my anti-gay force field is stronger than yoursWhen Michele Bachmann pictures the minions of Satan come to antagonize her for her rabid anti-gay views, does she picture shrieking hippie ladies with glitter? Yeah, that sounds about right. There is an interesting mirror quality to it, no? Bachmann was crossing a stage at the RightOnline forum in Minneapolis when a gay rights activist came at her with a handful of glitter. However, Michele walked through this terrible gauntlet of devil fury relatively unscathed because satan’s minions appear a little low on their sparkle fuel lately. Tim Pawlenty and Newt Gingrich were first to start the exclusive glitter-bomb club, but they got “glittered” a hell of a lot more, probably because their force field of anti-gay hate was impure. Michele will always win on that one. Watch the video after the jump:

Alright, “three’s a trend.” Where is our New York Times “glitter bombing replaces the sit-in”┬átrend piece? [CityPages]

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  • DaSandman

    Judging from the videos of the happy couple together, Michelle's husband, "the ghey fixer" would probably appreciate the glitter more.

    Fathoms deep are the closets of the Rethugs…

  • I've said this before and seen it suggested elsewhere, but getting 'glittered' needs to become the next Santorum type neologism. I suggest something involving bukkake, to horrify the midwesterners.

    • MildMidwesterner

      Horrify…. or titillate?

      Getting glittered will put the "o" in Iowa.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Everyone knows Cumming, Iowa, is America's G-spot.

  • x111e7thst

    If she caught some ghey from that glitter I'm sure Dr Marcus would be able to pray it away.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I read that as "Mr Marcus", first time thru, & lollered.


  • OldWiseWizard

    I know it would lack the poetry of glitter but these would be way better if they spit out poison mist like The Great Muta:

  • My god!
    Michele just walked through the glitter like it was nothing!
    She’s not human!

    • It seemed to only make her stronger?

    • Serolf_Divad

      Glitter bombs, like Jedi mind tricks, only work on the weak willed… and the sane*.

      *Please note: Newt Gingrich is a despicable demagogue, but he's not clinically insane like our beloved Michelle Bachmann.

      • iburl

        I'll need some proof that Newt is not clinically insane.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Of the conservative media darlings, Newt and Sarah Palin aren't insane. Just a couple of carnival barkers marginally more clever than the rubes they're fleecing.

        • mormos

          that tiffany's scam he pulled could only be done by a cold calculating lizard person, not a foaming lunatic.

    • jus_wonderin

      Her carbon steel endoskelton is impervious to glitter. What is not well known is she whispered (under her breath) "I'll be back".

  • Frost/Nixon/Robocop

    They're not listening. Time to start throwing dildos.

    • Allmighty_Manos

      Or full on tar and feathering. That might require more work though.

    • freakishlywrong

      Santorum filled pies would get the message out as well..

      • PristineODummy

        Ah, yeah, you got anyone in mind for the scut work here? Yaknow, collecting the santorum, filling the pies with it — do you have to bake them too?

    • elviouslyqueer

      No no. They'll just make Michele mad because of the strange effect the sight of them has in her hubby's trousers.

      • PristineODummy

        Hon, she hasn't seen the inside of those trous since her last kid was birthed a couple of decades and a half ago. No wonder she has to compensate by selling EagleForumPornVideos of herself vacuuming in high heels.

    • PristineODummy

      After popping five kids, her MotherHole is immune to dildos, baby. You're gonna need something from Cape Canaveral to put a smile on Mishmash's face.

  • CapeClod

    A woman with 30 children is not going to be deterred by glitter.

    • 30 KIDS!

      Leave 'ER alone! All you guys want is just moar moar moar moar MOAR! She's a euuuman!!!

    • Negropolis

      I don't know why, but that's the funniest thing I've read in many moons.

    • zhubajie

      You don't suppose she does the work herself, do you? Messican illegals probably tend the human cattle!

    • Buckminster

      How about some glitter-glue so it will stick to her expensive ensemble?

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Sorry, but if it doesn't actually involve getting a full box of glitter dumped on the target's head along with a nice shot of "WTF" facial expression, your gitter bomb ain't ready for prime time.

  • ganmerlad

    The glitter didn't help one bit. She's still a giant pile of negativity. Time to bring on the confetti.

  • horsedreamer_1

    True Glit.

    • cheetojeebus

      "There will be Glitter"

    • baconzgood


    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      The Shinying

    • not that Dewey

      or, "How I learned to stop worrying and love the Bomb"

    • Lascauxcaveman

      My favorite line from that movie was when the lesbian activist said, "I wish I knew how to glit-her."

  • FraAnima

    They should have wrapped the glitter in 6 inches of concrete before throwing it at her. Now THAT would have done some good.

    • HELisforHEL

      Oh, I like that idea. Very very good.

  • You can't stop Mothra with a handful of glitter.

    • zhubajie

      Michele is no where near as benevolent as Mothra; more like one of the monsters Mothra rescues people from!

  • freakishlywrong

    I think the geys need something a little more forceful, (and less gay), than glitter. I propose hurling Dan Choi at all these haters. That'll show em'!

  • It's over for Sarah now, by the way. One L Michele is just better at the "I'll Be Your Bitch" role… the genre of femininity GOP men remember being told to want as boys

  • Lucidamente1

    What will Rick Perry do when his turn comes?

    • HistoriCat

      Whatever he does, I'm sure he will look fabulous.

    • June_Cleaver2.0

      Pretend he didn't like it.

    • zhubajie

      Last I knew, Iowa had more cow pies than glitter!

  • Limeylizzie

    Don't we have any lesbians on Wonkette? They need to go and throw something more substantial at Michele.

    • Peace in our time

      "They need to go and throw something more substantial at Michele. "

      Sensible shoes?

      • Limeylizzie

        Or cats?

        • horsedreamer_1

          When Romney-Bachmann 2012 makes appearances in Portland, Ore., it will be a "two birds, one stone" moment. Throw shoes at 'Chele, trampolines at Willard.

          • Limeylizzie

            Oh Lord, I am with you on the horrible, wonderful, terrifying, hilarious possibility of a Romney/Bachmann ticket.

          • horsedreamer_1

            We all know the GOP is going to nominated Romney. It's his time. The power-brokers — pointedly: not the TEA Party, not the Fundies, but "the Money" — won't have it any other way. But have to throw that bone to the first two.

          • Limeylizzie

            OT but maybe not really…—————————————-Breaking News Alert: Supreme Court sides with Wal-Mart in major sex-discrimination caseJune 20, 2011 10:31:42 AM—————————————-The Supreme Court has ruled for Wal-Mart in its fight to block a massive sex discrimination lawsuit on behalf of women who work there.The court ruled unanimously Monday that the lawsuit against Wal-Mart Stores Inc. cannot proceed as a class action, reversing a decision by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals inSan Francisco. The lawsuit could have involved up to 1.6 million women, with Wal-Mart facing potentially billions of dollars in damages. more information,

          • freakishlywrong

            This is just one of them many reasons I can't bring myself to go any where near a Wal-Mart. That, and they depress the living shit outta me.

          • Funny. I can't bring myself to go anywhere near the Supreme Court or any other whites-only (plus one latina) organization.

          • HELisforHEL

            With you there. I have a running fantasy of loading my local shithole MaoMart with C4 and in the middle of the night turning it into the biggest fireworks display of the year. But that would require entering it, and I can't bring myself to do that.

          • Barb

            More OT stuff, Lizzie.
            Bristol Palin writes that she drank wine coolers and awoke to her virginity being lost and having no memory of it. I knew she was going to play the "date rape" card to look more like a victim.

            Also, John McCain blames the Arizona wildfires on the "illegals" They did it to "keep warm" (in 104 degree temps)

            I'm sending the stories in to Jr and I don't see them being posted.

          • horsedreamer_1

            If she's going to do that, then I want ex-hockey-player Levi to use the "post-concussion syndrome" card.

            Brissy just needs to face it: they both wanted some, they both got some; unfortunately, her mother never told her about condoms. (& Levi was too lazy to wear one; let's not forget that.)

          • PsycWench

            How did she know it was lost? Did it leave a note?

          • horsedreamer_1

            She still has the box it came in.

          • Negropolis

            Ooo, you're bad. You're REAL bad.

