To the delight of microwaveable snack industry executives nationwide, sex god Ron Paul and other sex god Barney Frank are introducing the nation’s first “HOW ABOUT WE FINALLY LEGALIZE THE MARY-JUANA” bill, which, eh, probably has no chance, but maybe now America can Have a Conversation about the “drug war,” which is not actually a war but a very lucrative way for privately-owned prisons to make money off states by filling jails with harmless, hungry pot consumers. The bill would mostly limit the ability of the federal government to intervene with state laws regarding pot sales, because this is Ron Paul we are talking about. Perhaps not coincidentally, we also received a confusing but adorable e-mail from adorable presidential candidate Ron Paul asking for a donation today:
What is this “R3VOLUTION” thing he is talking about? Is this hippie language? Does Ron Paul think we are hippies? We are not hippies, but probably all hippies and high school seniors everywhere will now vote for Ron Paul. Ron Paul/ John Lennon 2012! [LA Times]
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Is Ron Paul sponsored by Rizla, Zigzags and Cheetos?
Abba-Zabba?
Probably, mama mia!
Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
Keebler
I'll add that to the donations list, solid point.
And a consortium of pizza chains…
Pizza chain consortium sounds like a hipster band, or a company that will eventually get seriously raided by immigration.
Hey Ron Paul, ya holdin'?
I have a feeling it's all sticks and seeds.
Ha! You just know the only thing that senile hobbit is holding are a few metamucil fiber capsules, and maybe a couple of Thorazine pills, which he never remembers to take.
4 Liberty, doodz!
You're obviously misinterpreting "liberty".
Granted, that's easy to do, because "liberty" sounds like freedom, including freedom to alter one's state of mind — and in fact, that *is* what it *used* to mean — but now it means old white people who aren't quite sure what they're angry about, dressing up in costumes and buying lots of guns because they think S*r*h P*l*n is hawt.
Hemp for Victory!
Victory Records is offended.
XXX
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're all doing what we can
I, for one, will welcome our new National Poet Laureates: Cheech & Chong
National Lampoon's PSA, from Radio Dinner: "If dope smoking doesn't damage your brain, how come so many teenyboppers think Cheech & Chong are funny?"
On the other hand, Firesign Theater was funny and terrifying, and it was stoner-oriented art.
(Hi, everybody. Been away for a few days. Did I miss anything? Anyone end any wars? Save the economy from collapse? Restore our freedumbs? No? Carry on.)
All I know is, everything you know is wrong.
Are the Paultards playing for a sweet spot somewhere between EZ-Widers and Hover-roundz?
Well, Barry can kiss the youth vote goodbye now.
Gone up in smoke.
All six of them?
More than 6, I'm afraid. I have quite a few former students on FB from when I taught at an alternative ed school. Yes…almost to a pupil, they are stoners and they are PUMPED about this.
And when Paul doesn't thump enough Bibles to make it past the primary, they'll all go back to their regular routines, which includes not knowing who their members of Congress are.
Hey, I'm 35 and would love to see pot legalized, in part because I have no way of getting any now – but not enough to vote for a dingbat who believes in loony discredited economic theories and pals around with racists like Paul.
Yeah, like the Youngs, and particularly the stoner Youngs, are really good at registering to vote, going to vote, producing ID, or not losing the absentee ballot. Nobody owns that demographic.
I beg to differ:
'None of the above' OWNS that vote.
well NOW we have an election!
and just think of how that blimp is going to fly!
Since Ron Paul only makes sense if you're high, he's got the right idea.
You had me at Legalize!
L3galiz3
I'd like a large R3volution with green peppers, onions and extra cheese please.
It is not a pizza till it has anchovies.
Is that why Cain has smelly fingers?
ask your mother
The Paul / Cain alliance!
And we thought the "Murican waistline wuz exploding before. Might look at investing in awning & tent makers as they'll have a leg-up on making clothes for the full-figured.
Mickey D's will start offering anus-burger six-packs with steamer-trunk-sized fry portions and 55-gallon drums of corn syrup.
Yum!
Will they offer a super-sized version too?
The R3VOLUTION we started is at a crucial stage
By crucial stage, I assume Paul means the donations will help move the campaign from "no goddamned motherfucking chance in hell" to "no fucking chance in hell" of getting out of the Republican primary, let alone winning the presidency.
