WE ARE ALL RACISTS NOW  1:35 pm June 23, 2011

Herman Cain Calls Jon Stewart Racist For Quoting Stupid Thing Cain Said

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

try to paraphrase to avoid racismDeep dish fan Herman Cain is very offended that anybody would take some ludicrous words he said at face value, which is something only racists do. Teevee comedian Jon Stewart made fun of a weird, pointless thing Herman Cain said about how he will not allow bills longer than three pages through Congress. Cain said, “I am only going to allow small bills — three pages. You’ll have time to read that one over the dinner table.” Stewart made fun of this inane statement, prompting Cain to call Stewart a racist who hates black conservatives. This is how we will define racism from now on, starting today: any time you quote someone saying stupid things, you are a racist. (Everyone is racist against Sarah Palin!) 

From Cain’s speech in Iowa, reported by ThinkProgress:

I said, well, Sean [Hannity], first of all if [Stewart] really thinks that I’m serious about a bill only being three pages the joke’s on him. And I said secondly as far as him mocking me look I’ve been called every name in the book because I’m a conservative, because I’m black.

Sticks and stone may break my bones, words are not going to hurt me. I was on that radio show because a happen to be an American black conservative. I labeled myself. I’m an American Black Conservative, an A-B-C. They keep trying to put labels on me. I have been called “Uncle Tom,” “sell out,” “Oreo,” “shameless.” So the fact that he wants to mock me because I happen to be a black conservative, in the words of my Grandfather, “I does not care. I does not care.”

What does any of this mean? Stewart doesn’t even actually call Cain any names in the segment. Whatever, nobody is allowed to criticize that black Obama guy, so they aren’t allowed to criticize Herman Cain, either. [ThinkProgress]

 
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{ 223 comments }

nounverb911 June 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Don't quote me, bro!

Lascauxcaveman June 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

I'm sure pointing this out totally makes me a racist, but someone claiming he's a victim because somebody else accurately quoted him is reaching palinistic levels of inanity.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Wasn't it Newt who came up with the idea? That anyone who quoted what he said was lying?

Chillwaver June 23, 2011 at 1:38 pm

3 Pages? Sweet Jeebus, Herman; it's a bill, not a fucking pizza menu!

Nothingisamiss June 23, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I remember when he said this during the "debate" I thought "My damn cable bill is longer than three pages."

Ignorance is the pursuit of the presidency is no vice, blackness is no virtue.

OneDollarJuana June 23, 2011 at 1:43 pm

And just like your cable bill, the Republican bills will be loaded with extra charges that you didn't know were coming, or that they just stuck in to see if you'd notice.

DustBowlBlues June 23, 2011 at 1:50 pm

This is an easy one. He watched that movie "Too Big To Fail" and when William Hurt (a very believable Paulson) sent the bill to congress, he was flabbergasted when congress complained that "it was too short."

So, for Herman, the takeaway on a movie that must have impressed as being something really smart people would understand and used it.

genxr June 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

It's a cheap-ass pizza chain menu with a color-by-numbers on the back. Most places I eat at have 4 page menus at least, not counting the wine list.

jus_wonderin June 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I bet we only get a choice of three toppings.

Rosie_Scenario June 23, 2011 at 1:38 pm

According to Cain: "I’m an American Black Conservative, an A-B-C." And how dare anyone put labels on him. Also.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 1:44 pm

A.B.C

Asshole-Bonehead-Cunt bag?

OneDollarJuana June 23, 2011 at 1:44 pm

I got some A-B-C gum, too, but I'm not going to elect it President.

Sparky_McGruff June 23, 2011 at 2:33 pm

A-B-C. Easy as Dumb-Fuck-in-a-Tree.

benjo765 June 25, 2011 at 6:27 am

Americano Black no-Cream. ask your barrister – the only drink where they pay you, for selling out!

Nothingisamiss June 23, 2011 at 1:38 pm

If we didn't have Palin, I'd spend time wondering what this foolish man meant.

He and Gringrich need to team up for the "Don't Quote Me Tour."

PuckStopsHere June 23, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I have been called “Uncle Tom,” “sell out,” “Oreo,” “shameless.”
This pretty much covers it, doesn't it? Anybody have anything to add? Odd to hear a repube telling the truth, tho.

Gopherit June 23, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Herman, if you'd stop nuzzling teabagger nutsack, you might lose the Uncle Tom and Oreo labels……but I don't think you can do anything to shake people from thinking you are stupid. Anyone who saw the full context of your "three page" bills remark knows that's true.

GOPCrusher June 23, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Racist to hate black conservatives? Since the list only consists of Alan Keyes, Ron Christie, and Herman Cain, it can hardly be considered racist.

OneDollarJuana June 23, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I can expand that list by 33.3%. Michael Steele.

SorosBot June 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Steele's a bit too moderate for the wingnuts though; they've disowned him.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 23, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Don't forget corrupt Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.
~

GunToting[Redacted] June 23, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Doesn't count! Don't you know that Supreme Court justices (or at least 5 of them) are impartial and only call "balls and strikes?"

