SEX BOMB SEX BOMB  10:50 am June 21, 2011

Sexy Shirtless Ron Paul Photos Ignite America’s Hearts

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

who needs interstate highways when there's shirtless ron paulConsider yourself aroused, America: libertarian heartthrob Ron Paul has sent out a special present of topless photos for all of you, on his Facebook page. FINALLY the primary season is starting to get HOTTT, so all of you, stop what you are doing right now and ogle Ron Paul. He is as buff and shirtless as presidential material gets, which means ANTE UP everyone else in the GOP field (except you, Newt).

We hope this becomes the new standard for presidential campaign photos. Business suits: they are so 2004.

Also, Ron Paul is star tabloid material. He should not be giving away these photos free of charge. DUH, campaign funds!!!!! [Facebook; Thanks to Wonkette operative "Steve N."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 121 comments }

Barb June 21, 2011 at 10:52 am

On the right: Mantastic!
On the left: Manthrax!

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 11:33 am

The House recognizes the gentleman from Beefcake Studly-ness.

Barb June 21, 2011 at 11:42 am

Remember, that Jersey Shore guys calls his abs "the situation" Barack calls his "the administration"

freakishlywrong June 21, 2011 at 10:53 am

NEEDS MOAR BLIMP.

CapeClod June 21, 2011 at 11:46 am

AND SWEET LIBERTY!

LionHeartSoyDog June 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Needs Moor blimp. Heh, heh.

*(Moops!)*

smitallica June 21, 2011 at 10:53 am

That Ron Paul photo gets me all (Ayn) Randy!

Mumbletypeg June 21, 2011 at 10:54 am

Who was it earlier commented, "Kirsten plz never use the words 'Ron Paul' and 'swingin' in the same sentence"?
Behold, in the above photo, your answer.

HistoriCat June 21, 2011 at 11:10 am

I think that was my comment about Chuck Grassley and swinging … but at least we don't have photographic evidence. This is worse – far, far worse.

Mumbletypeg June 21, 2011 at 11:17 am

Yes, that was the comment I was thinking of.
It still feels like benig given the karmic finger, getting what you wished for against.

Edit: Your link got borked… Allow me. For the bloops.

DerrickWildcat June 21, 2011 at 10:54 am

Weiner Fever!

PsycWench June 21, 2011 at 10:54 am

Will this include Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann? Will they be wearing top-secret underwire bras?

Lascauxcaveman June 21, 2011 at 11:30 am

Well, they say Sarah has had some work done, so she might be able to go shirtless without shame, but how will Michele stack up?

SorosBot June 21, 2011 at 11:31 am

Ah! Now you've got those disgusting images in my mind, and they will not go away.

JustPixelz June 21, 2011 at 11:42 am

If it includes Newt, I will be blind from gouging out my own eyes. There is no bra type that can cover enough of him except the burqua.

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 7:56 pm

I'm sure it'd be like two pair of deflated balloons. :-(

PuckStopsHere June 21, 2011 at 10:55 am

Fucker ought to resign from Congress for putting disgusting pictures of body parts that need to be hidden from view on the internet.

KeepFnThatChicken June 21, 2011 at 10:55 am

Ron Pool.

gurukalehuru June 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Totally involuntary lol

Come here a minute June 21, 2011 at 10:56 am

Good thing he didn't tweet it, or they'd be calling for his resignation.

elviouslyqueer June 21, 2011 at 10:57 am

Worst. Tales From the Crypt. Poster. EVER.

CapeClod June 21, 2011 at 10:57 am

It would be amusing if that shot was taken at a public swimming pool.

SayItWithWookies June 21, 2011 at 11:46 am

Would you settle for Rand Paul riding the DC Metro? Right after he voted against funding it, of course.

MildMidwesterner June 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

I can only assume he lost his shirt in the free market.

freakishlywrong June 21, 2011 at 11:00 am

I think I see the invisible hand pushing that baby on the raft. That, or it's his claw.

