mittens haz a sad

Mitt Romney Drives Around Detroit In Campaign Video, Says It’s Awful

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nom nom nomExecution worshipper Mitt Romney has a strange new campaign video that features Mittens driving around very depressing neighborhoods in Detroit, lost maybe? No, it is Mitt Romney’s Tour of Ruined America, which is not Obama’s fault, says Mitt (ALWAYS BLAME OBAMA, MITT), but Obama isn’t fixing it, either. Blah blah, this explanation is taking too long. What will Mitt do to fix it? He will get to that later, he is busy feeling sorry for Michigan right now. This Obama character has done nothing to help Detroit, because the auto bailout does not count for adding 50,000 jobs, for being socialist. “He made things worse,” Mittens says to some invisible person in the back seat of the car, and for a moment you forget whether he is talking about Obama or just talking in third person about his own campaign, by making this weird, sad video about how sad Detroit is. Watch it after the jump:

It’s hard to tell what the message of this campaign video is. “Mitt Romney understands that Detroit sucks,” which is a fundamental thing for any presidential candidate to understand. “Mitt Romney hires camera crews to shoot video of boarded up homes and empty lots,” which is another thing we can think about from now on when we remember Mittens, in our dreams at night. [YouTube]

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  • nounverb911

    So now he's complaining? Instead of bitching about the industry his father helped build, he should have done something when he had a chance.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Oh but he did do something when he had a chance… he wrote an editorial that can best be summed up: Fuck You, Detroit, I've Got Your Rescue Package Right Here (grabbing crotch).

      • Beowoof

        Which he wrote after sending their jobs to China through his equity firm.

        • Negropolis

          Which he wrote after he won the primary here by admonishing John McCain leveling with workers telling them that some jobs would be lost, forever.

    • RadioJr.

      You meant, of course, bitchin Camaro.

      • horsedreamer_1

        The "undercover Mexican" Mitt does have a job at West Coast Customs lined-up, should his campaign fail, yes.

  • hagajim

    Seems like a video Michael Moore might have done in criticizing GM. However, since Mittens has already bitched about the bailout I imagine Detroit is telling him to just GTFO now!

    • Sue4466

      And since Mittens made buckets of money taking over companies, laying off workers, then handing the "new leaner" companies over so they could go bankrupt, he's hardly in a position to judge GM. Though, being a Republican he won't let that stand in his way.

    • GOPCrusher

      Roger and Me came out in 1989 and asshats like Mittens attacked Michael Moore for promoting class warfare in this country.

  • nounverb911

    Is Romney at least driving an American made car?

    • easybaked

      Yes, but he has an Irish Setter strapped to the roof.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      I call total BS – the last time Mittens actually drove himself anywhere was probably 1991.

    • GOPCrusher

      And drinking a Canadian beer.

  • GuyClinch

    Worst. Rap. Video. Ever.

    • horsedreamer_1

      What do you expect? His middle name's Clarence!

  • SexySmurf

    Hey, wait a minute? Where's his dog?!!!

    • Trollina Dumbass

      It's okay, he tied it to the bumper…OHMYGHOD!!!!!

      • LabRodent

        You know, if i wasn't in uniform, Id split your skull with the butt of this revolver, faster than you could say "police brutality".
        (what movie folks?)

        • Trollina Dumbass

          No so coincidentally Buzz Feedback also references it below. Upfists for everyone!

  • nounverb911

    He's glad to be home? I thought he was from Romneychussetts.

    • JustPixelz

      He'll be going back for some of that sweet, sweet socialist health care.

    • Terry

      Mitt flip flops on his residence, too.

  • bumfug

    Great close to this ad: Romney looks to the future in the rear view mirror.

  • comrad_darkness

    Hey, Romney, I lived in fucking Detroit. It really went in the crapper during the Reagan administration, bitch.

    • Respitetini

      Also see: A, US of.