GOPCrusher June 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Is he really alive, or just Scalia's sock puppet?

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Oklahoma!

Proving it's not just the honkeys in the Sooner State that are crazy.

drrty_martini June 23, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Or repressed homos. I KNOW WHAT THAT LOOK MEANS.

Chillwaver June 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Speaking of GOP long-shots who don't like to be quoted verbatim, Michelle Bachmann also thinks 3-page bills are ridiculous. She wants bumper sticker-sized bills!

PsycWench June 23, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Or for those longer bills, we could have pamphlets,

GOPCrusher June 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Michele Bachmann is formally announcing her candidacy in her hometown of Waterloo, Iowa today.
Which in itself is hilarious since it's the red headed stepchild of Iowa because of it's union membership and reputation as a tough labor town.

chicken_thief June 23, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Michelle has an excuse, though – with those crazy eyes, it's hard to focus on the written word for more than a paragraph or two.

Swampgas_Man June 23, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Reading longer bills makes her lips hurt.

Boredw/Gravitas June 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm

The new republican mantra — "Don't directly quote us on anything we say, ever."

SayItWithWookies June 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I've been racist against idiots for a long time now — and if they think they're underrepresented in government, that's just more confirmation that I'm racist against them. Because they're idiots.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 1:42 pm

“shameless" is now a slur? What ever happened to the good ol' fashioned ones my grandad used? Like "tootsie"?

(I'm snarking here so pleeeeeeease don't beat me up)

Crank_Tango June 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

what does dustin hoffman have to do with this? Or Jessica Lange, for that matter…….

LionHeartSoyDog June 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

"Toot toot tootsie roll…"

freakishlywrong June 23, 2011 at 1:42 pm

I hate Conservatives regardless of color.
But, seriously dude, you have to be a real self-hater to be a Con if you're not white and xtian. Because, unlike Jon Stewart, they hate you for being black.

mourningnmerica June 23, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Agreed. Black Republicans are the same as Jews for Hitler.

BklynIlluminati June 23, 2011 at 1:43 pm

At least he went full idiot and used the race card. also his latest act of tardation is he was quoted as saying when he gets elected (cold day in hell) that he will appoint oil barons, coal executives, and other assorted miscreants to his staff to figure out ways to reign in the EPA.

Schmannnity June 23, 2011 at 1:43 pm

This after eight years of mocking Whites in the form of George W. Bush.

nounverb911 June 23, 2011 at 1:43 pm

"“I am only going to allow small bills"
Do you know who else only allowed small bills?

imissopus June 23, 2011 at 1:45 pm

The girls over at the Seventh Veil?

genxr June 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Not true! Pull out a hundy in the champagne room, and they'll go the extra mile.

LesPaultard June 23, 2011 at 1:49 pm

The guy who robbed a bank to get health care?

Mahousu June 23, 2011 at 1:53 pm

That guy delivering from Godfather's Pizza?

Oh, wait …

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The Open Pantry between 10 pm & 6 am?

widestanceroman June 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Monica L.?

RedneckMuslin June 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Daisy Duck?

ifthethunderdontgetya June 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm

HITLER!!!
~

Crank_Tango June 23, 2011 at 2:03 pm

rod blagojevich?

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Not many of these cats.
http://www.banknotes365.com/

Chillwaver June 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Sarah Palin, back when she was running for Miss Alaska?

Papa_Uniform June 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm

George Washington?

GOPCrusher June 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Subway?

AJWjr. June 23, 2011 at 4:07 pm

My g-string?

GregComlish June 23, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Dr. Pepper?

C_R_Eature June 23, 2011 at 9:15 pm

The first National Bank of Lilliput?

ifthethunderdontgetya June 23, 2011 at 1:44 pm

If the clown shoes fit, wear 'em, Herman.
~

Gleem_McShineys June 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm

If the clown shoes fit, wear 'em, Herman. you must acquit.

NOW THAT'S RACIST!

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Oh, so what now? You're saying that black men have big feet, is that is?

RedneckMuslin June 23, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I thought racism was over since we got the black president. And, a black conservative running for pres.

DemmeFatale June 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Yes, yes Herman. Keep talking. Sure sounds like "I does not care."
Way to pull the grandfather card.
On this.
I'm sure your family is really proud.

freakishlywrong June 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Actually, it's the "Godfather" card…

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The Republicans 2012: everyone's a Fredo.

proudgrampa June 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. I HATE these fuckers who call up the race card. Fuck you, Cain, you supercilious son of a bitch.

Chet Kincaid June 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Herman Cain should just put on some gloves and glue on a handlebar mustache and start yelling "THE BILL IS TOO DAMN LONG!!"

Yes, I am racist against you, My Brother.

Mumbletypeg June 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

And Cain is too damn high. High on himself.