Negropolis June 21, 2011 at 10:58 pm

It's also the place in which he lost his marbles.

fuflans June 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

again with the babies. always with ron paul and the babies.

it's unseemly.

carlgt1 June 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

can someone please photoshop Ayn Rand in the pool with him (preferably face down)

PS – if anyone wants a good laugh on the nadir of America (at the teabagger illiteracy level) – check out Roger Ebert's facebook page and all the illiterate angry posts because Ebert "dared" make a tweet about drunk driving & Ryan Dunn's death.

fuflans June 21, 2011 at 11:17 am

i saw some of that last night when i too was drunk but only driving on the internets.

i actually don't know who that ryan guy is though.

carlgt1 June 21, 2011 at 12:52 pm

oh jeez, facebook actually took down ROGER EBERT's facebook page due to angry complaints from the oddly hypersensitive "Jackass" fans. All Ebert said was the mildly wonkettish "friends don't let jackasses drive drunk." And that unleashed the hordes of hell defending the honor & sanctity of a guy who shoved Matchbox cars up his ass for fame & fortune…

Tommmcattt June 21, 2011 at 3:41 pm

To be fair, it does take a certain genius to get paid for something like that.

carlgt1 June 21, 2011 at 6:30 pm

he seemed like a great guy to drink with — but not drive home with afterwards….

GOPCrusher June 21, 2011 at 2:03 pm

It's safe to say, he won't be on Jackass 4, and the world will probably be a better place for it.

SexySmurf June 21, 2011 at 10:59 am

Hey! Who Photoshopped a picture of Obama's head onto my body?

Nothingisamiss June 21, 2011 at 12:45 pm

You know what OTHER part of Obama's body I want on mine?

nounverb911 June 21, 2011 at 10:59 am

At least he isn't wearing a Speedo.

SorosBot June 21, 2011 at 11:00 am

Ron Paul's telling the baby not to worry, the family will make sure to raise her to be a total crackpot who's obsessed with gooooold and wants to repeal the Civil Rights Act but is totally not a racist.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 21, 2011 at 11:00 am

Throw another shrimp on the barbie…Jon Huntsman is getting in the 2012 Gooper Goat Rodeo.

Theme song: a Whiter Shade of Pale.
~

EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2011 at 11:00 am

"Whaley" Barbour released his beach picture today. He was breaching; you can see the little harpoon scars if you look closely. You are advised, however, to not look closely, as retinal scarring may occur.

OneDollarJuana June 21, 2011 at 11:07 am

Was he dripping a bit of BP oil?

freakishlywrong June 21, 2011 at 11:10 am

Nah, just a bit of food mousse.

genxr June 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Damn. How many mooses did he eat?

DaRooster June 21, 2011 at 11:00 am

Is that the pool that's for sale?

Beetagger June 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem.

PsycWench June 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

Ron Paul, I hate to tell you but your combover did not survive immersion.

GuyClinch June 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

…ANTE UP everyone else in the GOP field (except you, Newt).

Thank you, Kirsten, for that proviso. If pointless meatsack and dandruff-sufferer Newt Gingrich ever disrobes for a camera then I will need two glass eyes and a white-tipped cane.

Thurman Munster IV June 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

I think I can speak for everyone here on the Wonkette that no one wants to see wet dripping Santorum photos.

jqheywood June 21, 2011 at 11:27 am

So frothy…so frothy…

DaRooster June 21, 2011 at 11:02 am

Honestly… who has more fun than Ron Paul…
Sheesh, lighten up Grumpy, you're in a pool… and what's with the glasses?

horsedreamer_1 June 21, 2011 at 11:02 am

On the left photo, Michael Caine. On the right photo, Morris Chestnutt.

EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2011 at 11:04 am

Scene 2:

Ron says to the child: "I'm going to dump you into the water now, and you will either sink or swim. Don't expect me to bail you out, though, because if you sink, you just aren't trying hard enough. Only witches and good Americans float."

nounverb911 June 21, 2011 at 11:12 am

His granddaughter is Christine O'Donnell?

