Anthony Weiner Is 100% Crazy … Crazy For Twitter Gals, We Mean!

  dongressman weiner

Gross.Have you heard the hot news about Anthony Weiner and the never-ending dick joke that is now the entire life of this once-promising congressman — or should we say dongressman? — and how he will go to “rehab” to stop loving the young womens on Twitter? Yes, the liberal pinup Democrat who loved to go on the teevee so much to hear himself talk, and also loved to send pictures of his peen to random people who said hi on Twitter, well now he is off to the crazy house, for treatment. Treatment! It’s what liberals do, when they are caught doing things. They want to “work it out,” and also vanish for hopefully long enough for their tawdry scandals to fall off the top of Google News.

Oh, and now the Politico’s West Coast office, TMZ.com, has more pictures of Weiner grabbing his weiner, this time perhaps in the House gym. And now, for the first time, we can say that it’s not just his face and his penis that are gross. He’s also getting fat. Ugh.

Everybody (except Andrew Breitbart) wants Weiner to quit and go away. Nancy Pelosi is saying very Stern Grandma things about how he should get mental help “without the pressures of being a member of Congress.” Haha, like being insane ever stopped anyone from being in Congress! Anyway, the latest is that there really isn’t a “latest” to report, as Weiner has yet to resign (unless he’s resigning right now, on Twitter, while we’re writing this) and also hasn’t really said what kind of “treatment” he will seek, or where he will get this treatment. Perhaps by using some Twitter coupon at a strip club where they dress up like schoolgirls who watch MSNBC for some reason? [New York Times]

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173 comments

    1. lefty74

      The Vatican created the Pedifile Ceasation Retreats so they might be able to help setting up the structure but don't expect any cures.

      1. WunkRocker

        Were he just a baptist he could just repent/ask zombie jewboy for forgiveness and get some goddy on. Everyone knows though that jews can talk to zombie jewboy because he still is pissed about Judas and shit.

  1. nounverb911

    I'm tired of Weiner already, can we have a new scandal soon, please.

    (My weiner snark well is running dry.)

    1. flamingpdog

      And I always thought that dick jokes, like the Universe, were never-ending. I haz the sadz.

    2. tcaalaw

      I believe Samuel Johnson once said, "When a man is tired of Weiner jokes, he is tired of living."

    3. GOPCrusher

      Actually, I'm sick as fuck of TMZ. If something is need of getting rid of, it's TMZ.

  2. memzilla

    "…now he is off to the crazy house, for treatment."
    Oh, he's getting the treatment, all right.

    "Perhaps by using some Twitter coupon at a strip club…"
    IPO this week for the new discount adult sexting startup: GropeOn.

  3. Barb

    This would have never happened if he was married. He could have gotten some poontang off his mistress and he would be satisfied. Anthony, God invented the orgasm so we would know when to stop masturbating.

      1. Gopherit

        Huma may be interested now. You'd text less strippers and porn stars than Anthony, right? If not, describe in detail why not.

      2. AJWjr.

        Well she's only slightly pregnant so far, so not quite ready for her close-up a la John Edwards…

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The problem isn't his dick, it's his ego — and he can't massage that by himself.

      1. HistoriCat

        I thought Congressmen were automatically given special assistants to help with that.

    2. ttommyunger

      Well, he is married and his wife is corked, so somebody is doing something with his weiner other than starring in photo-ops. BTW, when did the sexual peccadillo drop out of the "contact sport" category? This cyber non-sex is BORING!

      1. GOPCrusher

        Yeah. Can it really be considered a sex scandal if no one has ended up sticky, broke, and confused?

  4. Mumbletypeg

    Hm, Dongressman. Well it beats trying to come up with a June adaptation à la Cocktober.
    But add pics of this stripper-schoolgirl scene, and we could start Poonteenth in earnest.

  5. HempDogbane

    “without the pressures of being a member of Congress.” It sounds kind of dirty when Nancy says it that way.

  6. Barb

    So does this mean that there is someone in government who went through more Kleenex than John Boehner?