Chillwaver June 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm

No snark here. Fux News' headline actually is "Jon Stewart Under Fire for Herman Cain Race Joke." http://nation.foxnews.com/hermain-cain/2011/06/23

Gleem_McShineys June 23, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Translating the term "Under Fire" and "Race Joke" from tabloid wankery to English:

"Jon Stewart Suffers Hyperventilating Criticism for Herman Cain Short Bill Dumb Quote"

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Chet, Chet, Chet, my poor, misinformed dusky friend, don't you know that you're supposed to be horribly offended by Jon Stewart's unspeakably racist "Amos n Andy" impression of Cain?

Here, let the nice folks at Fox explain it to you in small words, because they care about racial insensitivity.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Man, I miss that guy.

mourningnmerica June 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Have you ever seen Herman Cain and Jimmy McMillan in the same room at the same time?

Native_of_SL_UT June 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Dear Herman, we don't mock you because you're black.
We mock you because you're stupid.
We mock Newt because you're black, though.

ManchuCandidate June 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm

You see Herman, I'm not racist. I'm a stupidist.

Not Stupidest (although I think some people would probably agree.)

Pragmatist2 June 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Cain is right. We should be clear that we are mocking him because he is a profoundly stupid man. Oh, yes, and a jerk-Despite the fact that he is apparently of African descent ( he has not yet released his birth certificate).

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Stuntin'.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm

An asshole of a different color. Meh.

Texan_Bulldog June 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm

And then after the interview, Sean made Herman dance a jig for him.

Seriously, though, Michael Steele will always be my #1 Oreo.

MLHencken June 23, 2011 at 3:48 pm

There can be only one Notorious G.O.P.

mog253 June 23, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Very Gangs of New York.

Come here a minute June 23, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Herman Cain is racist against his grandfather.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 23, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Haven't you heard Herman? Rush said there is no racism in this country.

Beowoof June 23, 2011 at 1:50 pm

We could call this Sarah Deluison Syndrome. A disease in which direct quoting of political morans is an attack on the politician.

MLHencken June 23, 2011 at 3:48 pm

STOP LISTENING TO HIM WHEN HE SAYS THINGS.

OkieDokieDog June 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I can easily overlook Mr. Cain's blackness, however, I find it impossible to overlook his ignorance.

In the words of my Grandmother, "Some men are just stupid honey, so avoid them best you can."

Wilcoxyz June 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

You know who else maxed out at three pages? Mark Foley.

Crank_Tango June 23, 2011 at 2:00 pm

too soon!

GOPCrusher June 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Huzzah!

smokefilledroommate June 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm

He attacked you because you're stupid. Not because you're black.

Gleem_McShineys June 23, 2011 at 2:22 pm

And even the word "attacked" is getting pretty close to Hannitized hyperbole.

It was at best mild mockery, hardly worth the million-dollar FOX propaganda programming time spent on it, wasting valuable teatard-hypnotizing resources when they could be inventing some other yellow journalism "scandals" against real targets, like Obama, Soros, or ACORN.

Giveusabob June 23, 2011 at 1:53 pm

In my words too, "I does not care. I does not care."

OneYieldRegular June 23, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Slightly OT, but I have never in my life understood that "sticks and stones" aphorism (least of all now, in the incomprehensible context in which Cain is using it). It's always seemed to me to be at best awkwardly constructed, and in substance almost exactly backwards.

Crank_Tango June 23, 2011 at 1:59 pm

well OneYield, what it means is that if you really want to hurt someone you have to break their bones, using implements such as sticks and stones, and not mere words.

GunToting[Redacted] June 23, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Dibs!

FlownOver June 23, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Where do I sign up, and is someone going to hold PizzaClown down or do we have to use the stix 'n' stones on the run?

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Typical liberal fascist, endorsing the lynching of a black conservative.

I just want him to be surveyed.

HistoriCat June 23, 2011 at 3:00 pm

If you really want to hurt Cain you'll force him to eat some of that Godfather's pizza.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm

"Can't we all just get along and screw the poor"

-Herman Cain-

DaRooster June 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Check the folks that actually called you Oreo and Uncle Tom for racism… Dipstick.

genxr June 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

No, Cain, we're not saying all black people are stupid. Just you.

As a counter example, consider the reasoning offered by conservative commentators who opine on why Obama got 98% of the black vote…

ganmerlad June 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

This guy seriously identifies himself as black. And conservative. What else does he do?

[redacted]hse June 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Clubs the halibut?

SorosBot June 23, 2011 at 1:56 pm

It's just like any insults against Queen Sarah are labeled sexist, even though most have nothing to do with her gender.

Since the conservatives like to ignore real sexism and racism, and attack people who point out real racism for "playing the race card", they also are quick to label any attacks on black or woman conservatives as racist or sexist when they have nothing to do with race or sex.

BlueMonkeh June 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm

I am ashamed of my gender because of the likes of Palin, Bachmann and McHose.

