New Bristol Palin Memoir Tells How To Get Pregnant While Drunk

Famous unemployed ex-pregnant person Bristol Palin released a "memoir" about something, we do not care what, except that she recounts how she lost her virginity to hillbilly idiot Levi Johnston while blacking out on wine coolers during a camping trip. This episode probably inspired the title of the book, called Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far. From now on, Bristol Palin is America's new mascot of Courage. What else qualifies Bristol Palin for this title?

• Meghan McCain "ignored" Bristol when their families first met, and she complained. Bristol had to put up with this.

• Cindy McCain was a weird "queen" towards Bristol. (Haha, Cindy McCain is actually just a man in drag? We knew that.)

• Levi Johnston also got someone else pregnant, so Tripp has a sibling?

• Nobody wanted Bristol Palin to win on Dancing With the Stars, because everybody in Hollywood hates Sarah Palin.

And this is what makes you a Hero in America. [ ABC News ]