DING DING DING DING!
You are correct, sir!
He will ascend to the presidency in Azeroth, however.
I feel so god-damned conflicted……
Simple: Barney Frank 2016!
$1 now is worth as much as $5 later on.
Yeah, they said that about mortgage derivatives, too.
Wait, is he conceding that money invested in the economy has a multiplier effect? That a fiscal stimulus policy Just Might Work?
Nah. That would mean he understood Econ 101.
You mean, WI3RD.
Well of course he wants people smoking the marijuana; getting high is the only his policies can seem to make sense.
YES!… and ummm… no.
I'd love Ron Paul for this except he's a crazy whack job nut bag.
The R3VOLUTION will not be televised, so all the pot heads will miss it.
The college students are STOKED! I see a smoking/toking section in my future.
P.S. I'm sort of serious. This bill has been blowing up my FB newsfeed.
This is clearly just a stealth way to get Paul Frank's name back out there.
Rand/Doritos 12!
Not Doritos/Rand? They're both equally useless ways to direct your money.
Nacho cheese Doritos? Cool Ranch? This kind of factionalism can only clear the way for Cheetos to take the veep nomination. Unadulterated by natural materials since 1956!
Ron Paul/Willie Nelson 2012!
That would actually be somewhat awesome.
R0n Paul is trying to be all 1337 and $#!+, but he's 2 much of a Lamz0r N00b.
I think he's trying to be our kind bud(dy)
This bill was heavily backed by Frito-Lay. At least, it should have been. Cheetoes/Salsa 2012!
What? Salsa on Cheetos? Blasphemy! That'd be like dipping a communion wafer in French Onion Dip.
Which might not be a bad idea….
You'd think this would be a no-brainer for the Godfather guy, but noooo
Dude. Really? No, dude. Really? Say that again. Come on. Say it. Say it. Say it. Dude, you are shitting me. Duuuuuddddeeee, that is sooo funny. Hey Dude, look at me. Damn, your nose is huge. Tilt your head up so I can see. Dude, its like two caves, side by side. Dude.
Sorry, Ron. I was so baked I forgot to vote.
Dude, what's my tattoo say?
Sweet!
What's my tattoo say?
Dude!
What's my tattoo say?
etc., etc.
Black Weed smokers all over America you have a choice to make, choose wisely my high brothers and sisters.
He will also submit a bill that includes Chocolate Milk and Pizza and a 2 hour recess on Friday all school year long!
"ramp up our efforts"
There's that expression again, I keep seeing "ramp up," it's everywherez. Is that what they're calling these days instead of "light up"? I've eaten ramps but now I'm wondering what it'd be like to smoke 'em.
Don't let that be a handicap.
The r3volution will be televised, but no one will see it because they'll have the set tuned to the wrong channel, and will be crashed out with the test pattern going.
Prince rocks. And Wendy and Lisa are hot!
Dang, I was going for the Gil Scott-Heron association. But cool!
Oh god, now I have to listen to my non-political friends say "Gee, that Ron Paul guy is all right." Fuck you Mr. Paul for making stoners briefly consider you as anything less than batshit crazy.
The stoners might like him for this, but Paul will attract the opposition of the pot growers and dealers for cuttin' into their profits.
[redacts YouTube video from West Coast affiliate]
$1 is worth $5… Nice pyramid scheme Paul…
Perhaps they're thinking of that time they loaded the pot with oregano and sold it to the fraternity boys.
See, this proves that the Libertarians aren't completely full of shit. Credit where credit is due.
The downside for poor ol' Ron is that if this thing passes, the states that legalize are just gonna stone cold REGULATE and TAX the shit of that particular herb.
And if you don't pay your taxes on it then the IRS comes after you like they did Capone. See what he did there?
Forgot to mention, my state is one of the frontrunners on all this legalize-and-tax stuff.
Washington, represent!
I do wonder what images will be required on the pack? Or is that lid?
MUST…FIND…BRAIN…BLEACH.
I'll take whatever you don't use, kthnx.
Is Ron Paul becoming the creepy old guy that tries to lure teenage boys into his house with hip talk and pot smoking?
Porn, don't forget porn.
"Hey, let me rub you back. Nah, its okay. I have done this before for other guys."
It ain't gay if their balls don't touch.
