christine didn't go 'anywhere'

Christine O’Donnell Reminds Everyone She Still Wants Some of Their Money

she knows her American history, gold starOh, look what nonsense is filling up our inbox already this morning! Unemployed sorceress Christine O’Donnell is out and about grifting with the pros these days, hawking her new memoir that some Tea Party guy thinks you should buy out of “love and support” for this person you had almost entirely forgotten existed until she started whining to everyone again that she still does not have that job America owes her. Christine knows all about our founding fathers, probably not like some other unemployed grifters you may have heard about, and would you please reward Christine now?

Oh but hey, look what other super grifting technique Christine O’Donnell has learned from the more successfully unemployed failure queen Sarah Palin: don’t be afraid to make vague, half-assed implications to anyone who will listen that “somebody” is thinking about a presidential run, and then wait for the PAC donations to pour in full-stop. Donate to ChristinePAC, because she is thinking about not running, maybe.

it's working for sarah palin, come on

Haha,”ChristineOD.” It’s like she magically knows how we feel about her! [ChristinePAC / Twitter]

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    1. Terry

      The people of the New Jersey pine barrens would make an awesome show, but it'd be closer to Deliverance than Jersey Shore.

  1. Mumbletypeg

    Between the unpaid mortgages and the unfulfilled college tuition balances, Xtine O.D. seems better known for what she's run from than what she's running for.

    1. mumbly_joe

      Well, she's definitely not me, that's for sure. *I* make an honest living, commenting on wonkette while pretending to do work.

  2. philpjfry

    OK, She is a trouble maker, Sarah is undefeated and Bristol is not afraid of life. Wonder what color the sky is in their world? Makes you wonder if the tea party should be called the delusion party. I will help support all of these efforts as soon as I pay for the much needed can of hobo beans and gin. Money for nothing and your checks for free.

    1. Redhead

      Did you know delusional disorder is a real thing? It's in the DSM under personality disorders, with different subtypes based on the type of delusion (persecutory, for one, and another – I forget the name – where someone thinks they're much more important than they really are).

      I am 100% serious and not snarking right now.

  3. harry_palmer

    If she spent all the coins in the couch cushions there might be a few caught in her thatch.

  4. SorosBot

    With the book, it looks like someone finally told Christine that she's got to put that grifted campaign money through the laundry before spending it; sadly for her she didn't know that before her 2010 campaign and so still is likely to go to jail.

  5. freakishlywrong

    And the only troublemaking this silly bitch did was lose a very winnable seat for her "party". What ever the hell that means anymore.

    1. SorosBot

      Hell, at least the loser Santorum did hold a Senate seat for 12 years, before the people of Pennsylvania booted his ass out by a large margin. All Christine has done is run for office and lose big-time. How the hell could anyone think she's qualified to run for President?

        1. mumbly_joe

          SRSLY. Herman Cain ran a third-string pizza chain/subsidiary of Pilsbury, had a right-wing radio show, and lost a Senate primary. I really do mean it when I say that he is LITERALLY less qualified for president than my high school economics teacher.

  6. EatsBabyDingos

    I'd care more if she were naked farting in a mud puddle for her new book "Bubblemaker." Or if she worked in a sweaty Vietnamese factory for Major League Baseball as a "Bobblemaker."

    Instead, she is just a "Babblemaker."

    1. mereoblivion

      For the second time in less than a week I am seized with an irresistible impulse to ask "Just out of curiosity, why a mud puddle?"

      1. EatsBabyDingos

        Because farting in a bath tub is normal, unless you are catching the gas in the bubbles and lighting them on fire for "science" with a grant from the American Petroleum Gasbag Association.

        Now, I am curious about farting in outer space due to the dissipation issues…

  7. Chillwaver

    I'm sure I'm not the first one to point this our, but this crazy bitch is Rachel Ray and Sarah Palin combined into a single person. Truly frightening…

  8. AntonovBureau

    Well, a middle aged person 'writing' an autobiography and calling it a "memoir" isn't quite as bad as Bristol 'writing' a "book" with the subtitle "my journey so far"

    Anyway, it all reminds me of a former high-school quarterback who has nothing to talk about except his glory days when he was 17

  9. LabRodent

    Why Cant she just conjure up some money like all the other witches in the world. Fu*king rookie!

