A new Gallup poll shows sad person Barack Obama down by 5 points in a generic matchup with “a Republican” as his opponent, which if there were any Republicans running for president, this would be a problem for Obama. Mitt Romney and everyone else are still losing to Obama in the polls. The American people are now so cynical that the actual fact of being a Republican human running for office makes you less popular than the incumbent human currently busy bombing earth and sending SWAT teams after anti-war activists and student loan defaulters, so everyone would prefer to elect someone who is not a Democrat, and not real.
The GOP is so awful at finding one competent candidate to run for president that if you took all the current candidates and smashed them together Hadron Collider-style to make one terrifying Republican beast with the legs of Herman Cain, the torso of Mitt Romney, the heads of Tim Pawlenty and Michele Bachmann and the hair of Newt Gingrich, you probably still would get something that would elicit a massive, “eh, whatever” from Republican-leaning voters.
From the Daily Caller:
Although 44 percent of respondents said they would vote for a Republican candidate when asked whom they would support in the 2012 election, only 39 percent of participants said they would vote for Obama. Eighteen percent of respondents said they had no opinion.
AND YET:
An NBC/Wall Street Journal poll released on Wednesday, for example, found that Obama would beat Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney, 49 percent to 43 percent.
The NBC/WSJ poll also reported that Obama would win against top-tier contender Tim Pawlenty by 50 percent to 39 percent.
It is still good to know in our hearts, at least, that nearly 1 in 5 Americans still has “no opinion” whatsoever. [Daily Caller]
{ 227 comments }
Maybe they can just build a Republican from spare parts and call him "Fuckingstein"
But where will they find a brain?
They can't find a brain. They do, however, have a plethora of assholes in stock.
I know what you mean. To Repubicans, Newt is the "smart" one.
Abby Normal
…too Jewish.
That's Governor Fuckingstein.
Why don't they just keep calling him "Romney"?
Better yet, they could simply call him "Tim Pawlenty."
"None of the above" for president.
Nobody can solve the economic mess.
Nobody can solve the Middle East crisis.
As soon as we find someone named "Nobody" or the equivalent, we've got it made!
VOTE FOR NOBODY!
Vote for Noman!
Reminds me of a button I found in the Bush era: "Somebody else for President."
Can we try smashing them all to bits? Pretty please?
Zombie Reagan/Zombie Nixon 2012!
-
It's a no-brainer!
Needz moar female (sorta)
Zombie Reagan/Zombie Ayn Rand – fixed
Zombie Reagan/Zombie Thatcher!
(Don't worry, she'll make the filing deadline.)
I like Zombie Ike! Data analysis shows him to be more liberal than ANY candidate, Republican or Democrat, running in this cycle.
Actually, it's an eat-brainer.
He'll break new ground as the first clinically dead President to serve.
Well, other than the last year of Woodrow Wilson's term. And the last three or so years of Reagan's.
Edith Wilson was our first woman president. I think Nancy Reagan was our second.
The waters are getting just right for Pat Buchanan to plunge in. Naked as a jaybird.
Funny, I was thinking the same thing. As in, "what's missing from this lineup?"…
If he got the nomination, all of his voters would just end up voting for Gore by accident.
Also, in the latest poll I saw 34% of the Amerikun people represent a massive failure of ou mental health system. Too.
An
anusburgerfecesburger salute to you Ducks!The problem is that none of the candidates are named Ronald Reagan.
Given the average age of Fox listeners and viewers, and Tea Baggers in general, that should be "Geriatric" Republican.
"Republican human"? Kristen. Pu-LEEZ. (Oh, and by the way, I never got a chance to welcome you – so, welcome!).
Republican humanoid life form?
Republican replicant?
Republican asshole? (sorry, redundant)
Or, according to the article image, Republican cyborg, more machine now than man, twisted and evil.
We tried that here in CA. Even after SkyNet went online, he still couldn't balance the budget.
He's got plenty of time for it, being unemployed and all.
If he's unemployed, how can he afford a Tweeter Machine? Socialist layabout needs to quit sucking on the government teet.
Once again proving polls are useless because you are deriving your data from the retarded asswipes we call "likely voters".
Or because The Daily Caller is sponsoring the poll.
Not to mention that the people who still use/answer their landlines are not exactly representative. Or I guess they are representative of some sort of subset of luddite retards.
Think about it, they're not only Luddite Retards, but they also
Are Home At The Time Retards
Don't Screen Their Calls Retards
Have Time To Take A Phone Poll Retards
Want To Take A Phone Poll Retards
I think this is a fine opportunity for me to run the dead moth that's been on my window-sill for a couple of weeks, with one of my dirty ashtrays as its running mate. Iowa, here we come! Dead Moth/Dirty Ashtray 2012!
Just last night, my cats left two strong candidates for the Republican nom on my Aubusson carpet:
Front Half of Woodrat / Back Half of Squirrell 2012!
Given the respect they show for French art forms, your cats are "likely voters."
My neighbors have about eight chickens that wander over to our place for handouts of stale bread and watermelon rinds and they leave offerings of poop and the occasional egg. I'm not sure which one should get the top slot.
The one highest in the pecking order, with the least number of holes in its head.
I dunno, one of them reminds me of Michele Bachmann…female, all fluffy, got this crazy eye thing going, and is always late to whatever is going on.
"my cats left two strong candidates for the Republican nom on my Aubusson carpet"
Check the litter box for Cabinet members.
But can you PROVE they're American Citizens?
BIRF CERTIFICATE!
From Maryland, we would like to nominate Stink Bug/Stink bug 2012
I'm in my Bethesda office right now and there's a stinkbug living on my dusty plant. Just checked and it's not wearing a flag pin, so I'mma squash it. Chinese Stink Bug Commie Muslin Usurper!!!1one!!
New York is offering Bed Bug/Cuomo. The bed bug sends its relatives to your home and Cuomo savages the social safety net while you're distracted.
I would panic, but in June 2003, Joe Lieberman was leading the Democratic pack: http://www.gallup.com/poll/8716/lieberman-continu…
Once we go from "a Republican" to "the Republican," it's game on…
And last election cycle, at this point in time, it was Hillary vs. 9/11 bitch as the shoe-in candidates for the 2008 election.
JOEMENTUM
Oh, my, fisties for you!
looks like downfister got you, so I got you back. Fists up, sodomites!
Joe the Plumber or Zombie Stalin? Long form birth certificate on the latter might be difficult, but as Obama has shown not impossible.
Think about it: Gore-Liebermann, Kerry-Edwards, Mc Cain-Palin. I say all three men were more damaged by Viet Nam service than any of us knew. (Well, except in the case of WALNUTS!) Only PTSD can explain those VP picks.
You're definitely on to something. This is thesis material, Horsedreamer, PhD.
I don't have any idea what actual republicans are "thinking", but I myself have been waxing nostalgic for Fred Thompson lately. His "candidacy" was just riveting.
No snark: I'm nostalgic for Tom McCall, the last reasonable Republican and an excellent public servant. Today he'd be to the left of Pelosi.
So true it hurts, Turnstiles.
P.S. Don't Californicate Oregon.
CHUCK PERCY 2012!
I don't know – in 2008 none of the Republican voters could seem to handle the sheer kinetic electricity of his debate performances.
Fred's too busy now scamming the olds in those reverse mortgage ads.
It pisses me off how many "actors" sell crap like this. Those awful insurance policies(although Union Fidelity – a crap company-provided me with good summer work for 3 summers in the early 70's- $2 an hour was good pay- really), the reverse mortgages, and free Diabetes supplies(and how does that work??)
In the same way the Casey Anthony trial is riveting.
"I myself have been waxing nostalgic for Fred Thompson lately"
Homer Simpson: All of you Republican candidates get out of my house! And that means you, too, Fred Thompson! I see you hiding behind that plant!
Fred (pleadingly): But I was in "Die Hard".
Homer (with scornful emphasis): "Die Hard TWO"!
Those aren't rivets in his neck, they're bolts. Boy, are you dumb. Want the VP slot?
Does the Michelle Bachmann head eat lesbians? I know the Pawlenty one won't.
She's too worried about lesbeens eating her.
Strangely, "generic Republican" still less generic than Tim Pawlenty.
Timmy is not just generic. He is banal. As in the banality of evil though.
Alex Burrows bites my finger in Pawlenty's generic direction.
How is T-Paw top tier- in what way, NBC?
All of them, Brian.
The generic Republican has a jobs plan, doesn't want to gut Medicare and can have an actual conversation with people without being painfully awkward, changing the subject or running away.
Generic/Unspecified 2012!
The generic Republican doesn't taunt unemployed people by making jokes about how his vast wealth means he doesn't have to work and is thus unemployed just like them. Also.
I believe you're confusing the "generic Republican" with the "mythological Republican."
Exactly
I've seen the grainy footage of "generic Republican" out in the woods.
I WANT TO BELIEVE
The Truth is Out There.
Meh/Some Guy 2012
None of the above/Who cares? 2012
Generic Republican is awesome. Generic Republican can lower taxes, balance the budget, get government out of my way, keep us safe and secure, and make us feel good about ourselves. There is nothing Generic Republican can't do.
Obama doesn't stand a chance against Generic Republican.
Let's see Generic Republican tweet his Weiner.
Generic Republican has no sexual organs – just like Mitt Romney.
Generic Republican sounds a lot like Alprazolam. Probably not a bad idea.
"A benzo in every pot!"
I really don't know your preferred directionality for fisting. I hope the upfist doesn't offend.
Xanax for everyone!
Soma?
Opium, for you old fashioned (fascist?) Marxists?
Thorazine for all those with Hoveround tendencies … hashish with a champagne chaser for the Wonkeratti.
I want some of those magic mushrooms.
And get lost walking around the block, no thanks.
"Opium, for you old fashioned (fascist?) Marxists? "
Religion is the opiate of the masses, but opium works, too.
Opium is the religion of the masses.
"When you clock the human race with the stopwatch of history, it's a new record every time." – Richard Nixon
The robot president from I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus that sounds like Nixon on downers:
"The main spring of this country, wound up as tight as it is, is guaranteed for the life of the watch and who’s watching? People like you *Jim* and you *Barney honk* people who are alerted and unafraid to waste the little time that I have scheduled for your question."
What are the odds that the same folks who have no opinion on the presidential election are part of the 20% who believe Elvis is alive, we didn't land on the moon, and the devil is real (and is Obama)?
The same ones who aren't sure if Hawaii is a state.
The same ones who believed reading My Pet Goat was an appropriate response to the twin towers falling and clearing brush was an appropriate response to Hurricane Katrina.
Elvis is alive and Republicans are fiscally responsible.
Thank God somebody is thinkin' straight.
The problem with the poll is the nature of the Republican party: When you actually look at what they propose as individual candidates, they suck mightily. To know, know, know them is to loathe, loathe, loathe them and we do.
Ah, but who votes based on policies? I'm banking on my sister-in-law's theory … people vote for the candidate with the most attractive eyebrows.
Why can't they see?
How blind can they be?
I think a lot of folks are ready to vote for a hot lead enema. A word to the wise, it's too late to clench when the funnel is in your butt.
That "Generic Republican" guy sounds like a total RINO to me.
What I would give to see walking dead thing Dick Cheney run against Obama. Remember the good ol' days when the veep went around shooting people in the face? Heady days, those…..
Is Cheney still eligible, or does his mechanical heart mean that he is no longer a natural person?
Now we just have an affable vice president who shoots himself in the foot. Bor-ing!
So people would rather vote for a nobody? This is good news for Jon(?) Huntsman!
As long as we can get a body on Liddy, I'm in.
Poor T'Paw. Didn't even rate as your nobody.
I suppose it's worth mentioning that the "student loan SWAT Team" thing was seriously misreported–it wasn't a SWAT team, and it wasn't about a student loan default. Happily, they're saving the SWAT teams for those dangerous pot smokers.
LOL yeah I just looked that up, because duh my loans are not exactly up to date.
Now that Osama is dead, Seal Team Six is going after those deadbeat students. Yee-haw!
"The NBC/WSJ poll also reported that Obama would win against top-tier contender Tim Pawlenty by 50 percent to 39 percent."
Barry is in big trouble if he's only beating T-Paw by 11 pts.
One point for each inch.
My favorite part of the debate was when T-Paw didn't have the guts to back up his "Obamneycare" comments when asked. T-Paw: No dick, no balls.
No Weiner?
On what alternate universe is Tim Pawlenty a "top-tier candidate" for anything but Chinless Dumbfuck in Chief?
I thought that was Mitch's job.
Remember, we're talking about the people who voted for Palin because they liked her glasses.
And think Bachmann is crazy-sexy.
With Obama drawing 39% against "Brand Generic" GOP, but 49 against Omney & 50 in front of Gov. Autotune, it just means that between five & ten percent of poll respondents consider Obama a Republican. Nader — & Ken Layne! — were right!
As well, a piddling number, maybe one percent, don't consider Mittens & T-Paw Republicans. RINOS!
I'm forming an exploratory committee to test the waters for a presidential bid. I'm a true American and a real Republican, which means I'm already ahead of Obama in the polls. [spit!] Let's get ready to rumble, America! Game On! USA! USA!
Do you have a jacked-up truck? Is it camo? How many guns do you own? (Just a little debate prep for ya)
Fuck, yeah, the truck's jacked up [spit!] And I did the camo paint job myself, with a little help from my cousin Jimmy. I'll bring two of my five rifles to the debate, along with my trusty Colt revolver. I'm so fuckin' ready, man. Totally fuckin' ready for action.
S&W or GTFO.
But do you have any embarassing divorces in your background? It seems to be something necessary to run as GeeOPeer these days. I think you need at least two ex-wives.
I'm ready to vote for you. Sign me up. But…I'm concerned about some of the things you and your buddies do out in the shed with sheep? Is that going to be a problem? Or will that give you some real street cred with the typical Republican voter?
Unless Barry can win my heart or someone else better comes along, I'm going with the GOOP: The Great Old Ones Party.
Those who vote for him will be devoured first.
As is our dearest hope! YES WE CAN!! NO MORE YEARS!!
Shub-niggurath/Thousand Young 2012!
I used to hate the olds who voted only in their own financial interest. Today, I see them as the Maginot Line against the destruction of all social programs.
Repubs are overlooking the ultimate entertainment factor. If politicians had a clue, they would get on Dancing With the Stars prior to commencing that arc into presidential territory. Enough voters confuse watchability/ star appeal with presidential potential that it couldn't go wrong? — unless we really have devolved into a nation of ass-backward thickwits who place redemptive value on has-been and ignominus alike just for the sake of "I like a good comeback kid story!"..
See: Reagan, Ronnie.
How does a generic Wingnut Grifter stack up against Obama?
Careful she who shall not be named doesn't start whining about
Palinpiling-onI think it needs to be a video. I, for one, want to see actual magic…as long as they don't disappear. Ew.
I've seen magic underwear. It ain't that special.
You're welcome.
Funny, that's what I told your mother before I left this morning.
"Guns don't kill jobs…"
'Course not! In many cases, like workplace shootings, they actually open up new positions!
And yet every single actual candidate loses when put up against Obama. Which means that your pathetic little shitstains on the ticket aren't even good enough to be called generic Republicans, which is sort of like people pining to be as scintillating as dog shit.
But don't worry, because Obama's so fucking right-wing already that he may as well run on your ticket.
Brain bleach, please.
terrifying Republican beast
needs brain of palin to be truly terrifying.
Hers could be the one that controls the legs and tail.
Top scientists are still looking for that.
So if I were to register to vote in a state other than Michigan–New York, for example–and declare my party preference as Republican, I would be leading the President in the Daily Caller poll as a Generic Republican.
Sounds like fun–I can hold press conferences, get campaign monies from corporations and have the Secret Service drive me around.
Since magic underwear of the Mormon variety is ugly, he would be way better off borrowing Magic Johnson's magical underwear if he wants to score extra points.
I thought it was Michael Jordan that modeled underwear, on the TV, for money?
Wait, isn't that TVeeting? Why didn't Jordan get kicked out of the NBA?
and smashed them together Hadron Collider-style
It's the goopers we're talking about here, right Kirsten? Shirley you meant "large Hardon Colider?"
~
Don't forget David "I did not shit on that woman" Vitter. He'd be awesome.
Good catch there ifthe…ya. What do you suppose the dispersion pattern of newt colliding with a molecule of gold at velocity of 99.9999% the speed of light would tell us about his character?
Not much, but I bet it would come in a robin's egg blue box.
I don't think any of these could summon a hardon of measurable length.
Except maybe Bachmann.
Angling for another award?
I was going to say he's got his worm in the water, but then I'd be accused of obsessing over another person's pee-ness again.
~
Wanna see a screenshot of my p-score? Its throbbing . . .
The fame, it goes to your head, next thing you know you are a shameless famewhore.
I'm just waiting for the scanda. (And hoping it's good!)
also: wtf is up with all those polls (and mara liassom piously pondering barry's upcoming loss?)
it's fucking summer people! it's a year and five months until the election. the republicans aren't even close to a final field. the economy is more peripatetic than sarah palin's bus tour and could – for all we know – be up again in october '12.
geesh.
the media REALLY needs to get out from under our feet and to go play in the sunshine with some of the neighbor kids.
well, when the media stops wetting its pants all the time, then maybe the neighbor kids will stop picking on it.
I think I'd prefer downers to get through this. Maybe some vodka and valium to reduce or possibly elimiate consciousness.
Promise you'll share.
Wonketteers must stick together.
Also, remember Jeebus is a Rethuglican and he might jump in the race. (Although after his disappointing showing May 21, I doubt it.)
Couldn't Cheney tweet his fake heart?
Huntsman has to go through Rick Perry first. Tenderly at first, but building in aggression and heat, resolving into a very not gay at all climax for… America!
because Rick Perry calls his libido "America" and he likes it fucked regularly
He would have the coveted Mahmoud Ahmadinejad endorsement. Finally, American-Iranian rapproachment.
NO
MULATOSMULLETS IN THE WHITE HOUSE.If Generic Republicans are polling so well, maybe there is some percentage (money? 15 minutes of fame?) in starting the Generic Republican Party. It probably would not take much more than a website and a couple of You Tube thingys.
Unfortunately, all of the good money — Koch cash — is tied up in crazy.
Christie on deck? I hope it 's reinforced with rebar and cement. We're a shallow folk and would never vote for a slob like that tub of lard.
As for the other guy, Huntsman = Obamar-loving libral
Don't panic. It's Friday and Barry's a corporatist , he'll win . They always win.
Is this the part where I raise my hand? Because I certainly would.
I'm voting for this guy because he is a conservative that has a way with women.
Also, too, I wonder how A. Republican would do against Weiner's Wang of Wonder. I'd say Weiner would edge him out by at least a few inches.
Republicans are awaiting the sudden appearance of a dark-horse Regan figure to take them out of the wilderness the real Regan started the process of driving them to.
They're really waiting for the sudden appearance of four dark horse Reagan figures to usher in a thousand years of tribulation.
Regan- wasn't that the name of the girl in the Exorcist? Because she is much preferred mby me to the President who conducted witch hunts at my agency(and where we were so disorganized- we "couldn't" find a lot of the files they were looking for- yes, kids – no computerized files- just paper/paper/paper). I will mention one evil project we funded that the Reagan thugs wanted to look at- a group that was encouraging publishing of books in which girls were not Nurse Nancy or happy homemakers. Girls doing all the work boys/men did in books- therefore we were encouraging lesbianism(I am not kidding!)
Santorum still thinks that.
If her head spins around, she's got the nomination.
That was brilliant.
Isn't Jolt Cola dead?
Isn't Vivarin dead, too?
I think they just repackaged it as 5 Hour Energy.
Isn't that the point?
Huh…
So we don't like Rethugs or Dems. Apparently neither does anyone else.
So here's a radical thought: how about a progressive humanist who will avocate the use of our resources for the good of the entire populace, not to mention the world? Someone who would actually enforce the laws against rich and poor alike?
Somelike like say, a real compassionate human being, as opposed to the usual suspect Kochsuckers?
I might feel proud of my country for the first time if that were possible.
Progressive Humanist = To hard for Amerikans to spel
I wanna say apart from the current field, they'd elect "any Republican with a pulse," but I don't mean to exclude Darth Cheney.
There's a few simple problems with this type of polling:
"A Republican" doesn't have to pander to Tea Party voters and alienate the general population.
"A Republican" doesn't have to run negative ads.
"A Republican" doesn't have to let you know where he stands on the issues.
"A Republican" doesn't have to defend his record as governor, or explain questionable votes taken in Congress.
"A Republican" has no wacky quotes to be taken and examined.
"A Republican" isn't a real person, and thus automatical gets high favorability for having none of those pesky human flaws.
Double shudder when you think how often we'd have to hear from his Sister-from-hell, Bay Buchanan.
This is good news for John McCain.
Also, "Republican policies" poll higher than any actual, specific Republican policy.
A majority of Americans identify themselves as "conservative" and prefer policies that violate conservative principles.
Just as people "believe in" marriage and yet get divorced 50% of the time. Just as some governors love Jeebus, but only give his church half of one percent of their money.
Or hate Obamacare, but agree with every individual part of it.
Polls prove, once again, that 28% of the American people did not understand the question.
In spite of the fact they are graduates of the University of Phoenix.
Hmmm, maybe Huntsman is their Trojan horse. Is he related to Angela Lansbury?
Republicans are big on imaginary friends… ie., Jeebus.
Woe betide me, they have smote my p-ness full sore.
When veteran snake-hunter and rain-dancer Rick Perry gets into the race, we might finally have something to worry about.
Pin-up boy of the home-skoolin' moms.
Won't work. One person (or semi-person) can't run for two offices.
None / Of the Above 2012!!1!!
This is quite remarkable, for Generic Troll to actually place anywhere on the "nearly evoked a single solitary 'heh' poll," which is sooo very close to actual laughter.
I commend your effort, Generic Troll! Keep learning from your Wonketeers, and maybe, one day, you might actually bring a form of joy to some random someone's life that does NOT involve their joy at you being launched into the sun!
ONE DAY!
Wait till they poll him running against "A White Guy".
Maybe we can have a rotating cast of guest star Republican nominees. Every week, the RNC can put up a toll number and people can vote them off.
Mike Hunt and Oliver Closoff, 2012. You're welcome!
Jeezus Kee-rist, Gallup – what lame Methodology!
e.g.: "86% of Men said they'd agree to a free Blow Job, but when it was revealed to be from a 65 year old filthy Wino with no teeth the percentage dropped to 16 %"
Fuckin' hacks. They get paid for this , BTW.
5% of surveyed Amreicuns had no opinion. The results of total immersion in our Modern Media & Educational Environment., Ladies and Gentlemen. Patriotactunlawfulwiretapillegalwarglobalwarmingenronbankingcollapse Ho hum. LOOK IT'S A PENIS TWIT!!!! 24/7!!!!
Also, Kristin…Way to frighten the Bejeezus out of me with that horrible lead image of the name of my horrible psychopathological pulseless semi ex neighbor ON A FUCKIN' PRESIDENTIAL BADGE. As if that last 8 years didn't create so much damage to this civilization & world that would take many times my expected lifespan to correct. The nightmares were just beginning to go away goddammit. Must. Get Very. Drunk. Now.
Weiner+underwear pics = Romney media consultant
Come on folks, do I have to tweet you a picture?
Or a pregnant high-school teenage daughter…hair looks like decent, which is a plus.
DRAFT CHENEY 2012
ONE OF HIS KIDS IS TEH GAY
But, can you imagine what a methhead would do to raise revenues? Those bastard's will do anything for money. Anything…tax cuts for the rich would be yesterday's news. They'd be raising taxes on everything. Our deficits would disappear overnight, well, until they blew all new revenues on meth, that is. But, at least the congress could stop the president.
Too bad "Generic Republican" couldn't make it through the GOP primaries. If frogs had wings, well, you know the rest.
Honestly, though, this is nothing short of amazing how well Obama is running, because if you'd listen to the media, you'd already think he was a lame duck. He's actually more a slightly bruised black swan.
Speaking of black swans, I see where Mila Kunis has a movie about being friends with benefits with a guy, which is funny because Natalie Portman did the same a few months ago. Now, a film where they're friends with benefits with each other… *sigh*
I like how your mind works, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter…
Nonsense! Newtron is man of unshakeable principles. His
BaptistCatholic faith. Hiscongressional districtPAC. Health insurance reformincludingexcluding an individual mandate. His wifeJackieMarianneCallista.Draft Tall Glass of Vodka! It's our only hope.
KBJ, good on ya for posting at 1:00am wonkette time. THAT's initiative! Coffee, snark and anger are what make mornings juuuuust right! Welcome!
WIN(ing)!
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