MORMON JESUS HATES AMERICA  1:29 pm June 21, 2011

Mitt Romney Says Helping America’s Tornado Victims Is ‘Immoral’

by Wonkette Jr.

Let's give a big hand (or two) to Mitt Romney, giant masshole.Tornadoes and floods and wildfires and droughts and other biblical plagues have been killing Americans and destroying their towns all year long, but constipated mannequin Mitt Romney wants to be seen as a real tough-guy Tea Party asshole these days. So he told a crowd that helping storm victims is “immoral” and that it also “makes no sense.” Just let those stupid Midwestern people die already! If Mormon Jesus wanted Americans in the Heartland to be alive, he wouldn’t have killed them with a constant parade of devastating megastorms!

Think Progress reports:

Embracing a radical anti-government ideology from the most extreme elements of the Tea Party, Romney said that the victims in Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Massachusetts, and other communities hit by tornadoes and flooding should not receive governmental assistance. He argued it is “simply immoral” for there to be deficit spending that could harm future generations

Mittens also argued that it’s better to simply let Mormon Jesus kill off Christian America now, so that there will simply be no future generations at all. [Think Progress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 192 comments }

chascates June 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

And what if we had another 9/11-style attack or massive earthquake? Sorry, we're broke and can't do anything about it. This is responsibility?

Guppy06 June 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You can't expect Big Oil to pay for relief to 9/11 victims! That's class warfare!

neiltheblaze June 21, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Yes, as President he would have an overriding responsibility to those awesome generations not yet born, rather than the rag-tag, worthless rabble that exist here and now.

Swampgas_Man June 21, 2011 at 3:09 pm

The New Repub Ideology: If Mother Nature fucks 'em, let 'em STAY fucked.

OneYieldRegular June 21, 2011 at 3:25 pm

All the time these people were screaming about health care reform, I kept thinking, "I sure the f-ing hell am glad I'm not their sick child." I mean, the doctor would say to them, "Your child will die unless she has an emergency heart transplant," and they'd be all, "Well, how much will that cost?"

Buckminster June 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

What a tool.

LabRodent June 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Jack-Ass hammer?

WABishop June 21, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Nut driver?

Swampgas_Man June 21, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Ass-wiper blade?

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 12:36 am

What a terrible thing to say. Tools are actually useful and serve a purpose.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Thank you. I was just thinking that, me own self.

TrotskysAxe June 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

See! I can be just as horrible as those other guys! Go ahead, ask me something else….

mrblifil June 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

OK, hey Mitt, if helping downtrodden storm victims who have lost everything because of an act of Divine Providence is "immoral," how would you describe driving around on the highway with a live dog strapped to the top of your car?

drrty_martini June 21, 2011 at 5:41 pm

From what I understand, the answer depends on what seat you had.

LabRodent June 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Does being Rich make you an asshole or is aquired like fine art and nice cars.

LesPaultard June 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Often, it is congenital.

FNMA June 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Some people are born assholes and others earn it. Mittens, it seems, is both.

powersuit June 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

No. Being a rich Republican does.

Rarian Rakista June 21, 2011 at 2:48 pm

The richer you are, the greater likelihood you are a sociopath.

Gleem_McShineys June 21, 2011 at 5:51 pm

"Welcome to Kochmart! We can outfit you with the finest unfeeling obnoxiousness that money can buy! Care to try a sample of our new Peppermint Orphan Stomping Tonic?"

PuckStopsHere June 21, 2011 at 1:35 pm

"Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all."
Signed,
Mormon Jesus

MildMidwesterner June 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

You must be referring to my 8 wives.

Rarian Rakista June 22, 2011 at 6:45 am

and 20 children.

Native_of_SL_UT June 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Yeah, I know most people think Mormons are weird. I live amongst them and I can testify to the truth of that, but honestly, I can't believe the LDS church lets people like Romney and Beck trash their "good" name this way. They have a bad enough reputation without these two assholes being the face of the church.

NYNYNYjr June 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

"Fuck em all and let Mormon Jesus sort them out."

-Republican Jesus

Terry June 22, 2011 at 8:51 am

Sadly enough, in this case Mittens is not only selling out his own previous views but those of his Church. I may talk smack about the whole baptism of dead thing, but the Mormons are quick to respond and very generous with time and resources after a disaster.

Mittens, you would say anything to grab a few libertarian and tea bagger votes from Ron Paul, wouldn't you?

