Michele Bachmann Nearly Eaten By Lesbians In 2005

 One of Michele Bachmann's many "special talents" is that she is able to interpret an attempt at friendly discussion by some constituents as a traumatizing individual-size terrorist attack on her person. While running for state senate back in 2005, Bachmann met with voters to discuss various issues, including her opposition to gay marriage. After the talk, a lesbian couple who happened to be in attendance "wanted to discuss certain issues further," which in Michele Bachmann's mind sounded more like "advanced stage lesbian cannibal robot brain invasion." So Michele did the normal thing for a politician to do when a voter asks her a question, and she ran away screaming.

The Daily Beast reports:

A few dozen people showed up at the town hall for the April 9 event, and Bachmann greeted them warmly. But when, during the question and answer session, the topic turned to gay marriage, Bachmann ended the meeting 20 minutes early and rushed to the bathroom. Hoping to speak to her, [Pamela] Arnold and another middle-aged woman, a former nun, followed her. As Bachmann washed her hands and Arnold looked on, the ex-nun tried to talk to her about theology. Suddenly, after less than a minute, Bachmann let out a shriek. "Help!" she screamed. "Help! I'm being held against my will!"

Arnold, who is just over 5 feet tall, was stunned, and hurried to open the door. Bachmann bolted out and fled, crying, to an SUV outside. Then she called the police, saying, according to the police report, that she was "absolutely terrified and has never been that terrorized before as she had no idea what those two women were going to do to her." The Washington County attorney, however, declined to press charges, writing in a memo, "It seems clear from the statements given by both women that they simply wanted to discuss certain issues further with Ms. Bachmann."

There is some sort of Frank Herbert-style intergalactic epic taking place in this woman's mind every second of the day. [ Daily Beast ]