NOW MITTENS IS JEALOUS  9:09 am June 20, 2011

Michele Bachmann Joins Elitist Club of The Glitter-Bombed

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

my anti-gay force field is stronger than yoursWhen Michele Bachmann pictures the minions of Satan come to antagonize her for her rabid anti-gay views, does she picture shrieking hippie ladies with glitter? Yeah, that sounds about right. There is an interesting mirror quality to it, no? Bachmann was crossing a stage at the RightOnline forum in Minneapolis when a gay rights activist came at her with a handful of glitter. However, Michele walked through this terrible gauntlet of devil fury relatively unscathed because satan’s minions appear a little low on their sparkle fuel lately. Tim Pawlenty and Newt Gingrich were first to start the exclusive glitter-bomb club, but they got “glittered” a hell of a lot more, probably because their force field of anti-gay hate was impure. Michele will always win on that one. Watch the video after the jump:

Alright, “three’s a trend.” Where is our New York Times “glitter bombing replaces the sit-in”┬átrend piece? [CityPages]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 157 comments }

DaSandman June 20, 2011 at 9:13 am

Judging from the videos of the happy couple together, Michelle's husband, "the ghey fixer" would probably appreciate the glitter more.

Fathoms deep are the closets of the Rethugs…

Madfall June 20, 2011 at 9:14 am

I've said this before and seen it suggested elsewhere, but getting 'glittered' needs to become the next Santorum type neologism. I suggest something involving bukkake, to horrify the midwesterners.

MildMidwesterner June 20, 2011 at 9:30 am

Horrify…. or titillate?

Getting glittered will put the "o" in Iowa.

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:28 am

Everyone knows Cumming, Iowa, is America's G-spot.

x111e7thst June 20, 2011 at 9:16 am

If she caught some ghey from that glitter I'm sure Dr Marcus would be able to pray it away.

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 9:21 am

I read that as "Mr Marcus", first time thru, & lollered.

Mandingo!

OldWiseWizard June 20, 2011 at 9:18 am

I know it would lack the poetry of glitter but these would be way better if they spit out poison mist like The Great Muta: http://ow.ly/5lJx4

Monsieur_Grumpe June 20, 2011 at 9:18 am

My god!
Michele just walked through the glitter like it was nothing!
She’s not human!

Clancy_Pants June 20, 2011 at 9:20 am

It seemed to only make her stronger?

Serolf_Divad June 20, 2011 at 9:41 am

Glitter bombs, like Jedi mind tricks, only work on the weak willed… and the sane*.

*Please note: Newt Gingrich is a despicable demagogue, but he's not clinically insane like our beloved Michelle Bachmann.

iburl June 20, 2011 at 10:13 am

I'll need some proof that Newt is not clinically insane.

Lascauxcaveman June 20, 2011 at 10:56 am

Of the conservative media darlings, Newt and Sarah Palin aren't insane. Just a couple of carnival barkers marginally more clever than the rubes they're fleecing.

mormos June 20, 2011 at 11:41 am

that tiffany's scam he pulled could only be done by a cold calculating lizard person, not a foaming lunatic.

jus_wonderin June 20, 2011 at 9:52 am

Her carbon steel endoskelton is impervious to glitter. What is not well known is she whispered (under her breath) "I'll be back".

JustPixelz June 20, 2011 at 11:51 am

"I'll be back, man."

Frost/Nixon/Robocop June 20, 2011 at 9:19 am

They're not listening. Time to start throwing dildos.

Allmighty_Manos June 20, 2011 at 9:21 am

Or full on tar and feathering. That might require more work though.

freakishlywrong June 20, 2011 at 9:26 am

Santorum filled pies would get the message out as well..

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Ah, yeah, you got anyone in mind for the scut work here? Yaknow, collecting the santorum, filling the pies with it — do you have to bake them too?

elviouslyqueer June 20, 2011 at 10:21 am

No no. They'll just make Michele mad because of the strange effect the sight of them has in her hubby's trousers.

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Hon, she hasn't seen the inside of those trous since her last kid was birthed a couple of decades and a half ago. No wonder she has to compensate by selling EagleForumPornVideos of herself vacuuming in high heels.

