What do we always know about America’s myriad unsolved problems? They are the fault of the illegalz. Recently, the illegalz have been trying to burn down all of Arizona with their chronic pyromaniac ruthlessness, according to senior desert wildfire detective Sen. John McCain. Asked by reporters at a press conference, “what’s the deal and how will you fix these insane wildfires,” he said what all Arizona GOP politicians say when they are too old and senile to actually hear and understand the questions anymore: “IT’S THE BORDER.” Old Grunty McWalnuts felt “evidence” was sort of a high standard of proof, so he went with “probably it was these things” like immigrants lighting fires at night to stay warm or send signals. Uh, okay! Aliens would rather start fires in the desert that they usually like to use for walking over from Mexico, because it is fun when it is exponentially more lethal to cross than ever before.
From CNN:
“There is substantial evidence that some of these fires have been caused by people who have crossed our border illegally,” McCain, R-Arizona, said Saturday at a press conference. “The answer to that part of the problem is to get a secure border.”
The Arizona senator, however, did not say what the evidence is, prompting a swift rebuke from Latino civil rights advocates.
“It’s easier to fan the flames of intolerance, especially in Arizona,” said Randy Parraz, a civil rights advocate who ran unsuccessfully against McCain as a Democratic candidate in 2010.
Secure the border, and the wildfires will go away forever, just like climate change, unemployment, racism, cancer and Jesus. [CNN]
{ 147 comments }
Are these the same aliens that built the pyramids? Or are they your Panamanian relatives?
Yes.
Sir, until you take responsibility for the "Palin wildfire" that you started I have no interest in what you have to say. You chose a running mate after spending 86 minutes in her presence. You thought that you could capture the disenchanted Hillary voters by picking someone with a uterus and defeating "that one!" I spent more time picking my last car from the dealership than you did when picking the potential replacement POTUS. You would give the nuke codes to someone that is so ignorant that I wouldn't trust her to watch my Jiffy Pop popcorn on the stove, while I reached for ice for my soda, let alone be the leader of the United States military.
Blaming Messicans for these fires is irresponsible and will just further fuel the hate in Arizona. You grow more hateful and ignorant with age and I feel it is time for you to retire and take your trophy wife out shopping for carpeting for your many homes and just get the hell out of politics.
Well stated Barb. And welcome back…
Thanks! McCain implies that the illegals did it to "keep warm" The summer solstice starts tomorrow and Arizona's temperatures are in the 100's, duh!
Maybe they were roasting weiners.
"I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I spiked the marshmallows with muscle relaxers… & my ADHD medication. They were supposed to be for Teddy. But, then, the bags got confused".
Of course when you are sneaking across the border, the best way to stay secret is to light a signal fire.
This is why they're crossing the border illegally in the first place, so they can have bells to ring and guns to fire to warn the British that they're coming.
Right?
I hope this comment gets you three-digit fists up the orifice of your choice.
Okay, my three orifices of choice are the two mouths McCain speaks out of and the gateway to hell Bachmann calls her mouth.
YES! I wonder which decade McCain will get stuck in when he starts the olds rambling about the good ole days?? For my 95 year old grandmom (may she rest in peace) it was the 1920's.
John McCain has joined the Governor and the crazy Sheriff Joe in fueling the fires of hate in Arizona. There's already quite a few dead bodies because of them, but they still refuse to stop.
"Palin wildfire"?
Is that new kid slang for VD?
John McCain didn't start the fire… it was always burnin' since the world was turnin'
Hurrah for you Barb….Hurrah
Excellent rant. That reminds me — Keith Olbermann starts his new gig on Current TV tonight.
Rosie, thanks for the reminder!
My uterus is flaming with love for you!
Love you back, my sister from another mister!
If you don't get comment of the day for this than they might as well just give it to Noman/Spanky.
tell us how you really feel!
this is fantastic – and with jiffy pop.
Outstanding. I love a good righteously – indignant Rant.
When WALNUTS accepted this monumentally unqualified walking vulva into the running for the position a heartbeat away from the most important and dangerous job in human history, it was a deadly insult to anyone who even remotely believes in competent governance and a healthy modern civilization.
In a just world, he'd be drummed out of not only politics, but society itself – banished to some primitive hell like Devil's Island. Instead, in this world, he's disgustingly wealthy and appears weekly on the Sunday Conventional Wisdom channels like some kind of photo negative of an Oracle.
This may the best we can hope for: Picture a black Suburban pulled over at 3 AM for driving without headlights. In the foreground, A D.C. cop points a flashlight at a vastly inebriated Senator vomiting onto the floormats. In the background, past the open passenger door, a semi-clothed Argentinian stripper is thrashing across the Tidal Basin with a second traffic cop in hot pursuit.
It's happened before.
fucking WIN (ok 2nd WIN!) of the day!
Wohoo, thanks! Felt good, too.
fucking WIN of the decade!
Los Relámpagos is to blame, that Messican lightning cartel .
More likely, Percy Jackson.
Arizonans always knew their grandkids were up to shit.
Personally, I blame all the flaming gay people.
Can't put it all on Republicans
We can try.
Hey, we live to serve.
Don't even get me started on the gay illegal atheists.
They're everywhere! Burning shit down and turning people gay with their displaying rainbow flags and having the nerve to marry. It's a Merkin crisis. Needz moar bible.
Nah, it's cuz taxes are too high.
fire started in Sedona?
This guy will take care of those pesky aliens:
http://i54.tinypic.com/14wr1w8.jpg
Boy, is there anything those Mexicans can't do?
Work in Georgia?
Swim. They definitely cannot swim. Like the blacks.
Mulattoes, on the other hand, can half-swim, albeit awkwardly.
a round of Upfists for my friends, drink up everybody! (hey it's my birthday- the REAL one- so it's ok that I'm up late Wonketeering, and drinking!)
What the hell is the Rio Grande made out of, then? Fruitcake? How they backs get wet if they can't swim? Hengh? Messican goes in, Messican comes out. How's it work? How dey get up dere?
Dey got mules wat carry dem on dey back for to not get dey backs no legs wet dey. Dat how.
Let's bring some in to put out the fires.
I strongly suspect that were the messicans truly interested in arson, they might start with Jan Brewer's house and Walnuts' eleventy-thousand homes.
Har har har, a lot of us whites would be laughing our asses off in support if only ….
Build the damn firewall!
+++++++
Fireproof the danged fence!
more +++++
Can Joan of Wasilla see the fire from her new bungalow in North Snotsdale?
Please Google: Why isn't Wall Street in Jail.
Thanks in advance.
Also Google: The Real Housewives of Wall Street.
I will be selling pitchforks and torches on ebay later this afternoon. Thanks for bidding!
Spoken like a true, job-creating entrepreneur! How would you like a nice tax cut?
Funny thing; todays peasants are armed to the fucking teeth! Well, maybe not so funny.
The illegals want Arizona hot & spicy, just like their food.
So Mavricky Walnuts has gone full teabagger. Get the net.
Walnut tea?
Nouveau Rishi.
He's going to market his own brand of tea, just like Limburger.
It will be aged, bitter, and hard to keep down.
His wife suggested "Hurl Grey".
“It’s easier to fan the flames of intolerance, especially in Arizona,” said Randy Parraz…
Nicely done, sir.
There is substantial evidence that everything bad in the world is caused by people whose demonization furthers my political ambitions.
Does Walnuts have any political ambitions left? He had his chance at the top spot and lost – TO ONE OF THOSE COLORED FOLKS!
All he has left is bitter, bitter spite. And the media.
To Joe Klein, Jim van de Hei, & the rest of the DC intelligentsia, John Mc Cain never lost.
Genius. Pure Genius.
That sounds really familiar. How do you say Kristallnacht in Spanish?
Noche de Vidrio Roto?
The accompanying photo of him is funny mean. But since he puts the 'crotch' in crotchety it's also deserved.
*I really feel bad, cracking up over that pic
He's looking at Wiener's wiener.
Whew! These messicans are busy in AZ what with all the beheading of people, setting wild fires & keeping the white man from bricking/building all those Mcmansions. Not to mention keeping Walnuts' wife…um…satisfied.
I'm sure of it now. McCain is definitely becoming senile. What he meant to say was, those fucking illegals burned down the Reichstag.
Yes, and Dennis O'Leary's cow burned down Chicago.
Walnuts would know about causing explosions and fires.
ouch
If there's a town called "Forrestal" in AZ, they better watch out.
"GET OFF MY BURNT UP LAWN!"
Why do Republicans hate Jesus (and Angel, and Manuel, …)?
~
In the sense of if Jeebus was really a Jew why does he have a Puerto Rican name?
It's those Panamanians you REALLY have to worry about.
He's approaching Rudi status in his mono-issue-ity.
un sustantivo, un verbo y nueve once?
Once nueve. Mes despues del dia. 11-S (once septiembre).
Jesus. If it's not "illegals" then it's "job killing". The mind boggles at the obtusiness.
I blame the English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyromania_(album)
"It was the One-Armed Man!"
To put that fire out, we need to set another fire in the same area to attack the original fire. I've read in some fire books that you have to fight fire with fire. This has been scientifically proved in a lab.
I'm sure McCain, if he were to read this, would say,"Let's go get us some Mexicans… and they can fight the Mexicans…"
Wait I thought Arizona was flame retardant. Or was it full of retards, I can't remember.
Walnuts is a couple of months away from being caught fapping in the streets of DC.
"There is substantial evidence that some of my synapses are firing improperly"
-John McCain-
I blame undocumented lightning.
Great – now we have alien thunderstorms sneaking across the border. We're gonna have to made the fucking wall 40,000 feet tall.
"Undocumented Lightning" is what I call the Mexican knockoff Colt 45.
Hey McCain… build a wall of FIRE… that should do it!
NEEDZ MOAR "SPICK" AND "WET-BACK"!!!!
When I lived in San Diego they were called "Beaners" which could be confusing cuz it sounds a lot like beamers. Perhaps by now it has been changed to the more correct "Frijoles".
Much more likely that these fires were started by Injuns sending smoke signals to warn drug traffickers about the Minutemen. Certainly not started by teabaggers firing machine guns into the brush during snipe hunting season.
I was thinking about the expressions "Messican" & "speakin' Messican", & I realized how, inadvertently, the Teabaggers demonstrated vestigial political-correctness. Considering the Spanish "México" or "Méjico" is actually just the closest attempt to the Nahuatl "Meshica" (no 'shuh' in Spanish), the Teabaggers have finished what the Andalucians started: restoring dignity to the place-name for the New World/El Dorado.
When I tell the Teabaggers this, I'm sure they'll go Scanners, though.
We should let Grampy explain every damn thing in the world to us. Remember how great he was at solving the economic crisis that arose in the middle of his Presidential campaign…..how selfless he was at suspending his campaign, and the terrible price he paid, when not enough people voted for him afterwards? But he HAD to do it, to save us, just as he is saving us now from the perilous threat of people sneaking in, over the border. Could we please start carving a new head on Mount Rushmore?
Have these maroons considered the possibility that the wildfires could have been started by fire ants shooting off their weapons in the wilderness for kicks?
That is the exact same kinda impenetrable logic my Ex-Father-in-law has.
Those illegal pastry chefs are burning our desserts!
What passes for logic in his old decrepit brain that would even think that remark doesn't sound absolutely stupid, ignoran , baseless, pandering, fear mongering, demonizing, and riddiculous? Isn't there some kind of sanity test these guys must take to run for public office?
In Arizona, they take an insanity test.
Thanks Histori. Who knew that Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew would be a good breakfast?
Is that your secret? Pop rocks and Mountain Dew? (taking notes)
Damned illegal pot-smoking immigrants! Taking away fire-starting jobs from our patriotic meth-making Real Mericans.
"And, my friends, by 'substantial evidence' I of course mean 'none whatsoever'."
"Old Man Yells at Clouds" – of smoke!
However, for McCain, the fires had a silver lining:
'McCain said "the only way we are going to get these (forests) thinned is through greater participation of private enterprise" — adding the government should try to facilitate such initiatives, including by allowing limited logging in national parks.'
Clear cutting…the conservative's wet dream. (Plus, it will be easier to see those pesky illegals when they have to cross out in the open)
I don't remember anything prior to his selection of Babble Spice. Except McNutz being part of the Keating 5. Somehow, I haven't forgotten that.
I don't think we're that far off from blaming everything on witches again.
And what do we do with witches? BURN THEM!
Maybe Bristol drank too many wine coolers and set it, and doesn't remember.
there may be more evidence that Bristol did it rather than illegals
Because people seeking better opportunities for themselve just want to see the world burn down.
Jeez, he's still stuck on "build the dang fence". Someone should ask him what year it is.
“There is substantial evidence that some of these fires have been caused by people who have crossed our border illegally,” McCain, R-Arizona, said Saturday at a press conference.
Obviously, they found Taco Bell wrappers and empty bottles of Corona near the fire sight.
Hey, dumbass! The U.S. Forest Service has already announced that the fire was started here: http://itouchmap.com/?d=37167&s=AZ&f=loca…
Why the hell would illegals be in a campground in the mountains NE of Tucson? Two "persons of interest" (which pretty much leaves out Mexicans laborers) have already been detained.
In AZ, all Mexicans, and people who look like them, are Persons of Interest.
Global warming is simply illegal people heating up their "choriso".
Again, McGrunty offers proof that Arizona is no country for old men. Time for the pneumatic hammer to his noggin.
McCain clinches the all important angry-crazy-uncle-who-always-forwards-nutty-conservative-bullshit-emails vote. This is bad news for Romney.
Walnuts has his dentures in a twist because he's no longer relevant. He's just another smelly old demented white guy with a hair helmet and dandruff rummaging around in his vanity drawer for a Q-tip.
"No longer relevant"? Just you wait 'til the Upper Chamber Dinner Theatre stages Tom Coburn's Human Senapede, starring WALNUTS!, Ham-Biscuits, & Droopy.
This comment is Hot Chip.
Funny – they never seem to shove microphones in the faces of Democrats after they lose their presidential bids. But somehow, this senile turkey isn't dismissed as a has-been. The American Media, hard at work.
It's all those dried-up old people. They're careless with cigarettes and backyard barbecue things, and they are ever so flammable.
These illegal Messicans are very crafty–they figured out how to burn down an entire state that is made of rock, sand and water filled cactus plants.
"Sending signals" with fires? Why don't they just shoot guns and ring bells?
I think you just made one of my favorite comments right there.
According to Jon McCain, given the opportunity to sneak into the US, illegals will always climb 8000+ ft mountains rather than going around them. They will continue to do this all the way into the continental US……because only pussies walk on flatish areas. Fucking idiot.
How about he pulls less answers and more firefighters from out of his ass?
Blaming the powerless, isn't that what America is all about?
You mean, "my lebensraum".
Well, it's that, or bells and gunshots.
Shhh. He's on a roll.
So thanks to a car engine experiencing complete failure I was stuck in this part of Arizona for a few days and decided to do the only thing I know how to do. Get drunk, eat too much and cry about the $5k I was about to spend on a car (which is still stuck in this part of Arizona despite myself being in the Bay Area now.)
The locals (read: bartenders, waitresses, daytime drinkers) had heard that at least one suspect was in the process of being detained. Believe it or not he was an "illegal"-American born and raised in the area and under the age of 18. And everyone (read: bartenders, waitresses, daytime drinkers) never said anything about illegal spacebacks, just that the people born and raised in the area are the worst people in the world when it comes to preventing these fires.
Is burning down Arizona really such a bad thing? It will grow back greener, stronger, better than before.
I thought John mccain passed away on November 08.who is this guy?
Maybe it was a pile of burning illegal heads that Gov. Brewer said were littering the desert. Somebody probably illegal was trying to hide all their heads this time, by burning them. It could happen. Maybe the cop who got fired for shooting himself and then saying it was from a shootout with illegals, lit them. I don't even trust cops who don't shoot themselves.
Juan Macain: Dick-pics or GTFO.
Looks like they are slowly evolving; I mean, at least they didn't blame it on the Jews, this time.
There is substantial evidence that some of these fires have been caused by John McCain crashing jet fighters in the forests. That, and those pesky gray aliens always crashing their UFO's in the Southwest.
Should he be looking at his daughter's twitter?
Pyromaniac space aliens, maybe, lighting fires to cook the steaks they cut from the cattle!
Senator Crankypants is just being driven slowly around the bend by the knowledge that a dry-drunk frat boy fucked him out of the Presidency twice and the fact that he fucked himself out of it the last time with his own foolish pick of an ignorant twat for a running mate. Oh, and having a cunt for a wife…..his word, not mine.
Fucking McCain. The guy enjoyed a very long honeymoon with Zonie voters, who dug the war hero shtick, and eventually with the national press, who dug the "maverick" shtick, and now he's losing the shtick and revealing himself as the asshole he probably always was.
Aristophanes or Shakespeare could probably make something compelling out of this, but to me it's just another fucking asshole.
Comments on this entry are closed.