SudsMcKenzie June 21, 2011 at 11:04 am

That baby should be floating on gold bars.

MrFizzy June 21, 2011 at 11:05 am

Quick, get a net – it's one of those deep-sea creatures that washed up after the latest tsunami, genus Insanicus Paulerii, known for selective blindness and an incredibly annoying voice.

kissawookiee June 21, 2011 at 11:08 am

Guys generally go with a "need a wheelbarrow to haul my nuts around" metaphor, but if he wants to run with "need a raft to gently bob my moobs upon the waters," I say more power to you, sir. More power to you.

FlownOver June 21, 2011 at 11:09 am

(left): Where the prostitutes and heroin at?

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Holding the camera!

genxr June 21, 2011 at 11:09 am

"Hey, Bristol, why don't you get us a couple more wine coolers?"

ThundercatHo June 21, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Comment of the day.

GOPCrusher June 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I weep at the sheer awesomeness of this post.

orygoon June 21, 2011 at 11:10 am

a little rural hamlet near me is always plastered with Ronpaul posters. I want to print these large and attach.

Limeylizzie June 21, 2011 at 11:12 am

Barry is so gorgeous, that's all I have today.

Nothingisamiss June 21, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Limey, I had a feeling you'd beat me to it. Any excuse for that photo, I'm down with it.

(pun intended.)

zappadoo76 June 21, 2011 at 11:14 am

Beats this.

fuflans June 21, 2011 at 11:18 am

JESUS CHRIST MY EYES!!!!

jus_wonderin June 21, 2011 at 11:15 am

Is Ron Paul putting this pic out in hopes of support???

Steverino247 June 21, 2011 at 11:16 am

That's a big pool they're in. Look at the lines on the bottom for swimming events. Probably a country club, but it could be a public pool or a pool at a local school where meets take place.

If it was his pool, those lines would be gold.

Doktor Zoom June 21, 2011 at 11:17 am

Oh, dear…all across our great nation, libertarians are reaching for the wine coolers and dreaming of being gently caressed by Ron Paul's gnarled grampa hands

freakishlywrong June 21, 2011 at 11:30 am

And they will "do their hardest" to get him elected.

ttommyunger June 21, 2011 at 11:18 am

Seen here "pruning up" in preparation for the weekly visit to his favorite wrinkle-room. Sorry, some of the more sheltered Wonketeers won't get the reference.

Lascauxcaveman June 21, 2011 at 11:19 am

You like that, huh?

EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2011 at 11:21 am

Last time my brother "Bottabang" it was the vice squad saying the bang he bought was not for sale. Fo shizzul, and 60 days.

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 11:28 am

HAHAAHA! Look at the baby…..It want's to suckle. Poor lil' guy/gal, it's confused.

DashboardBuddha June 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

The wee bairn will find out, in true libertarian fashion, that life is a tough tit.

Noman June 21, 2011 at 2:30 pm

no no no!

The federal government will take care of everything – universal healthcare, universal transportation, universal groceries, universal housing, universal clothing, universal education, universal everything….

Just think how much more efficient the grocery industry would be if we didn't have multiple stores at every major intersection. And think of the money they waste on marketing! It's not fair that only rich people have beluga caviar.

Oh, and those private enterprise stores sell food that is bad for us.

Yes, once we Barrymart, we will all eat better and for less money!

DashboardBuddha June 21, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Is today douchebag day? It must be douchebag day 'cuz you're, you know, acting like a douchebag.

Oh, and

"Yes, once we Barrymart"

Barrymart is a verb? Lol.

Noman June 21, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Don't you agree that having individual private companies (run by wealthy executives) provide our food is just not right? Why should the rich get the best food? And why do we allow those execs to waste money on marketing and on unhealthy products.

