Here is your “GOP debate blingee” which, you know, hang in there. Your furriner editor is new at the blingee thing.
SO HERE WE GO. Tonight’s debate is in New Hampshire, where Michele Bachmann last changed American history. Why was Sarah Palin trying to copy her so hard? Where is Sarah Palin, to wear the same color jacket as Michele Bachmann? This is now the second GOP primary contender debate, which, did that first one count? No, because Mittens was not there. What will Mittens say about the MEDISCARE? Will experimental linguist Tim Pawlenty use his favorite new word, “Obamneycare?” Who will say how much they want to sleep with Paul Ryan first?
10:05 – Okay, the post-debate show has not yet come on, so this is The End. HERMAN CAIN WINS AGAIN. GOOD NIGHT.
10:00 – So what have WE learned? Nothing. This was pretty boring. Where is Sarah Palin when you need someone to spout sentence-length illiteracy?
10:00 – Pawlenty totally tries to ride on Mitt’s Bruins joke.
9:58 – NEWT WILL TOTALLY WIN YOUR AMERICAN IDOL, MICHELE BACHMANN. PICK HIM. This is the best ticket we can possibly imagine.
9:57 – Tim Pawlenty called Iraq a “shining example in the Middle East” which, wow, it is pretty much past Tim Pawlenty’s bedtime.
9:55 – Haha, polls say you all completely suck.
9:54 – Is this over yet? Why was Hermann Cain talking about his grandma? Is she his running mate?
9:50 – Oh sure, now that it’s Obama’s stupid war to kill brown people it’s way too expensive. Rick Santorum said, “fecklessness,” which makes us think of “feces” for some reason. Which, you know.
9:45 – We made it 1 hour and 45 minutes into this debate without a 9/11 reference. Congratulations for ruining everything, Tim Pawlenty. Who are you, again?
9:42 – Mittens, handing power to the Taliban military is what REAGAN DID, you are allowed to stick with that.
9:38 – BREAKING: TIM PAWLENTY LOVES COKE.
9:37 – Who is this McElveen character and why does he sound like a drunken Tulsa radio DJ when he talks?
9:35 – What moron asked Ron Paul about eminent domain? There goes the rest of the debate time slot.
9:34 – Newt Gingrich says put Department of Homeland Security bureaucrats on the southern border, because they will form a nice human shield.
9:32 – Tim Pawlenty is in favor of sending Minnesota National Guard members to PROTECT THE BORDER from Canadians, who sneak hockey players into Minnesota. Not joking.
9:25 – Okay probably time for a bathroom break, Michele Bachmann is still yakking about abortion and how GOD GAVE THE RAPED LADIES A PRESENT don’t they see that?
9:21 – Hermann Cain just said, “druthers.”
9:18 – OH, tears, Michele Bachmann came from a broken home? This is news to us, we thought she came from space.
9:16 – We would like John King’s next “this or that” question to be: “BOXERS OR BRIEFS.”
9:12 – Ron Paul would like to reinstate the McCarthy witch hunts, blah blah Nazi Sharia patriot traitors something something wasn’t he just saying people should be able to opt out of paying taxes on programs they don’t like? THAT SOUNDS LIKE SHARIA.
9:10 – Hermann Cain wants to test new job applicants about the Constitution, which means no one will ever have a job in America, ever again.
9:04 – Michele Bachmman says that Obama is “more eloquent than I me” probably because he would not have made that same grammar mistake.
9:02 – What is this nation “Chillay” that Cain is talking about?
9:01 – GRANDMA TOSSED OFF THE BRIDGE. Hermann Cain has the best metaphors of anyone in this debate so far. He is winning.
8:56 – Does it sound like Newt Gingrich has a marble in his throat?
8:54 – Ron Paul has no idea what either a Blackberry or an iPhone is. That was a mean question.
8:49 – And Newt Gingrich says with absolutely zero hesitation: “American Idol.” Do he and Callista love to sing along?
8:45 – AHAHAHA Newt Gingrich would like to just build a giant railroad to the moon. And we are a third world nation.
8:44 – Corrected: John King is going “alright, alright, alright,” which is even more annoying.
8:43 – Is anyone else ANNOYED by John King quietly going, “uh huh, uh huh, uh huh” every two seconds while the candidates talk?
8:40 – Romney just said this: I am against the auto bailout, they should have done a bankruptcy, the auto bailout failed, Bush and Obama should not have done the bailout, they ended up doing a bankruptcy, like the one I said they should do, and that was terrible. Mittens just flip-flopped within the same single paragraph.
8:37 – MICHELE YOU CANNOT SAY BOTH ELVIS AND JOHNNY CASH. Pick one drug addict or the other.
8:35 – And now there is a break. BEER RUN.
8:32 – Newt Gingrich has like two hair helmets on one over the other. He said something totally incomprehensible about unions, and then the 10th amendment. Uhhhh, going to have to look that one up.
8:27 – Does this guy know that the protests were in Wisconsin, not Minnesota?
8:25 – John King says CNN will be hosting a Tea Party Debate soon, which sounds like “giant screaming kangaroo mosh pit” and so we will watch that.
8:23 – Did Michele Bachmann actually just say the Tea Party is made up of disaffected Democrats? Is the Tea Party secretly run by Ralph Nader?
8:22 – Santorum licks Paul Ryan’s ballz. His major legislative achievement welfare reform, he says, in other words KILLING POORS. SAVE FETUSES, KILL POORS.
8:15 – John King was the first one to repeat the word, “Obamneycare.” He gets to do the first shot. Pawlenty is using too much big words.
“Empowered consumers” SNOREEEEEE.
8:13 – John King: SERIOUSLY EVERYONE UNDER 30 SECONDS
8:13 – BREAKING UPDATE: God instructed Michele Bachmann to run for president, just now
8:10 – John King will spend the rest of this debate interrupting every candidate every single time he or she tries to speak.
8:05 – Rick Santorum takes a poop on Tim Pawlenty’s 5% GDP annual growth promise, and Tim in rebuttal says, “WE ARE NOT ARGENTINA” because they are negative nellies.
8:03 – Santorum and Bachmann talk about how many children they have and how long they have been married, which between them they have 64 kids and have been married for 204 years. Gingrich says, “we need more jobs in America.”
8:01 – WHERE IS THE CNN LIVE FEED. Oh, there it is. Stupid internet.
{ 695 comments }
WOOT! Where the boobies!?
They are all boobies.
Where's the non-white people at?
Stupid question, there aren't any!
FYI – New Hampshire is the only place I've been called a nigger in the last 10+ years, by some dick college student passing by in a Subaru – WTF New Hampshire??
Ugh, srsly? This is good news for Herman (Mc)Cain.
Did you see Affliction? Film with depressing drunks in NH.
Well, are you?
Well, my level of pigmentation only allows me to attain a certain level of non-niggerishness.
I was lacking sagging jeans, my gun, backwards hat, platinum medallions, etc, so I thought I was good. I had even been drinking all-American patriot approved PBRs.
But whatever, fuck those kids
Newt strapped on a fresh manssiere just for tonight.
Had to look that up. One of the many reasons why I love this place.
He meant a "bro."
Now just why do you suppose this already reminds me of the Miss America pageant?
WOW, Katydid, Como Esta? Long time no see.
Now this is a party.
And Blingees too!
Hiya Radio!!! I've missed you guys so much.
I still read My Wonkette every day, it's just that I took a job in the corporate world, and, erm, I'm fairly sure I'll get flagged for going on My Wonkette at work.
The only problem is that I can only read Wonkette at work on my iPhone, and I can't see comments! I assume now that Ken has left us, there are no plans to fix that. <sob>
The sadness of Ken's departure has been replaced by the joy of knowing that Katydid is alive and well and still reading Wonkette. Please comment more frequently, even if it's at night.
Katydid, scroll all the way to the bottom on your iPhone and click on "Original". It won't make SKS or Newell come back, but you'll be able to read comments. Is it a Green Job?
Srsly. iPhone owners (including myself) are clueless.
There's a lot of shit packed into that tiny black brick.
I'm in the same boat. If your phone brings up the Wonkette mobile site (it has/had a brownish background), try scrolling all the way down the main page. If there's a link to "Original Version" click that. Then you should be able to see the comments.
In our corporate "Murica, the Wonkette is required reading.
Mittens cheesy grin is a lot like Bert Parks?
Hmmm….Maybe John King will break out in song…."Here they are….The Fucking Assholes…."
No. No he won't.
Mittens looks like he needs to get punched in the face by Ron Paul. He's got Old-Man Strength, Mitt would go down like a two dollar whore.
"Why do you suppose this already reminds me of the Miss America pageant?"
Vaseline on their teeth to make them shiny.
Oh. Is THAT what it's for?
/goes to bathroom to clean vaseline off teeth
Fuck off, Rick Santorum.
X 7
Stupid x seven = ?
John King and the Seven Mental Dwarves
"Hi, I'm Newt Gingrich. As you know, life was perfect on Jan. 19, 2009. Now it sucks. This is clearly Obama's fault, obviously. Thank you."
If how many chirruns you got or are responsible for determines the winner, so far I gotta go with Ron Paul at 4,000 babbies!
Mitt Romney practices subliminal advertising by saying "It's nice to be back in St. Handsome." Nice try, Mitt.
Pawlenty just introduced himself, and half the audience fell asleep.
Isn't there supposed to be a drinking game of some sort to accompany this fuckery? Also?
Yes. Keep drinking until you agree with more than 30% of anything they say. Ron Paul doesn't count.
Keep drinking until you agree with more than 30% of anything they say
Yes, and then join AA immediately.
Ron Paul does not agree with 30% of what he says.
I watched about 20 minutes. There isn't enough liquor in the world.
Can a single person without children even LOVE America? Apparently not.
Based on my income tax rate, apparently that answer is NO. I'm tired of being fucked, in the name of the children. Get a job, you little heathens.
With all the Rethug governors and legislatures taking us back to the 19th century, it won't belong before you get your wish.
fuck the death panels, that is the least of our problems
I demand Birth Panels!
If you can't intelligently discuss the bill of rights or separation of powers, NO CHILDREN FOR U!
Needs more crazy.
No, no it really doesn't.
Oh dear — Tim Pawlenty sounds like he's describing himself as a contestant on Wheel of Fortune.
He isn't?
Too bad he keeps landing on "Morally Bankrupt".
I'd like to buy a vowel movement!
Herman Cain sounds just like Dunder Mifflin salesman Stanley Hudson.
Is downfisty in the house?
Why yes, apparently he is. :-\
Or she!
No, definitely he.
Just being inclusive!
It.
How do I hate simpering John King? Let me count the ways.
Oh, fuck….audience questions.
They were just random all-Americans, weren't they?
Let the circular firing squad/retardopalooza begin!
Two hours of non-stop LULZ!
First question from an illegal Messican college professor!
Lower taxes, Cain wins!
Can we do a Herman Cain "I only speak in metaphors" drinking game?
Who will say how much they want to sleep with Paul Ryan first?
Santorum.
Some of his best friends, etc.
I'm pretty sure they already slept with each other. Ryan's economic plan is full of Santorum.
Oh Ricky, go drill yourself
Obama's fault, Santorum wins!
Ooooh, lower taxes. Herman Cain just needs to add tort reform to be a typical Republican.
Pro business agenda, TPaw wins!
This is hard.
Answer the question Timmy. why didn't lowering taxes create jobs?
How odd that the question did not get answered.
Herman Cain said that Barack was "raised in Kenya" He's a different kind of black man, unlike a Kenyan.
Did he say that tonight??? I am not watching.
So would that make him "extra n-wordy" or "urbanely urban" or whatever nasty little phrase the republicans are using for african american these days?
If any of you are drinking to "cutting taxes" you should call in to work now.
Free markets.
Obamacare.
Job Killer.
If you're drinking to these, I can't believe you're still able to type.
Work? You mean like, a job?
Santorum and Bachman are married? When did that happen?
Bachmannn seems more like the Ann Coulter type.
blah blah blah wrong track blah blah blah job-destroying blah blah blah lower taxes blah blah blah wrong track
I'm not even watching. How'd I do?
You missed "Reagan Recovery" and "Obama Depression." If you guess which moran said that, you get to drink. If you don't guess correctly, you STILL get to drink.
Obama depression is what all of these losers will have after election day in November 2012
I regret that I have just the one upfist for that gem. Hope you don't mind if I use if on HuffPo, just to freak out the trolls there…I'll say I got it from a friend…
I'm going to say no to that? But, of course…run with it. Thanks.
Uncannily accurate, especially the "blah blah blah blah" part. You could speech-write for them.
"I'm not even watching. How'd I do? "
Gosh, it's like you're in the room! (admiringly)
They must have been through some think tanks, because the only word I heard all night was how much Obama "failed" was "a failure."
Pawlenty's budget — the man must be higher than a kite to propose a 5% growth over ten years while cutting the budget. What the hell could he be on, though? Xanax and shrooms, maybe?
I'll have what he's having
He's having Chicago School Economics and FOX "News". You definitely don't want any of that.
This President
is blackhas failed!Romney wins!
reagan!
drink!
Oh my gosh, I am hearing about Nancy Pelosi/Harry Reid again?!!
When did they get married?
I hope Gingrich's podium quits on him.
Lower taxes + Deregulation + Private Sector – Obama = GREATEST ECONOMY EVAR~!!!!11!!
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I watched it until I wanted to hurt myself more than I wanted to hurt them.
Is that the Newt Math we've all heard about?
Reagan raised taxes, Newt.
Details.
raised taxes and increased federal government spending.
kick his senile zombie ass out of the club for growth.
I would pay a serious amount of money to any journalist or voter who would point out the following fact to the Reeps:
A lagging indicator is one that follows an event. Back to our traffic light example: the amber light is a lagging indicator for the green light because amber trails green. The importance of a lagging indicator is its ability to confirm that a pattern is occurring or about to occur. Unemployment is one of the most popular lagging indicators. If the unemployment rate is rising, it indicates that the economy has been doing poorly.
http://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/177.asp
In other words–the awful unemployment picture *is* a result of the W years…
What was this small business Michele Bachmann ran?
No Homos, Inc.?
Nearly sprayed Bloody Mary on the screen. Thank you.
Children's Warehouse. You'll love the checks you get in the mail. I guarantee it.
Also, Newt — you are not Reagan — as awful an aspiration that would be, you fail to live up to that standard. On the other hand, you know your ideas suck.
Schreechy McScreecherson is a real live candidate. Holy Shit, more popcorn.
Hey, Newt gingrich is there. I thought they said he fell off his yacht in the mediterranean and sank to the ocean floor weighted down with gold rings and bracelets. Guess not.
Sleeping with the Osamas?
Newt looked like he wanted to fuck the crazy out of Bachmann when she was jabbering out her answer.
Its those big, crazy eyes that show whites on the top and bottom – my meemaw said the means she wants sex all the time.
I thought it meant she was crazier than a shithouse rat.
I don't think Newt is capable of the amount of fucking that would take.
No, but he did think she had a purty mouth… How is Callista, I mean healthwise?
There ain't enough cock in the universe to fuck the crazy out of that.
There have been no new jobs in the last 3 years. Except for all the new jobs.
Facts are stupid things.
Does Rick Santorum "liquidate debt" like Ron Paul?
santorum, liquid, theres a joke in there somewhere.
OK. Rick exudes liquidated debt.
"Does Rick Santorum "liquidate debt" like Ron Paul?"
Only after Ron Paul passes out the Free, Legal Heroin…
Ooh. Muppets! I think they're gonna sing.
Three steps? Does that questioner really think they've thought that far ahead?
do-si-do…
Some of the candidates have even managed to get out a sentence or two before Mr. King tried to stop them.
*I* got a job in Sarah Palin's America, donchaknow.
The good news is I got a raise, and the bad news is it threw me into a higher tax bracket. And this is how my life has gone so far.
Sucks to be you! I don't even qualify for a tax bracket, haha!
….You gonna eat that rock?
I'll split it with you.
Thank you Ron Paul for stating that the fight is against Keynesian economics — only the form of economic practice that kept us from having any bank failings from 1936 until the Reagan administration. And which every president who cut the deficit has practiced.
He thought it was Kenyan economics.
yeah I never understand how they keep these unsupported right-wing memes afloat e.g. "Keynesian economics, tax-cuts uber alles, trickle-down economics"
They float like fall leaves on the bark pool of Murrikan ignorance.
"I will not rest until I repeal Obamacare"
Oh good–soon Bachmann will collapse from lack of sleep…
I don't think she sleeps….*shiver*…
Probably sleeps standing up in one of the those tubes like the Borg do. On gawd, maybe that what Cheney's man-sized safe was for!!!
The live-bloggie time-bullet-points are going in magical reverse-order, or, more technically, descending order. Have they ever done that before?
I thought I was watching Memento, and not reading about some facacta Republican debate. It was a nice delusion, while it lasted.
If Christopher Nolan was directing the Republican debates, I **might** consider watching.
Bachmann is off on a tangent… still.
arctanh – inverse hyperbolic tangent
Are you implying that she's transcendental?
The folks at Factcheck.org and Politifact.com are probably having a heart-attack right now.
Tonight's like defcon-3, round the clock work for those poor hacks.
Yeah. Too bad nobody who votes Republican would ever look at one of those sites, so it's howling in the wind.
PS Facts have a known liberal bias. Period, full stop.
They'll need some help. But at least we now know how the Republicans plan to create jobs.
Or, we now know the republicans say they will create jobs.
I didn't hear any plans. Oh wait, just like all the job-creating legislation that has been passed since November? Oh, wait. Yes, the millions of vaginal ultrasound technician jobs that will open up as more and more states pass the right there in the constitution law that says the gummint can peer up into all those lady parts also too across this great nation.
St. Petersburg? We have a problem.
ObamneyCare!
Listening to the craziest Republicans trying to out-crazy each other — good gravy, why did I think this was a good idea?
Pawlenty just gave Romney the most smug smirk I've seen…
This might be too painful.
Well, I made it 15 minutes into "Soundbites from Crazyland." Time to watch something less dangerous to my mental health…
BarackMyWorld…..I think I may join you. What the…people will vote IN THE MILLIONS for one of these jackasses (or someone like them.)
Yeah, we switched to "United States of Tara" about the lady with DID (multiple personality disorder) to get away from the crazy.
Cost containment? The fear mongers who brought us the death panels are going to complain that Obama's HCR did not contain costs well enough? LMFAO!
Are they having a contest to use the non-word "Obamacare" the most in one sentence? And man they've got Romney squirming.
All I hear is blah blah blah from the candidates and uh uh uh from John King
Pawlenty's a little bitch with his chit-chat, but Santorum just wants to know where your dick's at.
Santorum really was in the Senate? The US Senate? That many people voted for him?
Free Obamacare Job Kill Market Government
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE
Timmy is getting spanked.
Santorum (and any of the rest of them, really) must be so jealous.
Lassie, go get help, girl!
The mod skewers Pawlenty for ducking the question. Awesome.
Obomonnycare?
I liked how it was Obama's fault that T-Paw came up with that. Obama made him say it.
I think that was his response to "Why the fuck do you keep saying 'Obamneycare'?"
Watching these losers tap dancing, all I can think of (with apologies to Bob Dylan) is…
"These jackoffs, my friend, are pissing in the wind, these jackoffs are pissing in the wind."
Newt doesn't understand the Constitution; shocker!
Why is Gingrich talking about man dates? Does he need one?
Where's Gary "Shandling" Johnson?
Debating a fake Obama on Fox "news" earlier.
Seriously.
Newt does it without a staff.
Damn, only 1.5 pages through 8 pages of comments (so far), and we get a weiner joke.
"I took food from people's mouths."
-Prick Santorum
But he's "pro-life".
Get on your knees and thank the Tea Party like a man!
And of course, Santorum jumps in with, "I'm a complete moderate." All the crazies swing hard to the center!
Just felt a shift in the earth's axis.
Moderately insane.
Did Rick Santorum just tout his efforts to completely end welfare as a POSITIVE? Jesus fuck, Republicans.
Taking bets on which of these fuckers is going to be the first to eat a poor black baby on the campaign trail.
And flick the bones at a beggar.
Holy fuck: DOWNFISTY is in the house. I was kidding before.
Upfists for every drink!!1!
OTP! OTP! OTP!
Bachmann: the Tea Party is a wide swath of the American people
Um, well, it certainly has a wide stance, anyway…
And they're just plain wide, also too.
Who are these seven people interrupting my viewing of the John King Show?
No crazy Michele, the teabaggers do not include former Democrats or real independents. And nice that she can predict the future.
22 minutes–I can't take it anymore.
The only reason I'm still here is for the comments.
Yeah–I'm here, just not there.
Haha. That prediction will be fun to replay the day after Obama is reelected.
Bachmann's train of thought is a wreck.
Listening to Michele for much longer is gonna make me drop a three-legged stool.
I did not know that the Tea Party was largely made up of disaffected democrats. If Michelle says it, it's true.
No fact checking will be done on this statement.
JOHN KING WILL PULL THIS DEBATE OVER!
Bachmann — "we need every single one of us on a three-legged stool." Uhhhhh…
Some nights a girl's feeling a little frisky…
Her husband is busy "treating" gay men … she has NEEDS you know!
"…because every single one of us is a two-legged fool."
Right people and the right plans? Who is this Jedi master?
This is like a hemmorage of stupid on stage….I've never seen this much mutant stupidity in my life. Figures all the "questioners" are old and white and their questions are all stupid and angry. This is the modern GOP at work…oh and Bachmann says the teabaggers are made up of "disaffected Democrats and Independents" blah, blah, blah. Obviously sugar tits can't read demographics: 91% white and 92% GOP, duh. If Herman Cain brings up his stupid pizza experience again, I'm gonna flog myself. Okay, it happened….I'll be back soon.
Herman Cain.
NO MUSLIN PIZZAS!
"The right problem…the right people…I will do what's right"
Wow…Cain is impressive…I wonder why no one else ever thought of that…
"My plan is to win."
Bachmann says the Teatards are mainstream and the need all three legs of the stool. Well she got the stool correct, but the Teatards are not mainstream, but a forcemain – a whole host of stools being pumped through a tight pipe.
Is Joe the (not)Plumber on her staff?
Say "Hancock" again….
Oh this questioner really likes to hear his own voice. And he's a nut.
Sorry, that was Ron Paul; I just mistook him for a ranting old homeless man.
"Who will say how much they want to sleep with Paul Ryan first? "
The last time I checked the Wonkette style book said that "have sexy time with" or "buttfuck like a dog" are acceptable euphemisms for sleep with.
Did Pawlenty just say that he grew up in a meat packing town? Does that involve Santorums?
haters, no merkia flag lapel pins except for t-paw
Santorum grew up in a meatpacking town….he was probably the inspiration for the liver scene in Portnoy's Complaint.
Oh dear — Ron Paul's economic theory is like Miles Davis playing the blues. Although as economists should know by now, adding and subtracting should not be creative. Music should be crazy — Miles Davis as your accountant leads to Enron.
"Miles Davis as your accountant leads to Enron" Whoa. That's deep.
Poor business owners, why is there no one in government to take up their struggle?
Pawlenty talks about being raised in a meat packing plant. Mmmmm.
♪♫ Spam, spam, spam, spam, spamity spam ♫♪
GrittyBlue Collar South St. PaulSo he was an early Armour Treeter and not a Spammer?
Oh, see I thought Herman Cain said he would surround himself with the "white" people.
It's a win for him if this is what the audience heard.
Pawlenty: "I'm not for being stupid."
Coulda fooled me.
Personally, I'm not for being poor, but….
Hey T _-Paw: The blue collar struggles were exacerbated under Saint Ronnie and his neglect of the nation's manufacturing base, you idiot…
"I know someone who is moving his whole company out of the country because of Obamacare."
Really?
Bet they were they driving a Cadillac.
Michele: let the corporations poison our air and water again and fuck over everybody to create jobs!
What poisoning of our air? "Carbon dioxide is NEAAATURAL." True Bachman quote.
This is like listening to my coworkers. Do not want.
The only stool that applies to Michele is the kind that needs to be periodically flushed.
Kill the EPA. And I'm done here folks.
Sorry. I thought I'd have a little more stamina for stupidity.
I guess, like aerobic activity, we need to slowly build up over the long term.
But this is really too much stupid.
"I guess, like aerobic activity, we need to slowly build up over the long term."
What a horrifying thought. makes me want to cry. I couldn't even make it throught a 2 hour debate listening to these horrible, horrible soulless freaks.
Yeah, kill the EPA! We don't need no stinking environment. The free market will provide all the oxygen we need.
Yeah! We're upstream, you folk downstream get a treat from our dumping our turds. Just run your water through a strainer and use them for fertilizer. Win – win.
Bachmann is right–that darned environment just gets in the way of job creation. Let's get rid of it.
Fuck the Earth! Catchy new GOP slogan?
Did all these guys all take a talking point enema? they're just shitting out buzzwords with no syntax.
Our businesses are being crushed by our burdensome laissez-faire approach to regulation! Tim Pawlenty wants to free American industry from the awful burden of right-to-work laws, lack of quality control and lack of food safety.
God Ricky, trickle down economics has been tried several times, and it failed miserably you hateful woman-hating man.
Pawlenty just said "right to work" without any sense of irony.
Shut it, Crazy Shelley.
The teabagger party is made up of bugfuck crazy rethugs like our dranged f
riend Twisted Fister (aka Spanky2b).~
And once again we look to the states of the former Confederacy for our way forward.
Speaking of Pittsburgh and Santorum...
Top 20 reasons to vote against Rick Santorum http://www.pittsburghcitypaper.ws/gyrobase/Conten...
PS: thanks to my hometown and my homestate for kicking Ricky to the curb in 2006…hope the rest of the nation does the same…
Santorum first to say Founders
Bachman, first to say Liberal
Newt first to say NLRB
I've got a real question….Which moran up there has the ugliest soul? I think it's between Newt and Santorum, although Ron Paul's dalliance with white supremacists puts him right up there.
I think Newt, but I could be talked towards any of these horrible humans.
Welcome back Katydid!
Ugliest soul? Christ, on that stage, even the black dude doesn't have soul.
I think we need more kippered fetuses . I'm for Santorectum all the way.
Ok, now things are looking up. "I would fuck over unions." "No, I would fuck over unions!" "ME! I hate unions, too!!"
Newtie: we need to be like North Dakota. ???
Break; time to refill the drink.
Newt espouses Texas' employment level — ha — see what happens when Texas fires 300,000 teachers and state employees next year because their creative accounting has come home to roost.
That made me moist, Wookies.
Cain has no fucking clue what right-to-work laws are.
He truly is a Republican.
wow John King deserves these assholes & vice-versa…
Leno or Conan?
The very essence of the incisive journalism you can count on CNN to provide.
What a surprise that Ricky would make the choice only those with no sense of humor would pick.
Coke!
Leno!? FUCK YOU, SANTORUM!
Santorum–Marry, fuck, kill: Leno, Conan, Letterman?
I'm picking up this vibe that it's not exactly Lincoln-Douglas.
It's more like Lincoln-Wilkes Booth.
Could John King be more stupid and insipid?
Silly me, of course he could…he could be a FOX "news" anchor…
Blue or red sequins? I'm guessing a tasteful mix of both.
NOT WATCHING. DO NOT WANT.
Commercial yay!
So, I'm not watching because I plan to get up early tomorrow and drive to Vague-ass to see one of my kids, so I cannae afford the drinking game. Oh, and I don't have teevee.
But, here at the first turn (3/8ths mark), who is winning the crazy? So far it just sounds like the usual falsehoods (thank you for "talking point enema", Lucid). Who is bringing the real cray-cray?
No cable here; cnn.com is streaming it live.
That QR code was on screen for what, four seconds?
Meanwhile...
Boston 2
Vancouver 0
1st, 12:50
Indians 1
Yankees 0
Top of the fifth
Wow, our downfisting troll is spending more time on us than on watching the Reeps. I'm truly flattered.
Brought to you by Cadillac and Cenegenics.
as usual…. .http://wonkette.chatango.com for live chatting. night all.
Michele can't even commit to a silly music question?
Michelle has seen the "devastation" that the corporate tax rates have caused.
Medical care for poor people? Not so much.
Do poor people create jobs? I think not!
CNN just lurves technology, but they can't even do basic TV right.
Nancy Grace should be hosting.
*puke* this is so yucky.
Grandpa, who is more demented than a nursing home, just got his smartphone and took a picture of the screen. WTF?
JK — "Congressman Bachmann — Elvis or Johnny Cash?"
MB — "Oh, that's a tough one — both."
JK — "Congressman Bachmann — tax cuts or revenue increases?"
MB — "Oh, that's a tough one — both."
Bachmann has a major addiction to false eyelashes
First one to say "NO TAXES FOR EVERYONE!" will win this "debate."
NO TAXES FOR ANYONE EXCEPT THE POOR!
There, can I haz Prezdent yob now?
El Pinche, if I never told you this before, I love you man.
The feeling is mutual Radio.
No taxes for some, tiny American flags for all.
Cain was for TARP before he was against TARP.
FREE MARKET FREE MARKET FREE MARKET FREE MARKET
General Motors had "nothing to do with the financial system"? Ever hear of GMAC, Cain?
NEWT : Callista darling, I'm the man of one thousand ideas.
CALLISTA : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Romney: "The bailout was not a success."
Yeah, look at all that crippling money they're making and all those job-destroying jobs they're creating. It's awful!
I especially like all those high-paying green jobs promised by the Democrats since they took complete control of Congress in January, 2007:
U6 Unemployment rates 2007-2011
Cry more, Breitard.
Glad to see your stalker arse got unbanned finally (or you made yet another account) so you could make jokes about nine year old girls getting murdered.
Romney — the bailout that saved millions of jobs was a complete failure.
In the end, economics — the only environment where the end really justifies the means — Romney thinks the failure is because Obama saved GM and Chrysler the wrong way. Right.
I'm glad you laid out the Romney answer for me. I knew it just needed to be explained to make sense.
pan the audience of old white men
Romney:
"Bankruptcy: The Business Model of the 00's"
Oh and Johnny Cash is totally better than Elvis.
Fuck Yeah, Bot, not even close.
Downfisty is an Elvis fan?
This is not as interesting as a debate between good Democrats like Rod Blagojevich, John Edwards, Kwame Kilpatrick, etc..
Oh, please do a Chappaquiddick joke. You're killing us with all this fresh material, dude. Some of your references are less than 10 years old! FIX THAT PLEASE.
Plus, you could try maybe a non-non sequitor, maybe? eg. This is not as interesting as a debate between your face and a wood chipper! Or between George Bush's face and a pretzel! Or between the contents of the other George Bush's stomach and the Prime Minister of Japan!
Or a debate between Barbara Bush and a pickle jar.
They're not running for president, you moron.
Congressmen actually showing up to work?
Newt–please go into space… Now!
Newt: bureaucracy, failure, tragedy….we are NOT a developed country.
Ha, I had that exact same thought.
He's too fat to be borne aloft by any extant booster-rocket technology. Plus, he's a d*ck.
That suggestion explains the answer to this question:
Why don't space aliens make contact with us? http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_don't_space_al...
The cnn.com feed cut out on me – I think it was trying to give me a hint. But now I've got it back anyway and Gingrich wants to privatize space exploration.
Privatize space exploration? That's what all the right-wingers in Houston are hating on Obama for (in addition to the everywhere Republican talking points).
Newt's space vision must be drug induced.
Space exploration? How many softballs are these candidates going to get?
If only I lived closer to NH…
"Yes, I have a question: where are the jobs? Hint: they are not hiding behind the tried and failed tax cuts you are all focused on like a laser…"
Newt: "We're not in a deveolped country." WTF? I mean, sure, not if any of you assclowns are elected….
Newt Gingrich is from Uranus?
Geeze, Newt — NO! It is simply not true that if we gave the money to the private sector that we spent on NASA over the years we'd have colonies on Mars right now. You know how much money the private sector would've spent on solar power if we didn't incentivize it? This cult of the private sector might reach its apotheosis in this election cycle. Ugh.
Uh, T-Paw, it was government not managing the housing market that allowed the private sector to cause the crash; Congress did nothing to make it happen, idiot.
So all these people running for president want to get the government out of absolutely everything. This must be the laziest bunch of motherfuckers on the fucking planet on that stage right now.
Ron Paul: recessions are good!
Yeah, let's get the bottom to fall even further out of the housing market and then we can all go back to work. ??? ??? ???
Not one original idea from these fucking idiots. They're just speaking in terms of bumper sticker slogans.
More precisely (based on a three minute sample), no ideas at all. Every question is turned into "Obama's stuff doesn't work".
Actually, some of the questions are okay, but the answers are non-existent.
And small stickers at that.
"bumper sticker slogans"
Hope.
Change.
2012.
With actual policy to back them up, cretin.
Ron Paul: "I would want to do much less much sooner."
The proecution fucking rests. Drink, motherfuckers.
I like my food dangerous.
A good dose can strip-off the pounds much faster than the gym.
Paul: "Corrections are good."
Translation: tough shit, homeowners…we can't do anything to protect your equity. Free market. Your house will eventually regain its value, maybe when your grandchildren retire…
Was that Bachmann's sister in the audience there?
I think this is the last time I will tune in to The John King Interruptive Phoneme Show.
E. Coli on my pizza!
And what about the housing market?
Tornadoes?
Herman Cain thinks the federal government should be enforcing food safety. Herman Cain is a big government liberal!
I hope everyone realizes the only reason Herman Cain "isn't a politician" is because he lost his Senate primary.
It's quite unwatchable. Instead, I'd rather hear about it afterward through a Wonkette filter of viciousness. That's the only way I won't want to scream before these irredeemable pieces of shit can get even though an entire sentence.
This comment thread and others to follow are the only thing that will make the upcoming election season remotely bearable.
Nancy Pelosi, August 24, 2006:
"Democrats have a commonsense plan to help bring down skyrocketing gas prices…"
You do know multiple accounts is a violation of Intense Debate terms of service, right?
'Scusies Noman, Agent Orange is the Speaker, not Pelosi.
A plan which was filibustered in the Senate, moran.
Seriously, see if you can make one comment that isn't a non-sequitor. Do it for Jesus! Do it for John McCain! Do it for yourself, because you're worth it.
Noman is a Koch sucker.
That's a gr8 example of libuhreal humour.
Oh look, Spanky2b is calling himself "noman" and has joined our little party.
~
Private Sector FEMA and disaster relief, also known as Gangs of Looters (GOL).
That audience is a blinding shade of eggshell.
Just sayin'.
And a wider shade of Palin.
Me likey my whites with a side of whiter.
Dancing with the Stars or American Idol? I couldn't commit to that one since I have and will never watch one of steaming piles of crap.
Newt just did the Bristol Stomp by picking "Murican Idolz over Prancing with the Starz.
Palin victim rant in 3, 2, 1…
Boston 4, Vancouver 0; 8:24 in the second
Sorry downfisty, Elvis can be fun but his music was all just lightweight fluff.
What about "In the Ge-hetto"?
Fat Elvis doesn't count.
Mitt Romney: He's the tallest.
And what about gas prices?!
DWTS or American Idol?
Beavis and Butthead or MST3K?
Drink, motherfucker, drink.
Back from the break:
Evolution or Creationism?
Coolidge or Ike?
You have just won the debate!
Yes, fracking is fucking genius..
Thank you Minnesota guy for letting us know that housing bubble was caused by government "micro-management". It's weird how that happened alongside nearly complete deregulation. This debate is very educational!
Ron Paul wants to piss off the Mac hipster-nerds.
Ron Paul: "What are those?" "Are you talking about those tiny telephones?"
What does 'reinvent' mean, anyway? How is it different from plain old 'invent'?
reinvent is to invent as plagiarism is to write?
Who the hell knows? But wouldn't it make more sense to brag about something original?
Holy fuck, this is like the logical fallacy olympics. They've been throwing around so many strawmen, a single spark could set the whole place ablaze. Please stop making the baby Aristotle cry, you dumbfucks.
brilliant.
Romney – the bailout was a failure. The government should have just thrown a bunch of people out of work, like I did at Bain Capital. Oh, and check out my crappy record when I was governor of Massachusetts: http://politicalcorrection.org/mobile/factcheck/2...
Ron Paul solves medicare — as an obstetrician, this might be his first abortion.
At least Paul brings up cutting the military budget. Still doesn't make him any less of a kook who's been pallin' around with White Supremacists.
been pailin' around
* fixed
I love how T-Paw wants to run on his record. His record here in Minnesota sucks.
What's wrong with a few lost bridges?
and 5 billion in debt.
He blames that on the legislative Democrats. Apparently, the dog ate his veto pen.
The thing known coast-to-coast during his administration is the I35 collapse, where the engineering recommendations for repair were over-road (so to speak) by his minions, yet he immediately goes to the Palin victim shtick.
Newt does not like to be quoted, sir — calling the Ryan Medicare fraud "social engineering from the right" is a blatant lie if anyone quotes it.
Sorry, Ron Paul.
But your few sane ideas are enough to disqualify you from the Retardlican nomination, in spite of the bigotry and big corporate fellatio that you do so well.
~
My husband just tweeted, "If you are elected President, how long will it take you to run the country into the ground?"
Bonerized underwear pix to go with that tweet or GTFO!
Santorum, you asshole, the Ryan voucher plan is not the same thing as fucking Medicare Part B.
Goddamn–what is up with the crazy-eyes audience?
The rationing of health care bogeyman–I was wondering when that would come up. News for ya, Ricky, health care is *already* rationed by the lack of availability, pre – existing condition clauses, and other issues…ones that Obama's HCR will get rid of or make better…
Who are these Commies? Restructure Medicare? I thought this was a Republican debate.
There is a car alarm going off outside my apartment, which ordinarily would be annoying as fuck, but tonight it provides a nice respite from the napalm-grade stupid emanating from my TV screen.
Thank darrel issa and drink!
Paul Ryan is feeling the love!
Herman, there is no problem with Social Security (there is with Medicare). Oh it's not demagogueing to accurately describe a plan to destroy Medicare as a plan to destroy Medicare.
WaPO: Alarm Sounded On Social Security
CBS: Social Security on Pace to be Drained by 2037
CNN: Social Security: More going out than coming in
Whoa 2037; that's just around the corner! Oh and it's not drained; and only if there's very low economic growth and revenues during that time.
Flesh Gordon: "Doctor Jerkoff! What's happening?"
Dr. Flexy Jerkoff: "Our Spaceship is entering the Moron-o-sphere!"
(Moronic Laughter begins to permeate the ship's hull & the nosecone is pelted with garbage)
And here we all are. Entering the Moron-o-Sphere.
This is the worst group of candidates ever assembled. And that's not even counting Palin.
I think Palin is narcissistic enough and delusional enough to still think she can avoid all the debates where she knows her 83 IQ can't compete even with tonight's illustrious assemblage, and just sashay a-winkin', and a-blinkin', and a-flirtin', and a-flashin' her crusty dusty hoohaw to the republican nomination at the last minute.
How cute–a questioner wants a specific answer. I love optimists.
It all gets down to the quality of the teleprompters.
Hey that's old school, a joke about how Reagan used teleprompters all the time.
If we have to have a troll, why can't it at least be witty?
They're all like this. I blame the Amygdala.
Why do you hate Ronald Reagan, Noman?
Ha ha — Herman Cain tells the questioner that he is not going to get what he put into Medicare. Did you know that the average Medicare recipient gets four times what he puts in? That doctor looks pretty close to Medicare eligibility, so yeah — he's going to do alright. Sorry that conflicts with your narrative.
You know who else liked what they did in Chile 30 years ago?
Yeah um, is he really praising Pinochet? Fuck.
I'm going nuts trying to remember which stooge, in recent months, went on record saying Chile's was the way to go~
EDIT: found it. Was thinking of Sharron Angle.
Every one of these scumbags would be perfectly happy in Penochet's Chile, Franco's Spain & Peron's Argentina. As long as they were part of the Junta – powerful & filthy rich and Fuck the ones who fall.
I don't think any of this bunch realize that it is highly unlikely that any of them would be part of the ruling class. We are not talking old money/power on that stage.
Bulllseye. They're all just so self-besotted that they Know they belong At The Top. No self-respecting Junta would let any of these clowns run so much as a food stand without State Supervision.
Not raise the debt ceiling? There goes the Wall Street vote, Mittens…
Cain said the city of Galveston left SSI and now they retire with more money? Really? This just came out of a hat.
Romney speaks entirely in meaningless talking points; there's not a genuine bone in that man's body.
*in unison* Oh… Shut Up!!
Everything will be fabulous if we raise taxes on the wealthy and regulate every aspect of every business.
Government should take over key industries like energy, food, transportation, clothing, groceries, health care, etc.. Those are too important to trust to private industry.
Better slow down, you're going to run out of straw.
eat shit–go away
"eat shit"
Why, is that on Mooshell's new diet guideline plate?
You're just jealous that you will never have our FLOTUS Michelle's intelligence, education, accomplishments, grace, beauty, classiness, or fabulous family because you're a knuckle dragging mouth-breathing loser as is evident from your idiotic comments.
Pretty much, yes. You're telling me you would prefer to leave Bankruptcy Trump in charge of your food?
Mittens is going on about how Obama is supposedly failing to lead. I wonder how he defines "lead" when the Party of No refuses to cooperate? Is he calling for Obama to ignore Congress and do everything by executive orders? Well, for once I might agree with Mittens
Mittens is all about being the Daddy in the Daddy Party. He missed his calling–in a fifties teevee show.
So, Shelley, you're admitting that Bush sucked?
Hey idiot assholes up on stage, go fuck yourselves. The republicans voted to raise the debt ceiling seven times during the Bush administration.
Michele just quoted Barack Obama. RINO!!!
John King: I want to remind the candidates to make their empty soundbites smaller
Spanky2 has all the gooper talking points down!
Are you going to announce your candidacy here on Wonkette, spanky2/spanky2b/noman?
~
T-Paw, the people that wrote the Minni constitution were not the "Founding Fathers".
It's god talk time!
It's the "how much do you love Jesus?" question.
Oh dear — it's a faith off!
Santorum — "If your faith is pure and your reason is right, you'll end up with the same thing." No, Rick. No you won't.
What role does faith play in politics? Shit, everyone on that stage who seriously wants to win is praying for a miracle..
Ron Paul, the libertarian: "You can't teach people how to be moral." Um, doesn't libertarianism depend on the idea that people left to their own devices will do the morally right thing? The man is ten pounds of crazy in a five pound bag.
Except when it is a law banning gay marriage bans, which he voted for.
Cain don't want no Sharia Law tellin' him how to make pizza.
Paul: The first amendment says Congress shall not prohibit the expression of your Christian faith. Um, which word has to be removed to make this statement accurate?
And Caine brings on the Islamaphobia and imaginary Sharia Law boogeyman.
Cain's going all in on the Muzzlin hatin'
Right, because the militant American-killing Muslims all want a job working in the White House office of legal counsel.
You look at their religion.
Herman Cain would not be comfortable with someone in his Cabinet trying to kill him. Good point.
Cain: "I do not believe in Sharia law in American courts. I believe in American law in Sharia courts."
Sharia law: the most important issue of the 2012 election. If Herman Cain appointed a Muslim Secretary of Agriculture, sharia law would most likely be used in American courts.
Cain comes out against Sharia law. And then, when King asks him about loyalty oaths, says, "No — you are restating something that I did not say." Newt immediately files for copyright infringement.
That line caught my ear too.
Mittens is sounding a little too reasonable and non-bigoted talking about Muslims; this'll cost him.
Wait until they get to the 2nd Amendment.
Kill, kill, kill.
Cut taxes, no regulations, Jobs, the 10th Amendment. GOD.
It's the disadvantage he suffers as a minority — he might understand what it's like to be discriminated against. And I'm not even sure if I'm being serious or not.
I wasn't surprised, but I was hoping when he answered, he'd have started out "As a Mormon…" But, yeah, he sounded reasonable because he even knows he couldn't get away with the hypocrisy of beating Muslims over the head being of a minority religion, himself.
Republicans NOT deliberately retarding the process, obstructing the appointment of judges etc?
Did someone just laugh when Romney mentioned the American tradition of religious tolerance?
Liberalism is a religion.
Try buying a dictionary.
Dictionaries have a liberal bias.
Because they are full of facts!
Can someone fill me in? I was gonna watch but then I got drunk and fapped with steel wool instead because I reckoned it wold be less painful and more intellectually stimulating…
You're gonna need a bigger piece of steel wool.
I'd go looking for a steel sheep. And don't forget the cowboy boots. Keeps 'em from running off.
Every religion except Mormonism, Mitt.
Yeah, remember when we placed all those German Americans in relocation camps because they might be Nazis?
Me neither.
Shall I post some comments from you communists that are over the top?
Or you could answer my simple question instead of posting non-sequiturs.
By the way, multiple accounts are a violation of Intense Debate terms of service.
As a Devout Progressive, it is your Holy Duty to attempt to eliminate all dissent by whatever means necessary.
You're not a "dissenter", you're just a viciously stupid dolt stuffed full of talking points but without one original thought in your dull skull.
I notice you are still throwing out random nonsense because you are too cowardly to answer my simple question.
Also, making stupid remarks about the murder of nine year old girls is not dissent. Trolling a website for hours everyday is not dissent. They are signs of a deep personality disorder at best.
I'm delighted you have sought professional help to assist you in dealing with you obsession with me and also with your compelling need to control posters on the internet. Best of luck to you!
Neut loves loyalty oaths. Probably because they worked so well.
I can't get a picture, only sound
And you should be thanking your lucky stars for that happy event
I agree with Gingrich. If someone says to him "I am not prepared to be loyal to the United States", they should most likely not serve in his presidential administration.
But what if they say "I want to kill Herman Cain", hmm?
Mittens says something sane! Sharia law won't be practiced in the USA because we have a constitution. duh
Mittens seems to be cleaning up in the "least idiotic" category tonight.
That will doom him with the Republican base.
Dominos or Papa Johns? Regular poop or diarrhea poop?
Bottom line on the religion litmus test, if any of these assholes gets in definitely ain't gonna be no Administration patronage jobz goin' to any muslins. Nosiree.
Wait, so is it the economy, stupid, or are there too many ragheads? I'm slightly confused.
Tim Pawlenty: It's time to institute Sharia Law! I grew up in a blue collar town, my parents were Sharia Republicans. My Uncle was an Imam. I learned bombmaking in a camp in Yemen.
John King: Alright…ok…Alright…alright…
I'm not familiar with New Hampshire: do residents there root for Boston teams? If so, I won't give an exact score but let's just say the ratings for this debate are not going to come anywhere near the ratings for the Stanley Cup game…and I won't be surprised to see some empty seats in the audience...
Oh, so you are an advocate of rapiering little children!
Fire your writers. They're stealing you blind.
Why is my keyboard smoking?
Camels or Kools?
Camels: non-filters.
It just had sex; or– anybody or anything watching this crap got royally fucked.
Because it can't drink?
Mittens is lying; he definitely prefers mild.
"Gov. Romney: 17 wives or one night with your sister?"
the GAYS! We love 'em. The 10th Amendment. And the kidz, do it for the kidz.
Michele: "The best way to raise children is with a mother and father."
Michele's wife Marcus is not gonna like that.
Did Bachmann just say that she and hubby fostered 23 kids?
MB (& her 6 dwarfs): "both"
Michele, your baby-raising farm was based on getting $$$ from the government, as documented right here on Wonkette.
Why do you love socialisms?
~
Wow, Michele Bachmann is the only person to interpret gay marriage within the context of states' rights successfully. That goddamn caterpillar fed me the wrong side of the mushroom.
By the time this post hit, she pretty much retracted that. We all knew the logically consistency couldn't last.
Paul: rights belong to individuals
Thus ducking the issue that rights are denied to individuals who belong to particular *groups*
Yes–ask Newt about marriage..
Newt, how does the presence of gay people endanger soldiers' lives?
Santorum knows a lot about social experimentation, but it was just a few times in college.
Santorum, you monster, the people taking bullets over abortion are the pro-choice, and you "pro-life" evil cretins are the ones firing them.
Santorum on being pro-life – "I've not only taken the pledge, I've taken the bullets." What – the – fuck. It's not the pro-life side that's taken any bullets, motherfucker.
His mic cut out. He was trying to say that's he's taken the bullets…loaded, and fired them.
Santorum: In regards to gays in the military I say- Punishment, Semen, Masks, Cameras.
Bachmann: and if you are raped and impregnated as a result, tough luck, toots…
Bachmann has five kids? Did they inherit equal portions of crazy?
Michele: "I believe in the sanctity of life from conception to natural death"… five minutes after the birth.
John King: lets take a phone call from Sarah in Alaska…
Hello, me me me me me me me me me me me
Pawlenty/Melatonin 2012
"Wake Me When It's Over!"
Next question: do you support the Bible or that witchcraft-laden science stuff?
Baby farmer Michelle Bachmann wins the Right to Life cred since she's the only one who has pooped out babies.
Clearly, what we need is a devoutly pro-life, anti-gay president with 59 children and 733 foster-children who is stridently anti-regulation, anti-tax and anti-Sharia and would gladly have butt-secks with Reagan's corpse.
You can't be an immigrant! You look white!
Bachmann should just become a Mormon.
Now that the hating on Muslims, gays and women is done, it's time for the hating of Latinos.
What's a Lah-tee-no? That anything like a Messican?
Santorum: The immigration of your rectal contents.
Ron Paul says that Texas has bankrupted its hospitals? The Texas free-market miracle is some sort of lie?
King: do you support the 14th Amendment?
Paul: NO EMTALA.
Cain: Pizza, pizza, pizza.
Ron Paul: "Freedom solves everything!"
That's it, I'm done.
…"Thank you for your question, Old Lady Eraserhead".
Where did they find her? Oh yeah Minnesota. I'm so proud.
Did I miss something, or have we gone 90 minutes with *nothing* (except for Paul's gratuitious, but at least not ignoring the issue, remarks) on Afghanistan, Iraq, or even Libya?
Brown people aren't Americans, silly.
Pawman brags about his activist judges.
Please, let me hear Newt Gingrich attack "political elites."
T-Paw: "That right exists because of judges notwitstanding the language of the Constitution". What part of "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside" don't you understand? The language is pretty fucking plain.
Conservatives don't need to read the Constitution. We know what it says in our hearts.
Pawlenty says that birthright citizenship is due to activist judges misinterpreting the Constitution. Oops — it's actually the 14th Amendment, jackass, but whatever.
GOp Presidential candidates have the right to misinterpret the Constitution.
don't appluad the Newt you idiots. You will only encourage him.
"Hermann Cain wants to test new job applicants about the Constitution, which means no one will ever have a job in America, ever again."
Smaller, less intrusive government!
Which answers count, constitutional ones, or the bagger fantasy woulda, coulda, shoulda been the constitution answers?
7-pages??? WTF?!?!
Yes, God did instruct Bachmann to run. She's one of his favorites because she's never eaten the fruit from the "tree of knowledge"
That was a burn of Biblical proportions.
You can always top the rest of us; and welcome to the crazy-a-thon.
Thanks my buds, Fare and Soros.
Yet MB sits on the House Ceelect Ctte on Intelligunce. Is this an oxymoran or what?
And what do you think about eminent domain zzzz….
There is TWO hours of this shit? Kirsten, welcome to the hellhole.
Eminent domain? What will the next hard – hitting question be, "Do you love America?"
Clean Coal? that demands a drink.
Done!
A Drink to every Oxymoron, such as "Clean Coal" and "Republican Intellectual"
Oh, and "Professor Gingrich".
They keep calling the bastard "Speaker" Gingrich. I suppose he's technically entitled to use it, but I think it is about as disingenuous as "Governor" Palin.
People who've been drummed out and/or have quit their position halfway through should not be referred to with an Honorific. The only appropriate usage would be:”Former Half-Term Governor Sarah Palin” (thnx to Steve Benin)”Disgraced Former Speaker Newt Gingrich” (Steve Benin also – I think)Much more accurate.
Clean Cola seems appropriate, but I think I'll stink with my Moose Drool brown ale.
Clean Cola seems most appropriate, but I think I'll stick with the Moose Drool brown ale, nonetheless.
Newt supports shock collars for Mexicans.
Does Santorum's face look crooked to anyone else? It's like his head is on a slant.
I agree, His nose is crooked like someone broke it which would not be surprising considering what a massive, massive douchebag he is.
After the break:
Afghanistan, Ethanol, and Mental Health Care.
The first one greatly increased the need for the last two. No snark.
I can hardly wait to see how our corporate press whitewashes this fiasco² in tomorrow's news.
² Fiasco? Debacle? Epic FAIL?
~
I accidently tuned in to CNN on my satellite radio and heard David Gergen say "Now that the republicans know that Obama is vulnerable, they are all wanting to get into the race". So, to answer your question, they corporate media will make this out to be an exciting debate of epic proportions!
I was just adding another footnote!
³ In English the word fiasco means an absolute, abject or utterly humiliating failure. See? First choice, go with, etc.
But yes, I do anticipate that our corporate lackeys and alleged journalists will be spinning the hell out of this unholy shitstorm starting in about 10 minutes.
~
Haha Mittens said we need to give Afghanistan to the Taliban military.
♪♫ Hey Mr. Taliban, here's a shot of my banana ♫♪
Hand Afghanistan over to the Taliban? Sarah is LHFAO over that slip by Mittens…
The Ecstatic Poetry of Mirabai, as borrowed by this assemblage of simpletons:
T-Paw: "How long did I stand in the house of this body / And stare at the road?"
Moral Mitt: "Approve me …. OR disapprove me… I praise the Mountain Energy night and day."
Ron Paul: "I don't like your strange, strange world…/ There are no holy men in it, and the people are trash."
Sanitorium: "I don't steal money, I don't hit anyone. What will you charge me with?"
Bachmann: "These [my many many children] are my carnelians… my scarves and my rings!"
Newt: "When you offer the Great One your love / At the first step one’s body is crushed."
Cain: "I have felt the swaying of the elephant's shoulders, and now you want me to climb on a jackass? Try to be serious. [I'm riding one right now!]"
Pandering levels are reaching critical mass, Capt'n. We cannae hold back the vomit!
I had to step out for a moment. Was there fulsome praise for Obama for killing OBL?
I dunno–he used big government, not private enterprise, so I'm guessing no.
T-Paw: the TROOPS, and 9/11, and Yemen.
Karnac the Magnificent (opening the envelope, blowing into it, and pulling out the paper inside): What are three things the Republicans get publically orgasmic at the mention of, but shit on the moment no one is looking?
Ed McMahon: BWA HA HA HA HA HA!
Shhh.. I'm trying to hear Pawlenty explain to everyone what happened on 9/11.
She thought they said Enema Man.
Or I did, at least.
Bachmann knows Obama was wrong on Libya, but not why except that she hates France.
"We are the head, we are not the tail"
Oh Michele, I never knew you were such a top…
Michelle Bachmann leads from behind- I know from experience.
Her husband does her from behind so he can pretend she's a dude.
Bachmann is not the tail.
Bachmann: "What national interest could we have to empower Al Qaeda?"
I don't know, Michele. Why don't you ask Ronald Reagan?
Newt thinks price tags matter for wars, but not for shiny trinkets from Tiffany's.
Bachmann's a shithead–she leads from both ends.
Alimentary, Watson, alimentary.
How many times can Caine say "situation" in one sentence?
Newt: Ike, Lincoln, Washington and 9/11.
Cain: Grandma says. "Iss a mess!"
Wrong questioner, the Korean War technically is not over.
and was never a war in the first place.
So it hasn't even started yet!
Newt sure knows a lot of facts. Every other sentence starts with "The fact is *state bullshit here*…"
Goddamn, King is an annoying milquetoast.
I'll bet Santorum is really good at 'Where in the Hell is Carmen Sandiego?'.
Santorum: Where is our feck?
I liked that. "FECKLESSNESSSS!!1!"
The oily, foul balloon-animal Newt Gingrich has forever ruined the word "fundamentally" for me. It's his crutch word that he thinks makes him sound principled and smart.
The fact is he is fundamentally a douchenozzle.
Santorum: Failure of Leadership, get used to it. Asymmetrical Threats. He turned his back on the Poles!
sponsored by AT&T and Cadillac.
Thanks, Wonkette-lovers. You've saved me from the debate.
I'm 62 (though, as male, I'm emotionally only 15), and I don't have enough days left to me to watch even one minute of these pandering incompetents spew their fatuous drivel. Thanks to my wonderful virtual colleagues here, I've enjoyed every minute of the debate I haven't watched.
And my two Bloody Marys were smooooooooooooth.
Romney should have got the Coke or Pepsi question. King could still give hime boxers or briefs though! #uncomfortablewithmormons
Grammar Bitch sez: "More eloquent than I" is technically correct. One would say, "Obama is more eloquent than I (am)", so there is subject-verb agreement there.
Yeah, I noticed that too. But let's go easy on Kirsten: She's green, not a native English speaker, and it's not like she ever had any journalism experience. Oh, wait.
I know… and I do love her (Kirsten) so far. But my mom is an English teacher and she would never, never, never let me get away with that. So, what I'm saying is, I just couldn't stop myself.
Thank you, I thought the same, for the same reason, but immediately questioned myself.
I hope everything in this comment is correct. Now I am worried. I think I will have a drink.
Being a Grammar Bitch is hard… because no one is perfect all the time, every time, and you do have to worry that you are making an error in your error-correcting.
Drinking is the only logical answer.
Almost over? Good; I'm itching to watch last night's "Game of Thrones" again (and glad they finally got to that part, because it's been hard to bite my tongue around naive non-book-readers to avoid spoiling that bit).
I'm a naive non-book-reader and am following the series. Have to say I didn't find it all too shocking because the series has made clear what a little cunt Joffrey "Baratheon" is.
If anyone based the status of the country on what these dimwits are saying tonight the solution to our problems would be to nuke the states and let the roaches have a turn. Gah!
Mrs. Bachmann, sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
WIN. That about sums it up.
Last go-round comin' up. Would they appoint Larry Flint to run a new Government oversight agency to regulate Congressional sexting.
They might not watch polls, but Santorum sure smokes 'em.
You forgot Poll-land!
Oh, wait, I guess you didn't.
Ha I like the lady who asked "why does no one like any of you?"
Impossible to answer that question in only 30 sec.
"Herman Cain, the polls say all you candidates suck. Is that true?"
"Yes. On the other hand…"
I swear, I thought that was a video game.
Guess I should start reading more and stop shooting 14-year-olds on the ps3.
Nah, little fuckers deserve it. What were we talking about?
Herman Cain knows the word "ba-ro-me-ter"
This qualifies him to be the intellectual powerhouse of the GOP.
President Bachmann?
I'm having nightmares tonight.
ZOMG, Bot, they would all eat her menopausal endometrial slough.
Palin/Bolton '12
Killer question — would Sarah Palin be a better president than Joe Biden? Everyone has to say Sarah's smarter than Joe, and thus implicitly say something nice about John McCain. It's a suicide mission.
It's the "Does this dress make me look fat?" question. There is no right answer. You can't win.
I loved how John King popped that on them. They were all totally caught off guard.
Ron Paul brings up the Federal Reserve yet again. Man he's obsessed with that.
Shirley, you didn't just notice that.
It's been four years, my memory is rusty.
And don't call me Shirley (I know you wanted that).
We love you, audience! We really, really love you!
Fecklessnesslessness!!!!!!
Feck This lessness.
And that's it! No post-debate analysis on the live stream and that suits me fine.
"New Hampshire loves the future!"
The tepid applause at that word salad was all the punchline I need.
I was walking out the room to get something to eat, and thought I heard that but wasnt' sure. I am so happy I heard correctly. That is totally something you'd expect to hear at a modern-day GOP rally/debate.
Herman Cain — "It's not about us — it's about the children and the grandchildren. We're not that far apart."
Especially Sarah Palin's children and grandchildren, right Herman?
Interchangeable human shields that they are..
And yet they are all fine with snatching Medicare away from their children and grandchildren…
Longer Herman Cain: I believe that the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride…
I think I had that in the office pool…
Oh no, just kidding, I work with people who are going to be voting for these assholes, so there is no office pool.
There is a faulty premise in coupling "Michele Bachmann" and "learned".
She leaned even more things that just aren't so. Talk about a 2 hour cram session.
Two hour cram session? I suspect that pretty much describes Lou Sarah's six-year college career.
And now for the 22 member CNN panel
And I will say our newly non-anonymous new overlord gave a funny liveblog, even though the updates came in sdrawkcab.
F yeah, Bot, Kirsten did great. 550 comments +?
sdrawkcab.
Say goodnight Gracie
Gracie's airhead character (not to be confused with the actual Gracie) could out-debate this bloviating barnyard of braindeath.
"bloviating barnyard of braindeath"
Oh that is good. It should always be used in place "the Republican slate of candidates."
Gracie would not have believed that the dumb she played would be played on us.
I liked Gracie.
Can you play a pie Anna?
"Say good night, Dicks!"
"Goodnight, Dicks!"
I love good fantasy; sadly most of it sucks, and Song of Ice and Fire is a nice exception to that rule.
In honor of our last great President I have been clearing brush all evening, did I miss anything?
Well, you did miss the Great Collective I.Q. Point Crash of the viewing audience.
Other than that, one helluva lot of drinking.
Put gubmint on a pacemaker – like the one on Cheney's heart.
That'll do, KBJ. That'll do.
Oh, shoot–I missed it. Which one loves the second amendment most?
All of them, Doctor.
I liked Soul Pizza. If I had my druthers, Soul Pizza would never leave us.
Did they ask any "let me see a show of hands who hates science / loves Jeebus" questions? I like seeing the candidates raising their hands. Like morons.
Except, EVEN THEN. You don't stop paying the rest of your bills because your credit card interest is too high.
And to think I missed Swamp People for this poop.
Nice job blogging, Kirsten
And–last reaction from me on this debate:
Everyone Is Now Dumber – Billy Madison http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7w64fbqYQY
Wow, what a bummer. The debate just came on here (AZ) and y'all went home. My fault — I keep forgetting that time zone thing. I only worry about this country being divided into red states and blue states. I forget all about the fact that I'm still sleeping when most of you are at work. Maybe I would have thought about this earlier, but my significant others had the TV commandeered for hockey. So bye, I guess I'll go watch their ugly mugs instead of staring at my computer screen.
well, shit. i missed the whole thing but i'm sure the debaters embiggened us all. i'm sure it wasn't at all like playing musical chairs and not removing a chair each round so everyone can win.
i like how mittens and newt are smiling with condescension at ronpaul while he grampa-rambles about the gold standard ruining america 70 years ago.
I'm stealing "grandpa rambles."
Araceptualize?
While Ron Paul's schtick is not playing anywhere near as well as it used to – can't decide if it's because people have gotten tired, or if he's managed to do the impossible and get more strange in his delivery – I wanted to punch Mittens in his smug face the way he was looking at Ron. Boy, if he is the nominee, I hope Obama doesn't hold back on anything.
mittens went for at least two "jokes" and failed miserably. if he can't land an obamacare joke with a gop primary audience, he's ten kinds of fucked. all of these fuckers are junior varsity benchwarmers.
ronpaul was more strange. i kind of wondered if he was going to go full paultard and/or stroke out at the podium. he was THIS CLOSE to getting like really really agitated during some of his responses. i was waiting for his dentures to jettison out of his gaping maw in the middle of some rant about the fed.
Yeah, I was wondering if it was just me, or if he really did seem on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
BTW, every single one of them seemed to be scared to directly (or even indirectly) attack Mitt Romney. This was somebody's night to do it, and they all chickened out.
Because deep in their wizened little souls, they know they won't get the nomination and can only hope for the VP slot and a tragic presidential death.
Now everyone get the hell out of my state.
Needs moar Jesus shout-outs.
"santorum wants more trickle down"
I thought Newtie converted to Catholicism, not LDSism.
Fuck all that shit. I want to hear about Santorpaulcainpawbachpalingrichobomneycare.
Apparently none of that increased funding went to Nomanparts skool.
According to CNN panel of professional nitwits Mittens' Magic Undies won the 'debate' by a mile—lucky he got put in the center in the first place, eh? –but the Girl With The Pearl Necklace scored 2nd place…so…. Romney/Bachmann for '12?
Since you only have 2p I'm upfisting you, but only if you PROMISE that bumper sticker of your is a joke.
It's obvious that none of that increased education funding went to Nomanparts' skooool.
Days before Callista develops cancer: 9, 8, 7, 6, 5,…
Whaaarrrgarrrbbll. For two hours.
One of the topics they greatly underemphasized: Weinergate.
What is Bachman's position on twat shots?
Sarah thinks the debate was outstanding but would have answered some questions a lot better.
Of course she does.
I loved the whole "We'll be fair to Muslims, but maybe then again we won't" duplicity. There are but a few other groups where you can so blatantly get away with displays of bigotry. I stood with my mouth hanging open a bit how Gingrich got applause for his disgusting, full-throated response.
This thing was so incredibly boring it wasn't even funny. It was like being taken back in time where they are still spouting the exact same bullshit. It's like they haven't learned anything from the Bush years, except that war is bad when a Democrat does it.
BTW, was it distracting to anyone else that John King keeps trying to cut back in, but does it for like 30 seconds straight, and it sounds like the tape is skipping, but it's really his squeaky-assed voice starting and stopping once every-other-second? Ugh!
That's exactly what I took from that.
She's there in spirit.
America's there, drowned in spirits.
WINtastic!
Glad I wasn't the only one who caught that. He sounded as if he was affecting a radio voice…which of course comes off as very odd…when you're on the fucking television, you douchebag.
The reality of the Michele Bachmann and her husband is that they own a "clinic" where they "cure gay people". This is not a joke, that is true. Sorry for no funny.
why is my wonkette feed backward?
or is it the alcohol?
I just read some SarahPalinUSA tweets and her followers declared her the "winner" of the debate tonight. (seriously)
She's also won the Pillsbury Bake Off, the Gold Medal for Olympic solo synchronized swimming, the Mr Universe Pageant, Iron Chef America and three other competitions that she didn't enter, nor qualify for.
Have your way with me, downfister. I am the last poster of the evening. I will awaken in the morning, jump start my colon with coffee and then make you my bitch for the rest of the day.
Peggy Lee: "Is that all there is…"
9:38 – BREAKING: TIM PAWLENTY LOVES COKE.
Tim Pawlenty loves Koch (&cock) ………there fixed.
I would have had some zingers if my drinking game combined with YawnPlenty's speaking didn't make me pass out after 10 mins. Good thing that you gals and guys summed it all up for me.
Time for some morning-after Jägermeister jello shots. Cheers, all !
Why waste prime time viewing hours watching right-wing dipshits puff their own resumes and badmouth Barry? Fox does this 24/7.
If experimental linguist Tim Pawlenty (let his stupid name be soon forgotten, forever) was more of a cunning linguist his wife might let him play more than hockey.
Our cup runneth over with Crazy.
None of these morons is qualified to be president of anything, and none of them are qualified to hold any political office, at any level, and this King guy was one of the worst hosts for a political debate in the last 200 years. What a complete farce, for everyone involved, on all levels. And all seven of the Republican morons came across as just that–morons.
Willard Romney will do what the military tells him to do.
Willard Romney is not Commander-in-Chief material.
How many veterans were on that debate stage?
"Mitt Romney said he'd blow the debt ceiling"
I'll bet Romney watches Glee every week….
"There have been no new jobs in the last 3 years."
The latest Republican Talking Point. Of course, 100% lies.
But it is a "tell" to the GOP plan: Destroy the economy. Blame it on Obama. Get elected. Give tax cuts to rich people. Pretend the bad economy and debt is Obama's fault.
Rinse. Lather. Repeat….
I was disappointed that nobody said we needed niggardly fiscal policies to balance the budget or something obviously coded like that…
Very few people realize this, but the Ronster put himself through medical school working as the model for the Lucky Charms leprechaun. Magically delicious!
IT'S SCIENCE!
They can do almost anything. There's an app coming that makes Pawlenty funny.
…human developmental biology, and probably several other big words…
FTW Thanks
Um, dumbass, we didn't go looking for you. You showed up here. We are not going to give the tiniest shit when you leave.
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