Pfft boring. More ball touching!
"Guess who? Sorry to leave you so many messages. Just lonely here. Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news."
…
"Where are you?"
…
"Ah, you're starting to piss me off, you little piggly son of a bitch. Call me."
Sorry, I can only watch Family Guy while high.
Anything in your childhood you're trying to tell us?
My parents set me up to fail. Middle-class white boy with no responsibilities. We even moved out of the purple school bus and into a real house before I started grade school.
Republitards should support the legalization of marijuana simply because people who like to smoke marijuana are likely to be liberal, but if they are actually stoned, they are less likely to vote. It is even sneakier than sending out leaflets saying the election will take place on Wednesday.
OK… I'll give you a buck now and then you give me 5 bucks later… when we get to Munchie Mart…
If he legalizes it I hope they attach a rider that brings back MST3K too.
I originally read that as MYST. That's fun to play if you're high (you don't get very far, though).
But, yeah, I'm all for MST3K too!
Bong hits for Liberty!
Unconstitutional!
http://www.pbs.org/teachers/learning.now/2007/06/...
Ha ha, that seems like one of the current court's moderate decisions. If the kid's banner had said "Goldman Sachs is our new Messiah" there wouldn't have been any problem at all, once Citizens United cleared the way.
sex god Ron Paul and other sex god Barney Frank
The real Doobie Brothers
Speaking of crops, Georgia's new anti-immigrant law is playing out in predictable ways: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0611/57551.h...
Immigrants leave state. Crops start to rot. Probationers hired to replace immigrants walk off job because it's fucking backbreaking work that pays shit wages. Go Georgia!
it's fucking backbreaking work
If you read the article more closely, it's actually "bonking" backbreaking work.
Seriously, what was that? It was like some godawful attempt to keep it PG for the newspaper.
Reminded me of watching Pulp Fiction on TV. "Put down the mother-flagging gun!" Okay, sure, I can see Sam Jackson saying it that way. How about a bleep instead?
The capitalist solution would be to raise wages until they start to find people willing to do the work.
The patriotic solution is to illegally import labor in order to sidestep pesky labor protection laws.
the new braceros
But remember: Cesar Chavez was a weirdo.
– Caitlin Flanagan
"The capitalist solution would be to raise wages until they start to find people willing to do the work."
Silly fishie.
That would be a free market for labor — you know, the wonderful, flawless, heaven-producing free market, and…
Um…
I haz a confuzz.
It would be fun if an unintended consequence of this law was getting Georgia farm workers to unionize.
Man, Georgia and unions, it's so fucked up here.
My husband works in healthcare. He gets four paid holidays a year. Management gets all federal holidays paid and are "prohibited" from working those days. If scheduled to work on a holiday, the shifts are 12 hours and employees don't get double for working those holidays because the "national custom" is to only pay time and a half. They have too few employees to cover current patient load, so work like dogs all day to keep up.
But, you mention the need for a union to fight for better conditions or benefits? NO! that would be awful! we'd rather work for crap wages with ridiculous workloads.
Georgia is fucking stupid.
Yeah, well, Georgia is always locked in a serious battle with Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana for 50th place on any measure of quality. With Tennessee always trying to move into contention. So this will help Georgia's name stay in the news whenever those rankings are updated.
Seriously, driving out the migrant workers not only hammered the farming economy but it took a HUGE component of demand out of the housing market. As the immigrant population grew, many people were able to rent out long-since paid-for residences for more than enough money to "move up." And the people whose houses they bought were buying a lot of the new construction. That's all over now!
Sue, it's good to have another georgia blue girl here. And no shit about healthcare…unions? Whaa????!!!
African-Americans, stooped in a field, picking crops, for minimal wage.
Haley Barbour: [comes]
I don't get it. I just saw a WSJ poll that said that Americans would be willing to work for a quarter a hour. Cmon Georgians, those peanuts aren't going to pick themselves.
If it was the wall street journal, are you sure it didn't say Americans *should* be willing to work for a quarter an hour?
Boy, I'm on the R3VOLUTION train! I'm sending in a $3 bill right now!
R3volution means his arthritis is not evolving well and needs more money for the treatment. Wait for the invisible hand, Ron!
That's not a talking stick, buddy. Quit the bogart and pass it over here.
Don't hide it, divide it!
