EVERYBODY HATES AMERICA  11:34 am June 15, 2011

Pakistan Super PO’d About America Killing Pakistan’s Favorite Guy, Osama

by Wonkette Jr.

Show some respect, dead bin Laden!What are America’s allies up to, these days? Oh, just jailing the CIA people who targeted Osama bin Laden in his fancy Pakistan suburban castle. China reads the White House gmail, British prime minister David Cameron mocks our wonderful health care system that’s available only to people with lots of money, and now Pakistan is just cold arresting people for squealing on Bin Laden. It’s almost like the whole world is laughing at America, nonstop.

The Guardian reports:

Pakistani intelligence has detained five alleged CIA informants who spied on Osama bin Laden in the months before the al-Qaida chief was killed in a special forces raid, US and Pakistani officials have said. A Pakistani official said the owner of the CIA hideout had been arrested along with several other people.

A military spokesman denied a New York Times report that a serving army major had also been detained. The arrests highlight continuing tensions between the US and Pakistan in the wake of Bin Laden’s death. They are likely to intensify pressure from senior Washington politicians to cut Pakistan’s $2bn annual aid package.

Eh, just cancel that $125-a-year tortoise website, that should fix everything, globally. [Guardian/NYT]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 136 comments }

Barb June 15, 2011 at 11:37 am

Watch out there Pakistan. If you keep this attitude up we aren't going to send you chunks of money anymore to be friends with us.

Giveusabob June 15, 2011 at 11:39 am

If I try really really hard, I might be able to misbehave just slightly less than Pakistan. Could I get the money instead?

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 11:46 am

I know that there are reasons for the aid we give (stability?) but I really wish we'd cut off some of these slackers and use those bucks here…on Americans.

I know. I am a dreamer.

Beowoof June 15, 2011 at 2:51 pm

But you're not the only one,
I hope one they will join us
and the world could live as one.

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 2:54 pm

If I type that backwards, what will it say/summon???

mormos June 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm

cthulu

Beowoof June 15, 2011 at 9:28 pm

It will summon John Lennon from the grave and boy is he pissed. I think you can count on some more Yoko records as his punishment upon us for letting things get this bad.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:33 pm

US aid is always spent in the US, so you can assume lots is sticking to fingers in the Pentagon, Congress, etc.

pinkocommi June 15, 2011 at 11:50 am

"Watch out there Pakistan. If you keep this attitude up we ARE going to send you MORE money to be friends with us."

There. Fixed.

Beowoof June 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Well maybe we will send them Democracy, Iraq style.

OneDollarJuana June 15, 2011 at 11:56 am

You know, giving Pakistan all this money to be our friends is exactly like having to hang a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you. Except that it keeps biting you.

WhatTheHeck June 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

You go to war with the friends you can buy, not the frenemies you have.

flamingpdog June 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

We send big chunks of money every year to Israel so Bibi can thumb his nose at us, and the same to Pakistan so they can half-moon us. Codependency sucks. Can we schedule the State Department a slot on the next Jerry Springer show?

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Pentagon, too.

mumbly_joe June 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Oh god, America really is that rich kid in school who's a complete prick to everyone, but pays people to be friends with him, isn't it?

flamingpdog June 15, 2011 at 2:02 pm

WIN!

Bonzos_Bed_Time June 15, 2011 at 4:39 pm

It's sort of like joining a fraternity/sorority.

Negropolis June 16, 2011 at 12:21 am

We'll cut off aid to Pakistan when we cut off aid to Israel. So, you know when that is.

Chillwaver June 15, 2011 at 11:38 am

Wingnuts are "Super PO'd" about it too, but only because Barry did it.

freakishlywrong June 15, 2011 at 11:38 am

Ah yes…Mourning of Ameriduh..The Shitting Shitty on a hill.

mereoblivion June 15, 2011 at 11:39 am

" . . . in the wake of Bin Laden's death." Go for the easy wake=funeral joke, or try the slightly subtler one about his body getting dumped in the ocean and an ocean has a wake, or just say "Fuck Pakistan"?

ManchuCandidate June 15, 2011 at 11:41 am

How can US America do this to such a good ally who:
1) Built a nukular bomb against the express wishes of their paymaster, er, ally
2) Funded and armed the Taliban
3) Elements of whose gubbiment who hid US America's greatest bearded non-white terrorist, OBL
4) Stirred up shit with neighbor India over Kasmir.
5) Started a nukular bomb black market.

Such shame US America…*

*of course, US America can't do much as Pakistan's where the supply line to Afghaninam begins. Maybe another good reason to get the fuck out.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Some geniuses are trying to figure out a way to ship supplies via Russia and the 'stans. I think I can foresee some problems….

tymberwolf817 June 22, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Works for heroin.

DaRooster June 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

OK, that's it. Bring everyone home, let's keep to ourselves and start making the shit we use here again…

(I know, pretty stupid idea)

HistoriCat June 15, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Not a stupid idea. Maybe a simplistic one but it's probably good enough to make you a first-tier contender for the Republican nomination for president.

AJWjr. June 15, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Um, no. They think it's fine to keep offshoring jerbs, as long as the corporate masters get a tax cut for doing so.

Radiotherapy June 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

Fuck 'em, we've got something they'll NEVER have: exceptionalism.

Beowoof June 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Republicans = Exceptionally obtuse.

Tengu June 15, 2011 at 11:43 am

Pakistan without Bin Laden is like Arizona without the Grand Canyon – there's absolutely no reason to go there.

DaRooster June 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Amen!

pinkocommi June 15, 2011 at 11:43 am

What is it about "$7.5 billion in aid annually" that Pakistani intelligence does not understand?

Giveusabob June 15, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I gather it understands reasonably well that $7.5Billion is not enough. Buying Cristal by the barrel ain't cheap!

Gratuitous World June 15, 2011 at 11:43 am

i think we can all agree this is vindication for supporters of the Iraq War.

Doktor Zoom June 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

They don't like those Predator drones for some reason. Don't these silly third-world people understand that to make an omelette, you have to break some eggs?

I guess maybe it doesn't help that we seem to be making a Shit Omelette…

weejee June 15, 2011 at 11:52 am

making a Shit Omelette…

eggs settera, eggs settera, and eggs settera

DaRooster June 15, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Topped with Santorum.

Giveusabob June 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Pretty sure those very same Predator drones will someday be deployed locally to combat our pun-demic. Hope you've got your comfy spider hole already furnished and waiting, like me.

elviouslyqueer June 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

Oh please, lamestream media. It's not "arresting people and throwing them in a rancid Pakistani jail cell," it's "interviewing persons of interest as part of an ongoing investigation." Get it right, people!

Doktor Zoom June 15, 2011 at 11:47 am

No, no, it's "Information Retrieval."

bflrtsplk June 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Using Enhanced Interrogation Methods.

SorosBot June 15, 2011 at 11:48 am

And of course, once again life imitates The Onion, from just a week ago: http://www.theonion.com/articles/pakistani-intell

Pakistani Intelligence Announces Its Full Cooperation With U.S. Forces During Upcoming Top Secret June 12 Drone Strike On Al-Qaeda At 5:23 A.M. Near Small Town Of Razmani In North Waziristan

donner_froh June 15, 2011 at 11:49 am

"Ask a Briton to describe “American-style” healthcare, and you’ll hear a catalog of horrors that include grossly expensive and unnecessary medical procedures and a privatized system that favors the rich."

The British don't get it. Once there is justice for the wealthy citizens of the United States of Amerikkka and their income is completely free of taxes, there will be excellent health care for all and fountains of beer in every town square.

Ducksworthy June 15, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I see you have been reading the Conservative Bible.

DerrickWildcat June 15, 2011 at 11:51 am

Pakistan is so horrible at Soccer that even India and Bangladesh beats them.

baconzgood June 15, 2011 at 11:52 am

Carefull Pakistan, if it comes down to choosing friends you ain't no India.

SorosBot June 15, 2011 at 11:54 am

Except these guys were spying on someone who is not affiliated with the Pakistani government, but technically a civilian and criminal.

Ducksworthy June 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm

"not affiliated with the Pakistani government" might be a bit of over reach. Living in a mansion in the middle of Bud Abbottabad suggests some affiliation. Was he paying his property taxes?

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:38 pm

I assume he was lecturing at the military academy down the street.

Come here a minute June 15, 2011 at 11:55 am

Pakistan should arrest these people — I'm pretty sure if an American helped, say, France with secret info, he/she would get Bradley Manninged.

Ducksworthy June 15, 2011 at 11:55 am

But could Israel still afford its socialism without USAID?

BTWBFDIMHO June 15, 2011 at 11:57 am

I bet they will prosecute the CIA agents for killing OBL and the couriers, who were Pakistani citizens. Then, they can collect blood money!

EatsBabyDingos June 15, 2011 at 11:59 am

I am glad Pakistan is my friend. Pakistan lifts me up when I feel blue. Pakistan smells like ranch dressing. Pakistan is driving my car. Pakistan farts pure melons. Pakistan is like Galveston, but without Glen Campbell.

edgydrifter June 15, 2011 at 11:59 am

I know this makes me sound whorish, but I'd kiss way more ass for $2 billion. Kudos to Pakistan for having such high ethical standards, I suppose.

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm

OT OY!: Why is this website so slow sometimes? It is not the most complex webpage. Argh!!

donner_froh June 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm

That's not a bug. That's a feature.

weejee June 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Better jump in your spider hole donner_ when MS hits you with a copyright infringement suit in 3, 2, 1…

With you on the slow jus_, the last few days reloads 'n such have been slow and likely the site is not in a Vermont maple tree in January.

AJWjr. June 15, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I know, right? It's like it wants everyone else to post funny shit first, leaving me with worthless crumbs.

jus_wonderin June 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Well, I must be last in the queue then. Wonkette, show me some love!!

flamingpdog June 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Agreed, especially when peoples are posting hot and heavy, but even after the rush is over the last few days. Tired of seeing *loading* all the time, especially when I'm not loaded myself. I'm just hoping Downfisty hasn't been playing us and is actually a computer genius ph*cking with the web site operation.

Beowoof June 15, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Gives everyone more time to come up with pithy comments. A feature programmed into the system.

hagajim June 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Everyone is making fun of Dumbmerica? Shame on them, don't they know who we are? That's right, we're the biggest, baddest 2nd world country on the block with failing infrastructure, a shitty healthcare system, and a collapsing skool system. Fuck with us and we'll blow your ass up…if we can even find you on a map because we've degenerated into such 'tards. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

OneDollarJuana June 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Bad teeth or no, their life expectancy is about two years more than ours.

Fare la Volpe June 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm

That's two more years of gingivitis. No thanks.

JustPixelz June 15, 2011 at 12:07 pm

I suppose Pakistan will use some enhanced interrogation techniques on these people. Nothin' wrong with that though, right wingers? (I'm looking at Yoo, John. Also lookin' at Ron Christie, Dick Cheney, Rick Santorum, George W Bush, Malkin, Limbaugh … what a list!)

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Send'em all to Pakistan!

donner_froh June 15, 2011 at 12:10 pm

What the US "intelligence" community learned after spending billions of dollars and killing a lot of Pakistani farmers with drone strikes:

They are interested in blowing up India and don't give a shit about Al Qaeda. Which is exactly what everyone knew ten years ago.

bflrtsplk June 15, 2011 at 12:11 pm

What would Ronald Reagan do?

How many Wonkette Jrs. are there anyway?

SorosBot June 15, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Give money and weapons to Osama bin Laden to fight the Soviets.

Oh wait, that's the answer to "What did Ronald Reagan do?".

baconzgood June 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Eat Jelly Beans and have his brain turn to mush. Oh! and sell guns to the Itola Khomeini.

proudgrampa June 15, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Either Kirsten got tired, or the INS caught up with her and sent her back to Mexico.

natoslug June 15, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Decompose?

AJWjr. June 15, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Zombies make terrible compost, I'm afraid.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Lay quiet in his coffin.

Goonemeritus June 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm

It turns out Pakistan’s military doesn’t like looking the fool. Like North Korea Pakistan’s military typically have a significantly better standard of living than the general population. Over the years this has been tolerated in Pakistan and the military was even admired. After the Osama incident folks are beginning to question the status quo.

HuddledMass June 15, 2011 at 12:14 pm

And death rates! Compared to other developed nations our life expectancy is tanking, especially for women — "In Mississippi, there are five counties where the life expectancy for women is on par with nations such as Honduras, El Salvador, and Peru. " USA! USA! USA!
http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/06/15/life.expecta

AJWjr. June 15, 2011 at 1:24 pm

To be fair, women living in those 5 Mississippi counties want to die young.

HuddledMass June 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Well I certainly would, in their place.

Weenus299 June 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Plenty of room at the bottom of the sea.

SayItWithWookies June 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Pakistan isn't even mentioned in Revelations — so yeah, fuck 'em.

Katydid June 15, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Why did we tell Pakistan the names of our spies? CIA, ur doing it wrong.

AJWjr. June 15, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Worst WitSec program ever!

Terry June 15, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Did you see that someone is funding an "explorer" to search the Arabian Sea for bin Laden's body? bin Laden is fish food, no, he's fish poo by now. The people who are funding this search are literally throwing their money in the ocean.

freakishlywrong June 15, 2011 at 12:37 pm

They're insane wingnuts. I encourage them to throw their money in the ocean.

SayItWithWookies June 15, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Well, if one's object was not to find something, then bin Laden is a damn good thing to search for. If only President Obama's birth certificate had been so elusive, we'd still have that shrill undertone of lunacy to complain about.

fuflans June 15, 2011 at 2:35 pm

oh has that gone away?

Beowoof June 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Not completely, Trump has said it looks to be a computer generated forgery. And this from a guy who wears that hair.

fuflans June 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

and newt could TOTALLY use that money.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:43 pm

They will make a buttload of money selling the video to wingnuts.

PsycWench June 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Do arid countries waterboard? Do they sandboard instead?

LeAlbatross June 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm

:sigh: California is a -state-, not a country.

flamingpdog June 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Sandboard's out walking the Appalachian Trail.

Sparky_McGruff June 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm

I'm guessing that if you include rural areas and inner-city areas, our teeth aren't all that great either. With the number of people losing medical insurance these days, I can't imagine that dental insurance coverage is looking that great.

Chillwaver June 15, 2011 at 1:24 pm

That's true, but the perception in Middle America is that Europeans in general have horrible "socialized medicine," and that here in the states we have the "best health care in the world." For them is about being the best, not about being able to afford it.

DahBoner June 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

I know a great, inexpensive dentist in Tijuana.

If he hasn't gotten killed in the drug war yet…

proudgrampa June 15, 2011 at 12:24 pm

"A military spokesman denied a New York Times report that a serving army major had also been detained. "

The spokesman continued, "This was because we fired his ass before we arrested him."

Guppy06 June 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Yeah, it's long past time we questioned Pakistan's foreign policy of "Pay us money or we 'lose' one of our nukes."

Fare la Volpe June 15, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Soros, your p-ness has been chopped off!!

A botched brit milah?

Steverino247 June 15, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Enlist and you can fly over it on the way to Afghanistan…

Mort_Sinclair June 15, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Two billion in aid and we're screwing public school teachers (like myself) over copays and the "extravagant" wages we receive? On my 2012 presidential ballot, I think I'm going to have to write in my favorite candidate: Moving to Norway. This place sucks.

DahBoner June 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

That's because the average teacher makes 50K, which is way too much.

When you leeches get out in private industry, then you're allowed to whine about how $250K is almost nothing…

genxr June 15, 2011 at 12:36 pm

We are the best healthcare in the world! I heard that in Canada you have to wait ten months to get a maternity bed. And union rules don't allow doctors to treat patients.

HuddledMass June 15, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Oh yeah – on cnn.com — "Life expectancy in U.S. trails top nations"

"Since 1997, women's life expectancy has slipped or failed to rise ….In Mississippi, there are five counties where the life expectancy for women is on par with nations such as Honduras, El Salvador, and Peru." USA!

Lascauxcaveman June 15, 2011 at 12:39 pm

You can get similar, lovely, and non-terroristy lake views in the Lake Louise suburb of Canada City, and also in my neighborhood, the equally non-terroristy Olympic Mountains.

AJWjr. June 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Or Convict Lake CA near my old home town…

Lascauxcaveman June 15, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Apparently, your lake is copyrighted and not hot-linkable.

HistoriCat June 15, 2011 at 12:48 pm

They had a much more focused target for ridicule then.

natoslug June 15, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Mock the tortoise website all you want now, but you'll be sorry when the Tortiban uprising imposes Shelliah Law on you.

ttommyunger June 15, 2011 at 1:12 pm

America has the best friends money can't buy.

emmelemm June 15, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Wonkette Jr.'s worth more than a dollar, tyvm.

emmelemm June 15, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Why? Who? What? etc…

greypanter June 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

It's going to be fun watching Pakistan argue that they knew nothing about OBL, while prosecuting people for revealing state secrets about OBL. Maybe they'll use the politician technique, which seems to be that it's OK to assert two conflicting facts as long as you do it in two different locations.

MiniMencken June 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Pakistani is not a nationality. It's a profession.

riverside68 June 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Location location location

Pakistan owns the Kyber pass, which as conquers for thousands of years have known, is the best way to Afganistan. (Other options being Iran or some-fuc-i-stan from the state formerly know as USSR.) We are spending $10B a month in Afganistan, what's another $2B a year for the road?

And Pakistan has China egging them on, China likes the idea of a war between Pakistan and India, China wants a pipeline across Pakistan and a deep water port on the Indian Ocean, and China has lots of money and a future. We play hard, we loose it all.

Welcome to the end of the Empire.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Re: the Khyber Pass, read George MacDonald Fraser, _Flashman_.

Gunner Asch June 15, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I learned most of my 19th century history from the bibliographies in the Flashman books. Check The Steel Bonnets for some insight into the Scottish-English border areas from about 1100-1600. Can't tell the players without a scorecard. Sometimes not even then.

mrblifil June 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

It's nobody's business who Weiner sends pictures of his johnson to, and it's nobody's business where Osama bin Laden had his masturbatorium. I hope that clears all that up.

anniegetyerfun June 15, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Yes, Pakistan, you go ahead and try to figure out how something successful could occur in your country. I'm sure you'll have this nailed in a few short minutes.

DahBoner June 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Taxi?

iburl June 15, 2011 at 2:09 pm

We should build a turtle fence in Waristan.

chascates June 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm

With all of the money spent on this Middle East escapade we should have title to at least half of Pakistan. Just give us the border regions next to Afghanistan and someone will figure out how to make a theme park out of it. Suggestions for names?

notreelyhelping June 15, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Dear Pakistan:

Hope this finds you well and prosperous. We just wanted to mention, in case it somehow has been overlooked of late (we've both been so darned busy!!!), that those nuke things you have? We have some of those too! Yeah! Bunches of them, actually. Really, really big ones. Like you wouldn't believe!

At this point, honestly, we're not even sure why we're keeping all these–there's more than anyone could ever use. I mean, in a couple of hours, we could turn a middlin-sized country into solid glass, border to border. E-Z! But, once you start building these things, it's so darned fun that you just have to build another. Or thirty. It's like collecting stamps or coins or butterflies. Beautiful little butterfiles, pinned to a wooden spreading board with a slim needle stabbed through their thorax.

Anyway, hugs to the family. Here's hoping you have a great summer. Hate for it to be one those scorchers!

Love,

The Pentagon

fuflans June 15, 2011 at 2:32 pm

also: jesusness.

GeorgiaBurning June 15, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Israel bombed the USS Liberty in 1967 and killed 34 crew members. We saw how the politicians reacted to that!

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Hoped for the Rapture, I suppose.

fuflans June 15, 2011 at 2:44 pm

david cameron should watch his damn mouth or the next gift from the special relationship will be a used DVD of 'hangover, part ii'.

sati_demise June 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Buy him some Uncle Harrys Tooth Powder. Seriously, this product will cure periodontal disease and end your fight with caries.

MissusBarry June 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Well, we know where $125 can come from.

Beetagger June 15, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I met a British soldier once who was of the opinion that all Pakistanis should be "put down at birth."

Negropolis June 16, 2011 at 12:35 am

That sounds exactly like how I'd expect a British soldier to sound. Needless to say I wouldn't be surprised to hear that "Paki" was thrown around quite liberally.

Disgusting.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:36 pm

One of Mullah Omar's complaints about the US is that we don't take care of our elderly parents.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Various Rep constituencies, too.

zhubajie June 15, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Actually, if US pols were smart, they would make friends with the Afghans, and have them fight our enemies.

Negropolis June 16, 2011 at 12:36 am

You poor fools. If you ever think we'll cut Pakistan loose, I have a bridge in Alaska to sell yoou…

PubOption June 16, 2011 at 12:54 am

The British Health Service effectively gave up on dentistry in the days of Thatcher. That said, I have seen a higher proportion of the population missing teeth in the USA than in the UK.

Negropolis June 16, 2011 at 3:46 am

I haven't. What I've noticed is that even a lot of wealthy people in Britain have bad teeth. Good teeth are definitely more of a status symbol here in the States than in other places I've seen. Even working class folks here with little-to-no-dental plans will splurge on braces for their children. Hell, my mom raised two children on $20,000 (yeah, no dental), and she even splurged a few times on teetch cleaning, and a few drilled cavities. We're lucky our teeth turned out relatively fine without braces.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: