see ya around clowns

Newt Gingrich’s Campaign Staff All Quitting, For Obvious Reasons

Lots more time for buying tacky silver jewelry now!We haven’t heard about Newt Gingrich since he was pooping all over the GOP’s platform and also defending his $500,000 no-interest credit line at Tiffany’s, so he can always get some new whore trinkets for whatever new mistress he’s bonking in some broom closet. So how’s that campaign going? Oh, you forgot Newt Gingrich was running for president? Hahaha so did everybody, including Newt’s campaign manager and a half-dozen senior campaign staffers. They’re done! It’s time to hook up with somebody who has a chance in hell of getting the GOP nomination or at least a second spot on the ticket. And Newt Gingrich is never going to be the nominee for president or vice president of anything beyond Newt Gingrich Enterprises, LLC.

The New York Times reports, giddily:

Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager and a half-dozen senior advisers resigned on Thursday, two aides said, dealing a significant setback to his bid to seek the Republican presidential nomination and severely complicating his plan to make a political comeback.

The campaign manager, Rob Johnson, along with advisers in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, joined together to step down after a period of deep internal disagreements about the direction of the campaign.

What direction? Unless you mean “straight down the tubes,” there has never been any direction to this campaign. It has never been about anything beyond the insane delusions of Newt Gingrich, one of the worst people in the world. [NYT]

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  • nounverb911

    My staff didn’t quit! Now don’t taze quote me, bro!

    • Swampgas_Man

      No, I fired 'em all; that's the ticket!

  • nounverb911

    Did Calista quit too?

    • PsycWench

      She wishes she knew how to quit him in a cost-effective manner.

    • GOPCrusher

      That has to be the whitest woman in the history of the world. Does she wear colored contact lenses to cover up the pink?

    • Terry

      No but there was probably another Tiffany purchase, or perhaps a piece a real estate

    • riverside68

      The cruize was her idea, staff no like her scheduling, she no like staff

      win-win

  • nounverb911

    Looks like Newt got thrown under Palin’s bus.

    • user-of-owls

      Looks more like he eated Palin's bus.

    • tcaalaw

      Broke the axle too!

  • Respitetini

    Oh, that's too bad. He was funny. Now the GOP will have to nominate Palin/Bachmann and we can all drink drain cleaner and move to Canadia.

    • PsycWench

      Oh, I think Palin/Bachmann will be PLENTY funny, although not to themselves.

      • Terry

        Especially the first time they fight over the podium

        • Respitetini

          I hope they remember to put that one on pay-per-view.

    • Negropolis

      Those two things are mutually exclusive. If you start out drinking the drain cleaner, you don't make it to Canada, see? And, if you make it to Canada first, you'd not want to drink drain cleaner.

  • LetUsBray

    See, Neut, it's like your campaign has cancer…

    • tihond

      They're leaving for a younger, sexier campaign.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Bobby Jindal?

      • Negropolis

        …but here's a whore-diamond for your troubles, sweetie.

    • meufchelou

      argh, not fast enough today!! I tip my hat to thee, for beating me on this one.

  • Callyson

    The campaign manager, Rob Johnson
    A most unfortunate name, given the recent news…or maybe he'll go work for Weiner now….

    • [redacted]hse

      Along with Roger, Peter, and Dick.

      • riverside68

        funding by Kochs

    • Oblios_Cap

      He needs to go back into the blues business. The boy can sing.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    They quit, but they could probably be enticed back with a nice pair of diamond earrings.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    They got jobs at Tiffany's??

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      No, they went to Jared.

    • nounverb911

      Someone has to serve breakfast.

  • LouBristol

    Such a waste of so many future ex-Mrs. Gingrichs.

  • emmelemm

    True fact: I know a guy who was an intern for the Newtster back when he was in Congress, in the 90s. I'm friends with his wife, who's theoretically "not conservative", and she really is a smart and nice person. I have no fucking idea why she's married to him. I wonder what he really thinks of the Newtster now, but I would never, ever ask him, mainly because I just don't want to talk to him.

