OLD WORLD ORDER  3:56 pm June 10, 2011

Can of Pringles Causes Bomb Scare At Bilderberg Meeting In Switzerland

by Wonkette Jr.

The annual super secret scary capitalist meeting of the Bilderbergs is underway in St. Moritz, Switzerland, with all the usual vintage cronies like Kissinger and Rockefeller and the Goldman Sachs chairman and their European villain equivalents. OR IS IT? Two mysterious heroes for democracy attempted to either have a snack or, if you look at it another way, were trying to bomb the meeting with a can of Pringles, which police seized along with the two men.

Charlie Skelton of the Guardian reports:

Just when you thought the annual four-day Bilderberg conference couldn’t get any more exciting, a policeman goes and finds a bomb. Or at least, he went and found a “tubular device” that at certain angles, if you squinted a bit, looked sort of like a bomb. By that well known bomb manufacturer — Pringles.

All of a sudden the shout went up, out came the handcuffs, and two men (that nobody recognized) were bustled into custody. We’re still trying to find out who they were or what they’re charged with.

This is a good news day for a reporter stuck “covering” Bilderberg. This is the only thing that reporters have to talk about at Bilderberg, since they are otherwise banned from getting close to the hotel where the meeting happens and have to just stand outside reporting on the weather. It’s raining! Probably. It always rains when villains come together to plot.

Are they all villains? Charlie Rose is attending this year. What? We were kind of hoping he was still one of the good guys. The heads of Google, Amazon and one of the co-founders of Facebook are attending this year also, probably because one of the themes is “Social Networks: Connectivity and Security.”  We look forward to some “security changes” over at Facebook when the meeting is done. [The Guardian/ Bilderberg Official Site]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 162 comments }

nounverb911 June 10, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Gives new meaning to the term "cholesterol bomb".

evan7257 June 10, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Isn't that the place where you can pay too much money to make your own teddy bears?

poncho_pilot June 10, 2011 at 4:37 pm

evil teddy bears. like Teddy Ruxpin.

ALIVE! June 10, 2011 at 3:59 pm

No, we said those Pringles are like a FAT BOMB.

nounverb911 June 10, 2011 at 3:59 pm

The junk food nazis are alive and well living in Switzerland.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 10, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Switzerland has long been known for hoarding NAZI junk food.

horsedreamer_1 June 10, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Reminds me of a story I heard from a close relative, who was in London in the mid-90s. He or a friend had gotten a sandwich, that turned out to be entirely unpalatable, so they left it & the brown lunch-sack in which it came on the Tube. The rest of the day, they were hoping to see news of the London Subway shut down over a possible IRA bomb — that would turn out to be English food unfit for American taste-buds.

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:25 pm

English food is unfit for English taste-buds.

horsedreamer_1 June 10, 2011 at 4:32 pm

How do you think they stay so thin?

(Looking at you, Kate Middleton Duchess Catherine of Cambridge. (No, seriously, I am. I'm outside your window with a periscope.))

alaninthecastro June 12, 2011 at 11:46 am

English food is far more dangerous than your average IRA bomb.

Negropolis June 12, 2011 at 9:59 pm

I had a fast-food pizza over in London. It was an abomination onto the Lord. They shouldn't even be allowed to call in pizza. I mean, it was ten times worse than Little Caesar's.

donner_froh June 10, 2011 at 4:00 pm

The Boston Police Department could give them lessons on how to panic when encountering something that is obviously not a bomb.

Angry_Marmot June 11, 2011 at 9:43 am

1.31.07 Never Forget.

ManchuCandidate June 10, 2011 at 4:01 pm

First they came for the Pringles,
and I didn't speak out because I didn't want Pringles.

Then they came for the Doritos,
and I didn't speak out because I didn't want Doritos.

Then they came for the Lays Chips,
and I didn't speak out because I didn't want Lays Chips.

Then I had to go to the store
because there was nothing left to eat.

genxr June 10, 2011 at 4:05 pm

*sniff* that's so poignant. Never again! Never. Again.

