AND NOW A NOBEL PRIZE FOR NEWT  1:06 pm June 14, 2011

Gingrich No Longer Taking Media Questions, Mauling Faulkner Quotes Instead

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Stripped of any media handlers, Newt Gingrich’s new press relations strategy is to stand silently and stare at the press when they corner him and shout questions at him. Come on, Newt, at least make jokes. But no, Newt is the saddest marshmallow clown alive, and he will instead offer tragic incoherent literary perspectives about himself and his candidacy during policy speeches, and then tell the press to go cover that. Very well, Newt! Speaking to the Republican Jewish Coalition, Newt ventured a Faulknerian perspective on his flagging candidacy:

[Gingrich] said, “As someone who has been in public life for nearly 40 years, I know full well the rigors of campaigning for public office. In fact, I’ve had some recent reminders. If I could paraphrase Faulker’s Nobel Prize speech: I will endure the challenges. I will carry the message of American renewal to every part of this great land, no matter what it takes. And with the help of every American who wants to change Washington, we will prevail.”

That is exactly what Faulkner was discussing in his speech about the importance of poetry in preserving human civilization. He was saying that Newt Gingrich will rise from the ashes of his self-implosion to change the cynical political system he helped create.

Here is the section from Faulkner’s Nobel speech that Gingrich mauled:

I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet’s, the writer’s, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet’s voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail.

Yes, there are a lot of things in there about traveling the country alone blathering into the wind after all your friends have deserted you, to save humanity. [ABC News]

 

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{ 80 comments }

Barb June 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

"He was saying that Newt Gingrich will rise from the ashes …."
Decoded: Callista found a high end jewelry store in Phoenix.

nounverb911 June 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Are the Arizona wild fires heading west yet?

Gratuitous World June 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

"As my campaign lays dying…"

Mumbletypeg June 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

"You, Cash."

"…No not you — I meant, CA$H…"

emmelemm June 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Brilliant.

SarahsBush June 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Or wife, but whatever.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub June 14, 2011 at 3:42 pm

My mother is a newt.

Nothingisamiss June 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Definitely for the win.

FNMA June 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Newt is the new Benjy.

Giveusabob June 14, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Gotta respectfully disagree here. Benjy's imbicilism came w/o choice due to his autism.

Newt, on the other hand, took a stroll to the Idiot Store and asked for the volume discount.

baconzgood June 14, 2011 at 1:41 pm

If only he were Quentin.

finallyhappy June 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Such a sweet dog

PabaBritannica June 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Sound and the Fury was actually about Tea Party Protests and Light in August was about American Exceptionalism.

starfanglednut June 15, 2011 at 5:37 am

Is that what The Sound and the Fury was about? Cuz I thought it was about racism and misogyny.

Oh wait.

Mahousu June 14, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I know full well the rigors of campaigning for public office. In fact, I’ve had some recent reminders.
Indeed, once on his recent cruise, the wine steward brought a 2004 Côte-Rôtie rather than the 2003. Unbearable.

chicken_thief June 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

But he still sent Calista topside so he could fuck the shit out of the idiot steward.

Radiotherapy June 14, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Oh, I get it Newt: Obama = Joe Christmas.

Or, as I said last night: Newt does it without a staff.

weejee June 14, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Yes it is more of a toothpick and with hiz belly he hasn't seen it in years.

weejee June 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Newt needz to listen to the Stones' Sartre Me Up and embrace exitentialism.

jodyleek June 14, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Camus You

Oblios_Cap June 14, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"Requiem for a Newt".

SorosBot June 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Is Newt finally becoming self-aware and realizing that nobody likes him?

glamourdammerung June 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I doubt it. More like he is not really sure who to blame yet.

V572 [SSAN] June 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Hasn't got Clinton (B) to blame things on anymore…

Nothingisamiss June 14, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I'm sure he'll take his new found insight and quietly retreat into the night, never appearing on a teevee screen again.

axmxz June 14, 2011 at 1:27 pm

message of American renewal : Newt's campaign :: poetry : "There once was a man from Nantucket"

hagajim June 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I thought that was Weiners campaign strategy.

Native_of_SL_UT June 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Newt is an asshole.

DaRooster June 14, 2011 at 1:27 pm

"I will carry the message of American renewal to every part of this great land, no matter what it takes…"
"… and because I feel so strongly in this regard I will find some dumb whores and screw them forgetting all about my wife… does she have the cancer yet?"

baconzgood June 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm

"If you cant think of any other way to surprise them, give them divorce papers while they are on their cancer bed."

-Newt "Faulkner" Gingrich-

PsycWench June 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Funny how Faulkner's speech didn't have so many "I"s.

ManchuCandidate June 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm

That's the worst answer to "Hey Newt, how was your Greek vacation?"

DahBoner June 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

"Hey Newt, how was your Greek vacation?"

Callista said it hurt.

//rimshot….

hagajim June 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Yes, there are a lot of things in there about traveling the country alone blathering into the wind after all your friends have deserted you…

This has been Newt's life for the past 20 years – has it not?

baconzgood June 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm

"Between Grief and nothing I choose to cruise to the mediterranean"

-Newt "Faulkner" Gingrich-

Goonemeritus June 14, 2011 at 1:31 pm

This is like the new rule I have with my boss, he can only ask me question related Raymond Chandler novels

nounverb911 June 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

“Everything I say today is the truth, until tomorrow, when it becomes a lie”.

nounverb911 June 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Is he still around?

weejee June 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

And Lou Sarah starts practicing for the Voice me, me. me, me, me…
dough ray ME

Radiotherapy June 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I've always thought the Lou Sarah show is very Faulknerian.

weejee June 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Like Tommy Sutpen's sense of being so strong he could go it alone?

baconzgood June 14, 2011 at 1:37 pm

"I am the egg man. Koo-Koo-Ca-Joob"

-Newt quoting Faulkner wrongly-

metamarcisf June 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm

"There is no way to grasp what a shallow, contemptible and hopelessly dishonest old hack Newt Gingrich is until you've followed him around for a while."

Callyson June 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I will carry the message of American renewal to every part of this great land, no matter what it takes.
How does Newt define "American renewal," anyway? A return to the Gilded Age, when workers knew their place and the rich got richer? Oh wait…

neiltheblaze June 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Newt: The Sound and the Fury that signify nothing.

baconzgood June 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Newt created his own new Literary style: Stream of Crappyness.

Come here a minute June 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm

He certainly is full of sound and fury, and signifies nothing.

Native_of_SL_UT June 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm

The best way to change Washington is to put someone in charge who has been there for 40 years.

donner_froh June 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Mississippi doesn't deserve Faulkner.

V572 [SSAN] June 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Hard to imagine him in Arizona, though. It doesn't have a Yawknapatawpha County, so far as is known.

Moonbat June 15, 2011 at 9:18 am

Hell, US America doesn't deserve Faulkner.

Sue4466 June 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

So glad to see that Newt has been humbled by his recent firing. He will save America. Alone.

Billmatic June 14, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I wonder if Newt knows what paraphrasing actually is.

Gleem_McShineys June 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Something to do with paraplegics, right?

x111e7thst June 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I shall run on the beaches, I shall run on the landing grounds, I shall run in the fields and in the streets. .

petehammer June 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm

"And if I may paraphrase Dr. Seuss: 'And the 'Grich, with his 'Grich-feet ice cold on the stage, stood puzzling and puzzling, in quite a big rage. Mittens came without ribbons. Mittens came without tags. Mittens came without diamonds, divorces or sags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the 'Grich thought of something he hadn't before. What if love doesn't come from a Tiffany's store. What if love, perhaps, means a little bit more.' No questions."

Gopherit June 14, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I suspect, like most republican politicians, Gingrich only gets truly poetical about his penis. In that context, it sounds like he plans to fuck the entire country. That sounds about right to me.

LesBontemps June 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm

He just loves America so hard!

V572 [SSAN] June 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Git your muthufuckin hands offa mah Faulkner, Newt. How dare you put yourself on a level with the man who wrote "The Bear" or As I Lay Dying or Old Man.

Granted, both of 'em are more-or-less racists, though. But Newt is like Flem Snopes on stilts.

elviouslyqueer June 14, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Um, Newt, I've got the perfect Faulkner quote to sum up my feelings for you:

"I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are."

No love,

EQ

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I'm just waiting for Newt's learned discussion about how Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath is really about how the Depression was lengthen due to the lack of Tax Cuts for corporations and the rich.

Gopherit June 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm

And that fucking commie Tom Joad, If God wanted you to have "justice" you would have been born a Rockafeller and not an Okie.

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

How is that even a paraphrase? He used one word in common with Faulkner's quote, and instead of meaning something noble and human, he means it in a way that's tedious, venal and stupid. He may as well say he's quoting the Gettysburg Address, since that has "endure" in it as well.

ttommyunger June 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Ah, Newt; a giant in his own eyes, a legend in his own mind, a skidmark on his own boxers, a tiny goober in his own hand, a piece of shit on America's shoe sole… Scrape, baby, scrape.

Billmatic June 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I hope Newt paraphrases Ghostface next. Nahmeen? Aiyyo, word. Nahmeen? Word. Nawmsayin.

KennyCB June 14, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Hey, Newt! Where'd you put the corncob?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Who saw an intern he thought cute
While his wife lay dying
His wiener was thriving
So he gave her Tiffany Loot.

Tommmcattt June 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Ooh, yes! That's the spirit!

Radiotherapy June 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Didn't Palin also paraphrase this Faulkner quote in her "I Have a Quittin' Dream" speech?
Because it makes about the same amount of sense.

fuflans June 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

i got nothing. the ego, it stuns.

and blinds.

PristineODummy June 14, 2011 at 11:44 pm

I wish it *did* blind, just so I didn't have to look at that gawdawful braying jackass.

MiniMencken June 14, 2011 at 3:55 pm

The only Faulknerian thing about Newtie is his resemblance to the character of Abner Snopes.

gurukalehuru June 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm

The Faulkner quote didn't say anything about America. Newt's quote said nothing about writers.

SenileAgitation June 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Newt "Nobody Likes Me" Grinchgene mixed up his cultural paraphrasing references is all. He meant "You know that scene in 'Meet the Faulkners' where the Italian fella, whatsisname, swears alot, deniro, points to his eyes and then points to the jew kid, like 'I'm watching you'? That's what I'm doing, watching this country, and I'll be watching all over it, so, word to the wise. Don't mess up and elect someone crazy."

Mort_Sinclair June 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Oh, I get it! Faulkner modelled Benjy in The Sound and The Fury after Newt Gingrich. Benjy was "neutered," too, after he pawed at a girl on her way home from school. Caddy smells like trees.

Nothingisamiss June 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm

No one has ever said this to him.

DangerHelvetica June 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Faulk you, Newt.

Redhead June 14, 2011 at 8:44 pm

I thought poetry was too elitist for someone like Newt.

franco_pinyon June 15, 2011 at 8:46 am

Lately, every time I see Newt I think of Steve McQueen's first film.

"The Blob."

Wilcoxyz June 15, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Newt's done for infidelity what Faulkner did for Southern writers, so sure, let's give him a Nobel too.

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