CRAZY BATSHIT NONSENSE  10:56 am June 22, 2011

Anthony Weiner Scandal Caused By His Secret Conversion To Islam

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Was anyone else wondering during this Anthony Weiner scandal whether this whole thing was because Jewish Anthony Weiner is secretly a Muslim? Right-wing “Islam expert” Robert Spencer thinks so, because here is what he knows: Weiner is sneaky, exactly like a secret Muslim would be. And he is married to a Muslim woman, which means he automatically converted to terrorism in his sleep right after Bill Clinton married the two of them. Bill Clinton is also a secret Muslim, and Hillary Clinton is a giant lesbian for Anthony Weiner’s wife. What? Oh, fine, Spencer does not exactly say that Anthony Weiner likes to beam his weiner pix all over the Internet just because he is a secret Muslim. This more likely explains the fact that he is a liberal who does stupid things. 

Here is Spencer giving one of the world’s most incoherent, paranoid interviews to the paranoid, militant pro-Israel FrontPage Magazine:

Certainly the most likely scenario is that Weiner did convert to Islam, as Abedin’s mother, a professor in Saudi Arabia, would almost certainly have insisted that he do so. Weiner has made no public statement of this conversion, but since it would almost certainly have cost him politically if he had announced it, this silence is not any indication that he didn’t actually convert.

However, it is also possible, given the recent scandal involving Weiner’s apparently frequent and sexually charged contact with other women, that the rumors that the Abedin/Weiner union is a political marriage of convenience are true. After all, in 2008, Hillary Clinton was running for president. There were widespread insinuations that she was involved in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Abedin, her ever-present personal assistant. Those whisperings persisted into Clinton’s tenure as Secretary of State. Abedin’s 2010 marriage to Weiner, at which Bill Clinton presided, put those rumors to rest.

Anthony Weiner not saying he converted to Islam proves he probably converted to Islam is what we finally got from this, and he is a pragmatist political whore, which makes him normal. And Hillary is a lesbian. Okay! [FrontPage Magazine via Salon]

 
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{ 130 comments }

Barb June 22, 2011 at 10:58 am

Hey, let's get rid of the picture, please. I'm tired of seeing Anthony and hearing about his sheep thrills, please.

nounverb911 June 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

Now see what you've done. Kirsten changed the photo, I'd rather see the sheep, they're less upsetting.

Come here a minute June 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

In other words, you think that image is very disturbing, you wish they’d have chosen something else, and you realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

HistoriCat June 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

You know – Wonkette needs a meme index. How are newbies supposed to understand our comic brilliance if they don't know the source of our great material?

Doktor Zoom June 22, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Pharyngula has a wiki for that sort of thing. We need a wiki for that sort of thing.

Barb June 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

Poop, now my post makes no sense. The previous photo posted was Anthony and a sheep. *sigh*

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 11:32 am

But you got a different picture, which you said you wanted!

DaRooster June 22, 2011 at 11:32 am

They are just out to get you Barb…

(at least that's what the utes would say)

natoslug June 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Da yutes would never do that — Vinny says they're innocent.

DaRooster June 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm

"I'm sorry your Honor… the 2 YOOOUTHZZZ"

LowProfileinGA June 22, 2011 at 11:35 am

However, it did elicit the intriguing suggestion of a meme index.

Sorry, no snark.

mumbly_joe June 22, 2011 at 10:59 am

Uhhh, but he hasn't just been silent about not being a Muslim, he's been very very vocal, constantly, about the fact that he is a Jew.

Wait look at silly me over here trying to apply logic to this claim what am I doing.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

They are shifty, aren't they?

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:13 am

Crafty and inscrutable, too.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

mumbly_joe, today we all live in a Weiner Republic.
~

tymberwolf817 June 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

That's nothing. Just look at Obama. He's such a secret Muslim he married a Christian! In a Christian church! And raised two children in the Christian faith! Now THAT'S a stealthy anchor baby.

mumbly_joe June 22, 2011 at 11:49 am

I was always amazed that people tried to argue both that he was secretly muslin, and that because of the Reverend at the Christian church he regularly attended in Illinois, he must hate America. Yes, these are both things which are plausibly true, simultaneously!