HistoriCat June 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Meh. I found it easier to just be ashamed of humanity – it works regardless of race, gender, etc.

jjdaddyo June 23, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Herman Cain, takin' it to Hymie Town…

mavenmaven June 23, 2011 at 1:56 pm

OK, Herman, we got it. Now when will you appear on Dancing with the Stars?

BlueMonkeh June 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Next thing you know, Herman will find out that Jon Stewart mocked Anthony Weiner because he's an anti-semite.

Yutz.

Crank_Tango June 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Quote libel!

pinkocommi June 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm

"…if [Stewart] really thinks that I’m serious about a bill only being three pages the joke’s on him."

I saw the clip on the Daily Show where Herman Cain very clearly, adamantly and without any inflection of humor said he wanted to limit bills to only 3 pages. I guess the joke's on me, too.

I now will make fun of Herman Cain, not because he is black or conservative, but because his pants are on fire.

genxr June 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

The joke is also on all of his supporters who applauded him right then and there, when they should have been laughing hysterically.

Rarian Rakista June 23, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I always get nervous when conservatives laugh. There is a reason why there is no right wing equivalent of Jon Stewart, even if Glenn Beck tried really hard in that arena for some time.

Banelm June 24, 2011 at 12:32 am

Good point. What makes a sociopath laugh?

fuflans June 23, 2011 at 2:36 pm

and he doesn't do satirical wit.

DaRooster June 23, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I have noticed that Jon Stewart is prejudiced, the exact same as me… against STUPIDITY. And that has absolutely NOTHING to do with your race or belief system. Unless of course your beliefs are stupid… like being a Black Conservative… (they don't like you… they just may be racists… no… really, it's true.)

Chet Kincaid June 23, 2011 at 2:02 pm

"I does not care"? Cain's Gramps was an LOL cat?

I call bullshit. This sounds like something a white guy trying to fake ignorant old black dialect would come up with.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Yeah, I'm not an expert on black American dialects, so it is entirely possible that there is an area of the country in which "I does not care" sound perfectly natural, but it sounds sort of forced.

I wish he had taken it farther, though – like "I be not carin' 'bout nothin' no mo's." Just stone cold throwing apostrophes into ever'thing.

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 2:24 pm

See, Sarah Palin is bilingual. She's fluent in Backwoods Impoverished Southern American English.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Sarah's a g-droppin' homegirl. Also speaks fluent Derpish.

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Well, you see, Stewart did sort of imitate Cain's voice and cadence of speech, which, according to Cain, was equivalent to an "Amos and Andy type brogue," WHICH WAS EXACTLY LIKE DOING A BLACKFACE MINSTREL SHOW!!!!!!!!

Also, as we know from Breitbart, liberals are all racists. Something about plantations, too. That's why so many blacks vote D.

imissopus June 23, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Chris Wallace made the same Amos 'N Andy reference on Fox News Sunday when he interviewed Jon Stewart and brought up this bit. So I guess it's the talking point Fox has passed on to Cain and his campaign.

DaRooster June 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

He probably initially watched it and laughed… then Faux told him he should be outraged… being an idiot (no, not because he's black) he's raising hell now.

weejee June 23, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Were this all in print and set in the bottom of the cage, parakeets would refuse to use.

mormos June 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

who are these people? how do they exist? am I on acid?

Peace in our time June 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I'm hitting the amino acid pretty hard and I still don't understand the conservatards.

Banelm June 24, 2011 at 12:35 am

Several times a day, I'm struck by the sheer improbability that people this dumb can drive home safely. How do they survive in the modern world?

benjo765 June 25, 2011 at 6:14 am

Energy Drinks and SatNav. The rest pretty much takes care of itself.

widestanceroman June 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm

I'm really sad that his insane rant announcing his candidacy has not gotten more press. It was, all snark aside, terrifying. The scream that ended Howard Dean's run was sub-audible compared to the maniacal screaming of 'free at last, free at last' (never mind that King's words were robbed by a lunatic).

freakishlywrong June 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm

These fucking Conservatives and their princess and the pea sensitivity. When someone dare to question them.

ArmoredBore June 23, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Please, excuse me while my head explodes ala Scanners. You might wanna get a tarp.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 4:37 pm

It's a TARP!

mormos June 23, 2011 at 2:06 pm

how about "corporate failure"?

DerrickWildcat June 23, 2011 at 2:06 pm

He is clearly not afraid of life.

Crank_Tango June 23, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Too long! Epithets must be kept to under three words.

Beetagger June 23, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Aren't Epithets those little military thingies that Michael Jackson used to wear on his shoulders?

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

No, those were "prepubescents"

Swampgas_Man June 23, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Naw, "epithets" are things you write on a tombstone, which Cain's career desperately needs.

Not_So_Much June 23, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Dissembling Fuckhead?

mumbly_joe June 23, 2011 at 2:07 pm

But… but… but… Herman Cain just accused John Stewart, who is white, of being a racist! And I learned from Andrew Breitbart that accusing white people of racism is the real racism.