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 10:47 pm

After popping five kids, her MotherHole is immune to dildos, baby. You're gonna need something from Cape Canaveral to put a smile on Mishmash's face.

CapeClod June 20, 2011 at 9:19 am

A woman with 30 children is not going to be deterred by glitter.

dailyworldwatch June 20, 2011 at 11:16 am

30 KIDS!

Leave 'ER alone! All you guys want is just moar moar moar moar MOAR! She's a euuuman!!!

Negropolis June 20, 2011 at 11:53 pm

I don't know why, but that's the funniest thing I've read in many moons.

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 8:22 am

You don't suppose she does the work herself, do you? Messican illegals probably tend the human cattle!

Buckminster June 21, 2011 at 4:45 pm

How about some glitter-glue so it will stick to her expensive ensemble?

Allmighty_Manos June 20, 2011 at 9:20 am

Sorry, but if it doesn't actually involve getting a full box of glitter dumped on the target's head along with a nice shot of "WTF" facial expression, your gitter bomb ain't ready for prime time.

ganmerlad June 20, 2011 at 9:20 am

The glitter didn't help one bit. She's still a giant pile of negativity. Time to bring on the confetti.

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 9:22 am

True Glit.

cheetojeebus June 20, 2011 at 9:27 am

"There will be Glitter"

baconzgood June 20, 2011 at 9:43 am

Sparkle-acus

WhatTheHolyHeck June 20, 2011 at 10:25 am

The Shinying

not that Dewey June 20, 2011 at 10:45 am

or, "How I learned to stop worrying and love the Bomb"

Lascauxcaveman June 20, 2011 at 10:58 am

My favorite line from that movie was when the lesbian activist said, "I wish I knew how to glit-her."

FraAnima June 20, 2011 at 9:22 am

They should have wrapped the glitter in 6 inches of concrete before throwing it at her. Now THAT would have done some good.

HELisforHEL June 20, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Oh, I like that idea. Very very good.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 20, 2011 at 9:23 am

You can't stop Mothra with a handful of glitter.
~

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 8:25 am

Michele is no where near as benevolent as Mothra; more like one of the monsters Mothra rescues people from!

freakishlywrong June 20, 2011 at 9:28 am

I think the geys need something a little more forceful, (and less gay), than glitter. I propose hurling Dan Choi at all these haters. That'll show em'!

4TheTurnstiles June 20, 2011 at 9:29 am

It's over for Sarah now, by the way. One L Michele is just better at the "I'll Be Your Bitch" role… the genre of femininity GOP men remember being told to want as boys

Lucidamente1 June 20, 2011 at 9:31 am

What will Rick Perry do when his turn comes?

HistoriCat June 20, 2011 at 9:44 am

Whatever he does, I'm sure he will look fabulous.

June_Cleaver2.0 June 20, 2011 at 10:45 am

Pretend he didn't like it.

zhubajie June 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Last I knew, Iowa had more cow pies than glitter!

Limeylizzie June 20, 2011 at 9:31 am

Don't we have any lesbians on Wonkette? They need to go and throw something more substantial at Michele.

Peace in our time June 20, 2011 at 9:41 am

"They need to go and throw something more substantial at Michele. "

Sensible shoes?

Limeylizzie June 20, 2011 at 10:07 am

Or cats?

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:10 am

When Romney-Bachmann 2012 makes appearances in Portland, Ore., it will be a "two birds, one stone" moment. Throw shoes at 'Chele, trampolines at Willard.

Limeylizzie June 20, 2011 at 10:28 am

Oh Lord, I am with you on the horrible, wonderful, terrifying, hilarious possibility of a Romney/Bachmann ticket.

4TheTurnstiles June 20, 2011 at 10:13 am

Have you ever tried to throw a Subaru with two purebred Akitas and a case of organic tempeh at someone? It takes more than just a little stone butch.

finallyhappy June 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm

so stereotypical! My lesbian neighbors have a mutt, grill burgers and have a Toyota. Damn that ghey lifestyle- always changing

CapeClod June 20, 2011 at 10:13 am

They could have thrown water, and watched her melt.

LowProfileinGA June 20, 2011 at 10:18 am

We are all lesbians now!

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:32 am

I wish.