Yep, when we have Barrymart, we can get rid of those evil capitalist grocery stores. Our food supply is too important to leave up to the free market.

Noman June 21, 2011 at 3:30 pm

"Is today douchebag day?"

Every day is douchebag day on Wonkdouchette.com

Redhead June 21, 2011 at 11:36 am

Just because he weighs 1/3 of your average teabagger does not make him hot.

DaRooster June 21, 2011 at 11:39 am

Man, that Obama is pretty tan for a US President… wait… he's a what?

freakishlywrong June 21, 2011 at 11:52 am

GONG! He's near!

dailyworldwatch June 21, 2011 at 11:55 am

Jon Huntsman just announced his run…where is the compulsory Liddy Huntsman post? Shirtless, if I may add?

mavenmaven June 21, 2011 at 11:55 am

Ross Douthat is fapping wildly! http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/20/opinion/20douth

Pithaughn June 21, 2011 at 11:57 am

Can a guy get man boobs without smoking a boat load of Ganje over the years? That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

JustPixelz June 21, 2011 at 11:58 am

He better keep an eye on that baby because we don't believe in government watchdogs (aka lifeguards) at the beach anymore. It's every infant for himself.

Jerri June 21, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Poor inflatable raft, suffering the indignity of being a floating shelf for an old man's boobies.

LiveToServeYa June 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Some men swim in the ocean while others never get out of the shallow end of the pool. In their minds. Or wherever.

Poindexter718 June 21, 2011 at 12:02 pm

In the subsequent shot, the lil' britarian is attempting to breastfeed off the Congressman, but even Ron Paul has a measure of social media decorum.

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 12:08 pm

THAT's your boy AYN! Oh by the way…..How much do you earn at Walmart? Betcha not as much as I do with my MBA from CMU.

T-Maw June 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm

The photos ignite my gastric reflux, is that okay?

meufchelou June 21, 2011 at 12:35 pm

He needs a bro.

Rosie_Scenario June 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Or is it a manziere?

meufchelou June 21, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I guess for marketing purposes you're right: http://kramerica.tv/

BTWBFDIMHO June 21, 2011 at 1:28 pm

You're comparing pineapples with lemons here.

notgross June 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Headline: Ron Paul spotted partially dressed with very young girl

glamourdammerung June 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I can not be the only one that looked for a swastika tattoo like "American History X" on Papa Doc. Then I remembered that tattoos are not mentioned in the Constitution.

DahBoner June 21, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Free Market Old Man boobs

starfanglednut June 21, 2011 at 3:02 pm

What does Megs McCain have to say about this?

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Listen….Why don't you talk to me when you've spent 22 years in industrial agribusiness. K? Cause right now…..Well your coming off as pretty dumb about the industry in which I've been employed for a long time. You sound like Bill-O with "why does Earth have one moon and Mars have none".

Noman June 21, 2011 at 11:43 pm

"Why don't you talk to me when you've spent 22 years in industrial agribusiness."

NOBODY TALK TO BACONZGOOD UNLESS YOU'VE SPENT 22 YEARS IN INDUSTRIAL AGRIBUSINESS, 'K, even when the subject is not agribusiness.

baconzgood June 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm

It is agribusiness. OH that's right grocery stores don't have food in them. It's like plant is to a pot. Moron. It is the subject. Grocery stores DON'T grow their own food do they? Farmers are given money to grow (and sometimes not to grow) food. That keeps prices from going up and down to much and keeps the market sound during late frosts. The farmers then SELL that to markets. Ever notice how pretty every grocery store has about the same prices? Hmmmmmm. ALMOST SEEMS ORGANIZED THAT WAY HUH? BECAUSE IT IS? You should know this because I'm guessing that your profession is putting peaches on the shelves.

Noman June 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm

You do understand the difference between production, distribution, and retailing, right?

It is unreasonable to assert that a professional in one area knows all the other areas equally well.

It is also unreasonable to assert that one link of a sophisticated supply chain completely controls all the other links.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 7:56 am

Yes and in a 10 billion dollar company there is cenergy where all aspects of the supply chain managment are considered. Your argument is: Ice has NOTHING to do with hockey. However, I never claimed that I "(kenw) all the other areas equally well". I do know more than about it than most do (you tend to pick up things here and there about lateral industries that directly affect yours). Why can't you right wingers ever say "yeah, since you do work in that field and I don't, you probally know more about it than I do"? If we were speaking of your profession and I was spewing misinformation I'd be glad to have someone correct me so I don't look dumb in the future.

baconzgood June 23, 2011 at 7:59 am

Oh and as for one link of a supply chain completely controling others……THAT IS THE CURRENT THEORY IN SUPPLY CHAIN MANAGEMENT REGARDING WHY THE JIT STRATEGY WON'T WORK. This is why major companies will never go JIT. This isn't my field but once again I "picked it up" around the water cooler. So now I am left with one of two opinions of you; A) you don't have the slightest idea what your talking about or B) incorrect vocabulary. Either way the Free Lesson Window is now closed. Listen It would work better for you if you stopped reading Any Rand and Glenn Beck (fiction) and started reading some non-fiction. Introduction to Supply Chain Management is a start (it's a text book but breaks it down well).

__kth__ June 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Politically I find Ron Paul tiresome, but I hope my guns look that sinewy when I'm 80 or whatever he is.

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 7:55 pm

I'm sure a naked Newt photo would not reveal his naughty bits, anyway.

Nopantsmcgee June 21, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Pics of Mittens in his Magic Mormon Speedo or gtfo.

Negropolis June 21, 2011 at 11:03 pm

That baby needs some floaties.

I hope this hasn't given Newt any ideas. **shudders**

Noman June 21, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Is that you Ken?

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Yeah that's right ADM doesn't need regulated. Listen idiot. The government already gives HUGE subsidies to agribusiness. Did you always have shit for brains or did you have to have a special procedure, and was that procedure an out patient thing? FARMING IS AND HAS BEEN GOVERNMENT SPONSORED FOR DECADES IN THIS COUNTRY and companies don't want to change that! I know this because I WORK FOR HEINZ!!!!

DashboardBuddha June 21, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Dude…if the next meteorite misses our planet by as wide a margin that you're missing the point, we might just survive.

DashboardBuddha June 21, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Your mom.

glamourdammerung June 21, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Every day is douchebag day on Wonkdouchette.com

And yet multiple bans on multiple accounts can not keep you from obsessing over the site for hours every day.

baconzgood June 21, 2011 at 3:50 pm

WIN!

Noman June 21, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Typical libunatic answer.

Noman June 21, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Ken is fortunate to have so many Snark Police patrolling his site, watching for infractions.

Snark Policeman must be one of the really successful, high-paying Green Jobs promised by Dear Leader.

Yep, he really turned that economy around!

Noman June 21, 2011 at 11:48 pm

First, it's not a meteorite unless it survives impact with the earth's surface. So the basis of your statement is an impossibility. By definition, no meteorite has EVER missed the earth.

Second, in interstellar terms, changing the path of a meteor or asteroid by only an incredibly small amount would, as the body passed through space, alter its course by a very large distance.

Even without the fundamental error you made concerning meteorites, your statement is meaningless – and totally unbecoming to an arrogant, elitist libunatic.

You're welcome.

Noman June 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

"Dude…if the next meteorite misses our planet by as wide a margin that you're missing the point, we might just survive."

Care to respond to my comments about your famous "meteorite" post?

DashboardBuddha June 22, 2011 at 9:37 am

Your dad

Noman June 22, 2011 at 10:07 am

Your meteorite!

Noman June 23, 2011 at 9:30 am

"Yes and in a 10 billion dollar company there is cenergy where all aspects of the supply chain managment are considered."

Cenergy?

Ask for your money back from the MBA program at CMU and from the English department at your undergrad school.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: