SEE YA AROUND CLOWNS  4:13 pm June 9, 2011

Newt Gingrich’s Campaign Staff All Quitting, For Obvious Reasons

by Wonkette Jr.

Lots more time for buying tacky silver jewelry now!We haven’t heard about Newt Gingrich since he was pooping all over the GOP’s platform and also defending his $500,000 no-interest credit line at Tiffany’s, so he can always get some new whore trinkets for whatever new mistress he’s bonking in some broom closet. So how’s that campaign going? Oh, you forgot Newt Gingrich was running for president? Hahaha so did everybody, including Newt’s campaign manager and a half-dozen senior campaign staffers. They’re done! It’s time to hook up with somebody who has a chance in hell of getting the GOP nomination or at least a second spot on the ticket. And Newt Gingrich is never going to be the nominee for president or vice president of anything beyond Newt Gingrich Enterprises, LLC.

The New York Times reports, giddily:

Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager and a half-dozen senior advisers resigned on Thursday, two aides said, dealing a significant setback to his bid to seek the Republican presidential nomination and severely complicating his plan to make a political comeback.

The campaign manager, Rob Johnson, along with advisers in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, joined together to step down after a period of deep internal disagreements about the direction of the campaign.

What direction? Unless you mean “straight down the tubes,” there has never been any direction to this campaign. It has never been about anything beyond the insane delusions of Newt Gingrich, one of the worst people in the world. [NYT]

 

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{ 248 comments }

nounverb911 June 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

My staff didn’t quit! Now don’t taze quote me, bro!

Swampgas_Man June 9, 2011 at 7:28 pm

No, I fired 'em all; that's the ticket!

nounverb911 June 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Did Calista quit too?

PsycWench June 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm

She wishes she knew how to quit him in a cost-effective manner.

GOPCrusher June 9, 2011 at 5:40 pm

That has to be the whitest woman in the history of the world. Does she wear colored contact lenses to cover up the pink?

Terry June 9, 2011 at 5:40 pm

No but there was probably another Tiffany purchase, or perhaps a piece a real estate

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 5:43 pm

The cruize was her idea, staff no like her scheduling, she no like staff

win-win

nounverb911 June 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Looks like Newt got thrown under Palin’s bus.

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Looks more like he eated Palin's bus.

tcaalaw June 10, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Broke the axle too!

Respitetini June 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Oh, that's too bad. He was funny. Now the GOP will have to nominate Palin/Bachmann and we can all drink drain cleaner and move to Canadia.

PsycWench June 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Oh, I think Palin/Bachmann will be PLENTY funny, although not to themselves.

Terry June 9, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Especially the first time they fight over the podium

Respitetini June 10, 2011 at 9:19 am

I hope they remember to put that one on pay-per-view.

Negropolis June 10, 2011 at 2:02 am

Those two things are mutually exclusive. If you start out drinking the drain cleaner, you don't make it to Canada, see? And, if you make it to Canada first, you'd not want to drink drain cleaner.

LetUsBray June 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

See, Neut, it's like your campaign has cancer…

tihond June 9, 2011 at 4:05 pm

They're leaving for a younger, sexier campaign.

horsedreamer_1 June 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Bobby Jindal?

Negropolis June 10, 2011 at 2:04 am

…but here's a whore-diamond for your troubles, sweetie.

meufchelou June 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

argh, not fast enough today!! I tip my hat to thee, for beating me on this one.

Callyson June 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

The campaign manager, Rob Johnson
A most unfortunate name, given the recent news…or maybe he'll go work for Weiner now….

[redacted]hse June 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Along with Roger, Peter, and Dick.

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 5:45 pm

funding by Kochs

Oblios_Cap June 10, 2011 at 7:53 am

He needs to go back into the blues business. The boy can sing.

KenLayIsAlive June 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

They quit, but they could probably be enticed back with a nice pair of diamond earrings.

OC_Surf_Serf June 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

They got jobs at Tiffany's??

KenLayIsAlive June 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

No, they went to Jared.

nounverb911 June 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Someone has to serve breakfast.

LouBristol June 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Such a waste of so many future ex-Mrs. Gingrichs.

emmelemm June 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

True fact: I know a guy who was an intern for the Newtster back when he was in Congress, in the 90s. I'm friends with his wife, who's theoretically "not conservative", and she really is a smart and nice person. I have no fucking idea why she's married to him. I wonder what he really thinks of the Newtster now, but I would never, ever ask him, mainly because I just don't want to talk to him.

OK, end long and rambling story now. It's just, every time Newt is mentioned (which was not for a long time, then suddenly a whole lot lately, duh), I think about that. And shake my head.

Terry June 9, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Women marry men all time expecting to change them

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 5:47 pm

And men marry women hoping they will never change . . . sigh

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2011 at 11:08 am

So, am I reading between the lines that you are cuckolding a Professional Wingnut? Good on you, Sir or Madam!

emmelemm June 11, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Oh, I only wish. Wouldn't that be delicious?

No, I'm a lady, and I'm lady friends with the Professional Wingnut's wife. Friend friends, not sexy-time friends. Although *lesbian* cuckolding of a Republican would be just TOO awesome.

Also, I should note that I was waaaaay too happy when, prior to the 2008 election, the house across the street from where my friend and the husband live had a GIANT "Obama" banner that they hung across the front of their house. Not a yard sign. A huge banner. And wingnut husband had to look at that across the street EVERY DAY. Hahhahahahahahahaha.

GuyClinch June 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Well, the bloated oleaginous fathead might want to reach out to Ed Rollins about now. He may be looking for work soon.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm

"…bloated oleaginous fathead…" – Superb!

You could render his head for candlewax or soap, but that's beyond my pay-grade.

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

I hear Ed is working with the real republican talent this year and managing Michele Bachman's campaign. Dumping the old fat guy for scary crazy, seems to be the republican meme this year.

DemmeFatale June 9, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Kudos on "bloated oleaginous fathead."

(And the big words will confuse our in-house cretins.)

Biel_ze_Bubba June 9, 2011 at 10:02 pm

El Fistula doesn't even read the little words.

horsedreamer_1 June 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

They found out Newt was consorting with the deadbeat bailout-seeking Greeks.

AJWjr. June 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I'll miss newt just like I miss that boil on my taint.

KenLayIsAlive June 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Santorum Encrusted Taint Boil / Tim Pawlenty 2012!

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Rarely do I hear something that sends me into the clench anymore. The thought of a boil in that spot will have me tight all night. And not in the good way vodka does for me.

AJWjr. June 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm

You're welcome.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2011 at 11:10 am

Anal Lockjaw?

James Michael Curley June 9, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Wasn't Weiner just using his iPhone to examine that boil on his taint?

AJWjr. June 9, 2011 at 9:57 pm

There's the plausible deniability this story has lacked!

timbo71351 June 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Hey fatass, Americans don't like you. And you aren't nearly as smart as you think you are.

Nothingisamiss June 9, 2011 at 6:54 pm

And if fatass Americans don't like you…..how many votes cn you win?

DaRooster June 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

So they all heard about T-Paw and Frothy…

elviouslyqueer June 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

deep internal disagreements = pics of Newt being blown by a Des Moines streetwalker.

nounverb911 June 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Calista's a Des Moines streetwalker?

Native_of_SL_UT June 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Wait, she's his wife. Wives don't give blow jobs anymore, do they?

elviouslyqueer June 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Oh please. Callista's had so much plastic surgery, they'd need the Jaws of Life to pry her lips apart.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Or the Jaws of Wife.

Veritas78 June 9, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Brazil! Great movie.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Wives today, geez! And their music…don't get me started!

PuckStopsHere June 9, 2011 at 7:52 pm

No. No, they do not. At least not to their husbands.

Manhattan123 June 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

His staff dumped him as he lay in a hospital bed recovering from campaign cancer.

crybabyboehner June 9, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Nice, way to kick a guy while he's down.

Negropolis June 10, 2011 at 2:11 am

Man, his staff is a total dick.

Errr…

Man, his staff are total dicks.

I get my singular/plural mixed up a lot. Damn you English language.

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

All Newt's staffers just weren't in tune with his brilliant strategy of announcing his campaign, spending two days saying stupid crap, and then disappearing on vacation for two weeks. Also, he's fucking an intern again.

Tundra Grifter June 10, 2011 at 9:15 am

I'm sure his new political crew will be the cream of the crop. It's not like other candidates decided to run and then put together their respective staffs, hiring the smart folks who know what they are doing.

Goonemeritus June 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

The sad thing is these guys are most likely leaving Newt to work the as yet unannounced Rick Perry campaign. How could these guys leave Newt in his hour of need? It’s like they are leaving him on his sick bed what kind of bastard does that?

Left_Leftie June 10, 2011 at 2:40 am

I'll swap Newty for Perry. I see equal comedy potential but more Chritiany.

fuflans June 9, 2011 at 4:13 pm

will somebody please get this man another mistress so he'll stick around? comedy gold like newt needs to be carefully cultivated.

Gopherit June 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm

This is going to be great. They didn't jump ship when he fucked up and actually told the truth about the Ryan Plan. What the fuck could he have done to make them leave en masse? Live boy or dead girl.

FlownOver June 9, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Zombie tranny. Split the diff.

flamingpdog June 9, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Coulter's dead?

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Live cow?

Gopherit June 9, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I've heard Newt likes the oral……so a cud chewing creature would be a poor choice. Different strokes, I guess.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 9, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Let's leave Coulter out of this, shall we?

jonzin June 10, 2011 at 9:14 am

Two words: Greek style.

RadioJr. June 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

C'mon, all that Newt needs to do is hire a bus, get a lobotomy, and misrepresent a chunk of American history….

(Do I win Comment of the Afternoon?)

Tommmcattt June 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Too soon.

baconzgood June 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I havn't seen Clod about today. Does he even know about all his accolades?

Mumbletypeg June 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

(Do I win Comment of the Afternoon?)

hmm… sounds like an earlier meme

metamarcisf June 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Now I guess you'll have to tell 'em
That you've got no cerebellum

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm

"…if I only had a brain…."

Swampgas_Man June 9, 2011 at 7:34 pm

But– but Newt's the SMART one! I thought he was missing a heart!

Pithaughn June 9, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Advisors? I don't need no stinking advisors! I'll do it live.

Chillwaver June 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

As a result, Newt will probably drop from 6th to 7th on the polls.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Ladles and Jellyspoons, The House of Substance
~

pinkocommi June 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Would it be too much to ask that Newt's campaign staff tell him they were leaving when Newt was in the hospital with cancer? I do so like poetic justice.

Weenus299 June 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

They should have all quit to form the Newt Gingrich "campaign", that would personally run against Newt Gingrich in the primaries. Like the way all those 50s doo-wop groups "re-formed" in the mid 80s using all-new members, while the original members were in jail or smoking crack.

Eve8Apples June 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

When the GOP Chairman demands Weiner's resignation from Congress over dirty pictures, the GOP can't tolerate a serious presidential candidate who has put his actual weiner in actual non-marital vaginas. In other words Newt, take your weiner and go home.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 9, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Please let me know when the G.O.P. asks U.S. Senator Diaper Dave "The Shitter" Vitter to resign.

Until then, I'm not holding my breath for the G.O.H.P. (Grand Old Hypocrite Party).
~

Andrew Drinker June 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

What, they finally got the memo (that we've known all along) that HE'S NOT REALLY RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Oh, I thought that was Trump. And Palin. And Daniels and Christie and Giuliani and — wait, where's Fred Thompson?

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 5:55 pm

channel 192 at 2:20 AM

PuckStopsHere June 9, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Fred's a little tired. Thought he'd go take a nap…

Monsieur_Grumpe June 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

One word Newt… Outsource!

hooray4anything June 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

The good news for Newt is I'm sure all of this will make him more desirable for Sunday morning chat shows and will now go from appearing from once a month to several times a month.

proudgrampa June 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm

If that really happens, I am so boycotting every show that has him. I am sick and tired of his drivel, and the press needs to cut him off. He has nothing to say. Period.

OK, I'll tell you how I REALLY feel Newt is a Dick.

Atheist / Pastafarian 2012 !1! Also.

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Yes, but as with a pastafarian, may Newt be blessed with a noodly appendage.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Another reason why I never watch any of those shows. Besides the chronic conservative>right bias of the guests persistently pointed out by Steve Benen, among others.

neiltheblaze June 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

These guys are hilarious – abandoning Newt because he doesn't have a prayer, only to sidle up to Governor Hairspray who also doesn't have a prayer.

