feces ... it's what's for dinner

Goodbye Anusburger, Hello Fecesburger!

Unsatisfied with a diet of subsidized-corn subsidized-oil subsidized industrial cattle farm e.coli anusburgers? Japan’s wacky scientists have a treat for you!

It’s being called the “poop burger”. Japanese scientists have found a way to create artificial meat from sewage containing human feces.

Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, has developed steaks based on proteins from human excrement. Tokyo Sewage approached the scientist because of an overabundance of sewage mud. They asked him to explore the possible uses of the sewage and Ikeda found that the mud contained a great deal of protein because of all the bacteria.

Is the entire north of Japan still radioactive, from those melting nuke reactors that continue to melt down, forever? Maybe the scientists could work on that waste. [Digital Trends]

Related

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

114 comments

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    I guess this is a case of the self-fulfilling prophecy, "I know you don't like to eat shit sandwiches because you don't like the taste of bread."

  2. SayItWithWookies

    Shades of the reburger from Yes Men. Please let this be satire — or do we really want to find out that some people are so poor they can't afford a shitburger?

    1. emmelemm

      Shit burger more expensive than regular burger, as must recoup years of R&D cost for the "raw sewage to your plate" transition.

  3. Lucidamente1

    As long as it's served by one of those sexbots they have over there, I'm ok with it.

  4. BloviateMe

    I'm at the point where if I see something weird and creepy, it's either going to be from Japan, or the GOP.

    1. proudgrampa

      If I could, I would upfist a dozen for that. Thanks, you made this story tolerable (otherwise, I would have thrown up a little in my mouth).

  5. elviouslyqueer

    Pity the poor marketeers who have to advertise this, uh, shit. Like, say, "Poop. It's what's for dinner." Or, "Poop, the other brown meat."

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      Kids( in unison): MOM! CAN WE HAVE SOME DOUBLE-PROCESSED BUNBURGERS, PLEASE!!

      Mom (wry exasperation): Oh, alright.

      *Catchy theme song*

      Announcer: "From our buns, to yours! IT'S BUNBURGERS! They've been digested once already, so you KNOW IT IS SMOOOOOOTH!"

  6. EatsBabyDingos

    M&M Mars announced the new "Reece's Feces" and "Reece's Feces Pieces," while Pampers, wanting to get in on the recycling boom, announced its new "Pampers Fingerpainters"

    1. emmelemm

      Wasn't there a skit on Saturday Night Live a few years ago about eating your baby's diapers? (uuuuugggghhhhhh)

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      He also eats groundhog entrails.

      Ground hog entrails are what they put in all the best pork link sausages.

  7. GuyClinch

    Oh good lord. Even the con-artists at InventHelp.com would've passed on this. No way I'm going to become a fecatarian.

    Eat shit and die.

  8. qwerty42

    …Is the entire north of Japan still radioactive, from those melting nuke reactors that continue to melt down, forever? Maybe the scientists could work on that waste.
    Please don't give this guy ideas like that. There is no telling what will be flavoring our fecesburgers. Not that we won't eat them anyway. cripes.

    1. AJWjr.

      My oldest brother used it as a hair product. Our mother decided that was a Kodak moment, and constantly embarrassed him in front of everybody.

  9. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Wow, that didn't take any time at all. Now that Ken is (mostly) gone, it's out with the anus burger, in with the poop burger.

  10. MissusBarry

    Too bad they're only exerimenting with human poo. Otherwise, my Great Dane could be a real cash cow.

    Throughout the article and comments, it has been a great test of will to keep my own (hopefully) feces-free lunch down, also, too.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Similarly, my stomach has requested to reenact any scene from the Alien sci-fi franchise. Just which scene is unclear. Things could go either way.

  11. DaRooster

    "Is the entire north of Japan still radioactive, from those melting nuke reactors that continue to melt down, forever? Maybe the scientists could work on that waste."

    Why when they can just tell you to go eat shit… and like it.

  12. LetUsBray

    My first thought was, who the hell do they think is going to eat such repackaged shit? But I'm sure they're counting on the same people who vote for Republicans to fuck them over.

  13. Redhead

    This makes me want to vomit. Except that's probably what they use to make the french fries.

  14. mumbly_joe

    Meh, just think of it as delivering all the E. coli, but eliminating the middle-man. And it probably tastes better than McDonalds or Burger King, at very least.

  15. mumbly_joe

    I'm assuming the Paul Ryan is hailing this development as an innovation of critical value to his ongoing plan to make the old and the poor eat shit and die.

  16. DashboardBuddha

    I wonder if it's like snacks made with Olestra. Uncontrolled anal leakage – it's the circle of life.

    1. proudgrampa

      Well, no.

      But true story: My son lives near Flagstaff, Arizona. Flagstaff is the home of a Purina Dog Chow factory: imagine the aroma of Dog Chow as it is being cooked, wafting everywhere. You do NOT want to live in that neighborhood…

  17. rambone

    Lucky for the Nipponese, half of America will eat anything so long as it's covered in batter and deep fried. The other half will eat it if you throw in the words "Asian Fusion."

  18. finallyhappy

    My dog once ate Rat jerky( a long dead totally dried flattened rat) which sounds better than the poop burger- if you ask me

    1. proudgrampa

      Another true story: my dog once ate a tampon. Yes, it was a used tampon. It got stuck in her stomach and I had to pay over $3000 for her surgery to remove it.

      I wish she had just eaten some poop.

  19. mourningnmerica

    Too late. Friday's already has these. They're made from diarrhea. They're called sliders.

  20. mourningnmerica

    I'm opening a franchise of this company, here stateside. Here's the tentative menu.

    1. The Duke of Hazard
    2. Shiese Fries
    3. The Semi Colon (like a Wendy's Jr. burger)
    4. Shitaco Grande
    5. Chicken Sphincters

  21. ttommyunger

    Poop goes in, poop goes out, poop goes in, poop goes out; never a miscommunication…but the halitosis would knock a Buzzard off a gut wagon.

  22. horsedreamer_1

    Don't associate Ben Affleck with this. The burger's already going to be the butt of enough jokes.

  23. sezme

    Whoop dee doo! They succeeded in reverse-engineering a McDonalds Quarter Pounder. Damn copycat Japanese… If they were really so smart, perhaps they could make some fecal nigiri sushi. Uni shouldn't be too difficult, and as a side bonus, the word for shit in Japanese in "Unchi" so the name wouldn't even have to change all that much.

  24. Mort_Sinclair

    After that whole bombing thing in Nagasaki and Hiroshima when the Japanese basically ignored orphaned children who were foraging for mice in between spitting out baby teeth and weaving blankets out of their own hair, I have to say this doesn't surprise me.

  25. ChapterUndVerse

    Not only gives new meaning to the expression "eat shit and die," it also promises to help out on a wide range of issues related to teh oldz and teh poorz living too long.

Comments are closed.