polling shocker

‘A Republican’ Higher In Polls Against Obama Than Actual GOP Candidates

what about this guy? he is not a real human.A new Gallup poll shows sad person Barack Obama down by 5 points in a generic matchup with “a Republican” as his opponent, which if there were any Republicans running for president, this would be a problem for Obama. Mitt Romney and everyone else are still losing to Obama in the polls. The American people are now so cynical that the actual fact of being a Republican human running for office makes you less popular than the incumbent human currently busy bombing earth and sending SWAT teams after anti-war activists and student loan defaulters, so everyone would prefer to elect someone who is not a Democrat, and not real.

The GOP is so awful at finding one competent candidate to run for president that if you took all the current candidates and smashed them together Hadron Collider-style to make one terrifying Republican beast with the legs of Herman Cain, the torso of Mitt Romney, the heads of Tim Pawlenty and Michele Bachmann and the hair of Newt Gingrich, you probably still would get something that would elicit a massive, “eh, whatever” from Republican-leaning voters.

From the Daily Caller:

Although 44 percent of respondents said they would vote for a Republican candidate when asked whom they would support in the 2012 election, only 39 percent of participants said they would vote for Obama. Eighteen percent of respondents said they had no opinion.

AND YET:

An NBC/Wall Street Journal poll released on Wednesday, for example, found that Obama would beat Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney, 49 percent to 43 percent.

The NBC/WSJ poll also reported that Obama would win against top-tier contender Tim Pawlenty by 50 percent to 39 percent.

It is still good to know in our hearts, at least, that nearly 1 in 5 Americans still has “no opinion” whatsoever. [Daily Caller]

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227 comments

    1. Swampgas_Man

      Nobody can solve the economic mess.
      Nobody can solve the Middle East crisis.

      As soon as we find someone named "Nobody" or the equivalent, we've got it made!
      VOTE FOR NOBODY!

    1. Jukesgrrl

      I like Zombie Ike! Data analysis shows him to be more liberal than ANY candidate, Republican or Democrat, running in this cycle.

    1. Mahousu

      Well, other than the last year of Woodrow Wilson's term. And the last three or so years of Reagan's.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Edith Wilson was our first woman president. I think Nancy Reagan was our second.

  1. Weenus299

    The waters are getting just right for Pat Buchanan to plunge in. Naked as a jaybird.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Funny, I was thinking the same thing. As in, "what's missing from this lineup?"…

    2. tihond

      If he got the nomination, all of his voters would just end up voting for Gore by accident.

  2. Ducksworthy

    Also, in the latest poll I saw 34% of the Amerikun people represent a massive failure of ou mental health system. Too.

  3. Tundra Grifter

    Given the average age of Fox listeners and viewers, and Tea Baggers in general, that should be "Geriatric" Republican.

  4. OneYieldRegular

    "Republican human"? Kristen. Pu-LEEZ. (Oh, and by the way, I never got a chance to welcome you – so, welcome!).

      1. SorosBot

        Or, according to the article image, Republican cyborg, more machine now than man, twisted and evil.

        1. genxr

          We tried that here in CA. Even after SkyNet went online, he still couldn't balance the budget.

    1. GOPCrusher

      If he's unemployed, how can he afford a Tweeter Machine? Socialist layabout needs to quit sucking on the government teet.

  5. Gopherit

    Once again proving polls are useless because you are deriving your data from the retarded asswipes we call "likely voters".

    1. HobbesEvilTwin

      Not to mention that the people who still use/answer their landlines are not exactly representative. Or I guess they are representative of some sort of subset of luddite retards.

      1. Gleem_McShineys

        Think about it, they're not only Luddite Retards, but they also
        Are Home At The Time Retards
        Don't Screen Their Calls Retards
        Have Time To Take A Phone Poll Retards
        Want To Take A Phone Poll Retards

  6. GuyClinch

    I think this is a fine opportunity for me to run the dead moth that's been on my window-sill for a couple of weeks, with one of my dirty ashtrays as its running mate. Iowa, here we come! Dead Moth/Dirty Ashtray 2012!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Just last night, my cats left two strong candidates for the Republican nom on my Aubusson carpet:

      Front Half of Woodrat / Back Half of Squirrell 2012!

      1. PsycWench

        My neighbors have about eight chickens that wander over to our place for handouts of stale bread and watermelon rinds and they leave offerings of poop and the occasional egg. I'm not sure which one should get the top slot.

        1. Angry_Marmot

          The one highest in the pecking order, with the least number of holes in its head.

          1. PsycWench

            I dunno, one of them reminds me of Michele Bachmann…female, all fluffy, got this crazy eye thing going, and is always late to whatever is going on.

      2. tessiee

        "my cats left two strong candidates for the Republican nom on my Aubusson carpet"

        Check the litter box for Cabinet members.

      1. GuyClinch

        I'm in my Bethesda office right now and there's a stinkbug living on my dusty plant. Just checked and it's not wearing a flag pin, so I'mma squash it. Chinese Stink Bug Commie Muslin Usurper!!!1one!!

      2. catchtheflava

        New York is offering Bed Bug/Cuomo. The bed bug sends its relatives to your home and Cuomo savages the social safety net while you're distracted.

    1. GOPCrusher

      And last election cycle, at this point in time, it was Hillary vs. 9/11 bitch as the shoe-in candidates for the 2008 election.

    1. weejee

      Joe the Plumber or Zombie Stalin? Long form birth certificate on the latter might be difficult, but as Obama has shown not impossible.

    2. horsedreamer_1

      Think about it: Gore-Liebermann, Kerry-Edwards, Mc Cain-Palin. I say all three men were more damaged by Viet Nam service than any of us knew. (Well, except in the case of WALNUTS!) Only PTSD can explain those VP picks.

  7. orygoon

    I don't have any idea what actual republicans are "thinking", but I myself have been waxing nostalgic for Fred Thompson lately. His "candidacy" was just riveting.

    1. neiltheblaze

      I don't know – in 2008 none of the Republican voters could seem to handle the sheer kinetic electricity of his debate performances.

      1. finallyhappy

        It pisses me off how many "actors" sell crap like this. Those awful insurance policies(although Union Fidelity – a crap company-provided me with good summer work for 3 summers in the early 70's- $2 an hour was good pay- really), the reverse mortgages, and free Diabetes supplies(and how does that work??)

    2. tessiee

      "I myself have been waxing nostalgic for Fred Thompson lately"

      Homer Simpson: All of you Republican candidates get out of my house! And that means you, too, Fred Thompson! I see you hiding behind that plant!
      Fred (pleadingly): But I was in "Die Hard".
      Homer (with scornful emphasis): "Die Hard TWO"!

  8. KeepFnThatChicken

    Does the Michelle Bachmann head eat lesbians? I know the Pawlenty one won't.

  9. PeaceWithHonor

    The generic Republican has a jobs plan, doesn't want to gut Medicare and can have an actual conversation with people without being painfully awkward, changing the subject or running away.

    1. CapeClod

      The generic Republican doesn't taunt unemployed people by making jokes about how his vast wealth means he doesn't have to work and is thus unemployed just like them. Also.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      I believe you're confusing the "generic Republican" with the "mythological Republican."

  10. genxr

    Generic Republican is awesome. Generic Republican can lower taxes, balance the budget, get government out of my way, keep us safe and secure, and make us feel good about ourselves. There is nothing Generic Republican can't do.

    Obama doesn't stand a chance against Generic Republican.

        1. MissusBarry

          I really don't know your preferred directionality for fisting. I hope the upfist doesn't offend.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          Thorazine for all those with Hoveround tendencies … hashish with a champagne chaser for the Wonkeratti.

        2. tessiee

          "Opium, for you old fashioned (fascist?) Marxists? "

          Religion is the opiate of the masses, but opium works, too.

  11. metamarcisf

    "When you clock the human race with the stopwatch of history, it's a new record every time." – Richard Nixon

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      The robot president from I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus that sounds like Nixon on downers:

      "The main spring of this country, wound up as tight as it is, is guaranteed for the life of the watch and who’s watching? People like you *Jim* and you *Barney honk* people who are alerted and unafraid to waste the little time that I have scheduled for your question."

  12. Sue4466

    What are the odds that the same folks who have no opinion on the presidential election are part of the 20% who believe Elvis is alive, we didn't land on the moon, and the devil is real (and is Obama)?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      The same ones who believed reading My Pet Goat was an appropriate response to the twin towers falling and clearing brush was an appropriate response to Hurricane Katrina.

  13. Rotundo_

    The problem with the poll is the nature of the Republican party: When you actually look at what they propose as individual candidates, they suck mightily. To know, know, know them is to loathe, loathe, loathe them and we do.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Ah, but who votes based on policies? I'm banking on my sister-in-law's theory … people vote for the candidate with the most attractive eyebrows.

    2. OhNoGuy

      I think a lot of folks are ready to vote for a hot lead enema. A word to the wise, it's too late to clench when the funnel is in your butt.

  14. Mort_Sinclair

    What I would give to see walking dead thing Dick Cheney run against Obama. Remember the good ol' days when the veep went around shooting people in the face? Heady days, those…..

    1. PubOption

      Is Cheney still eligible, or does his mechanical heart mean that he is no longer a natural person?

  15. Doktor Zoom

    I suppose it's worth mentioning that the "student loan SWAT Team" thing was seriously misreported–it wasn't a SWAT team, and it wasn't about a student loan default. Happily, they're saving the SWAT teams for those dangerous pot smokers.

  16. Chillwaver

    "The NBC/WSJ poll also reported that Obama would win against top-tier contender Tim Pawlenty by 50 percent to 39 percent."

    Barry is in big trouble if he's only beating T-Paw by 11 pts.

      1. Chillwaver

        My favorite part of the debate was when T-Paw didn't have the guts to back up his "Obamneycare" comments when asked. T-Paw: No dick, no balls.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Remember, we're talking about the people who voted for Palin because they liked her glasses.

  17. horsedreamer_1

    With Obama drawing 39% against "Brand Generic" GOP, but 49 against Omney & 50 in front of Gov. Autotune, it just means that between five & ten percent of poll respondents consider Obama a Republican. Nader — & Ken Layne! — were right!

    As well, a piddling number, maybe one percent, don't consider Mittens & T-Paw Republicans. RINOS!

  18. skoalrebel

    I'm forming an exploratory committee to test the waters for a presidential bid. I'm a true American and a real Republican, which means I'm already ahead of Obama in the polls. [spit!] Let's get ready to rumble, America! Game On! USA! USA!

    1. ThundercatHo

      Do you have a jacked-up truck? Is it camo? How many guns do you own? (Just a little debate prep for ya)

      1. skoalrebel

        Fuck, yeah, the truck's jacked up [spit!] And I did the camo paint job myself, with a little help from my cousin Jimmy. I'll bring two of my five rifles to the debate, along with my trusty Colt revolver. I'm so fuckin' ready, man. Totally fuckin' ready for action.

        1. BlueStateLibel

          But do you have any embarassing divorces in your background? It seems to be something necessary to run as GeeOPeer these days. I think you need at least two ex-wives.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      I'm ready to vote for you. Sign me up. But…I'm concerned about some of the things you and your buddies do out in the shed with sheep? Is that going to be a problem? Or will that give you some real street cred with the typical Republican voter?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      I used to hate the olds who voted only in their own financial interest. Today, I see them as the Maginot Line against the destruction of all social programs.

  19. Mumbletypeg

    Repubs are overlooking the ultimate entertainment factor. If politicians had a clue, they would get on Dancing With the Stars prior to commencing that arc into presidential territory. Enough voters confuse watchability/ star appeal with presidential potential that it couldn't go wrong? — unless we really have devolved into a nation of ass-backward thickwits who place redemptive value on has-been and ignominus alike just for the sake of "I like a good comeback kid story!"..

  20. MissusBarry

    I think it needs to be a video. I, for one, want to see actual magic…as long as they don't disappear. Ew.

    1. SmutBoffin

      "Guns don't kill jobs…"

      'Course not! In many cases, like workplace shootings, they actually open up new positions!

    2. UpFistTroll

      And yet every single actual candidate loses when put up against Obama. Which means that your pathetic little shitstains on the ticket aren't even good enough to be called generic Republicans, which is sort of like people pining to be as scintillating as dog shit.

      But don't worry, because Obama's so fucking right-wing already that he may as well run on your ticket.

  21. donner_froh

    So if I were to register to vote in a state other than Michigan–New York, for example–and declare my party preference as Republican, I would be leading the President in the Daily Caller poll as a Generic Republican.

    Sounds like fun–I can hold press conferences, get campaign monies from corporations and have the Secret Service drive me around.

  22. ganmerlad

    Since magic underwear of the Mormon variety is ugly, he would be way better off borrowing Magic Johnson's magical underwear if he wants to score extra points.

    1. Pithaughn

      Good catch there ifthe…ya. What do you suppose the dispersion pattern of newt colliding with a molecule of gold at velocity of 99.9999% the speed of light would tell us about his character?

    2. Swampgas_Man

      I don't think any of these could summon a hardon of measurable length.

      Except maybe Bachmann.

  23. fuflans

    also: wtf is up with all those polls (and mara liassom piously pondering barry's upcoming loss?)

    it's fucking summer people! it's a year and five months until the election. the republicans aren't even close to a final field. the economy is more peripatetic than sarah palin's bus tour and could – for all we know – be up again in october '12.

    geesh.

    the media REALLY needs to get out from under our feet and to go play in the sunshine with some of the neighbor kids.

    1. Crank_Tango

      well, when the media stops wetting its pants all the time, then maybe the neighbor kids will stop picking on it.

  24. MissusBarry

    I think I'd prefer downers to get through this. Maybe some vodka and valium to reduce or possibly elimiate consciousness.

  25. Ducksworthy

    Also, remember Jeebus is a Rethuglican and he might jump in the race. (Although after his disappointing showing May 21, I doubt it.)

  26. 4TheTurnstiles

    Huntsman has to go through Rick Perry first. Tenderly at first, but building in aggression and heat, resolving into a very not gay at all climax for… America!

    because Rick Perry calls his libido "America" and he likes it fucked regularly

  27. horsedreamer_1

    He would have the coveted Mahmoud Ahmadinejad endorsement. Finally, American-Iranian rapproachment.

  28. x111e7thst

    If Generic Republicans are polling so well, maybe there is some percentage (money? 15 minutes of fame?) in starting the Generic Republican Party. It probably would not take much more than a website and a couple of You Tube thingys.

  29. El Pinche

    Christie on deck? I hope it 's reinforced with rebar and cement. We're a shallow folk and would never vote for a slob like that tub of lard.

    As for the other guy, Huntsman = Obamar-loving libral

  30. mrblifil

    Also, too, I wonder how A. Republican would do against Weiner's Wang of Wonder. I'd say Weiner would edge him out by at least a few inches.

  31. neiltheblaze

    Republicans are awaiting the sudden appearance of a dark-horse Regan figure to take them out of the wilderness the real Regan started the process of driving them to.

    1. genxr

      They're really waiting for the sudden appearance of four dark horse Reagan figures to usher in a thousand years of tribulation.

    2. finallyhappy

      Regan- wasn't that the name of the girl in the Exorcist? Because she is much preferred mby me to the President who conducted witch hunts at my agency(and where we were so disorganized- we "couldn't" find a lot of the files they were looking for- yes, kids – no computerized files- just paper/paper/paper). I will mention one evil project we funded that the Reagan thugs wanted to look at- a group that was encouraging publishing of books in which girls were not Nurse Nancy or happy homemakers. Girls doing all the work boys/men did in books- therefore we were encouraging lesbianism(I am not kidding!)

  32. DaSandman

    Huh…

    So we don't like Rethugs or Dems. Apparently neither does anyone else.

    So here's a radical thought: how about a progressive humanist who will avocate the use of our resources for the good of the entire populace, not to mention the world? Someone who would actually enforce the laws against rich and poor alike?

    Somelike like say, a real compassionate human being, as opposed to the usual suspect Kochsuckers?

  33. Poindexter718

    I wanna say apart from the current field, they'd elect "any Republican with a pulse," but I don't mean to exclude Darth Cheney.

  34. BarackMyWorld

    There's a few simple problems with this type of polling:
    "A Republican" doesn't have to pander to Tea Party voters and alienate the general population.
    "A Republican" doesn't have to run negative ads.
    "A Republican" doesn't have to let you know where he stands on the issues.
    "A Republican" doesn't have to defend his record as governor, or explain questionable votes taken in Congress.
    "A Republican" has no wacky quotes to be taken and examined.
    "A Republican" isn't a real person, and thus automatical gets high favorability for having none of those pesky human flaws.

  35. Jukesgrrl

    Double shudder when you think how often we'd have to hear from his Sister-from-hell, Bay Buchanan.

  36. genxr

    Also, "Republican policies" poll higher than any actual, specific Republican policy.

    A majority of Americans identify themselves as "conservative" and prefer policies that violate conservative principles.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Just as people "believe in" marriage and yet get divorced 50% of the time. Just as some governors love Jeebus, but only give his church half of one percent of their money.

  37. bloodandirony

    When veteran snake-hunter and rain-dancer Rick Perry gets into the race, we might finally have something to worry about.

  38. Gleem_McShineys

    This is quite remarkable, for Generic Troll to actually place anywhere on the "nearly evoked a single solitary 'heh' poll," which is sooo very close to actual laughter.

    I commend your effort, Generic Troll! Keep learning from your Wonketeers, and maybe, one day, you might actually bring a form of joy to some random someone's life that does NOT involve their joy at you being launched into the sun!

    ONE DAY!

  39. C_R_Eature

    Jeezus Kee-rist, Gallup – what lame Methodology!
    e.g.: "86% of Men said they'd agree to a free Blow Job, but when it was revealed to be from a 65 year old filthy Wino with no teeth the percentage dropped to 16 %"
    Fuckin' hacks. They get paid for this , BTW.

    5% of surveyed Amreicuns had no opinion. The results of total immersion in our Modern Media & Educational Environment., Ladies and Gentlemen. Patriotactunlawfulwiretapillegalwarglobalwarmingenronbankingcollapse Ho hum. LOOK IT'S A PENIS TWIT!!!! 24/7!!!!

    Also, Kristin…Way to frighten the Bejeezus out of me with that horrible lead image of the name of my horrible psychopathological pulseless semi ex neighbor ON A FUCKIN' PRESIDENTIAL BADGE. As if that last 8 years didn't create so much damage to this civilization & world that would take many times my expected lifespan to correct. The nightmares were just beginning to go away goddammit. Must. Get Very. Drunk. Now.

  40. OhNoGuy

    Weiner+underwear pics = Romney media consultant

    Come on folks, do I have to tweet you a picture?

  41. BlueStateLibel

    Or a pregnant high-school teenage daughter…hair looks like decent, which is a plus.

  42. Negropolis

    But, can you imagine what a methhead would do to raise revenues? Those bastard's will do anything for money. Anything…tax cuts for the rich would be yesterday's news. They'd be raising taxes on everything. Our deficits would disappear overnight, well, until they blew all new revenues on meth, that is. But, at least the congress could stop the president.

  43. Negropolis

    Too bad "Generic Republican" couldn't make it through the GOP primaries. If frogs had wings, well, you know the rest.

    Honestly, though, this is nothing short of amazing how well Obama is running, because if you'd listen to the media, you'd already think he was a lame duck. He's actually more a slightly bruised black swan.

    1. LetUsBray

      Speaking of black swans, I see where Mila Kunis has a movie about being friends with benefits with a guy, which is funny because Natalie Portman did the same a few months ago. Now, a film where they're friends with benefits with each other… *sigh*

  44. JustPixelz

    Nonsense! Newtron is man of unshakeable principles. His Baptist Catholic faith. His congressional district PAC. Health insurance reform including excluding an individual mandate. His wife Jackie Marianne Callista.

  45. Nothingisamiss

    KBJ, good on ya for posting at 1:00am wonkette time. THAT's initiative! Coffee, snark and anger are what make mornings juuuuust right! Welcome!

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