So that means, by syllogism… Herman Cain really is a racist, after all! I feel so vindicated I should take over someone's press conference to gloat about it.

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 2:21 pm

We must therefore conclude that the racist Herman Cain is in fact a LIBERAL PLANT who has infiltrated the GOP to make it look racist!!!!!!!

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Wheels within wheels… on my pimped-out whip.

mumbly_joe June 23, 2011 at 2:32 pm

WE NEED TO DEPLOY FROM THE DILDOBOATS AND START TAMPERING WITH PHONES UNTIL WE GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

Dressed like the cast of a 1970's blacksplotation film, naturally.

genxr June 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm

He obviously slept through the ridicule we gave everyone who claimed the health care bill was too long to read.

DerrickWildcat June 23, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Oh, I almost forgot, Hannity is the biggest race baitin' prick on Fox.

Beetagger June 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm

No Herm, we aren't racist. We just hate cocksucking republicans who can't say the word shit even when there mouths are full of it.

chascates June 23, 2011 at 2:12 pm

This is good news for Alan Keyes.

sportshort June 23, 2011 at 2:12 pm

"I hereby declare it ILLEGAL to quote anything I say on the grounds that I had no prior knowledge of my thought patterns and cannot be held accountable for words that are processed through this fallible device of mouth and brain. If I manage to say something intelligent it is strictly random and that should be quoted instead. This is the law as I see it and I have stated so on no occasion."

SorosBot June 23, 2011 at 2:28 pm

He's joining Newt Gingrich in calling directly quoting him a slanderous and lying.

Guppy06 June 23, 2011 at 2:13 pm

No no no, Obama is the "American Black Conservative" in this race. You're a member of the reactionary fascist elite. There, now don't you feel better?

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 2:14 pm

You guys, he said he doesn't care. And obviously he doesn't, because he's talking about it, in public. If there was ever a way to express how little you care about something, talking about it in a public forum is it!

thefrontpage June 23, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Cain is a moron, his pizza sucked, he's a moron, he's an idiot, and he's a poseur. And he's a racist for calling Jon Stewart a racist. He knows nothing about government and politics. He has no call running for president, or any other political office.

And his restaurants suck.

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Tell me more about the pizza, George.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Herman Cain is right. Hey, look, we have a black President, right? And it's not like Republicans would ever make fun of him! Especially not through impressions!

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Not only was Reggie Brown black (presumed; I'm still suspicious), his name is Brown. That's like double-plus-protection against being called a racist for saying racist things about someone of a minority race.

mormos June 23, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I don’t understand this Herman Cain. What is his major malfunction? The others I understand: Mittens and T-Paw are legitimate politicians (if boring and unappealing) with a legitimate desire for office, Trump and the grifter are (were) just in it for the attention, and Bachmann and O’Donnell are insane. These are all comprehendible motivations, but this Cain character? What is he doing? He is a failed CEO with no political experience and (to my knowledge) no political aspirations up to this point. He can’t possibly win, which he must know, and lacks a dynamic enough personality to stay in (make money off of) the news when his bid is over (say what you will, but the grifter bitch knows how to draw attention to herself). So what is his endgame? Does he have one? Is he just doing what he is told? Is he just enjoying the ride? What the hell is going on here?! SOMEONE TELL ME!!!

horsedreamer_1 June 23, 2011 at 2:28 pm

He's a more &/or less self-aware Alvin Greene.

Nothingisamiss June 23, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Although he runs on the statement "I'm not a politician," that is because he had a failed attempt senate run in…..2006(?) here in Georgia. So, more aptly, "I'm not a politician because I couldn't get elected anywhere, so that's how I know how to run the whole country."

As to what the hell he's doing? Your questions say it all…..WTF is he trying to game here? Previously, for the last few years, he's been making big-ish bucks as a radio show host and he gave "uplifting" speeches. Previously, I hear he was getting $5,000 per speech, now, I'm guessing he'll get quite a bit more in boookings and grift.

(I remember thinking "$5,000 per speech? I wouldn't even know who the fuck he was if he wasn't related to someone I know.")

spinozasgod June 23, 2011 at 2:41 pm

3 words…..Fox News gig…..

Chet Kincaid June 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Read his wiki page, he has been elbowing his way into Republican politics since the '90s, and grifting in front of teabaggers has been profitable enough in the last 3 years to convince him to take a shot. Remember, running for office is at least a scam to get your room, board and per diems comped for a few years if not for a term or too. Plus, I'm sure he has a big, long, thick, shiny ego, just like every other douchebag/douchebaguette frontrunning for the Reagan Crown, and gets off on having it polished by the likes of FOX as often as possible.

Besides that, for these black conservatives, it feels somehow liberating to go against the community grain, and I think their egotistical defense mechanism dysfunction blinds them to how they're being used. "It's not me! YOU are the one on the Democrat Plantation! The Kochs are giving me money because I'm a Free Black Man!!"

