Anthony Weiner Scandal Caused By His Secret Conversion To Islam

  crazy batshit nonsense

Was anyone else wondering during this Anthony Weiner scandal whether this whole thing was because Jewish Anthony Weiner is secretly a Muslim? Right-wing “Islam expert” Robert Spencer thinks so, because here is what he knows: Weiner is sneaky, exactly like a secret Muslim would be. And he is married to a Muslim woman, which means he automatically converted to terrorism in his sleep right after Bill Clinton married the two of them. Bill Clinton is also a secret Muslim, and Hillary Clinton is a giant lesbian for Anthony Weiner’s wife. What? Oh, fine, Spencer does not exactly say that Anthony Weiner likes to beam his weiner pix all over the Internet just because he is a secret Muslim. This more likely explains the fact that he is a liberal who does stupid things. 

Here is Spencer giving one of the world’s most incoherent, paranoid interviews to the paranoid, militant pro-Israel FrontPage Magazine:

Certainly the most likely scenario is that Weiner did convert to Islam, as Abedin’s mother, a professor in Saudi Arabia, would almost certainly have insisted that he do so. Weiner has made no public statement of this conversion, but since it would almost certainly have cost him politically if he had announced it, this silence is not any indication that he didn’t actually convert.

However, it is also possible, given the recent scandal involving Weiner’s apparently frequent and sexually charged contact with other women, that the rumors that the Abedin/Weiner union is a political marriage of convenience are true. After all, in 2008, Hillary Clinton was running for president. There were widespread insinuations that she was involved in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Abedin, her ever-present personal assistant. Those whisperings persisted into Clinton’s tenure as Secretary of State. Abedin’s 2010 marriage to Weiner, at which Bill Clinton presided, put those rumors to rest.

Anthony Weiner not saying he converted to Islam proves he probably converted to Islam is what we finally got from this, and he is a pragmatist political whore, which makes him normal. And Hillary is a lesbian. Okay! [FrontPage Magazine via Salon]

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130 comments

  1. Barb

    Hey, let's get rid of the picture, please. I'm tired of seeing Anthony and hearing about his sheep thrills, please.

    1. nounverb911

      Now see what you've done. Kirsten changed the photo, I'd rather see the sheep, they're less upsetting.

    2. Come here a minute

      In other words, you think that image is very disturbing, you wish they’d have chosen something else, and you realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

      1. HistoriCat

        You know – Wonkette needs a meme index. How are newbies supposed to understand our comic brilliance if they don't know the source of our great material?

  2. mumbly_joe

    Uhhh, but he hasn't just been silent about not being a Muslim, he's been very very vocal, constantly, about the fact that he is a Jew.

    Wait look at silly me over here trying to apply logic to this claim what am I doing.

    1. tymberwolf817

      That's nothing. Just look at Obama. He's such a secret Muslim he married a Christian! In a Christian church! And raised two children in the Christian faith! Now THAT'S a stealthy anchor baby.

      1. mumbly_joe

        I was always amazed that people tried to argue both that he was secretly muslin, and that because of the Reverend at the Christian church he regularly attended in Illinois, he must hate America. Yes, these are both things which are plausibly true, simultaneously!

    2. anniegetyerfun

      I'm just amazed that he didn't managed to wedge Vince Foster in there somehow. Like, in a threesome.

  3. horsedreamer_1

    Then whose baby is it? Hillary's? Or did they get a turkey-baster of Bill's baby-batter?

  4. AKbum

    I heard Robert Spencer raped and murdered a girl in 1990 after briefly converting to Islam, a charge he has yet to deny. It's okay, though, he quickly unverted back to CRAZY.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Honestly, you can't tell them apart in the dark. I mean, aside from the fact that one shouts "Ya Allah!" and the other shouts "Oh, G-d!" toward the end.

  5. horsedreamer_1

    But, yeah, nice to see Clinton Derangement Syndrome never went away. Hillary's a conniving lesbian! (Why do you think Susan Mc Dougal clammed up?) Bill's in bed with the enemy, first in Red Square, now at Tahrir Square! They married off their concubine to a trusted, also double-agent, cohort!

    1. PsycWench

      Don't forget the murder of Vince Foster! The conspiracy lives on, although I believe the "reason" changes occasionally.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        & just as the Falangists feel upbraided by KNOWN MARXIST NAZI Andrew Sullivan's Trig Birther act, they will respond in kind by proving that Huma is not actually pregnant (unlike Sarah, who was) & predicting, when the due date comes 'round, a stand-in/adoptee will be paraded as having exited Abedine's LESBIAN MUSULMAN birth-canal. LISTEN UP, SHEEPLE!1!!

      2. user-of-owls

        Shortly after he died, his college-aged daughter came here to Arkansas just to detoxify from the venom of DC at the time. She was in my class one semester. I have never seen a more ruined young woman. It was akin to watching someone being fed into a wood chipper feet first. All semester long. And that was the only semester she lasted.

        Ok, that's not very funny is it? Well neither is it funny when repulsive political operatives take a bleeding girl and gash her deeper to make room for the salt and arsenic they are pouring in. Monsters, all of them.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Hopefully, she's turned out ok.

          Though, I'm sure this season, Sunday having been Father's Day, still gets her.

          1. horsedreamer_1

            True. The media would have latched on to a damaged daughter with a vengeance. She would have been red-meat for the Right, like Al Gore's son has been.

        2. PsycWench

          Apparently the feelings of adult children are unimportant, whereas the feelings of minor children could be of very minor importance.
          Poor kid. I occasionally have a student who has lost a parent (or both) and it's heartbreaking…cannot even imagine when the loss is under such public circumstances and has been turned into political fodder. And suicide to boot. I think that there is almost nothing a parent can do to harm a child more than to commit suicide.

  6. mumbly_joe

    Also, are Muslims well regarded for being especially lax on the subject of adultery/general lewdness? Or for being huge lesbians? I must have missed those memos, since the same wingtards have been using evidence of the exact opposite to claim that Muslims hate women.

    1. zhubajie

      Yes, in real Muslim life adultery/lewdness/gaiety, are common. It used to be that the sort of soft porn novels now set in Thailand were set in the Ottoman Empire.

  7. user-of-owls

    I hope he converted to the Sufi flavor.

    There is Anthony, spinning and spinning and spinning….

    Plus, more fez!

      1. weejee

        Ain't no Disney Thistle whirling Dervish. More like the junior high school swirly, meaning Weiner's junk is a straight flush.

  8. Terry

    "Because we continually whisper that they are lesbians, they must be lesbians. Why else would we keep whispering it?"

  9. DaRooster

    "Weiner is sneaky, exactly like a secret Muslim would be."

    You know who else is sneaky? (Stereotypically)

      1. Limeylizzie

        I love you for that, I have only recently discovered Ming the Merciless and am in such thrall to his hairstyle that I knitted a hat for a baby that looks exactly like Ming's hairline.

        1. user-of-owls

          Hah! You are too cool for school, dear thing.

          That kid is gonna blow the Day Care to pieces!

          Please tell me he's named Ajax or Otto.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Excellent, although I don't love him as much when he gave up the pointy hairpiece thing.

    1. Rosie_Scenario

      Indians (American). In the late Reggie White's "sermon" — "they'll sneak up on you."

  10. EatsBabyDingos

    Nor does he deny eating anusburgers OR fecesburger, OR brisburgers.

    His real name is G.O. Pierre, the French Conservative who only passes penis gas, hence the name "Pee Air." Wears yellow Pee Air Hamilton Jordans.

  11. proudgrampa

    So are those goats on the way to a sacrifice or something? Definitely in the Abrahamic tradition, if you ask me.

  12. DaRooster

    "…given the recent scandal involving Weiner’s apparently frequent and sexually charged contact with other women…"

    So Muslims are the only ones that think there might be a chance of sexy time when they talk to women?

  13. Blendergoathead

    If secretly converting to Islam magically adds between 2 to 4 inches to my penis length like those internet ads say, I'm in. Praise Allah!

  14. SayItWithWookies

    So Weiner's marriage to Huma was a sham marriage designed to dispel the idea that Hillary is a lesbian.
    And because of this sham marriage, Mr. Weiner renounced his religion?
    But did it secretly, not as an actual person who was trying to make his marriage look real would.
    And then had a kid.
    And tax cuts for the rich create jobs?

    1. Chet Kincaid

      "And tax cuts for the rich create jobs?"

      No, in this brand of crazy, all lines of reasoning prove that critics of Israel friend Hitler on Facebook.

  15. SorosBot

    Oh yeah? Well I've heard that Weiner, Abedin and both Clintons are actually all depraved bisexuals who engage in regular secret foursomes together; they also have all secretly converted to the worship of Rh'llor, the Lord of Light, and regularly sacrifice the blood of those who worship other gods to him in exchange for magical power over fire and shadows.

    Come on, if you're gonna pull a paranoid conspiracy theory out of your ass, make it a little more interesting!

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Sounds like the stories I heard from a closet-case in college, with respect (tee hee) a circle of friends on campus.

  16. KeepFnThatChicken

    If he heard that Tom Lehrer song, maybe he would convert.