Bigger than Rod June 22, 2011 at 11:31 am

Really, I can't think of any other 'Jewish' cock-tweets. Ipso facto, hocus pocus…he a Muslin!

anniegetyerfun June 22, 2011 at 7:38 pm

I'm just amazed that he didn't managed to wedge Vince Foster in there somehow. Like, in a threesome.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 10:59 am

Then whose baby is it? Hillary's? Or did they get a turkey-baster of Bill's baby-batter?

AKbum June 22, 2011 at 10:59 am

I heard Robert Spencer raped and murdered a girl in 1990 after briefly converting to Islam, a charge he has yet to deny. It's okay, though, he quickly unverted back to CRAZY.

nounverb911 June 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

Does this mean that Weiner's weiner was un-bris-ed?

V572 [SSAN] June 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

There's some surgery you couldn't call "minor."

doloras June 22, 2011 at 5:45 pm

No, Muslins circumcise too.

anniegetyerfun June 22, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Honestly, you can't tell them apart in the dark. I mean, aside from the fact that one shouts "Ya Allah!" and the other shouts "Oh, G-d!" toward the end.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:01 am

But, yeah, nice to see Clinton Derangement Syndrome never went away. Hillary's a conniving lesbian! (Why do you think Susan Mc Dougal clammed up?) Bill's in bed with the enemy, first in Red Square, now at Tahrir Square! They married off their concubine to a trusted, also double-agent, cohort!

PsycWench June 22, 2011 at 11:04 am

Don't forget the murder of Vince Foster! The conspiracy lives on, although I believe the "reason" changes occasionally.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

& just as the Falangists feel upbraided by KNOWN MARXIST NAZI Andrew Sullivan's Trig Birther act, they will respond in kind by proving that Huma is not actually pregnant (unlike Sarah, who was) & predicting, when the due date comes 'round, a stand-in/adoptee will be paraded as having exited Abedine's LESBIAN MUSULMAN birth-canal. LISTEN UP, SHEEPLE!1!!

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

Shortly after he died, his college-aged daughter came here to Arkansas just to detoxify from the venom of DC at the time. She was in my class one semester. I have never seen a more ruined young woman. It was akin to watching someone being fed into a wood chipper feet first. All semester long. And that was the only semester she lasted.

Ok, that's not very funny is it? Well neither is it funny when repulsive political operatives take a bleeding girl and gash her deeper to make room for the salt and arsenic they are pouring in. Monsters, all of them.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:24 am

Hopefully, she's turned out ok.

Though, I'm sure this season, Sunday having been Father's Day, still gets her.

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:41 am

Undoubtedly. I've not heard a whisper about her since she left.

PsycWench June 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

Apparently the feelings of adult children are unimportant, whereas the feelings of minor children could be of very minor importance.
Poor kid. I occasionally have a student who has lost a parent (or both) and it's heartbreaking…cannot even imagine when the loss is under such public circumstances and has been turned into political fodder. And suicide to boot. I think that there is almost nothing a parent can do to harm a child more than to commit suicide.

mumbly_joe June 22, 2011 at 11:01 am

Also, are Muslims well regarded for being especially lax on the subject of adultery/general lewdness? Or for being huge lesbians? I must have missed those memos, since the same wingtards have been using evidence of the exact opposite to claim that Muslims hate women.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

Cognitive Dissonance? We has it!

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Yes, in real Muslim life adultery/lewdness/gaiety, are common. It used to be that the sort of soft porn novels now set in Thailand were set in the Ottoman Empire.

MildMidwesterner June 22, 2011 at 11:01 am

Am I the only one who was confused by this post?

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:04 am

No, MildMid, you are not the only one…

nounverb911 June 22, 2011 at 11:01 am

Has Weiner started his new job at Nathan's yet?

Mumbletypeg June 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

That's the problem. He called in Sikh.

Janinthepan June 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

snare hit

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

Joey Chestnutt for Anthony's Wiener: So beautiful, not even I would eat it.