Lascauxcaveman June 20, 2011 at 11:05 am

Help! I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

mormos June 20, 2011 at 11:50 am

they have corrective surgery for that

JustPixelz June 20, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Me too! But I don't feel trapped. My inner lesbian can escape whenever it's asked. Or talked to. Or smiled at. Or ignored completely.

baconzgood June 20, 2011 at 9:32 am

"You can run but you can't hide" ? How fucking lame is that? How about yelling "sic semper stultus lamia".

skoalrebel June 20, 2011 at 9:37 am

You need an ablative construction there [spit!] Plus, you have problems with gender agreement. It would be better to go with "Sic semper stultis lamiis"

baconzgood June 20, 2011 at 9:40 am

It's been a while since I've done dead languages. I got a D in college because the professer felt sorry for me. (I had to use the crutch of google translate).

not that Dewey June 20, 2011 at 10:52 am

a. you just got schooled in latin by FUCKING SKOALREBEL hahahahaha
b. "sic semper stultus labia"

We're talking about lesbians, right?

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Not surprising. Didn't John Wilkes Booth screech Latin after shooting Lincoln?

SarcasticNymph June 21, 2011 at 3:12 pm

This is obvs. fake Skoalrebel, who has been posting lately.

Peace in our time June 20, 2011 at 9:43 am

"you have problems with gender agreement. "

Don't we all?

mormos June 20, 2011 at 11:51 am

you vastly overestimate the collective intelligence in that room

natoslug June 20, 2011 at 12:17 pm

"Sick fucking stupid cunt" rolls off the tongue a bit easier for those of us who are Latin-deficient. Or, in honour of Limey Lizzie, make it "dozy cunt."

Captain_Quark June 20, 2011 at 9:33 am

Will they glitter bomb Santorum, or do activists plan to fling santorum at the man?

starfanglednut June 21, 2011 at 4:14 am

Santorum first, so the glitter will stick.

Eeew. i just completely grossed myself out.

SorosBot June 20, 2011 at 9:36 am

If Queen Sarah gets glitter-bombed, she'll probably insist the protester be arrested and charged with attempted murder.

Pragmatist2 June 20, 2011 at 9:37 am

Didn't she throw a glitter bomb at George W? or was that a lip lock? I can't remember.

Peace in our time June 20, 2011 at 9:44 am

Condi threw a hip lock at W.

PuckStopsHere June 20, 2011 at 9:41 am

I'm not saying she's just some faggot's beard (sorry to use that term but this "I can cure you but I can't cure myself" in-the-closet charlatan deserves it) but it wouldn't it make more sense to spray Shelly with shaving cream?

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Oh, she's *definitely* a beard. She just doesn't know it. Or maybe she does.

Sue4466 June 20, 2011 at 9:46 am

So now she has proof lesbians are scary. That bathroom incident was just a warning.

(http://wonkette.com/447761/michele-bachmann-nearly-eaten-by-lesbians-in-2005#IDComment163298217)

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

"This is a warning. Step away from the gays dais, the dais is protected by scissors Viper".

Beowoof June 20, 2011 at 9:47 am

I am sure with Michele's husband she is glittered on a regular basis by him and his "friends".

El Pinche June 20, 2011 at 10:48 am

Michele's husband is not a conservative (straight)?

JustPixelz June 20, 2011 at 11:44 am

"…Michele's fabulous</> husband…"

- fixed

MLHencken June 20, 2011 at 9:51 am

Next time she will just use her foster children as a barrier to block/catch the glitter.

I have to wonder though, how much this sort of thing really helps their cause.

MooseDroppings June 20, 2011 at 9:52 am

How about throwing some yellow tinkle instead of pink sprinkles.

ganmerlad June 20, 2011 at 9:57 am

Huckabee wants glitter bombers to be arrested for assault. http://www.mediaite.com/tv/mike-huckabee-presiden

I am glad I am not a republican. I imagine having a stick up one's ass is really uncomfortable.

weejee June 20, 2011 at 10:11 am

Barry should put out a contact for Predator glitter bombs.

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:37 am

Have Rip Torn lead the new Drone offensive against AQAP (Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula). Confetti the hell out of them.

Pop_Socket June 20, 2011 at 10:16 am

When glitter is outlawed, only outlaws will be fabulous.

JustPixelz June 20, 2011 at 11:49 am

I kinda agree with Huckleberry. When you're in public and someone throws something at you, it's only funny later. At the time you don't know if the glitter has some toxin — like insecticide — mixed in or if the thrower is another Jared Loughner. Plus it's rude.

mormos June 20, 2011 at 11:55 am

"Plus it's rude"

so is denying basic human rights

ganmerlad June 20, 2011 at 12:04 pm

You mean suicide glitter bombing? Yeah, that would be bad.

Gleem_McShineys June 20, 2011 at 3:52 pm

At the time you don't know if the glitter has some toxin — like insecticide — mixed in or if the thrower is another Jared Loughner.

I dunno, how about we worry about that kind of thing … IF it ever happens.

Wasn't there some famous Founder guy saying something-something-words about trading liberty for security?

I agree with you and the Huckalump though, I think they should go ahead and try to prosecute these criminally, but for different reasons than the terroristical danger horn honk.

1. Convictions are hardly guaranteed, especially if there's a jury involved. Tough sell on the "battery" quotient of sparkly stuff.

2. As history is shown, the tried-and-true kind of iron-fister applications of "extreme law and order" always turns out well for those employing the firehoses and dogs, against those who want equality, right?

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 8:30 am

What an elitist! If someone were to spray him with urine from a squirt gun, wouldn't that be protected by the 2d amendment?

jus_wonderin June 20, 2011 at 10:00 am

Accounts conflict as to when glitter was invented—some say 1934 and others shortly after World War II.

Weenus299 June 20, 2011 at 10:03 am

They need to stop with the glitter and continue with rat poison or boric acid.

Weenus299 June 20, 2011 at 10:09 am

Glitter wouldn't work in this scenario. Making her rival Lady Gaga is not what is needed. The personal items of unemployed workers in Minnesota would help. Or maybe some faint hint of witch trials and paranoia, of which she is a champion.

politics_nerd June 20, 2011 at 10:11 am

Please Google: Why isn't Wall Street in Jail.

Thanks in advance.

Also Google: The Real Housewives of Wall Street.

I will be selling pitchforks and torches on ebay later this afternoon. Thanks for bidding!

Monsieur_Grumpe June 20, 2011 at 10:20 am

There is one good that has come from Michelle running for POTUS. She has ended her reelection campaign for representative here in Minnesota.

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 8:31 am

But who else will her district elect? Someone else they want to force to leave town?

Pop_Socket June 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

Some call Bachmann Princess Sparkle Pony (oblivious to our own occasional contributor of the same name) and I guess her glitter invulnerability proves it to be true.

Barb June 20, 2011 at 10:38 am

Hey Enola Gay! The glitter bombs aren't working. Rethink your strategy more like "Ebola gay" Recruit some monkeys for the cause. They love to fling their filth and they are little germ machines, much like the children Michelle would like to stop you from adopting and giving loving homes.

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:38 am

That was Werner von Braun's last, never-completed project for the V2 programme.

neiltheblaze June 20, 2011 at 10:39 am

I liked the whole cream pie thing better than the glitter – which is just a big boatload of wimpy. The cream pies make the victims look more ridiculous, and it messes with their photo op better.

weejee June 20, 2011 at 10:47 am

Maybe combine your idea with Barb's

Instead of "mit schlag" go with "schlag mit ebola".

Maman June 20, 2011 at 10:44 am

I get the feeling that Mittens is going to glitter himself so he doesn't look too Taxachusetts-Gay friendly.

DahBoner June 20, 2011 at 10:47 am

Democrats need to hire some crazy women from a State hospital, so they can practice "debating" Michelle…

Monsieur_Grumpe June 20, 2011 at 10:55 am

Is the cat lady from the Simpsons available?

weejee June 20, 2011 at 10:59 am

Casey Anthony?

Too soon?

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 11:27 am

Also would have accepted the future ex Mrs John Ramsey, Beth Holloway Twitty.