Preferred Customer June 21, 2011 at 1:35 pm

It is simply immoral to go even one penny into debt in order to deal with an emergency. That's why all forms of personal credit should be banned. If your water heater blows up and you can't cover the cost with the cash in your pocket, you are worse than Hitler.

WABishop June 21, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Some people just don't see how a rise in the capital gains tax cause some real heartache! Why do liberals hate our children?

genxr June 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Why do they want to punish success, and reward people whose houses flood, catch fire, and collapse on top of them?

CapeClod June 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm

And we wouldn't have had the crisis in the housing sector if people had just paid for their homes, cash on the barrel.

AJWjr. June 21, 2011 at 6:26 pm

This used to actually be settled church doctrine, probably until some Mormon banker decided he could make a living selling mortgages. And kicking back tithing 10% to the church.

Rarian Rakista June 22, 2011 at 6:52 am

Homeowneship has allowed many people to provide for themselves and their families, especially after the GI bill. When the rich saw this they started bundling the mortgages together, artificially creating another layer of wealth above/above actual property. Than they started insuring it which is like 3 layers removed from reality.

Sue4466 June 21, 2011 at 2:52 pm

This is what always confounds me with the deficit talk and how "the American People know that you can't spend money you don't have." Bullshit. The American People are carrying a shitload of credit card debt that proves otherwise, so please GOP, stop already with the folksy analogies to Ma & Pa 'round the kitchen table.

MozakiBlocks June 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Go to hell Mitt.

Serolf_Divad June 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

That was then:
Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go [and] sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come [and] follow me. (Matthew 19:21 – King James Version)

This is now:
Jesus said unto him: "Fuck the poor. they're mostly illigal immigrants anyway. Come to take our jobs. Give an illegal Mexican a fish and he'll eat one day. Tell him to fuck off, leave you alone and go back to Mexico and you can eat the fish yourself." (Matthew 19:21 – Teaparty Version)

LabRodent June 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

As it is written so shall it be DONE!

hooray4anything June 21, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Today's Jesus would not only refuse to help the lepers, but hit them with a walking staff and sell them to the Romans for medical experiments.

a_pink_poodle June 21, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen

Come here a minute June 21, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Maybe the part about "screw the poor" is in the Book of Mormon. It's undoubtedly something Moronic.

Fox n Fiends June 21, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Now there's that commie libtard Jesus hating our freedom again

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 12:46 am

This is the CofD (comment of the day), right?

LesPaultard June 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Mormon Jeebus actually said that once: When they're down, kick 'em in the head.

FNMA June 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Sure. You ever try to kick someone in the head when they're standing up? You could hurt your leg.

HistoriCat June 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Or suffer a nasty groin pull.

imissopus June 21, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Unless you're Chuck Norris.

AJWjr. June 21, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Needz moar tai kwan leep.

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 9:13 pm

See, now, that all depends on how tall you are, vis-a-vis how tall THEY are. If they're REALLY short, and you're REALLY tall, you might not hurt your leg at all. Of course, there's always the possibility that they will leap for your 'nads with their teeth, but that shouldn't hurt the leg too much.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

If only we had let New Orleans lay fallow, we wouldn't have the deficit we have now!

loulouroo June 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

What makes you think they didn't?

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 12:48 am

"If only we had let New Orleans lay (more) fallow, we wouldn't have the deficit we have now! "

Fixed.

jodyleek June 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Needs more "Let them eat cake!"

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 12:49 am

Mmmmmm….cake…..

Wait, what we talking about, again?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I wonder if Mitt will go down to Florida or Texas after they are hit by Hurricanes this season and tell them to quit whining.

CapeClod June 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Different audience! To them he'll say, "I'm not going to worry about the deficit as long as you people need our help!"

GOPCrusher June 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

He needs to go to Arizona and Texas and tell Brewer and Perry to stop trying to suckle the government teet, just because their states are burning to the ground.

lumpenprole June 21, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Those are tragic battles between man and Mother Nature. Can't let Her think She can just wash away the important stuff. It's either in the Constitution or the GOP Bible, whichever.

GuyClinch June 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Over to you, Huntsman! Whaddya got?

memzilla June 21, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Romney / Plagues 2012!

"In Your Heart, You Know He's Blight."

"Extremism In The Defense of Rentiers Is No Vice!"

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 12:50 am

LOL!