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:03 am

I hope he converted to the Sufi flavor.

There is Anthony, spinning and spinning and spinning….

Plus, more fez!

BornInATrailer June 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

What, precisely, is Weiner whirling around in circles?

weejee June 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

Ain't no Disney Thistle whirling Dervish. More like the junior high school swirly, meaning Weiner's junk is a straight flush.

DemmeFatale June 22, 2011 at 11:04 am

Why are their sleeves rolled up?

(BTW: Goats?)

Terry June 22, 2011 at 11:05 am

"Because we continually whisper that they are lesbians, they must be lesbians. Why else would we keep whispering it?"

DaRooster June 22, 2011 at 11:05 am

"Weiner is sneaky, exactly like a secret Muslim would be."

You know who else is sneaky? (Stereotypically)

SexySmurf June 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

Chinamen?

nounverb911 June 22, 2011 at 11:08 am

Dick Cheney?

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

Ming the Merciless?

Limeylizzie June 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

I love you for that, I have only recently discovered Ming the Merciless and am in such thrall to his hairstyle that I knitted a hat for a baby that looks exactly like Ming's hairline.

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Hah! You are too cool for school, dear thing.

That kid is gonna blow the Day Care to pieces!

Please tell me he's named Ajax or Otto.

Limeylizzie June 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

Elida, it's a girl.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

Hitler! (especially Jewish Hitler).
~

Ducksworthy June 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

Hitler! (especially Jewish Commie Hitler)

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

Jews!

fuflans June 22, 2011 at 11:14 am

the road runner?

Weenus299 June 22, 2011 at 11:14 am

Trix Bunny, Bugs Bunny, the tortoise Bunny, Playboy Bunnies, Dust Bunnies, etc.

weejee June 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Olympia Snowe?

Boredw/Gravitas June 22, 2011 at 11:32 am

Sneakers?

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 11:38 am

The "sis" who got the diagonal to win Connect Four?

DaRooster June 22, 2011 at 11:40 am

Pre-tty… sneaky… Sis…

Rosie_Scenario June 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Indians (American). In the late Reggie White's "sermon" — "they'll sneak up on you."

EatsBabyDingos June 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

Nor does he deny eating anusburgers OR fecesburger, OR brisburgers.

His real name is G.O. Pierre, the French Conservative who only passes penis gas, hence the name "Pee Air." Wears yellow Pee Air Hamilton Jordans.

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

So are those goats on the way to a sacrifice or something? Definitely in the Abrahamic tradition, if you ask me.

johnnymeatworth June 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

All I know is I'm tired of looking at his TruckNutz.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 22, 2011 at 11:08 am

How about some handwriting analysis?

Shorter Ashley Parker, The New York “News Worth Paying For” Fucking Times

Handwriting Experts Weigh In on Weiner’s Signature (and Psyche)

~

DaRooster June 22, 2011 at 11:08 am

"…given the recent scandal involving Weiner’s apparently frequent and sexually charged contact with other women…"

So Muslims are the only ones that think there might be a chance of sexy time when they talk to women?

PsycWench June 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

Frequent sexually charged contact with women always makes male Republicans suspicious.

JustPixelz June 22, 2011 at 12:41 pm

That's why Senator David Vitter will never be accepted by the Repubicans.

arihaya June 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

he doesn't eat pork therefore he is a Muslin,, I rest my case !

Blendergoathead June 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

If secretly converting to Islam magically adds between 2 to 4 inches to my penis length like those internet ads say, I'm in. Praise Allah!

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

Converted. Perverted.

Same diff.

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

So Weiner's marriage to Huma was a sham marriage designed to dispel the idea that Hillary is a lesbian.
And because of this sham marriage, Mr. Weiner renounced his religion?
But did it secretly, not as an actual person who was trying to make his marriage look real would.
And then had a kid.
And tax cuts for the rich create jobs?

tymberwolf817 June 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

The butler did it!

Ducksworthy June 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

Nicely done. The last line is always the last line of every rant, said or not.

