who knew it got 117 degrees in the summer?
Lulz Security, a group of hackers who have claimed responsibility for a number of recent online data attacks, said Thursday that it had successfully breached the Arizona Department of Public Safety’s internal servers, gaining access to hundreds of law enforcement documents, police profiles and e-mails.
Lulz Security said in a news release that it had chosen to attack Arizona law enforcement because it the group is opposed to the state’s law against illegal immigration.
{ 160 comments }
Don't they have a firewall up on their computer? The whole fucking state is on FIRE!
How will Grandma Whitey get the latest spam mail if her computer is off? Barack is probably swearing some Czar in on a Koran and he will get away with it. They will, also, miss out on their winning lottery announcement from Kenya.
The illegals been lightin' computers on fire, according to John McCain.
McCain's still using an abacus.
Meh, McCain doesn't understand the intertubes and computers. Come election time, he will think of some amnesty program to absolve the Messican computer fire starters in order to get their vote. Some sort of "don't ask, don't Dell" program. Once he gets voted in he will quickly turn against them again.
That's dreadful, Barb. Puns are a Gateway drug, and if you know what's good for you, you'll take them and throw 'em in the trash Compaqter.
Stop being such a bunch of Asus you guys. Enough with the puns.
Hewlett her get away with that?
Come on, Grandma Whitey's got a new set of inspirational Jesus stories she's got to forward to her agnostic children, nieces & nephews with; how the hell can she conduct the vitally important task of annoying her family with the AOL down?
Won't someone think of the cute baby animals?!?
Build the dang firewall!
Here's where we learn that Sheriff Arpiao spends all of his time doing Google image searches for "ricky martin shake your bon bon."
I would seriously love to see that man's internet search history.
Probably not hard to imagine…Cabela's, Sportsman's Guide, RentBoyEnEspanol, Drudge. You know, the usual.
As a former New Yorker and current Californian, I REALLY caused a commotion when I was visiting friends in Nebaska, and asked: "What's Cabela's?"
They looked at me like I had two heads.
Now I know. (sheesh!)
Ok, I just looked and it's some sort of sporting-goods store?
So if you go to their website you'll see that the main menu tabs along the top are "Hunting," "Shooting," "Fishing," etc. So hunting and shooting are two different categories? I would have thought shooting would go somewhere under hunting, but I guess that's why I'm a liberal.
And then the first category under Shooting is "Reloading." The store has a "Reloading" department? I don't even know what that means. I'm so fucking liberal.
LulzSec is so sadly off-target. If they really wanted lulz, they shoulda hacked Pima County Sherriff's Dept computers, not the ADPS.
Uh oh, now every brown kid with a electronic thingy or boom box will be thrown in a private-prison for aiding and abetting the LulzSec crew… after being tased of course.
Why the fuck do they need computers in Arizona?
Why the fuck do they need
computers inArizona?–fixed
Hey, Gopherit and yours truly are courageous enough to live here so you don't have to! Hmmph..
Ditto, BeWoot. Also. Too.
Yeah! Some of us aren't raving lunatics…
For the record, I love Arizona. It's just that, you know, everyone around you appears to be insane.
Arizona is like Utah – places with natural beauty… populated by insane wingers.
Same reason the Germans needed IBM in the early 40s…
To play Jeopardy?
Okay, by posting in this thread I just gave away that I am the only one still awake and not having sexy time. Enjoy your sex, Wonketeers! Enjoy your nuzzling and cuddling and when you awaken tomorrow and the Messicans took over your computers and your iPads and stuff and all you can access is Telemundo and you can't "Keep Up with the Kardashians" and know what the one ugly sister is saying because it is in Spanish, don't come running to me! I stayed chaste, I have a firewall and I know the Messican threat!
Don't even try to speak to me tomorrow with your afterglow and your "oooh oooh" faces. I don't want to speak to you with your smug pancake breath and your rash infested chins from the beardly stubble after playing a rousing game of "escaped convict and warden's wife"
Bitches!
Played "Escaped maquiladora maid and sheriff Arpaio's wife" tonight. IN YO FACE ARPAIO!!!
The Kardashians keep me up all the time.
Probably the sex is with Mexicans too!
You might call them sexicans! Sex I Can!
Um, I was falling asleep in front of Iron Man 2, empty glass of wine in hand.
Whose wine? White wine? Where the hell did I dine?
Does it count as sex even if there was no one else present?
GOD WAS PRESENT, so yeah, totally. Well, that's what I was told growing up, anyway.
Think of it as mutual masturbation.
Nothing's too hard for God.
We prefer "Governator and naughty housekeeper", but to each his own.
Is Mr. Barb sleeping on the job?
See me.
Maybe LulzSec should hack Google Earth and move the Mexican border to north of Phoenix.
Maybe LulzSec can make Arizona disappear all together.
I would treat God's glorious sack to pleasures unknown in this universe if that were possible.
"access to hundreds of law enforcement documents, police profiles and e-mails." When do we get access to the McCain/ Lindsey Graham blowjob pics?
"Oh Lindsey, your ham biscuits are so warm and smooth in my mouth."
Oh McCain, your pea-sized balls always taste like chipped beef.
Gummy Bear!
I hope they don't have any naked pictures of Jan Brewer. Gross.
Just headless pictures.
Clever, you.
there was that pic of the shriveled up hide that looked just like her, or else it was a mummified Clovis dick. Hard to say.
Finish the dang fence! Gotta keep them illegals out.
Yes. The last thing Arizonans want is illegals entering their cuntry.
needz moar 2nd amendment
Founding Fathers didn't need computers….why should WE?
tell that to Antonin "I am an Originalist" Scalia
I suppose he would argue that the existence of Jefferson's auto-writer was a device similar to the modern CPU.
Exactly–they wouldn't be in this mess if them computers were concealed carrying.
Arizonians are allowed to have computers? They weren't outlawed with that bill that says you can harass suspected illegal browns, even if they're really just white folk who got brown living their whole lives under the desert sun's death rays?
What is this "lulz," anyway? Sounds foreign to me.
(Then again, I can't make any claims to being up on L337 slang– just yesterday, I got mocked by a young person for saying "noob," which apparently is now as old and out of it as "23 skidoo." Well, tarnation, is all I can say, consarn it.)
Doc, you're the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas.
Now we're on the trolley!
I always hated noob or newbie.
On the other hand, I am just glad that Douchbag has remained in the common vernacular as long as it has.
Srsly, if I had a babby now, I would make him / her wear this.
I believe it should be legal to bludgeon someone to death for using the term W00T.
gangbustas!
Whatever are you talking about? You are exceptionally bully, Dok!
Call 'em green– they'll think you're hinting at something stuck in their teeth.
Or they might think you are making a statement about how often they put things in the recycle bin.
When a young person refers to anything I say as out of date, I correct them "It's old school, you little brat".
Oh sure, anything the kids say is the bee's knees, but they don't think anything I say is ever groovy.
Though now that I think of it, I can mock my eldest for thinking at one time that gnarly, psych, and rad were, uh, rad. Neener, neener, he's got a kid now so he is officially an old.
This is what they fear in Arizona? I would think that their worst fear is passing out on their diabetes scooter, landing on the pavement in a 5-minute black out, and cooking to death.
I live in New Mexico, and I only go outside 8 minutes a day, always wearing pants, and I noticed tonight that I have freckles on my butt already.
how did you notice the assfreckles may I ask?
Pilates.
That sounds foreign *narrows eyes*
Sounds to me like Barb killed Our Lord & Savior, Jesus the Nazarene.
You must live in Santa Fe, as I'm fairly certain pilates is unavailable in the rest of the state (disclaimer: I once rented a trailer in Alamogordo).
I'm sure there is all kinds of shit up there in Taos, too.
Alamogordo? Isn't Sara Benincasa from there? Wait, I think she's from Las Cruces.
Needs confirmation. Assfreckles are serious business.
Better send pics just to be sure.
"I have freckles on my butt already."
Tease
lulz indeed.
Geocities still exists?
Of course they have computers in AZ–They need them in the call centers. Tucson is America's Bangalore. Well, except for all the Tucson jobs that went to Bangalore, of course.
Tempe is worse, dozens of call centers exploiting the ASU student pop. All of them min wage.
Oh noes. My computer just started speaking spanish and playing mariachi music.
But mine has begun making delicious spicy food and margaritas, so I'm fine with it.
Where did you order the margarita maker spout with the usb connection, might I ask?
Riendoz Seguridad.. Chinga La Migra!
So, anyone want to try and guess how many emails will be nothing but forwarded racists jokes and pictures? That's what white business-type people do during their workday, right?
Don't forget weird fetish porn, they need their weird fettish porn to tide them over during this recession because they simply can't afford to fly to Thailand or South America every few months for some awesome sex tourism. In the post 9/11 world we all need to sacrifice.
"I'm so confused. Is this a magic show?"
all of 'em, katie?
This is is more like how we behave.
this is good news for John McCain …
and oh please hack Nevada , Georgia, Texas and all red states.
Can we haz hack of Paul Ryan, pleaze?
boingboing (no relation to Anthony Weiner) has started to dig though the file:
http://www.boingboing.net/2011/06/23/breaking-lul...
Definitely more interesting than Palin's emails, but nothing explosive just yet.
BTW, LulzSec didn't break into cia.gov, they just DDoSed it (the internet equivalent of putting a flaming bag of shit on your doorstep).
More of a social hack of the media. Way easier than brute forcing a 1024 bit key.
This may be the single greatest sentence I've ever read:
"LulzSec's latest release represents the greatest single concentration of incompetent tattoos in recorded history."
Donde esta la firewall pinche gringos!
Que?
having lived in both Wisconsin and Texas, i don't understand why there isn't a bond between Browns and Whites over their mutual love of oom-pah. Polka, Norteño, Country, Tejano…taste the rainbow.
Needz lezz accordian, pleazes.
You just made Weird Al Yankovich cry. Also, Myron Floren.
You just made *Frankie* Yankovic cry, partly because of the extraneous terminal "h." Anyway, now his coffin is completely soaked.
Meh, all them eastern European names got so many consonants, what's one more? I'd like to buy a vowel, Vanna.
hmmmm. both Wisconsin and Texas…how about Florida, Michigan, Indiana or Ohio…..could our current states insanity have its roots in YOU!!!!!
all four of those states are places i dislike without ever having been there…oh, wait…i have visited Michigan and drove through Indiana–maybe i am to blame…
One of my favourite new(ish) bands is Pistolera. I think they've been kicking about for awhile, but I only just saw them at Montgomery College in Suburban DC back in September. Great show. &, yes, very polka-friendly. (Though, I wouldn't share that with the 70 years old Polish ladies in Franklin & New Berlin who spent their early married years throwing dogshit at Fr. Groppi.)
I like troublemakers who fuck with authority just because they can. As long as no one gets hurt, of course. Is it too much to ask that they fuck with Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia next? Find some child pornography on their laptops or something. Because you know it is there just waiting to be found.
Plant the porn, remove their own DUI records, the possibilities are infinite!
Thomas excepted, the porn is most likely to end with a ($). Moneyshot.
Naaah. Include Thomas.
Justice Thomas' kiddie porn stash should be interesting. Would it feature Coke cans without pubic hair? You know, pre-pubescent-like?
Ah, the good ole fashioned Brazilian Coke
Kiddie Coke Porn?
Let's not overlook Alito and Roberts, the more likely pervy of the 4 Horses Asses of the Dumbpocalypse.
Roberts prolly just has lots of links to that U. of Nebraska wrestler who got in trouble for filming for a gay solo pay-site.
With Alito looking over his shoulder (and giving him a reach-around).
I wonder of if the Post or Times will masturbate as furiously over these e-mails as they did over Palin's e-mails.
Considering the attention span of the average pre-pubescent NYT writer, no.
Apparently now Arizona police can pull over and search without a warrant anyone who looks vaguely computer competent.
"You! With the thick glasses. Show me some ID!"
Doubt that would generate much police activity in AZ.
Their state IT guys would be safe from harassment.
No shit!
LulzSec should just do whatever mischief without announcing it. Then it will be far more effective.
What makes you think it isn't?
They do the mischief, then they announce when they'll release the results. The announcement is vital for the release to have an impact. Who cares if you dump a whole bunch of private info out there, if no one's going to use it?
God, I just used "released" and "dump" in a Wonkette post that had nothing to do with David Vitter. I feel dirty for some reason.
The way you wrote it, Wonkette Jr., gave me Lulz. Especially the part about Drudge infecting their puters.
However, reading the NYT story is not quite the Lulz I anticipated. 'Officers home addresses' doesn't give me teh grinz when said next to 'intelligence gathered on gangs in AZ and Mexico.' "Embarrassing" vs. "dangerous" aren't the same level of hilarity for me.
I have to agree, I find this more fucked up than funny, despite the reliably entertaining writing.
Guys – SERIOUSLY – if these Mexican nano-wetbacks get into your PC – DON'T RUN ANTIVIRUS!!!
Instead – pull up your Farmville session, build a barn or buy an old bus for the migrant workers to live in – and problem solved. You'll have to pay them, but not much and if the work dries up, they'll just move on to your neighbor's PC.
That doesn't work in Georgia any more.
For the Georgia farms instead of building a little Farmville barn you just build a little Farmville prison for the workers. I think the Farmville chains for the prisoners cost extra though.
Oh shit. I was doing so well in Farmville, but then I pushed the button labeled "Chase off the messicans" and now my crops are dying!
The NYT actually spells it out as "Lulz Security"? Geezus, are they still hand setting lead type to print their paper too?
They are the paper of record.
" Geezus, are they still hand setting lead type to print their paper too?"
Mind your p's and q's!
No, they got Linotypes some years ago.
who knew it got 117 degrees in the summer?
Yeah, but it's a dry heat.
Build the damn fire wall!
Fucking hindsite. If I had realized there were so many stupid old people, I'd have bought AOL stock, dammit.
Some of us oldes were on Compuserve in the 80s and disparaged AOL as "Assholes On Line."
"No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public."
As true today as when Mencken said it in the 1930s.
Dude. I had 100k worth of AOL stock options in 2000, which immediately plummeted when they bought time warner, never to recover. I recently sold off the last of my employee purchase plan stock for just about what I paid for it.
In other words, you're lucky you didn't.
Old people don't know it gets to 117 in the Arizona summer.
Because if they are smart, they only live there in the winter..
Weirdly enough, it turns out the most popular password used by AZ law enforcement was Bieber4Life.
I thought it was damnmessicins.
Just a timid suggestion here that maybe Wonkette could find a better stock image for illustrating Arizona stupidity, since Ed Abbey was one of the coolest cats this or any other state ever produced.
No kidding, just look. He actually killed his television.
Also, that photo is ©Dick Kirkpatrick… a friend of mine. Hayduke Lives!
I am in favor of fucking with Arizona in every possible way, especially Governor Drinky McHagface and Sheriff Joe R. Piehole.
Cool as that sounds, they won't get many LULZ serving time in Federal Prison.
I can hardly wait for the Arizona legislators to respond with a bill that would give every computer in the state a gun for its own protection against viruses.
What ever happened to that whole Baja Arizona secession movement? I'd like to go to Tucson without being arrested and shipped to GuantanArpiao.
Now that was the most awesome answer and use of a meme
Yes; yes, it was.
People here in AZ might not like the Spanish language, Catholicism, or Latino music, but the fat asses certainly don't seem to have a problem with Mexican food. Carbs and chilies … hee haw!
This comment was redacted FOR THE LULZ.
Who do you think you are, Jay Lenovo?!
Shut her up and Packerd away.
Comments on this entry are closed.