Negropolis June 21, 2011 at 12:02 am

Silly, there aren't any state hospitals left thanks to Ronnie.

starfanglednut June 21, 2011 at 4:18 am

Hey, why are you insulting ladies from state hospitals?

jus_wonderin June 20, 2011 at 10:53 am

I am getting the image of a Pinata.

dailyworldwatch June 20, 2011 at 11:12 am

No shoe throwing? BLEH…

Guppy06 June 20, 2011 at 11:28 am

Now if only the gays can figure out how to use the ballot box…

user-of-owls June 20, 2011 at 11:48 am

Well, it does involve stuffing something into a slot, so I'm optimistic.

mormos June 20, 2011 at 12:03 pm

we do vote, a lot. The problem is we only constitute 2-5% of the population, and a good percentage of that are not voting age. We are an extreme minority with not a lot of voting power. Minorities are supposed to be protected in this country but we all know what a fucking joke that is.

EDIT: The battle for the hearts and minds of a people is never easy. Fear is effortless, and bogeymen make powerful tools.

Guppy06 June 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of those enlightened queer individuals who said in '10 "The Democratic Congress hasn't done anything for gay rights! I'll teach them a lesson and vote Republican!"

Noman June 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm

"The problem is we only constitute 2-5% of the population, and a good percentage of that are not voting age."

A good percentage of all Americans are not of voting age.

Do we have reason to believe that gays are underrepresented when it comes to voting? On the contrary, I believe that gays are probably very well represented among the voting public, because of the discrimination they have experienced and continue to experience and because of the gay community's long-standing tradition of being organized and politically active.

AJWjr. June 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

You're not recruiting enough, obvs.

mavenmaven June 20, 2011 at 11:36 am

Seems a bit lame given that Bachmann's team is using live ammunition.

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Her mouth does not constitute live ammunition. Besides, with any luck she'll manage to convince her idiot mob to do that whole wrist-slitting blood-brotherhood thing and they'll all expire in a large, sticky pool of bodily fluids. Eugh, why am I even thinking about this?

DaRooster June 20, 2011 at 11:43 am

Best. Picture. Of. Her. Ever!

It really captures her… essence?

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Especially that nifty little jacket.

Steverino247 June 20, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Glitter on the mattress
Glitter on the highway
Glitter on the front porch
Glitter on the hallway

The Nut Shack, baby!

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] June 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

The fact that Krazee Eyes is being considered by the MSM as a serious contender for the nomination, at least this month – last month it was childrens' pizza mascot, Godfather Q. McPizza – makes me want to dump glitter all over the fucking CNN Center.

carlgt1 June 20, 2011 at 3:47 pm

based on the other story of Michelle trapped in the bathroom with the gays, I'm surprised she didn't screech this was a terrorist attack!

Peace in our time June 20, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I dunno. She was busy watching Ozzie & Harriet reruns.

finallyhappy June 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm

How is throwing glitter/confetti a crime? When someone is nominated at the convention- won't lots of confetti/glitter/streamers come down from the ceiling??

SilverFox June 20, 2011 at 5:31 pm

of course they're a little low on their sparkle fuel these days. that'll happen after pride parade season.

zhubajie June 20, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I always hoped he was having 3-somes with Laura, Condi and Mrs Choi from Commerce!

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Hai-ya! Pu dai hao le.

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 8:00 am

Ni zhu zai zhong guo ma?

C_R_Eature June 20, 2011 at 8:34 pm

That woman was just deploying Chaff, to confuse the RADAR- directed Lesbian to Airhead missiles.

Geeze, you try to help somebody…

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] June 20, 2011 at 8:56 pm

I see Downfisty was let out of his playpen for a few hours.

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 9:07 pm

I've finally figured out why all these GOP shites have those KrayZEyez: surgery. They've had their lids lifted to make them look young and perky, despite the fact that every last one of them is a rapidly-aging twat. The side effect (since the cheap bastards won't pay for a decent surgeon) is the patented KrayZEyez(tm) Look of Callista Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, etc.

realmurkin June 21, 2011 at 1:53 am

Yeah, it totally looks like they've had shitty eyelid/brow lifts. But Callista should have had the money to see someone competent! I guess plastic surgeons must not give out interest-free charge accounts.

