CHRISTINE DIDN'T GO 'ANYWHERE'  9:23 am June 22, 2011

Christine O’Donnell Reminds Everyone She Still Wants Some of Their Money

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

she knows her American history, gold starOh, look what nonsense is filling up our inbox already this morning! Unemployed sorceress Christine O’Donnell is out and about grifting with the pros these days, hawking her new memoir that some Tea Party guy thinks you should buy out of “love and support” for this person you had almost entirely forgotten existed until she started whining to everyone again that she still does not have that job America owes her. Christine knows all about our founding fathers, probably not like some other unemployed grifters you may have heard about, and would you please reward Christine now?

Oh but hey, look what other super grifting technique Christine O’Donnell has learned from the more successfully unemployed failure queen Sarah Palin: don’t be afraid to make vague, half-assed implications to anyone who will listen that “somebody” is thinking about a presidential run, and then wait for the PAC donations to pour in full-stop. Donate to ChristinePAC, because she is thinking about not running, maybe.

it's working for sarah palin, come on

Haha,”ChristineOD.” It’s like she magically knows how we feel about her! [ChristinePAC / Twitter]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 172 comments }

MozakiBlocks June 22, 2011 at 9:25 am

And with that I'm going back to bed…

Lucidamente1 June 22, 2011 at 9:26 am

"Tea Party patriots of Southern New Jersey?" Best episode of Jersey Shore ever.

Terry June 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

The people of the New Jersey pine barrens would make an awesome show, but it'd be closer to Deliverance than Jersey Shore.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

Ever hear Sinatra's songbook done by a jug-band?

Exquisite.

Mumbletypeg June 22, 2011 at 9:27 am

Between the unpaid mortgages and the unfulfilled college tuition balances, Xtine O.D. seems better known for what she's run from than what she's running for.

Oblios_Cap June 22, 2011 at 9:27 am

She's us!

I want some sweet, sweet cash, too.

mumbly_joe June 22, 2011 at 11:40 am

Well, she's definitely not me, that's for sure. *I* make an honest living, commenting on wonkette while pretending to do work.

philpjfry June 22, 2011 at 9:29 am

OK, She is a trouble maker, Sarah is undefeated and Bristol is not afraid of life. Wonder what color the sky is in their world? Makes you wonder if the tea party should be called the delusion party. I will help support all of these efforts as soon as I pay for the much needed can of hobo beans and gin. Money for nothing and your checks for free.

Redhead June 22, 2011 at 11:50 am

Did you know delusional disorder is a real thing? It's in the DSM under personality disorders, with different subtypes based on the type of delusion (persecutory, for one, and another – I forget the name – where someone thinks they're much more important than they really are).

I am 100% serious and not snarking right now.

harry_palmer June 22, 2011 at 9:29 am

If she spent all the coins in the couch cushions there might be a few caught in her thatch.

ttommyunger June 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Hee,hee!

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 9:30 am

So, Christine has one of them cameos in Spy Kids 4D?

trampndirtdown June 22, 2011 at 9:32 am

Maybe Ginny can send over a sack-o-cash, oh that's right money comes in but money doesn't go out. who can explain it?

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Clarence?

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 9:32 am

With the book, it looks like someone finally told Christine that she's got to put that grifted campaign money through the laundry before spending it; sadly for her she didn't know that before her 2010 campaign and so still is likely to go to jail.

donner_froh June 22, 2011 at 9:32 am

Give me money or I will run for President.

Quite a funding pitch from our Christine.

freakishlywrong June 22, 2011 at 9:33 am

And the only troublemaking this silly bitch did was lose a very winnable seat for her "party". What ever the hell that means anymore.

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 9:50 am

Hell, at least the loser Santorum did hold a Senate seat for 12 years, before the people of Pennsylvania booted his ass out by a large margin. All Christine has done is run for office and lose big-time. How the hell could anyone think she's qualified to run for President?

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 9:57 am

Surely she's no worse than the other horse's asses running?

mumbly_joe June 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

SRSLY. Herman Cain ran a third-string pizza chain/subsidiary of Pilsbury, had a right-wing radio show, and lost a Senate primary. I really do mean it when I say that he is LITERALLY less qualified for president than my high school economics teacher.

EatsBabyDingos June 22, 2011 at 9:34 am

I'd care more if she were naked farting in a mud puddle for her new book "Bubblemaker." Or if she worked in a sweaty Vietnamese factory for Major League Baseball as a "Bobblemaker."

Instead, she is just a "Babblemaker."

mereoblivion June 22, 2011 at 9:56 am

For the second time in less than a week I am seized with an irresistible impulse to ask "Just out of curiosity, why a mud puddle?"

EatsBabyDingos June 22, 2011 at 10:12 am

Because farting in a bath tub is normal, unless you are catching the gas in the bubbles and lighting them on fire for "science" with a grant from the American Petroleum Gasbag Association.

Now, I am curious about farting in outer space due to the dissipation issues…

Chillwaver June 22, 2011 at 9:35 am

I'm sure I'm not the first one to point this our, but this crazy bitch is Rachel Ray and Sarah Palin combined into a single person. Truly frightening…

Terry June 22, 2011 at 10:21 am

She's Sarah Palin without the meanness and meth labs.

ChessieNefercat June 22, 2011 at 10:31 am

Sarah Palin without the horrifying spawn.

donner_froh June 22, 2011 at 9:35 am

Newt Gingrich has some good fundraising advice for her: Do fuck all until everyone quits.

hollywooddood June 22, 2011 at 9:36 am

Christine is a human infomercial.

KeepFnThatChicken June 22, 2011 at 9:37 am

I know that we lambaste Christians for having burned witches, but…

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2011 at 10:52 am

In US America, witch burns you.

FlownOver June 22, 2011 at 9:37 am

Now here's someone who could use a wine cooler or two!

AntonovBureau June 22, 2011 at 9:38 am

Well, a middle aged person 'writing' an autobiography and calling it a "memoir" isn't quite as bad as Bristol 'writing' a "book" with the subtitle "my journey so far"

Anyway, it all reminds me of a former high-school quarterback who has nothing to talk about except his glory days when he was 17

harry_palmer June 22, 2011 at 9:41 am

Except for the part about having been somebody in high school.

AntonovBureau June 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

Or, in Bristol's case, quitting high school

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Sounds an awful lot like her muvver, don't she?

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 9:57 am

One who scored four touchdowns, in one game, at Polk high?

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 9:57 am

This is what four touchdowns in one game look like.

LabRodent June 22, 2011 at 9:39 am

Why Cant she just conjure up some money like all the other witches in the world. Fu*king rookie!

Steverino247 June 22, 2011 at 9:58 am

Accio CASH!

donner_froh June 22, 2011 at 9:39 am

where Christine showed her true colors to me

Where Christine flashed her greying pubic hair to me.

deanbooth June 22, 2011 at 9:42 am

"I'm you"? She's more like Palin's Mini Me.

Captain_Quark June 22, 2011 at 9:42 am

So, "troublemaker" is evidently Teabagger slang for "ambitious, crazy imbecile." Sorta like how "maverick" means "angry senile twit." Maverick/Troublemaker 2012!

harry_palmer June 22, 2011 at 9:42 am

So what is it in this "tea" that makes these bitches so demented?

RedneckMuslin June 22, 2011 at 10:56 am

T ?

ThundercatHo June 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

Well, according to one of my herb books witches used aconitum (aka monkshood) made into an ointment which when smeared on the breasts allowed them to fly. Or could be they were just tripping their asses off since it is poisonous/toxic/hallucenagenic.

bureaucrap June 22, 2011 at 9:43 am

"showed a remarkable knowledge of our founding fathers."

I assume the supporter meant biblical "knowledge". It must go back to the being a witch thing.

Tundra Grifter June 22, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Remember how Salem treated witches, back in the Colonial days…

samsuncle June 22, 2011 at 9:43 am

There is method to this Repbulican madness of cranking out ghost written books. It's all part of their plan to put people back to work building more librarys to hold them all.

Oblios_Cap June 22, 2011 at 9:55 am

Tea Party architects always forget to account for the weight of the books, having never read any.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 10:42 am

Don't worry: the Invisible Hand has got this.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Right now, what the Invisible Hand has got is an extended Rigid Digit. Waving right in our collective face.

Noman June 22, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Fantasyland.

FNMA June 22, 2011 at 10:19 am

Except the Republicans are all trying to eliminate libraries by cutting off their funding. The employment plan would be better suited for right-wing hack ghost writers who couldn't get gigs turning the Snowbilly's word salads into less nonsensical prose.