Chet Kincaid June 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

"And tax cuts for the rich create jobs?"

No, in this brand of crazy, all lines of reasoning prove that critics of Israel friend Hitler on Facebook.

deanbooth June 22, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Wookies, what happened to your pee?!

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

Oh yeah? Well I've heard that Weiner, Abedin and both Clintons are actually all depraved bisexuals who engage in regular secret foursomes together; they also have all secretly converted to the worship of Rh'llor, the Lord of Light, and regularly sacrifice the blood of those who worship other gods to him in exchange for magical power over fire and shadows.

Come on, if you're gonna pull a paranoid conspiracy theory out of your ass, make it a little more interesting!

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

Sounds like the stories I heard from a closet-case in college, with respect (tee hee) a circle of friends on campus.

AutomaticPilot June 22, 2011 at 11:13 am

Needz moar Chris Lee.

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:13 am

Where did the goats go??? Must have been sacrificed…

fuflans June 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

who the fuck is robert spencer?

no seriously, who the fuck is robert spencer?

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

Fu, you took the words right outta my keyboard!

KeepFnThatChicken June 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

If he heard that Tom Lehrer song, maybe he would convert.

Oh the Catholics hate the Protestants
And the Protestants hate the Catholics
And the Hindus hate the Moslems
And everybody hates the Jews

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Oh yes it's National Brotherhood Week!!

Best song ever.

mavenmaven June 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

It is apparently a well known fact that Moslems fanatically text photographs of their genitals to each other, world wide, as a show of faith, as dictated by Sharia law. Soon they will be forcing all the good citizens of the US to sext or die.

tymberwolf817 June 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

Wait — where does Chelsea fit into this?

nounverb911 June 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

It's on the west side of Manhattan.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 1:00 pm

She's Mezvinsky's beard?

DahBoner June 22, 2011 at 2:58 pm

She's still normal?

EatsBabyDingos June 22, 2011 at 11:26 am

Logic like this is like beer bonging a six pack of wine coolers all at once-your head spins, you barf in bed, you wake up pregnant, write a book, and get a job at Little Billy's Grifter Emporium.

weejee June 22, 2011 at 11:27 am
Cicada June 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

A real grifter knows when to fold the scam. Gotta keep the marks hungering for more, after all.

mumbly_joe June 22, 2011 at 11:44 am

I for one, can't wait to find out why this is liberals' fault, for being liberals.

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2011 at 12:03 pm

She was afraid the lamestream media was gonna ask another gotcha question, like "So where are you going next," or "How did you like Cleveland?" That kind of attack journalism is what's responsible for our depraved society you know.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 1:09 pm

For some reason, Sarah Palin's penchant for quitting reminded me of this: This is the story of a girl.

widestanceroman June 22, 2011 at 11:30 am

Needs more 'certainly most likely' and lots more 'almost certainty.' (These would make a nice compliment to the oft-used 'usually always.')

And what a brilliant mind to see that Weiner's photos are a blatant example of Islam's well-documented culture of body worship, now spreading like a sharian blood stain on our founding fathers' powdered white wigs.

Aye ess hoe-uhl.

Guppy06 June 22, 2011 at 11:34 am

"Certainly the most likely scenario is that Weiner did convert to Islam, as Abedin’s mother, a professor in Saudi Arabia, would almost certainly have insisted that he do so."

Because adult women are beholden to the will of their parents, at least until their marriage, when their husband takes over.

"However, it is also possible, given the recent scandal involving Weiner’s apparently frequent and sexually charged contact with other women, that the rumors that the Abedin/Weiner union is a political marriage of convenience are true."

Because if she'd truly been fulfilling her wifely duties at home, he wouldn't have strayed.

"There were widespread insinuations that she was involved in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Abedin, her ever-present personal assistant."

Because sex is part of the unwritten job description for "female personal assistant."

Man, I need to stop fucking feminists…

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:37 am

Hey, Psyc, it's Deja Vu all over again.

I can't tell you how many times I've had that feeling at Wonkette…

a_pink_poodle June 22, 2011 at 11:37 am

No, it's because he's a filthy Jew. Wait I'm sorry I meant Urban Youth. Crap that's not the right term!

Okay, my comments are being misconstrued and taken way out of context by you Wonkette commenters with a clear liberal agenda. It's satire!

bureaucrap June 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

This story is all conspiracy theory craziness rolled into one paragraph. It just needs this to top it off: "Osama bin Laden, a secret Imam, most likely secretly presided over this marriage of convenience between a Jew and Lesbian, and impregnated Abedin with his terrorist DNA at the conclusion of the ceremony."

There, finished.

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] June 22, 2011 at 11:40 am

Weiner is obviously a secret Muslim because he posted crotch shots on the Twitters, and because Sharia law forbids sexual images. That also proves that his Muslim wife is a secret lesbian, because Sharia law prohibits homosexual acts.

Q. E. fucking D.

hagajim June 22, 2011 at 11:51 am

SharWeiner Law!

BklynIlluminati June 22, 2011 at 11:57 am

Is a side effect of paranoia, stupidity? Is there a Dr. in the house?

Callyson June 22, 2011 at 12:16 pm

What?
Seriously, WTF?
That's all I've got on this bizarro – world story…

DerrickWildcat June 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Anyone this idiotic is more than likely a Fox News Contributor…and sure enough he is.

Redhead June 22, 2011 at 12:30 pm

"Anthony Weiner not saying he converted to Islam proves he probably converted to Islam"

Well, in GlennBeckian logic, that makes Weiner absolutely a muslin, 100% irrefutable. It also makes Hillary Clinton and Abedin absolutely 100% lesbian lovers since they never publicly denied the whispers that only Spencer seems to be aware of.

Nothingisamiss June 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Yes, Dude.

MozakiBlocks June 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Man, that's some impressive mental gymnastics from Herr Spencer. I wonder if Béla Károlyi needs a new protégé.

genxr June 22, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Oh, to be a fly on the wall, where a Saudi, a Congressman, and all the other world power brokers called an emergency meeting to take drastic action so people would not find out the Secretary of State is a lesbian.

Makes you wonder how much of what happened during the Bush years was a direct result of Condi's love life.

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Nah, it was in pursuit of 1) proving he was another Alexander, not the life-long fuck-up he appeared to be; and 2) the Rapture!

MLHencken June 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 2:39 pm

"A lotta ins, a lotta outs… I'm talkin' new information, man".

MLHencken June 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.

deanbooth June 22, 2011 at 2:47 pm

No pics or it happened!

DahBoner June 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm

He converted to Islam to get some poontang?

Grief_Lessons June 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm

His remarks can be edited to be non crazy: Sleazy e-mails to multiple women, rumours of infidelity, political marriage of convenience, Bill Clinton presides over all.

Thedongsofwar June 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Muslims are pretty infamous for their immodesty, after all.

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Is Spencer trying to hide his Muslim origins?

ttommyunger June 22, 2011 at 9:22 pm

"his silence is not any indication that he didn’t actually convert." Hmmm. Makes sense to me. My silence frequently belies the fact that I actually slid one out. Speaking of popcorn farts; who the fuck is this Spencer dickwad?

Schmannnity June 22, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Wait until Peter King hears about this.

franco_pinyon June 23, 2011 at 11:51 am

I'm starting to think that the Right-Wing Conspiracy Theory Nutcase market is way oversaturated.

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

It's also wicked expensive and the ring toss is fixed. Oh, and the rides really suck. I mean really, the "Tunnel of Free Masons"? Geez.

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:51 am

I can work with that.

Elida the Terrible or Elida the Impaler?

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:54 am
Limeylizzie June 22, 2011 at 11:57 am

Elida the Enormous, she is insanely long and has a huge head!

Limeylizzie June 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Excellent, although I don't love him as much when he gave up the pointy hairpiece thing.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 12:54 pm

True. The media would have latched on to a damaged daughter with a vengeance. She would have been red-meat for the Right, like Al Gore's son has been.

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Ok, I'll give you that. But c'mon, eight bucks for a Bilder Burger?

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