Negropolis June 20, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Did I inadvertently call this or what? I was musing last friday about how great it'd be to see her get glitter-bombed. I wanted her to be seated, though, and go all 21st century-Carrie on us. Meh, there will be other times for this, maybe even some pig's blood.

zhubajie June 21, 2011 at 8:27 am
EatsBabyDingos June 21, 2011 at 11:36 am

I wonder if Michele paid the tax on that Norquist Rinoskin jacket.

zhubajie June 22, 2011 at 2:46 am

Wo shi meiguo ren ye zhu zai zhong guo — kunming shi, yunnan sheng. Ni ne?

PristineODummy June 22, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Wo shi Malaiguo ren, le.

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:31 am

We all know the GOP is going to nominated Romney. It's his time. The power-brokers — pointedly: not the TEA Party, not the Fundies, but "the Money" — won't have it any other way. But have to throw that bone to the first two.

Peace in our time June 20, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Who will be on top?

zhubajie June 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm

A Lutheran Fundie and a Liberal Mormon?

Limeylizzie June 20, 2011 at 10:37 am

OT but maybe not really…—————————————-Breaking News Alert: Supreme Court sides with Wal-Mart in major sex-discrimination caseJune 20, 2011 10:31:42 AM—————————————-The Supreme Court has ruled for Wal-Mart in its fight to block a massive sex discrimination lawsuit on behalf of women who work there.The court ruled unanimously Monday that the lawsuit against Wal-Mart Stores Inc. cannot proceed as a class action, reversing a decision by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals inSan Francisco. The lawsuit could have involved up to 1.6 million women, with Wal-Mart facing potentially billions of dollars in damages.http://link.email.washingtonpost.com/r/YLCS8G/JIFOCF/4RH5N/VDOEY1/RXHBG/FW/hFor more information, visitwashingtonpost.com

freakishlywrong June 20, 2011 at 10:42 am

This is just one of them many reasons I can't bring myself to go any where near a Wal-Mart. That, and they depress the living shit outta me.

Barb June 20, 2011 at 10:49 am

More OT stuff, Lizzie.
Bristol Palin writes that she drank wine coolers and awoke to her virginity being lost and having no memory of it. I knew she was going to play the "date rape" card to look more like a victim.

Also, John McCain blames the Arizona wildfires on the "illegals" They did it to "keep warm" (in 104 degree temps)

I'm sending the stories in to Jr and I don't see them being posted.

SorosBot June 20, 2011 at 10:53 am

Maddening, but completely unsurprising with our current Supreme Court, with five justices who will always side with corporate power against the workers or consumers, regardless of what the law actually says.

Callyson June 20, 2011 at 11:15 am

Now I feel ill. But thanks for reminding me why I NEVER shop at Sprawl Mart.
Always low wages. Always.

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 10:57 am

If she's going to do that, then I want ex-hockey-player Levi to use the "post-concussion syndrome" card.

Brissy just needs to face it: they both wanted some, they both got some; unfortunately, her mother never told her about condoms. (& Levi was too lazy to wear one; let's not forget that.)

PsycWench June 20, 2011 at 11:11 am

How did she know it was lost? Did it leave a note?

Peace in our time June 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

"Bristol Palin writes that she drank wine coolers and awoke to her virginity being lost and having no memory of it."

That's why we need to put GPS chips in those darn things!

horsedreamer_1 June 20, 2011 at 11:26 am

She still has the box it came in.

mormos June 20, 2011 at 11:48 am

oh I'm sorry, you thought the justice system was about justice?

JustPixelz June 20, 2011 at 11:55 am

Funny. I can't bring myself to go anywhere near the Supreme Court or any other whites-only (plus one latina) organization.

HELisforHEL June 20, 2011 at 1:18 pm

With you there. I have a running fantasy of loading my local shithole MaoMart with C4 and in the middle of the night turning it into the biggest fireworks display of the year. But that would require entering it, and I can't bring myself to do that.

Peace in our time June 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

The justice system is about employment for attorneys.

http://wonkette.com/447917/michele-bachmann-joins

PristineODummy June 20, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Or you could just be Catholic, because everybody knows Catholic girls' hymens are hooked up to a buzzer in the Vatican, and when you prang one, a team of Jesuit assassins parachutes down on ya and garottes ya with their rosaries. No?

Negropolis June 20, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Ooo, you're bad. You're REAL bad.

not that Dewey June 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I'm not convinced that Real Skoalrebel is not also actually Fake Skoalrebel. They both seem like finely-honed performance art.

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