OneDollarJuana June 22, 2011 at 10:50 am

It is rather fascinating that while the Republicans are doing their damnedest to create a vast illiterate serfdom, they also rely very heavily on ghost writers who are, presumably, reasonably literate.

succalina August 30, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I wouldn't go all presumably just yet. Ghosties still have to match up their words to the word salads they have been given. Bachmann's ghost writer had to create the "facts" for the chapter "Marcus is NOT gay!"

Barb June 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

She's especially fond of Ben Franklin, the founding father who said, "a penny donated is a penny earned for jalapeno poppers at Applebee's."

trampndirtdown June 22, 2011 at 9:49 am

Didn't Benny also say something about not being able to find the "bird" cuz the bush was just too thick?

weejee June 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

And didn't Ben also say vacuous is as vacuous does?

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 9:59 am

Franklin was definitely the biggest poon hound of the better known Founders.

Terry June 22, 2011 at 10:23 am

Tommy J had his moments, too.

genxr June 22, 2011 at 10:31 am

I think between the founding fathers, they'd have every category covered on youporn.

OneDollarJuana June 22, 2011 at 10:53 am

Loved that one when George popped out his wooden teeth and …

trampndirtdown June 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

Lolz reports out that Palin has quit her bus tour, sorry no links yet.

ChessieNefercat June 22, 2011 at 10:36 am

Palin quit something? No! I'm shocked!

Jesus. No wonder. Couldn't even keep her own family with her on the road trip to hell.

PsycWench June 22, 2011 at 10:55 am

You have to love a man who wrote "And as in the dark all cats are gray, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior; every knack being, by practice, capable of improvement."

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:42 pm

I'm tellin' ya. He'd be great in teh sack. It's 99% attitude, after all, and Benjy had lots of it.

lulzmonger June 23, 2011 at 5:01 am

Also, never forget "99% perspiration & 1% inspiration," as another great American once said.

Not to mention, "over 40 = never tell, won't swell, & grateful as hell."

zhubajie June 23, 2011 at 12:44 am

He had a very low opinion of born-agins!

V572 [SSAN] June 22, 2011 at 9:45 am

Supreme Court says Walmart is too big to sue. Senate Republicans won't settle for anything less than a bond market crash and 9% unemployment on election day, because they'd rather run the country into the ditch than see Hopey win again. And now this Republiskank is back.

Any chance of any good news any time soon?

GunToting[Redacted] June 22, 2011 at 9:47 am

Over 30 comments and no one has stated the obvious?

Tits or GTFO.

weejee June 22, 2011 at 9:49 am

Pole dancing lady bug video or GTFO.

mumbly_joe June 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

Or, for that matter, Tits and GTFO. GTFO, is my point.

GuyClinch June 22, 2011 at 9:48 am

"Troublemaker" is also the name of her favorite cocktail: 2 parts wine cooler, 1 part eye of Newt, one part sour grape juice, and a dash of bitter. Typically chased with a shot of santorum.

AutomaticPilot June 22, 2011 at 10:16 am

OT, but Fox "News" was playing at the gym last night and although I try really hard not to look directly at it without eye protection, I did catch a rather amusing headline: "Santorum on Romney"

Monsieur_Grumpe June 22, 2011 at 9:50 am

Why isn't she working on FOX? Not blond enough?

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 10:44 am

True… But that just means CNN has its moment to become more "balanced". Put ChristineOD on Spitzer's show, to replace the Pulitzer-winning Kathleen Parker.

lulzmonger June 23, 2011 at 4:55 am

Needs to repress gag reflex.
Rupert likes DEEP journalism!

PsycWench June 22, 2011 at 9:51 am

We ODed on her last year, but thanks anyway.

Beowoof June 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

Christine showed her true colors, but inquiring minds want to know if she showed you her extra hairy bush.

FraAnima June 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

Tee hee. You said "snatch".

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

Took her clothes off and showed how red her buttocks are?

LiveToServeYa June 22, 2011 at 9:56 am

The Hex and Charm market must've slumped.

Goonemeritus June 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

Not as spiteful as Palin, cute as a speckled pup and barking mad. Why if I were a younger man…..

ChessieNefercat June 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

"Why if I were a younger man….. "

You could have a younger, cuter woman that wasn't barking mad? Or is barking mad a good thing?

Goonemeritus June 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

Truth is I’m not that old, nor have I ever dated a conservative but when I was younger and single, barking mad was a good thing. Not talking settle down raise a bipolar brood good thing but exciting.

BarryOPotter June 22, 2011 at 10:53 am

"Why if I were a younger man….. I'd drop a batch in her eye and run away"
-Prez Bebblebrox

zhubajie June 23, 2011 at 12:45 am

She might be up for an older sugar daddy.

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

If she'd give an address, I might mail her some Hell money.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

You know, hardly anybody ('cept maybe you and me) is even going to understand that.

Besides, sending people Hell money is bad luck. Oh, wait, on second thought …

zhubajie June 23, 2011 at 12:47 am

Re the pinyin stuff, you never know.

Is sending Hell money bad luck for her or me? My life is a blues song, anyway. I did mail some to Pat Robertson and to my Congressman, one time.

Steverino247 June 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

Sorry, sweetie, but I like to learn something when I read a book. Or at least be entertained.

Crank_Tango June 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

"Founding fathers" sure is a strange way to say "sugar daddies," but then again I don't know much about tea.

cheetojeebus June 22, 2011 at 10:06 am

Why am i reminded of a little tiny nasty poodle humping my leg? Wrong gender but you get the idea.

Sue4466 June 22, 2011 at 10:07 am

The whole Tea Party "movement" appears to be nothing but a pyramid scheme for politics, which is a less useful product than even the crap Amway sells.

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

But, Amway also sells the Tea Party.

The DeVos is in the Details.

not that Dewey June 22, 2011 at 10:07 am

"Looking for Christine O'Donnell products? Other customers suggested these items:

Goliath Labs Ejaculoid, 60 Capsules
3.5 out of 5 stars (30) $32.95
Suggested by 2 customers

Pipedreams Total Ecstasy Triple Stimulator
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Suggested by 5 customers

Summoning Spirits for Money by Kuriakos
$17.54
Suggested by 3 customers

Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation by Jamye Waxman
4.4 out of 5 stars (7) $10.85"

No joke.

Limeylizzie June 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

She is me, in one way, we both have an aversion to some person, that we do not know , place hot wax on our vaginal regions and rip off all the hair down there. Other than that, oh and the horny drunkenness thing, she is not me at all.

Mumbletypeg June 22, 2011 at 10:34 am

OT: Love the new avatar, Lizzie. It looks like a cross between an overcoat-clad Aunt Bea from Andy Griffith show and… maybe a slightly cleaned-up Otis the Drunk from Andy Griffith show?

Limeylizzie June 22, 2011 at 10:36 am

Thanks, it's the same woman as my old one, Violet Carson aka Ena Shaples from "Coronation Street". I love her.

zhubajie June 23, 2011 at 12:48 am

Keep the natural, by all means. That's always the best.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

What's another word for teabagger supporter?
~

El Pinche June 22, 2011 at 10:15 am

Taint licker?

Limeylizzie June 22, 2011 at 10:17 am

Moron?

horsedreamer_1 June 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

Saucer?

neiltheblaze June 22, 2011 at 10:19 am

Rascaljock?

Crank_Tango June 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

Hitler?

ifthethunderdontgetya June 22, 2011 at 10:54 am

These are all excellent answers, and everyone wins a Gold Star.

However, Crack_Tango gets extra applause for picking the low-hanging fruit.

P.S. Waiting for e.change.org is just like waiting for ???

That's right…
~

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Chin? Oh, no, that's teabag suporter. Never mind.

lulzmonger June 23, 2011 at 4:53 am

Jockstrap?

smitallica June 22, 2011 at 10:15 am

Until this post, I had truly forgotten all about this nutbar. Seriously. Complete blank. It was nice. Thanks for screwing that up, Wonkette.

mavenmaven June 22, 2011 at 10:19 am

Christine's presidency would signal a return to the Bush era.

BlueMonkeh June 22, 2011 at 10:52 am

HA! ++++++

Angry_Marmot June 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm

From Sticky Wicket to Wicked Thicket: Inside the O'Donnell White House

BarryOPotter June 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

"Brunette. Lots and lots of brunette hair, man. Lots. Just, like… wow. Thick, plush brunette for days…"

prommie June 22, 2011 at 10:23 am

She is at first glance attractive but then you see, she is for sure the kind that just lays there, and cries afterward. And those teeth, she has to be a "scraper." But I'd hit it anyway, for the story.

Crank_Tango June 22, 2011 at 10:26 am

well if her pussy is as revirginated as she says, it's gotta be smooth as a basketball court inside there. And prolly about as moist. And tight as parking a suburban in a parking ramp "compact" spot.

And of the nutbag teacunts, she definitely is the most bangable.

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

But then there's also her reported complete lack of genital hygiene to consider.

Crank_Tango June 22, 2011 at 10:55 am

It's ok, I have landscaping experience. hedge trimmers or maybe round-up ought to take care of it.

OneDollarJuana June 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

"Basketball Court" might not be the best analogy for a (re-)virginal vagina. Most basketball courts have a bunch of sweaty guys running around on them while playing with their balls.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Even if her ass does look like a sack full of cats?

carlgt1 June 22, 2011 at 10:24 am

if they place such importance on knowing history of the founding fathers, why are no professors of American history (other than from "Bob Jones University", or "Professor" Gingrich) on board with the Tea Party or indeed a major candidate?

zhubajie June 23, 2011 at 12:52 am

Let us not forget that the American Historians Association voted Bush "Worst President Ever," a few years back. The only dissidents were the guy who preferred "Worst Since Millard Fillmore" and another who preferred "Best Since Bill Clinton."

genxr June 22, 2011 at 10:27 am

Remember when Gillette offered ZZ Top a million dollars to shave their beards on TV? If Christine is looking for fundraising ideas, something to think about.

DaSandman June 22, 2011 at 10:28 am

Well its a more direct grift then using your campaign funds for Starbucks and ladyparts care….

MrFizzy June 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

She could absolutely make a living as a witch stripper.

Angry_Marmot June 22, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I am so there. Soon as I find a cash machine…

DaRooster June 22, 2011 at 10:30 am

"… showing your love and support…"

Well… what I have isn't necessarily "love"… but I might support her head… by her hair.

Weenus299 June 22, 2011 at 10:38 am

She's going to end up shooting someone and then swearing to God she didn't. Is she still not having sex with Puddn' Cup? Sucks to be him.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm

According to her neighbours, she has been having some high-decibelage sex with Pudd'n Cup for, like, forever now.

prommie June 22, 2011 at 10:40 am

Oh, I know that girl, she appears in many guises.

BarryOPotter June 22, 2011 at 10:44 am

When the groupies throw themselves at you, what can you do?

That was one of my favorite chapters from the Ben Franklin unauthorized autobiography: "Hey, Hey What Can I Do: A Year In the Life of Dirty Ole Ben – You Wish Were Me, Bitches"

DaRooster June 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

No, no, no… its "Witchaaay" Woman…

DahBoner June 22, 2011 at 10:46 am

Aww, she needs to find a Sugar Daddy just like Clarence Thomas…

DashboardBuddha June 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

He certainly doesn't have any issues with pubic hair.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Not his own, anyway.

OneDollarJuana June 22, 2011 at 10:52 am

He also added to his first aphorism that one should not touch one's "bird" after handling the jalapeño poppers at Applebee's.

Eve8Apples June 22, 2011 at 10:54 am

Jesus Christmas on a reindeer! Another "memoir" by a teatard twit who has done nothing memorable. Remember when books were written by educated people who had genuine, intellectual curiousity and who inspired rational discussion about important issues of the day?

user-of-owls June 22, 2011 at 11:04 am

You must be as ancient as old Owls if you remember that far back.

Geminisunmars June 22, 2011 at 10:58 am

Makes sense to me. And Christine.

Billmatic June 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

I'm going to guess that "remarkable knowledge of our founding fathers" means that they all agree on the same bullshit that they learned 40 years ago in grade school instead of acknowledging the fact that they were by and large fabulously wealthy tax dodging slave owners that used the French Enlightenment as philosophical justification to rebel against the English.

Because we all know that the French never did nothin for nobody.

(I mean the Enlightenment is cool and all and giving the middle finger to royalty rules but I'm not really comfortable with creating a cult of personality for George Washington, nawmsayin yo?)

zhubajie June 23, 2011 at 12:40 am

It's all negative knowledge, anyway. Crap which she believes but which ain't so.

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

Who the fuck is Christine O'Donnell?

V572 [SSAN] June 22, 2011 at 11:03 am

Appealing as that sounds, it is, oddly enough, financially impractical because the plaintiffs are or were Walmart employees and therefore have no money for depositions, briefs, etc. If only there were some way for them to aggregate their grievances as members of…oh, let’s call it a “class,” and take “action” against Walma…Well, there used to be.

SorosBot June 22, 2011 at 11:46 am

And even if it was financially viable, it's a lot harder to prove individual employment discrimination than a pattern or practice of discrimination; the cases rarely win unless a boss enough of a dumbass to admit they wouldn't hire or promote someone because they were a woman or black, etc.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Especially now that the burden of proof has shifted to the victim to prove the discrimination.

Zombie_Reagan June 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

Wow, tuition at Hogwart's must be expensive.

ThundercatHo June 22, 2011 at 11:14 am

So, I guess dancing naked in the moonlight and fucking the devil isn't bringing in the cash? Better call up Newt cuz I hear Callista has reached her "sell by" date and he does have that nice line of credit at Tiffany's.

mrblifil June 22, 2011 at 11:49 am

I dunno. I think Xtine would be a net downgrade after Callista, provided you ignore Callista's penchant for insane monster hair. But to each their own. Sometimes after a bony gal you like a little cushion.

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

Teehee. You said "baby chute."

ChessieNefercat June 22, 2011 at 11:38 am

Aw, guys are so cute. And always hopeful.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:45 pm

STRAIGHT guys, TYVM.

Which reminds me of something Robert de Niro said about women preferring to take their clothes off in front of men rather than other women, who tend to be somewhat critical. "Whereas," said de Niro, "men are just grateful." Shoulda said "straight men," but that gave me the Lulz.

superdave June 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

Click on the ad! That's wingnut money going straight to fund our beloved Wonkette.

proudgrampa June 22, 2011 at 11:40 am

I'm sure that Exxon paid well…

FannyBurney June 22, 2011 at 11:57 am

So do we get hear about how she got drunk on wine coolers and lost her virginity to Satan?

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:58 pm

I thought that was Santa? Or maybe Satin.

Slim_Pickins June 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Maybe her Twitter "handle" should simply be @COD.

Gopherit June 22, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Why isn't she in jail yet?

monty4prez June 22, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Jesus?

Redhead June 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Nope, it's a separate thing – but they can be both diagnosed in the same person, I believe. http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/delus… (check out grandiose subtype).

Tundra Grifter June 22, 2011 at 1:35 pm

The only trouble she's had so far is finding a job.

genxr June 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

She did all that without losing her virginity!

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Not according to her neighbours, dood. They say she hits E above high C pretty good when making the beast with two hairy backs with her Christian rocker boyfriend.

rocktonsam June 22, 2011 at 5:01 pm

may be if she answered Penthouse's request, she wouldn't have to lower herself in this way

ttommyunger June 22, 2011 at 8:09 pm

"…publication of her memoir, 'Troublemaker'". This literary scam of the Right is amazing: people who can't write selling shitloads of books to people who don't read. I'm thinking the whole scam is backed by the Timber Industry.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I'm gettin' real tired of replying to alla these questions.

Hitler?

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Anybody who would eat rose petals to make his farts more fragrant is a champeen in my book. That, plus his advice on growing Teh Noble Weed.

Noman June 22, 2011 at 8:46 pm

The dog?

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:55 pm

If by "Friend of Dorothy" you mean "making muffins with Mr. Pudd'nCup," we can start that rumour now.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Her sister's a lesbian, living in L.A., very openly out and in a longterm relationship. Sister says Xtine is totally supportive of Teh Ghey, but I've always wondered about Xtine's bedtime shenanigans myself. Yet the neighbours say she sings a high C up in a swingin' tree when she make banana love with Mr. Pudd'nCup, so, who knows.

Negropolis June 23, 2011 at 1:04 am

love the emphasized part of the email, because obviously it's a lie given what we all know.

FrenchTwist40 June 23, 2011 at 1:14 am

GUYS! That's just mean! She's never going to be able to afford a Brazilian at this rate…

lulzmonger June 23, 2011 at 4:52 am

I'm not a total scam-artist.
I'm you.
I mean, if you were a total scam-artist.

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