Famous unemployed ex-pregnant person Bristol Palin released a “memoir” about something, we do not care what, except that she recounts how she lost her virginity to hillbilly idiot Levi Johnston while blacking out on wine coolers during a camping trip. This episode probably inspired the title of the book, called Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far. From now on, Bristol Palin is America’s new mascot of Courage. What else qualifies Bristol Palin for this title?
- Meghan McCain “ignored” Bristol when their families first met, and she complained. Bristol had to put up with this.
- Cindy McCain was a weird “queen” towards Bristol. (Haha, Cindy McCain is actually just a man in drag? We knew that.)
- Levi Johnston also got someone else pregnant, so Tripp has a sibling?
- Nobody wanted Bristol Palin to win on Dancing With the Stars, because everybody in Hollywood hates Sarah Palin.
And this is what makes you a Hero in America. [ABC News]
{ 413 comments }
I am overcome with inspiration. I must book this True American Heroin(e) immediately for my next executive retreat.
She can teach them all the positive brand value of bad publicity and shifting blame.
Also available at her website, Grifterette.com.
Grifterett. Those wingtards always forget the "e"..
Is that where the Wonkette girl went after the site redesign?
Wine coolers? Surprised she didn't name her kid Bartles Jaymes
Boones Manischewitz was a little too… er… ethnic.
That's why ya gotta cut that stuff with Christian Brothers. A Manishaygetz is much more acceptable, and less ethnic. Just ask our POTUS.
Mad Dog Palin has an appropriate ring to it.
Win!
"You were named for the first thing I saw on the morning of your birth. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"
I have a friend who named her child Remy. One day I asked the other moms what their child's name would be if he/she was named after what we were drunk on the night they were conceived. I did get some interesting answers… mine were Chandon and Blackthorn.
Maybe that's why there are so many Jacks, Jims and Johnnys out there.
But very few SoCos. Hey, now that's a great potential Palin name…
I stopped Googling "worst drink names" after finding this description of something called a "Cement Mixer":
A cement mixer…is a shot of Bailey's followed by a lime chaser. You don't swallow the shot until you suck the juice from the lime. The citric acid in the lime causes the Bailey's to curdle and turn into a clump of alcoholic cheese in your mouth. It's also a good way to guage the potential sluttiness of your female companions if they actually swallow the gooey mess, which lends some creedence to its other name, The Cum Shot.
tl:dr: Cement Mixer Palin
The fuck is wrong with people?
Also, I admire your restraint in not resorting to the other name mentioned at the end there when summarizing the paragraph.
Thanks, Doc. That was… something.
*What* it was, we'd better not say.
Is that you, Cosmo?
Boone's Farm Apple, or Ripple might have been right…
Lambrusco Ruinite Palin has a nice ring to it….
Or Trigg.
Maybe other substances were involved that night, hence the name Tripp…
Seriously, does anyone think that it was really wine coolers in a tent? It could have been a few hits of ecstasy in a vacant house where they jimmied the door open.
In which case, they would have named him Rollin Johnston.
Bartles and Jaymes? You show your age by referencing it, I show mine by knowing what you are talking about.
According to Wikipedia they still exist; but I don't think I've seen the ads since I was an early teen, waaaaay back in the late 80s / early 90s.
I wonder if they could see Russia from their front porch.
Depends on whether Levi was anywhere near the porch light.
Meet my 3 children: Trick, Trap, and Thunderbird.
Zima Johnston.
I realize Zima isn't a wine cooler, but it's just as horrific.
Seagram Golden Wine Palin.
Here is a youtube from the night of conception:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1daIIDQsXI
"Surprised she didn't name her kid Bartles Jaymes"
Given the level of "class" we're talking about here, I'm surprised she didn't name it Broken Rubber.
On wine coolers, no less. Very classy! Don't you have to drink like 200 of those things to even get a buzz?
Don't you have to drink like 200 of those things to even get a buzz?
You can't use WSDUs (Wonkette Standard Drinking Units) to gauge the alcohol intake of the general population. The amount of booze needed just to thin the blood in our alcohol systems to get most of us up in the morning, well, let's just say it's relatively considerably and leave it at that. Tongues might wag…
Kowtows and exits the room backwards.
Nods sagely as I throw the empty wine bottle on the kitchen counter away…
She tries to drink like a lady
One, or two at the most
Three, and she's under the table
Four, and she's under the host.
(With apologies to Dorothy Parker)
With applause to Dorothy Parker.
I think you would go into a diabetic coma before you passed out.
What can I, a 40-year-old man loser, learn from a knocked-up little girl who conspires with a crazy mama after dancing with a couple of dudes. I'm intreeged.
She lost her virginity on a camping trip? I'm sure she helped Levi to pitch both tents.
LJ to BP: "Relax, baby, your two tents!"
RrrEeeeAye, yai, yai, yai.
Gotta be careful of Tripping over the pup tent stakes.
Who in their right mind lets their teen daughter go off into the woods overnight with someone with a penis? That woman is an idiot.
It couldn't be helped — the Palins were painting the sex room that weekend.
<i"Who in their right mind…"</i>
How could Sarah Palin™ deny her daughter an opportunity to create a new life? Right to fuck is the handmaiden of right to life.
I bet Mama Grizz is just proud as punch that her daughter admitted to the world that she's a drunken slut.
Now, now, you misunderstood. Bristol is an innocent flower of straight A American underage wholesome virginal teetotalling womanhood who was ravished, ravished, I tell you, by Levi and his hot, throbbing young manhood of which she didn't know there was such a thing, even after, because she fell into a deep swoon after just one wine cooler, not ever having experienced the touch of alcohol to her lips, so despite frequent boinking, which they kept vowing never to do again until married, she never quite realized what it was about Levi that made her loins flutter and eventually, ta-da, a new little gift from God to exploit.
"How did this bump get on my tummy?"
And who the fuck goes camping in Alaska in March?
Now, that's a good question.
That's the part that intrigues me. You're the mother of a teenage female, who is literally a bundle of horMOANS. You're going to let her go camping with a studly little hot bundle of boyHORMONES??? Not without barbed wire lining her cunt and explosives strapped to both boobies. AND a fully-armed squad of TuffDoodz between their tents.
Just what we needed in these troubled times: An inspirational heroine to bring out the best this country has to offer.
~
"An inspirational heroine"
Ah, so the Velvet Underground song was about her.
What kind of person blacks out on wine coolers? God, that's a damn challenge right there. Some kind of date-rape drug must've been used.
You'd need to take a couple of Sherpas along to haul that many wine coolers on a camping trip. Or did they use a dog sled?
Snow machine!
I believe our straight A (bwahaha!), innocent, pure young virginal maiden (America's Sweetheart!) was implying that she had never touched alcohol or a boy before Levi "Snidely Whiplash" Johnston led her astray with his lusty redneck manhood.
So even a wine cooler just set her poor little ol' eyes to fluttering and before you know it, she was sound asleep and snoring with her legs splayed wide open and Levi just having his way with her.
Then they did it again and again and again, while promising not to do it again ever. Or some such self-serving pile of steaming, lying, self-deluding, contradictory bullshit (a chip off the old block!). (Or chippy.)
"she was sound asleep and snoring with her legs splayed wide open and Levi just having his way with her"
i.e., a typical Saturday night in Wasilla.
Here I was thinking that Levi's a cheap date.
Perhaps it was Jack Daniels and she really meant "whine cooler".
Well when you have naturally occurring doofies, rufies aren't necessary.
She's definitely explained what step 3 of the Underwear Gnomes plan is:
1. Mom is a failed beauty queen with ambitions above and beyond her intelligence and abilities
2. US America is full of idiots who, have no comprehension of knowledge beyond Walmart and corn syrup based products, will vote for her mom because she is a) hot (for a mid 40s Red State woman who can proudly see her feet in the last 10 years) b) white c) dirty dances on a cross while wearing US America flag
3. (Used to be ????) Was a stupid teenager, not well educated but shot out of a famous baby cannon (step1). Takes advantage of it and "writes" an "autobiography"
4. As we all know… Profit (thanks to step 2.)
That's quite an accomplishment and a life worthy an autobiography.
Really. Suck it, Henry Adams, Ben Franklin, Woody Guthrie, Frederick Douglass, Malcom X, Ulysses S Grant, Nelson Mandela, and that colored man in the White House (Dreams of my Father, indeed…)
Cue the founding fathers rolling in their graves, stopping only to slit their throats at what a waste it all turned out to be.
Probably Franklin would've done her!
And would have written an awesome reminiscence of the experience, probably involving "rogering" and "whores" and skirts flung over heads.
Ben Franklin – the real Father of our Country – or at least half of it.
She has now officially written more books than she has read.
That's true, but not true if you count as a "book" the instructions for dollar-store pregnancy-test sticks. In that case, she's read quite a lot, I'd say.
You may be giving her too much credit. I'm pretty sure they come with little pictures and diagrams.
"Not Afraid to Grift."
Not afraid to ovulate.
Blackout? What a convenient way to blame the wine. I bet she enjoyed every minute of it, drunk but wide awake.
Well, it's not like she had all that much of a basis for comparison, at least not at the time.
Something tells me that ol' boy's not much of a one for foreplay.
Dick goes in, dick comes out. Never a miscommunication.
She had sex passed out drunk on wine coolers in a tent with no memory of it? Sounds like my regular Saturday night.
"Levi Johnston also got someone else pregnant, so Tripp has a sibling?"
Trig?
He's father of his city!
Tripp, Track, Trig, Tup — who can remember?
Not Afraid of The Cock: What Mom Never Told Me About Birds and Bees (and Condoms and Pills)
That could fill at least one book.
Nobody wanted Bristol Palin to win on Dancing With the Stars, because everybody in Hollywood hates Sarah Palin.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE'RE SO OPPRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS OUR 14TH AMENDMENT??????????????????
i'm sorry but you correctly placed that apostrophe.
Tattooed on my ass, motherfuckers, come get it. (You know I'm just gonna shit on their heads when they start to readin'.)
She says that she "confronted" Levi the next day. This implied date rape and she is very irresponsible to memorialize this in a book. Look, there is a 50-50 chance their kid may learn to read one day and that would suck to have to read about his parents "bumping uglies" and the fact that his mom is a lush and his dad has that "a stiff dick has no conscience" attitude. Poor kid is going to need tons of therapy.
I'm thinking there's more than a 50-50 chance that Levi's lawyer might learn about such an accusation.
The truth is an absolute defense against libel. Save for the fact that a Palin is congenitally unable to distinguish the truth, then, I think Bristol's on solid legal ground with her allegation.
"Poor kid is going to need tons of METH." /fixed
The kid will get no more therapy than Bristol did, and will turn out to be an equally valuable member of society.
The question also remains, that if Trip's birth was proof that Trig wasn't Bristol's who the hell goes camping in Alaska IN APRIL?
I think you mean the fact that his mom is a lush who will invent a story that his dad raped her almost three years after he was born so that she can claim she is still a virgin at heart.
Still A Virgin At Heart
Good job Soros, you just gave Bristol the title to her next book!
Didn't Christine O'Donnell re-virgin herself after being the high school skank whore?
Commenting while on line from Harv's Harley leads to distracted posting. However, the Harley is riding well. And McDonnell is a bad memory for me.
"Look, there is a 50-50 chance their kid may learn to read one day"
I lol'd.
What was there to "confront' Levi about if she was passed out at the time of The Dirty Deed?
However, if that is a true story, Levi is an even bigger slimeball than we all thought. Why would she have become "engaged" with him after this wonderful campfire engagement?
It's their kid. What are the chances it will ever learn to read? Also, wut therapy? AK rednecks don't do therapy, they just shoots up sump'n instead.
And it looks like Bristol got a face lift to go with it, by the hair of her Jay Leno chinny, chin, chin.
In my imagination I picture this as a black-hood abduction. Shock troops, sacks over the head, thrown into a van…
… on their heads… which explains a lot.
Her next journey: the remainder bin — .50 Ameros.
It sez there are two US Americas. One who will design (not build) amazing technology for the improvement of mankind. The other who believes that owning (not reading) two books related to Sarah Palin makes them edumakated and intelligenz.
I think Palin was relating her time doing karaoke & performing Gretchen Wilson's "Redneck Woman", but the rest of us thought she was talking about accepting Mc Cain's VP offer.
Word salad — how does it work?
Well to be fair, Bristol spreads too… but in a different kind of way.
She is fecund.
She's also fecund-rate.
But she's not spread too thin, now is she?
Yes, Meghan McCain "ignored" you. Your family was an embarrassment. You were a knocked up teen with a mouth-breather, fake husband-to-be. Jesus, your family had to be taken out and dressed. People had to buy your father underwear! How white trash is that? Your mom had to be polished before she could be presented to the public. Then she went out and made a complete chimp of herself.
I bet Meghan took one look at that menagerie and thought:
"We're boned."
CapeClod, do you get the feeling that Meghan isn't going to take this sitting down? She doesn't strike me as the kind of young woman who lets people talk smack about her and her mom. I can't wait to hear her rebuttal and for the male Wonkette members sake, I hope she has boobie pics to go with it.
Oh, I definately think we will hear from Megs on this, and if Bristol has any sense, (obviously she doesn't) she will shut up and let it go.
BOOK LIBEL!
"… if Bristol has any sense, (obviously she doesn't) she will shut up and let it go."
Oh, that's a good one! A Palin letting something go! Bwahahah!
I'm impressed if you could type that with a straight face, as if we were talking about a normal human being.
I would much rather see Meghan that hear her.
No rebuttal needed. Megs will just say, "Yeah, so?"
"for the male Wonkette members sake, I hope she has boobie pics to go with it"
Thanks for looking out for us Barb.
I read the article on another site and my first thought was "Oh hell no, the Wonketteers will not take this insult to our Meghan of the Perpetual Motion lying down".
To arms!!!!!!
So with McCain as Lear, who is Cordelia? Who is Reagan? We already know who Gonorrhea is.
A win, a very palpable WIN.
"Jesus, your family had to be taken out and dressed." Barb, that's gold right there. I salute you.
You are so awesome.
"Jesus, your family had to be taken out and dressed. People had to buy your father underwear!"
"I bet they had to throw him on his back to get shoes on him."
[it's official; I'm channeling Dorothy Parker today for some reason]
Get Mons Meg to write up her version of things, including perhaps an erotic encounter with Levi!
an erotic encounter with Levi? Jeeze, I would hope at least one of these young women would keep her story somewhere in the realm of reality.
Or maybe with Bristle. Or a threesome. As long as we're fantasizing grotesquely here.
Well now Brisdull puts all the blame on Levi for a date rape. Next thing you know she will want him prosecuted. Well maybe not, it is difficult to get child support from a guy in prison.
Levi better himself a lawyer–again. Date rape is exactly what she is suggesting. There's nothing like the smell of libel in the morning.
Bristol used to ghost write for some Shakespeare guy. I seen it. I seen it with my eyes!
I hear she's working on a follow up: "Not Afraid of the Scalpel: My plastic surgeries so far".
"Not Afraid of the Ob-Gyn: My Pregnancies so Far."
This news has encouraged my cat, Max, to write an Autobiography!
He's working on the following concept:
"Not Afraid of Dogs: My Nine Lives So Far"
Some Chapters: "Why do other cats eat my vomit?", "Litterbox Tails and Trails", "The Day I Wrecked the House to Catch a Bug", "Humans, so fucking stupid, but I would probably starve without them".
"Why Do Humans Get So Mad When You Bring Them Half-Dead Birds?"
Aw, sounds like my kitty!
"Hairballs: Always Deposit in Mom's Shoes"
If someone could duplicate the sound of a cat about to yak up a hairball and market it as an alarm clock, they'd make a zillion dollars.
Jezus, that sound can wake me from a bed-wetting sleep to screaming-at-the-top-of-the-lungs-while-running-around-with-paper-towels on high alert in 15 seconds flat.
Nothing about cheezburgers?
No. She Can Not Haz.
"Not Afraid of My LIfe, but I GIve Baby Dingo Eaters The Willies"
Your best sellers — and every marketing class ever — tell you 100% of the time to never include a negative in the title / product name / item you're shilling.
But based on everything else I've ever read from Bristol, it's a surprise she didn't include "I", "me" or "my" in the title. Twice.
deit: GOD DAMMIT, SHE PUT "MY" IN THE SUBTITLE.
Also, too.
"America's new mascot of Courage"? Does she get a big, furry, colorful costume like Slider? Will she pass out free t-shirts that say, "Snowbilly Grifter 2011 Tour?
BTW, what's REALLY so damn stupid about a Bristol Palin biography is that PEOPLE WILL BUY IT!
They'll give it to their kids for graduation or confirmation or something.
And praise her for being brave and writing it.
Damn you Reagan, for turning loose the criminally insane!
Nothing is ever any of the Palins' fault. It's the lame stream media & their gotcha questions (What do you read?), liberal eelites or un-'real' Americans. These people are the 2nd coming to the rednecks and just gross losers to the rest of us.
Notice the jab at birth control also, implying that the pill doesn't work.
Would've been nice to have one of those rape-kits that mom purged from the city health dept., though.
Now, I'm imagining Bristol as Chazz in Wedding Crashers: she's sitting opposite John Beckwith (in this case, portrayed by Megz) & going on about how awesome it is with Levi, punctuating her monologue at various points with "Ma, the rape-kit!".
The pro "Life" title is equally subtle.
I'm not clear on what readers are expected to learn from her "journey so far," other than "It's much easier to be an idiot, if you have money."
Someone should have told her it wasn't a suppository.
With that said, you remind me how happy I am that my daughter has been dating the same man for a year. Happy Anniversary, Little Chicken!
You have to admit, though – that gorilla routine was right out of Isadora Duncan.
Ah. With hints of Martha Graham's technique, perhaps?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbgv8PkO9eo
sister had a coconut, she bought it for a dime…
So Bristol wants us to believe:
1) She was on birth control pills for menstrual cramps, not because she was sexually active.
2) She was raped. She didn't actually intend to have teenage sex with the man she eventually became engaged to.
3) Insurance paid for her cosmetic surgery because it was needed to address an underlying medical condition.
OK, so she lies as "well" and frequently as her mother. That much is clear.
This has been the longest fifteen minutes in my god-dammed life.
The Groundhog Day of quarter hours. Eternally repetitive.
I completely read the title of that article backwards and thought this was going to be about Bristol Palin explaining how to get drunk while pregnant. I guess she's not ready to let go of Alaska's biggest secret yet.
Read backwards it reads; "The Walrus is dead."
"Bristol Palin explaining how to get drunk while pregnant"
I thought pregnant women weren't supposed to drink.
Doesn't drinking during pregnancy make the baby come out…
Oh, right.
How many sentences in her book are not just outright lies, anyway? I'm guessing none.
"Everything she says is a lie, including 'and' and 'the."' – Mary McCarthy on Lillian Hellman.
You know that Hellman won that libel litigation.
(Apparently not easy to show that 'and' and 'the' are lies.)
Remember, she didn't actually write any complete sentences herself. Just sat talking in short, emo bursts that her new chin implant could handle, about how Levi took advantage…..so many, many sweet, wondrous times…
Not Afraid of Life: Mein Kampf So Far
(sorry…didn't mean to go Godwin so early, but sometimes the jokes [good and bad] write themselves.)
That was horribly delicious.
Shouldn't it be "Mein Kampfing Trip, So Far"?
And the next title in the series will be "Cocks as I Have Found Them" or "Open Up and Say Ahhhhh"
I like the image of Bristol chugging from a canteen some fruity winecooler — the 'gateway beverage' to more adult consumptions — but it underscores the tool she's become since that earlier time, from which her shrew-mother was all too happy to become the gateway for hereditary self-exploitation.
Also it's been noted Chelsea initially got the cold shoulder from her blonder, blue-blooded counterparts the Gore daughters. Yet she's emerged by and large a woman who could put those slights behind her and proved she knew how to use the smarts she inherited. So if Megs's giving you the high hat doesn't kill you, Bristo, it's supposed to make you stronger i.e. transcend media scrutiny, not become its whore.
Here's something: Sarah Palin was just turned four when Bradley Nowell was born.
&, today, even dead for fifteen years, he's still more qualified to be President than Sarah.
Bet she makes more money on this book than all the memoirs written by SNCC activists put together. America!
Obviously gearing up for the presidential run. Obama had "Dreams From My Father," she has "Stuntin' Like My Mommy."
Hey English/creative writing majors!
Ur doing it wrong.
Oh, I dunno. I could easily use the book as an example to my English Comp students of how quickly books go to the remainder bin.
Oh fuck. You mean laboring endlessly over every word doesn't count?
I hadn't been thinking about that, and now I am. And now I will light myself on fire.
Reading through the article, it doesn't take long to get to proof that she's a total idiot:
"Palin writes that she was shocked when the senator's wife offered to be a godmother to her unborn baby: "I had just met her and I wondered why she wanted any type of guardianship over my child." "
Um, she didn't want any type of guardianship. A godmother is a completely meaningless ceremonial religious position, one that everyone forgets about once the baptism is over. She was going for a little cross-family PR. Seriously, what the fuck does asking to be named godmother have to do with a kids' guardianship?
Exactly Soros! Having her as a Godmother would have provided an occasional gift for birthdays and other important milestones, such as graduation. Yeah, like that graduation would have ever happened.
Sarah wrote in one of her books that she had to take her girls out of one school because of the threat of "gang rape" The Principal has no idea to this day what this is about. Bristol implies date rape in this book. There is a common theme in this family that everyone is trying to rape them, attack and/or take control of their children (sending them to "death panels") and people are trying to keep them from speaking freely. Always the victim in this family.
Hell, remember how Sarah actually managed to claim she was the victim in the Giffords shooting. Ugh; this family is pathological; media, please stop feeding their constant cravings for attention.
Also, Levi probably has a good case for slander here.
Yes, the family obsession with rape/pedophilia and the casual attitude toward accusing others of such crimes and the verbal emasculation of any male that annoys them is getting downright creepy.
They keep accusing others while Sarah, as mayor and governor, did a lot of work to make sure actual rapists would have an easy time avoiding prosecution. Maybe it's easy to accuse others of rape when you believe it's no big deal and really the woman's fault?
Reminds me of an old Barney Miller episode where an octogenarian woman accused everyone of trying to rape her, except that show was funny, not creepy, like everything ever ghost-written for a Palin.
Probably all the teens screw all the other teens while their parents wonder how they learned about sex when no one ever told them. It goes on like this generation after generation….
Godparents take over the moral upbringing of the child in the case where the parents are incapacitated, so you can see how she feels the threat.
Well, to be fair, godparents, or padrinos are a role that's given much more significance in Latin-american cultures, and often includes the expectation of guardianship in the absensce of parents and since Juan McCain is obviously an illegal Panamanian, it stands to reason that Palin might infer that Mrs. McCain might have been offerring to live up to these duties, in between setting wildfires to distract people from McCain's immigration status.
I don't think Pentecostals have god-parents!
Only in America can you have someone ghost-write your autobiography at the age of 20 when you haven't actually done anything worth writing about. Being a hanger-on relative of a failed VP candidate is now an accomplishment. Yay America!
I blacked out drunk when I was 18, but I didn't get pregnant. Why? Because I have a penis – a lesson to all young teens. I have no idea what else happened apart from the standing ovation I received from my classmates when they next saw me..
Also I didn't drink wine coolers. That would have been sooo crass. I drank wine, and whiskey and Bacardi (a mistake) and…I forget.
Still, if I had by some fabulous miracle become pregnant, and if by some even more fabulous miracle my feminist Mum hadn't allowed me to terminate the pregnancy, I doubt the world, or even a tiny bit of the world, would give a flying fuck about me or whether I was snubbed by some rich blonde bitch with the big knockers.
I would be on the Sole Supporting Parents Pension because I'm Australian.
And if I was American I would be dealing Meth because that's what Paul Revere would have wanted.
That … that was beautiful.
Are you Lady Gaga?
Only on weekends.
Amazing. +++++++
*sniff*
/tears up
**slowly chanting** USA! USA! **pace quickening** USA! USA! **deafening roar** USA! USA! USA! USA!
'Tis true, 'tis true. Bacardi flowed that night of Revere's famous ride like the mighty Mississippi. It's why his bell ringin' and warnin' shot firin' was so enthusiastic.
Managing that fine line between drunken lust and projectile vomiting is not as easy as it may seem.
Bravo Bristol! You are truly someone your mother could be proud of.
Like when your "date" throws up all over your shoes and then, feeling somewhat better, decides it would be a good time to make out?
That is why you should always carry Tic Tacs.
Unless those come in Industrial Strength, more like a toothbruth and some Lysol gargle.
ACORN took care of the voting for them. It was 878-3 in favor.
Diebold took care of the voting for them.
fxd
I'm getting the feeling she may be W's secret spawn.
It was the best of times, It was the time I blacked out.
And fuck you, ABC, for uncritically giving this idiot's spin without question. They whole article is just propaganda for her; they even unironically include the line, "Now, though she's made hundreds of thousands of dollars lecturing to young adults about abstinence, she relishes her maternal instincts." What maternal instincts?
And Bristol, no one wanted you to win that stupid dancing show because you were a horrible dancer and only kept going because your mother's worshipers kept voting for you; and it's not everybody in Hollywood who hates your mother, it's every single person in America outside of her cult of personality.
"Maternal instincts?" Like how she kept a date rapist, serial cheating, pussy hound away from her two younger sisters? Levi is this horrible person and she invited him in and was willing to make him a member of the family.
But Levi was a wonderful person and great father – until they broke up. Then the whole family started slandering him everywhere, leading to this accusation of rape which is in no way completely inconsistent with the way the family treated the guy when they were engaged, almost as if it was invented recently.
So when she said she and her date rapist were getting back together, she was just feeling… thirsty???
Well, back in my heyday, I managed to get drunk, get laid often and not get pregnant. So fuck you, Bristol, I clearly win in the drunken slutty behaviour sweepstakes.
Yes, but you were not using birth control – for cramps only, of course – that magically failed, in a way that would go right along with the abstinence-only education propaganda lies about birth control were it actually true and not as transparently fake as your new chin.
Congratulations on taking your birth control pill everyday. Maybe Momma Griz should have mashed it up in Bristol's peanut butter sammichs.
Given the choice between LouSarah's Bristol and your own, I most assuredly would have preferred sharing a heyday with you.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Not only do we have to now be subjected to Brisdull's collection of serial thought-farts, here presented as if they have credibility, but we are expected to accept a hackneyed attempt to discredit the use of birth control?
Here's a clue, honey: in order to use those little pills correctly, you have to have the capacity to COUNT. Obviously this is where you failed. (Above and beyond everything else).
And wine coolers? How apropos. I just can't add anything to that.
Yes, Wonketteers are mean.
Actually, no math skills are needed to take birth control pills. You just have to take one everyday since placebo pills are provided for the days that your um, "little friend comes to visit."
yup. i relied on those little puppies for over a decade and can say with complete satisfaction that they were 100% successful – with some pretty serious challenges to their efficacy.
1. Place pill firmly between knees.
2. Don't drink wine coolers.
See, that wasn't so hard.
The Palins lie just for the practice. The strategy seems to be to get so many versions of every event out that that even they don't remember what actually happened. Much like that fateful camping trip.
"And I thought it was because she danced like a bear in a Russian circus. "
Except less gracefully.
As a fan of plushy women, I'm willing to give it a shot. And it wouldn't cost too much in beer heiress dollars to pay me to go away afterwards.
"An inspiring book and must read for all skanks, tramps and ne'er-do-wells of the female persuasion. "
So true! If only they could, or could be persuaded to, read.
If only they could, or could be persuaded to, read
Oh, good. The Palin female history there.
Hey Bristol Palin, you stupid slut. You write a "memoir" in the twilight of life. AFTER YOU ACCOMPLISHED SOMTHING!!!!!! ANY-FUCKING-THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm taking a guess that you're just back from a liquid lunch.
Although, of course, I agree with you.
"Also, they still make wine coolers?!?!"
Probably not as of the date of publication of this impressive tome.
Come on now, nobody with an ounce of brains would ever waste their time dis…
Oh dear.
Yeah, but none of us will actually buy it. Will we?
Well there is always this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C17yfGyJjM
"Shouldn't it have been called "Should Have Been Afraid Of Wine Coolers" ? "
TMI, Bristol, just TMI.
Now, there is TM there, but there is no I whatsoever.
Someone should have told her the birth control pill was not a suppository.
"Someone should have told her the birth control pill was not a suppository. "
They did, but geez, cut her some slack; it has five syllables!
Not a bad title, but Mein Kampf would have been better.
"Mein Kampfing Trip" would be best.
Spill the wine, fuck that girl. I get it. She's still a legitimate abstinence advocate because she would never have willingly encouraged any penis intrusion sperm delivery event outside the sacred bonds of man+woman marriage, but was tricked into it by Seagram's. That's a story all American youth need to understand so they can make informed choices about what outfit to wear to Dancing with the Stars auditions.
Yeah, it was nothing but rape, rape, rape all summer long.
"Levi Johnston also got someone else pregnant, so Tripp has a sibling?"
Sarah and Trig! It actually makes perfect sense, in a Glenn Beck their-names-have-the-same-letters kind of way. And that is this book's target audience after all.
So, Bristol has pretty much written the road map for young males on how to get your girl in the sack. When/if her young'un is able to read he can use the text as manual.
Her youngun will be having sex before he's able to read.
Fetal alcohol syndrome could help explain some things. Just sayin'.
Is that a possible cause of Down's Syndrome?
Oh, BTW, Bristol. We don't fucking care.
Hmm, according to her publisher's website, Les Bris is in pretty good company, right up there with noted memoirists Tatum O'Neal and Nikki Sixx.
Get back to me as soon as Bristol writes a ballad as awesome as "Nona".
Or wins an Oscar like Tatum O'Neal did.
Happy families are all alike; every media whore family whores the media in its own way
I can see Russian Literature from my house!
Keeping it classy.
Well, this would be helpful for those gentleman who may be afflicted with what we Brits call "Brewer's Droop".
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/20/us-futu...
Who says the United States has a higher standard of living than European countries?
Hey, I have been a black out drunk many, many times, and I'm not famous. what gives?
Think of the upside. You're still you now that it's all over, but she'll always have to be her.
In this book, Brisdull calls Levi a "knat".
I'd call him more of a "honeybee", since he stung her…
Better idea: Pot brownies and French martinis. Club members take turns reading aloud and acting out passages from this noble tome. Y'all will laugh yourselves silly and it will be the best mtg ever.
Good point. It will have the added benefit that, with sufficient quantities of pot and alcohol, we'll forget what we read and just remember what a great time we had.
It always feels good in the end!
If it was in the end, she wouldn't be knocked up.
Sarah does anal?
Whenever she talks it does sounds as if a big one has just been jammed in the back door.
With 6 children, probably not. I meant that it always feels good whenI cum, but I foolishly had fit of prudery.Maybe that's why Todd goes to the harlots: anal sex!
Looking at her audience<shudder> she can write (or have written for her) anything that comes into her little empty coconut. She could go full Munchausen and they'd just lap that shit up. It's been pretty clear for some time that for this clan the truth or even the pursuit of it holds no interest. So, given that, she sure didn't have written a very interesting book? There doesn't seem to be any tales of discovering oil while on a hunting trip "shootin' at some food" or even any sightings of Sasquatch? Boring…
It means our fate as a nation has been decided, and it ain't good.
"Not Afraid of Life: The story of the daughter of a half term governor from a stupid state with less people than a mid-sized city"
Soon to be a major motion picture.
Similar to Woodward & Bernstein getting generously cast with Redford & Hoffmann, Bristol will be played by Jennifer Lawrence.
Okay, by a show of hands, how many of you here were "straight-A students" in high school? Bristol claims that she was. She switched schools to avoid a "gang rape" and she had mono and was out of school for a great deal of time and still managed to be "straight-A?"
To avoid "gang rape"? Was she going to high school or living in a penal colony?
HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHUHUHUHUH….you said "penal".
Home schooling. She switched from the living room to the dining room to avoid incestuous double teaming. The "A"s were for effort.
My attitude in high school was influenced by beer and playing hockey, so no I wasn't a straight A student. Most of the ones I knew who were flunked out of Rensselaer freshman year.
I was not quite a straight A student, owing to my school's Latin requirement; I only got a B+ in freshmen Latin and and flat-out B in AP Virgil. Oh and I got a B+ in AP Physics.
Then I went to college and discovered having a life, drinking, the ability to skip classes, and actually having to work to do well in more than one or two classes and things went downhill…
I might have been a straight A student if I'd actually given two shits about grades and classes… [shrug] eghhhhh, whattya gonna do?
As if having "straight A's" in high school means a goddamn thing by the time you are a few years out of college.
Better title: "I Should Have Danced All Night: What the Hell Was I Thinking?"
(partial credit to Ernie Kovacs who did a wonderful send up of that My Fair Lady tune with a pregnant woman singing)
Not Afraid of Life–unless, of course, it's the Ebola Virus or HIV. You get that life in your ass and you're scared.
But she is afraid of black people. And Hawaiians, like her mother.
She's not hiding behind a baby or using it as a prop is she? They are both too young for that sort of desperate stunt.
"She's not hiding behind a baby or using it as a prop is she?"
What? You're supposed to do something else with them?
True. Being in New York City four years, they prolly got to Staten Island at least once, & got their fill of exposure to such people.
They create their own realities, like a lot of Bushies did!
Not Afraid of Life: Reflections on The Fucks, The Fetuses, and The Face-Liftings.
Sarah will soon be embarking on the, "Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far" book signing tour.
Meet and greet the famous and courageous Mother of the author of this book!
"ALASKA STAT. § 12.10.010 General time limitations
(a) No time limit for the prosecution of
ï‚•ï€ Felony sexual abuse of a minor
ï‚•ï€ Sexual assault that is an unclassified,
class A, or class B felony,"
Note: Unclassified is 1st degree sexual assault, a felony. Class A is 2nd degree, felony
Class B is 3rd degree, felony
(b) (1) For the following offense, within 10 years
after commission of the offense>/b>:
ï‚•ï€ Sexual assault in the third degree, when
offender engages in sexual contact with
a victim who the offender knows is
mentally incapable, incapacitated, or
unaware that a sexual act is being
committed (§ 11.41.425 (a) (1))
Given the results of pitching a tent, it would appear that Bristol is the victim of 1st degree sexual assault (unclassified), for which there is no statue of limitations. Unless she's not, of course.
Levi's ex-GF just accused him of 1sr degree sexual assault and she can press charges any time she wants to Or not. Or maybe she will, or maybe she'll get on a bus first ans see what she can rustle up, Or not. Or maybe? . .
In any civilized state, if the victim is a minor, the state will prosecute regardless of the wishes of the victim since victimhood is implied simply because she was below the age of consent, or some such shit.
"victimhood is implied simply because she was below the age of consent"
In this instance, victimhood is implied simply because she's a member of that family.
They're all victims.
All the time.
Of everything.
Sexual assault in the third degree, when offender engages in sexual contact with
a victim who the offender knows is mentally incapable,
So anyone who has ever had sex with any of the Palins, ever?
I think Bristol spells it "creetons".
I can't wait for Levi's opus!
"I can't wait for Levi's opus! "
I don't care what that little slut says about not remembering anything, that's what she really said to her friends before the fateful camping trip.
Well, I'm sure that if you hung around the bars and coffee shops of Wasilla, you'd hear a lot, over time. Maybe if you read the graffiti in the toilets, too.
He already wrote it – the guy can out-grift the Palins!
http://www.amazon.com/Deer-Headlights-Sarah-Palin...
She is more of a leff d'oeuvre….
The only reason she went as far as she did is because a shit ton of idiots decided it would be fun to vote for the worst.
It says that even rightwing idiots who would read this tripe don't want to be seen actually holding it.
wine cooler libel! ?
No…wine cooler label. It clearly said "Drink Responsibly"
Lol, go to Amazon.com and check out the tags for this book:
crayons not included, grifter, joke, endless mad lib possibilities, narcissism, how to profit from being a high school drunk……
Shoot! You're four minutes of ahead of me. Yes, the tags are BRUTAL. Love it. Oh, it's also the top tagged book for Narcissism, ahead of books on the actual subject with that word in the title.
This was priceless:
Well done, David
That was fun! I contributed "teen trollop" and "not afraid of lying."
Has "cum dumpster" already been done?
Norplant? Depo-Provera? (I think Depo's only good for three months, though.)
(& Norplant might have been taken off-market.)
Whatever, I would think it would be the normal thing for parents ofteen daughters. To expect people to have puberty at age 12 and thennot have sex till they get married at age 30 is absurd. Though not tooabsurd for fundamentalist parents, I'm afraid. I'm thinking of anindividual who got married and pg at age 19, then wondered why her twogirls got pg at age 19….
I hate to be pedantic about it, but shouldn't that read "sittin' at the family table and votin'"?
"Nobody wanted Bristol Palin to win on Dancing With the Stars, because everybody in Hollywood hates Sarah Palin."
No, sweetie. Everybody in most cities hates Sarah Palin.
No, sweetie. Everybody in most
citiesparts of the world that aren't completely cut off from civilization hates Sarah Palin./fixed
Yeah, but NOBODY doesn't like Sara Lee…
Am I one of the only Merkins who doesn't believe this pathetic attempt to claim a weird kind of immaculate conception? And then in no time she figures out that the baby is her gold mine. What a family, state, and country.
Why do we have to be negative all the time? Instead of hating on poor little Bristol's celebrity memoir, which she didn't write, why not some geek love for Simon Pegg's Nerd Do Well, which he most assuredly did?
She had to have a book, for the grift. Its the standard conservative modus operandi for un-subtly hiding their bribes (as in Newt Gingrich accepting a $4 million book advance from Rupert Murdoch, then shepherding through the legislation that would allow a foreigner to own TV stations in the US, and later, the legislation to allow one person to own a newspaper and TV station in the same market) and serving a a pretense for diverting more money from their "charitable cause" into their pocket. You see, her charity will be buying this book by the ten-thousand, to give away to donors (and incidentally, to push onto the bestseller lists). Its public grifter 101 stuff, you gotta have a book.
This tears it: I'm going to knock up some politician's teenage daughter so I can pay off my student loans.
She probably doesn't have healthcare and her mother wouldn't encourage that so she was screwed in every sense of the word.
They don't distribute birth control in the Canadian Health Care System?
ok 'land-bound manatee' wins my comment on the day.
Sigh…I could write a rather long screed about people I have known who have triumphed over adversity who's stories are infinitely more interesting than this self-aggrandizing twit's…but why bother.
It's not bad, here's an excerpt:
Levi sat and watched me by the campfire as I downed all six of the Seagrams Lime Twisters. He then walked over to me and pulled off my Wranglers as layed there like a drunken slutty rag doll. He stared my silver dollar nipples for a moment then he continued to beast fuck me. I could smell the whiskey and Skoal on his breath as I closed my eyes and I prayed to Jesus , "I want a miracle…..a baby miracle." Then he shot rope all over my face.
Que Bueno!
I think Jones Soda Co. just found its new flavour: Limes with Whore.
A round of Limes with Whore for everyone!
Needz moar brand names.
Yeah but which one, Bartles or James, knocked her up?
Let's hope she wasn't drinking Night Train.
No, I'm not implying that; I'm stating outright that they made shit up, that the two of them at least are congenital liars who constantly change their stories for self-aggrandizement and profit.
I think they enjoy lying so much, that they would lie about something that actually made them worse off than the truth would.
See Sarah's "Wild Ride" to giving birth…
Wake me up when she writes her memoir at 40. The one that tells the 'unvarnished' truth about her narcissistic mother; the unending lies the family had to tell in the pursuit of Lou Sarah's power; the embarrassing episode that lead Bristol to the realization that conservatism is inhuman and selfish; and why she felt she had to take on an alias and move to Newfoundland where she found lasting happiness with a taxidermist. I won't waste my money before then.
With any luck at all, I'll be dead by then.
I was sorta thinking that too, only not because of luck, just cause of getting old.
"Aren't there birth control implants that make one impregnable for years at a time? "
Yes. The most effective one is intelligence combined with education.
Yes."The most effective one is intelligence combined with education."
Bristol:"Huh? All I heard was a couple of 3 syllable words that sounded like 'blah blah blah…"
ha that's really funny! i was just on amazon yesterday and bought a cast iron skillet for the same amount of money as bristol's memoirs! and with free shipping too!!
coincidence? i think not.
And the skillet is useful!
Well, the skillet, unlike Barstool, has a chance of being hot one day. Meat will want to pull out of Barstool faster than the searing hot pan though.
Unlike Brillo, you have to get the skillet hot before you put the meat in.
Levi Johnston also got someone else pregnant, so Tripp has a sibling?
Yeah, some kid with a large crew to protect him from liberal onslaught.
Why can't the Palins act like a nice, normal family, like the Adamses or the Munsters?
They gotta go a long way up the evolutionary ladder to aspire to those heights of couth and class.
I want to hear this whorish moron pronounce "memoir."
Hint, you grifting little dolt, it is not "mee-moyer."
Where, indeed.
http://www.google.com/search?q=willow+vandalism
(html markup is being uncooperative)
A line from the "book": Every time we saw Meghan, she seemed to be constantly checking us out, comparing my family to hers and complaining," Bristol Palin writes. "Oh the complaining.
Oh the total lack of self-awareness–which is expected in teenagers but not to this amazing extent.
Maybe there will be an entertaining catfight from this but that is the best we can expect.
"comparing my family to hers and complaining"
Who could possibly be in the same room as that family of inbred nose-pickers and NOT complain?
I, like Levi, have all my date-rape victim's names tattooed on my fingers.
Oh, wait…
I can't wait for the MOVIE!
I can't wait for Mercede Johnston's blog post!
Starring which Pop Tart?
I think I'll just wait for the tent scene to show up on the porn sites.
This "autobiography" could have been written by any random teenage girl in Wasilla. It's the state disease.
One reason Alaska is a leader in VD!
Pretty sure you're right, but it's still a pity they didn't choose to go the Romeo and Juliet route instead of rewriting Deliverance, or whatever.
If it weren't for date rape, she'd never get paid.
Or laid.
How much delusion can one mind holdShe is in her early/mid twenties and thinks she has something to say? She has already joined the "Palins v the World" club. To quote the movie little big man,"Sometimes life is just too too riddiculous." Today, like most dats, I am ashamed to be a human being.
If the brownies and martinis aren't available, may I suggest a lovely garnish of hemlock?
In the cowardly lion voice: "Put it in! Put it in!"
She should have learned to guard her musk.
"In the cowardly lion voice: "Put it in! Put it in!""
This made me laugh so hard and cringe so much, simultaneously.
Glinda the Good Witch: Why, Whistle, you've always had a brain! It's just… oh, wait. No, you haven't.
But this is the perfect pro-life schtick! See, even when you're date raped by a hockey player and get teen pregnant, you don't need an abortion because Mommy's campaign money can land you a sweet, do-nothing career and you can afford au pairs to raise your rape baby, so you aren't confronted with a daily reminded of how your autonomy was stripped away.
Hmm….if Bristol was date-raped as she claims did her mom force her to buy her own rape kit like she did to actual victims of rape?
Didn't think so.
Bristol and mommy dearest's first thought was "Is there money to be made from this?"
"Were you wearing a blue dress, Brissie? Quick, stick it in a snowbank for safekeeping!"
I will take this book for my "beach read" next week. And after reading it, I will walk into the ocean and keep walking.
And he happened to have 200 wine coolers with him.
"Virgin" Mary: Mom, Dad. I'm a virgin and Joseph and I have never done it even when I'm knocked out on wine coolers on camping trips. But somehow I'm pregnant.
VM's M&D: We believe you because that can happen on camping trips.
VM: Do you think anyone will care that I'm a pregnant virgin?
VM's M&D: Nah.
"VM's M&D: We believe you because that can happen on camping trips."*
*We know, because it happened to us.
She's accusing him of date rape, right?
Yep, but since she didn't put up a fight… no 'bortion…
Quite a leap in logic to assume that people that hate Bible Spice even watch Dancing With The Stars.
Of course its a lie, even Palin's family wouldn't vote for her
A coed camping trip of highschoolers? What could go wrong?
"A coed camping trip of highschoolers? What could go wrong? "
Nothing, in their view.
It was totally OK – she had taken a birth control pill a few days before.
Probably with the same cast and will re-use the same sets. Not Afraid of Tribulation!
"land-bound manatee" for the win!
Barb, Barb, Barb. I was afraid of this. Is your home office festooned with notecards taped to every surface, comparing and contrasting the irreconcilable incidents and timelines in all of the Palin "literature"? Don't waste your beautiful mind on this family of vapid, sluttish, hick bunco artists!
She could title that book, If I Had Only Swallowed, Life Lessons from the Frontier.
But what about the sluts, trollops and gold-diggers? Will they pick up any pro tips that would justify the purchase price?
Bristol Palin is becoming the Billy Carter in a family of Billy Carters.
"Scared Shitless I May Actually Have To Learn A Useful Skill: My Life As An Empty Headed Daughter Of A Snowbilly Grifter, So Far"
Tripp sixes, even.
You, sir, are an assasin.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
Apparently it is also cheesier.
Changing the definition of "slut", anyway: "A girl who goes to college, then marries, then has children."
All liberal women are, therefore, sluts.
Wait, what?
All liberal women are *ugly*, not sluts.
Regardless of what they actually look like, all right wing women are "hot" and all left-wing women, or any woman who's more of a feminist than Phyllis Schlafly, or has ever read a book other than the Bible, is "ugly".
It is just so hard to keep up with the contradictory memes, isn't it? The upright god-fearin', no sinful sex women are “hot”, and the immoral, abortin', birth control flauntin', childless women are ugly and no real man would want them. And they're lesbians anyway. So, not sluts? I'm confused.
Or, like cockroaches, they would be the survivors. Sigh.
That the finger-pointing and lip-moving that it would take to read the print version is too much like work?
Somewhere during the latter part of my teenage years, I started having sex with boys. Even though I was every bit as hormone-addled as most teenagers, and the boys were probably *nearly* as scuzzy as Levi (hey, give me a break! It was New Jersey!), I used protection. I never got pregnant out of wedlock, never had a sexually transmitted disease, and didn't become a mother at sixteen and a grandmother at thirty.
All these years, I thought it was because I had a brain larger than a chickpea and a shred of responsibility for my own actions, and possibly because I wasn't trash who was raised by trash. Now I discover it's because I was actually (dramatic music) AFRAID OF LIFE!!
If only I weren't such a gutless coward, I, too, could have been a scabby, toothless, skank who puts out for dimes, and embracing all the wonders life has to offer, no matter how nasty, vulgar, ignorant, trailer-dwelling, herpes-ridden, lice-infested, meth-addicted, or downright leotarded. Instead, I wasted my life with college, marriage, friends, and career.
Well, isn't MY face red.
I'm embarrassed to say that I led my daughter so far astray that she is in graduate school, single, never been pregnant, but is looking forward to having a family one day after she is settled in adulthood with a steady job (satisfying life being more important than money).
Where did I go wrong?
But….manatees are peaceful and cute! Manatee Libel!
nice.
After reading this I think love Meghan McCain.
Johnston is a common Messican name, isn't it?
You'd think they'd be glad he wasn't gay!
How many conservitards use conservapedia, really? Are there rival versions for libertarians etc.?
Probably Ben Dover!
"Not Afraid of Spermatazoa"
"He done put his junk inside my junk, right where I tee-tee."
There ya go.
I wonder.
I think she's her mother's daughter, and what she really craves is attention, and doesn't much care whether it's good or bad (see also, "Dancing with the Stars").
Fat AND does meth.
Failed at abstinence AND failed at sex.
Girlfriiend needs some decision making skills.
You misspelled "creationists".
Given how they've managed to thrive so far, despite the complete lack of any positive qualities, I'm not sure that's how it would play out.
I'm sure Bristol would make an acceptable tavern wench.
Is that really fair?
Geraldo already had his nose broken when somebody or other went upside his head.
Is it really necessary to subject him to an hour of her voice, convoluted and nonsequitorious sentence structure, and repeatedly calling him "Gerardo", even after having been corrected?
I'm sure he'd prefer you just went ahead and broke his nose again.
Little Brillo is growing up.
Why, it seems like only last week she was asking, "What shape is a book? A circle or a triangle?"
What a shame that the title "A Confederacy of Dunces" was already taken.
Seems more like it should be available as Kindling.
I think Ann Landers had a column about this very topic back in the early 70s.
That was Dan Savage, you studmuffin.
You obviously are too young to remember the updated-every-five- years-or-so Ann Landers sex test. The last time I saw it in the newspaper and took it was in 1973, and I was totally embarrassed at what a low score I got on the test. I definitely was not going to Hell (at that time).
ZOMG, I think I got teh SLAPdown. I wasn't in the country at the time, bro. In foreign fields, as it were. I have the oldz too ya know.
I'd say of any persuasion. Levi sounds like quite the little ho, himself. I mean, we already know he's a whore (see: Playgirl).
Oooo, you're bad.
Guys, I just looked at the tags over on Amazon.com, and I just want to say that I'm proud of at least some of you who clearly came up with some of these.
Just FYI, I added a few extra: nepotism, blood libel, teen pregnancys okay if youre rich and white.
YES!
I got an F in religion, and I got into MIT.
Hmmm… maybe that's why I got in.
"Moose in the Headlights" really captures the essence of his experience.
What was that dreadful old joke about the guy bringing the gal flowers and she sticks her legs in the air because she needs to put them someplace where they'll be moist and … never mind.
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