          • Peace in our time

            "Bristol Palin writes that she drank wine coolers and awoke to her virginity being lost and having no memory of it."

            That's why we need to put GPS chips in those darn things!

          • PristineODummy

            Or you could just be Catholic, because everybody knows Catholic girls' hymens are hooked up to a buzzer in the Vatican, and when you prang one, a team of Jesuit assassins parachutes down on ya and garottes ya with their rosaries. No?

          • SorosBot

            Maddening, but completely unsurprising with our current Supreme Court, with five justices who will always side with corporate power against the workers or consumers, regardless of what the law actually says.

          • mormos

            oh I'm sorry, you thought the justice system was about justice?

          • Peace in our time

            The justice system is about employment for attorneys.


          • Callyson

            Now I feel ill. But thanks for reminding me why I NEVER shop at Sprawl Mart.
            Always low wages. Always.

          • Peace in our time

            Who will be on top?

          • zhubajie

            A Lutheran Fundie and a Liberal Mormon?

    • Have you ever tried to throw a Subaru with two purebred Akitas and a case of organic tempeh at someone? It takes more than just a little stone butch.

      • finallyhappy

        so stereotypical! My lesbian neighbors have a mutt, grill burgers and have a Toyota. Damn that ghey lifestyle- always changing

    • CapeClod

      They could have thrown water, and watched her melt.

    • LowProfileinGA

      We are all lesbians now!

      • horsedreamer_1

        I wish.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Help! I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

        • mormos

          they have corrective surgery for that

        • Me too! But I don't feel trapped. My inner lesbian can escape whenever it's asked. Or talked to. Or smiled at. Or ignored completely.

  • baconzgood

    "You can run but you can't hide" ? How fucking lame is that? How about yelling "sic semper stultus lamia".

    • skoalrebel

      You need an ablative construction there [spit!] Plus, you have problems with gender agreement. It would be better to go with "Sic semper stultis lamiis"

      • baconzgood

        It's been a while since I've done dead languages. I got a D in college because the professer felt sorry for me. (I had to use the crutch of google translate).

        • not that Dewey

          a. you just got schooled in latin by FUCKING SKOALREBEL hahahahaha
          b. "sic semper stultus labia"

          We're talking about lesbians, right?

          • horsedreamer_1

            Not surprising. Didn't John Wilkes Booth screech Latin after shooting Lincoln?

          • SarcasticNymph

            This is obvs. fake Skoalrebel, who has been posting lately.

          • not that Dewey

            I'm not convinced that Real Skoalrebel is not also actually Fake Skoalrebel. They both seem like finely-honed performance art.

      • Peace in our time

        "you have problems with gender agreement. "

        Don't we all?

    • mormos

      you vastly overestimate the collective intelligence in that room

    • "Sick fucking stupid cunt" rolls off the tongue a bit easier for those of us who are Latin-deficient. Or, in honour of Limey Lizzie, make it "dozy cunt."

  • Captain_Quark

    Will they glitter bomb Santorum, or do activists plan to fling santorum at the man?

    • Santorum first, so the glitter will stick.

      Eeew. i just completely grossed myself out.

  • SorosBot

    If Queen Sarah gets glitter-bombed, she'll probably insist the protester be arrested and charged with attempted murder.

  • Pragmatist2

    Didn't she throw a glitter bomb at George W? or was that a lip lock? I can't remember.

    • Peace in our time

      Condi threw a hip lock at W.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I'm not saying she's just some faggot's beard (sorry to use that term but this "I can cure you but I can't cure myself" in-the-closet charlatan deserves it) but it wouldn't it make more sense to spray Shelly with shaving cream?

    • PristineODummy

      Oh, she's *definitely* a beard. She just doesn't know it. Or maybe she does.

  • Sue4466

    So now she has proof lesbians are scary. That bathroom incident was just a warning.


    • horsedreamer_1

      "This is a warning. Step away from the gays dais, the dais is protected by scissors Viper".

  • Beowoof

    I am sure with Michele's husband she is glittered on a regular basis by him and his "friends".

    • El Pinche

      Michele's husband is not a conservative (straight)?

    • "…Michele's fabulous</> husband…"

      – fixed

  • Next time she will just use her foster children as a barrier to block/catch the glitter.

    I have to wonder though, how much this sort of thing really helps their cause.

  • How about throwing some yellow tinkle instead of pink sprinkles.

  • ganmerlad

    Huckabee wants glitter bombers to be arrested for assault.

    I am glad I am not a republican. I imagine having a stick up one's ass is really uncomfortable.

    • Barry should put out a contact for Predator glitter bombs.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Have Rip Torn lead the new Drone offensive against AQAP (Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula). Confetti the hell out of them.

    • When glitter is outlawed, only outlaws will be fabulous.

    • I kinda agree with Huckleberry. When you're in public and someone throws something at you, it's only funny later. At the time you don't know if the glitter has some toxin — like insecticide — mixed in or if the thrower is another Jared Loughner. Plus it's rude.

      • mormos

        "Plus it's rude"

        so is denying basic human rights

      • ganmerlad

        You mean suicide glitter bombing? Yeah, that would be bad.

      • At the time you don't know if the glitter has some toxin — like insecticide — mixed in or if the thrower is another Jared Loughner.

        I dunno, how about we worry about that kind of thing … IF it ever happens.

        Wasn't there some famous Founder guy saying something-something-words about trading liberty for security?

        I agree with you and the Huckalump though, I think they should go ahead and try to prosecute these criminally, but for different reasons than the terroristical danger horn honk.

        1. Convictions are hardly guaranteed, especially if there's a jury involved. Tough sell on the "battery" quotient of sparkly stuff.

        2. As history is shown, the tried-and-true kind of iron-fister applications of "extreme law and order" always turns out well for those employing the firehoses and dogs, against those who want equality, right?

    • zhubajie

      What an elitist! If someone were to spray him with urine from a squirt gun, wouldn't that be protected by the 2d amendment?

  • jus_wonderin

    Accounts conflict as to when glitter was invented—some say 1934 and others shortly after World War II.

  • Weenus299

    They need to stop with the glitter and continue with rat poison or boric acid.

  • Weenus299

    Glitter wouldn't work in this scenario. Making her rival Lady Gaga is not what is needed. The personal items of unemployed workers in Minnesota would help. Or maybe some faint hint of witch trials and paranoia, of which she is a champion.

  • politics_nerd

    Please Google: Why isn't Wall Street in Jail.

    Thanks in advance.

    Also Google: The Real Housewives of Wall Street.

    I will be selling pitchforks and torches on ebay later this afternoon. Thanks for bidding!

  • There is one good that has come from Michelle running for POTUS. She has ended her reelection campaign for representative here in Minnesota.

    • zhubajie

      But who else will her district elect? Someone else they want to force to leave town?

  • Some call Bachmann Princess Sparkle Pony (oblivious to our own occasional contributor of the same name) and I guess her glitter invulnerability proves it to be true.

  • Barb

    Hey Enola Gay! The glitter bombs aren't working. Rethink your strategy more like "Ebola gay" Recruit some monkeys for the cause. They love to fling their filth and they are little germ machines, much like the children Michelle would like to stop you from adopting and giving loving homes.

  • horsedreamer_1

    That was Werner von Braun's last, never-completed project for the V2 programme.

  • neiltheblaze

    I liked the whole cream pie thing better than the glitter – which is just a big boatload of wimpy. The cream pies make the victims look more ridiculous, and it messes with their photo op better.

    • Maybe combine your idea with Barb's

      Instead of "mit schlag" go with "schlag mit ebola".

  • I get the feeling that Mittens is going to glitter himself so he doesn't look too Taxachusetts-Gay friendly.

  • DahBoner

    Democrats need to hire some crazy women from a State hospital, so they can practice "debating" Michelle…

    • Is the cat lady from the Simpsons available?

    • Casey Anthony?

      Too soon?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Also would have accepted the future ex Mrs John Ramsey, Beth Holloway Twitty.

    • Negropolis

      Silly, there aren't any state hospitals left thanks to Ronnie.

    • Hey, why are you insulting ladies from state hospitals?

  • jus_wonderin

    I am getting the image of a Pinata.

  • No shoe throwing? BLEH…

  • Guppy06

    Now if only the gays can figure out how to use the ballot box…

    • user-of-owls

      Well, it does involve stuffing something into a slot, so I'm optimistic.

    • mormos

      we do vote, a lot. The problem is we only constitute 2-5% of the population, and a good percentage of that are not voting age. We are an extreme minority with not a lot of voting power. Minorities are supposed to be protected in this country but we all know what a fucking joke that is.

      EDIT: The battle for the hearts and minds of a people is never easy. Fear is effortless, and bogeymen make powerful tools.

      • Guppy06

        I was thinking more along the lines of those enlightened queer individuals who said in '10 "The Democratic Congress hasn't done anything for gay rights! I'll teach them a lesson and vote Republican!"

      • Noman

        "The problem is we only constitute 2-5% of the population, and a good percentage of that are not voting age."

        A good percentage of all Americans are not of voting age.

        Do we have reason to believe that gays are underrepresented when it comes to voting? On the contrary, I believe that gays are probably very well represented among the voting public, because of the discrimination they have experienced and continue to experience and because of the gay community's long-standing tradition of being organized and politically active.

    • AJWjr.

      You're not recruiting enough, obvs.

  • mavenmaven

    Seems a bit lame given that Bachmann's team is using live ammunition.

    • PristineODummy

      Her mouth does not constitute live ammunition. Besides, with any luck she'll manage to convince her idiot mob to do that whole wrist-slitting blood-brotherhood thing and they'll all expire in a large, sticky pool of bodily fluids. Eugh, why am I even thinking about this?

  • DaRooster

    Best. Picture. Of. Her. Ever!

    It really captures her… essence?

    • PristineODummy

      Especially that nifty little jacket.

  • Steverino247

    Glitter on the mattress
    Glitter on the highway
    Glitter on the front porch
    Glitter on the hallway

    The Nut Shack, baby!

  • The fact that Krazee Eyes is being considered by the MSM as a serious contender for the nomination, at least this month – last month it was childrens' pizza mascot, Godfather Q. McPizza – makes me want to dump glitter all over the fucking CNN Center.

  • carlgt1

    based on the other story of Michelle trapped in the bathroom with the gays, I'm surprised she didn't screech this was a terrorist attack!

  • Peace in our time

    I dunno. She was busy watching Ozzie & Harriet reruns.

  • finallyhappy

    How is throwing glitter/confetti a crime? When someone is nominated at the convention- won't lots of confetti/glitter/streamers come down from the ceiling??

  • SilverFox

    of course they're a little low on their sparkle fuel these days. that'll happen after pride parade season.

  • zhubajie

    I always hoped he was having 3-somes with Laura, Condi and Mrs Choi from Commerce!

    • PristineODummy

      Hai-ya! Pu dai hao le.

      • zhubajie

        Ni zhu zai zhong guo ma?

  • C_R_Eature

    That woman was just deploying Chaff, to confuse the RADAR- directed Lesbian to Airhead missiles.

    Geeze, you try to help somebody…

  • I see Downfisty was let out of his playpen for a few hours.

  • PristineODummy

    I've finally figured out why all these GOP shites have those KrayZEyez: surgery. They've had their lids lifted to make them look young and perky, despite the fact that every last one of them is a rapidly-aging twat. The side effect (since the cheap bastards won't pay for a decent surgeon) is the patented KrayZEyez(tm) Look of Callista Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, etc.

    • realmurkin

      Yeah, it totally looks like they've had shitty eyelid/brow lifts. But Callista should have had the money to see someone competent! I guess plastic surgeons must not give out interest-free charge accounts.

  • Negropolis

    Did I inadvertently call this or what? I was musing last friday about how great it'd be to see her get glitter-bombed. I wanted her to be seated, though, and go all 21st century-Carrie on us. Meh, there will be other times for this, maybe even some pig's blood.

  • zhubajie
  • EatsBabyDingos

    I wonder if Michele paid the tax on that Norquist Rinoskin jacket.

  • zhubajie

    Wo shi meiguo ren ye zhu zai zhong guo — kunming shi, yunnan sheng. Ni ne?

    • PristineODummy

      Wo shi Malaiguo ren, le.

  • Joseph

    Did they finally mange to get plastic ear tag on her?

  • Joseph

    Some on has to to save the rest of us.

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