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm

That second paragraph needs to be, if not carved in stone, at least enshrined on a Facebook page somewhere.

mormos June 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm

wise wonketteer is wise

SorosBot June 23, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Besides the money, he's there as a token, so that Republican primary voters can say they support him and go, "so see, we're not racist, we'd vote for that black guy," though they won't actually vote for him. I'm just not sure if Cain's self-aware enough to realize this or not.

chicken_thief June 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I have a couple of Teabagger friends. They have trouble hiding their little chubbies when talking about Cain and his "good ideas". Of course, not many candidates are left since Mittens is a commie, T-Paw is…zzzzzzzzzzzzz, Mama G took her toys and went home, and Newt is too busy shopping at Tiffany's to focus on a campaign, so I guess they have to put their hope into someone.

mavenmaven June 23, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I suppose there won't be trouble unless they try that costume on him that they used on Bristol…

smitallica June 23, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Psst, Herman…spoiler alert. The Democrats aren't the party made up mostly of people who don't like blacks. Just FYI.

ingloriousbytch June 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I can't wait for Larry Wilmore to serve this guy a piping hot cup of STFU.

ttommyunger June 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Right, Herman; A-B-C: Almost Became a Candidate (but not even close, really).

prommie June 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm

As a succesful businessman, he reminds me of Michael Scott from The Office.

WhatTheHeck June 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

How about “Clueless neophyte.”
Wait. For a moment I forgot if I was referring to Sarah Palin or Herman Cain. Whatever.

CZL June 23, 2011 at 6:35 pm

A derp of one, a half-herp of the other.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

“I does not care. I does not care.”

What was grandad Amos Jones?

DashboardBuddha June 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Feets don't fail me now!

Radiotherapy® June 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Is it racist to say his pizza sucked?

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Not only racist, but sexist as well. Don't ask me why. If you don't know, that means that you hate people with disabilities.

natoslug June 23, 2011 at 2:46 pm

And those are just the labels his mom gave him. I can't imagine what the rest of the world thinks of him.

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Jon Stewart is the worst racist since Shirley Sherrod. On the other hand, it's just harmless satire when Fox says Obama is inviting "Hoods" to the "White Hizzouse"

Edit: Eric Bolling, the host involved, did issue this non-apology apology: ""We got a little fast and loose with the language, and we know it's been interpreted as being disrespectful, and for that, I'm sorry"

Sorry if anyone got the wrong idea, especially those darkies, who are sooooo touchy all the time.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 4:42 pm

"We know you're interpreting it wrong, and I'm sorry that you are doing that."

Weenus299 June 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm

As Abraham Lincoln said, "If you are a racist, then I will attack you with the North."

Lucidamente1 June 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm

You can't say Herman Cain isn't looking out for the brothers: he just handed Larry Wilmore a whole segment on the next Daily Show.

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Affirmative action once again raises its ugly head.

Tonight's show should be fun. No cable here, so I have to watch it online tomorrow.

One wonders–having already done card tricks and an overdrawn debit card to deconstruct the metaphor, I'm predicting Willmore will have a musical Hallmark race card soon. In Cain's case, it would play a shrill, tinny tune with an insincere sentiment.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

#notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Sue4466 June 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

"I’m an American Black Conservative, an A-B-C." But don't put labels on me. Especially not "lacks a sense of irony."

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 3:49 pm

How about "Kick Me"?

franco_pinyon June 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

You can't create much of a tax loophole in three pages.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Some of my best friends are chewy candy.

bflrtsplk June 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Two large extra cheese, heavy on the anchovies. Make it snappy, Herman!

__kth__ June 23, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Contrary to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, the **only** people who make spurious accusations of racism–Clarence Thomas, Michael Steele, Herman Cain–are black conservatives.

Zombie_Reagan June 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

If Herm kept bills to three pages or less, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 would not have been passed, and bills that TeaTards love so much, the PATRIOT Act and both Bush Tax Cuts would not have been passed.

Oh, and one of the last pieces of legislation three pages or less? The TARP Act. LMAO.

elburritodeluxe June 23, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Why does Cain have to pick on Jewish Americans? Why is HE such a racist.

[redacted]hse June 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Cain, you fuckin' Oreo. How's that for racist, Boy?

Redhead June 23, 2011 at 3:18 pm

"What does any of this mean?"

It means he's starting a Palin-cycle. Draw media attention by saying something idiotic which is then quoted verbatim, scream about blood libel and being the victim of the lamestream media in irrational, nonsensical (televised/publicized) rants, drawing more media attention to yourself as your latest idiocy is reported, repeat.

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 3:21 pm

In the future, time will be measured in Palincycles

comrad_darkness June 24, 2011 at 5:56 am

Not Palindromes?

fuflans June 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm

i have nothing to add as you people are brilliant.

except i could eat pizza for 12 meals a week and i wouldn't touch godfather's pizza. or domino's for that matter.

Billmatic June 23, 2011 at 3:45 pm

It's amazing how black republicans don't even know how to play the race card.

