win of the afternoon

Comment of the Day: ‘That’s Our Unicorn!’

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Win for You, and a Massive Loss for America.In the Diminished Expectations Department, Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama-lovin’ leftists for having liberal ideals is one of those things that warrants a very reasonable response like, Eh I’m never voting again and also am going to BLOW UP AMERICA, even though such a response will also result in Obama’s Justice Department persecuting you. But our prize-winning Commenter of the Day notes that we just need to put all of this in perspective, and only then is it appropriate to weep openly and respond to all of Obama’s fund-raising spam with violent rhetoric, which will also lead to Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama’s supporters, again, forever.

Prommie writes in the comments to this post about the above-mentioned Nixonian horrorshow:

This is a little bit scary, yes, a tad unsettling, but then you read elsewhere in the news that the Whitehouse has also announced a major initiative to crack down hard on marijuana, the killer weed that is luring so many of our young women into white slavery and destroying the lives of so many young men, turning them into axe-wielding homicidal maniacs, then you realize, Obama has his priorities straight. Wars and conflagrations, double-dip depression, rampant financial fraud and market manipulation, unlimited political propagandizing and electioneering by the billionaire corporatocracy, voter suppression, corruption and conflict of influence even on the Supreme Court, and Obama is going after dirty hippie peaceniks, union organizers, and pot smokers. That’s our Unicorn!

And that’s the Win of the Afternoon! Enjoy Gitmo, Prommie!

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • FrenchTwist40

    First they came for the penis-twitters and I said nothing…

  • Tommmcattt

    Oh sure, give it to Prom. At this rate I'll be the Bob Hope of Wonkettte.

    • nounverb911

      Always a bridesmaid never a bride.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Always the power bottom, never the top.

        • Tommmcattt

          You need to come visit me and we'll see how that goes.

    • Terry

      No, the Susan Lucci of Wonkette.

      • tessiee

        Today, we are all the Susan Lucci of Wonkette.

        PS. I wouldn't mind aging as well as she has.

    • SmutBoffin

      Could be worse. I'm in Rodney Dangerfield territory.

      • nounverb911

        We still respect you in the morning.

      • natoslug

        Could be worse. I'm in Andrew Dice Clay territory. That's still a step or two above Carrot Top Territory, right? [sobs]

        • HistoriCat

          Everything is a step or two above Carrot Top Territory.

    • mourningnmerica

      Yeah, me too. What about me? I was stepped over !!! I'm smaht. Not dumb, like everyone says, I'm smaht, and I want RESPECT, Jr. !!!

    • dr_giraud

      Who ya gonna take with you to Afghanistan for Christmas, Bob, Ann Margaret or Stella Stevens?

      • Tommmcattt

        Stormy Daniels and Johnny Angel.

        • prommie

          Stormy, I sigh whenever I hear her name; if I ever hear that she is making a strip club appearance within 500 miles, I swear I am going to see her. I love that dangerously sharp, sculpted beak of hers. And the ginormous tatas.

          • Tommmcattt

            I feel that way about Johnny Angel, probably the hottest porn star that ever existed.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Today was not a good day for Lionel[redacted]Esq.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I feel for you Tommm, as I had hopes that our little limerick from yesterday would capture the cold heart of our hot overlords.

  • V572 [SSAN]

    Looked like a winner when it appeared. Well done, Prommie!

  • Barb

    Does Prommie get water boarded now?

    • anniegetyerfun

      We're pitching it as a trip to a Fantastic Funland and Waterslides Park Adventure!

  • metamarcisf

    Does this mean no more fart jokes on Wonkette?.

    • Terry

      We could give Prommie a 21 toot salute

    • elviouslyqueer


    • Not_So_Much

      No, but it does mean it should also involve Santorum and buttsecks.

  • 4TheTurnstiles

    Oh sweet, another Wonkette Jr? you are legion

    • nounverb911

      Wonkette Jr. Jr.?

      • Peace in our time

        Wonkette Jr.²

    • flamingpdog

      Legion heir.
      Run if he/she/both coughs.

  • pinkocommi

    I am all hoped out.

    • nounverb911

      Got any change left?

    • Nothingisamiss

      Really Comment of the day comment win.

  • Radiotherapy

    Congratulations Prommie.
    And don't worry about the five blacked-out Suburbans that just pulled up in your driveway. I'm sure they're just bringing you a little plaque or an upfist or something.

    • Preferred Customer

      Suburbans? Government Motors!!!1

  • Barb

    Ugh, does this mean the rest of us have to try harder now?

    • jus_wonderin

      It is an excuse for me to drink more, I think.

    • natoslug

      That's what she said.

      [edit: Yes, I hate myself for even thinking that]

    • Radiotherapy

      Barb, you said harder, hehe.

  • Duly_Noted

    Can someone explain to me Obama's left-wing agenda again?

    • hagajim

      Sure – it's to act like a lesser asshole than W.

    • gvvt

      Google "The Schlieffen Plan"

    • Angry_Marmot

      He calls whenever he gets horny, every four years or so. Kind of like dating a Vulcan.

