SNOWBILLY OFFSPRING NEWS  9:13 am June 16, 2011

Quitter Bristol Palin Moving Out of Bland Arizona Mansion

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

sad phoenix loses its queenProfessional quitters the Palin clan are working on their resume again: Bristol Palin is moving out of her Phoenix narcomansion only six months after she paid $172,000 in cash for it. She’s renting it out for $1,400 a month so that YOU TOO can wake up each day in the angry meth wonderland exurbs of Phoenix, Arizona with a new chin thinking about where your life went wrong. Why is Bristol abandoning this poorly landscaped foreclosure paradise? Does she not like John McCain anymore, wherever Walnuts is? No, she is supposedly moving to LA for her new reality show about how hard it is to have roommates and wake up in the morning and go to work, which is something many of us would like to monetize in today’s economy.

From E! News Online:

“Yes, it is for rent, but I have no further comment,” Palin tells E! News.

The five-bedroom pad she purchased back in December went on the market this week, said Nate Martinez of RE/MAX Professionals. The two-story house is 3,900 square feet, with 2.5 baths, a kitchen with an island, a big backyard and a three-car garage.

You see what Bristol did there? She answered a simple media question and then actually just stopped talking. Put Bristol Palin in charge of Sarah’s PR team! Maybe there is hope for America’s future, but probably not. [E! News]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 233 comments }

Barb June 16, 2011 at 9:16 am

The Palin's made the National Enquirer again this week! There is a story about how Sarah's mom, Sally was pregnant when she got married, Sarah was pregnant when she got married…..
That "abstinence only" thing is for your family and not hers.

Trollina Dumbass June 16, 2011 at 9:25 am

Yes, but…hey, Not-so-Breitbart has more wiener pics!

Oh, and Weiner pics, also.

V572 [SSAN] June 16, 2011 at 9:36 am

That never gets old. Or so the Repubes hope.

Katydid June 16, 2011 at 11:24 am

Can you please not type "pubes" when we're talking about Wiener, ever again? kthxbai

V572 [SSAN] June 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Thought he’d shaved ‘em, but heartily concur and will avoid such solecisms in the future, assuming he’s got one, which I don’t think he does.

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 9:43 am

But lost in all this talk of Palin's hypocrisy is one important point: they actually claim people should marry someone they've never even had sex with, one of the most moronic things a person can do.

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 9:58 am

Nothing wrong with on-the-job training. Because, obviously, to them, marriage is a job (making babies), not love.

Barb June 16, 2011 at 10:03 am

One interesting thing I got from Bailey's book was that Sarah sent someone else to tell the children that she was selected as the Veep running mate. There was no "family vote" where there were "3 yeahs, and one HELL yeah", as Palin stated. She and Todd got the kids on the plane under the guise of an anniversary celebration.

She can't even be honest with her children. She never taught Bristol to value herself or how to make her own way in life. The reality show gigs will dry up soon and she won't be able to save herself.

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

So, the "family vacation" to the East Coast isn't the first time Piper was scammed?

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 11:01 am

It sounds like Sarah has so much time lying she doesn't even know how to be honest anymore, even with her own children.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:08 pm

I think this is an old tradition, dating back to when pre-puberty marriages went out of style.

x111e7thst June 16, 2011 at 9:17 am

I thought Sarah had just purchased a house in Az. Maybe Bristol is just (wisely) running further from mom.

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 9:19 am

"I'll get you my pity, and your little black dawgs too. Ahahahahahahahahahaha!"

DaRooster June 16, 2011 at 10:32 am

Tryin' to miss the bus… as it were.

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 10:38 am

Palins move in, Palins move out. No one understands how it all works.

Katydid June 16, 2011 at 11:26 am

I have relatives in Scottsdale, and they told me word on the street, appropriately enough, is that Sister is moving into my uncle's part of town. There goes the neighborhood.

Barb June 16, 2011 at 9:19 am

"a big backyard and a three-car garage"
Funny, that is the same way Brisdull described her physique when she filled out a profile on Match.com.

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 9:23 am

Is she renting out her garage separately? I wonder if it would fit a Dodge Ram with Trucknutz???

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 9:26 am

That's just half the description. The listing notes you can fit "Like a million hot dogs in the hallway."

Chet Kincaid June 16, 2011 at 9:36 am

Plenty of room to rumpus.

Barb June 16, 2011 at 9:40 am

Let me fix your typo, Chet. Plenty of womb to rumpus.

DaSandman June 16, 2011 at 9:42 am

Then let the wild rumpus begin!

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 9:59 am

A Bristol sex-tape would, in fact, be preferable to the vomit Spike Jonze & Dave Eggers made of Where the Wild Things Are.

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 8:59 am

"Plenty of room to rumpus."

Is "rumpus" the new, up-to-the minute euphemism for buttsechs? Oh, you youngsters with your wacky slang and your inntertoobs and your cheezburger cats!

PsycWench June 16, 2011 at 9:47 am

I understand that a lot of men would be very interested in a good back door.

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 9:49 am

And a nice balcony.

deanbooth June 16, 2011 at 10:03 am

"My 'garage'? Well, ooh la di da, Frenchie. I call it my guy hole."

bflrtsplk June 16, 2011 at 9:21 am

Advice to prospective tenants: Comb every nook and cranny to assure that no stray out-of-wedlock children are left behind, especially in the meth lab.

Nothingisamiss June 16, 2011 at 9:43 am

Stray, out of wedlock children are BONUS!!!

ttommyunger June 16, 2011 at 9:21 am

Not what I heard. Word has it that she and Sheriff Joe R. Piehole had a tiff over who's on top. "Joe does have a cute way of getting on and off," cooed Bristle, "like a fucking steamroller!". She added: "A girl could smother under all that lard!".

donner_froh June 16, 2011 at 9:22 am

She could just wait a few weeks and collect the insurance payout. According the whole state on fire, even the sand.

Steverino247 June 16, 2011 at 9:24 am

"can wake up each day in the angry meth wonderland of Phoenix, Arizona with a new chin thinking about where your life went wrong."

I don't need to move to Phoenix to do that, thank you very much. Everywhere in this country is an angry meth wonderland these days…

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:07 am

"can wake up each day in the angry meth wonderland of Phoenix, Arizona with a new chin thinking about where your life went wrong."

Now I ask you, is that the proper attitude that we all want to take?
It does no good to dwell on where your life went wrong.
I prefer to look ahead to each new day, and anticipate all the possibilities for new ways to screw up my life that I haven't tried yet.

donner_froh June 16, 2011 at 9:24 am

Bristol with her own "reality" show, mom already had a show that didn't get renewed…pretty soon the Palins will be the hillbilly Kardashians.

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 9:29 am

hillbilly Kardashians

Redundant.

I'd go so far as to call them white trash, if it weren't true that every member of the clan is orange as a Boehner.

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 9:44 am

They actually bought a home tanning salon, remember.

prommie June 16, 2011 at 9:45 am

Boy, I hope its still OK to use the term "white trash." Some people, well, there's just no better description.

HistoriCat June 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

"Trailer trash" is more polite.

Then you can say "you can take the trash out of the trailer but …"

prommie June 16, 2011 at 10:21 am

Manufactured housing trash? My code word in public is "Earl," as in "My Name is Earl." Hey honey, look at that "Earl" over there," I will say to my wife. By their camoflage you shall know them.

An_Outhouse June 16, 2011 at 12:12 pm

unless you're talking to someone who lives in a trailer. its especially embarrassing when its a relative.

Katydid June 16, 2011 at 11:28 am

Hiya Prom! Long time no see. I missed ya, and I am in awe of you making the comment of the day. I am not worthy….

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:24 am

I've never seen the show, but it seems to me that the Kardashians' lovely raven hair, lovely olive complexions, and lovely gigantic asses would suggest some sort of Mediterranean ethnic group, rather than hillbillies.

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 9:32 am

Hell, she's even made herself look like a Cardassian with that plastic surgery.

Nothingisamiss June 16, 2011 at 9:45 am

Living in a family so fame hungry you WANT to be a Kardashian….

UpFistTroll June 16, 2011 at 9:47 am

Ah, but does she drink hot fish juice every morning?

(Nerd comment complete.)

HempDogbane June 16, 2011 at 9:25 am

Go west, young grifter, go west !

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 10:50 am

From Alaska everything is outside.
Makes no difference if you're refering to Seattle or Moscow (Idaho or Russia).
Arizona, California, whatever it's all outside to them.

Numbat_Dundee June 16, 2011 at 9:25 am

All I can think of is the fact that my house, in the poorest working class suburb of Melbourne, is worth about $450,000 (which at the moment is about $470,000 US). So if I sell it I can live in Arizona on the equity.
It's tempting. Except I would be living in Arizona.
Fuck me your American recession is real. Thank God we have mountains made of iron ore to sell to the Chinese and we don't believe in God. (I know I just said "Thank God we don't believe in God, but you get what I'm getting at).

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 9:29 am

You also have the Sex Party to take a lot of the sleaze out of politics.

donner_froh June 16, 2011 at 9:31 am

Throw in that all the women are tall, blond, beer drinking surfers (at least according to the ads) and Oz seems like a nice place to live.

V572 [SSAN] June 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

Uh, don't forget the $1,500/month for air conditioning, and $300/month for water if you want to grow anything but marble chips and gravel. Oh and if you want to get the hell out of that Sprawlville nowhere, you'll have to buy a few tankfuls of $4.50/gallon gas. So it's not as cheap as it sounds.

4TheTurnstiles June 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

Shit, dude. You can buy a whole neighborhood in Buffalo for a bag of porn and a case of Foster's. Bring some friends!

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 10:01 am

Wasting away again in Abbywintersville…

Pithaughn June 16, 2011 at 12:16 pm

No malware either!

Rotundo_ June 16, 2011 at 10:32 am

You may have more insects and snakes that can fatally sting you, more odd wildlife than you can shake a stick at, more odd invasive species (wait, strike that, Florida is taking over in that regard, rabbits and cane toads notwithstanding) and have a big piece of desert in the middle, but for pete's sake, stay there! When the moron revolt comes here and in Europe and the middle east, you folks will be the remains of humanity. Besides which, vegemite is impossible to find up here.

LesBontemps June 16, 2011 at 10:51 am

Besides which, vegemite is impossible to find up here.

There's a good reason for that, you know.

Terry June 16, 2011 at 10:46 am

She paid $172,000 for a five bedroom house because its in a craptastic area that had a huge real estate bubble. In the DC area if you want to live near town let alone near a Metro station, that amount might buy you a studio or one bedroom condo if you are willing to live in a sort of dodgy area.

anniegetyerfun June 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

The benefit to moving to the US is that people here can't get enough of Australian accents. We will hang on every word you say, even if you are just saying, "Fuck me, it's hot out here" or whatever adorable Aussie saying you have that's the equivalent of that.

techmom June 16, 2011 at 9:19 pm

My GPS has an Aussie woman's voice. She sends me in circles most of the time but I just love to hear her speak.

Pithaughn June 16, 2011 at 12:21 pm

You know, AZ is in the market for a really long fence, also. It's purpose is to defend our freedoms. In the US we are more frightened of dirt poor people willing to work like fiends instead of government undercover snoops who are actually spying illegally on us, if we dare to question our fascist overlords.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Where the Wounded Wombat Wails

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:33 am

"Thank God we don't believe in God."

I've often, and sadly, thought how much better off we'd all be if the religious nuts had evolved out of existence (ya see what I did there?), and the running of the country hadn't suffered from the sexual repression, authoritarian mindset, and dumbing-down that goes with them.

CapeClod June 16, 2011 at 9:26 am

Didn't anyone tell her that the whole 'Flip this House" thing ended 3 years ago?

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 9:32 am

Most people avoid saying "flip" around Bristol. She has the training of a keen pet expecting a treat. Standing to on her back in 2.3 seconds.

baconzgood June 16, 2011 at 9:27 am

How does this little tramp get a three-car garage while not working?!?!?!?!! I don't even have a garage. In fact I live in a van down by the river.

CapeClod June 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

If you could overcome that whole lack of initiative thing, you might have a promising career in motivational speaking.

V572 [SSAN] June 16, 2011 at 9:39 am

Waterfront property is always more expensive.

♪♪♬You take my hand, I'll take your hand…
Together, we can get away!
This much sadness is too much sorrow
It's impossible for me to stay…♪♫♬

4TheTurnstiles June 16, 2011 at 9:39 am

I live in a converted garage. Rent's going up, but at least I'm not… livin' in a van down by the river.

WIDTAP June 16, 2011 at 10:16 am

…and yet you still get 4 bars on the prepaid smartphone. Sweet!

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 10:26 am

RIP Chris Farley

You were never very funny — but, then, I never saw any of your movies (even I were in middle/high school at the time, prime Farley viewing years) — but you were from my town. Just, hopefully, your politics weren't the same as your brother, Jim Belushi Kevin Farley.

Pithaughn June 16, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Never funny? Who do you Think is funny then?

horsedreamer_1 June 17, 2011 at 10:24 am

In the Chris Farley hey-day, so early to mid nineties (call 'em '92-'96), I remember my comedy tastes being The Road to Wellville (classic, & terribly loaded cast (Anthony Hopkins, Bridget Fonda, Matthew Broderick, Dana Carvey, John Cusack)), NewsRadio, TV Nation (had never seen Roger & Me, but damn if I wasn't hooked from the start with TVN (I still often think of "My Day with Dr. Death"); &, little known fact, FOX once employed Michael Moore (after NBC game TVN the slip, FOX picked it up)), & Weezer's "Buddy Holly".

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 10:55 am

You should have gotten knocked up as a teenager.

That is my understanding of how it works.

Troubledog June 16, 2011 at 9:27 am

Thought she got that second chin taken care of. Or in Ally McBeal jargon, a waddle-ectomy.

trampndirtdown June 16, 2011 at 9:53 am

That was a couple of Gorditas ago.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:13 pm

They come back.

CapeClod June 16, 2011 at 9:27 am

Bristol, some real estate advice from James Joyce:

"Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past."

Happy Bloomsday, Wonketeers.

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 9:37 am

•"Welcome, O life! I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race."
- James Joyce

V572 [SSAN] June 16, 2011 at 10:43 am

Yet in pictures, Joyce never looks like the kind of guy who spent much time in the smithy.

Ever see John Huston's movie version of "The Dead"? Spectacularly good, very true to the story.

Grief_Lessons June 16, 2011 at 10:45 am

"His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead."

Try as you might, you can't find me a better sentence than that.

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 11:01 am
Katydid June 16, 2011 at 11:38 am

Stephen Colbert as Leopold Bloom (I think): http://photobucket.com/images/stephen-colbert-blo

You can buy the audio at audible.com: http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_2?asin=B002V8L

DaSandman June 16, 2011 at 9:28 am

And while she's out getting mo' famous, she's gonna have the kid babysat by Casey Anthony.

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 9:28 am

"she is supposedly moving to LA for her new reality show about how hard it is to have roommates and wake up in the morning and go to work"

I don't think Bristol has ever gone to work; nor will any she ever, or any other members of the Palin clan, work one day in their lives.

Arken June 16, 2011 at 10:01 am

I wouldn't say ever. Give them a few years for the star to fade and Bristol will be waitressing.

anniegetyerfun June 16, 2011 at 11:43 am

I call bullshit. You know she'll be on welfare.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:15 pm

There won't be any more welfare soon. You know that.

AJWjr. June 16, 2011 at 10:10 am

Yep. It's true what they say, about doing what you love and you never work a day in your life. Grifting is a blast!

GeneralLerong June 16, 2011 at 10:50 am

Y'mean, like Paris Hilton?

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 11:49 am

Yes, but somehow even less talented.

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 11:02 am

You obviously have no idea how hard full time grifting is.

Constantly on the hunt for the next mark, never able to sleep with both eyes closed, always on the move looking for the next hussle.

I'll take the higher education and career/consulting path anyday.

GOPCrusher June 16, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Which is probably the REAL reason she's trying to unload the house. When they shut off the water and electricity, she called the utility company to inform them that she is Brisket Palin. But they still wanted money.

weejee June 16, 2011 at 9:29 am

Isn't Palin and reality an oxymoran?

CalamityJames June 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

Isn't Palin and reality an oxymoran?

fixed

weejee June 16, 2011 at 10:35 am

Thnx

Ducksworthy June 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

Oxy(codone)moron.

Chillwaver June 16, 2011 at 9:31 am

Once again, I'm gonna laugh and laugh when the Snowbilly Klan runs out of money.

CrunchyKnee June 16, 2011 at 9:36 am

As long as there are scores of Hoveround riding fat tea baggers, sadly the Palins will never run out of funds.

Chillwaver June 16, 2011 at 9:45 am

Isn't their motto "Gimme your money, bitch" too?

FNMA June 16, 2011 at 10:07 am

I don't know. Maybe they're making wise investments in snow machines, meth futures and gold.

Rotundo_ June 16, 2011 at 10:42 am

The really wonderful thing will be that the books that come out will become more and more amusing. The more broke and desperate they become, the more cannibalistic and nasty they will become to one another and when the blood is in the water the stories will really start coming out. When they go down, they will go in a blaze of glory, with egos so huge and intellects so small it will be memorable. Bring beer and popcorn.

Mumbletypeg June 16, 2011 at 9:37 am

A young girl from a small town
With a very challenged imagination
Lay alone in her AZ mansion with her radio on
Looking for another diversion
When the static from Mama Grizzly's mouthpiece
Blared the news she'll been upstaged once mo';
Bristol Meth left her sandtrap for Hollywood
And put her picture in a Picture Show.

… and every time the media clicks another Palin pic
She leaks a little bit of soul.

whoa, ho ♪♫

proudgrampa June 16, 2011 at 10:02 am

Channeling Prine! I like it.

BaldarTFlagass June 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

Man, 8 days of vacation and you really get off your game. I can't even come up with something clever to say about this stupid twat.

HistoriCat June 16, 2011 at 10:19 am

Step it up son! Prommie scored Comment of the Day yesterday – whatcha gonna do about it?

Um, what I meant was "welcome back"

Lascauxcaveman June 16, 2011 at 11:30 am

Eh, I can't get my snark up for anything Palin anymore. The thrill is gone. We need some new targets, more interesting targets, but those Palins just keep wandering around downrange.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

They’re never going to rent that place unless they can get rid of the smell of narcissism and greed that permeates the house.

V572 [SSAN] June 16, 2011 at 9:45 am

Next few batches of meth should take care of that. Let's see…where's that recipe? Here:

Drain cleaner, brake fluid, gasoline additives, paint thinner, freon, camp stove fuel, ammonia, cold remedies, Hydrochloride, Hydriodic Acid, Red Phosphorus, Lye, Ether, Iodine Ephedrine.

Should clear the air nicely.

prommie June 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

For real? Jeeze, thats some scary list there.

Nothingisamiss June 16, 2011 at 9:51 am

Those are extra good add ons for the AZ market.

superdave June 16, 2011 at 9:39 am

$1400 for 3900 square feet? Geez. Here in Bethesda 1400 bucks will get you a basement room in a crack house.

Arken June 16, 2011 at 10:02 am

Yes, but you have things in Bethesda like fresh water.

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 10:10 am

And seasons.

Ducksworthy June 16, 2011 at 10:27 am

And Jawbs.

kissawookiee June 16, 2011 at 5:24 pm

And a lack of Maricopa County residents.

__kth__ June 16, 2011 at 10:13 am

also $180k to buy. Even in the cheap-land plains states, a house that size would run at least twice that. Really makes Phoenix sound like the new Youngstown, OH.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:19 pm

The collapse of the steel industry in Youngstown led to the political career of James Traficant. Anything like that on the horizon in AZ?

horsedreamer_1 June 17, 2011 at 10:26 am

They already have Sedonah. Beam me up!

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 11:08 am

Come to Manhattan, you can get a spot in the alley for $1,400 and a knife.
Of course if you want to be close to the dumpster, or near the warm air exhaust vent, that's gonna cost you more.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Presumably you need a partner, so you can take turns sleeping.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Bethesda might be more fun.

Goonemeritus June 16, 2011 at 9:39 am

Never understood why the youngins would chose to make decisions that limit their degrees of freedom. Why buy a house when renting makes sense. At that age you should be squatting in abandoned warehouses and your go to decorating tool should be Krylon spray paint.

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 9:47 am

Hey, I resemble that remark. As a matter of fact I just decorated my wall with a tennis ball coated in mismatched off-brand paint, and it looks damn good thank you very much.

Now if you'll excuse me, my single hobo bean just got done microwaving. Supper's up!

Goonemeritus June 16, 2011 at 10:55 am

That’s the spirit; my point isn’t that deprivation builds character it’s that investing in mock permanence at that age is sad it speaks to a lack of imagination.

Lascauxcaveman June 16, 2011 at 11:45 am

She was probably dumb enough to think that her $172k McMansion in the the wastelands was a good "investment." I mean how far can the market go down in an an ungodly hot place in the middle of nowhere with no water and no beauty (since the developments went up)?

Barb June 16, 2011 at 9:53 am

Honestly Goon, I think Bristol believes that money is a wonderful deodorant and she just had to make a grand gesture to make herself look like she's okay after her 2nd engagement to Levi fell apart.

V572 [SSAN] June 16, 2011 at 9:56 am

Because they're hoping to buy that winning housing-market lottery ticket, as happened in 1974-78, 1998-2006. Even though over the long run money in the bank makes you more than owning a house, everybody fixates on those stories from the Good Years.

Of course when you do win that lottery you feel rich and go out and buy a bigger house, and go back to where you started. Almost nobody's got the self-control to go short on housing, sell out at the top and move into a rental. Except Goldman Sachs, but they weren't betting their own houses, just yours and mine.

weejee June 16, 2011 at 10:57 am

None Icky?

(Ikea in Englush phoneyics – when two vowels are side-by-side and doing the nasty, you say the first one's name and downfist the second)

ThundercatHo June 16, 2011 at 11:04 am

Don't forget the posters and hippie tapestries.

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 11:12 am

You have to consider the source — The Atlantic, produced & read by a monied gentry, would love nothing more than property ownership to return to its prior status as citizen-making — but I remember reading this in the print issue & being impressed by it.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2007/

Beowoof June 16, 2011 at 9:41 am

I heard the black widow spiders and the scorpions were celebrating the departure of this evil.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 16, 2011 at 9:42 am

What a cuntry we live in.
~

meufchelou June 16, 2011 at 9:43 am

In NYC, This is what you get for $1,400 in Bushwick. http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/abo/2443657876….

So, the agonizing choice–Bushwick or Bristol's?

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Didn't you see the note that the pics are not of the same apartment? Probably you'd get the broom closet or the space under the sink or something.

freakishlywrong June 16, 2011 at 9:46 am

There's a joke in here about Phoenix's rising from ashes, and Palin's torching every thing they get near, but I've a horrible head cold and can't find the funny. I'll keep swilling my hot toddy and get back to y'all.

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 10:26 am

Get t' feelin' better!!!

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 9:46 am

Watching them is like an ongoing public exhibition of why most lottery winners go bankrupt within a few years.

prommie June 16, 2011 at 9:49 am

When do we do the Bristol Stomp?

Nothingisamiss June 16, 2011 at 9:49 am

I wish I had your optimism. It's so early for me to be completely inconsolate!

Beetagger June 16, 2011 at 9:50 am

I wonder what Prommie will write about this.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

Probably something like "When do we do the Bristol Stomp? "

P.S. Congrats on getting that 113th pee, Prommie. I was beginning to wonder if they even gave those things out anymore.
~

mrblifil June 16, 2011 at 10:06 am

Your obsession with prommie's p-ness seems unwholesome to me. Keep it up.

prommie June 16, 2011 at 10:26 am

I concur, unwholesomness is my reason for being. I am available, I just want to add, for those who wish to express their congratulations and/or admiration by bestowing upon me sexual favors.

prommie June 16, 2011 at 10:27 am

"Bristols" is cockney rhyming slang for "titties," the phrase "Bristol Cities" ryhming with "titties." I am working on something that follows down that vein.

Ducksworthy June 16, 2011 at 10:33 am

You got downfisted for that? I think it was because you mentioned our Santorum covered downfister in your reply to Beets.

dizzeeboy June 16, 2011 at 10:53 am

Don't forget the cockney slang term for her mom, "Berkshire Hunt."

prommie June 16, 2011 at 10:59 am

Its ironic, isn't it, that the Berskhire claims she named Bristol after the city of Bristol?

CapeClod June 16, 2011 at 9:51 am

OT:
The New York Times says that Weiner told friends that he's quiting.
I guess he decided that only dead fish go with the flow.

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 9:56 am

So this means it's official – a Democrat strays one tiny little bit, doesn't really do anything, but it's the worst thing in the world, the media will turn him into a monster and his party will turn on him. Meanwhile, a Republican politician could rape children on camera and still get re-elected.

Oh, and this will makes that vile evil scum piece of shit Andrew Breitbart happy, which is even worse. Hopefully a truck runs over him today.

freakishlywrong June 16, 2011 at 10:05 am

Shorter Sorosbot: IOKIYAR

CapeClod June 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

"Oh, and this will makes that vile evil scum piece of shit Andrew Breitbart happy, which is even worse. Hopefully a truck runs over him today."

It could happen. I expect that he will spend much of today drunk on his own self-importance and tequila.

Nothingisamiss June 16, 2011 at 10:25 am

That's how he spends every day, of course.

4TheTurnstiles June 16, 2011 at 10:20 am

It's time to get one of theirs.

freakishlywrong June 16, 2011 at 10:28 am

Twit for twat.

Nothingisamiss June 16, 2011 at 10:29 am

Double what freakishlywrong says. Run again, and tell them to suck it…now that they know how big it is. WTF, Dems?!?!!!! I knew we kept our noses in books and didn't fist fight with the othe kids, but we really are RIGHT. There's no teacher anymore that will give us that secret smile and tell us it'll be better when we're grownups.

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 11:02 am

Just in: "Democratic leaders had been threatening to strip Weiner of his committee assignments……………."

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 11:21 am

You don't want to see what he's packing under those committee ass'ign ments

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Quitting what? Showing off his underpants? I think he should just go whole hog and get a New Guinea penis sheath! That and the bird-of-paradise feather headdress and the boar tusk in the nose and he'd really get attention! PNG is cheap and warm, too.

Noman June 16, 2011 at 9:59 am

Weiner tried to deal with his sexual proclivities several times since the Dems took complete control of Congress in January, 2007, but Republicans filibustered him.

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 10:10 am

Lately your trolling attempts at humor don't even make any sense. It's impossible to tell what you're even trying to get at here.

Lascauxcaveman June 16, 2011 at 11:56 am

Lol. Bloomsday-style trolling?

The snotgreen sea. The TruckNutz®tightening sea…

Noman June 16, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Don't feel bad, not everyone gets snark.

horsedreamer_1 June 17, 2011 at 10:29 am

Nor does every House of Congress get a filibuster.

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

And I bet you dropped a sexual proclivity on your stomach this morning. I guess you got tired of filibustering in your own mouth.

el_donaldo June 16, 2011 at 9:59 am

Maybe the garage wasn't big enough for Mom's bus? Or they couldn't set up a mini-Fox studio in the dirt yard without it looking too ghetto?

With the Palin family's inflated sense of importance, I suggest they move on to buying mega-churches for homes. I think that would set the right tone for their fans, and Todd could build an indoor snowmobile/ATV track.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Don't you suppose Bristle wants to stay as far from Mama Grisly as possible? I don't MG is fun to live with. Go live with Shayley Tripp, learn a trade (or two).

SorosBot June 16, 2011 at 10:07 am

Not just cuckholding, raping his wife.

mrblifil June 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

I also have a feeling that at some point their swords may have crossed, if you will.

HurricaneAli June 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

Does she not like John McCain anymore, wherever Walnuts is?

Where's Walnuts!? Try one of his umpteen houses. You think Walnuts is hanging out in AZ when it's burning down to a desert cinder? Hell no – and this is another thing that bothers the shit out me with all these "primary residence" homes these fucks accumulate throughout their robber baron careers, in and out of government. Romney may have voted illegally in New Hampshire? Really? Big surprise. So Bristol's starting her own collection and in 10-15 years we'll see a well-groomed real estate collector running for Governor of the Marshall Islands because USA America will be a pile of ashes and smoke.

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 10:31 am

Funny how the voter fraud is almost always Republican.

& funnier how the media — save Rachel, who prolly saw it at MotherJones.com — never calls them on it.

& funniest? Kathy Nickolaus still has a job.

HurricaneAli June 16, 2011 at 10:34 am

I never would have known about Romney's alleged illegal activities or the sane, openly-gay presidential candidate if it hadn't been for Rachel Maddow. Love you, Rachel WOOT!

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 11:17 am

Didn't the Editor whose Name We Dare Not Speak have a Karger post awhile ago? Isn't Ol' Fred just a stunt candidate to help take down Romney for the sake of the "real" fiscal conservatives in the party?

HurricaneAli June 16, 2011 at 11:38 am

Hmm, don't remember, but if anyone has the juice to take Romney out of the race in at least one state, I'm okay with it.

I also said NH and I meant MA, my bad.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 9:01 pm

I think ashes and smoke will be quicker than that. But I've intuited so for the last 15 years, so who knows?

HurricaneAli June 16, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I remember that you are in China and you are dealing with your own wildfires, right now – all I can say is I wake up in the morning and smell woodsmoke and the words "America is on fire" go through my head. It is a not a therapeutic routine.

Sorry, no snark :-(

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

In other news, the Palins officially changed their family crest to an ATM.

HistoriCat June 16, 2011 at 10:16 am

I'll take the floor – I promise I won't be any trouble at all!

hagajim June 16, 2011 at 10:19 am

Famewhores the lot of them. A pox upon their houses – and ours – for the fact that this is even a story.

freakishlywrong June 16, 2011 at 10:19 am

We actually recorded ourselves once, back in the day, on the shroomies, to see if everything was funny, or if we were just fucking funnier. We listened to it stone cold sober. We were fucking funny as shit.

Lascauxcaveman June 16, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Did that too, with some guys in my band, back in the day. Those guys were pretty brilliant sober, but on shrooms the funny tended to giddy joyfulness. Very fun times.

But on the other hand, when I did them with two other friends, one of them had an extreme anxiety attack, repeating a hundred times, "What if I don't come down!?" This was a guy I used to smoke dope with regularly, but the shrooms were just way too much for him. Took several hours of feeding him beers to get his head back in a mellow place.

Lesson? They're definitely not for everybody.

AJWjr. June 16, 2011 at 10:22 am

All that hard ass-work is paying off.

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 5:56 pm

That's some mighty fine hyphenatin' there.

HistoriCat June 16, 2011 at 10:24 am

"Griffiths hopes his research could help persuade the FDA to legalize psilocybin for therapeutic use"

Good luck with that …

DashboardBuddha June 16, 2011 at 10:36 am

$1400/month for such a big house? That sounds like a deal…but then, I'm unfamiliar with home and rentals rates in Hell.

Grief_Lessons June 16, 2011 at 10:59 am

Depends on the circle, according to Dante. You're not going to get anything in circle one (Limbo) or two (lust) for less than $2500/month. For fourth circle (avarice/Palin) this is competetively priced and she'll likely net a gain as she moves to circle seven (fraud/Los Angeles).

BTW Mom has a place reserved in circle 8 subsecion 5: corrupt politicians immersed in boiling pitch.

DashboardBuddha June 16, 2011 at 11:16 am

BTW Mom has a place reserved in circle 8 subsection 5: corrupt politicians immersed in boiling pitch.

I have never been a fan of reality shows – hate them in fact. However, I would religiously watch a show based on that premise.

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 10:36 am

If you mean researching martial options with sexy time try-outs, I believe that is a species wide hobby all year round.

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 8:41 am

Ordinarily, I'd avoid the cheap nitpicky joke about, "And also marital as well as martial", but that family loves guns so much I'm not sure your "typo" wasn't a Freudian slip.

riverside68 June 17, 2011 at 9:02 am

Did I leave my dick in your lady parts?

I mean opps, I guess I slipped up there, I don't know what I was thinking.

Rotundo_ June 16, 2011 at 10:37 am

Them Palins can sure pick 'em. Considering the alternatives in AK, I suppose Brisdull thought he seemed to be a pretty good catch at the moment. Is it still 14:59:00:00:00 ?

franco_pinyon June 16, 2011 at 10:43 am

I know that the new reality (?) show is supposed to be set in LA, but can't you just see her blending right in to "Jersey Shore?"

HistoriCat June 16, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Sweeps cross-over spectacular!

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Run it during Shark Week.

PsycWench June 16, 2011 at 10:43 am

No, that sounds about right. Depends on the recipe.

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 10:44 am

5 bedrooms! Fuck that cunt. My college educated (graduated with honors) daughter has a one bedroom over a garage and is actually working.

Hell, maybe I should have turned her into a loser like Bristol. It seems to pay well.

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 11:23 am

teen pregnancy as a career path is underrated.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Send her here to China for a year. If she's blonde, so much the better.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 16, 2011 at 10:48 am

My last trip was at the Renaissance Fair in Minnesota. I thought my smile muscles would never heal.

easybaked June 16, 2011 at 10:50 am

The real reason that she had to sell:

The local homeowners were tired of the long lines of frat boys on the sidewalk every night waiting for the 'Bristol Train.'

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 10:57 am

At least she would "keep the line moving forward" by taking 3 at a time.

FlipperAZ June 16, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Like there are colleges in Maricopa

NorthStarSpanx June 16, 2011 at 10:58 am

Why don't we quit monetizing and weaponizing the Palin offspring? They go first.

Redhead June 16, 2011 at 11:07 am

This one is just too easy. Almost as easy as Bristol herself.

genxr June 16, 2011 at 11:11 am

Truly she is setting an example for all teenage single mothers to follow.

horsedreamer_1 June 16, 2011 at 11:13 am

So, you are (one of the) Wonkette, Jrs.?

Lascauxcaveman June 16, 2011 at 11:31 am

That Betty Crocker chick is pretty hot.

(350° for one hour or until golden brown)

Callyson June 16, 2011 at 11:33 am

No, she is supposedly moving to LA for her new reality show
Oh God–I haven't even finished my morning coffee, only to find that *this* is my new neighbor?
Fuck it, I'm going back to bed…

orygoon June 16, 2011 at 11:34 am

Can't you outright BUY foreclosed tract houses in Feenix for 14K?

J Rbt. Oppenheiner June 16, 2011 at 11:39 am

Yeah, but their blacks are SO much blacker, so it evens out.

anniegetyerfun June 16, 2011 at 11:43 am

Posters of bin Laden?

SenileAgitation June 16, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I wish she would rent it to porn producers. Specifically to the Nailin' Palin bunch for a mother+daugher+AZ illegals sequel.

horsedreamer_1 June 17, 2011 at 10:32 am

Anchor Bangin'.

GOPCrusher June 16, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Karma, like revenge, is a dish best served cold.

BarackMyWorld June 16, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Brainiac probably JUST realized Arizona gets really hot during the summer months.

lochnessmonster June 16, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Some day these people will wake up and realize their minds and bodies have been taken over by aliens…and not the little brown ones either. it's the only explanation I can think of for their behavior.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 9:19 pm

No, some people are just slow-witted and short-sighted. I'm afraid most of humanity are a bunch of idiot savants, me included.

GOPCrusher June 16, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Sounds like his district is going away in 2012. But I'm with you, fuck em. It isn't like he was trolling for random gay bathroom sex in the Minneapolis Airport.

Steverino247 June 16, 2011 at 1:32 pm

That was a very interesting blog post. No surprise, though. Whores and pimps, all of them.

Numbat_Dundee June 16, 2011 at 7:05 pm

I live in an area largely populated by Vietnamese immigrants. So tall and blonde is not a description of the women. Not that I'm complaining :). Besides, Melbourne has a more European feel to it. It has cold winters, people wear black a lot, read books, are left wing and avoid the sun.

horsedreamer_1 June 17, 2011 at 10:19 am

Must be a real Dong show. & now Elviously Queer is jealous.

zhubajie June 16, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Interesting. Ms Tripp strikes me as intelligent. Using prostitutes as part of business negotiations is common in China, as well.

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 8:37 am

"The two-story house is 3,900 square feet, with 2.5 baths, a kitchen with an island, a big backyard and a three-car garage"

And she only paid $172,000. for it???
I gotta say, either real estate is a LOT cheaper in Phoenix than it is in Portland, or Whistle is crowding my throne as the Queen of Bargain Hunters.

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:02 am

Well, that, and because they don't have any teeth.

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:19 am

Peggy Hill FTW!!

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:44 am

"the new boyfriend, the one who posted on Facebook about wanting/liking to have sex with fat girls with Down Syndrome"

Chris Griffin?

FannyBurney June 17, 2011 at 9:49 am

No, Gino.

Fare la Volpe June 16, 2011 at 10:32 am
tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:10 am

"My code word in public is "Earl," as in "My Name is Earl." Hey honey, look at that "Earl" over there,""

When we lived in NC, we used to refer to them as "Dwayne and Tammy".

riverside68 June 16, 2011 at 10:47 am

That hurt my eyes. You really should have posted a warning.

MissusBarry June 16, 2011 at 12:28 pm

This made my day. And must never be shown to my Barry, not to be confused with the president oft referred to by the same name. He has some redneck tendencies I strive to keep in the closet, much like the entire male population of the rethugs tries to do with themselves.

tessiee June 17, 2011 at 9:18 am

A few of those dresses would probably also camouflage a belly up to about four months or so.

Dudleydidwrong June 18, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Don't see a damn thing wrong with those. What other wedding dress could you wear while deer hunting or pheasant shooting? I'll bet Cheney's wife wore one when they tied the noose, or knot.

anniegetyerfun June 16, 2011 at 11:39 am

You guys really should try meth. Other than the explosions, it has so many benefits, and it's a great way to stimulate the economy.

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