WIN OF THE AFTERNOON  5:07 pm June 15, 2011

Comment of the Day: ‘That’s Our Unicorn!’

by Wonkette Jr.

Win for You, and a Massive Loss for America.In the Diminished Expectations Department, Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama-lovin’ leftists for having liberal ideals is one of those things that warrants a very reasonable response like, Eh I’m never voting again and also am going to BLOW UP AMERICA, even though such a response will also result in Obama’s Justice Department persecuting you. But our prize-winning Commenter of the Day notes that we just need to put all of this in perspective, and only then is it appropriate to weep openly and respond to all of Obama’s fund-raising spam with violent rhetoric, which will also lead to Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama’s supporters, again, forever.

Prommie writes in the comments to this post about the above-mentioned Nixonian horrorshow:

This is a little bit scary, yes, a tad unsettling, but then you read elsewhere in the news that the Whitehouse has also announced a major initiative to crack down hard on marijuana, the killer weed that is luring so many of our young women into white slavery and destroying the lives of so many young men, turning them into axe-wielding homicidal maniacs, then you realize, Obama has his priorities straight. Wars and conflagrations, double-dip depression, rampant financial fraud and market manipulation, unlimited political propagandizing and electioneering by the billionaire corporatocracy, voter suppression, corruption and conflict of influence even on the Supreme Court, and Obama is going after dirty hippie peaceniks, union organizers, and pot smokers. That’s our Unicorn!

And that’s the Win of the Afternoon! Enjoy Gitmo, Prommie!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 125 comments }

FrenchTwist40 June 15, 2011 at 5:09 pm

First they came for the penis-twitters and I said nothing…

Tommmcattt June 15, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Oh sure, give it to Prom. At this rate I'll be the Bob Hope of Wonkettte.

nounverb911 June 15, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Always a bridesmaid never a bride.

elviouslyqueer June 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Always the power bottom, never the top.

Tommmcattt June 15, 2011 at 6:02 pm

You need to come visit me and we'll see how that goes.

Terry June 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm

No, the Susan Lucci of Wonkette.

tessiee June 15, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Today, we are all the Susan Lucci of Wonkette.

PS. I wouldn't mind aging as well as she has.

SmutBoffin June 15, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Could be worse. I'm in Rodney Dangerfield territory.

nounverb911 June 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

We still respect you in the morning.

natoslug June 15, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Could be worse. I'm in Andrew Dice Clay territory. That's still a step or two above Carrot Top Territory, right? [sobs]

HistoriCat June 16, 2011 at 9:59 am

Everything is a step or two above Carrot Top Territory.

mourningnmerica June 15, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Yeah, me too. What about me? I was stepped over !!! I'm smaht. Not dumb, like everyone says, I'm smaht, and I want RESPECT, Jr. !!!

dr_giraud June 15, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Who ya gonna take with you to Afghanistan for Christmas, Bob, Ann Margaret or Stella Stevens?

Tommmcattt June 15, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Stormy Daniels and Johnny Angel.

prommie June 16, 2011 at 9:53 am

Stormy, I sigh whenever I hear her name; if I ever hear that she is making a strip club appearance within 500 miles, I swear I am going to see her. I love that dangerously sharp, sculpted beak of hers. And the ginormous tatas.

Tommmcattt June 16, 2011 at 12:30 pm

I feel that way about Johnny Angel, probably the hottest porn star that ever existed.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 15, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Today was not a good day for Lionel[redacted]Esq.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 15, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I feel for you Tommm, as I had hopes that our little limerick from yesterday would capture the cold heart of our hot overlords.

V572 [SSAN] June 15, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Looked like a winner when it appeared. Well done, Prommie!

Barb June 15, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Does Prommie get water boarded now?

anniegetyerfun June 15, 2011 at 6:58 pm

We're pitching it as a trip to a Fantastic Funland and Waterslides Park Adventure!

metamarcisf June 15, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Does this mean no more fart jokes on Wonkette?.

Terry June 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm

We could give Prommie a 21 toot salute

elviouslyqueer June 15, 2011 at 5:20 pm

MOAR POOP JOKES.

Not_So_Much June 15, 2011 at 10:28 pm

No, but it does mean it should also involve Santorum and buttsecks.

4TheTurnstiles June 15, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Oh sweet, another Wonkette Jr? you are legion

nounverb911 June 15, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Wonkette Jr. Jr.?

Peace in our time June 15, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Wonkette Jr.²

flamingpdog June 15, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Legion heir.
Run if he/she/both coughs.

pinkocommi June 15, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I am all hoped out.

nounverb911 June 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Got any change left?

Nothingisamiss June 15, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Really Comment of the day comment win.

Radiotherapy June 15, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Congratulations Prommie.
And don't worry about the five blacked-out Suburbans that just pulled up in your driveway. I'm sure they're just bringing you a little plaque or an upfist or something.

Preferred Customer June 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Suburbans? Government Motors!!!1

Barb June 15, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Ugh, does this mean the rest of us have to try harder now?

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm

It is an excuse for me to drink more, I think.

natoslug June 15, 2011 at 6:22 pm

That's what she said.

[edit: Yes, I hate myself for even thinking that]

Radiotherapy June 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Barb, you said harder, hehe.

Duly_Noted June 15, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Can someone explain to me Obama's left-wing agenda again?

hagajim June 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Sure – it's to act like a lesser asshole than W.

gvvt June 15, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Google "The Schlieffen Plan"

Angry_Marmot June 15, 2011 at 5:57 pm

He calls whenever he gets horny, every four years or so. Kind of like dating a Vulcan.

mourningnmerica June 15, 2011 at 6:13 pm

I'm about ready to send the President a codpiece. Then, the likeness would be complete. Oh, what could have been…

Radiotherapy June 15, 2011 at 7:12 pm

It's somewhere to the right of Reagan.

nounverb911 June 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm

What happens if the best comment of the day comes while we are commenting on the best comment of the day? Do we get a do-over?

hagajim June 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm

I just Hope that Prommie doesn't get persecuted, or downfisted.

mourningnmerica June 15, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Or a big head.

flamingpdog June 15, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Award the best comment of the day to Downfisty and see how many minutes it takes before it gets downfisted.

elviouslyqueer June 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Dear Wonkette Jr.

I will willingly bonk your brains out in order to get Comment of the Day/Week/Semester. Unless, of course, you have ladyparts, in which case I will do your hair, gently criticize your wardrobe, borrow your shoes, and cuddle with you while watching various and sundry rom-coms.

Just FYI.

EQ

Barb June 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm

OMG! I just choked on my Diet Pepsi, you bitch! I hate you. (call me)

Nothingisamiss June 15, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Wait! He's mine!

(fucking funny comments.)

mourningnmerica June 15, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Elvious, THAT was the best comment of the day. I salute you.

emmelemm June 15, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Definitely a contender for best comment ever.

I would love my hair done, you may criticize my wardrobe and borrow my shoes, but I hate hate HATE rom coms.

anniegetyerfun June 15, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Why discriminiate? Sure, ladyparts, but everyone has an asshole that could use some attention.

UW8316154 June 15, 2011 at 11:27 pm

EQ, you are simply fabulous, you little flirt.

One of the best evah.

Negropolis June 16, 2011 at 2:32 am

Hey, that's cheating!

ifthethunderdontgetya June 15, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Nice job Prommie, I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but…

I have to give a shout out to metamarcisf.

(Warning: link is to a Rick Asstley video.)
~

metamarcisf June 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Wow. That's better than a 21 fart salute!

Beetagger June 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I didn't know this was a contest. Prommie raised the bar.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 15, 2011 at 5:31 pm

He'll be tweeting pics of it shortly.
~

Nothingisamiss June 15, 2011 at 6:14 pm

AT a bar.

fuflans June 15, 2011 at 8:29 pm

and now we will all be eating each other for capitalizms.

flamingpdog June 16, 2011 at 1:34 am

I need another drink. Please help raise me up to the bar.

harry_palmer June 15, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Although when the award post began "In the Diminished Expectations Department" I momentarily thought they talking about me …

SayItWithWookies June 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Sure, get a fancy short name (remember Promnightdumpsterbaby?) and a fancy new award, Prommie ya sellout! Congrats!

CapeClod June 16, 2011 at 8:31 am

Thank you for reminding me of Prommie's original Nom de Guerre. I miss the days of long avatar names.

Eve8Apples June 15, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Excellent observation Prommie.

I always wondered why unicorns have horns on their foreheads. Now I know they use them to ass-rape their political supporters.

anniegetyerfun June 15, 2011 at 7:01 pm

They are ridged for your pleasure, so you'll bend over and take it. And you'll like it.