    OK, end long and rambling story now. It's just, every time Newt is mentioned (which was not for a long time, then suddenly a whole lot lately, duh), I think about that. And shake my head.

    • Terry

      Women marry men all time expecting to change them

      • riverside68

        And men marry women hoping they will never change . . . sigh

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      So, am I reading between the lines that you are cuckolding a Professional Wingnut? Good on you, Sir or Madam!

      • emmelemm

        Oh, I only wish. Wouldn't that be delicious?

        No, I'm a lady, and I'm lady friends with the Professional Wingnut's wife. Friend friends, not sexy-time friends. Although *lesbian* cuckolding of a Republican would be just TOO awesome.

        Also, I should note that I was waaaaay too happy when, prior to the 2008 election, the house across the street from where my friend and the husband live had a GIANT "Obama" banner that they hung across the front of their house. Not a yard sign. A huge banner. And wingnut husband had to look at that across the street EVERY DAY. Hahhahahahahahahaha.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Well, the bloated oleaginous fathead might want to reach out to Ed Rollins about now. He may be looking for work soon.

    • WriteyWriterton

      "…bloated oleaginous fathead…" – Superb!

      You could render his head for candlewax or soap, but that's beyond my pay-grade.

    • Beowoof

      I hear Ed is working with the real republican talent this year and managing Michele Bachman's campaign. Dumping the old fat guy for scary crazy, seems to be the republican meme this year.

    • DemmeFatale

      Kudos on "bloated oleaginous fathead."

      (And the big words will confuse our in-house cretins.)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        El Fistula doesn't even read the little words.

  • horsedreamer_1

    They found out Newt was consorting with the deadbeat bailout-seeking Greeks.

  • AJWjr.

    I'll miss newt just like I miss that boil on my taint.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Santorum Encrusted Taint Boil / Tim Pawlenty 2012!

    • Beowoof

      Rarely do I hear something that sends me into the clench anymore. The thought of a boil in that spot will have me tight all night. And not in the good way vodka does for me.

      • AJWjr.

        You're welcome.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Anal Lockjaw?

    • James Michael Curley

      Wasn't Weiner just using his iPhone to examine that boil on his taint?

      • AJWjr.

        There's the plausible deniability this story has lacked!

  • timbo71351

    Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Hey fatass, Americans don't like you. And you aren't nearly as smart as you think you are.

    • Nothingisamiss

      And if fatass Americans don't like you…..how many votes cn you win?

  • DaRooster

    So they all heard about T-Paw and Frothy…

  • elviouslyqueer

    deep internal disagreements = pics of Newt being blown by a Des Moines streetwalker.

    • nounverb911

      Calista's a Des Moines streetwalker?

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        Wait, she's his wife. Wives don't give blow jobs anymore, do they?

        • elviouslyqueer

          Oh please. Callista's had so much plastic surgery, they'd need the Jaws of Life to pry her lips apart.

          • WriteyWriterton

            Or the Jaws of Wife.

          • Veritas78

            Brazil! Great movie.

        • WriteyWriterton

          Wives today, geez! And their music…don't get me started!

        • PuckStopsHere

          No. No, they do not. At least not to their husbands.

  • Manhattan123

    His staff dumped him as he lay in a hospital bed recovering from campaign cancer.

    • crybabyboehner

      Nice, way to kick a guy while he's down.

    • Negropolis

      Man, his staff is a total dick.

      Errr…

      Man, his staff are total dicks.

      I get my singular/plural mixed up a lot. Damn you English language.

  • SayItWithWookies

    All Newt's staffers just weren't in tune with his brilliant strategy of announcing his campaign, spending two days saying stupid crap, and then disappearing on vacation for two weeks. Also, he's fucking an intern again.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I'm sure his new political crew will be the cream of the crop. It's not like other candidates decided to run and then put together their respective staffs, hiring the smart folks who know what they are doing.

  • Goonemeritus

    The sad thing is these guys are most likely leaving Newt to work the as yet unannounced Rick Perry campaign. How could these guys leave Newt in his hour of need? It’s like they are leaving him on his sick bed what kind of bastard does that?

    • Left_Leftie

      I'll swap Newty for Perry. I see equal comedy potential but more Chritiany.

  • fuflans

    will somebody please get this man another mistress so he'll stick around? comedy gold like newt needs to be carefully cultivated.

  • Gopherit

    This is going to be great. They didn't jump ship when he fucked up and actually told the truth about the Ryan Plan. What the fuck could he have done to make them leave en masse? Live boy or dead girl.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Zombie tranny. Split the diff.

      • flamingpdog

        Coulter's dead?

    • Beowoof

      Live cow?

      • Gopherit

        I've heard Newt likes the oral……so a cud chewing creature would be a poor choice. Different strokes, I guess.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Let's leave Coulter out of this, shall we?

    • jonzin

      Two words: Greek style.

  • RadioJr.

    C'mon, all that Newt needs to do is hire a bus, get a lobotomy, and misrepresent a chunk of American history….

    (Do I win Comment of the Afternoon?)

    • Tommmcattt

      Too soon.

    • baconzgood

      I havn't seen Clod about today. Does he even know about all his accolades?

    • Mumbletypeg

      (Do I win Comment of the Afternoon?)

      hmm… sounds like an earlier meme

    • metamarcisf

      Now I guess you'll have to tell 'em
      That you've got no cerebellum

      • WriteyWriterton

        "…if I only had a brain…."

        • Swampgas_Man

          But– but Newt's the SMART one! I thought he was missing a heart!

  • Pithaughn

    Advisors? I don't need no stinking advisors! I'll do it live.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    As a result, Newt will probably drop from 6th to 7th on the polls.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Ladles and Jellyspoons, The House of Substance
    ~

  • pinkocommi

    Would it be too much to ask that Newt's campaign staff tell him they were leaving when Newt was in the hospital with cancer? I do so like poetic justice.

  • Weenus299

    They should have all quit to form the Newt Gingrich "campaign", that would personally run against Newt Gingrich in the primaries. Like the way all those 50s doo-wop groups "re-formed" in the mid 80s using all-new members, while the original members were in jail or smoking crack.

  • Eve8Apples

    When the GOP Chairman demands Weiner's resignation from Congress over dirty pictures, the GOP can't tolerate a serious presidential candidate who has put his actual weiner in actual non-marital vaginas. In other words Newt, take your weiner and go home.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Please let me know when the G.O.P. asks U.S. Senator Diaper Dave "The Shitter" Vitter to resign.

      Until then, I'm not holding my breath for the G.O.H.P. (Grand Old Hypocrite Party).
      ~

  • Andrew Drinker

    What, they finally got the memo (that we've known all along) that HE'S NOT REALLY RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, I thought that was Trump. And Palin. And Daniels and Christie and Giuliani and — wait, where's Fred Thompson?

      • riverside68

        channel 192 at 2:20 AM

      • PuckStopsHere

        Fred's a little tired. Thought he'd go take a nap…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    One word Newt… Outsource!

  • hooray4anything

    The good news for Newt is I'm sure all of this will make him more desirable for Sunday morning chat shows and will now go from appearing from once a month to several times a month.

    • proudgrampa

      If that really happens, I am so boycotting every show that has him. I am sick and tired of his drivel, and the press needs to cut him off. He has nothing to say. Period.

      OK, I'll tell you how I REALLY feel Newt is a Dick.

      Atheist / Pastafarian 2012 !1! Also.

      • Beowoof

        Yes, but as with a pastafarian, may Newt be blessed with a noodly appendage.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Another reason why I never watch any of those shows. Besides the chronic conservative>right bias of the guests persistently pointed out by Steve Benen, among others.

  • neiltheblaze

    These guys are hilarious – abandoning Newt because he doesn't have a prayer, only to sidle up to Governor Hairspray who also doesn't have a prayer.

    And what's with Ed Rollins? Michele Bachmann? Seriously? I always thought he was a total asshole, but I never realized he was stupid total asshole.

    • mourningnmerica

      Really. It's like how Marty Schottenheimer just became a head coach in the UFL. How the mighty have fallen.

      • Terry

        Did he immediately hire all his relatives?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And what's with Ed Rollins? Michele Bachmann? Seriously?

      It's tough out there for pimp, but it's a living.

      • riverside68

        She's comedy gold, and the Koch gold don't hurt also

    • Rotundo_

      Money from crazy bitches spends just the same as money from crazy assholes. If Crazy Eyes is hiring, and you don't have a fresh gig at FOX or a fresh book out at Regnery or a bus touring historical sites and grifting along with the bumbling dunderfucks, why be proud and stand on principle? Take the bitches' money and laugh all the way to the bank when it blows up and write a book about it (not for Regnery this time out) and tell everyone about the concentrated crazy and retire to a comfy place.

      • neiltheblaze

        Now, that isn't to say that Michele Bachmann isn't a crazy asshole too, of course.

  • PlanetWingNut

    THIS IS GOOD NEWS FOR TPAW!

  • fuflans

    totally off-topic, but god audrey hepburn was lovely.

    • jus_wonderin

      She really was. And seemed a great human being. Not the trash that some stars are these days.

    • axmxz

      Upfist forever.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Yes she was, and a great human being, so please Wonkette collage director, stop putting lovely Audrey in pictures with ol' bloatgoat.

  • baconzgood

    I can tell you the direction it was going: Counterclockwise in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern hemisphere. Because that how it works when somthing is going down the toilet. It's science.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Who can explain it?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm sure all these aids are leaving either because there is too much compettion already to sleep with the interns, or Newt has passed them by for younger love interests.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Well, in defense of his staff, I have to say I'd have a hard time taking orders from talking larva, too.

    BTW, I'm totally offended by the inclusion of the insanely beautiful and eternally classy Audrey Hepburn in that photo montage. Couldn't you have at least shopped the Calista-slug's face into it or something??? Audrey, oh Audrey, our deepest apologies….

    • metamarcisf

      She was in the film "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Get it? Wink wink nudge nudge

    • ProgressiveInga

      Audrey Hepburn was a beauty and a class act. But my thought process when looking at the Newt/Tiffany blingee went something like this:

      "Hideous Newt. Beautiful Audrey. Breakfast at Tiffany's. Oooh, Breakfast. *picks up cellphone/calls wifey* Hey, Sweetie, let's have eggs for dinner".

    • user-of-owls

      I'd have a hard time taking orders from talking larva, too.

      Wait, I thought it was a White Salamander not a White Newt.

      • Mort_Sinclair

        Jezusfckigchrist how did you make that link? I tried to respond but couldn't get my link right….. thank you (she said sheepishly)

        • user-of-owls

          Oh, my dear, it took some research for this old goat (he said goatishly).

    • NYNYNYjr

      Audrey Hepburn was a bitch- just like Newt. Also, I love Callista.

  • owhatever

    Root, root, root for Newt. Stay in the race, you dumb cracker, because a Gingrich-Palin ticket is delicious to contemplate. Only thing better would be Palin-Gingrich.

  • axmxz

    Newt probably fired them because they were spending his hard-solicited diamond funds on baubles and bagatelles like campaign posters, t-shirts, video ads and outreach.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I love the word bagatelle. That is all.

  • horsedreamer_1

    A/K/A The Real Eau C.

    • Negropolis

      FTW

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Newt's staff quit?

    Guess that means he's committed to Callista now.

    • flamingpdog

      Hopefully he's committed to St. Elizabeths soon.

  • orygoon

    New bimbo that they know of and we're about to?

  • Ducksworthy

    Neut Oleaginous Nice descriptors of the slimy douchebag on here today. Keep up the good work.

  • forgracie

    Ladies and Gentlemen…ahem…I believe my exact post back when he declared was "Newt will take care of Newt."

    Q.E.D.

    • jus_wonderin

      Ah, he is double jointed.

  • Crank_Tango

    We're gonna need a new wife.

    • WriteyWriterton

      But not a bigger one, no.

      • Crank_Tango

        of course not–he's no bill clinton!

  • PalinPussyPower

    The answer to reviving Newt's campaign is a tweeted photo of his erect penis.

    • elviouslyqueer

      You're gonna need a really big electron microscope to find it first.

      • riverside68

        Known in the business as a tweezer tweet

  • hagajim

    Has been, has been, has been….never will be.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Never was.

  • WriteyWriterton

    newt – adj. fork-ready, done. "He is so newt."

  • gef05

    It's always a sign of good management that you hire people smarter than you are – who knew Newt was THAT good a manager.

  • hollywooddood

    Oh crap, another Family Values Republican bites the dust.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Well, if you want to call what he bites "the dust," I guess you can. Especially if "dust" = "the big one."

    • riverside68

      Nobody saw that coming

  • Jerri

    He writes terrible historical novels, so assuming he's got a bus, he's at least 2 for 3 here.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Perhaps they worked for Newt and then quit in an effort to garner quitter credibility with the Palin camp.

    • WriteyWriterton

      And they'll tweet the news, so it pleases The Twitter Quitter. (TM)

  • WriteyWriterton

    I don't think you could turn the table on him. His stomach would block the spin.

  • proudgrampa

    Audrey Hepburn's the Feature,
    Newt's just a Trailer…

    • flamingpdog

      Sarah's just a Trailer Trash.

      • Beowoof

        Newt is seeking the votes of those who live in a trailer.

  • franco_pinyon

    Can't concentrate on this story. I'm a little uncomfortable contemplating the term "Newt's staff."

    • WriteyWriterton

      "…a little uncomfortable"? Ew.

  • MinAgain

    What he needs is a Sarah Palinesque Bus of Blatant Self-Aggrandizement. Even if it doesn't earn him the nomination, he can use it to audition his next wife.

    • mavenmaven

      he can do her in the tour bus! rawk and roll!!!

      • ChessieNefercat

        If that bus be a'rockin', I'll be a'pukin'.

    • AJWjr.

      He can get some interior design clues from watching Girls Gone Wild.

      • Beowoof

        I am sure Newt is familiar with the Motel 6 decor.

  • mavenmaven

    Can he take Santorum with him where ever it is that faux candidates disappear to?
    (or should I say trail Santorum)

    • AJWjr.

      You mean like that happy farm upstate, where all the old dogs and cats go?

  • superdave

    Do you know who else this is good news for?

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Huey Lewis?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      The country?

    • WriteyWriterton

      Pope Benedict?

    • jus_wonderin

      I am not good at these.

      1. Zelma Difalco
      2. Allan Templet
      3. Guy Kogan
      4. Mathew Berney
      5. Lenore Aigner
      6. Arcand
      7. Max Grasty
      8. Sharron Auerbach
      9. Edwina Odegaard
      10. Clayton Outler

      I used "Random Name Generator". I cheated.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Various divorce attorneys?

    • widestanceroman

      All of them.

    • MinAgain

      Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina?

    • riverside68

      John McCain?

    • user-of-owls
  • Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    LuvsDemCocks86

    Is that the new Intel porn processor?

    • genxr

      That's xxx86

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, this is just precious:

    It was unclear how much of the campaign is left after the latest round of losses. The Atlanta Journal Constitution reported on Thursday that Gingrich's headquarters in Georgia– which he had never visited — appeared to be completely empty, lacking even basic furniture. Gingrich spent the last week on a cruise vacation in the Mediterranean.

    Apparently Newt was expecting his campaign to run itself. Why it hasn't already gone out and bought furniture, hired staff and started churning out press releases is still a mystery.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Sarah Palin has a formidable rival for the title of Greatest Grifter (TM).

    • elviouslyqueer
      • Rotundo_

        What a hoot! Imagine if they somehow wound up as cellmates! Do they allow conjugal visits in Club Fed? Rielle and Callista could split cab fare…

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        If the women's prison down the street is invited in for a mixer, they can both fight over Xtine O'Donnell.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Excuse me. That should be America's Greatest Grifter (TM).

  • prommie

    Newts really showing everyone that brilliance he is known for. This is even more brilliant than Rudy cousin-marrying lisping balcony-seeking bigamist shitbag Giuliani's brilliant campaign in 2007, and you all remember how Rudy just stone shamed all the other candidates with his "I'm gonna lay back and phone it in just long enough to get some free marketing publicity for my consulting, law, influence-peddling, and grifting firm."

    Whats amazing is that dude who wrote the Lord Of The Rings style defense of Newt is one of the ones that quit. I thought he was sincere, and truly believed that Newt is God and Savior of us all.

  • SorosBot

    Hover over the "X minutes ago" line to get the URL for the exact comment; however it doesn't always work if a thread has gone to multiple pages.

    • RadioJr.

      Oh yes, SB, the ol' multiple page bug in tensedebate. It's like having to explain a joke….it loses its luster rather quickly.

  • JackObin

    Did this idiot actually think he could be preznit? For crissakes, he has a neck scrotum down to his knees.

  • widget2011

    Colossal Flatulence from both ends?

    • genxr

      Callista Flatulence?

      • flamingpdog

        Callista Blockfart?

  • fartknocker

    Newt has always had an ego problem and a lack of committment. In 1994 he made the following statement:

    "People like me are what stand between us and Auschwitz. I see evil all around me every day."

    Here's a life question Newt: If you seen something that was allowed to grow to such a level that it approaches the terror, humiliation and indignity of Auschwitz, why the fuck didn't you and your friends kill it? Our current Commander in Chief was able to direct resources to eliminate Bin Laden – or did you miss that little moment twirp?

    Go to Houston next month and pray with Rick Perry while the rest of us work to support our families and this government.

    • Beowoof

      Newt sees evil when he looks in the mirror.

  • PlanetWingNut

    does this morning joe will call Newt a Democract?

    • NYNYNYjr

      You're drunk again.

  • widestanceroman

    Does this mean the Newt Suicide Watch is on [finally]?

  • franco_pinyon

    A witch might turn a man into a newt; but nothing in this world will turn this Newt into a president.

    I am going to miss watching the two of them squirm under the scrutiny of long campaign.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I still have dreams about those brown corduroys in Wait Until Dark.

    Day-um, woman! A good kinda skinny.

  • anniegetyerfun

    "Newt Gingrich, one of the worst people in the world"

    Campaign slogan: located.

    • iburl

      I think Wonkette Jr might be Keith Olbermann.

  • user-of-owls

    This news just made one person enormously happy and grateful. It's that seventh year doctoral student who needed just one more chapter in his dissertation entitled, "Watching Political Suicide: Explaining Electoral Campaign Catastrophes in American Politics."

  • Beowoof

    He will need to up his Tiffany's line to pick a up a younger model. I am sure the price to touch this old turd is getting high.

  • Terry

    He probably is a regular reader of Reason.com, too

  • Beowoof

    Poo and goo, isn't that the receipe for Santorum?

    • YasserArraFeck

      Add a dash of lube and you're all set

  • riverside68

    And odds are some of them would be under 30 and female! Win-win

  • zappadoo76

    Picture needs moar bling.

  • GOPCrusher

    With the baggage that this asshat has, I was honestly quite shocked that he actually believed he could even RUN for President. And following so close on the heels of Weinergate, I can only believe that Friday is going to bring us a June Surprise.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    It's the "smart" that did him in Repubicans don't like the smart very much.

    • Rotundo_

      Intelligence just doesn't poll well with the republican demographic: 90% are dumbass racist hicks aspiring toward money and legitimacy and the remaining 10% are relatively (by republican standards) intelligent and engaged in actively ensuring the other 90% get neither.

    • Nothingisamiss

      To be fair, he was only smart compared to the other candidates.

  • aguacatero

    Normally don't like to kick a man when he's down, but:

    grandstanding pusillanimous whiffenpoof
    bulbous smoke-billowing prevaricator
    vacuous diamond-studded humongous
    shame-allergic human virus
    bloviating gimlet-eyed meat-sack
    baying pseudointellectual nitwit
    unctuous self-adulating huckster
    swollen murderer of shame
    corpulent senile hyena
    wife-dumping grimacing pustule
    porcine stepford wife test-driver
    mucus-filled Pillsbury Doughboy
    duplicitous hairy-backed orca
    Red faced Boston-creme filled reprobate
    pasty-faced lard sack
    bloated amoral jelly-fish
    adulterous amusement park ride
    vacuous michelin-man look-alike
    marshmallow-filled adulterer
    bloated little helmet-headed albino twerp
    Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer
    Sad spherical life-form

    (from Wonkette Jr. post & comments the other day)

    • user-of-owls

      This deserves its very own Wiki.

  • user-of-owls

    Gingrich responded to reporters, "I want to wish you guys the best… But this political fear, leave the circus to us. Go home and enjoy yourselves."

  • MinAgain

    Is this why I'm not rich yet? I mean, I went to the bank and opened a savings account in my name, but it still hasn't filled up with money.

    • user-of-owls

      Be patient. It takes time for the news to reach Nigeria.

  • riverside68

    At least Newt had staff that could quit and generate press for him, unlike some of the other grifter candidates

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Newt's "staff" quit*. This is good news for Callista.
    __________________
    * finally a reason to write a dick joke.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Aside from the fact he is a dick, the segues are difficult.

  • user-of-owls

    Don't worry, he's got a Plan B:

    1- Give the under-inflated blinding white sex doll teh cancer.
    2- Oh, you know this step.
    3- Marry Oprah.

    • Come here a minute

      4 …
      5- PROFITS!!!!!!

  • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

    I read that as "honking the hobo" and thought you were saying something like Newt's got a sad little red pouch dangling at the end of his bindlestiff

    And wondered if you'd seen Breitbart's phone or something.

    • tessiee

      "Newt's got a sad little red pouch dangling at the end of his bindlestiff"

      AAAAAAAH!! The mental picture! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!

  • obfuscator2

    typical republican, fucking up and destroying jobs.

  • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

    "and severely complicating his plan to make a political comeback."

    Guess his staff finally figured out what he was doing behind them.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    This is what happens when you cross Paul Ryan–all your peoples run away.

  • WorkTheSaxofone

    "I declare, Newton, I b'lieve you're the smartest boy in Georgia."
    "If you say so, Mama, then I 'spect I must be."
    </dream_sequence>

  • mormos

    I was excited when the circus first came to town. But they've started to trash the place and have really overstayed their welcome. I wish they would leave.

  • Mumbletypeg

    Radio_[dacted], it was linking to yours & others' responses to Dr. Zoom's offering in that weeks-old Chuck Norris thread, to just copy a good comment from someone else and paste it as one's own. Plagiarmajizms = Win.

    BTW — if you send a message to Riley's contact info page at nomorewarplease.com, he's agreed to forward you my email. All is not well in Mumblety-land & I will be seeking beer therapy at a pub near you, soon.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Six job seekers for every job opening in the United States right now…and they still quit. Man, talk about wanting out.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    the Newt has a staff? this isn't a sexual inneundo, is it?

  • genxr

    They still have LizardPAC and unlimited corporate funds.

  • chascates

    Should've handed out Patek Philippes from Tiffanys.

  • chascates

    “It’s not laziness,” Tyler said by phone. “He’s the hardest working person I know. It’s just, I’ll just leave it at our paths to victory are different.”

    “There were two visions, two paths to victory, and Newt’s path and my understanding of the path to victory were different, and when that happens, then the candidate’s vision has got to prevail,” he added.

    Tyler didn't think he could work with a candidate who can't speak about what he did or said a week back, won't talk about money sources, and WORKED SO DAMNED HARD FOR THIS COUNTRY he was forced to commit adultery. With his current wife I mean.

  • flamingpdog

    "And I HAAAELPED!"

  • emmelemm

    In the continuing saga of WTF…

    Gingrich Co-Chair Bolts to Pawlenty

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Sweet. Great arm extension, hands leading the way, knocked it clear out of the park.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Coffee up the nose on that one. Kinda thought Newt was into Mazola oil and the Slip & Slide, but you nailed it Joshua, the Newties are all Crisco – fat in the can.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    The term "piled higher and deeper" is the true mantle for Dr. Newtie.

  • berkeleyfarm

    Ha ha. I did tell the story here, didn't I, about how Newt insisted that a pal of mine fly from SoCal to DC to "get her input" on whether to proceed with the Clinton impeachment … and then stared her in the eye after she said "people want it to end" and said "well, we're going to do it anyway". People whose egos cause them to second-guess the hired talent often find themselves in short order without competent staff.

  • NYNYNYjr

    She's beautiful. I want to watch her and Cindy McCain making love in a pile of snow.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      When it gets hot and heavy, their ovipositors come out.

  • Redhead

    "deep internal disagreements about the direction of the campaign."

    He saw it stopping at Tiffany's and then heading to the White House, and they saw it deflating as quickly as Gingrich's dick once his wife turns 35?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Newt and Calista may be the whitest white people in the world. Both of them would need a tan in order to look pale.

  • fartknocker

    The current speculation in good old Houston that Newt's failure is net positive for Rick Perry:
    http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/

    Let me go ahead and fire up my t-shirt printer and announce

    Perry/Palin/Bachmann 2012. A fricking 3 way.

    God bless America.

  • Negropolis

    Wonkette, Jr. gets a whore-diamond for coining "whore-trinkets". Now, let's released it to the internet, let it spread its wings, and fly and soar like a whore-eagle. Or, for brevity, a "whoreagle." Sounds like something straight outta Harry Potter, amirite?

  • Negropolis

    Bitch, you just got served.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Should I still send in that $5,000 ??

  • DemonicRage

    I was so looking forward to a 4 year Presidency in which the Leader of us all started every sentence with "Callista and I," plus the smirk on both their faces as they showed up at the White House to displace loveable Barry and Michelle.

    • Peace in our time

      Just think of how much the economy would have been stimulated by having a new First Lady every six months!

  • Tundra Grifter

    As long as Donald Chump and Duh Gov'Nor are hanging around – not to mention What-the-L Michele – the Vanity Presidential Campaign will remain alive and well.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Newt skipped to Greece and his staff quit in disgust. Now, Newt must return from Greece to face this calamitous career canker. Will his return voyage be fraught with the perils of Odysseus? One can only hope.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    This is good news for Herman Cain.

  • ottercliff

    Forget Rick Perry. This is a huge opportunity for Rick Santorum to seize the role of "most repugnant crap pile" in the race.

  • Baconcat

    "so he can always get some new whore trinkets for whatever new mistress he’s bonking in some broom closet."

    Wrong. Tiffany is for the wife, Cartier is for the mistress, and Kay is for the whore in the closet.

  • ttommyunger

    "Newt Gingrich’s Campaign Staff All Quitting, For Obvious Reasons" You got that right. I wouldn't invite that asshole into my home if I was up to my armpits in turds and he was the only plumber within a hundred miles. And work for him? I would suck Elephant dicks at a dime a herd before I'd take money from this self-important douchebag.