  10. Captain_Quark

    So, "troublemaker" is evidently Teabagger slang for "ambitious, crazy imbecile." Sorta like how "maverick" means "angry senile twit." Maverick/Troublemaker 2012!

    1. ThundercatHo

      Well, according to one of my herb books witches used aconitum (aka monkshood) made into an ointment which when smeared on the breasts allowed them to fly. Or could be they were just tripping their asses off since it is poisonous/toxic/hallucenagenic.

  11. bureaucrap

    "showed a remarkable knowledge of our founding fathers."

    I assume the supporter meant biblical "knowledge". It must go back to the being a witch thing.

  12. samsuncle

    There is method to this Repbulican madness of cranking out ghost written books. It's all part of their plan to put people back to work building more librarys to hold them all.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      Tea Party architects always forget to account for the weight of the books, having never read any.

        1. PristineODummy

          Right now, what the Invisible Hand has got is an extended Rigid Digit. Waving right in our collective face.

    2. FNMA

      Except the Republicans are all trying to eliminate libraries by cutting off their funding. The employment plan would be better suited for right-wing hack ghost writers who couldn't get gigs turning the Snowbilly's word salads into less nonsensical prose.

    3. OneDollarJuana

      It is rather fascinating that while the Republicans are doing their damnedest to create a vast illiterate serfdom, they also rely very heavily on ghost writers who are, presumably, reasonably literate.

      1. succalina

        I wouldn't go all presumably just yet. Ghosties still have to match up their words to the word salads they have been given. Bachmann's ghost writer had to create the "facts" for the chapter "Marcus is NOT gay!"

  13. Barb

    She's especially fond of Ben Franklin, the founding father who said, "a penny donated is a penny earned for jalapeno poppers at Applebee's."

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Palin quit something? No! I'm shocked!

        Jesus. No wonder. Couldn't even keep her own family with her on the road trip to hell.

    1. PsycWench

      You have to love a man who wrote "And as in the dark all cats are gray, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior; every knack being, by practice, capable of improvement."

      1. PristineODummy

        I'm tellin' ya. He'd be great in teh sack. It's 99% attitude, after all, and Benjy had lots of it.

      2. lulzmonger

        Also, never forget "99% perspiration & 1% inspiration," as another great American once said.

        Not to mention, "over 40 = never tell, won't swell, & grateful as hell."

  14. V572 [SSAN]

    Supreme Court says Walmart is too big to sue. Senate Republicans won't settle for anything less than a bond market crash and 9% unemployment on election day, because they'd rather run the country into the ditch than see Hopey win again. And now this Republiskank is back.

    Any chance of any good news any time soon?

  15. GuyClinch

    "Troublemaker" is also the name of her favorite cocktail: 2 parts wine cooler, 1 part eye of Newt, one part sour grape juice, and a dash of bitter. Typically chased with a shot of santorum.

    1. AutomaticPilot

      OT, but Fox "News" was playing at the gym last night and although I try really hard not to look directly at it without eye protection, I did catch a rather amusing headline: "Santorum on Romney"

    1. horsedreamer_1

      True… But that just means CNN has its moment to become more "balanced". Put ChristineOD on Spitzer's show, to replace the Pulitzer-winning Kathleen Parker.

  16. Beowoof

    Christine showed her true colors, but inquiring minds want to know if she showed you her extra hairy bush.

  17. Goonemeritus

    Not as spiteful as Palin, cute as a speckled pup and barking mad. Why if I were a younger man…..

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Why if I were a younger man….. "

      You could have a younger, cuter woman that wasn't barking mad? Or is barking mad a good thing?

      1. Goonemeritus

        Truth is I’m not that old, nor have I ever dated a conservative but when I was younger and single, barking mad was a good thing. Not talking settle down raise a bipolar brood good thing but exciting.