    • mourningnmerica

      I'm about ready to send the President a codpiece. Then, the likeness would be complete. Oh, what could have been…

    • Radiotherapy

      It's somewhere to the right of Reagan.

  • nounverb911

    What happens if the best comment of the day comes while we are commenting on the best comment of the day? Do we get a do-over?

  • hagajim

    I just Hope that Prommie doesn't get persecuted, or downfisted.

    • mourningnmerica

      Or a big head.

    • flamingpdog

      Award the best comment of the day to Downfisty and see how many minutes it takes before it gets downfisted.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Wonkette Jr.

    I will willingly bonk your brains out in order to get Comment of the Day/Week/Semester. Unless, of course, you have ladyparts, in which case I will do your hair, gently criticize your wardrobe, borrow your shoes, and cuddle with you while watching various and sundry rom-coms.

    Just FYI.


    • Barb

      OMG! I just choked on my Diet Pepsi, you bitch! I hate you. (call me)

      • Nothingisamiss

        Wait! He's mine!

        (fucking funny comments.)

    • mourningnmerica

      Elvious, THAT was the best comment of the day. I salute you.

    • emmelemm

      Definitely a contender for best comment ever.

      I would love my hair done, you may criticize my wardrobe and borrow my shoes, but I hate hate HATE rom coms.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Why discriminiate? Sure, ladyparts, but everyone has an asshole that could use some attention.

    • UW8316154

      EQ, you are simply fabulous, you little flirt.

      One of the best evah.

    • Negropolis

      Hey, that's cheating!

  • ifthethunderdontgetya

    Nice job Prommie, I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but…

    I have to give a shout out to metamarcisf.

    (Warning: link is to a Rick Asstley video.)

    • metamarcisf

      Wow. That's better than a 21 fart salute!

  • Beetagger

    I didn't know this was a contest. Prommie raised the bar.

    • ifthethunderdontgetya

      He'll be tweeting pics of it shortly.

    • Nothingisamiss

      AT a bar.

    • fuflans

      and now we will all be eating each other for capitalizms.

    • flamingpdog

      I need another drink. Please help raise me up to the bar.

  • harry_palmer

    Although when the award post began "In the Diminished Expectations Department" I momentarily thought they talking about me …

  • SayItWithWookies

    Sure, get a fancy short name (remember Promnightdumpsterbaby?) and a fancy new award, Prommie ya sellout! Congrats!

    • CapeClod

      Thank you for reminding me of Prommie's original Nom de Guerre. I miss the days of long avatar names.

  • Eve8Apples

    Excellent observation Prommie.

    I always wondered why unicorns have horns on their foreheads. Now I know they use them to ass-rape their political supporters.

    • anniegetyerfun

      They are ridged for your pleasure, so you'll bend over and take it. And you'll like it.

  • NewYorkJew

    The Nobel Prize … The MacArthur Genius Prize … A grant from the NEH …

    Wonkette Comment of the Day …

    Another reason to feel like a failure.

  • jus_wonderin

    Geezus, I had a two hour meeting where the crew snickered at me when I suggested an artist jerk off the detail on a model leaving a hole in its place.

    Granted, we were previously discussing a game character that was lacking his trousers.

    Congrats Prommie!!! Have a drink on me!

    • Nothingisamiss

      What is it that you do, again?

      • natoslug

        Jerk models off. Read, dammit!

      • jus_wonderin

        Computer Games. 20 years. Mainly was just missing the action on Wonkette for a couple of hours and Prommie's “prize”.

        • Tommmcattt

          Can you bring back "Zork"? I liked "Zork".

          • jus_wonderin

            LOL. Sure! Well, we'd have to get the rights first, I think.

  • sezme

    Congrats, Prommie – well earned.

    You know, in 2008, I made an effort to vote for Obama from Canada. It was a surprising amount of work, lots of forms to fill out and mail to registrars in small towns in Wisconsin, and so on. Anyway, from now on, I think maybe I'll concentrate on Canadian politics (apart from entertainment purposes of course), because that damn donkey/unicorn bit me in the ass again as he always does.

    • Rotundo_

      Come back down and vote again in Scooter's recall election: Elections matter and every vote counts!

      • sezme

        Yeah, that one might be worth it.

    • fuflans

      i just heard a piece about the toronto mayor being as close to a bagger as a canadian can be.

      is this TRUE?

      i was going to take my newly minted passport and move up there but not if there's a fucking bagger on lake ontario too.

      • sezme

        Well, he is the scum of this earth – perhaps not quite a teabagger in scope, but close enough to pretty near ruin the city in a few more years. The only saving grace is that he's so very stupid. He's like that slow kid in grade two who learned that 2+2=4 and so now thinks that 4 is pretty much the answer for every question. That he got himself elected should be an embarrassment to all Torontonians. (Actually it was the Toronto equivalent of the red states, the so-called "inner suburbs" that voted for him).

        You could always come and join the Résistance, though.

        • fuflans

          he sounded dumb as a box of rocks. the interviewer confused him with 'facts' (that cities like paris and new york and london (UK) are INCREASING bike lanes / usage and he is re-championing the age of the car.)

          this is why i thought he was a bagger.