Captain_Quark June 21, 2011 at 1:38 pm

In other news, alien life form Mitt Romney dons his magic underwear and is beamed up to planet Zxnorx, whence he came. A spokesman for the Zxnorxian authorities declared "We sent him down as an experiment to see if we could duplicate an actual human being. The experiment has thus far been only a qualified success. Mitt 2.0 will be back soon, however."

poncho_pilot June 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

David Bowie he ain't.

DustBowlBlues June 21, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Until I saw Elder Price perform "I Believe" during the Tony broadcast, I didn't know they think they get their own planets and believe that Jesus has his, too.

Parker, Stone, and the Avenue Q composer. Fuck, I wish I had the cash to go to NYC and see it.

magic_titty June 21, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Next time the tornadoes pass through town just ask them to pay for it.

Pragmatist2 June 21, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I'm praying for a plague of locusts to hit Utah.

Native_of_SL_UT June 21, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Been there, done that and now we have flying garbage disposals as our state bird.

flamingpdog June 21, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Pray for the Yellowstone caldera to swoosh up and collapse and wait for the fiery cowboy dust to blanket the beehives.

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 12:52 am

I'm just praying that the scourge of reality hits Utah, and hard.

Rarian Rakista June 22, 2011 at 6:55 am

They are already infested with Mormons, isn't that punishment enough?

meufchelou June 21, 2011 at 1:38 pm

"He argued it is “simply immoral” for there to be deficit spending that could harm future generations."

And in addition, his way ensures the current generation that might require government assistance is that much smaller!

Goonemeritus June 21, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Yes we need to only spend on DOD and aid to corporations, everything else makes the baby Jesus cry.

TrotskysAxe June 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Spending on defense is automagically not deficit spending. It comes first.

ChessieNefercat June 21, 2011 at 5:42 pm

"Yes we need to only spend on DOD and aid to corporations, everything else makes the baby Jesus cry."

Yes, and His Holy Mother, too:
"My soul doth magnify the Lord.
And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
Because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid;
for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
Because he that is mighty,
hath done great things to me;
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is from generation unto generations,
to them that fear him.
He hath shewed might in his arm:
he hath scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.
He hath put down the mighty from their seat,
and hath exalted the humble.
He hath filled the hungry with good things;
and the rich he hath sent empty away.

He hath received Israel his servant,
being mindful of his mercy:
As he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his seed for ever."
–(Luke 1:46-55)

Oh, no, wait a minute. Say, I think someone is messing with the Good Book, and it is not the liberals.

Goonemeritus June 21, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Is that from Marx or Engles writings?

PuckStopsHere June 21, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I believe it's spelled "gub-mitt." You're welcome.

wonkettkinkster June 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

it's "gub-mint". The n really brings out the i.

Barb June 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Taken from Mitt's website:
"Please donate. Together, we’ll make certain America remains the greatest nation on Earth."

It's okay for YOU to ask for some of MY money and the disaster victims shouldn't ask for some of my tax money to get back on their feet? What a dickweed!

Native_of_SL_UT June 21, 2011 at 1:53 pm

So the definition of "greatest" is to fuck over the least fortunate of your people and give all your excess cash to the most fortunate amongst us?
So the definition of "greatest" is to fuck over people now in order for people in the future have low, low taxes and lots of dead ancestors?

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Pointing out the GOP's hypocrisy makes bald eagles and baby Jesus cry….It also gives kittens congenital adrenal hyperplasia. USA USA USA!!!!

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 9:18 pm

We're number 50,009!

freakishlywrong June 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I believe the greatest nation of Earth has an obligation to it's citizens in time of disaster.

hooray4anything June 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Piffle and balderdash

Barb June 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Very well said, Freakishly. I'm probably not thinking of this in the right context though….
If the people get help they can rebuild. Lumber sales go up, people get paid to piece that lumber back into the shape of a house. The workers can afford to go to the diner and the waitress takes her tips and goes to the mall and gets jeans for her kid. (tax, tax, tax) I could be wrong, but it beats the shit out of thinking that we can create jobs by praying that the corporations aren't going to send the jobs to Brazil and still get huge tax breaks.

genxr June 21, 2011 at 5:55 pm

And by preventing all of that from happening, Mitt lowers taxes! Hooray!

lumpenprole June 21, 2011 at 9:32 pm

All of that seemingly productive activity is cancelled out by the sheer power of indolence which inevitably follows when a normally productive person lays their paws on a government check. Worse than crack. In fact, they're printed on recycled crack pipes.

