who needs interstate highways when there's shirtless ron paulConsider yourself aroused, America: libertarian heartthrob Ron Paul has sent out a special present of topless photos for all of you, on his Facebook page. FINALLY the primary season is starting to get HOTTT, so all of you, stop what you are doing right now and ogle Ron Paul. He is as buff and shirtless as presidential material gets, which means ANTE UP everyone else in the GOP field (except you, Newt).

We hope this becomes the new standard for presidential campaign photos. Business suits: they are so 2004.

Also, Ron Paul is star tabloid material. He should not be giving away these photos free of charge. DUH, campaign funds!!!!! [Facebook; Thanks to Wonkette operative “Steve N.”]

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  • Barb

    On the right: Mantastic!
    On the left: Manthrax!

    • baconzgood

      The House recognizes the gentleman from Beefcake Studly-ness.

      • Barb

        Remember, that Jersey Shore guys calls his abs "the situation" Barack calls his "the administration"

  • freakishlywrong


    • CapeClod


    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Needs Moor blimp. Heh, heh.


  • smitallica

    That Ron Paul photo gets me all (Ayn) Randy!

  • Mumbletypeg

    Who was it earlier commented, "Kirsten plz never use the words 'Ron Paul' and 'swingin' in the same sentence"?
    Behold, in the above photo, your answer.

  • Weiner Fever!

  • PsycWench

    Will this include Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann? Will they be wearing top-secret underwire bras?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Well, they say Sarah has had some work done, so she might be able to go shirtless without shame, but how will Michele stack up?

    • SorosBot

      Ah! Now you've got those disgusting images in my mind, and they will not go away.

    • If it includes Newt, I will be blind from gouging out my own eyes. There is no bra type that can cover enough of him except the burqua.

    • zhubajie

      I'm sure it'd be like two pair of deflated balloons. :-(

  • PuckStopsHere

    Fucker ought to resign from Congress for putting disgusting pictures of body parts that need to be hidden from view on the internet.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Ron Pool.

  • Come here a minute

    Good thing he didn't tweet it, or they'd be calling for his resignation.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Worst. Tales From the Crypt. Poster. EVER.

  • CapeClod

    It would be amusing if that shot was taken at a public swimming pool.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Would you settle for Rand Paul riding the DC Metro? Right after he voted against funding it, of course.

  • MildMidwesterner

    I can only assume he lost his shirt in the free market.

    • freakishlywrong

      I think I see the invisible hand pushing that baby on the raft. That, or it's his claw.

    • Negropolis

      It's also the place in which he lost his marbles.

  • fuflans

    again with the babies. always with ron paul and the babies.

    it's unseemly.

  • carlgt1

    can someone please photoshop Ayn Rand in the pool with him (preferably face down)

    PS – if anyone wants a good laugh on the nadir of America (at the teabagger illiteracy level) – check out Roger Ebert's facebook page and all the illiterate angry posts because Ebert "dared" make a tweet about drunk driving & Ryan Dunn's death.

    • fuflans

      i saw some of that last night when i too was drunk but only driving on the internets.

      i actually don't know who that ryan guy is though.

      • carlgt1

        oh jeez, facebook actually took down ROGER EBERT's facebook page due to angry complaints from the oddly hypersensitive "Jackass" fans. All Ebert said was the mildly wonkettish "friends don't let jackasses drive drunk." And that unleashed the hordes of hell defending the honor & sanctity of a guy who shoved Matchbox cars up his ass for fame & fortune…

        • Tommmcattt

          To be fair, it does take a certain genius to get paid for something like that.

          • carlgt1

            he seemed like a great guy to drink with — but not drive home with afterwards….

      • GOPCrusher

        It's safe to say, he won't be on Jackass 4, and the world will probably be a better place for it.

  • SexySmurf

    Hey! Who Photoshopped a picture of Obama's head onto my body?