          • Negropolis

            He is a bagger. Read up on the guy. He's worse than some of the Republicans that get elected in major cities down south.

  • jus_wonderin

    Could we use Howard Dean's vocalization as our battle cry?


  • nounverb911

    I hear Kucinich is moving to Washington State. He can run in my district.

  • DemonicRage

    I actually started rereading 1984 the day they caught Bin Laden, because Bin Laden was being hyped just like Emmanuel Goldstein in that book. If you go to Google and type in the words: Who was the enemy of the state in Orwell's 1984, there's a link to an article by a university professor who drew comparisons between Bin Laden and Emmanuel Goldstein.

  • NickDanger007

    Cornel Wilde was right, Obama is just Wall Street's mascot. He'll do whatever they want.

    • Chet Kincaid

      Yes! Look up this Cornel Wilde's bio, in the Wikamapedia.

      • Cicada

        I love Cornel Wilde. He's my favorite author after Nome Chompsly.

        • Chet Kincaid

          "The only thing worse than having your business in the street, Brother Obama, is NOT having your business in the street."

        • Chet Kincaid

          Gnome Chompsly? Isn't that Cee Lo Green's band with them English white boys?

          • Cicada

            That's Choward Sin. Easy mistake to make.

  • sati_demise

    war is peace, and that is all you need to know.

  • Angry_Marmot
    • ChapterUndVerse

      The Beat goes on.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        What are you two Howling about? Did you see an egg under a truck or something?

  • mormos

    this is how your country dies; not with a bang and a shout, but with a quiet whimper, suffocated beneath the weight of bureaucracy and greed.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Personally, I'll be happy to finally get to a 3-digit p.

    Talk about your diminished expectations…

    • Eve8Apples

      I gave you a complimentary upfist on the house.

    • GhostBuggy

      Yes, more pee for you. For us all!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Switch the ticket. Tom on top.

  • weejee

    Congrats Prommie, you finally scored a date to the dance.

    • UW8316154

      I better not be reading about any dumpster babies in the morning.

  • mumbly_joe

    Honestly, I'm pretty convinced the real long-term successes the teatard party had wasn't the damage caused by the lunatics they got elected, and promptly petitioned for recall, but rather that they dramatically shifted the definition of "moderate" rightwards and the defintiion of "notaracist" to include some pretty blatant, overt racism.

    So, what I'm saying is, we'd need to build momentum around the notion that Kucinich is iffy, at best, and Bernie Sanders is practically a DINO (technically true!)

  • nounverb911

    Sheriff Dave must go!

  • anniegetyerfun

    I refuse to put any effort into attempting to be clever in order to win approval from the powers that be. But then, you all probably know that already, based on what I have said so far on teh Wonkette.

  • sportshort

    O bomb 'er once fer me, o bomb 'er once for you
    O bomb 'er for the cunts who wave the red and white and blue.

    ta da.

  • Numbat_Dundee

    And I thought he meant to inhale.

  • Fred_Wertham_Jr

    Prommie was funny until he sold out, man.

  • JustPixelz

    I'm getting weepy like a Boehner at a Julia Roberts movie. I remember Prommie when he/she was a wee thing with only 85 "p" points. And now … now … I'm sorry, I can't go on.

  • hollywooddood

    Prommie, you might have won the day, but my boobs are still bigger than yours.

    • prommie

      Moobs, or boobs?

  • prommie

    Wow, cool, thank you, Nameless Wonkette overlord who decided to award me this honor. I just have to say, in response to some comments, that I am not worried about blacked-out suburbans or gitmo, no, I am worried that now I will be the target of Breitbart's fucktard legions of cellar-dwelling, cheetos-encrusted stalkers, who I fear are already hard at work tracking down all of my penis-pics so they can send them to my family and employer, as is their usual MO of psychopathic stalkery shitbaggery.

    • sezme

      Don't worry about the penis-pics; I'll take the fall for you, man. Wait, are you cut or uncut?

    • GeneralLerong

      Maybe you can "make a suggestion" to LulzSec.

      Protection money enters a new era.

    • CapeClod

      Congrats, prommie.
      And don't worry about Breitbart getting your pictures. They're happy enough just to make shit up about you.

    • MiniMencken

      Come the Revolution, the Breitbartians will be liquidated as a class. Keep baiting them. We at the Spartacist League are on the job!

  • ChapterUndVerse

    Wow, and I was thinking, that's resume material.

    • ttommyunger

      To be honored by an organization low enough to include me as a member-humiliating!

  • sezme

    Ha ha … you haven't seen my basement! How much Ameros you got?

    • SarcasticNymph

      Looking for a wife? I'm looking for health insurance and a saner country.

  • mrblifil

    Reading plaudits about Prommie's outstanding contributions was an excellent excuse for me to rationalize drinking while axe sharpening.

  • Negropolis

    The prom kings always win. I'm about to go male-Carrie up in this bitch.

  • HurricaneAli

    An award-winning rant, sir or madam!

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Congrats, Prommie!

    Tip: When engaging in naked men pyramids, call dibs on 'top' ASAP.

    And enjoy your cash winnings that Wonkette will be wiring to your account.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    When in trouble or in doubt, R. Nader is still about.