In the Diminished Expectations Department, Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama-lovin’ leftists for having liberal ideals is one of those things that warrants a very reasonable response like, Eh I’m never voting again and also am going to BLOW UP AMERICA, even though such a response will also result in Obama’s Justice Department persecuting you. But our prize-winning Commenter of the Day notes that we just need to put all of this in perspective, and only then is it appropriate to weep openly and respond to all of Obama’s fund-raising spam with violent rhetoric, which will also lead to Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama’s supporters, again, forever.
Prommie writes in the comments to this post about the above-mentioned Nixonian horrorshow:
This is a little bit scary, yes, a tad unsettling, but then you read elsewhere in the news that the Whitehouse has also announced a major initiative to crack down hard on marijuana, the killer weed that is luring so many of our young women into white slavery and destroying the lives of so many young men, turning them into axe-wielding homicidal maniacs, then you realize, Obama has his priorities straight. Wars and conflagrations, double-dip depression, rampant financial fraud and market manipulation, unlimited political propagandizing and electioneering by the billionaire corporatocracy, voter suppression, corruption and conflict of influence even on the Supreme Court, and Obama is going after dirty hippie peaceniks, union organizers, and pot smokers. That’s our Unicorn!
And that’s the Win of the Afternoon! Enjoy Gitmo, Prommie!
{ 126 comments }
First they came for the penis-twitters and I said nothing…
Oh sure, give it to Prom. At this rate I'll be the Bob Hope of Wonkettte.
Always a bridesmaid never a bride.
Always the power bottom, never the top.
You need to come visit me and we'll see how that goes.
No, the Susan Lucci of Wonkette.
Today, we are all the Susan Lucci of Wonkette.
PS. I wouldn't mind aging as well as she has.
Could be worse. I'm in Rodney Dangerfield territory.
We still respect you in the morning.
Could be worse. I'm in Andrew Dice Clay territory. That's still a step or two above Carrot Top Territory, right? [sobs]
Everything is a step or two above Carrot Top Territory.
Yeah, me too. What about me? I was stepped over !!! I'm smaht. Not dumb, like everyone says, I'm smaht, and I want RESPECT, Jr. !!!
Who ya gonna take with you to Afghanistan for Christmas, Bob, Ann Margaret or Stella Stevens?
Stormy Daniels and Johnny Angel.
Stormy, I sigh whenever I hear her name; if I ever hear that she is making a strip club appearance within 500 miles, I swear I am going to see her. I love that dangerously sharp, sculpted beak of hers. And the ginormous tatas.
I feel that way about Johnny Angel, probably the hottest porn star that ever existed.
Today was not a good day for Lionel[redacted]Esq.
I feel for you Tommm, as I had hopes that our little limerick from yesterday would capture the cold heart of our hot overlords.
Actually that is what I aspire to be – the Bob Hope of Wonkettte
Looked like a winner when it appeared. Well done, Prommie!
Does Prommie get water boarded now?
We're pitching it as a trip to a Fantastic Funland and Waterslides Park Adventure!
Does this mean no more fart jokes on Wonkette?.
We could give Prommie a 21 toot salute
MOAR POOP JOKES.
No, but it does mean it should also involve Santorum and buttsecks.
Oh sweet, another Wonkette Jr? you are legion
Wonkette Jr. Jr.?
Wonkette Jr.²
Legion heir.
Run if he/she/both coughs.
I am all hoped out.
Got any change left?
Really Comment of the day comment win.
Congratulations Prommie.
And don't worry about the five blacked-out Suburbans that just pulled up in your driveway. I'm sure they're just bringing you a little plaque or an upfist or something.
Suburbans? Government Motors!!!1
Ugh, does this mean the rest of us have to try harder now?
It is an excuse for me to drink more, I think.
That's what she said.
[edit: Yes, I hate myself for even thinking that]
Barb, you said harder, hehe.
Can someone explain to me Obama's left-wing agenda again?
Sure – it's to act like a lesser asshole than W.
Google "The Schlieffen Plan"
He calls whenever he gets horny, every four years or so. Kind of like dating a Vulcan.
I'm about ready to send the President a codpiece. Then, the likeness would be complete. Oh, what could have been…
It's somewhere to the right of Reagan.
What happens if the best comment of the day comes while we are commenting on the best comment of the day? Do we get a do-over?
I just Hope that Prommie doesn't get persecuted, or downfisted.
Or a big head.
Award the best comment of the day to Downfisty and see how many minutes it takes before it gets downfisted.
Dear Wonkette Jr.
I will willingly bonk your brains out in order to get Comment of the Day/Week/Semester. Unless, of course, you have ladyparts, in which case I will do your hair, gently criticize your wardrobe, borrow your shoes, and cuddle with you while watching various and sundry rom-coms.
Just FYI.
EQ
OMG! I just choked on my Diet Pepsi, you bitch! I hate you. (call me)
Wait! He's mine!
(fucking funny comments.)
Elvious, THAT was the best comment of the day. I salute you.
Definitely a contender for best comment ever.
I would love my hair done, you may criticize my wardrobe and borrow my shoes, but I hate hate HATE rom coms.
Why discriminiate? Sure, ladyparts, but everyone has an asshole that could use some attention.
EQ, you are simply fabulous, you little flirt.
One of the best evah.
Hey, that's cheating!
Nice job Prommie, I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but…
I have to give a shout out to metamarcisf.
(Warning: link is to a Rick Asstley video.)
~
Wow. That's better than a 21 fart salute!
I didn't know this was a contest. Prommie raised the bar.
He'll be tweeting pics of it shortly.
~
AT a bar.
and now we will all be eating each other for capitalizms.
I need another drink. Please help raise me up to the bar.
Although when the award post began "In the Diminished Expectations Department" I momentarily thought they talking about me …
Sure, get a fancy short name (remember Promnightdumpsterbaby?) and a fancy new award, Prommie ya sellout! Congrats!
Thank you for reminding me of Prommie's original Nom de Guerre. I miss the days of long avatar names.
Excellent observation Prommie.
I always wondered why unicorns have horns on their foreheads. Now I know they use them to ass-rape their political supporters.
They are ridged for your pleasure, so you'll bend over and take it. And you'll like it.
The Nobel Prize … The MacArthur Genius Prize … A grant from the NEH …
Wonkette Comment of the Day …
Another reason to feel like a failure.
Geezus, I had a two hour meeting where the crew snickered at me when I suggested an artist jerk off the detail on a model leaving a hole in its place.
Granted, we were previously discussing a game character that was lacking his trousers.
Congrats Prommie!!! Have a drink on me!
What is it that you do, again?
Jerk models off. Read, dammit!
Computer Games. 20 years. Mainly was just missing the action on Wonkette for a couple of hours and Prommie's “prize”.
Can you bring back "Zork"? I liked "Zork".
LOL. Sure! Well, we'd have to get the rights first, I think.
Congrats, Prommie – well earned.
You know, in 2008, I made an effort to vote for Obama from Canada. It was a surprising amount of work, lots of forms to fill out and mail to registrars in small towns in Wisconsin, and so on. Anyway, from now on, I think maybe I'll concentrate on Canadian politics (apart from entertainment purposes of course), because that damn donkey/unicorn bit me in the ass again as he always does.
Come back down and vote again in Scooter's recall election: Elections matter and every vote counts!
Yeah, that one might be worth it.
i just heard a piece about the toronto mayor being as close to a bagger as a canadian can be.
is this TRUE?
i was going to take my newly minted passport and move up there but not if there's a fucking bagger on lake ontario too.
Well, he is the scum of this earth – perhaps not quite a teabagger in scope, but close enough to pretty near ruin the city in a few more years. The only saving grace is that he's so very stupid. He's like that slow kid in grade two who learned that 2+2=4 and so now thinks that 4 is pretty much the answer for every question. That he got himself elected should be an embarrassment to all Torontonians. (Actually it was the Toronto equivalent of the red states, the so-called "inner suburbs" that voted for him).
You could always come and join the Résistance, though.
he sounded dumb as a box of rocks. the interviewer confused him with 'facts' (that cities like paris and new york and london (UK) are INCREASING bike lanes / usage and he is re-championing the age of the car.)
this is why i thought he was a bagger.
He is a bagger. Read up on the guy. He's worse than some of the Republicans that get elected in major cities down south.
