Unlike everyone else furiously competing to uncover new humiliating details within Sarah Palin’s thousands of newly released emails like greedy children searching for a Wonka golden ticket, Fox News reporter Greta Van Susteren will just conduct this slanted, simplistic poll about whether the media is being annoying. The answer is still yes! Congratulations, Lame Stream Media, for the first time ever we’d rather read a Fox News poll than suffer through any more of this “Palin email liveblogging.” What vitally important national security information have we come across so far?
- Sarah Palin wanted a tanning bed in the statehouse, which everyone already knew? Why was John Boehner living in Sarah Palin’s body while she was governor?
- Palin did not always viciously hate the media and once accidentally told her staff to be nice to reporters. (This was back when the media thought she was “cute.”)
- Snowmobile aficionado first dude Todd Palin hacked into Sarah’s computer a few times.
- Palin signed some bill on the day Trig was born so that she didn’t have to count it as a vacation day.
And that is all you will ever need to know about this, no matter what the Washington Post says. [Guardian/NYTimes/HuffPo/WaPo]
{ 149 comments }
first! I reserve the right to edit this when i think of something witty
You are just BEGGING for a banning, aintcha?
By replying, I could totally block your ability to edit. But that would make me kind of an asshole.
Oh, CRAP…I forgot about that. Now I'm the asshole and I just HATE it when that happens!
Apologies, Mormos.
Tax cut and max slut rhyme. Go from there.
You're welcome.
Before they let her run as Mc Cain's VP, Steve Schmidt, Bill Kristol, and Nicole Wallace got airtight with Sarah?
ahh! I can't edit this for some reason!
As someone who typically edits his posts 5 or 6 times (and I swear, I'm not this anally retentive about everything) it would be sheer hypocrisy of me to say anything nasty here.
Ok, that leaves it up to me, I guess:
HEY, ASSHOLE! Go back to some fucking AOL chat room blog tweet suckhouse with the fucking 'first' fucking shit. I hope you are ban-hammered to fucking pieces AND your fucking prick or fucking cunt is covered in fucking oozing boils when you wake up tomorrow.
[Will that work Prof. Serolf?]
cut me some slack user-of-owls, don't i get three strikes or something? I admit it was a mistake.
Mercy? You expect mercy? This place is like brother and sister fights. There ain't no mercy.
Who gives a shit?
Your shitting me.
Neg Numbs on your post?
Damn!
Fricken HuffPo Palin lovers must have followed me over.
My apologies.
meh, I was asking for it.
Damn… not even I can help you now.
Did she say anything about me?? Did she did she?!?
Oh god please I hope so oh god…
Yes, she said she was impressed with your ability to “reload“ so quickly.
I love you Wonkette Jr., I really do, but…
ALT-TXT FAIL.
Yeah we really have another Newell on our hands. It's pretty fuckin' easy Junior, e.g.:
"This vote really doesn't count for anything anyone cares about."
"Please confirm your email address."
"Are you interested in a subscription to one of our many fine publications?"
"All your vote are belong to us."
That took me all of about 60 seconds.
Careful Sharkey or you'll get a job offer.
Jeeze, guys, it's after 9 PM in D.C. Junior prolly wants to be at home, drunk or high or both with some sexytime with his/her/both partner, but Ken has him/her/both tied to a board in front of a PC working overtime for a couple of extra p and a can of Pringles.
Alt-Text fail? "Screen shot at 2011-06-10 04.31.34 PM" I laughed my ass off. I mean "screen shot"!?!? If Anthony Weiner had tweeted that, it would be a whole segment on Fux News. "PM"!!! Can only mean Penis Message. HA HA HA …. OMFG … HA HA HA!
Your penis messages intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Wonkette was the first blog to recognize Sarah Palin's particular brand of inelegance and how it would appeal to the Teatards–who didn't even exist yet.
That will be tough to live down.
Sarah Palin
a) great grifter
b) greatest grifter
c) greatest grifter ever
d) grifter of grifters.
e) Ur-grifter
This is the one time re-grifting is NOT tacky.
The grift that keeps on grifting.
Most obvious grifter of all time, how does she get away with it?
The Mother of all grifters.
What snow grifter fans everywhere want to know: Did Sarah send any e-pics of her hooters to anyone?
All of us.
Yeah, this is the one she sent me. http://www.freespiritart.com/snowy-owl-prints.php
Fail! That was two birds sent by one boob. We want two boobs sent by one bird.
The Faux News poll is using the "Have you stopped beating your wife?" methodology.
(a) Not yet
(b) Only on weekends
(c) Mostly
(d) She has it coming
"bad thing to to…It is a witch hunt"
Fox…We Distort, You Decide
How can it be a "witch hunt" if you've already found the witch?
What does Christine O'Donnell have to do with this?
Really, this would work well with a 'b' instead of a 'w'
So we are literally going through Palin's trash now. When did CNN become TMZ?
The O.J. Simpson trial? It's been a while.
You can learn a lot about people from their trash!
Everything she produces is trash — what choice do we have?
The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!
I'm picking out a thermos for you, not just any old thermos will do……..and a rectal thermometer (upfist), too.
Boy….thing's really start happening to us NOW!
Hey!! These oil cans are defective!
"Palin signed some bill on the day Trig was born so that she didn’t have to count it as a vacation day."
That is all you ever need to know about Sarah Palin. Reporters, you can stop now. And mercifully, we can stop reading about her.
I don't get it–does Alaska really not have maternal leave for its employees, so that any state worker has to use vacation time to get paid on the day she actually gives birth?
Sounds like Scott Walker/Koch Brothers heaven.
Some employers handle maternal leave the way they do disability and require that the employee use up her vacation leave before the disability leave kicks in. Since Palin wanted to charge rape victims for their evidence collecting rape kits, I have no sympathy for her if that was the case.
You know, that gives the Trig Truthers some ammo there. If she'd really given birth to a baby, medical leave wouldn't have been a problem.
Plus, high risk induced birth, she may not have been in much shape to do so.
Somewhere, Andrew Sullivan is furiously writing a blog post on the issue
Since I suspect that she's at best not in favor of family leave for others, and at worst, responsible for eliminating family leave, this just puts the cherry on the shit sundae.
But, wait, she's "pro life," so why wouldn't she (and other pro-lifers) support things like family leave & health care & living wages that make birthing those precious precious fetuses easier? That makes no sense.
Oh yeah, right, forgot myself for a sec there. Pro-lifers & sense don't belong in the same sentence.
I weep for all the trees killed to print out the Palindreck.
And the brand of the 250 pounds of paper which was used? Georgia-Pacific, a proud subsidiary of Koch Industries.
And yet the radio was saying Republicans are aghast at the wastefulness of the process. Go figure.
Two words: Ken Starr.
Ken Starr? Isn't he the guy in Hell, taking it up the keister from Joe McCarthy?
He is, right?
Please?
They're going to name another meadow after Sarah Palin™, similar to the "Going Rogue Grasslands".
What, the Lou Sarah Wastelands?
"all the trees killed to print out the Palindreck … 250 pounds of paper"
"Why didn't I listen to my mother and go to tree college? I could have been *nice* paper, and had a fulfilling career wiping shit off of asses, but NOOOOO!"
I wonder what Margaret Thatcher’s people have to say about these “idiotic” e-mails?
"What's an e-mail?"
They're nuts? just like their drafter.
That Sarah is too nutty to meet with the rather senile Baronness when Sarah visits London.
We should ask Limeylizzie. They probably called her up and told her all about it, since she knows everybody in England.
If:
she never really was a candidate,
and only half a governor,
and it didn't take us long to hone in on her modus operandi
and she is from Alaska, after all,
then her emails are going to be slightly anti-climactic.
Please, don't put "climactic" or any variation of the word "climax" in a post about Sarah Palin.
/shudder
She doesn't believe in global warming, so how about anti-climatic?
In her defense, all those emails were composed in haste in response to gotcha Alaska legislators and constituents, so give her a break, willya?
For the troops.
"Palin signed some bill on the day Trig was born so that she didn’t have to count it as a vacation day."
Isn't that sweet she wanted to be at the hospital when her grandson was born.
Republican family values at work.
Did they find Tod's sexts yet?
They weren't sent to Sarah Palin…
Todd may have enough animal cunning not to sext.
I sure hope so. I would pay good money NOT to see his pecker, in or out of his drawers.
"all journalists' emails and all politicians' emails should be made public on the internet"
OK, Greta, you first…and don't try to tell me your personal emails should be exempt.
Oh, and while we're at it, Greta, what newspapers and magazines do you read? What shows do you watch or listen to? When is the last time you asked a question that was actually important?
What the fuck is wrong with your face?
Who did you blow to get your job?
Actually, she asked Preibus why Vitter didn't have to resign, if Weiner had to? Of course, she let him off without answering, but she asked. More than anyone else at Fox would have.
Except Shep. But he's looking more and more out of place over there.
♪♫ the grifter turned a whiter shade of Palin ♫♪
The offers of windfalls from Nigeria demonstrate it is that Sarah, not Barry, is the African Muslin usurper.
Hey Greta Van Ponyface, guess what? I created another survey that you can use to help Sarah Palin overcome this latest lamestream media event.
http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid...
Hilarious! That is one poll worth responding to…
Questions with "yes" and "no" and "true" and "false" as possible answers? Multiple choice questions like this require too much thinking for the teatards.
this was fun.
The "We should go through everyone's emails" seems to be one of the primary MOs suggested to the Palinbots, along with "we should be concentrating on JERBS (etc.) instead of focusing on Sarah". Of course they weren't saying the latter when Palin is getting the type of attention she *wants*.
Was she hounded for three-years to release the most obscure version of her birth certificate? No? Ok, then. Victimhood rejected.
Sorry for the accidental downfist. I upfisted some of your other comments in penance.
yes we should be focusing on jobs and not on sarah.
and i would like to know why this house of baggers has done precious little about that.
Doesn't Homeland Security and NSA go through everyone's e-mails *already*?
Oh, here's one:
Fw: Todd, [redacted]
Dear [redacted]:
I [redacted] simple, [redacted] wouldn't. Time tested [redacted]. [redacted] fake a [redacted].
SP
Fox is very good at coming up with really, really stupid polls <—- warning, link to my blog.
Thanks for the link. I added you to my favorites.
OK, how many Wonketeers post here just hoping that you'll end up linking to their blog? All my best to the first one who says, "All of them, Katie.".
Good read, S_D.
"Her beauty's said to mesmerize
It clouds the brains of all the guys.
The chicks say that's a bunch of bunk,
But First Dude… He's a Super HUNK!
A view so fresh that none would try,
'Less they went to Wasilla High!
Her style of playing Politics
Is sort of like a Braxton Hicks….
It fakes you out and hurts like hell…
But in the end, it comes out well.
Until her term comes to an end,
There is nothing that she can't transcend."
I think that gunshot you heard from above the clouds wass Erato puttting a bullet through her head.
Wait, you're not making that up, as a joke? Someone actually wrote that as like an "Ode to a GILF"?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/blog/2011/jun/10/...
Lou Sarah is a skanky cunt
Her whole life is one big publicity stunt.
Her kids are props who she'll otherwise ignore
She's a narcissistic attention whore.
She likes to grift
She likes to quit,
She's really just a pile of shit.
It almost would be kinda funny,
'Cept she's doing it all on taxpayer money.
I hope you e-mailed your oeuvre d'art to Ms. Lou Sarah. Her e-mail address is in the news these days.
No, thank you.I don't care to wake up one fine morning with a severed moose head in my bed.From: notifications@intensedebatemail.comTo: jrrzgrrl@hotmail.comSubject: flamingpdog replied to your comment on Stupid Palin Email Dump Media Frenzy Makes Fox News Poll Kind of Fun
I wouldn't worry, unless you live in Russia. That seems to be the only thing which she can see from her front porch, which I suspect is where she does all her moose hunting from too. Also.
Screw the e-mails. I want first dude in waiting's browser history. And Bristol's, hubba hubba.
Checking out a Fox Poll is just like asking a Madam if her girls are clean; or if her competitor's are.
So, what you're saying, then, is that I should buy a used car from *you*, and not from the dealership across the street?
Nothing gets by you, Mr/Miss T.
Any LOLCats links/forwards?
I friggin' love those things.
…for the first time ever we’d rather read a Fox News poll
Would still rather read Jim Newell polls.
~
Would still rather look at Anthony Weiner's pole.
*rimshot*
I can't wait until we get to the one where she says that our beloved FLOTUS has an ample behind (this seems to be a favorite amoungst the racist teatards) and then, in my mind at least, our loverly Michelle bitchslaps the shit out of that smirking POS.
"our loverly Michelle bitchslaps the shit out of that smirking POS"
Yeah!! Those arm muscles aren't just for show!!
I am reminded of the voluminous correspondence between Jefferson and Adams today, and just how far this nation has fallen.
Needs moar Paul Revere-type history quotes.
Today's ADN: Bailey was never my campaign manager. Please correct.
Today's AP: Piper is 7, not 8.
And that my sister wasn't in the midst of a divorce, that's been over for a few years. And even the custody battle is past tense. They keep reporting that incorrectly also.
Also? Also.
All right, which one of you Wonketeers is Lou Sarah???
I for one look forward to The Onion's parody of the emails and the hysterical outcry of people who do not understand The Onion. Example of such people: http://literallyunbelievable.org/
Oh well, so we really are doomed. Good thing I decided to keep drinking tonight.
Let's get started then…
Thought I would swing by after reading the comments on HuffPo for the last couple hours.
Damn, and to think I thought you Wonketters were funny. (No offense)
Palin camp is in defense mode.
This is so fucking fun I almost forgot about the Hockey game tonight.
(and Wieners wiener)
Go Canucks Go!!!!
Beers, and Upfists, all around. My treat.
Disclaimer: I live in Vancouver. So I am biased.
So…she wanted a tanning bed, eh? Even she's sick of Palin, and wanted to be Tanin.
BOOM goes the puntastic!
Oh for fucks sake, I'd downfist myself if I could.
I liked this one:
Fw: [redacted]
Dear [redacted]:
If you try to [redacted] me again like that I will [redacted] you up so bad that your [redacted] wouldn't [redacted] you.
Consider yourself [redacted].
Sarah.
Pffft!
Who the hell is she trying to fool?
She couldn't [redacted] her mother on the most [redacted] day of her life if she had an atomic [redacted] machine!
What are they so upset about, won’t these be available in the Palin Presidential library eventually?
That cunt.
I miss the obscure Palin. Damn.
i propose that in honor of sarah palin e-dump day, every american school child be forced to memorize a sonnet.
extra points if an occitan sonnet or one written by wilfred owen.
Now we know for certain… Sarah Palin used e-mail. The Founding Fathers wouldn't touch that stuff with King George's dick.
What conflict? In the Palin compound, making money IS a family value.
If brevity is the soul of wit, 25,000 emails is surely the soul of witlessness.
well if Faux News calls it a "witch hunt" then at least they are finally admitting Sarah is a witch!
"they are finally admitting Sarah is a witch!"
Rhymes with witch…
Twitch? Well, she is kinda twitchy but I don't see it.
Stitch? Not funny enough to be the amusing version and not lovable enough to be the Disney alien version.
Lich? Evil undead – yes, I think we have a winner.
I agree! I agree! "Screen shot", indeed. This is quintessential internet porn.
Are they going through her official government one or the yahoo one she used for all her official government business?
Maybe some "citizen activists" could dress up like The Village People™, go aboard a cargo ship and toss the imported (from Wasilla) Sarah Palin™ T-shirts into the harbor. I know that's stealing, but the Village People won't mind lending their public personas to this worthy cause.
What were the results when they asked the same questions about Anthony Weiner? Oh….wait….
great poll, not biased at all…sorry, off my meds…
T
Stupid Fox poll.
a) They are not Palin's emails. They are The State of Alaska's emails.
b) Lou Sarah, you brainless fool, you could have conducted all of your personal business on a personal email account (with a smarter password than your high school).
c) You could have conducted all of your gubernatorial business on the state servers in a professional manner.
e) No drama.
d) Oh, wait. Never mind.
I look forward to the youtube video of Greta Van Susteren with smeared eyeliner, crying, "LEAVE SARAH ALONE!!".
Yeah!
Teatards are lucky she performs for you bastard people…
If Sarah Palin was a stripper, I'd pay for her to put her clothes back on….
"Also sprach Sarah-thustra"
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