  7. Warpde

    Um, ahh….Hmmm.
    Well,…ahum….
    Tapping fingers….looking skyward…rolling eyes…thinking, thinking, drinking….

    I've got nothing.

        1. riverside68

          Nixon sublimated his sex drive into dirty tricks of the non-sexual criminal variety, even more boring.

          I would rather think about my parent's sex then think about Pat and Dick.

          (Extra credit points: "Nixon: pull out before it is too late, like your father should have!")

      1. V572 [SSAN]

        Boehner's doing something. Nobody lays on that much tanning juice just for his wife.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Yes, but the problem is that it would involve Boehner doing, well, anything, with anyone. And who wants to think about that?

    1. tribbzthesquidz

      I've got something. When Weiner resigns he can have his scrotum appointed to his seat.

  8. El Pinche

    The problem with Weiner is that he never got to use the Jesus Fuck and Jerk off room at C Street house like Ensign and Vitter. There , it's completely discreet, secure and under the auspices of Jesus Himself.

      1. AJWjr.

        There used to be a charismatic evangelical-type preacher/former baseball player where I used to live named Albie Pearson; that's how he hooked people on his brand of crazy religion.

  9. JoshuaNorton

    A few questions from the back of the room:

    1. How does the “leave of absence” thing work for elected officials?

    2. How do we tell the difference between a working congress critter and one on leave?

    1. Gopherit

      Anyone can do it. His caucus has to approve. I think that Gabby Giffords is the only other Dem doing it right now……which makes him a little bit more of a pussy.

  10. JoshuaNorton

    Weiner grabbing his weiner,

    Ahem, Sir.

    I SAID AHEM!!!!!

    That should be Weiner grabbing his wiener

    So much for that promising second career editing porn.

  11. flamingpdog

    I know the nation is in serious debt, Tony, but offering up the family jewels on the internets ain't gonna be much help.

  12. bumfug

    Goddamn it Weiner, why didn't you just hire a whore to sponge the crusty, corn-speckled turds off your filthy ass like guys who get to stay in congress do? Dumbass.

  13. e_z

    If he follows it all up with some 12 Step BS he'll soon be back on the chickie gravy train after he learns that all important 13th step.

  14. tribbzthesquidz

    Here's some "treatment" for Anthony, it's called "Lump It." Just go. Go away. I can't look at you and your penis anymore. And when you do resign, please demand that a choice few of your fellow congressbots resign with you and all go to personal demon exorcism class together. For America.

  15. iburl

    Thank goodness Ed Schultz has this to make everybody forget the Right Wing Slut thing.

    I'm more worried about the fact that they don't debate anything in congress (like legistation?) than the fact that (shock) another egotistical politician self promoter has gigantic personality issues that result in them doing silly (and not even illegal, in this case) things.

    Breitbart destroyed a woman's career with a fraudulent video and nobody cares because he never got caught doing the (unquestionably) creepy things he does to get off.

  16. fuflans

    2. you have to be responsible cause they fucking won't be and the next time – when the next repub crashes – you have a paper trail.

  17. fuflans

    4. i just watched 'shine a light' for the gazillion-t-ith time and – LO – in the first 15 minutes, there's huma.

      1. Negropolis

        Sounds downright patriotic, to me. To only consider what you have, and to tell others to go get or care about their own.

  18. Negropolis

    Really, can we just stop this, already? I was going to make another posts, today, about dropping weiner, and requesting a post on Gabby Giffords and/or Dana Rohrabacher (?) telling the Iraqi's he'd appreciate if they'd start thinking about paying us back for the war we started in their country. But, more Weiner? Can't say that was on my list.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Well, I just posted something similar I should have noticed you were already on it, Negropolis.

  19. sati_demise

    ha, Weiner and his 'rehab' and 'therapy'.

    'Conservatives' get 'saved' by Jeebus when this sort of thing happens to them.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Jeebus is cheaper, but you know those tax and spend Democrats … never take something for free when you could pay for it.

    1. nonbeliever7

      Yes Sullivan can focus on important issues since he's a married gay man and probably has sex whenever he wants it…or is the whole gay man sex thing overblown?

  20. aguacatero

    I am in the older half of living humanity — by a fair margin — and I still think "Dongressman Weiner" is funny.

    Woe upon me.

      1. aguacatero

        This is sheer alarmism. I refuse to believe it, and I bet the clever Ms. JOHNSON agrees with me.

  21. mourningnmerica

    Reading about Representative Weiner always makes me hungry for barbecue. I don't know why…

  22. Jukesgrrl

    If a Democrat hadn't picked up a Republican Congressional seat in New York state last month (due to one of their own bad boys), Anthony could have been in the twit business for a lot longer. And, of course, this thing has twice the traction because his name is comedy gold for our lazy media. Imagine how long the maid-raped-in-a-hotel story would have lasted had the IMF chief had the good taste to be named Pierre Trucknutz.

    1. V572 [SSAN]

      Apparently Weiner's seat is a pocket borough, guaranteed Demo. So there should be no net loss. And various bogus polls show his constituents are still okay with him, although they were probably taken before the latest porn-blast.

      1. Negropolis

        How'd you come to the conclusion that they are bogus and came before all of this? The Marist poll was a quickie, but it came after the scandal. It's the only reason they did it.

        1. V572 [SSAN]

          I could be wrong! This is the Internet! But thanks. In any case, an election next year will solve all the problems.

      2. GOPCrusher

        The people that voted for him, don't want him to resign. But since New York is supposed to lose two seats, the discussion is, Weiner's will be divided between two other Democratic seats.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        There must be something wonkette-y about me that I find these shameful expose's titillating?

        With the exception of Charlie Sheen and David Vitter (cause I'm not that sick) is it only me that found Governor Haley, Tiger Woods, Christopher Lee and Weiner more appealing with their exploits?

  23. SayItWithWookies

    I'm just glad the Republicans learned their lesson from the Clinton impeachment. Whatever it might've been.

  24. MozakiBlocks

    Hello from Denmark my fellow lovely Wonketteers. I have spent the past week traveling without hearing anyone make Weiner jokes.

    I can't decide if this is a good or a bad thing.

    1. V572 [SSAN]

      Greetings from Italy. It's a big deal here as the Berlusconi-controlled media (all of them, Katie) love a Demo-scandal.

  25. pinkocommi

    Next time we have a scandal involving pictures of a politician's cock and body, can we vote for who it is? That's one way Barack is sure to get my vote.

  26. AKHottie

    This is really boring. If he had a really hot bod or impressive weiner, I'd be@@ totally supportive of his continuance in office. But Yuck! I hope the naked congress critter is hotter.

    1. AKHottie

      Ok, that post had some editing problems. I was typing with one hand, and swear the other hand wasn't indulging in weiner fantasies!

  27. Mort_Sinclair

    Move along people. Nuthin' to see here except a really cool guy who made some really poor decisions he'll have to live with and work through. Good people make bad decisions all the time. The whole think makes me sad.

  28. donner_froh

    When former Wonkette editor Juli wrote that "It gets better" regarding Weiner jokes she probably wasn't thinking that it gets better even if you have sent 8,000 pictures of your crotch to twitter followers.

    1. tribbzthesquidz

      I was thinking that too. Ugh. That's just unacceptable, even at the gym. What a dildo.

  29. Limeylizzie

    I think Wonkette Jr needs to find the info on Dana Rohrbacher getting kicked out of Iraq and push that item for a while as the rest of the internet seems to have not noticed it.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I will take this time to let all men and boys know that your cocks are not inherently pretty and the only reason we like them is because they feel good NOT look good, so keep them under wraps because they are not photogenic.

        1. ttommyunger

          I have been told on more than one occasion that mine is pretty, by women; so, I've got THAT going for me, which is nice.

          1. mrblifil

            Not to blow my horn, but I've heard similar remarks, while my horn was being blown. And let's not forget that looking at cooters and baby chutes is not always exactly an exercise in communing with aesthetic purity either.

          2. riverside68

            Women say some pretty crazy shit sometimes when all they really want is to get out of the room without a confrontation.

          3. Negropolis

            I know it's a crazy theory, but do you think the women-folk could actually be lying to us, you know, kind of like how we tell every woman we want to get involved with that we love them? I know, I know; shocker, but it's something we must consider.

          4. ttommyunger

            In my meager experience, the really nice women love them some dick. Looking, touching, etc.etc.etc. They are different, though. Some like to be warmed up to the boiling point before they see or feel one. Iss all good to me, I can play by their rules pretty much.

  30. CapeClod

    He should quit. Tiger Woods went into one of those sex rehab places and is now just a average duffer. Sex rehab steals all your mojo.

  31. franco_pinyon

    I think that "Getting your weiner caught in a Twitter" is going to become the new euphemism for an embarrassing personal scandal.

    1. flamingpdog

      Zombie Katherine Graham thanks you for superceding John Mitchell's "getting her tit caught in a wringer".

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Meanwhile, millions of keyboards in normal households across the country had frantic fingers clearing out search histories and hitting the delete button.

      1. emmelemm

        But, as we learn from enumerable cop shows and other fine television programs, the cyber sleuths will always be able to "recover your purged data" and all your secrets will be used against you.

  32. cheetojeebus

    Oh, for fuck's sake. One more post about this choked chicken necked fuck and I'll kill this whole basket of kittens. You hear. DO IT ONE MORE TIME AND THEY"RE DEAD! you want that on your conscience? they're really sweet, playing with a fuzzy ball of pink angora yarn. Little tiny fuzzy balls of love they are.
    You've been warned.

    1. riverside68

      Yah right with all their little needle claws and teeth Fuck the cittens, did you see the latest weiner weiner?

  33. Tundra Grifter

    I'm suffering from CWC – Compulsive Wonkette Commenting. 800+ and counting.

    Do you recommend drugs or self-help tapes?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      I recommend a visit to Sierra Tucson. Enroll quickly and you might get to be in Anthony Weiner's class.

    2. Negropolis

      Well, if you'd been paying attention, you'd see that rehab is the obvious answer. I mean, Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan have been (multiple times!), and look how well they've turned out since.

  34. easybaked

    You know which other cocksure patriot was crazy and made serious errors of judgement?

    1. Negropolis

      Benjamin Franklin many, many, many times on many, many, many issues?

      I love the guy for his relentless spirit, but his immigration policy would fit right with the modern-day Tea Party's. Needless to say that "swarthy Germans" is used quite liberally.

  35. mumbly_joe

    Perhaps by using some Twitter coupon at a strip club where they dress up like schoolgirls who watch MSNBC for some reason?

    Oh please oh please oh please tell me that this is an actual thing that really exists.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      It's prolly in Portland, but it's prolly only tuned to MSNBC when Rachel is on. Otherwise, it's all Progress Now!

  36. LiveToServeYa

    One man starts a useless war and makes it through to the end of his term. Another sends vaguely lewd twit-pics to women on teh intarnets and people call for his head. Dems all rolled over on the issue of impeaching W, yet here they are, breathing fire. Our sense of outrage is SO misplaced.

  37. hollywooddood

    This doesn't become a real news story until congresswomen start tweeting vag pics.

  38. ttommyunger

    "“…without the pressures of being a member of Congress.” Oh PULEEZE, Nancy! The only pressure our Congressturds pay any attention to comes from lobbyists.

    1. flamingpdog

      HA, you have it ttommy. This whole Weiner thing was just an underground publicity campaign for the benefit of the smoked sausage lobby.

  39. carlgt1

    why bother with therapy — Repugs caught in a scandal just cry to baby Jesus and are immediately forgiven by their dipshit teabaggin' followers….

  40. horsedreamer_1

    Clearly, this is guerrilla marketing for the final two-part installment of the Twilight film series. Look at that neck! No vampire would be able to resist!

  41. gurukalehuru

    I am officially bored with the Weiner's wiener meme.
    Hang in there, Tony. Fuck Nancy Pelosi. I don't mean literally. God, that would be gross. Just fuck Nancy Pelosi.

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