Could we use Howard Dean's vocalization as our battle cry?
"Wahahahhahahahharggahhhhahggggghhhh!"
I hear Kucinich is moving to Washington State. He can run in my district.
I actually started rereading 1984 the day they caught Bin Laden, because Bin Laden was being hyped just like Emmanuel Goldstein in that book. If you go to Google and type in the words: Who was the enemy of the state in Orwell's 1984, there's a link to an article by a university professor who drew comparisons between Bin Laden and Emmanuel Goldstein.
Cornel Wilde was right, Obama is just Wall Street's mascot. He'll do whatever they want.
Yes! Look up this Cornel Wilde's bio, in the Wikamapedia.
I love Cornel Wilde. He's my favorite author after Nome Chompsly.
"The only thing worse than having your business in the street, Brother Obama, is NOT having your business in the street."
Gnome Chompsly? Isn't that Cee Lo Green's band with them English white boys?
That's Choward Sin. Easy mistake to make.
war is peace, and that is all you need to know.
"America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies."
The Beat goes on.
What are you two Howling about? Did you see an egg under a truck or something?
this is how your country dies; not with a bang and a shout, but with a quiet whimper, suffocated beneath the weight of bureaucracy and greed.
Personally, I'll be happy to finally get to a 3-digit p.
Talk about your diminished expectations…
I gave you a complimentary upfist on the house.
Yes, more pee for you. For us all!
Switch the ticket. Tom on top.
Congrats Prommie, you finally scored a date to the dance.
I better not be reading about any dumpster babies in the morning.
Honestly, I'm pretty convinced the real long-term successes the teatard party had wasn't the damage caused by the lunatics they got elected, and promptly petitioned for recall, but rather that they dramatically shifted the definition of "moderate" rightwards and the defintiion of "notaracist" to include some pretty blatant, overt racism.
So, what I'm saying is, we'd need to build momentum around the notion that Kucinich is iffy, at best, and Bernie Sanders is practically a DINO (technically true!)
Sheriff Dave must go!
I refuse to put any effort into attempting to be clever in order to win approval from the powers that be. But then, you all probably know that already, based on what I have said so far on teh Wonkette.
O bomb 'er once fer me, o bomb 'er once for you
O bomb 'er for the cunts who wave the red and white and blue.
ta da.
And I thought he meant to inhale.
Prommie was funny until he sold out, man.
I'm getting weepy like a Boehner at a Julia Roberts movie. I remember Prommie when he/she was a wee thing with only 85 "p" points. And now … now … I'm sorry, I can't go on.
Prommie, you might have won the day, but my boobs are still bigger than yours.
Moobs, or boobs?
Wow, cool, thank you, Nameless Wonkette overlord who decided to award me this honor. I just have to say, in response to some comments, that I am not worried about blacked-out suburbans or gitmo, no, I am worried that now I will be the target of Breitbart's fucktard legions of cellar-dwelling, cheetos-encrusted stalkers, who I fear are already hard at work tracking down all of my penis-pics so they can send them to my family and employer, as is their usual MO of psychopathic stalkery shitbaggery.
Don't worry about the penis-pics; I'll take the fall for you, man. Wait, are you cut or uncut?
Maybe you can "make a suggestion" to LulzSec.
Protection money enters a new era.
Congrats, prommie.
And don't worry about Breitbart getting your pictures. They're happy enough just to make shit up about you.
Come the Revolution, the Breitbartians will be liquidated as a class. Keep baiting them. We at the Spartacist League are on the job!
Wow, and I was thinking, that's resume material.
To be honored by an organization low enough to include me as a member-humiliating!
Ha ha … you haven't seen my basement! How much Ameros you got?
Looking for a wife? I'm looking for health insurance and a saner country.
Reading plaudits about Prommie's outstanding contributions was an excellent excuse for me to rationalize drinking while axe sharpening.
The prom kings always win. I'm about to go male-Carrie up in this bitch.
An award-winning rant, sir or madam!
Congrats, Prommie!
Tip: When engaging in naked men pyramids, call dibs on 'top' ASAP.
And enjoy your cash winnings that Wonkette will be wiring to your account.
When in trouble or in doubt, R. Nader is still about.
Chillingly.
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