    2. BarryOPotter

      "Why if I were a younger man….. I'd drop a batch in her eye and run away"
      -Prez Bebblebrox

    1. PristineODummy

      You know, hardly anybody ('cept maybe you and me) is even going to understand that.

      Besides, sending people Hell money is bad luck. Oh, wait, on second thought …

      1. zhubajie

        Re the pinyin stuff, you never know.

        Is sending Hell money bad luck for her or me? My life is a blues song, anyway. I did mail some to Pat Robertson and to my Congressman, one time.

  18. Steverino247

    Sorry, sweetie, but I like to learn something when I read a book. Or at least be entertained.

  19. Crank_Tango

    "Founding fathers" sure is a strange way to say "sugar daddies," but then again I don't know much about tea.

  20. cheetojeebus

    Why am i reminded of a little tiny nasty poodle humping my leg? Wrong gender but you get the idea.

  21. Sue4466

    The whole Tea Party "movement" appears to be nothing but a pyramid scheme for politics, which is a less useful product than even the crap Amway sells.

  22. not that Dewey

    "Looking for Christine O'Donnell products? Other customers suggested these items:

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    No joke.

  23. Limeylizzie

    She is me, in one way, we both have an aversion to some person, that we do not know , place hot wax on our vaginal regions and rip off all the hair down there. Other than that, oh and the horny drunkenness thing, she is not me at all.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      OT: Love the new avatar, Lizzie. It looks like a cross between an overcoat-clad Aunt Bea from Andy Griffith show and… maybe a slightly cleaned-up Otis the Drunk from Andy Griffith show?

      1. Limeylizzie

        Thanks, it's the same woman as my old one, Violet Carson aka Ena Shaples from "Coronation Street". I love her.

    1. ifthethunderdontgetya

      These are all excellent answers, and everyone wins a Gold Star.

      However, Crack_Tango gets extra applause for picking the low-hanging fruit.

      P.S. Waiting for is just like waiting for ???

      That's right…

  24. smitallica

    Until this post, I had truly forgotten all about this nutbar. Seriously. Complete blank. It was nice. Thanks for screwing that up, Wonkette.

  25. BarryOPotter

    "Brunette. Lots and lots of brunette hair, man. Lots. Just, like… wow. Thick, plush brunette for days…"

  26. prommie

    She is at first glance attractive but then you see, she is for sure the kind that just lays there, and cries afterward. And those teeth, she has to be a "scraper." But I'd hit it anyway, for the story.

    1. Crank_Tango

      well if her pussy is as revirginated as she says, it's gotta be smooth as a basketball court inside there. And prolly about as moist. And tight as parking a suburban in a parking ramp "compact" spot.

      And of the nutbag teacunts, she definitely is the most bangable.

        1. Crank_Tango

          It's ok, I have landscaping experience. hedge trimmers or maybe round-up ought to take care of it.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        "Basketball Court" might not be the best analogy for a (re-)virginal vagina. Most basketball courts have a bunch of sweaty guys running around on them while playing with their balls.

  27. carlgt1

    if they place such importance on knowing history of the founding fathers, why are no professors of American history (other than from "Bob Jones University", or "Professor" Gingrich) on board with the Tea Party or indeed a major candidate?

    1. zhubajie

      Let us not forget that the American Historians Association voted Bush "Worst President Ever," a few years back. The only dissidents were the guy who preferred "Worst Since Millard Fillmore" and another who preferred "Best Since Bill Clinton."

  28. genxr

    Remember when Gillette offered ZZ Top a million dollars to shave their beards on TV? If Christine is looking for fundraising ideas, something to think about.

  29. DaSandman

    Well its a more direct grift then using your campaign funds for Starbucks and ladyparts care….

  30. DaRooster

    "… showing your love and support…"

    Well… what I have isn't necessarily "love"… but I might support her head… by her hair.

  31. Weenus299

    She's going to end up shooting someone and then swearing to God she didn't. Is she still not having sex with Puddn' Cup? Sucks to be him.

    1. PristineODummy

      According to her neighbours, she has been having some high-decibelage sex with Pudd'n Cup for, like, forever now.