And what's with Ed Rollins? Michele Bachmann? Seriously? I always thought he was a total asshole, but I never realized he was stupid total asshole.

mourningnmerica June 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Really. It's like how Marty Schottenheimer just became a head coach in the UFL. How the mighty have fallen.

Terry June 9, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Did he immediately hire all his relatives?

Lascauxcaveman June 9, 2011 at 5:22 pm

And what's with Ed Rollins? Michele Bachmann? Seriously?

It's tough out there for pimp, but it's a living.

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm

She's comedy gold, and the Koch gold don't hurt also

Rotundo_ June 9, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Money from crazy bitches spends just the same as money from crazy assholes. If Crazy Eyes is hiring, and you don't have a fresh gig at FOX or a fresh book out at Regnery or a bus touring historical sites and grifting along with the bumbling dunderfucks, why be proud and stand on principle? Take the bitches' money and laugh all the way to the bank when it blows up and write a book about it (not for Regnery this time out) and tell everyone about the concentrated crazy and retire to a comfy place.

neiltheblaze June 9, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Now, that isn't to say that Michele Bachmann isn't a crazy asshole too, of course.

PlanetWingNut June 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

THIS IS GOOD NEWS FOR TPAW!

fuflans June 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

totally off-topic, but god audrey hepburn was lovely.

jus_wonderin June 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm

She really was. And seemed a great human being. Not the trash that some stars are these days.

axmxz June 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Upfist forever.

ChessieNefercat June 9, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Yes she was, and a great human being, so please Wonkette collage director, stop putting lovely Audrey in pictures with ol' bloatgoat.

baconzgood June 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

I can tell you the direction it was going: Counterclockwise in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern hemisphere. Because that how it works when somthing is going down the toilet. It's science.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Who can explain it?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I'm sure all these aids are leaving either because there is too much compettion already to sleep with the interns, or Newt has passed them by for younger love interests.

Mort_Sinclair June 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Well, in defense of his staff, I have to say I'd have a hard time taking orders from talking larva, too.

BTW, I'm totally offended by the inclusion of the insanely beautiful and eternally classy Audrey Hepburn in that photo montage. Couldn't you have at least shopped the Calista-slug's face into it or something??? Audrey, oh Audrey, our deepest apologies….

metamarcisf June 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm

She was in the film "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Get it? Wink wink nudge nudge

ProgressiveInga June 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Audrey Hepburn was a beauty and a class act. But my thought process when looking at the Newt/Tiffany blingee went something like this:

"Hideous Newt. Beautiful Audrey. Breakfast at Tiffany's. Oooh, Breakfast. *picks up cellphone/calls wifey* Hey, Sweetie, let's have eggs for dinner".

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm

I'd have a hard time taking orders from talking larva, too.

Wait, I thought it was a White Salamander not a White Newt.

Mort_Sinclair June 9, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Jezusfckigchrist how did you make that link? I tried to respond but couldn't get my link right….. thank you (she said sheepishly)

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Oh, my dear, it took some research for this old goat (he said goatishly).

NYNYNYjr June 9, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Audrey Hepburn was a bitch- just like Newt. Also, I love Callista.

owhatever June 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Root, root, root for Newt. Stay in the race, you dumb cracker, because a Gingrich-Palin ticket is delicious to contemplate. Only thing better would be Palin-Gingrich.

axmxz June 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Newt probably fired them because they were spending his hard-solicited diamond funds on baubles and bagatelles like campaign posters, t-shirts, video ads and outreach.

anniegetyerfun June 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I love the word bagatelle. That is all.

horsedreamer_1 June 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

A/K/A The Real Eau C.

Negropolis June 10, 2011 at 2:07 am

FTW

KeepFnThatChicken June 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Newt's staff quit?

Guess that means he's committed to Callista now.

flamingpdog June 9, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Hopefully he's committed to St. Elizabeths soon.

orygoon June 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm

New bimbo that they know of and we're about to?

Ducksworthy June 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Neut Oleaginous Nice descriptors of the slimy douchebag on here today. Keep up the good work.

forgracie June 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Ladies and Gentlemen…ahem…I believe my exact post back when he declared was "Newt will take care of Newt."

Q.E.D.

jus_wonderin June 9, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Ah, he is double jointed.

Crank_Tango June 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

We're gonna need a new wife.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:03 pm

But not a bigger one, no.

Crank_Tango June 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm

of course not–he's no bill clinton!

PalinPussyPower June 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

The answer to reviving Newt's campaign is a tweeted photo of his erect penis.

elviouslyqueer June 9, 2011 at 5:03 pm

You're gonna need a really big electron microscope to find it first.

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Known in the business as a tweezer tweet

hagajim June 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Has been, has been, has been….never will be.

LiveToServeYa June 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Never was.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm

newt – adj. fork-ready, done. "He is so newt."

gef05 June 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

It's always a sign of good management that you hire people smarter than you are – who knew Newt was THAT good a manager.

hollywooddood June 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Oh crap, another Family Values Republican bites the dust.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Well, if you want to call what he bites "the dust," I guess you can. Especially if "dust" = "the big one."

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Nobody saw that coming

Jerri June 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

He writes terrible historical novels, so assuming he's got a bus, he's at least 2 for 3 here.

DonnyKerabotsos June 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Perhaps they worked for Newt and then quit in an effort to garner quitter credibility with the Palin camp.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm

And they'll tweet the news, so it pleases The Twitter Quitter. (TM)

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I don't think you could turn the table on him. His stomach would block the spin.

proudgrampa June 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Audrey Hepburn's the Feature,
Newt's just a Trailer…

flamingpdog June 9, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Sarah's just a Trailer Trash.

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Newt is seeking the votes of those who live in a trailer.

franco_pinyon June 9, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Can't concentrate on this story. I'm a little uncomfortable contemplating the term "Newt's staff."

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

"…a little uncomfortable"? Ew.

MinAgain June 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm

What he needs is a Sarah Palinesque Bus of Blatant Self-Aggrandizement. Even if it doesn't earn him the nomination, he can use it to audition his next wife.

mavenmaven June 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

he can do her in the tour bus! rawk and roll!!!

ChessieNefercat June 9, 2011 at 5:56 pm

If that bus be a'rockin', I'll be a'pukin'.

AJWjr. June 9, 2011 at 5:07 pm

He can get some interior design clues from watching Girls Gone Wild.

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I am sure Newt is familiar with the Motel 6 decor.

mavenmaven June 9, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Can he take Santorum with him where ever it is that faux candidates disappear to?
(or should I say trail Santorum)

AJWjr. June 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

You mean like that happy farm upstate, where all the old dogs and cats go?

superdave June 9, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Do you know who else this is good news for?

FlownOver June 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Huey Lewis?

Dudleydidwrong June 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

The country?

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Pope Benedict?

jus_wonderin June 9, 2011 at 5:15 pm

I am not good at these.

1. Zelma Difalco
2. Allan Templet
3. Guy Kogan
4. Mathew Berney
5. Lenore Aigner
6. Arcand
7. Max Grasty
8. Sharron Auerbach
9. Edwina Odegaard
10. Clayton Outler

I used "Random Name Generator". I cheated.

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Various divorce attorneys?

widestanceroman June 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm

All of them.

MinAgain June 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina?

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm

John McCain?

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum June 9, 2011 at 5:07 pm

LuvsDemCocks86

Is that the new Intel porn processor?

genxr June 9, 2011 at 5:44 pm

That's xxx86

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Oh, this is just precious:

It was unclear how much of the campaign is left after the latest round of losses. The Atlanta Journal Constitution reported on Thursday that Gingrich's headquarters in Georgia– which he had never visited — appeared to be completely empty, lacking even basic furniture. Gingrich spent the last week on a cruise vacation in the Mediterranean.

Apparently Newt was expecting his campaign to run itself. Why it hasn't already gone out and bought furniture, hired staff and started churning out press releases is still a mystery.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Sarah Palin has a formidable rival for the title of Greatest Grifter (TM).

elviouslyqueer June 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Rotundo_ June 9, 2011 at 6:49 pm

What a hoot! Imagine if they somehow wound up as cellmates! Do they allow conjugal visits in Club Fed? Rielle and Callista could split cab fare…

GunToting[Redacted] June 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm

If the women's prison down the street is invited in for a mixer, they can both fight over Xtine O'Donnell.

WriteyWriterton June 9, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Excuse me. That should be America's Greatest Grifter (TM).

prommie June 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Newts really showing everyone that brilliance he is known for. This is even more brilliant than Rudy cousin-marrying lisping balcony-seeking bigamist shitbag Giuliani's brilliant campaign in 2007, and you all remember how Rudy just stone shamed all the other candidates with his "I'm gonna lay back and phone it in just long enough to get some free marketing publicity for my consulting, law, influence-peddling, and grifting firm."

Whats amazing is that dude who wrote the Lord Of The Rings style defense of Newt is one of the ones that quit. I thought he was sincere, and truly believed that Newt is God and Savior of us all.

SorosBot June 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Hover over the "X minutes ago" line to get the URL for the exact comment; however it doesn't always work if a thread has gone to multiple pages.

RadioJr. June 9, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Oh yes, SB, the ol' multiple page bug in tensedebate. It's like having to explain a joke….it loses its luster rather quickly.

JackObin June 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Did this idiot actually think he could be preznit? For crissakes, he has a neck scrotum down to his knees.

widget2011 June 9, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Colossal Flatulence from both ends?

genxr June 9, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Callista Flatulence?

flamingpdog June 9, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Callista Blockfart?

fartknocker June 9, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Newt has always had an ego problem and a lack of committment. In 1994 he made the following statement:

"People like me are what stand between us and Auschwitz. I see evil all around me every day."

Here's a life question Newt: If you seen something that was allowed to grow to such a level that it approaches the terror, humiliation and indignity of Auschwitz, why the fuck didn't you and your friends kill it? Our current Commander in Chief was able to direct resources to eliminate Bin Laden – or did you miss that little moment twirp?

Go to Houston next month and pray with Rick Perry while the rest of us work to support our families and this government.

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Newt sees evil when he looks in the mirror.

PlanetWingNut June 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm

does this morning joe will call Newt a Democract?

NYNYNYjr June 9, 2011 at 10:59 pm

You're drunk again.

widestanceroman June 9, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Does this mean the Newt Suicide Watch is on [finally]?

franco_pinyon June 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm

A witch might turn a man into a newt; but nothing in this world will turn this Newt into a president.

I am going to miss watching the two of them squirm under the scrutiny of long campaign.

Lascauxcaveman June 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I still have dreams about those brown corduroys in Wait Until Dark.

Day-um, woman! A good kinda skinny.

anniegetyerfun June 9, 2011 at 5:31 pm

"Newt Gingrich, one of the worst people in the world"

Campaign slogan: located.

iburl June 9, 2011 at 7:47 pm

I think Wonkette Jr might be Keith Olbermann.

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm

This news just made one person enormously happy and grateful. It's that seventh year doctoral student who needed just one more chapter in his dissertation entitled, "Watching Political Suicide: Explaining Electoral Campaign Catastrophes in American Politics."

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:38 pm

He will need to up his Tiffany's line to pick a up a younger model. I am sure the price to touch this old turd is getting high.

Terry June 9, 2011 at 5:41 pm

He probably is a regular reader of Reason.com, too

Beowoof June 9, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Poo and goo, isn't that the receipe for Santorum?

YasserArraFeck June 10, 2011 at 9:17 am

Add a dash of lube and you're all set

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 5:56 pm

And odds are some of them would be under 30 and female! Win-win

zappadoo76 June 9, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Picture needs moar bling.

GOPCrusher June 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm

With the baggage that this asshat has, I was honestly quite shocked that he actually believed he could even RUN for President. And following so close on the heels of Weinergate, I can only believe that Friday is going to bring us a June Surprise.

JustPixelz June 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm

It's the "smart" that did him in Repubicans don't like the smart very much.

Rotundo_ June 9, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Intelligence just doesn't poll well with the republican demographic: 90% are dumbass racist hicks aspiring toward money and legitimacy and the remaining 10% are relatively (by republican standards) intelligent and engaged in actively ensuring the other 90% get neither.

Nothingisamiss June 9, 2011 at 6:48 pm

To be fair, he was only smart compared to the other candidates.

aguacatero June 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Normally don't like to kick a man when he's down, but:

grandstanding pusillanimous whiffenpoof
bulbous smoke-billowing prevaricator
vacuous diamond-studded humongous
shame-allergic human virus
bloviating gimlet-eyed meat-sack
baying pseudointellectual nitwit
unctuous self-adulating huckster
swollen murderer of shame
corpulent senile hyena
wife-dumping grimacing pustule
porcine stepford wife test-driver
mucus-filled Pillsbury Doughboy
duplicitous hairy-backed orca
Red faced Boston-creme filled reprobate
pasty-faced lard sack
bloated amoral jelly-fish
adulterous amusement park ride
vacuous michelin-man look-alike
marshmallow-filled adulterer
bloated little helmet-headed albino twerp
Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer
Sad spherical life-form

(from Wonkette Jr. post & comments the other day)

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 6:29 pm

This deserves its very own Wiki.

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Gingrich responded to reporters, "I want to wish you guys the best… But this political fear, leave the circus to us. Go home and enjoy yourselves."

MinAgain June 9, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Is this why I'm not rich yet? I mean, I went to the bank and opened a savings account in my name, but it still hasn't filled up with money.

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Be patient. It takes time for the news to reach Nigeria.

riverside68 June 9, 2011 at 6:09 pm

At least Newt had staff that could quit and generate press for him, unlike some of the other grifter candidates

JustPixelz June 9, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Newt's "staff" quit*. This is good news for Callista.
__________________
* finally a reason to write a dick joke.

BarackMyWorld June 9, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Aside from the fact he is a dick, the segues are difficult.

user-of-owls June 9, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Don't worry, he's got a Plan B:

1- Give the under-inflated blinding white sex doll teh cancer.
2- Oh, you know this step.
3- Marry Oprah.

Come here a minute June 9, 2011 at 6:57 pm

4 …
5- PROFITS!!!!!!

Gleem_McShineys June 9, 2011 at 6:47 pm

I read that as "honking the hobo" and thought you were saying something like Newt's got a sad little red pouch dangling at the end of his bindlestiff

And wondered if you'd seen Breitbart's phone or something.

tessiee June 10, 2011 at 9:42 am

"Newt's got a sad little red pouch dangling at the end of his bindlestiff"

AAAAAAAH!! The mental picture! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!

obfuscator2 June 9, 2011 at 7:05 pm

typical republican, fucking up and destroying jobs.

Gleem_McShineys June 9, 2011 at 7:07 pm

"and severely complicating his plan to make a political comeback."

Guess his staff finally figured out what he was doing behind them.

donner_froh June 9, 2011 at 7:08 pm

This is what happens when you cross Paul Ryan–all your peoples run away.

WorkTheSaxofone June 9, 2011 at 7:28 pm

"I declare, Newton, I b'lieve you're the smartest boy in Georgia."
"If you say so, Mama, then I 'spect I must be."
</dream_sequence>

mormos June 9, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I was excited when the circus first came to town. But they've started to trash the place and have really overstayed their welcome. I wish they would leave.

Mumbletypeg June 9, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Radio_[dacted], it was linking to yours & others' responses to Dr. Zoom's offering in that weeks-old Chuck Norris thread, to just copy a good comment from someone else and paste it as one's own. Plagiarmajizms = Win.

BTW — if you send a message to Riley's contact info page at nomorewarplease.com, he's agreed to forward you my email. All is not well in Mumblety-land & I will be seeking beer therapy at a pub near you, soon.

PuckStopsHere June 9, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Six job seekers for every job opening in the United States right now…and they still quit. Man, talk about wanting out.

BZ1 June 9, 2011 at 8:01 pm

the Newt has a staff? this isn't a sexual inneundo, is it?

genxr June 9, 2011 at 8:05 pm

They still have LizardPAC and unlimited corporate funds.

chascates June 9, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Should've handed out Patek Philippes from Tiffanys.

chascates June 9, 2011 at 8:37 pm

“It’s not laziness,” Tyler said by phone. “He’s the hardest working person I know. It’s just, I’ll just leave it at our paths to victory are different.”

“There were two visions, two paths to victory, and Newt’s path and my understanding of the path to victory were different, and when that happens, then the candidate’s vision has got to prevail,” he added.

Tyler didn't think he could work with a candidate who can't speak about what he did or said a week back, won't talk about money sources, and WORKED SO DAMNED HARD FOR THIS COUNTRY he was forced to commit adultery. With his current wife I mean.

flamingpdog June 9, 2011 at 8:47 pm

"And I HAAAELPED!"

emmelemm June 9, 2011 at 8:49 pm

In the continuing saga of WTF…

Gingrich Co-Chair Bolts to Pawlenty

weejee June 9, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Sweet. Great arm extension, hands leading the way, knocked it clear out of the park.

weejee June 9, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Coffee up the nose on that one. Kinda thought Newt was into Mazola oil and the Slip & Slide, but you nailed it Joshua, the Newties are all Crisco – fat in the can.

weejee June 9, 2011 at 10:14 pm

The term "piled higher and deeper" is the true mantle for Dr. Newtie.

berkeleyfarm June 9, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Ha ha. I did tell the story here, didn't I, about how Newt insisted that a pal of mine fly from SoCal to DC to "get her input" on whether to proceed with the Clinton impeachment … and then stared her in the eye after she said "people want it to end" and said "well, we're going to do it anyway". People whose egos cause them to second-guess the hired talent often find themselves in short order without competent staff.

NYNYNYjr June 9, 2011 at 10:54 pm

She's beautiful. I want to watch her and Cindy McCain making love in a pile of snow.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2011 at 11:24 am

When it gets hot and heavy, their ovipositors come out.

Redhead June 9, 2011 at 10:59 pm

"deep internal disagreements about the direction of the campaign."

He saw it stopping at Tiffany's and then heading to the White House, and they saw it deflating as quickly as Gingrich's dick once his wife turns 35?

donner_froh June 9, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Newt and Calista may be the whitest white people in the world. Both of them would need a tan in order to look pale.

fartknocker June 9, 2011 at 11:46 pm

The current speculation in good old Houston that Newt's failure is net positive for Rick Perry:
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/

Let me go ahead and fire up my t-shirt printer and announce

Perry/Palin/Bachmann 2012. A fricking 3 way.

God bless America.

Negropolis June 10, 2011 at 1:57 am

Wonkette, Jr. gets a whore-diamond for coining "whore-trinkets". Now, let's released it to the internet, let it spread its wings, and fly and soar like a whore-eagle. Or, for brevity, a "whoreagle." Sounds like something straight outta Harry Potter, amirite?

Negropolis June 10, 2011 at 2:14 am

Bitch, you just got served.

SudsMcKenzie June 10, 2011 at 6:14 am

Should I still send in that $5,000 ??

DemonicRage June 10, 2011 at 8:04 am

I was so looking forward to a 4 year Presidency in which the Leader of us all started every sentence with "Callista and I," plus the smirk on both their faces as they showed up at the White House to displace loveable Barry and Michelle.

Peace in our time June 10, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Just think of how much the economy would have been stimulated by having a new First Lady every six months!

Tundra Grifter June 10, 2011 at 9:21 am

As long as Donald Chump and Duh Gov'Nor are hanging around – not to mention What-the-L Michele – the Vanity Presidential Campaign will remain alive and well.

LiveToServeYa June 10, 2011 at 9:50 am

Newt skipped to Greece and his staff quit in disgust. Now, Newt must return from Greece to face this calamitous career canker. Will his return voyage be fraught with the perils of Odysseus? One can only hope.

Chet Kincaid June 10, 2011 at 10:28 am

This is good news for Herman Cain.

ottercliff June 10, 2011 at 11:03 am

Forget Rick Perry. This is a huge opportunity for Rick Santorum to seize the role of "most repugnant crap pile" in the race.

Baconcat June 10, 2011 at 5:49 pm

"so he can always get some new whore trinkets for whatever new mistress he’s bonking in some broom closet."

Wrong. Tiffany is for the wife, Cartier is for the mistress, and Kay is for the whore in the closet.

ttommyunger June 10, 2011 at 6:38 pm

"Newt Gingrich’s Campaign Staff All Quitting, For Obvious Reasons" You got that right. I wouldn't invite that asshole into my home if I was up to my armpits in turds and he was the only plumber within a hundred miles. And work for him? I would suck Elephant dicks at a dime a herd before I'd take money from this self-important douchebag.

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