And put some sugar in the water this time, dad-gummint!
Annie Green Springs Plum Hollow. You kids know nothing about quality bong smoking.
seriously!!!! Putting Dew-Cron in the cronic…..Kids now adays. When I was a lad/lass I would walk up hill 5 miles to see some "poser" drink bong water. Hahahahahaha. You only did THAT once. I'm a "spliff" fan as apposed to the bong or bowl or blunt….. .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6cVmx5bOaU
P.S. I HATE REGIE MUZAK!!! AS MUCH AS YANNI!!! so that took alota snark outa me…..I'm gonna go campin' now.
They burn all fiat currency they receive because that's evil statist money.
Funny. I do remember one time, not realizing how it had effected me I drove off from my friends house. I was driving for what was really a block and it seem to take hours. I turned around and headed back carefully (for more hours).
I am sure weed is like falling into the event horizon.
One time we told our buddy,"Dude is your speedometer broke 'cuz it says your going 20 mph but your are doing AT LEAST 105." So, he slowed down a little bit and we were all OK. (on a Highway marked 55)
Does this mean that all those damned blue-hairs driving around at 20 mph with their left blinker on are all stoned? I don't have a problem with that, but I really do wish they'd quit fucking with the flow of traffic.
It sure would be nice if one had to re-take the driving part of the test at some point… every 2 years or so.
Glad to see they reached across the aisle to make a joint effort.
I totally heard it was good for umara composis
BARNEY FRANK/REASON 2012!
I love that man so much.
I've been wondering where Ron Paul came up with some of his more zany statements. NOW I think I begin to see.
"I feel like we're wearing dresses, Man." — Tommy Chong
Weed Guy/Pizza Guy 2012!
That's a fantastic combo that many people will be able to get behind.
What happened to your p-points, man?
I believe the term you seek is 'synergy'.
They're possibly scared of new companies pouncing on a just-legalized mary-jane market and out-performing them. Tobacco companies are pretty heavily vested in the production (factories, farms) of their product, and those resources would need to be dedicated to producing at the same volume, regardless of any new product appearing. It's possible that other argi-businesses presently busy growing corn or soy might jump into the ring, as reefer would likely be an expensive product with decent profit, and those companies are larger than Big Tobacco by an order of magnitude.
None of which should imply I have or will have anything to do with production of said materials … oh wait, you say ATF is at the door asking for me? … brb
Well done sir!
WOOOOOOOOOO!
I have no further comment.
Wynken, Blyken and Nod.
How am I supposed to buy pot after Ron gets rid of my Social Security and Disability check?
It appears you WILL be able to stay home, brother, and plug in, turn on, and cop out after all.
Is Santorum down with the pot?
Yeah, the pot his indentured-servant/wife-unit boils the clothes in. He won't buy her a washing machine because "Jesus didn't have one."
Wait…so this means there could be AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE living on the tip of my finger? Would you sell me some pot?
Pizza slinger!
HONKEY
Shitty pizza merchant!
DEAD HONKEY!
Paul also announced that he was disbanding the R3volution and would instead tour with an all-black-conservative PAC called the N3w Pow3r G3n3ration. He will be changing his name to the chemical symbol "Au".
Please, no ass-less pants like the Purple One at the MTV Awards.
And he's thinkin' that won't bomb like AuH2O did in '64?
Ron Paul/Tommy Chong 2012!
"Sort of grabs you by the boo-boo, don't it?"
Can ex-cons run for Veep? Tommy's a menace to society, man.
Reporter: Tommy tell me about your record
Tommy: How did you find about that,
With all due props to the Cheech and Chong hit, Basketball Jones.
agreed. libertarians seem to view this as consistency on Paul's part. of course, they also view everything in black and white. ymmv.
wake me up when they legalize the good drugs…zzz…snore…
OTC Oxycontin… or GTFO!
That'll keep the conservatards home on election day.
that would totally ruin my life…and the life of Rush's dealer.
Not the Atlantic Ideas Conference!?
Tell him to say 'hi' to the tastefully named Brookings Felllow for me.
Bong Hits for Jesus. That is, Jesus, my gardener! He grows some great shit.
Has Ron Paul started a get the pot head registered to vote thingy?
Because , ya that 'll happen.
Well hey, they all showed up for California's pot legalization vote. Oh wait, no they didn't.
/wrists. i know right?
Maybe if we set up Chipotle catering buses to drive towards various voting precincts we can turn that around. It'd be like the freaking Pied Piper of whatever, but with more drowned stoners.
Yeah, us thirtysomethings are still very, very pissed at the baby boomers here in CA that had no problem whatsoever toking up back in the day (or currently in my parent's case) and yet gave the middle finger to the rest of us by voting NO.
Just don't let Monsanto in on this.
Yah-hoo, Mountain Dew! Oh, wait, that makes fun of "crackers." I mean "rednecks." I mean "southern persons."
Survivors of the war of northern agression?
What's that sound? The sound of Northern California's gut wrenching cry of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
I'd read this article, but I'm too high.
Jukesgrrl is too damn high.
And so's the rent, now that you reminded me.
Still better than the odious "Hawaiian pizza."
oh those laughable, loveable, lame Libertarians! they use "legalize pot" as a gateway drug for voters & money — but when they get a whiff of power from the insane RepugliKKKans they drop everything!
Congress is 420 friendly, who knew. Do you think Ron and Barney were sparking a fatty and then all relaxed like smoking pole.
Being high makes that shit sandwich Paul is feeding you taste totally AMAZING.
Ususually the stoner vote is non-existent. The were going to vote, but then they got high.
Since Cantor and Kyl have tried to give Boehner a leadership turban wedgie (no surprise – see donner_froh's prescient post about the lean and hungry Cassius ~ 2/3s the way down) by bolting from the bipartisan debt ceiling talks, do you think the speaker will see if he can get Ron Paul and Barney Frank to join in a bipartisan bong hits for Boner campaign?
And to think, when that came out, you could get a oz. of Acapulco Gold for 15 bucks. Or so I've heard.
I smoked pot for a month one night.
Legalize pot? Man, that's cool. I, really, like am cool with that idea, dudes. Good idea, dudes. That makes smoking pot not against the legal and the cops, right? I think that's a good idea. Pass the fatty again.
As someone with depression and anxiety who has found the prescription meds I've been prescribed have side effects which make them not worth it; primarily the inability to wake up in the morning, which would've made me regularly late for work if it hadn't luckily been back when I was living with my parents; this is a big yes.
With apologies to Afroman…
I was gonna vote in 2012 until I got high
I gonna get up and find the polling place but then I got high
my country is still messed up and I know why
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]
I guess the Honey Pot is running dry so they figured they'd grift the stoners now. These motherfuckers can't seem to be able to take a shit without asking somebody for money.
This is nothing harmless about a hungry man, believe you me. This man has left the house during snowstorms at 3 AM for fastfood.
BTW, methinks "R3VOLUTION" is a lot like "Fourthmeal" in that it really is Hippiese.
They're still worth about that.
We've got medical marijuana here in Michigan, the the Republican-controlled government is pissed that there isn't much they can do about it. They want so badly to invalidate the law but they can't. Better yet, the Michigan law legalizing it was so ambiguous that it allows just about anything. We've got dispenseries out the ass. Our capital city has something like 50 of them, and the city is only a bit over 100,000 people.
i wonder if weed would be legal in Galt's Gulch.
I admit that I don't know very much about Ron Paul. I think he's an old guy with a big nose (I *am* thinking of the right guy, aren't I?), and I believe he styles himself as some kind of libertarian — which, going by every libertarian I have ever met, means he's a Republican who likes to smoke weed and doesn't have the balls to admit he's a Republican.
However, I will say this is a nice change of pace. Insofar as there's any public discourse about marijuana, ever, it's something thoughtful and nuanced like, "Marijuana: Threat or Menace?", and the only debate is about who's more vehemently against "drugs". And even that is only when they can bear to tear themselves away from their other two discussions of how *much* to cut taxes to the wealthiest 2% and whether St. Raygun's taint should be licked clockwise or counterclockwise.
It's nice to have the discussion, no doubt, but good folks like us could never vote for folks like this. Just saw Gary Johnson – whos entire campaign is based around weed legalization – who goes all sensible with legalization, but in the next sentence wants to cut Medicare spending by 42% and "return it to the states" where, of course, it would die.
Yes, but 40 years ago, the people who smoked pot were hippies; therefore pot is immoral, unlike tobacco.
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