  32. BarryOPotter

    When the groupies throw themselves at you, what can you do?

    That was one of my favorite chapters from the Ben Franklin unauthorized autobiography: "Hey, Hey What Can I Do: A Year In the Life of Dirty Ole Ben – You Wish Were Me, Bitches"

  33. OneDollarJuana

    He also added to his first aphorism that one should not touch one's "bird" after handling the jalapeño poppers at Applebee's.

  34. Eve8Apples

    Jesus Christmas on a reindeer! Another "memoir" by a teatard twit who has done nothing memorable. Remember when books were written by educated people who had genuine, intellectual curiousity and who inspired rational discussion about important issues of the day?

  35. Billmatic

    I'm going to guess that "remarkable knowledge of our founding fathers" means that they all agree on the same bullshit that they learned 40 years ago in grade school instead of acknowledging the fact that they were by and large fabulously wealthy tax dodging slave owners that used the French Enlightenment as philosophical justification to rebel against the English.

    Because we all know that the French never did nothin for nobody.

    (I mean the Enlightenment is cool and all and giving the middle finger to royalty rules but I'm not really comfortable with creating a cult of personality for George Washington, nawmsayin yo?)

  36. V572 [SSAN]

    Appealing as that sounds, it is, oddly enough, financially impractical because the plaintiffs are or were Walmart employees and therefore have no money for depositions, briefs, etc. If only there were some way for them to aggregate their grievances as members of…oh, let’s call it a “class,” and take “action” against Walma…Well, there used to be.

    1. SorosBot

      And even if it was financially viable, it's a lot harder to prove individual employment discrimination than a pattern or practice of discrimination; the cases rarely win unless a boss enough of a dumbass to admit they wouldn't hire or promote someone because they were a woman or black, etc.

      1. PristineODummy

        Especially now that the burden of proof has shifted to the victim to prove the discrimination.

  37. ThundercatHo

    So, I guess dancing naked in the moonlight and fucking the devil isn't bringing in the cash? Better call up Newt cuz I hear Callista has reached her "sell by" date and he does have that nice line of credit at Tiffany's.

    1. mrblifil

      I dunno. I think Xtine would be a net downgrade after Callista, provided you ignore Callista's penchant for insane monster hair. But to each their own. Sometimes after a bony gal you like a little cushion.

    1. PristineODummy

      STRAIGHT guys, TYVM.

      Which reminds me of something Robert de Niro said about women preferring to take their clothes off in front of men rather than other women, who tend to be somewhat critical. "Whereas," said de Niro, "men are just grateful." Shoulda said "straight men," but that gave me the Lulz.

  38. FannyBurney

    So do we get hear about how she got drunk on wine coolers and lost her virginity to Satan?

    1. PristineODummy

      Not according to her neighbours, dood. They say she hits E above high C pretty good when making the beast with two hairy backs with her Christian rocker boyfriend.

  39. rocktonsam

    may be if she answered Penthouse's request, she wouldn't have to lower herself in this way

  40. ttommyunger

    "…publication of her memoir, 'Troublemaker'". This literary scam of the Right is amazing: people who can't write selling shitloads of books to people who don't read. I'm thinking the whole scam is backed by the Timber Industry.

  41. PristineODummy

    Anybody who would eat rose petals to make his farts more fragrant is a champeen in my book. That, plus his advice on growing Teh Noble Weed.

  42. PristineODummy

    If by "Friend of Dorothy" you mean "making muffins with Mr. Pudd'nCup," we can start that rumour now.

  43. PristineODummy

    Her sister's a lesbian, living in L.A., very openly out and in a longterm relationship. Sister says Xtine is totally supportive of Teh Ghey, but I've always wondered about Xtine's bedtime shenanigans myself. Yet the neighbours say she sings a high C up in a swingin' tree when she make banana love with Mr. Pudd'nCup, so, who knows.

  44. Negropolis

    love the emphasized part of the email, because obviously it's a lie given what we all know.

  45. FrenchTwist40

    GUYS! That's just mean! She's never going to be able to afford a Brazilian at this rate…

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