feces ... it's what's for dinner

Goodbye Anusburger, Hello Fecesburger!

Unsatisfied with a diet of subsidized-corn subsidized-oil subsidized industrial cattle farm e.coli anusburgers? Japan’s wacky scientists have a treat for you!

It’s being called the “poop burger”. Japanese scientists have found a way to create artificial meat from sewage containing human feces.

Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, has developed steaks based on proteins from human excrement. Tokyo Sewage approached the scientist because of an overabundance of sewage mud. They asked him to explore the possible uses of the sewage and Ikeda found that the mud contained a great deal of protein because of all the bacteria.

Is the entire north of Japan still radioactive, from those melting nuke reactors that continue to melt down, forever? Maybe the scientists could work on that waste. [Digital Trends]

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  • SexySmurf

    So? Arby's has been doing this for years.

    • HistoriCat

      Taco Bell is on line 2!

  • Barb

    Do they have something for the kiddies? Maybe a Crappy Meal?

    • CapeClod

      Just don't order the McNuggets.

    • [redacted]hse

      Something for the wee ones?

  • FNMA

    I'm telling you, "Human Centipede" was prophetic.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      We are what we eat.

      • widestanceroman

        In this case, 'we' are what 'they' ate.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    You know what they call the Quarter Pound Poopburger with cheese in France?
    ~

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Merdelicious?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Royale Quiet-Flush II with cheese.

    • widestanceroman

      Vitter Royale?

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      The America?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Dave?

    • BloviateMe

      Tourists?

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Le Snack du Sewer?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Pepe Le Poo?

    • mumbly_joe

      Hitler!

    • memzilla

      Soylent Brunes?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Hey, everybody!

    Pull up a stool, it's time for burgers!
    ~

    • franco_pinyon

      This isn't going to be topped. No way.

    • SorosBot

      That's a really crappy pun.

    • memzilla

      What's worse than Soylent Green? Soylent Brown!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I guess this is a case of the self-fulfilling prophecy, "I know you don't like to eat shit sandwiches because you don't like the taste of bread."

  • SayItWithWookies

    Shades of the reburger from Yes Men. Please let this be satire — or do we really want to find out that some people are so poor they can't afford a shitburger?

    • emmelemm

      Shit burger more expensive than regular burger, as must recoup years of R&D cost for the "raw sewage to your plate" transition.

  • pinkocommi

    Let me guess…. It tastes like shit.

    • AJWjr.

      But it's really great shit, Mrs. Prezky!

  • Lucidamente1

    As long as it's served by one of those sexbots they have over there, I'm ok with it.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Poop burger and sex with a used robot woman.

      Winning the future.

  • BloviateMe

    I'm at the point where if I see something weird and creepy, it's either going to be from Japan, or the GOP.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Time for another round of "Germany or Florida?"

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Do they learn how to cook it in alimentary school?

  • hagajim

    Soylent brown?

  • hagajim

    Yes, may I have a colon burger, hold the corn.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Also, the late B. Kliban saw this coming.

    • AJWjr.

      Shoulda stuck with the cats, there's a real future in cats.

  • joobajooba

    Soylent Brown

  • Steverino247

    It's a big shit sandwich and we're all going to have to take a bite.
    http://www.hark.com/clips/lhvmxksxlw-its-a-huge-s

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    What makes them think I want to eat my sister-in-law's cooking?

  • jus_wonderin

    I can buy these at Ikeda?

  • emmelemm

    Would fist again and again.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Does eating it give you that Assburger's Syndrome thing?

    • proudgrampa

      If I could, I would upfist a dozen for that. Thanks, you made this story tolerable (otherwise, I would have thrown up a little in my mouth).

    • DashboardBuddha

      Like a diamond shining through the muck – well done!

  • widestanceroman

    Meat is merder.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    How many calories?

    • proudgrampa

      I want to know how many Weight Watchers points are we talking here???

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Calories don't count the second time through.

  • jus_wonderin

    I hate to ask, but does this burger come with special sauce?

    • proudgrampa

      You know what else comes with "special sauce?"

      • real_dc_native

        Santorum?

        Oh, that is the special sauce.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Gyros!

  • http://wonkette.com Pres[EXTERMINATE!!]

    SOYLENT BROWN IS PEOPLE!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Pity the poor marketeers who have to advertise this, uh, shit. Like, say, "Poop. It's what's for dinner." Or, "Poop, the other brown meat."

    • jus_wonderin

      "Where's the mother fucking beef?!!!!!!"

      • DaRooster

        "Where's the mother fucking Santorum beef?!!!!!!"

    • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

      Kids( in unison): MOM! CAN WE HAVE SOME DOUBLE-PROCESSED BUNBURGERS, PLEASE!!

      Mom (wry exasperation): Oh, alright.

      *Catchy theme song*

      Announcer: "From our buns, to yours! IT'S BUNBURGERS! They've been digested once already, so you KNOW IT IS SMOOOOOOTH!"

  • nounverb911

    Did Steuf try it while he was in Japan?

    • horsedreamer_1

      "Better than Papa John's!" — Jack Steuf, staffer, the ONION

  • CapeClod

    Taking shit on a shingle to its logical conclusion.

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    Speaking of which…I just made a whopper in my bathroom.

  • sati_demise

    Is this an improvement on 'meat glue'?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss_b-dRIOOg

  • EatsBabyDingos

    M&M Mars announced the new "Reece's Feces" and "Reece's Feces Pieces," while Pampers, wanting to get in on the recycling boom, announced its new "Pampers Fingerpainters"

    • emmelemm

      Wasn't there a skit on Saturday Night Live a few years ago about eating your baby's diapers? (uuuuugggghhhhhh)

  • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Trollina Dumbass

    It's not just a sauce anymore!

  • http://eldonaldo.com el_donaldo

    I gotta say, my dog eats poop all the time, but I'd never really consider that an endorsement. He also eats groundhog entrails.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He also eats groundhog entrails.

      Ground hog entrails are what they put in all the best pork link sausages.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Oh good lord. Even the con-artists at InventHelp.com would've passed on this. No way I'm going to become a fecatarian.

    Eat shit and die.

  • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Trollina Dumbass

    And one of the scientists is named Woo Flung Poo.

  • qwerty42

    …Is the entire north of Japan still radioactive, from those melting nuke reactors that continue to melt down, forever? Maybe the scientists could work on that waste.
    Please don't give this guy ideas like that. There is no telling what will be flavoring our fecesburgers. Not that we won't eat them anyway. cripes.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I tried this myself when I was two.
    I don't remember how it tasted.

    • AJWjr.

      My oldest brother used it as a hair product. Our mother decided that was a Kodak moment, and constantly embarrassed him in front of everybody.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Nothing I hate more than biting into a nice burger and finding bits of toilet paper in it.

    • LetUsBray

      Or a condom.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Waiter, there's a tampon in my burger.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I have the perfect marketing gimmick:
    http://www.stevenhumour.com/wp-content/uploads/20

  • horsedreamer_1

    Reduce. Reuse. Redigest.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Wow, that didn't take any time at all. Now that Ken is (mostly) gone, it's out with the anus burger, in with the poop burger.

  • HistoriCat

    Skip the artificial coloring – go for the Soylent Brown.

  • SorosBot

    Still sounds more appetizing than any of the "hamburgers" at Burger King.

  • proudgrampa

    We are so freakin' doomed…

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I call human feces!

  • DaRooster

    Watch the drug content of that burger… especially around Baltimore and DC.

  • MissusBarry

    Too bad they're only exerimenting with human poo. Otherwise, my Great Dane could be a real cash cow.

    Throughout the article and comments, it has been a great test of will to keep my own (hopefully) feces-free lunch down, also, too.

    • jus_wonderin

      Similarly, my stomach has requested to reenact any scene from the Alien sci-fi franchise. Just which scene is unclear. Things could go either way.

  • DaRooster

    "Is the entire north of Japan still radioactive, from those melting nuke reactors that continue to melt down, forever? Maybe the scientists could work on that waste."

    Why when they can just tell you to go eat shit… and like it.

  • emmelemm

    Oh my God, I can't believe I watched that. "Squicky."

  • LetUsBray

    My first thought was, who the hell do they think is going to eat such repackaged shit? But I'm sure they're counting on the same people who vote for Republicans to fuck them over.

    • mourningnmerica

      Well said. We are already used to eating shit on a daily basis.

  • Redhead

    This makes me want to vomit. Except that's probably what they use to make the french fries.

  • mumbly_joe

    Meh, just think of it as delivering all the E. coli, but eliminating the middle-man. And it probably tastes better than McDonalds or Burger King, at very least.

  • mumbly_joe

    I'm assuming the Paul Ryan is hailing this development as an innovation of critical value to his ongoing plan to make the old and the poor eat shit and die.

  • DashboardBuddha

    I wonder if it's like snacks made with Olestra. Uncontrolled anal leakage – it's the circle of life.

  • Diabeetis

    Den dey eat da poo poo!

  • fartknocker

    No burger for me…I'll just have the Freedom Fries.

  • real_dc_native

    Have you ever tasted dog food?

    • proudgrampa

      Well, no.

      But true story: My son lives near Flagstaff, Arizona. Flagstaff is the home of a Purina Dog Chow factory: imagine the aroma of Dog Chow as it is being cooked, wafting everywhere. You do NOT want to live in that neighborhood…

  • rambone

    Lucky for the Nipponese, half of America will eat anything so long as it's covered in batter and deep fried. The other half will eat it if you throw in the words "Asian Fusion."

  • real_dc_native

    I think I'd prefer a sewer burger over a Weiner tweet at this point.

  • finallyhappy

    My dog once ate Rat jerky( a long dead totally dried flattened rat) which sounds better than the poop burger- if you ask me

    • proudgrampa

      Another true story: my dog once ate a tampon. Yes, it was a used tampon. It got stuck in her stomach and I had to pay over $3000 for her surgery to remove it.

      I wish she had just eaten some poop.

  • MinAgain

    No wonder Japan lost the war.

  • mourningnmerica

    Too late. Friday's already has these. They're made from diarrhea. They're called sliders.

  • mourningnmerica

    I'm opening a franchise of this company, here stateside. Here's the tentative menu.

    1. The Duke of Hazard
    2. Shiese Fries
    3. The Semi Colon (like a Wendy's Jr. burger)
    4. Shitaco Grande
    5. Chicken Sphincters

  • zhubajie

    Sounds like the "plot" to an SF porn movie.

  • ttommyunger

    Poop goes in, poop goes out, poop goes in, poop goes out; never a miscommunication…but the halitosis would knock a Buzzard off a gut wagon.

  • [redacted]hse

    Two Girls, One Patty.

    • horsedreamer_1

      My favourite churrascaria.

  • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

    New hipster term "I am a doodie foodie"

  • horsedreamer_1

    Don't associate Ben Affleck with this. The burger's already going to be the butt of enough jokes.

  • sezme

    Whoop dee doo! They succeeded in reverse-engineering a McDonalds Quarter Pounder. Damn copycat Japanese… If they were really so smart, perhaps they could make some fecal nigiri sushi. Uni shouldn't be too difficult, and as a side bonus, the word for shit in Japanese in "Unchi" so the name wouldn't even have to change all that much.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    After that whole bombing thing in Nagasaki and Hiroshima when the Japanese basically ignored orphaned children who were foraging for mice in between spitting out baby teeth and weaving blankets out of their own hair, I have to say this doesn't surprise me.

  • ChapterUndVerse

    Not only gives new meaning to the expression "eat shit and die," it also promises to help out on a wide range of issues related to teh oldz and teh poorz living too long.