Tundra Grifter June 23, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Yes, according to the right wing nutz only Progressives play The Race Card.

However, it is become clear Mr. Cain isn't playing with a full deck.

EBGrey June 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Herman "ABC" Cain done played the race canard.

KeepFnThatChicken June 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I don't get it… if Republicans swear that they don't see race, then why the fuck is he talking about this?

GOPCrusher June 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Calling Jon Stewart a racist should enhance Herman Cain's chances of becoming our next President. Maybe next, he'll accuse the African-American community of being "house nigras" to the Democratic Party.

DemonicRage June 23, 2011 at 4:21 pm

This rising talent moves to the head of the crowded Republican pack of clones for independent thinking. It will be the solution to all the problems America faces when someone of his calibre is sworn in as Commander-in-Chief, and how relieved all of those elderly citizens who never felt comfortable with the exotic Unicorn President will be. I'm ordering one of this special pizzas he makes, right now.

anniegetyerfun June 23, 2011 at 4:43 pm

That depends… did you want olives?

Swampgas_Man June 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm

How about "This Year's Alan Keyes"?

KommunistKitty June 23, 2011 at 5:24 pm

"shameless" is now officially the most blistering racial slur anybody has used ever.

MaxUdargo June 23, 2011 at 5:49 pm

He does have a point. Jon Stewart has never mocked anybody except for that one time he mocked Herman Cain. Why else would Stewart single him out if not for his race?

Tundra Grifter June 23, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Cain said, “I am only going to allow small bills…"

Hey, Herman! These days that's all we have left!

user-of-owls June 23, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Oreo pizza??! That is Fucking Disgusting.

Which, by happenstance, is yet another appropriate label.*

*The judges would also accept, "De-Scotmanized Walnuts."

problemwithcaring June 23, 2011 at 7:10 pm

So Juan Williams and Faux news are equally enraged when Jon Stewart does "racially-charged" Barack Obama impressions as well, right? Right??????

Rod_Torfulson June 23, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Does he know that more than one variety of Oreos exist?
Golden Oreos- he hates white people.
Chocolate creme Oreos- he hates black people.
Sugar free Oreos- he hates diabetics.

Doktor Zoom June 24, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Double-Stuft: He is Chris Christie.

Beck_is_Trig June 23, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Isn't this vapid cunt totally fucking convenient for teabaggers? He's polling lower than even Newt is, yet wingnuts will pretend the exist of this douche proves they aren't racist. Baugh! I say to that….first off, if wingnuts weren't often racist (especially in the South/Southwest) they'd get more than 8% of the black vote and 20% of latinos. Okay, if one group opposes you it's of concern but meh, it happens. However, when EVERY SINGLE minority group opposes you in VAST numbers…it means you're probably racist. Oh and pizza-boy just proves the always massive victimhood grievance culture that defines right wingers…for all their bitching about criticisms against Obama being considered racism (which only happens when they say something racist) this sort of knee jerk claim by pizza-boy is pure, delicious irony….and wingnuts as shown are oblivious to yet live nothing but irony.

Doktor Zoom June 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm

You called him "boy." You're a racist.

ChapterUndVerse June 23, 2011 at 9:39 pm

This must mean Candidate Cain proposes that the signature page will be on p. 4, and everything else is guaranteed not to be read. This definitely reduced uncertainty about whether bills get read! I'm wondering where all the earmarks can go in a 3-page document…hey, this solves that little problem, also.

It's a pity that this isn't a plank. More like a splinter.

rocktonsam June 23, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Stewart can't be racist.

jooish already

Negropolis June 23, 2011 at 10:44 pm

I get tired of this "my grandma/grandpa always said" bullshit he keeps spewing. Better yet, the sayings he dredges up don't make any goddamned sense. He shames his grandparents by making them appear to be morons.

I'm getting really tired of this circus, the way the media gives attention to folks that clearly don't have any chance of winning even their party's nomination.

Herman Cain, eh? I does not care about him. I does not care, indeed.

I does not like him in a box
I does not like him whilst on FOX
I does not like him here or there
I does not like him anywhere

I does not like dis Herman Cain
I does not like him 'cause I'm sane!

flamingpdog June 26, 2011 at 11:38 pm

HIs grandpa said, "I does not care."? Jeeze, I always thought black conservatives like he and Clarence Thomas were just self-loathing, but it looks like he hates his ancestors, too!

Negropolis June 23, 2011 at 10:55 pm

That's racist!

Negropolis June 23, 2011 at 11:03 pm

I love how he's screaming racism when his most notable exposure thus far has been his bigoted/xenophobic comments about Muslims. Really, it just steams me up. It wasn't just something that could be construed as bigoted, it was a straight-out xenophobic comment only made worse by how he explained it at the debate.