    Oh the Catholics hate the Protestants
    And the Protestants hate the Catholics
    And the Hindus hate the Moslems
    And everybody hates the Jews

  17. mavenmaven

    It is apparently a well known fact that Moslems fanatically text photographs of their genitals to each other, world wide, as a show of faith, as dictated by Sharia law. Soon they will be forcing all the good citizens of the US to sext or die.

  18. EatsBabyDingos

    Logic like this is like beer bonging a six pack of wine coolers all at once-your head spins, you barf in bed, you wake up pregnant, write a book, and get a job at Little Billy's Grifter Emporium.

    1. Cicada

      A real grifter knows when to fold the scam. Gotta keep the marks hungering for more, after all.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      She was afraid the lamestream media was gonna ask another gotcha question, like "So where are you going next," or "How did you like Cleveland?" That kind of attack journalism is what's responsible for our depraved society you know.

  19. widestanceroman

    Needs more 'certainly most likely' and lots more 'almost certainty.' (These would make a nice compliment to the oft-used 'usually always.')

    And what a brilliant mind to see that Weiner's photos are a blatant example of Islam's well-documented culture of body worship, now spreading like a sharian blood stain on our founding fathers' powdered white wigs.

    Aye ess hoe-uhl.

  20. Guppy06

    "Certainly the most likely scenario is that Weiner did convert to Islam, as Abedin’s mother, a professor in Saudi Arabia, would almost certainly have insisted that he do so."

    Because adult women are beholden to the will of their parents, at least until their marriage, when their husband takes over.

    "However, it is also possible, given the recent scandal involving Weiner’s apparently frequent and sexually charged contact with other women, that the rumors that the Abedin/Weiner union is a political marriage of convenience are true."

    Because if she'd truly been fulfilling her wifely duties at home, he wouldn't have strayed.

    "There were widespread insinuations that she was involved in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Abedin, her ever-present personal assistant."

    Because sex is part of the unwritten job description for "female personal assistant."

    Man, I need to stop fucking feminists…

  21. proudgrampa

    Hey, Psyc, it's Deja Vu all over again.

    I can't tell you how many times I've had that feeling at Wonkette…

  22. a_pink_poodle

    No, it's because he's a filthy Jew. Wait I'm sorry I meant Urban Youth. Crap that's not the right term!

    Okay, my comments are being misconstrued and taken way out of context by you Wonkette commenters with a clear liberal agenda. It's satire!

  23. bureaucrap

    This story is all conspiracy theory craziness rolled into one paragraph. It just needs this to top it off: "Osama bin Laden, a secret Imam, most likely secretly presided over this marriage of convenience between a Jew and Lesbian, and impregnated Abedin with his terrorist DNA at the conclusion of the ceremony."

    There, finished.

  24. Pres[EXTERMINATE!!]

    Weiner is obviously a secret Muslim because he posted crotch shots on the Twitters, and because Sharia law forbids sexual images. That also proves that his Muslim wife is a secret lesbian, because Sharia law prohibits homosexual acts.

    Q. E. fucking D.

  25. Redhead

    "Anthony Weiner not saying he converted to Islam proves he probably converted to Islam"

    Well, in GlennBeckian logic, that makes Weiner absolutely a muslin, 100% irrefutable. It also makes Hillary Clinton and Abedin absolutely 100% lesbian lovers since they never publicly denied the whispers that only Spencer seems to be aware of.

  26. MozakiBlocks

    Man, that's some impressive mental gymnastics from Herr Spencer. I wonder if Béla Károlyi needs a new protégé.

  27. genxr

    Oh, to be a fly on the wall, where a Saudi, a Congressman, and all the other world power brokers called an emergency meeting to take drastic action so people would not find out the Secretary of State is a lesbian.

    Makes you wonder how much of what happened during the Bush years was a direct result of Condi's love life.

    1. zhubajie

      Nah, it was in pursuit of 1) proving he was another Alexander, not the life-long fuck-up he appeared to be; and 2) the Rapture!

  28. Grief_Lessons

    His remarks can be edited to be non crazy: Sleazy e-mails to multiple women, rumours of infidelity, political marriage of convenience, Bill Clinton presides over all.

  29. ttommyunger

    "his silence is not any indication that he didn’t actually convert." Hmmm. Makes sense to me. My silence frequently belies the fact that I actually slid one out. Speaking of popcorn farts; who the fuck is this Spencer dickwad?

  30. franco_pinyon

    I'm starting to think that the Right-Wing Conspiracy Theory Nutcase market is way oversaturated.

  31. user-of-owls

    It's also wicked expensive and the ring toss is fixed. Oh, and the rides really suck. I mean really, the "Tunnel of Free Masons"? Geez.

Comments are closed.