NewYorkJew June 15, 2011 at 5:35 pm

The Nobel Prize … The MacArthur Genius Prize … A grant from the NEH …

Wonkette Comment of the Day …

Another reason to feel like a failure.

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Geezus, I had a two hour meeting where the crew snickered at me when I suggested an artist jerk off the detail on a model leaving a hole in its place.

Granted, we were previously discussing a game character that was lacking his trousers.

Congrats Prommie!!! Have a drink on me!

Nothingisamiss June 15, 2011 at 6:15 pm

What is it that you do, again?

natoslug June 15, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Jerk models off. Read, dammit!

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Computer Games. 20 years. Mainly was just missing the action on Wonkette for a couple of hours and Prommie's “prize”.

Tommmcattt June 15, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Can you bring back "Zork"? I liked "Zork".

jus_wonderin June 16, 2011 at 7:53 am

LOL. Sure! Well, we'd have to get the rights first, I think.

sezme June 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Congrats, Prommie – well earned.

You know, in 2008, I made an effort to vote for Obama from Canada. It was a surprising amount of work, lots of forms to fill out and mail to registrars in small towns in Wisconsin, and so on. Anyway, from now on, I think maybe I'll concentrate on Canadian politics (apart from entertainment purposes of course), because that damn donkey/unicorn bit me in the ass again as he always does.

Rotundo_ June 15, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Come back down and vote again in Scooter's recall election: Elections matter and every vote counts!

sezme June 15, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Yeah, that one might be worth it.

fuflans June 15, 2011 at 8:35 pm

i just heard a piece about the toronto mayor being as close to a bagger as a canadian can be.

is this TRUE?

i was going to take my newly minted passport and move up there but not if there's a fucking bagger on lake ontario too.

sezme June 15, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Well, he is the scum of this earth – perhaps not quite a teabagger in scope, but close enough to pretty near ruin the city in a few more years. The only saving grace is that he's so very stupid. He's like that slow kid in grade two who learned that 2+2=4 and so now thinks that 4 is pretty much the answer for every question. That he got himself elected should be an embarrassment to all Torontonians. (Actually it was the Toronto equivalent of the red states, the so-called "inner suburbs" that voted for him).

You could always come and join the Résistance, though.

fuflans June 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

he sounded dumb as a box of rocks. the interviewer confused him with 'facts' (that cities like paris and new york and london (UK) are INCREASING bike lanes / usage and he is re-championing the age of the car.)

this is why i thought he was a bagger.

Negropolis June 16, 2011 at 11:13 pm

He is a bagger. Read up on the guy. He's worse than some of the Republicans that get elected in major cities down south.

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Could we use Howard Dean's vocalization as our battle cry?

"Wahahahhahahahharggahhhhahggggghhhh!"

nounverb911 June 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I hear Kucinich is moving to Washington State. He can run in my district.

DemonicRage June 15, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I actually started rereading 1984 the day they caught Bin Laden, because Bin Laden was being hyped just like Emmanuel Goldstein in that book. If you go to Google and type in the words: Who was the enemy of the state in Orwell's 1984, there's a link to an article by a university professor who drew comparisons between Bin Laden and Emmanuel Goldstein.

NickDanger007 June 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Cornel Wilde was right, Obama is just Wall Street's mascot. He'll do whatever they want.

Chet Kincaid June 15, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Yes! Look up this Cornel Wilde's bio, in the Wikamapedia.

Cicada June 15, 2011 at 8:23 pm

I love Cornel Wilde. He's my favorite author after Nome Chompsly.

Chet Kincaid June 15, 2011 at 8:55 pm

"The only thing worse than having your business in the street, Brother Obama, is NOT having your business in the street."

Chet Kincaid June 15, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Gnome Chompsly? Isn't that Cee Lo Green's band with them English white boys?

Cicada June 15, 2011 at 9:53 pm

That's Choward Sin. Easy mistake to make.

sati_demise June 15, 2011 at 6:02 pm

war is peace, and that is all you need to know.

Angry_Marmot June 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm
ChapterUndVerse June 15, 2011 at 11:16 pm

The Beat goes on.

MilwaukeeKent June 16, 2011 at 12:05 am

What are you two Howling about? Did you see an egg under a truck or something?

mormos June 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm

this is how your country dies; not with a bang and a shout, but with a quiet whimper, suffocated beneath the weight of bureaucracy and greed.

Tundra Grifter June 15, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Personally, I'll be happy to finally get to a 3-digit p.

Talk about your diminished expectations…

Eve8Apples June 16, 2011 at 10:04 am

I gave you a complimentary upfist on the house.

GhostBuggy June 16, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Yes, more pee for you. For us all!

Nothingisamiss June 15, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Switch the ticket. Tom on top.

weejee June 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Congrats Prommie, you finally scored a date to the dance.

UW8316154 June 15, 2011 at 11:33 pm

I better not be reading about any dumpster babies in the morning.

mumbly_joe June 15, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Honestly, I'm pretty convinced the real long-term successes the teatard party had wasn't the damage caused by the lunatics they got elected, and promptly petitioned for recall, but rather that they dramatically shifted the definition of "moderate" rightwards and the defintiion of "notaracist" to include some pretty blatant, overt racism.

So, what I'm saying is, we'd need to build momentum around the notion that Kucinich is iffy, at best, and Bernie Sanders is practically a DINO (technically true!)

nounverb911 June 15, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Sheriff Dave must go!

anniegetyerfun June 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm

I refuse to put any effort into attempting to be clever in order to win approval from the powers that be. But then, you all probably know that already, based on what I have said so far on teh Wonkette.

sportshort June 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm

O bomb 'er once fer me, o bomb 'er once for you
O bomb 'er for the cunts who wave the red and white and blue.

ta da.

Numbat_Dundee June 15, 2011 at 7:32 pm

And I thought he meant to inhale.

Fred_Wertham_Jr June 15, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Prommie was funny until he sold out, man.

JustPixelz June 15, 2011 at 8:11 pm

I'm getting weepy like a Boehner at a Julia Roberts movie. I remember Prommie when he/she was a wee thing with only 85 "p" points. And now … now … I'm sorry, I can't go on.

hollywooddood June 15, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Prommie, you might have won the day, but my boobs are still bigger than yours.

prommie June 15, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Moobs, or boobs?

prommie June 15, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Wow, cool, thank you, Nameless Wonkette overlord who decided to award me this honor. I just have to say, in response to some comments, that I am not worried about blacked-out suburbans or gitmo, no, I am worried that now I will be the target of Breitbart's fucktard legions of cellar-dwelling, cheetos-encrusted stalkers, who I fear are already hard at work tracking down all of my penis-pics so they can send them to my family and employer, as is their usual MO of psychopathic stalkery shitbaggery.

sezme June 15, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Don't worry about the penis-pics; I'll take the fall for you, man. Wait, are you cut or uncut?

GeneralLerong June 16, 2011 at 12:23 am

Maybe you can "make a suggestion" to LulzSec.

Protection money enters a new era.

CapeClod June 16, 2011 at 8:40 am

Congrats, prommie.
And don't worry about Breitbart getting your pictures. They're happy enough just to make shit up about you.

MiniMencken June 16, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Come the Revolution, the Breitbartians will be liquidated as a class. Keep baiting them. We at the Spartacist League are on the job!

ChapterUndVerse June 15, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Wow, and I was thinking, that's resume material.

ttommyunger June 16, 2011 at 8:41 am

To be honored by an organization low enough to include me as a member-humiliating!

sezme June 15, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Ha ha … you haven't seen my basement! How much Ameros you got?

SarcasticNymph June 18, 2011 at 3:07 am

Looking for a wife? I'm looking for health insurance and a saner country.

mrblifil June 16, 2011 at 12:58 am

Reading plaudits about Prommie's outstanding contributions was an excellent excuse for me to rationalize drinking while axe sharpening.

Negropolis June 16, 2011 at 2:35 am

The prom kings always win. I'm about to go male-Carrie up in this bitch.

HurricaneAli June 16, 2011 at 6:58 am

An award-winning rant, sir or madam!

Nopantsmcgee June 16, 2011 at 10:32 am

Congrats, Prommie!

Tip: When engaging in naked men pyramids, call dibs on 'top' ASAP.

And enjoy your cash winnings that Wonkette will be wiring to your account.

Nopantsmcgee June 16, 2011 at 11:01 am

When in trouble or in doubt, R. Nader is still about.

Chillingly.

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