These fuckers don't have any kind of self-reflection mode. It's really kind of crazy that I'm sure Cain grew up in a segregated South, the stupid motherfucker.

comrad_darkness June 24, 2011 at 5:51 am

I suppose only black dems can be accused of playing the race card.

notreelyhelping June 24, 2011 at 11:30 am

Often, we hear people described as having a one-track mind or being one-dimensional. This guy has a mind like a Mobius strip:
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"You say I'm stupid because you're racist."
"No, I didn't say you're stupid. I said your statment makes no logical sense."
"You said it's illogical because you're racist."
"There's no possible causal link between logically analyzing that statement and race."
"You apply causal thinking because you're racist."
"Blue."
"Racist."
"Red."
"Racist."
"Black."
"See? That's what I'm talking about."

ragnarok4msm June 24, 2011 at 4:00 pm

STupid things said:Called Europe a country
Thinks Great Britain and England are the same
Thinks there is an Austrian language
The day before Cinco de Mayo is apparently "Cinco de Cuatro"
Filling out NCAA basketball bracket, he spells Syracuse "Sycacuse"
A self-proclaimed Chicago White Sox fan, Obama called Comiskey Park "Cominskey Field"
In a letter to a fan, misspells "advice" as "advise"
Coal creates asthma in kids? Breathalyzer's for kids with asthma?
"I've been in 57 states…I think one left to go."
Mispronouncing the word "corpsman" as "corpse-man", twice in the same speech
Gives a gift of incorrectly formatted DVD's to Gordon Brown
Names a tax cheat as Treasury Secretary
In introductions, forgets the name of his own Secretary of Defense
Tries to open a White House window thinking it's a door
Brain-freeze trying to figure out how to maneuver an umbrella through a gate
Attributed seances in the White House to Nancy Reagan
Thanks himself while reading the wrong line on the teleprompter
Fumbles through a teleprompter miscue at the National Academy of Sciences
Equates his terrible bowling to Special Olympics on Leno
Pronounced 10,000 dead from a Kansas storm when there were actually 12 deaths
Called Sioux Falls, SD "Sioux City"
Called Sunrise, FL "Sunshine"
"The time has changed for come!"
"John McCain is running for George Bush's fourth term."
"I'm here with the Girardo family here in St. Louis." – Obama, speaking from Kansas City
Confuses the Constitution for the DoI in his own SOTU speech (the supposed Constitutional scholar)
Cites the Constitution as having been written "twenty centuries" ago
In his own words, he's apparently able to see dead people in the audience (sounds like Dem vote counting)
His great uncle wasn't at Auschwitz as stated by Obama, he was at Buchenwald
Claimed his parents met because of the 1965 Selma march when they actually married in 1961
Credits a proverb imprinted on Oval Office rug to MLK. Its origin is from 19th century abolitionist Theodore Parker
Thought Emporer Hirohito was on the battleship Missouri signing Japanese terms of surrender
"Let me be absolutely clear…Israel is a strong friend of Israel's"
"Not having been there and not seeing all the facts…the Cambridge police acted stupidly."
"Texas has always been a pretty Republican state" – If "always" excludes about 120 years of Democratic history
"I wanna be very clear…that we are resolved to halt the rise of privacy." (pirates are okay though I guess)
"The reforms we seek would bring greater inefficiencies to our healthcare system." (a slip of truth for once)
Analogizes that the USPS is "always having problems", undercutting his own argument for government run healthcare
On the Daschle debacle – "…a mistake – probably not the first one I'm going to be making in this office."
States that inflating your tires and getting tuneups equates to the domestic oil that drilling would produce
Restaurant that Obama brags was saved by the stimulus closes the following week after 70 years of business
Confused the Presidential Medal of Freedom with the Congressional Medal of Honor
"The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries."
Sunday: "Iran does not pose a serious threat to us." – Monday: "The threat from Iran is grave."
In May of 2011, signs the Westminster Abbey guestbook and dates it May 2008
Makes a fool of himself in an awkward attempt to toast the Queen at Buckingham Palace
At state dinner for German Chancellor Merkel he botches another toast because he forgot it altogether
Obama declares we have a weak job market because of automated services; like ATM's and airport kiosks.
Relates that he presented the Medal of Honor personally to Afghanistan war hero Jared Monti – KIA 6-21-06

You Obama apologists can't defend this clown of a president, so don't even try.

Neilist_Returns June 26, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Yawn,

I hate when some poseur tries to be as annoying as moi.

flamingpdog June 26, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Guns 'n' Roses for you, Neilist.

benjo765 June 25, 2011 at 6:03 am

Gees Stewart! Who said you're supposed to take Stuff prez candidates say seriously?? When they say something that makes no sense/ is stupid, its CLEARLY just a joke about the lamestream medias super liberal commie bias. duh.

benjo765 June 25, 2011 at 6:09 am

I think that was a misquote. Pretty sure he said triple-stuffed oreo. A love sandwich inc walnuts, cheney and mormon jesus.

Though in all fairness you probably have to question federal governments repeal of Jim Crow Laws before you deserve that accolade.

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