V572 [SSAN] June 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Bigot! Where are the Cheetos? They'd disappear long before the Pringles, at least at my house. Pringles are reconstituted potato-like substances, salted and formed into "chips." Cheetos are probably pure industrial waste garnished with salt, but taste much better. The orange fingers are just collateral damage.

emmelemm June 10, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Junior, junior: how many times we gotta say it? ALT-TEXT, baby. It's the cherry on the sundae.

RadioJr. June 10, 2011 at 5:05 pm

It's the hydrolyzed protein on the Pringles

Grief_Lessons June 10, 2011 at 5:22 pm

The happy ending to the massage.

cheetojeebus June 10, 2011 at 5:48 pm

A "tweet" from your congressman.

RavenRant June 10, 2011 at 6:15 pm

It's the anus in the anus burger.

emmelemm June 10, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Is finding the actual anus in your anus burger like finding the baby in your king cake?

RavenRant June 10, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Better!

Grief_Lessons June 10, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Waiter, I'd like to complain: this is clearly a cloaca!

RavenRant June 10, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Wonketteers have been sending me to the online dictionary this week. Thanks for the ejumacation.

Weekend begins… NOW!

Madfall June 10, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Remind me, do wingnuts consider the Bilderbergs the Illuminati or the Elders of Zion?

Chet Kincaid June 10, 2011 at 4:58 pm

You can wind some lefties up talking about the Biderbergers, too.

Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2011 at 5:52 pm

"Whyyyy, I oughta…"

elviouslyqueer June 10, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Yes.

zhubajie June 11, 2011 at 6:52 am

All of them, plus the Mafia, the Yakuza and the Triads!

Geminisunmars June 10, 2011 at 4:01 pm

You know who else liked his pringles in Switzerland?

genxr June 10, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I was about to say Hitler, but he stayed out of Switzerland for fear of the pringles.

nounverb911 June 10, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2011 at 4:14 pm

When I clicked your link, I was expecting to see something something truly filthy. I've been hanging out here far too long.

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:29 pm

You were just confusing it with Debbie and the Dallas Cowboys.

Beowoof June 10, 2011 at 7:36 pm

If you were watching the game it was a major obscenity.

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Buh, buh, buh, Benny and the Jets?

donner_froh June 10, 2011 at 4:08 pm

William Tell?

nounverb911 June 10, 2011 at 4:11 pm

The Lone Ranger?

poncho_pilot June 10, 2011 at 5:06 pm

William Burroughs?

SayItWithWookies June 10, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Ulrich Zwingli?

powersuit June 10, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Joke all you want, you're still going to hell.

powersuit June 10, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Der schweize Bube?

Geminisunmars June 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Non. Mon enfant suisse?

horsedreamer_1 June 10, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Otzi?

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Frederic Henry?

EDIT:
Troll down fisted me for that one. Who'da thunk Troll doesn't know Ernest Hemingway huh?

Geminisunmars June 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Troll downfists everything. It doesn't stop to read, might learn something.

So, Fred Henry, as in "Goodbye, Arms" bomb?

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Yeppers. Ernie was great.

Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I thought that took place in the Italian Alps. But then again I haven't finished the book yet; I put it down for a couple weeks every time that touchy-feely Italian surgeon roommate creeps me out. Which is often.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 10, 2011 at 4:28 pm

NAZI gold? (Glenn Beck?)

metamarcisf June 10, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Uncle Fester?

fartknocker June 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Heidi Klum?

GOPCrusher June 10, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Simon Ammann?

themcwow June 10, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Swiss Miss Instant Cocoa with mini marshmallows

poncho_pilot June 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Baron Von Richthofen?

Boredw/Gravitas June 10, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Charlie Chaplin?

Nothingisamiss June 10, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Heidi? (Really? I'm the first one with that? Seems clear.)

Beowoof June 10, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Jason Bourne who used a can to kill the bad guys.

Dudleydidwrong June 10, 2011 at 10:30 pm

John Calvin? Pringles are sacramental in Calvinist churches.

zhubajie June 11, 2011 at 6:54 am

Karl Jung?

nounverb911 June 10, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Are the Koch boys there with the rest of their secret cabal?

Goonemeritus June 10, 2011 at 4:03 pm

For a true cabal they would need to invite " the Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up"

CrunchyKnee June 10, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Downfister probably doesn't even know where Switzerland is, unless he came out of his mom's basement once to scrounge for more Cheetos and accidentally went there somehow.

BTWBFDIMHO June 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

So downfister is Dubya, who used to confuse Sweden with Switzerland, and also used to choke on Pretzels.

RadioJr. June 10, 2011 at 5:06 pm

But I'm sure downfisty has seen the bottom of a few cans of Pringles before.

themcwow June 10, 2011 at 5:33 pm

and now it all makes sense

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:33 pm

But I'm sure downfisty has had a few cans of Pringles up his bottom before.
/fixed

AJWjr. June 10, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Perfect launch for the gerbils.

genxr June 10, 2011 at 4:04 pm

It was the fat free potato chips with Olestra. BOOM!

CrunchyKnee June 10, 2011 at 4:10 pm

St. Moritz – come for the crypto-fascist fun, stay for the anal leakage!

Beowoof June 10, 2011 at 7:40 pm

That would be the bomb that is appropriate for this crowd.

themcwow June 10, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Roman Polanski?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 10, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Actually, that was a California Hot tub, which is why he is in Switzerland.

ThundercatHo June 10, 2011 at 4:04 pm

St. Moritz? I thought Galt's Gulch was in Colorado.

Beowoof June 10, 2011 at 7:41 pm

I thought Ayn Rand possessed Galt's Gulch.

nounverb911 June 10, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Were they at least chocolate covered Pringles?

Nothingisamiss June 10, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Mmmmmmm…….

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Stand Clear! BZZZZZT!!!

Schmannnity June 10, 2011 at 4:05 pm

High powered explosives later determined to be Poprocks.

KommunistKitty June 10, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Perhaps they were memorializing the death of their fellow terrorist: http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,…

donner_froh June 10, 2011 at 4:06 pm

David Rockefeller is still alive. Will wonders never cease?

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Mebbe he has Dick Cheney's heart.

fuflans June 10, 2011 at 4:07 pm

the banality of evil.

metamarcisf June 10, 2011 at 4:08 pm

There's commenter on Breitbart who bills herself as Eileen for Freedom. She is obsessed with the Bilderbergs. If I wasn't banned for life over there for making too many Anus and Andy jokes, I'd point her to this article.

ragnarok4msm June 10, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Wonder what happened to you at AB. I did your job for you(linked it on1 of her comments).while I agree with about 30% of what she is sayin the rest is straight batsh!t Alex Jones style.

Nothingisamiss June 10, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Is that why your pee occ. comes close to reaching yelloish-green? If Breitbart refuses to downfist you, who are you?

RavenRant June 10, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Your 3 digit negative p is in peril!

Sue4466 June 10, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Once they pop, you can't stop.

prommie June 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

If she smokes, she pokes.

Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2011 at 5:59 pm

If her hair's dyed blue, she's bound to screw.

smashedinhat June 10, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Kissinger. The gift that keeps on giving. Like herpes.

FlownOver June 10, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Or real bombs.

horsedreamer_1 June 10, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Euphemistically, "undetonated ordnance".

RadioJr. June 10, 2011 at 5:08 pm

He was the John Bolton of his day. Minus the 'stache and the goy.

Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Plus, most people believed Henry K to be highly intelligent, farsighted, reasonable, even thoughtful. All very helpful if you want their collusion for committing your war crimes.

I'm pretty sure no one would make that mistake with ol' Walrus-Face.

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:16 pm

You know how deadly pototo ordnance delivery technology systems have gotten in the last 3 years?!?! It's fucking scary people. I understand the precautions.
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-a-Potato-Launcher

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Please send Dick Cheney one so he can shoot Dan Quayle in the face for us.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 10, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I know whenever I eat Pringles, I have an explosion about an hour or so later.

Chillwaver June 10, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I always knew that Julius Pringles (mustached logo) was a muslin!

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I never bought his babershop quartet look. He's a nefarious fellow.

horsedreamer_1 June 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

I don't trust any swarthy Eye-tai, nor their Organ-grinding Monkeys.

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I like you horsedreamer_1. We can hang out and bash degos till the cows come.

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Which reminds me:

Did you hear of the new tires Ferrari invented?
Dego fast
Dego slow
and when Dego go flat Dego Wop Wop Wop.

horsedreamer_1 June 10, 2011 at 4:44 pm

I have the benefit of being one. All my back & chest hair proves it.

At least, when my head is thinned out for hair, I can get more realistic plugs — my own — than Wayne Rooney.

Chillwaver June 10, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Picking on my paisani? What did we ever do to you? Isn't sending the Jersey Shore crew to Florence not enough punishment???

ifthethunderdontgetya June 10, 2011 at 4:18 pm

All of a sudden the shout went up, out came the handcuffs, and two men (that nobody recognized) were bustled into custody. We’re still trying to find out who they were or what they’re charged with.

Too late, those men have already been sent to secret CIA Goldman Sachs Torture Prisons™. You'll never hear from them again.
~

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:51 pm

DId Opie and Anthony show up for work today?

SayItWithWookies June 10, 2011 at 4:20 pm

That was a close call — the Bilderbergers would've been horrified to find out that a product available at a convenience store came within a few hundred feet of the pate de fois gras and the truffled arugula salad with gorgonzola. I mean, you hear about incidents like this happening, but you never really know the full impact until it almost happens to you.

V572 [SSAN] June 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Ever tried called Cambozola? It is a combination of a French soft-ripened triple cream cheese and Gorgonzola that is weapons-grade tasty. Just don't tell your cardiologist.

SayItWithWookies June 10, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Camembert and Gorgonzola, or so I saw it described on a cooking show this past weekend. Apparently it's all the rage, but I haven't tried it yet.

finallyhappy June 11, 2011 at 10:19 pm

I think Jose Andres introduced me to it(not personally of course- I am not yet that important in the Washington scheme of things)

poncho_pilot June 10, 2011 at 5:33 pm

i thought the pate was made form the livers of war orphans…

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Pate made from the liver of Breitbart gives you a bigger buzz, but makes you more disagreeable.

charlesdegoal June 10, 2011 at 4:21 pm

In St Moritz, all references to Pringles are to Scottish knitwear. Reconstituted potato chips are no-no's.

Weenus299 June 10, 2011 at 4:22 pm

It was a ruse. The experts missed the real bomb, encased in an Oscar Meyer Lunchable.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 10, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Based upon this, I have a feeling that Sarah Palin's bus is full of explosives.

prommie June 10, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Bugle-Bombs? I see her brood eating a lot of bugles; they are the grossest thing I can imagine. And marshmallow peanuts, and candy corn.

horsedreamer_1 June 10, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Ringing the Taco Bells, telling Michelle Obama they aren't going to accept her fascism at a fork's edge.

genxr June 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Ringing those taco bells, and firing those warning farts.

Nothingisamiss June 10, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Accidental downfist, when anyone who's anyone would upfist this comment.

elviouslyqueer June 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Don't forget about the glorified cow patties we serve down here in Dixieland.

genxr June 10, 2011 at 5:38 pm

They have weapons grade funyuns, and must be stopped!

iburl June 10, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Cue the Imperial March.

Lucidamente1 June 10, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Jesus, Riley isn't even gone a month and look what happens.

OneYieldRegular June 10, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Well, that's what you get for not using Aqua Teen Hunger Force for your security needs.

GOPCrusher June 10, 2011 at 5:13 pm

This sounds more like a job for ISIS and Sterling Archer

AJWjr. June 10, 2011 at 10:40 pm

As long as Cheryl/Carol is in, I'm good with it.

V572 [SSAN] June 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Ha ha, Bilderberger journo-whores have nothing to cover. It's not like they were State Department journo-whores, or the pitiful souls consigned to rewrite NASA press releases in a vain attempt to make them interesting. Or a CNN "reporter" "covering the story" about Libya while sitting in London. Or for that matter the contentious douche bags of the White House press corps, struggling every day to extract news at an event purposely designed to be news-free. How can they do that every day, and still have time to worry about whose chair is closer to the lectern?

Chet Kincaid June 10, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Everything Pops With Pringles!™

rambone June 10, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Were they the Fat Free Pringles made with Olean®? Those have made my ass explode on more than one occasion.

finallyhappy June 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I could only eat one of those things- they make your mouth feel like it is coated with a thick layer of dried grease. I like my grease fluid- like you get from real potato chips!

BloviateMe June 10, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Isn't Bilderberger Bergerbilder that mean guy who cancelled Christmas?

ifthethunderdontgetya June 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Wonkettes, Jr: speculation:

1) Proof that there can be only (more than) one: no alt text on the pic for this post.

2) One of them is Barb: because where is Barb?

3) …
~

RadioJr. June 10, 2011 at 5:10 pm

And let's not forget Extem. The pedobear and jr. have not been seen together.

Geminisunmars June 10, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Eh, she just found a life is all.

DemmeFatale June 10, 2011 at 9:53 pm

I think she was in Vegas this week.

Chet Kincaid June 10, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Pringles is currently running a promotion where you can get some kind of speaker to stick in your Pringles can…
http://www.pringles.com/current-promotions

…which can obviously be rejiggered as a triggering device. Why does P&G hate Global Oligarchy, when it is All That?

ifthethunderdontgetya June 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

One word: Satan!
~

poncho_pilot June 10, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Texe Marrs sounds like a fake name. it's an anagram of Rat REM Sex. i think this means he takes the form of a Rat to impregnate women in their sleep with the spawn of Satan.

OneDollarJuana June 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Alls I can say is: THANK GOD FOR FRIDAY! I'm gonna make a big campfire, burn some burgers, drink mass quantities of German beer, and eat REAL POTATO CHIPS.

poncho_pilot June 10, 2011 at 5:08 pm

pringles burrito?

x111e7thst June 10, 2011 at 5:13 pm

LONDON (AP) — Britain's High Court has ruled that Pringles are not a potato snack, and thus are not subject to value-added tax.

orygoon June 10, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I'm GLAD those people are super-twitchy. Be very afraid!

RadioJr. June 10, 2011 at 5:17 pm

If they were Wiener flavor, I'm done….No electronic media of any sort….for the whole weekend…I mean it this time…
BTW, there is also a Screamin' Dill Pickle flavor….don't ask me how I know this….

NYNYNYjr June 10, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Screaming Dill Wiener and Clam Sauce Flavor.

Peace in our time June 10, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Maybe they were worried about wifi cantennas.

Toomush_Infer June 10, 2011 at 5:45 pm

I dunno- Pringles always scare me….how do they do that? …and could we fit all the Bilderbergers in the same way?…

proudgrampa June 10, 2011 at 5:50 pm

OK. Look. I just spent some time at the David Icke site. NO mention of Bilderberg in St. Moritz. Didn't happen. Maybe the reptilians are meeting, but it ain't in Switzerland.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum June 10, 2011 at 5:51 pm

OMG, Ted Stevens was right! The internet is just a series of tubes.

BlueStateLibel June 10, 2011 at 6:21 pm

It's good at least to see the rich corrupt plutocrats getting jumpy and nervous…

Walkinwiddaking June 10, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Mmmm…Pringles.

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:43 pm

More like the tubular bells that Paul Revere rang when he was warning the British.

ttommyunger June 10, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I'd be scared if the wind blew if I was a fat cat today. So many poors, so many guns…Got to be hard on the digestion.

MiniMencken June 11, 2011 at 3:45 am

St. Moritz in June? Nobody goes there in June.

mumbly_joe June 11, 2011 at 10:59 am

Wait, isn't Build-a-Burger the name of that restaurant in Times Square? I'm so confused.

Negropolis June 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Mmmm….build-a-burger. Sounds…delicious.

BZ1 June 11, 2011 at 2:36 pm

obviously trying to blow up the Bilders with high-cholesteral Pringles, may take a long time…

An_Outhouse June 11, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Th two guys were guilty of not being bazillionaires. They were gross, creepy millionaires tooling around in a beamer. A beamer! Can you imagine? Yuck!!

baconzgood June 10, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Ohhh com'on

As my pappy was fond of saying while he bounced me on his knee. "Baconz, if you can't laugh at a crippled italian midget what can you laugh at?"

GOPCrusher June 10, 2011 at 5:06 pm

* sob * That's touching. I want that on a needlepoint sampler.

Chillwaver June 10, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Ha. You're right. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" would not be the same without Danny DeVito…

flamingpdog June 10, 2011 at 6:56 pm

upfisted for your snarking pleasure.

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