Dashboard_Jesus June 22, 2011 at 3:18 am

oh yeah, just keep fuckin'/ jerkin' THAT chicken…moron

GuyClinch June 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

I sure hope — and expect — that Bammerz is keeping a list of the absurd shit coming out of Mitt's terrible mouth.

HistoriCat June 21, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Why? Hasn't he embraced enough the Republican agenda already?

GuyClinch June 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I think it's safe to say that giving aid to disaster victims would be a point of departure between Obama and Romney.

lumpenprole June 21, 2011 at 9:39 pm

But it'll be like the difference between Likud and Labor in Israel over what to do with the Palestians.
Mitt – "Release the Hounds!"
Obama – "The hounds have been an obstacle, true, but …"

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Truly. I'm actually too aghast by this steaming pile to resort to my usual snark and vicious, vile, name-calling and abuse. NOW what am I gonna do? May the next hurricane/tornado/plague of frogs hit ONLY Mitt and the Mittlings, and spare all others (OK, maybe he can take those motherfucking dwarves called "Teh Refuglycan't Candidates" wiv him.) Christ on a fucking crutch.

Come here a minute June 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

As always, the Republicans prove their hostility to life after birth.

poncho_pilot June 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Mormon Jesus sounds a lot like Ayn Rand.

Gratuitous World June 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

If nominated, Romney is set to announce the Joplin Tornado as his running mate.
america.

NYNYNYjr June 21, 2011 at 2:29 pm

The Joplin Tornado isn't afraid to make tough choices. And he's not a Washington insider. He's a true American, from the heartland, raised on a farm.

mrblifil June 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

That's just spin. He's a blowhard.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Um, Mitt? Those "victims" are also known as "potential voters." Just saying.

TrotskysAxe June 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Not if we don't rebuild their polling places.

WABishop June 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Counts the number of voters afflicted by the tornadoes….

Counts the number of voters motivated by greed and resentment….

No brainer.

Rarian Rakista June 22, 2011 at 6:58 am

Greed, resentment and jr. high school revenge fantasies.

genxr June 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Sorry. Their voter ID cards were lost along with everything else.

hooray4anything June 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Even dumber, they're white voters. Mitt can't even get this part right.

Crank_Tango June 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm

is Missouri really part of Real America tho?

Winnie_Cooper June 21, 2011 at 3:41 pm

When I've driven through it, there are more Jesus billboards than anywhere else that I have ever seen. Does that make it real?

Jukesgrrl June 21, 2011 at 5:14 pm

That giant lighted cross on Interstate 44 scared the pants off me the first time I saw it. I wanted to step on the gas and get out of Missouri ASAP. Then again, the last thing I wanted to do was get arrested in that place.

Winnie_Cooper June 22, 2011 at 1:57 pm

On that same cross-country drive, there was a huge cross in Texas that similarly gave me the willies. I was only driving across a small part of Texas through Amarillo, so it was somewhere thereabouts. Getting to the hippie confines of Albuquerque was something of a relief after all that.

GuyClinch June 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I know! He's usually been without equal at pandering.

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 1:05 am

Who are we kidding. Those tornado-ravaged communities will vote straight-ticket Republican regardless.

hagajim June 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

C'mon guys…Mitt is just being a pandering asshole so he can get nominated. You all know that the second he gets the nod he will run as fast and far from the teatards as he can. Those dinguses know it too, which is why Mitt won't likely get the nod.

fuflans June 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

mitt: pandering to the teatards isn't going to help.

1. you're mormon
2. you crafted a government run health care scheme
3. bachmann's in the race.

SayItWithWookies June 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

This is why Mittens weeps when he tours scenes of natural disasters — he feels the pain of all the smart bombs and oil subsidies that will be lost in the clamor to help those who deliberately placed themselves in the way of the The LORD's weather.

Maman June 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

I guess cruelty masked as fiscal responsibility must be that which separates Mormons from the other religions.

BeWoot June 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I guess cruelty masked as fiscal responsibility must be that which separates Mormons varieties of Christianity from the other religions.

There. Fixed.

OneDollarJuana June 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

So, Mitt is actually arguing for the elimination of corporate welfare, because we are going deeper into debt to give tax breaks to the rich and powerful. I'd love to see him do his verbal dance out of that argument.