    • Nothingisamiss

      You know what OTHER part of Obama's body I want on mine?

  • nounverb911

    At least he isn't wearing a Speedo.

  • SorosBot

    Ron Paul's telling the baby not to worry, the family will make sure to raise her to be a total crackpot who's obsessed with gooooold and wants to repeal the Civil Rights Act but is totally not a racist.

  • Throw another shrimp on the barbie…Jon Huntsman is getting in the 2012 Gooper Goat Rodeo.

    Theme song: a Whiter Shade of Pale.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "Whaley" Barbour released his beach picture today. He was breaching; you can see the little harpoon scars if you look closely. You are advised, however, to not look closely, as retinal scarring may occur.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Was he dripping a bit of BP oil?

      • freakishlywrong

        Nah, just a bit of food mousse.

        • genxr

          Damn. How many mooses did he eat?

  • DaRooster

    Is that the pool that's for sale?

  • Beetagger

    What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem.

  • PsycWench

    Ron Paul, I hate to tell you but your combover did not survive immersion.

  • …ANTE UP everyone else in the GOP field (except you, Newt).

    Thank you, Kirsten, for that proviso. If pointless meatsack and dandruff-sufferer Newt Gingrich ever disrobes for a camera then I will need two glass eyes and a white-tipped cane.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    I think I can speak for everyone here on the Wonkette that no one wants to see wet dripping Santorum photos.

    • jqheywood

      So frothy…so frothy…

  • DaRooster

    Honestly… who has more fun than Ron Paul…
    Sheesh, lighten up Grumpy, you're in a pool… and what's with the glasses?

  • horsedreamer_1

    On the left photo, Michael Caine. On the right photo, Morris Chestnutt.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Scene 2:

    Ron says to the child: "I'm going to dump you into the water now, and you will either sink or swim. Don't expect me to bail you out, though, because if you sink, you just aren't trying hard enough. Only witches and good Americans float."

    • nounverb911

      His granddaughter is Christine O'Donnell?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    That baby should be floating on gold bars.

  • MrFizzy

    Quick, get a net – it's one of those deep-sea creatures that washed up after the latest tsunami, genus Insanicus Paulerii, known for selective blindness and an incredibly annoying voice.

  • kissawookiee

    Guys generally go with a "need a wheelbarrow to haul my nuts around" metaphor, but if he wants to run with "need a raft to gently bob my moobs upon the waters," I say more power to you, sir. More power to you.

  • (left): Where the prostitutes and heroin at?

    • zhubajie

      Holding the camera!

  • genxr

    "Hey, Bristol, why don't you get us a couple more wine coolers?"

    • ThundercatHo

      Comment of the day.

    • GOPCrusher

      I weep at the sheer awesomeness of this post.

  • orygoon

    a little rural hamlet near me is always plastered with Ronpaul posters. I want to print these large and attach.

  • Limeylizzie

    Barry is so gorgeous, that's all I have today.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Limey, I had a feeling you'd beat me to it. Any excuse for that photo, I'm down with it.

      (pun intended.)

  • zappadoo76

    Beats this.

    • fuflans


  • jus_wonderin

    Is Ron Paul putting this pic out in hopes of support???

  • Steverino247

    That's a big pool they're in. Look at the lines on the bottom for swimming events. Probably a country club, but it could be a public pool or a pool at a local school where meets take place.

    If it was his pool, those lines would be gold.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Oh, dear…all across our great nation, libertarians are reaching for the wine coolers and dreaming of being gently caressed by Ron Paul's gnarled grampa hands

    • freakishlywrong

      And they will "do their hardest" to get him elected.

  • ttommyunger

    Seen here "pruning up" in preparation for the weekly visit to his favorite wrinkle-room. Sorry, some of the more sheltered Wonketeers won't get the reference.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    You like that, huh?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Last time my brother "Bottabang" it was the vice squad saying the bang he bought was not for sale. Fo shizzul, and 60 days.

  • baconzgood

    HAHAAHA! Look at the baby…..It want's to suckle. Poor lil' guy/gal, it's confused.

    • DashboardBuddha

      The wee bairn will find out, in true libertarian fashion, that life is a tough tit.

      • Noman

        no no no!

        The federal government will take care of everything – universal healthcare, universal transportation, universal groceries, universal housing, universal clothing, universal education, universal everything….

        Just think how much more efficient the grocery industry would be if we didn't have multiple stores at every major intersection. And think of the money they waste on marketing! It's not fair that only rich people have beluga caviar.

        Oh, and those private enterprise stores sell food that is bad for us.

        Yes, once we Barrymart, we will all eat better and for less money!

        • DashboardBuddha

          Is today douchebag day? It must be douchebag day 'cuz you're, you know, acting like a douchebag.

          Oh, and

          "Yes, once we Barrymart"

          Barrymart is a verb? Lol.

          • Noman

            Don't you agree that having individual private companies (run by wealthy executives) provide our food is just not right? Why should the rich get the best food? And why do we allow those execs to waste money on marketing and on unhealthy products.

            Yep, when we have Barrymart, we can get rid of those evil capitalist grocery stores. Our food supply is too important to leave up to the free market.

          • baconzgood

            Yeah that's right ADM doesn't need regulated. Listen idiot. The government already gives HUGE subsidies to agribusiness. Did you always have shit for brains or did you have to have a special procedure, and was that procedure an out patient thing? FARMING IS AND HAS BEEN GOVERNMENT SPONSORED FOR DECADES IN THIS COUNTRY and companies don't want to change that! I know this because I WORK FOR HEINZ!!!!

          • DashboardBuddha

            Dude…if the next meteorite misses our planet by as wide a margin that you're missing the point, we might just survive.

          • Noman

            First, it's not a meteorite unless it survives impact with the earth's surface. So the basis of your statement is an impossibility. By definition, no meteorite has EVER missed the earth.

            Second, in interstellar terms, changing the path of a meteor or asteroid by only an incredibly small amount would, as the body passed through space, alter its course by a very large distance.

            Even without the fundamental error you made concerning meteorites, your statement is meaningless – and totally unbecoming to an arrogant, elitist libunatic.

            You're welcome.

          • "Dude…if the next meteorite misses our planet by as wide a margin that you're missing the point, we might just survive."

            Care to respond to my comments about your famous "meteorite" post?

          • Noman

            "Is today douchebag day?"

            Every day is douchebag day on

          • DashboardBuddha

            Your mom.

          • baconzgood


          • Noman

            Typical libunatic answer.

          • DashboardBuddha

            Your dad

          • Your meteorite!

          • glamourdammerung

            Every day is douchebag day on

            And yet multiple bans on multiple accounts can not keep you from obsessing over the site for hours every day.

          • Noman

            Ken is fortunate to have so many Snark Police patrolling his site, watching for infractions.

            Snark Policeman must be one of the really successful, high-paying Green Jobs promised by Dear Leader.

            Yep, he really turned that economy around!

  • Redhead

    Just because he weighs 1/3 of your average teabagger does not make him hot.

  • DaRooster

    Man, that Obama is pretty tan for a US President… wait… he's a what?

    • freakishlywrong

      GONG! He's near!

  • Jon Huntsman just announced his run…where is the compulsory Liddy Huntsman post? Shirtless, if I may add?

  • mavenmaven

    Ross Douthat is fapping wildly!

  • Pithaughn

    Can a guy get man boobs without smoking a boat load of Ganje over the years? That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

  • He better keep an eye on that baby because we don't believe in government watchdogs (aka lifeguards) at the beach anymore. It's every infant for himself.

  • Jerri

    Poor inflatable raft, suffering the indignity of being a floating shelf for an old man's boobies.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Some men swim in the ocean while others never get out of the shallow end of the pool. In their minds. Or wherever.

  • Poindexter718

    In the subsequent shot, the lil' britarian is attempting to breastfeed off the Congressman, but even Ron Paul has a measure of social media decorum.

  • baconzgood

    THAT's your boy AYN! Oh by the way…..How much do you earn at Walmart? Betcha not as much as I do with my MBA from CMU.

  • The photos ignite my gastric reflux, is that okay?

  • meufchelou

    He needs a bro.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Or is it a manziere?


    You're comparing pineapples with lemons here.

  • notgross

    Headline: Ron Paul spotted partially dressed with very young girl

  • glamourdammerung

    I can not be the only one that looked for a swastika tattoo like "American History X" on Papa Doc. Then I remembered that tattoos are not mentioned in the Constitution.

  • DahBoner

    Free Market Old Man boobs

  • What does Megs McCain have to say about this?

  • baconzgood

    Listen….Why don't you talk to me when you've spent 22 years in industrial agribusiness. K? Cause right now…..Well your coming off as pretty dumb about the industry in which I've been employed for a long time. You sound like Bill-O with "why does Earth have one moon and Mars have none".

    • Noman

      "Why don't you talk to me when you've spent 22 years in industrial agribusiness."


      • baconzgood

        It is agribusiness. OH that's right grocery stores don't have food in them. It's like plant is to a pot. Moron. It is the subject. Grocery stores DON'T grow their own food do they? Farmers are given money to grow (and sometimes not to grow) food. That keeps prices from going up and down to much and keeps the market sound during late frosts. The farmers then SELL that to markets. Ever notice how pretty every grocery store has about the same prices? Hmmmmmm. ALMOST SEEMS ORGANIZED THAT WAY HUH? BECAUSE IT IS? You should know this because I'm guessing that your profession is putting peaches on the shelves.

        • You do understand the difference between production, distribution, and retailing, right?

          It is unreasonable to assert that a professional in one area knows all the other areas equally well.

          It is also unreasonable to assert that one link of a sophisticated supply chain completely controls all the other links.

          • baconzgood

            Yes and in a 10 billion dollar company there is cenergy where all aspects of the supply chain managment are considered. Your argument is: Ice has NOTHING to do with hockey. However, I never claimed that I "(kenw) all the other areas equally well". I do know more than about it than most do (you tend to pick up things here and there about lateral industries that directly affect yours). Why can't you right wingers ever say "yeah, since you do work in that field and I don't, you probally know more about it than I do"? If we were speaking of your profession and I was spewing misinformation I'd be glad to have someone correct me so I don't look dumb in the future.

          • "Yes and in a 10 billion dollar company there is cenergy where all aspects of the supply chain managment are considered."


            Ask for your money back from the MBA program at CMU and from the English department at your undergrad school.

          • baconzgood

            Oh and as for one link of a supply chain completely controling others……THAT IS THE CURRENT THEORY IN SUPPLY CHAIN MANAGEMENT REGARDING WHY THE JIT STRATEGY WON'T WORK. This is why major companies will never go JIT. This isn't my field but once again I "picked it up" around the water cooler. So now I am left with one of two opinions of you; A) you don't have the slightest idea what your talking about or B) incorrect vocabulary. Either way the Free Lesson Window is now closed. Listen It would work better for you if you stopped reading Any Rand and Glenn Beck (fiction) and started reading some non-fiction. Introduction to Supply Chain Management is a start (it's a text book but breaks it down well).

  • __kth__

    Politically I find Ron Paul tiresome, but I hope my guns look that sinewy when I'm 80 or whatever he is.

  • zhubajie

    I'm sure a naked Newt photo would not reveal his naughty bits, anyway.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Pics of Mittens in his Magic Mormon Speedo or gtfo.

  • Negropolis

    That baby needs some floaties.

    I hope this hasn't given Newt any ideas. **shudders**

  • Noman

    Is that you Ken?

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