    • hooray4anything

      Don't you dare say anything about Ronald Reagan! We'd all be Commie Pinko's right now if it weren't for Ronald Reagan! Go to your room right now and say Ten Hail Ronnies!

      • tessiee

        Also, we'd all be under the thumb of those fat cat unions if St. Raygun hadn't bravely stood up to them.

  • Sassomatic

    If Obama is going to ignore unemployment he should at least have the decency to focus on the most pressing issues of our day, such as changing the definition of rape to keep those sluts from getting abortions and cutting funding to NPR.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "If I was president, I'd make sure this place was boasting 75 percent unemployment. That is my promise to America. I endorse this message because its time we had leadership that understands that letting the Big 3 go under for good was the right thing to do at the right time."

  • LabRodent

    Wanna bet thats the first time hes been in that area where THOSE people live.

    • elviouslyqueer

      You noticed that too? Romney: "Hey guys, make sure you get a good shot of that black person walking across the street."

    • chicken_thief

      The Donald advised him to include footage showing that he was comfortable with The Blacks.

  • memzilla

    Let's be clear: the Rethuglicans are blocking job-creation efforts in order to saddle Obama with a bad economy which will, they hope, make people vote Rethuglican in 2012. The Rethuglicans' lust for power, over the welfare of the country, is a meme the Democrats should use, along with the R's Class Warfare and the War on Wimminz.

    • SarcasticNymph

      Democrats wouldn't even do this when they had majorities in Congress, then screwed up 2010 elections and lost the House. Why do you think Obama & the Dems will pick up this meme now – this same meme most of the rest of the country supports, but Dems aren't listening? Obama is busy courting low-information dumbass "independents" and blowing Wall Street CEOs and gutting his own half-assed economic program right now for campaign $$$$. What we need is a fucking revolution of the people, but I'm not holding my breath. (For some reason I'm reminded of the Che Guevera cagener.)

  • ifthethunderdontgetya

    Kick Out the Jams, emm-effers!

    -Motor City Five

  • Mumbletypeg

    I can't watch the video, but: see highlighted in screen shot background:

    "Innovation is Rewarded.
    Execution [?] is Worshipped"

    … and the other sign to his left: "WIZDOM U[niversity]." Because, magic underpants are for wizards-in-training. Anyway it was high time Mitts started talking spelling *street* to compete with the likes of T-Paw.

    (I still don't get the Execution Is Worshipped thing. I can't even speculate how to fill in the blanks for that to have context or sense.)

    • HistoriCat

      It's a subtle message to help him appeal to voters in Texas.

    • mrbubb

      Execution like "our guys didn't execute our infallible plan…" See Iraq, War in.

  • baconzgood


    • PuckStopsHere


  • freakishlywrong

    I'm pretty sure Detroit returns the sentiment, fluffinhead.

    And how, oh how, do we get any of these assholes to admit that yes, the stim was too small and loaded with tax cuts; but the parts that actually created jobs had Con fuckwits running around taking credit for them and handing out huge, cartoon sized checks. Why can't anyone ever point that out when one of these gasbags calls the Recovery Act a failure?

  • FakaktaSouth

    He's just pissed cause they ignored his idea to let the car industry completely fail so he could go in with Bain Capital and fire everyone, strap their dogs to the roof of his car and bust outta town ringing bells and shooting guns like Paul Revere. Fuckers.

    • AJWjr.

      Paul Revere and the Corporate Raiders? Worst tribute band ever!

  • OkieDokieDog

    Oh who cares about all this boring stuff. Doesn't he look fantastic?

    • Beowoof

      Facts we don't need no stinkin facts

      • OkieDokieDog

        Really. Facts schmacts, I'm voting for the guy who I'd want for a baby daddy, or sugar daddy, or something, anyway whatever it was that Rush Limbaugh said about the whos and whys of how silly wimens vote all emotional and stuffs.

        • tessiee

          When my sister was in high school, she had a class assignment to create a campaign poster. She drew a generic sort of good-looking guy and wrote underneath:
          "VOTE JAY JONES
          The Handsome Crook".

    • DashboardBuddha

      That's pretty much the overall campaign strategy. Be ready to hear how "presidential" Mittens looks.

  • samsuncle

    Gee Mittens isn't Detroit depressing enough without your presence there?

  • LabRodent

    Windows up CHECK. Doors locked CHECK. Ok lets Ride.

    • nounverb911

      Glock on the seat? Check.

      • Beowoof

        Xi vehicles in postion.

    • edywin2

      Fear not. In the shot where you see Mitty, he is in Royal Oak (Home of the late Dr. Kevorkian)on about 12 mile road, but when you see the burnt out houses, that is Detroit, down past 8mile. Funny how you can do that in a video.

  • ginrevolution

    Poor, stupid Detroit. Ever since Eminem exploited the rotting city in a commercial, it has become a convention in bad self-promotion.

  • CapeClod

    In his next video he'll tell us how the former industrial towns in Ohio "Look like plugged toilets."

  • Ducksworthy

    Fudge packing Mormon looking for the Fudge Factory.

    • nounverb911

      That would be on Mackinaw Island.

  • Goonemeritus

    This reminds me of the Super bowl Chrysler add with Eminem only it has lower production values more lying and a less Presidential star.

    • aguacatero

      Also too, Mitt has had more than one shot.

    • Terry

      The Chrysler ads are about giving Deeeeetroit a bit of pride (also sellling cars). Mitt's ad is about kicking Deeetroit in the nuts when the city is down.

  • JustPixelz

    "He made things worse"

    Pretty sure Mittanual J. RomneyCare is talking about my neighbor, who bought a Honda last week. Damn those Americans for ruining Detroit!

  • aguacatero

    I don't think Mittster is getting the votes of the cops he's trying to glad-hand about 5 seconds into the video.

    They are giving him some serious stony face — almost as if, a few seconds earlier, Cop A had whispered to Cop B, "Major League asshole," and Cop B had whispered back, "Big time!"

    • SarcasticNymph

      The cops know Repubs like Mittster will dissolve their union once they are elected.

  • ThundercatHo

    Fuck you, Mitt. Go back to Taxachussetts and steam some goddamn clams you cracker bitch.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Mmmmm. Steamed clams.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      No thanks, we commie socialist leninist marxist maoist* sent him away and do not want him back.

      * what I'm trying to say, is that we're a little bit left of center here in MA.

      • ThundercatHo

        Maybe Texas would like him. He and Rick Perry could have a "hair-off".

  • Arken

    So this is the new strategy. Forget our 'we'll bring the jobs' stuff, America. The new GOP position is jobs don't help the country!

  • Buzz Feedback

    Clark Fukkin Griswold.

  • Chillwaver

    One thing is for sure: we are more likely to see Detroit recover than pretty Mittens driving around with the "Mexican AC" on.

  • nounverb911

    So Romney rode around in an Italian car?

    • AJWjr.

      Fiat, apparently. My own Mighty Dodge was built during the time Daimler Benz owned it, but it was built in sunny Saltillo Messico.

      • OneDollarJuana

        My Corolla was built in Fremont, California.

        • genxr

          Fremont is a socialist country!

      • Terry

        My cheap and dependable Chevy was built in Lordstown, Ohio…..literally the only good thing ever to come out of that State.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "And here is where we'll build the debtor's prison, which is conveniently located next to the elementary re-education camp, where we teach ten year olds how operate the heavy machinery, and just down the street from the senior center/sanitary land fill. Cradle to grave, we figure that we'll get about 2800 hours of work a year for 45 years out of those little unaborted underclassmen. "

    • tessiee

      And after that, it's off to the Soylent Green factory.

  • ChurchofRealism

    Get the hell out of my town, dickhead, before you wreck it….more.

  • tymberwolf817

    Please tell me that car was a lo-rider.

  • x111e7thst

    Now if Mittens was delivering his sad commentary while strapped to the roof of a car being driven slowly around ruined Detroit I might be tempted to vote for him.

    • riverside68

      Make it a February rain/ice storm and I would watch the video.

      That is as far as I am prepared to go at this time.

      But if mittens does it I guarantee great coverage, he would definitely go viral.

  • V572 [SSAN]

    Mitt Romney: a Rambler among the Plymouths and Packards of the Republican candidate/motor pool.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      He's vaguely Suave European and vaguely Stupid American-I'm thinking a Yugo-Vega Hybrid.

    • tessiee

      There is nothing and no one in the entire Republican party that is remotely as cool as a Packard.

  • OneDollarJuana

    So he's a Log Cabin Republican?

  • Ducksworthy

    But at least he/she's white is the bottom line for all of the GOP contenders. May be batshit crazy,boring,stupid,vicious etc. but at least he/she's white.

    • HistoriCat

      But then how do we explain Herman Cain?

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        There's still some brand value in being batshit crazy, boring, stupid, vicious, etc.

  • Pragmatist2

    I recall well when Detroit started to decline. The mid-60s. Mitt's dad was Governor of Michigan at the time. So it is fair to say "Romney was in charge when Detroit collapsed."

  • Trollina Dumbass

    So Obama hasn't done anything to improve the economy, but shipping factory jobs to Mexico and overseas will make it better how? Billionaires will be able to freely walk the formerly dark-hued streets of the city and toss fast food coupons to alley urchins?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mittens should stick around for Halloween.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Wearing a "Dumpster-full-of-newspapers" costume.

  • easybaked

    Drivin' Dirty. Weird Al style.

  • metamarcisf

    Mitt swears that's tonight's performance will be sure to separate him from the pack. If by "pack" he means herds of rabid kangaroos hopping their way across the outback of Australia.

  • mumbly_joe

    So, wow, I thought it was bad when people was blaming Obama for the Bush collapse and recession, but apparently now he's also responsible for Detroit going to shit several decades ago under Reagan.

    Unless… maybe the reason he keeps faking his birf certificate is that he's a shape-shifting, time-travelling sharia-bot?

    • PsycWench

      Wait 'til he's blamed for the Black Sox scandal of 1919.

  • Terry

    Mitt's voters are in rural Michigan. Deeetroit City has liberals, minorities, and immigrants, not his voting block. Talking trash about the city plays right to the militia types in the rural areas who stockpile weapons in case Deetroit somehow makes a play for the rest of the state.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Don't remind me of my Michigander relations. Too upsetting.

      • Terry

        My Michigan relatives are the Deeetroit City area liberals that yours may be concerned about.

      • tessiee


        I thought the term was "Michugenah".

  • genxr

    Mittens is right. Letting people keep their jobs and continuing to build American cars just made things worse.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Does Mittens own a shirt other than the vintage 1974 Graph Paper Girranimal shirt? I've seen this one about a dozen times lately.

    He should wear a "My hand is a Dolphin" t-shirt. That would say something other than "I am a boring old white guy."

    • weejee

      If Mittens had one-half of a hair on his magic Depends covered ass he would be wearing a Wonkette Don't Teabag on Me tee.

    • DahBoner

      "He should wear a "My hand is a Dolphin" t-shirt."

      Or even a Three Wolves, One Moon t-shirt…

  • ClydeMydia

    Needs moar AquaFresh!

  • carlgt1

    can these Repugs honestly drive around Detroit telling people that trickle-down economics & tax cuts & sending as many US jobs as possible to India & China; is what will work for an American recovery?

    • DahBoner



      If the facts were on the GOP's side, then they wouldn't have to lie….

      • tessiee

        Does it count as dishonest if *they* believe it?

  • LiveToServeYa


  • ChessieNefercat

    Oh fuck off and get out of my state, Mittens. You don't get Michigan just because you're named for its shape (lower peninsula).

  • johnnymeatworth

    So when is his song-by-song cover of Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On?" album coming out?

  • ttommyunger

    Mitt the Maverick. Note the hands at 4pm and 8pm, instead of the preferred 10am and 2 pm. Will the wackiness never end with this guy? BTW, you can bet your sweet ass the radio was set to the local fucktard AM Station.

  • donner_froh

    Everything that Bain Capital touched turned to shit. There is nothing that Romney and his cohorts can't make worse.

    • tessiee

      "There is nothing that Romney and his cohorts can't make worse. "

      Wow, no fear of tempting fate, have you?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I wonder how Mittens explains dog poop on top of the car to the car rental people.

  • Beetagger

    Looks like he drove past the same dilapidated house 3 times by my count. Also, the white Mitt fans he hired on Craigslist really didn't look too excited. There's only so much enthusiasm one can muster for the promise of a free lunch.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Mitt, let me explain why companies like GM are going downhill, and why Detroit is riddled with land mines and empty, hole-filled hearts:

    Their cars suck.

    You're welcome.

    • DashboardBuddha

      "Their cars suck. "

      No shit, eh? I pulled up to this blocky, squat piece of shit at a traffic light yesterday and was amazed at how ugly it was. It was a Dodge Nitro.

  • prommie

    "Detroit" is GOP-Speak for "niggers." The message just couldn't be more blatant, could it? "Look what the niggers did to Detroit, with their rioting and welfare Cadillacs and drugs and raping and the rap music. And if you re-elect the nigger in the white house, he is going to turn all of America into Detroit, and there'll be rioting and welfare Cadillacs and loud rap music everywehere, and Obama will personally rape your wife and daughters."

  • Buckminster

    How come they showed the shot of the burned out house twice, as if every block in Detroit has one burned house? Very weird.

  • whiskeybaby

    That is the most astute and depressing analysis of politics ever.

    • Beowoof

      The sad part is too many Americans will be there is a fairy wand.

  • Soylent Green

    Oh – Then he just did another one of those new Chrystler commercials – they always bum me out.

  • Gopherit

    From now on, whenever I see Mitt, I am only going to think of this song:

  • Beowoof

    Well other republicans seem to tell them we will send your jobs to China and take away your medicare and it works for them. More corn syrup for all.

    • DashboardBuddha

      And the American votes says, "Please sir, may I have another?"

      • horsedreamer_1

        No, it's 'please, sir, may I have another white P'ez'nit?'

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Mitt should have interviewed that Detroit school teacher from HBO's Hung, that poor guy didn't take the economy lying down, he's doing it all kinds of non-missionary ways. Turning lemons into lemonade is GOP tasty.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Good thing Obama didn't spend any time on health care, right Mittens?

    Oh, wait.

  • DahBoner

    Hey, Detroit was bad under Ronald Reagan in the 80's.

    I don't blame Ronald Reagan, but Reagan didn't fix Detroit, either.

    In fact, Reagan's "Free Trade" policies in which he destroyed over 200 successful years of tarriffs, union bashing and outsourcing Detroit's jobs did just one thing:

    He made things worse

    • Negropolis

      The kind of conventional widsom is that from the 50's to the 80's, Detroit had at least the chance to be turned around. Reagan made whatever shread of a chance Detroit had to turn-around completely impossible. Detroit definitely went pass the point of no return during the 80's. This was the height of the crack epidemic, which had the effect of making Detroit America's most murderous city during that decade. Crack heads were literally kicking in people's doors and jumping through closed windows to steal stuff to pay for their habit, that decade. Detroit's pretty bad, now, but the 80's were total hell.

  • poncho_pilot

    Mitt–it's been well known that Detroit sucks since at least the '70s.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Needz Moar puking/shitting Irish Setter!

  • hooray4anything

    But that magic Fairy Wand will produce Magical Tax Cuts which will then produce unicorns throughout the land who will go on and create thousands and thousands of service industry jobs for unemployed people throughout the land

  • Preferred Customer

    So, Mitt drives around Detroit in a new Chrysler, a car that literally would not exist but for the actions of the Obama Administration, and he says Obama did not make things better?

    I am confused by this.

    • tessiee

      Translation: Obama is a black colored muslin, therefore things that got worse during his administration are his fault; but things that got better during his administration are a complete accident, or accomplished in spite of Obama (sole exception, the capture of Bin Laden, which is to the credit of time-traveling Bush).

  • franco_pinyon


    Are you sure this part wasn't filmed in Texas?

  • franco_pinyon

    Not a single positive idea or suggestion about how to remedy the situation, just driving around exploiting the plight of Detroit to try to pin false blame on Obama.

    Rich, good-looking, privileged upbringing and education and all there is to this guy is "I NEED to be president." I don't think there has been such a cynical, self-directed person in American politics since Richard Nixon.

    • Preferred Customer

      Was with you until the last sentence, but since cynical self-direction is pretty much the sine qua non of a presidential run, I'm not sure ol' Mitt is really that much different than anyone else.

    • tessiee

      "all there is to this guy is "I NEED to be president." "

      Next time I get a job interview (assuming there is a next time), I'll convince them to hire me by telling them that I need an ass-ton of money.

  • poncho_pilot

    lol, his dad was born in Mexico.

  • DahBoner

    And for the Magic Underwear factory tourists, you could have one of those machines that turns a penny into a Golden Plate replica…

  • GhostBuggy

    Mittens is lucky we didn't go all Beaver Island on his ass:

  • Moonbat

    And then Weiner actually waves his magic fairy wand around and everyone's taxing his gig. You just can't win!

  • DahBoner

    "The Republican Party"

    That's a dangerous neighborhood!

    I heard if you go there, you might get cut….

  • GOPCrusher

    Lines up with their strategy of telling Blacks and Hispanics that they are being exploited by the Democrats, while also accusing them of stealing from the White Man.

  • tessiee

    When is Mittney gonna get with the program and tweet pictures of his schlong?
    Not that I have any genuine desire to see it; I just want to see whether the old sayings are true and his freakishly oversized hands indicate the size of any other parts.

  • NYNYNYjr

    The adobe ranchero he was born in still exists, his cousins live in it.

  • tessiee

    Why does Mitt have to be so gosh-darn negative? Why can't he visit something nice in Detroit, like those nifty new urban farms that Bank of America created?

  • tessiee

    As usual, the reich wing is wrong.
    Obama is refusing to whip out his magic wand (heh) and fix everything, not because the unions won't let him, but because it's all part of his fiendish plan to let the "urbans" take over.
    That's why he's always matching his fingertips sinisterly and murmuring, "Exxxxxcellent".

  • Negropolis

    Hey, Mitt. Guess how it got that way?

    Here's a stat to chew on: between 1943 to 1963, there was a dislocaton of 134,000 jobs from the city to suburb. Approximately between the same time (1950 to 1960) the population loss totaled about 140,000. Surprise, right? No. Government policies (Democratic and Republican, BTW) are directly responsible for suburban sprawl. This is before the riots, before things "got bad", so there is no way to blame this one "the blacks".

    BTW, guess who met Mitt when he stopped in Michigan, last week? 100 protestors. Welcome back to Michigan, bitch.

  • Negropolis

    You know what really irks people here in Michigan about Mitt whoring around here? It's him constantly pimping out his ties to the state via his father. Anyone that remembers or has studied Michigan governor George Romney is insulted by what his son became.

    George Romney was a liberal Republican when there really was such a thing. Romney was a staunch supporter of the Civil Rights Movement, even welcoming MLK to Detroit when he did his march, here. He was criticized for his support of the movement by those in his own faith. He also instituted Michigan's income tax; something a Republican could never get away with, today. On top of that, during his presidential campaign, he fell out of favor with the party when he eventually came out against the Vietnam War admitted to being "brainwashed" which killed any chance he ever had of getting the nomination.

    His son would be lucky to have half the character his daddy did.