Badonkadonkette June 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Geez, Mittens. It's just a little government assistance. Don't get your magic panties in a bunch.

owhatever June 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Ask not what your government can do for you. We ain't gonna do nothin, you loser. We got ours, so fuck you. Joseph Smith bless America.

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

It's immoral to help people? Look at me I'm moral! (Baconz sais as I's kickin' a homeless VET)

loulouroo June 21, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Geez! And we thought Bush and "Brownie" were d-bags. Let's pray there's not a hurricane under Tea bagger watch.
Do the rethug bible thumpers in tornado alley agree with this stance?

RedneckMuslin June 21, 2011 at 1:47 pm

He's right! How many tornadoes, earthquakes, or Hurricanes have hit Utah? That's right muthafuckers, he's smiting you non-believers!

BarryOPotter June 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

A tornado, an earthquake and a hurricane were on their way to Utah, but then thought better of it: "Yo, brahs, why are we doing this? The hell are we going to damage? A temple? Man, seriously, this is not worth the bother, plus the wife would be pissed if it ruined our family ski vacation. Let's go back and mess with the loud-mouth hypocrites…"

horsedreamer_1 June 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm
chidem June 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

This should be reposted once a week (so far we're on track).

iburl June 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Instead of tossing glitter on these fools, somebody needs to make a giant hairy ball sack and teabag the hell out of these guys.

"Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me." – Karl Marx

EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm

The Great White Salamander (no, not a Newt) told the Mormons to leave Indiana, due to intolerance and the weather and being intolerant of the weather.

"GO WEST, YOUNG BLAND!" said the Great White Salamander.

MissTaken June 21, 2011 at 1:52 pm

He argued it is “simply immoral” for there to be deficit spending that could harm future generations

See, Mitt's just thinking of the children. Well, he's thinking of those children who haven't been born yet. Children who have been born can get swept up in a tornado and impaled on a fence for all he cares. Because that's simply moral.

BarackMyWorld June 21, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I'm now convinced this election season is just a massive conspiracy to make George W. Bush appear more statesman-like.

EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Gotta love Mormons: They homesteaded next to a lake they can't drink, which is full of flies they can't unzip.

4tehlulz_lite June 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Mitt Romney is the most-immoral Republican today.

"On Thursday, May 25th, the Romney Administration announced that federal aid would become available to Massachusetts individuals and businesses hardest hit by the most recent flooding events."
http://www.andoverps.net/police/NOT%20USEDemergen

More fun can be had at http://illinoisans-4-mitt-romney.blogspot.com/200

PubOption June 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm

A week is a long time in politics. Nobody needs to check into five-years-old prehistory.

gvvt June 26, 2011 at 10:15 pm

HIS FIRST NAME IS WILLARD

bumfug June 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm

So the republicans are one-upping each other using the Crocodile Dundee model – "That's not a dickhead, THIS is a dickhead!"

genxr June 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm

"The cake was damaged in the flood and we're not buying you a new one!"

FidoMcCokefiend June 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Race to the bottom has never been a more apt term than the 2012 Republican nominees/potential nominees.

WABishop June 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Helping the victims rebuild is only enabling their desire to build homes in the paths of future tornadoes. That's just plain irresponsible!

fartknocker June 21, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Really? Mitt, I'll remind you that just last month in your home state that the local firefighters requested and received FEMA approval for Massachusetts Task Force 1, which is funded by FEMA to perform search and rescue operations because of the tornadoes your state experienced.

Fucking hypocritical shit stain.

Signed,
Former Texas Task Force 2 command officer

iburl June 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Helping Americans struck by a natural disaster = Immoral

Helping Iraqis, Afghanis, Pakistanis, Yemen-folk and Lybians (primarily by bombing the shit out of them) = Highly Moral

Mapmonger June 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Man oh man. I'd like to see a conga line of tornado victims get to take turns kicking mittens in the penis, over and over again, until 2013. That's fair.

genxr June 21, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Afterwords, you can ask him if he would like a federally-funded ice pack.

hooray4anything June 21, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I would say that it's another sign that Mitt is selling his soul as fast as he can but considering he made his millions running a company that told companies to lay off all their employees just to appease all the stockholders– of which Mitt was one– I'm not sure he ever had one.

sportshort June 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

"…and then he turned to a tornado victim who was bound and gagged and tied to a stake and whispered to them, "Think of me in hell, bitch." as he lit the fuel beneath their feet. The crowd roared its approval and Satan smiled."

-30-

johnnymeatworth June 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

This is all because he lost that part in Twister to Bill Paxton….

Tommmcattt June 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Mitt Romney has wrists like a chimpanzee.

5thstate June 21, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Oh you ADD-afflicted clods! Don't you remember? All large scale disasters on US soil are 'cos of the gay! The MidWest is totes Gay but Mitt doesn't want to say so because so many teabaggers hate him that he needs the gay voting bloc.

Of course he should just man-up and blame Mexican "The Beacons of Gondor Are Lit!!" LOTR re-enactors, like John McCain did because you know, how important are clean hotel rooms and fresh-picked fruit and veg anyway? .

imissopus June 21, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Do You Know What The Queers Are Doing To Our Soil?

prommie June 21, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Mormon Lebensraum.

orygoon June 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Why does it seem like the Republicans are The Party Of Bad Things Only Happening To Other People? And more to the point, how do they get AWAY with it?

ganmerlad June 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Because the ones who pay attention aren't the ones who would vote for them in the first place.

franco_pinyon June 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm

As the ego gets bigger, the room for good sense disappears. It's a law of physics.

glamourdammerung June 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

So that "liberalism is a mental illness" crap is yet more projection it seems.

whiterabid June 21, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Only a godless government would attempt to defy god's will, you bunch of commies.

SaintRond June 21, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Charles Taylor of Sierra Leone had a campaign slogan that became popular over the radio – "You killed my ma, you killed my pa, but I'll vote for you…"

These fucking people don't care if Mittens supports drowning them like the rats they are, as long as a white man can reclaim the White House.

mumbly_joe June 21, 2011 at 2:35 pm

You know what else could harm future generations?? FORCING THEM TO GROW UP IN RUBBLE BECAUSE YOU'VE DESIGNATED ANYPLACE HIT BY DISASTER TO FOREVER BE A PERMASLUM you fucking tool.

A former roommate of mine who was a history major, and also a friend's wife who is a history enthusaist, both often ask a provocative question about how dark ages could actually happen, how could people forget to use the tools and inventions lying right next to them that everyone knew how to use a generation ago. Honestly, I think, in bullshit like this, we have the answer: ideology. Ideology makes it effortless to forget science, innovations, even basic human desency, and once you've started that process, it's even easier to heap even more ignorance on top of that willful ignorance.

Steverino247 June 21, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Some religious jerk told them the tools were "evil" and away we went.

FlipOffResearch June 21, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Jeez, the Republicans are assholing themselves into a corner.

He's probably just trying to undo the greatest sin in the eyes of the GOP – trying to help those less fortunate than himself. You know, Romneycare.

Beetagger June 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Maybe Romney will be martyred like his old pal Joe Smith. That'd be hilarious.

Ducksworthy June 21, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Welcome to the Libertarian Paradise of Somalia!
http://youtu.be/saWCZVggQAs

ingloriousbytch June 21, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Excuse me while I go buy tickets to "Book of Morman" as just another fuck you to Mitt and his messed up cult.

Redhead June 21, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Well… well your face is immoral. So there.

Limeylizzie June 21, 2011 at 2:53 pm

He probably thinks he can just dig people out of the rubble with those freakishly huge man-paws.

glamourdammerung June 21, 2011 at 3:03 pm

It makes sense, since the conservative movement was replaced by a mentally handicapped version of 4chan.

Steverino247 June 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

As I said previously, somebody tie that asshole to the top of his car and send him home. Or off a toll-bridge.

VaWyo June 21, 2011 at 3:09 pm

This seems especially crew since Mormon Jesus is from the heartland. Don't they believe Jerusalem is in Missouri, or something like that?

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 1:14 am

Yep, after Mormonism's first roll-out wasn't so successful in New York, they chose a convenient place to start it back up, and when that wasn't hospitable, they found another home out West that they could control, indefinitely. Or, so they thought.

BTWBFDIMHO June 21, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Did you see that any time Romney opens his mouth, Bachmann gets closer to the nomination?

SudsMcKenzie June 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Do you ever feel like the World is a Nice Suite, and your just a dog on the roof of a car.

mrblifil June 21, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Right about now, folks are giving La Donald a good long second look…

BTWBFDIMHO June 21, 2011 at 3:37 pm

F.E.M.A.: Fuck Every Mormon Available.

ThundercatHo June 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Morman Jesus is fucking harsh.

crybabyboehner June 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

May Mormon Crickets eat his grandchild.

notreelyhelping June 21, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Uh-huh. By the end of the day, someone will pull him aside and remind him exactly WHERE Iowa is located–like how far it is from Missouri–and he'll be out there saying that what he meant to say is the federal government under his stewardship will ALWAYS be ready to help Iowan voters in need. Because, after all, he's an unemployed farmer too. (Hair farmer, that is.)

donner_froh June 21, 2011 at 4:24 pm

If the Democrats in the Midwest and South have anything on the ball (some do) they will be stockpiling quotes and sound bites such as the one Fuckface Romney made in order to hang it around his neck next October.

Callyson June 21, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Just let those stupid Midwestern people die already!
Considering that the Midwest has a lot of swing states, I think he should repeat this policy platform on a regular basis. Brilliant fuckin' move, Mittens…

SilverTsunami June 21, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Sorry, but if the Latter Day Saints' deity cared about people in the midwest, he wouldn't have moved to Utah.

HolyCow!! June 21, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Well, these storms have mostly hit red states so he has a point.

onemoretime79 June 21, 2011 at 4:55 pm

He added "Every time you have an occasion to take something from the federal government and send it back to the states, that’s the right direction. And if you can go even further and send it back to the private sector, that’s even better."

Here, Mr. Romney is advocating for taking money from the feds and giving it to private entities. I wonder, who decides which private enterprises gain?

Also. what could have given him this crazy idea? (cue SNL and the Church Lady skit)

user-of-owls June 21, 2011 at 5:00 pm

So few words, so much win.

user-of-owls June 21, 2011 at 5:05 pm

This is what the great LORD says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me. If you refuse to let them go, I will plague your whole country with frogs. The Nile will teem with frogs. They will come up into your palace and your bedroom and onto your bed, into the houses of your officials and on your people, and into your ovens and kneading troughs. The frogs will go up on you and your people and all your officials.

Exodus 8:1–4

Now that's what I'm talking about. Fuck those pussy tornados…bring on the motherfucking frogs, man!

onemoretime79 June 21, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Frogs. People eat their legs, I'm told. Probably not if they came down like tornadoes, tho. So ~

don't make me defend the notion that tornadoes are pussies.
'cause that would suck.

Jukesgrrl June 21, 2011 at 5:16 pm

If Missouri was Eden, what does that make Texas?

ChessieNefercat June 21, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I don't think that I can take it, 'cause it took so long to bake it.

Preferred Customer June 21, 2011 at 5:39 pm

He understands, because he is unemployed. If you are unemployed, you just live off the giant stacks of cash you have in your basement. What's the problem?

BTWBFDIMHO June 21, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Is David Mamet running Romney's campaign?

ttommyunger June 21, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Every once in a while the truth slips out in spite of his best efforts and political instincts. What a fucking moron, can't even deceive consistently. Watch a master, take notes Mitt; watch the Newtster.

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Coming soon, I'm sure.

lumpenprole June 21, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Pressure's really on those missionaries now.

BTWBFDIMHO June 21, 2011 at 10:48 pm

He's basically rewording that quote from Reagan:
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1963360/

Guppy06 June 22, 2011 at 12:36 am

"He argued it is “simply immoral” for there to be deficit spending that could harm future generations"

Finally, a Republican taking a rational stance on climate change.

Wait, what?

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 12:47 am

You got your government in my peanut butter. No! You got your peanut butter in my government!

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 1:07 am

5. See numbers 4 & 1.

Negropolis June 22, 2011 at 5:02 am

Hell, he'll change positions more often than the wind through the urban canyons of the Chicago Loop, or more times than a whore aiming to please. I'm waiting for Mitt to turn into a sassy black lady hollering "Where my sistahs at?"

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Man, what was I drinking yesterday, that I didn't even SEE this story? Jezus, Mitt, you feckin' bastid. This is what comes of valuing the lives of fetii over their mothers. Eventually, you don't have to do shit for the actual living human beings because you're too busy protecting their potential fetus' interests. Which clearly outweigh the interests of the actual, BORN people around, yaknow. Fuck me.

PostApocalypse June 23, 2011 at 11:08 am

And who invented kicking the debt spiral into high gear for political gain? Ronald fucking Reagan, that's who.

Jukesgrrl June 23, 2011 at 2:17 am

I missed that one. Too busy looking for Cadillac Ranch, I guess. Cheers.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: