Show some respect, dead bin Laden!What are America’s allies up to, these days? Oh, just jailing the CIA people who targeted Osama bin Laden in his fancy Pakistan suburban castle. China reads the White House gmail, British prime minister David Cameron mocks our wonderful health care system that’s available only to people with lots of money, and now Pakistan is just cold arresting people for squealing on Bin Laden. It’s almost like the whole world is laughing at America, nonstop.

The Guardian reports:

Pakistani intelligence has detained five alleged CIA informants who spied on Osama bin Laden in the months before the al-Qaida chief was killed in a special forces raid, US and Pakistani officials have said. A Pakistani official said the owner of the CIA hideout had been arrested along with several other people.

A military spokesman denied a New York Times report that a serving army major had also been detained. The arrests highlight continuing tensions between the US and Pakistan in the wake of Bin Laden’s death. They are likely to intensify pressure from senior Washington politicians to cut Pakistan’s $2bn annual aid package.

Eh, just cancel that $125-a-year tortoise website, that should fix everything, globally. [Guardian/NYT]

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  • Barb

    Watch out there Pakistan. If you keep this attitude up we aren't going to send you chunks of money anymore to be friends with us.

    • Giveusabob

      If I try really really hard, I might be able to misbehave just slightly less than Pakistan. Could I get the money instead?

    • jus_wonderin

      I know that there are reasons for the aid we give (stability?) but I really wish we'd cut off some of these slackers and use those bucks here…on Americans.

      I know. I am a dreamer.

      • Beowoof

        But you're not the only one,
        I hope one they will join us
        and the world could live as one.

        • jus_wonderin

          If I type that backwards, what will it say/summon???

          • mormos


          • Beowoof

            It will summon John Lennon from the grave and boy is he pissed. I think you can count on some more Yoko records as his punishment upon us for letting things get this bad.

      • zhubajie

        US aid is always spent in the US, so you can assume lots is sticking to fingers in the Pentagon, Congress, etc.

    • pinkocommi

      "Watch out there Pakistan. If you keep this attitude up we ARE going to send you MORE money to be friends with us."

      There. Fixed.

      • Beowoof

        Well maybe we will send them Democracy, Iraq style.

    • OneDollarJuana

      You know, giving Pakistan all this money to be our friends is exactly like having to hang a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you. Except that it keeps biting you.

    • WhatTheHeck

      You go to war with the friends you can buy, not the frenemies you have.

    • flamingpdog

      We send big chunks of money every year to Israel so Bibi can thumb his nose at us, and the same to Pakistan so they can half-moon us. Codependency sucks. Can we schedule the State Department a slot on the next Jerry Springer show?

      • zhubajie

        Pentagon, too.

    • mumbly_joe

      Oh god, America really is that rich kid in school who's a complete prick to everyone, but pays people to be friends with him, isn't it?

      • flamingpdog


    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      It's sort of like joining a fraternity/sorority.

    • Negropolis

      We'll cut off aid to Pakistan when we cut off aid to Israel. So, you know when that is.

  • Wingnuts are "Super PO'd" about it too, but only because Barry did it.

  • freakishlywrong

    Ah yes…Mourning of Ameriduh..The Shitting Shitty on a hill.

  • mereoblivion

    " . . . in the wake of Bin Laden's death." Go for the easy wake=funeral joke, or try the slightly subtler one about his body getting dumped in the ocean and an ocean has a wake, or just say "Fuck Pakistan"?

  • How can US America do this to such a good ally who:
    1) Built a nukular bomb against the express wishes of their paymaster, er, ally
    2) Funded and armed the Taliban
    3) Elements of whose gubbiment who hid US America's greatest bearded non-white terrorist, OBL
    4) Stirred up shit with neighbor India over Kasmir.
    5) Started a nukular bomb black market.

    Such shame US America…*

    *of course, US America can't do much as Pakistan's where the supply line to Afghaninam begins. Maybe another good reason to get the fuck out.

    • zhubajie

      Some geniuses are trying to figure out a way to ship supplies via Russia and the 'stans. I think I can foresee some problems….

  • DaRooster

    OK, that's it. Bring everyone home, let's keep to ourselves and start making the shit we use here again…

    (I know, pretty stupid idea)

    • HistoriCat

      Not a stupid idea. Maybe a simplistic one but it's probably good enough to make you a first-tier contender for the Republican nomination for president.

      • AJWjr.

        Um, no. They think it's fine to keep offshoring jerbs, as long as the corporate masters get a tax cut for doing so.

  • Radiotherapy

    Fuck 'em, we've got something they'll NEVER have: exceptionalism.

    • Beowoof

      Republicans = Exceptionally obtuse.

  • Tengu

    Pakistan without Bin Laden is like Arizona without the Grand Canyon – there's absolutely no reason to go there.

    • DaRooster


  • pinkocommi

    What is it about "$7.5 billion in aid annually" that Pakistani intelligence does not understand?

    • Giveusabob

      I gather it understands reasonably well that $7.5Billion is not enough. Buying Cristal by the barrel ain't cheap!

  • i think we can all agree this is vindication for supporters of the Iraq War.

  • Doktor Zoom

    They don't like those Predator drones for some reason. Don't these silly third-world people understand that to make an omelette, you have to break some eggs?

    I guess maybe it doesn't help that we seem to be making a Shit Omelette…

    • making a Shit Omelette…

      eggs settera, eggs settera, and eggs settera

      • DaRooster

        Topped with Santorum.

      • Giveusabob

        Pretty sure those very same Predator drones will someday be deployed locally to combat our pun-demic. Hope you've got your comfy spider hole already furnished and waiting, like me.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh please, lamestream media. It's not "arresting people and throwing them in a rancid Pakistani jail cell," it's "interviewing persons of interest as part of an ongoing investigation." Get it right, people!

    • Doktor Zoom

      No, no, it's "Information Retrieval."

      • bflrtsplk

        Using Enhanced Interrogation Methods.

  • SorosBot

    And of course, once again life imitates The Onion, from just a week ago:

    Pakistani Intelligence Announces Its Full Cooperation With U.S. Forces During Upcoming Top Secret June 12 Drone Strike On Al-Qaeda At 5:23 A.M. Near Small Town Of Razmani In North Waziristan

  • "Ask a Briton to describe “American-style” healthcare, and you’ll hear a catalog of horrors that include grossly expensive and unnecessary medical procedures and a privatized system that favors the rich."

    The British don't get it. Once there is justice for the wealthy citizens of the United States of Amerikkka and their income is completely free of taxes, there will be excellent health care for all and fountains of beer in every town square.

    • Ducksworthy

      I see you have been reading the Conservative Bible.

  • Pakistan is so horrible at Soccer that even India and Bangladesh beats them.

  • baconzgood

    Carefull Pakistan, if it comes down to choosing friends you ain't no India.

  • SorosBot

    Except these guys were spying on someone who is not affiliated with the Pakistani government, but technically a civilian and criminal.

    • Ducksworthy

      "not affiliated with the Pakistani government" might be a bit of over reach. Living in a mansion in the middle of Bud Abbottabad suggests some affiliation. Was he paying his property taxes?

    • zhubajie

      I assume he was lecturing at the military academy down the street.

  • Come here a minute

    Pakistan should arrest these people — I'm pretty sure if an American helped, say, France with secret info, he/she would get Bradley Manninged.

  • Ducksworthy

    But could Israel still afford its socialism without USAID?


    I bet they will prosecute the CIA agents for killing OBL and the couriers, who were Pakistani citizens. Then, they can collect blood money!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I am glad Pakistan is my friend. Pakistan lifts me up when I feel blue. Pakistan smells like ranch dressing. Pakistan is driving my car. Pakistan farts pure melons. Pakistan is like Galveston, but without Glen Campbell.

  • edgydrifter

    I know this makes me sound whorish, but I'd kiss way more ass for $2 billion. Kudos to Pakistan for having such high ethical standards, I suppose.

  • jus_wonderin

    OT OY!: Why is this website so slow sometimes? It is not the most complex webpage. Argh!!

    • That's not a bug. That's a feature.

      • Better jump in your spider hole donner_ when MS hits you with a copyright infringement suit in 3, 2, 1…

        With you on the slow jus_, the last few days reloads 'n such have been slow and likely the site is not in a Vermont maple tree in January.

    • AJWjr.

      I know, right? It's like it wants everyone else to post funny shit first, leaving me with worthless crumbs.

      • jus_wonderin

        Well, I must be last in the queue then. Wonkette, show me some love!!

    • flamingpdog

      Agreed, especially when peoples are posting hot and heavy, but even after the rush is over the last few days. Tired of seeing *loading* all the time, especially when I'm not loaded myself. I'm just hoping Downfisty hasn't been playing us and is actually a computer genius ph*cking with the web site operation.

    • Beowoof

      Gives everyone more time to come up with pithy comments. A feature programmed into the system.

  • hagajim

    Everyone is making fun of Dumbmerica? Shame on them, don't they know who we are? That's right, we're the biggest, baddest 2nd world country on the block with failing infrastructure, a shitty healthcare system, and a collapsing skool system. Fuck with us and we'll blow your ass up…if we can even find you on a map because we've degenerated into such 'tards. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

  • OneDollarJuana

    Bad teeth or no, their life expectancy is about two years more than ours.

    • Fare la Volpe

      That's two more years of gingivitis. No thanks.

  • I suppose Pakistan will use some enhanced interrogation techniques on these people. Nothin' wrong with that though, right wingers? (I'm looking at Yoo, John. Also lookin' at Ron Christie, Dick Cheney, Rick Santorum, George W Bush, Malkin, Limbaugh … what a list!)

    • zhubajie

      Send'em all to Pakistan!

  • What the US "intelligence" community learned after spending billions of dollars and killing a lot of Pakistani farmers with drone strikes:

    They are interested in blowing up India and don't give a shit about Al Qaeda. Which is exactly what everyone knew ten years ago.

  • bflrtsplk

    What would Ronald Reagan do?

    How many Wonkette Jrs. are there anyway?

    • SorosBot

      Give money and weapons to Osama bin Laden to fight the Soviets.

      Oh wait, that's the answer to "What did Ronald Reagan do?".

    • baconzgood

      Eat Jelly Beans and have his brain turn to mush. Oh! and sell guns to the Itola Khomeini.

    • proudgrampa

      Either Kirsten got tired, or the INS caught up with her and sent her back to Mexico.

    • Decompose?

      • AJWjr.

        Zombies make terrible compost, I'm afraid.

    • zhubajie

      Lay quiet in his coffin.

  • Goonemeritus

    It turns out Pakistan’s military doesn’t like looking the fool. Like North Korea Pakistan’s military typically have a significantly better standard of living than the general population. Over the years this has been tolerated in Pakistan and the military was even admired. After the Osama incident folks are beginning to question the status quo.

  • HuddledMass

    And death rates! Compared to other developed nations our life expectancy is tanking, especially for women — "In Mississippi, there are five counties where the life expectancy for women is on par with nations such as Honduras, El Salvador, and Peru. " USA! USA! USA!

    • AJWjr.

      To be fair, women living in those 5 Mississippi counties want to die young.

      • HuddledMass

        Well I certainly would, in their place.

  • Weenus299

    Plenty of room at the bottom of the sea.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Pakistan isn't even mentioned in Revelations — so yeah, fuck 'em.

  • Katydid

    Why did we tell Pakistan the names of our spies? CIA, ur doing it wrong.

    • AJWjr.

      Worst WitSec program ever!

  • Terry

    Did you see that someone is funding an "explorer" to search the Arabian Sea for bin Laden's body? bin Laden is fish food, no, he's fish poo by now. The people who are funding this search are literally throwing their money in the ocean.

    • freakishlywrong

      They're insane wingnuts. I encourage them to throw their money in the ocean.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Well, if one's object was not to find something, then bin Laden is a damn good thing to search for. If only President Obama's birth certificate had been so elusive, we'd still have that shrill undertone of lunacy to complain about.

      • fuflans

        oh has that gone away?

        • Beowoof

          Not completely, Trump has said it looks to be a computer generated forgery. And this from a guy who wears that hair.

    • fuflans

      and newt could TOTALLY use that money.

    • zhubajie

      They will make a buttload of money selling the video to wingnuts.

  • PsycWench

    Do arid countries waterboard? Do they sandboard instead?

    • LeAlbatross

      :sigh: California is a -state-, not a country.

    • flamingpdog

      Sandboard's out walking the Appalachian Trail.

  • Sparky_McGruff

    I'm guessing that if you include rural areas and inner-city areas, our teeth aren't all that great either. With the number of people losing medical insurance these days, I can't imagine that dental insurance coverage is looking that great.

    • That's true, but the perception in Middle America is that Europeans in general have horrible "socialized medicine," and that here in the states we have the "best health care in the world." For them is about being the best, not about being able to afford it.

    • DahBoner

      I know a great, inexpensive dentist in Tijuana.

      If he hasn't gotten killed in the drug war yet…

  • proudgrampa

    "A military spokesman denied a New York Times report that a serving army major had also been detained. "

    The spokesman continued, "This was because we fired his ass before we arrested him."

  • Guppy06

    Yeah, it's long past time we questioned Pakistan's foreign policy of "Pay us money or we 'lose' one of our nukes."

  • Fare la Volpe

    Soros, your p-ness has been chopped off!!

    A botched brit milah?

  • Steverino247

    Enlist and you can fly over it on the way to Afghanistan…

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Two billion in aid and we're screwing public school teachers (like myself) over copays and the "extravagant" wages we receive? On my 2012 presidential ballot, I think I'm going to have to write in my favorite candidate: Moving to Norway. This place sucks.

    • DahBoner

      That's because the average teacher makes 50K, which is way too much.

      When you leeches get out in private industry, then you're allowed to whine about how $250K is almost nothing…

  • genxr

    We are the best healthcare in the world! I heard that in Canada you have to wait ten months to get a maternity bed. And union rules don't allow doctors to treat patients.

    • HuddledMass

      Oh yeah – on — "Life expectancy in U.S. trails top nations"

      "Since 1997, women's life expectancy has slipped or failed to rise ….In Mississippi, there are five counties where the life expectancy for women is on par with nations such as Honduras, El Salvador, and Peru." USA!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    You can get similar, lovely, and non-terroristy lake views in the Lake Louise suburb of Canada City, and also in my neighborhood, the equally non-terroristy Olympic Mountains.

    • AJWjr.

      Or Convict Lake CA near my old home town…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Apparently, your lake is copyrighted and not hot-linkable.

  • HistoriCat

    They had a much more focused target for ridicule then.

  • Mock the tortoise website all you want now, but you'll be sorry when the Tortiban uprising imposes Shelliah Law on you.

  • ttommyunger

    America has the best friends money can't buy.

  • emmelemm

    Wonkette Jr.'s worth more than a dollar, tyvm.

  • emmelemm

    Why? Who? What? etc…

  • greypanter

    It's going to be fun watching Pakistan argue that they knew nothing about OBL, while prosecuting people for revealing state secrets about OBL. Maybe they'll use the politician technique, which seems to be that it's OK to assert two conflicting facts as long as you do it in two different locations.

  • MiniMencken

    Pakistani is not a nationality. It's a profession.

  • riverside68

    Location location location

    Pakistan owns the Kyber pass, which as conquers for thousands of years have known, is the best way to Afganistan. (Other options being Iran or some-fuc-i-stan from the state formerly know as USSR.) We are spending $10B a month in Afganistan, what's another $2B a year for the road?

    And Pakistan has China egging them on, China likes the idea of a war between Pakistan and India, China wants a pipeline across Pakistan and a deep water port on the Indian Ocean, and China has lots of money and a future. We play hard, we loose it all.

    Welcome to the end of the Empire.

    • zhubajie

      Re: the Khyber Pass, read George MacDonald Fraser, _Flashman_.

      • Gunner Asch

        I learned most of my 19th century history from the bibliographies in the Flashman books. Check The Steel Bonnets for some insight into the Scottish-English border areas from about 1100-1600. Can't tell the players without a scorecard. Sometimes not even then.

  • It's nobody's business who Weiner sends pictures of his johnson to, and it's nobody's business where Osama bin Laden had his masturbatorium. I hope that clears all that up.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Yes, Pakistan, you go ahead and try to figure out how something successful could occur in your country. I'm sure you'll have this nailed in a few short minutes.

    • DahBoner


  • iburl

    We should build a turtle fence in Waristan.

  • chascates

    With all of the money spent on this Middle East escapade we should have title to at least half of Pakistan. Just give us the border regions next to Afghanistan and someone will figure out how to make a theme park out of it. Suggestions for names?

  • notreelyhelping

    Dear Pakistan:

    Hope this finds you well and prosperous. We just wanted to mention, in case it somehow has been overlooked of late (we've both been so darned busy!!!), that those nuke things you have? We have some of those too! Yeah! Bunches of them, actually. Really, really big ones. Like you wouldn't believe!

    At this point, honestly, we're not even sure why we're keeping all these–there's more than anyone could ever use. I mean, in a couple of hours, we could turn a middlin-sized country into solid glass, border to border. E-Z! But, once you start building these things, it's so darned fun that you just have to build another. Or thirty. It's like collecting stamps or coins or butterflies. Beautiful little butterfiles, pinned to a wooden spreading board with a slim needle stabbed through their thorax.

    Anyway, hugs to the family. Here's hoping you have a great summer. Hate for it to be one those scorchers!


    The Pentagon

  • fuflans

    also: jesusness.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Israel bombed the USS Liberty in 1967 and killed 34 crew members. We saw how the politicians reacted to that!

    • zhubajie

      Hoped for the Rapture, I suppose.

  • fuflans

    david cameron should watch his damn mouth or the next gift from the special relationship will be a used DVD of 'hangover, part ii'.

  • sati_demise

    Buy him some Uncle Harrys Tooth Powder. Seriously, this product will cure periodontal disease and end your fight with caries.

  • MissusBarry

    Well, we know where $125 can come from.

  • Beetagger

    I met a British soldier once who was of the opinion that all Pakistanis should be "put down at birth."

    • Negropolis

      That sounds exactly like how I'd expect a British soldier to sound. Needless to say I wouldn't be surprised to hear that "Paki" was thrown around quite liberally.


  • zhubajie

    One of Mullah Omar's complaints about the US is that we don't take care of our elderly parents.

  • zhubajie

    Various Rep constituencies, too.

  • zhubajie

    Actually, if US pols were smart, they would make friends with the Afghans, and have them fight our enemies.

  • Negropolis

    You poor fools. If you ever think we'll cut Pakistan loose, I have a bridge in Alaska to sell yoou…

  • PubOption

    The British Health Service effectively gave up on dentistry in the days of Thatcher. That said, I have seen a higher proportion of the population missing teeth in the USA than in the UK.

    • Negropolis

      I haven't. What I've noticed is that even a lot of wealthy people in Britain have bad teeth. Good teeth are definitely more of a status symbol here in the States than in other places I've seen. Even working class folks here with little-to-no-dental plans will splurge on braces for their children. Hell, my mom raised two children on $20,000 (yeah, no dental), and she even splurged a few times on teetch cleaning, and a few drilled cavities. We're lucky our teeth turned out relatively fine without braces.

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